Author: Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Thanatology Certification Article on Dying Well

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Dying is as much part of life as birth, yet many dismiss it, hide it and avoid it.  Death is a taboo subject for many.  It is forbidden word of bad luck.  When such attitudes persist, how one experiences death or experiences death with a loved one can be negative.

It is important to face death as we face birth.  We need to live the dying process fully and despite the pain, stand by those who are dying.  David Kessler explained it best as how we used to meet our loved ones at the gate of an airport.   We met them there, but when their time to leave arrived, we walked them to the gate.  While this is no longer possible since 911, the idea and analogy fits perfectly.   We welcome many from day 1 and in some cases we also say good bye to them.  We cannot cheat the process.  We cannot just drop them off at the terminal and allow a shuttle to carry them off.  We need to be with them every step of the way.

Death is a sacred and intimate moment that we owe our loved ones. We need to be there and experience it with them. Dying well is critical to living well.

 

In honoring them, in honoring the death process, loved ones need to be with the loved one, yet many negative ideas on death prevent this important time of bonding.   Seeing death as the enemy, as a bad word, and as something to be avoided, leads to regrets later.  It not only affects the dying loved one in a negative way, but it also prevents healthy healing later for the surviving person.

How many times, do individuals not speak about the person’s condition, avoid the disease, maybe even avoid the dying person?  How many times, do individuals chastise other family members for speaking about death to the dying, or express emotion.

In addition to dismissing death, many hide emotion.  They think one must be strong for the loved one who is dying.  This prevents true expression of love.  It incurs unresolved issues that can later haunt the bereaved.  Most importantly, it prevents the dying to express their own emotions with the loved one.  So many chances are lost when death is not spoken about with the dying, or emotions are not permitted to be shared in this intimate moment.

So what do we speak about to the dying?  David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler Ross would simply state, “listen”.  By listening, we give ourselves to the dying, and we also allow them to open up.  No conversation is wrong.  It allows the dying to express their frustrations, their fears, their dreams. It allows closure in things that may never find closure.

Somedays, certain conversations about the reality of death may not be beneficial.  Other days, simply talking about the game and allowing the dying to live suffices.  Other times, discussing death can help the person face the reality and discuss important matters, or share certain feelings.  It is critical in these narrowing days of life, that one shares what one feels.  To hide and take away this precious time of mutual disclosure will never be there again.

Hence it is important to share things, to discuss death, to discuss anything and most importantly listen.  It is also crucial to share emotion, to allow the dying to know it is fine to be cry too!  Too many times,  individuals masquerade their feelings in these final precious moments.

Dying well involves communication, sharing, emotion and togetherness. Please also review our Pastoral Thanatology Certification

 

Death is part of life and not something that should be done wrongly.  Dying wrongly or experiencing death with a loved one is not about how one dies but how one experiences that death or process.  One who experiences death with communication and no false faces is not denied the dignity of it.  One who sojourns the dying to the final gate, experiences its entirety.  It is far from pleasant but when dying and loved ones experience death fully together, then it far more healthy in the short term for the dying and the long term for the mourner.   It is a moment in time that is intimate and precious and one we owe our loved ones to experience fully with them.

That is the pain of life but it is part of life.  We must live life to the fullest and live it correctly.  Death is no different.

Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  Care of the dying is an important field and the Pastoral Thanatology Certification can help one in helping others die well and in peace.

Grief Counseling Certification Article on How Your Loved One Died

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Death of a loved one is difficult by itself.  It takes time to recover from the loss and re-adjust to the life without them.  While we re-adjust, some say we never truly recover completely and that is fine.  However, when we lose someone and the death is complicated because of the nature of the death or how we ended it with a particular person, then complications can emerge in our recovery process.

Looking back the death of a loved one can be painful. Sometimes it can bring back certain things about the death or how we reacted to it. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Sometimes one may regret how they handled the death of a loved one.  Maybe the last words were not pleasant, or the one felt conflicted during the person’s illness.  Other times, one may regret not discussing or doing this or that with the person.  In other cases, the nature of the death itself can cause extreme distress.  Many deaths via suicide or through a particular disease can become disenfranchised.  Individuals suffer far greater in these types of sudden and unnatural deaths.  They raise questions and cause embarrassment in some cases.

These types of complications can lead to an array of issues for the recovery process and turn simple grieving into a complicated form of grief that may not reside on its own.

The article, “Struggling with How a Loved One Died” from “Whats Your Grief” looks at how one can overcome these conditions of a death of a loved one.  The article states,

“It’s very important to note, revisiting events like these can bring up many distressing thoughts and emotions. When thinking about the death, some people may actually re-experience intense emotions like panic, terror, and fear. In an effort to not feel this way, the person may actively avoid anything that could bring up these memories which, in the long run, may cause them to cut themselves off from important people and places and to possibly live in a state of hyperarousal.”

To review the entire article, please click here

To look back at a loved one’s death is natural.  There is nothing wrong with it, but when the death is more complicated or we regret how the process played out, then we may feel stronger emotions that can haunt us.  It is important to face those emotions and deal with them.

If you would like to become a certified Grief Counselor then please review the American Academy of Grief’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.

 

Grief Counseling Training Article on Grief Myths

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Improper ideas on grief can cause delayed and prolonged mourning.  It can also lead to complications in the grief support process.  It is important to understand false concepts regarding grief and loss to be able to grieve in a healthy way.  Grief is a painful experience but it also a life experience and needs to be understood properly to proceed through it’s process.

Grief myths can prolong the grieving process and complicate it. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your needs

 

The article, “These Myths About Grief Could Be Interrupting Your Healing Process” by Catherine Adams looks at grief myths that may be causing issues with one’s grieving process.  She states,

“Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of experience with grief in my short 25 years. When I look at this year and speak with my loved ones, I see grief all around me. Grief can be such a shocking experience, and I’ve found there are many harmful expectations surrounding how grief and healing should look. These expectations pigeon-hole us into pain and stagnancy, and can bar us from actually getting to the healing.”

To review the entire article, please click here

Grief myths can cause damage to the grieving process and also create erroneous views on life itself.  If you are interested in learning more about grief, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.

 

ADHD Consulting Program Article on Stress, ADHD and the Pandemic

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

ADHD can be disruptive to one’s life.  It can cause not only issues at work but home.  It is important to know how to cope with it and reducing stress from it is key.  This is especially true during the pandemic.  Reducing stress in the home life is possible during these troubled times.

Keeping peace and less stress in the home during the pandemic and dealing with ADHD can be difficult.

 

The article, “5 Daily Rituals to Reduce Stress In Your ADHD Household Right Now” by Suzanne Allen looks at how to reduce stress during the pandemic in an ADHD household.  She states,

“These days, many parents with whom I work with are noticing diminishing space in between situations and responses — from their children and themselves. Stress has made these “spaces” smaller, bringing about more yelling, more door slamming, and more intense emotions in quarantine. And with another major stressor upon us – the back-to-school season – it’s even more difficult to stay measured in our reactions”

To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s ADHD Consulting Program as well as AIHCP’s Stress Management Consulting Program and see if they meet your academic and professional goals.

 

Stress Management Consulting Certification Article on Stress and Different Personalities

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Stress can manifest from many things.  It can manifest from situations but also from relationships.  Relationships can range from work to home to personal to romantic.  Whenever people exist, the chance for conflict can exist.  Conflict in itself is not bad but can become stressful when not properly resolved.  Individuals need to learn about each other to reduce potential stress and infighting from differences and conflict.

Different personalities in any relationship can create conflict. It is important to see the value of conflict in better resolutions and not allow stress and disagreement to cause damage to relationships

 

Personality A and Personality B in themselves can cause issues but if we look deeper, we can find more indepth differences between people that result in conflict.  People are different at large scales and when these differences in values or expressions manifest at work or in a relationship, they can produce conflict.  In properly understanding other people and seeking to find solutions and compromises through questions, one can better resolve conflicts and produce beneficial results from them.

Karl Jung looked at differences in people as a source of stress from four conflicting personality traits.

The first was between extroverts and introverts.  Extroverts naturally are more outgoing.   They seek to meet new people, surround themselves with others socially and partake in activities.  They are quicker to move and respond.  Introverts on the contrary are less outgoing.  They find discomfort being around multiple people and seek to avoid festivities.  Introverts find more joy alone.  They move more slowly.   With 75 percent of the population extrovert, there is less chance to come into contact with introverts but it does occur.  At work, extroverts and introverts can find conflict in how their personalities seek to resolve issues.  Extroverts can reduce stress with introverts by encouraging them, while introverts can slow extroverts down through questioning.

Thinking or feeling? Which one do you utilize more in problem resolution?

 

The second preference is intuitive people and sensing people.  Sensing people approach problems more analytically and search for facts before making decisions, while intuitive people relay on gut feelings.  Sensing people systematically approach a situation while intuitive people may jump from place to place.  The conflict is very understandable.  75 percent of the population is sensing, while 25 percent is intuitive.   Both personalities need to see the merit of each other to solve the problem as a whole.

Different personalities react differently to conflict. It is important to know what personality traits you possess

 

The third preference is judging and perceiving.  Judging people are very objective while perceiving individuals are very subjective.  Judging individuals will have a set plan while perceiving are more flexible and adaptable.  Judging personalities wish to complete tasks and move on, while perceived personalities do not like to be rushed.  This flexible and inflexible conflict can lead to stress unless both parties seek common ground and understanding.

The fourth preference is thinking and feeling.  Many individuals make decisions based logical decision making instead of making decisions based on feelings.  Emotions are critical in processing a decision for a feeler, while logic is more important for a thinker.  Most men are thinkers and most women are feelers.  Thinkers tackle situations with the term, “I think we should…” while feelers approach problems with the term “I feel we should…”  While thinkers are cut off from feeling which is important, many feelers are stressed when making decisions due to immense emotion.

When looking for conflict resolution with less stress and great productivity, it is important that one identifies differences in people.  If one can understand their own personality traits and that of whom they are working with, then conflict has a greater chance to be resolved.  When one does not identify, then conflict has a greater chance of leading to stress and more problems.

Many individuals enter into conflict with more emotion than logic and set values.  Sometimes the values or perceived sense of rules are even greater than the issue itself.  It is important to understand each other and not allow extreme emotional responses to overtake.

It is far more than merely identifying differences of personality but also creating a integrative plan to find resolution.  This involves four facets.

First, a healthy relationship must be established.  This relationship must set ground rules and establish guidelines.

Second, there needs to be a clear statement of how each party feels.

Third, common goals must be established

Finally, a determination of range of alternatives and compromises must be established between the two parties.

Conflict can go either way but by establishing these guidelines, resolution has a far greater chance of success.  Sometimes, however, no matter how hard we try, conflict cannot be resolved.  Difficult and uncompromising people exist. When identifying difficult people, it is important to have a support group that you can trust and never stop working within your values.  When one realizes they are dealing with the difficult personality, it is best to avoid confrontation and when forced to work with such an individual to pose more questions to them than declarative statements.

Conflict resolution requires common ground and mutual understanding of each other.

Ultimately, balance is key in everything.  If one discovers they are too extrovert, they may wish to work on incorporating some introvert values, or if one is to rigid and judging, they may wish to balance that with more flexibility from time to time.  Balance within oneself creates harmony but when working with others who value differently, we should sometimes try to see them as the balance we may need to make a better decision.

If you would like to learn more about Stress Management or would like to become a certified Stress Management Consultant then please review AIHCP’s Stress Management Consulting Certification Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study for qualified professionals seeking to learn more in this important field of Stress Management.

To learn more about managing stress and reducing conflict, please review AIHCP’s Stress Management Consulting Certification

 

One can review the many Stress Management Courses by clicking the link.

Please also view our Anger Management Consulting Program.  This program also contains vital information for stress reduction and conflict resolution between differing personalities.

Case Management Program Article on Project Managers for Healthcare

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Healthcare sectors have been hit hard by COVID 19.  Many resources have been utilized to meet the needs of the pandemic.  Project managers have emerged as aides in helping healthcare face its growing challenges.

Project managers can help healthcare face its next crisis
Please also review our Case Management Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

 

The article, “How project managers can help the healthcare industry prepare for the next crisis” by Moira Alexander discusses how project managers can play a role in the next crisis.  She states,

“Virtually every industry was hit hard by COVID-19, but the medical sector suffered the greatest and still continues to feel the strain. Whether it’s hospitals, care centers, dentists, or private medical practices, there are opportunities for improvement—and that’s where project management professionals (PMPs) can play a pivotal role. ”

To review the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s Case Management Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.

Substance Abuse Counseling Training Article on Telemedicine and Addiction Help

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Telemedicine is becoming more prominent and will be here to stay since the pandemic.  It is being applied to reach the sick as well those in emotional need.  Substance abuse and addiction are also big uses of telemedicine.  Unfortunately, the technology is still ahead of many regulations.  Patients need help not red tape preventing healthcare providers the ability to help the addicted.

Those suffering from addiction are benefiting from telemedicine during the pandemic. Please also review AIHCP’s Substance Abuse Counseling Training Program

 

The article, “Telemedicine and addiction recovery: A new way forward?” by Mary Tolan looks at the importance of telemedicine in helping individuals who face addiction and how to make it more efficient.  She states,

“Will the future of addiction recovery take place on video conference screens and emailed notes? Even a few months ago, treating addiction patients remotely might seem like a stretch at first listen — metaphorically, geographically, and medicinally. But now, as the Covid-19 crisis puts pressure on outpatient providers to facilitate remote care, some addiction professionals have set aside that skepticism and opened digital care channels, willing to explore any avenue that might lead their patients out of the opioid epidemic’s grip and into a healthy future. ”

Covid19 has changed the landscape of healthcare forever and modern technology will continue to play a vital role.  Now it is just a matter of the regulations and laws to catch up to the new technology.  To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s Substance Abuse Counseling Training Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.

 

 

 

 

Meditation Instructor Program Article on Meditation and Difficult Times

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Difficult times can bring out the best or worst.  Grief and loss can make it difficult to focus and handle situations.  Meditation and focus can help one find centering during difficult times and help one be able to do what is needed during those times.

Meditation can help one find focus and centering during difficult times. Please also review AIHCP’s Meditation Instructor Program and see it meets your academic and professional goals.

 

The article, “A Practical Approach To Being Grateful And Mindful During Difficult Times” by Rob Dube looks at how meditation and mindfulness can help one during stormy times in one’s life.  He states,

“Mindfulness is a great skill for anyone who wants to create a better impact in business, and in our everyday lives. However, it also shows up when times get tough—and this proved especially true when Julianna was grieving the death of her parents.  Mindfulness didn’t make the pain of their passing vanish, but her practice built her an internal support system. It even helped Julianna find genuine gratitude during an unbelievably trying time.”

To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s Meditation Instructor Program and see how it can help you utilize meditation but also train others in this key skill.

 

Pastoral Thanatology Certification Article on the Dying and Hope

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Dying is part of life.  Dying is not a failure but a pivotal part of human experience.  No-one truly knows what is like to die but individuals can learn how to face it.  Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler wrote extensively on death and the needs of the dying.  They discussed vital aspects in how to counsel and listen to the dying.

One of the biggest things they emphasized was to treat the dying as if they are still alive.  To many times, the dying are seen merely as an old shell of what they once were.  The dying are defined by their disease, not who they were.  The term my “dying grandfather” is applied instead of my “grandfather who is dying”.  Dying is not the essential quality of the person.  The essence of the person remains.

Treating the dying as living human beings is the first key in Pastoral Thanatology

 

When listening to the needs of the dying, one needs to see the full humanness of the person.  They need to see the light within the person’s eyes, not the disease, the machines keeping the person alive, or the crippled body.  The person still exists.

It is essential to treat the dying with dignity and respect.  They deserve to be spoken to about their condition.  They deserve to be involved in the decisions, if conscious.  They deserve to be recognized.  This is family should not shun the conversation of death, or hide their conversations outside the hospital room.  The dying need to be treated as living.

The dignity of the dying is critical to maintain as a living person.   They need to be listened to, spoken to, and not treated as if they already dead.  Hope should never be denied.  Hope is a key element.  While some may remained to the reality of approaching death, hope can continue to fuel the dying.  Since they are alive, hope is still always alive.  To die with hope is not a bad thing.

Dreams of a cure, or a miracle are not bad things.  Too many times, doctors and healthcare professionals see death as defeat and not part of life.  Once the disease progresses to a certain point, they no longer view the person as alive.  They sometimes dismiss hope because of their own defeat.  Death, however, is not defeat.  Death is natural and is as part of life as birth.  Hope for life even during terminal illness does not mean one is in denial of his or her condition but that one is alive and ready to face any challenge, even to the very last breath.   This is the essence of the human spirit and the true meaning of being alive.

Never deny hope to the dying. Hope and dignity are essential to the dying process. Miracles may or may not happen, but noone should be denied hope. Please also review our Pastoral Thanatology Certification

 

One cannot label the dying as dead but treat them as alive.  One must see in the dying, the face of a man or woman in her prime, not defined by old age or disease.  Whether one believes in miracles or does not, whether one is spiritual or not, one cannot dismiss hope if they work with the dying.   Hope is a powerful thing.  Whether it prolongs life or does not, it definitely does not hurt the person.  If the hope is well rounded in reason but yet optimistic, one can live while they are yet dying.

One cannot dismiss the final time of death as wasteful or useless.  There is always a reason.  More time to learn, or teach others.   Family may come closer, or learn new things during the dying process.  Maybe the dying wishes to see one last person.

It is important to grant hope but also to discuss death, to let the dying know they are still a complete person.  They can accept death with dignity as well as fight for every breath, or they may succumb to death with the love of others surrounding them.   Only if the person is given the dignity they deserve while dying is there a true possibility for a happy death.

Dignity and hope are key elements of living the fullness of death.  It may seem contradictory to say living the process of death but that is what it truly is.  When we view the dying as already dead, there is no true process, no true experience of this ultimate event.  Death is part of life and hope and dignity are essential elements of “living” a “healthy” death.

I recommend reading the classics of Kubler Ross, as well as David Kessler’s works on the matter.  Their insight, experience and analysis of death are essential to anyone working in the field of hospice, pastoral thanatology or grief counseling.

If you would like to learn more about death and dying, or would like to become certified in Pastoral Thanatology, then please review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.

 

Anger Management Certification Article on Anger Control

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Anger can ruin lives.  While it is only a natural emotion, if it is not controlled or managed, then physical harm can occur.  It is very important if one has an anger issue to work on controlling anger.

How we control our anger and rage will determine overall health as well as safety for others. Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Certification

 

The article, “Managing Anger Issues: Don’t let anger ruin your relationship” by Marie Miguel looks at how anger can be better managed and controlled.  She states,

“Everyone gets angry. It is a normal and healthy emotion that happens to us from infancy to old age. According to the American Psychological Association, or APA, anger is an emotional state that can vary in its intensity from mild irritation to extremely intense rage and fury.”

To read the entire article, please click here

Learning anger management techniques are essential for those who cannot control their anger.  Even at a lower level, anger can be unhealthy for blood pressure.  So it is important to learn to manage frustration and anger for health as well as protecting others from unintended harm.  Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Certification and see if it meets your personal and professional academic goals.