Toxic Positivity and Grief

 

I. Introduction

In contemporary discourse surrounding emotional well-being, the phenomenon of toxic positivity has emerged as a significant barrier to authentic expressions of grief. This pervasive mindset emphasizes the importance of maintaining a positive outlook, often at the expense of acknowledging genuine feelings of sadness, loss, and despair. The implications of toxic positivity can be particularly detrimental, as it marginalizes those who are grieving, pressuring them to suppress their emotions in favor of an unrealistic standard of happiness. Without recognition of sorrow as a natural response to loss, individuals risk further alienation and psychological distress. The delicate balance between fostering joy and validating grief is crucial for healthy emotional processing, as highlighted by the need to create safe spaces for healing. In this context, it becomes essential to challenge cultural narratives that prioritize cheerfulness over the complex realities of human emotion, which is essential for communal support and personal resilience (Leu et al., 2018), (White et al., 2020).

In grief, you do not need to pretend everything is OK, in fact you should grieve and express your emotions.
When toxic positivity is forced on individuals who are acutely grieving a loss, it can numerous negative effects which we will explore.  Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified mental health professionals.

 

A. Definition of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity is a pervasive cultural phenomenon characterized by an overwhelming insistence on maintaining a positive outlook, to the detriment of genuine emotional expression. It manifests when individuals dismiss or invalidate emotions such as grief, anger, or sadness, often in an effort to promote a façade of relentless optimism. This approach can lead to a suppression of authentic experiences, causing individuals to feel isolated in their struggles. By prioritizing a bright side mentality, one may inadvertently contribute to a cycle of emotional distress, as the real feelings surrounding loss are unacknowledged. For example, while cathartic writing has historically served as a therapeutic outlet for grappling with grief and anxiety, toxic positivity may undermine its effectiveness by overshadowing the complexities of these emotions and promoting superficial coping strategies instead (Brown et al., 2022), (White et al., 2020). Understanding toxic positivity is essential for fostering a healthy dialogue around grief and the myriad emotions that accompany it.

 

B. Overview of grief as a natural response to loss

Grief is an inherent human response to loss, encompassing a spectrum of emotions that reflect the magnitude of the relationships and experiences we cherish. This emotional turmoil can manifest in a variety of responses, including sadness, anger, and confusion, which are essential for processing the impact of loss. The societal tendency toward toxic positivity often discourages individuals from fully experiencing their grief, promoting a superficial acceptance of feelings that does not align with their lived reality. As illustrated in Mourning Wave, a project commemorating collective grief, the interplay between personal loss and environmental concerns highlights how both individual and communal grief can serve as transformative experiences. Rituals and altars, as integral aspects of mourning, provide opportunities for authentic expression, facilitating discussions about loss that encompass not only personal sorrow but also broader societal issues ((White et al., 2020); (Stewart et al., 2015)). Understanding grief as a natural response is crucial in fostering environments that allow for genuine emotional expression and healing.

 

C. Importance of addressing the intersection of toxic positivity and grief

Exploring the intricate relationship between toxic positivity and grief is vital in fostering a healthier dialogue surrounding mourning practices. Toxic positivity, which demands an unwavering optimism even in the face of profound loss, often exacerbates an individuals sense of isolation and invalidates their emotional experiences. This phenomenon aligns with contemporary critiques of grief narratives, highlighting the dangers of dismissing authentic feelings in favor of superficial positivity. The historical context provided by the Death Positive movement, rooted in Victorian attitudes towards mourning, underscores the significance of bringing intimacy back into collective grief responses, challenging the commercialization and institutionalization of death (Reagan et al., 2023). Furthermore, understanding how mainstream narratives often prioritize certain victimhood constructs—overwhelmingly white and innocuous—can illuminate the systemic issues at play in both toxic positivity and grief. By addressing these intersections, we may cultivate a more inclusive and empathetic space for processing loss (White et al., 2020).

 

II. Understanding Grief

The complexities of grief are often underscored by cultural narratives that demand a sense of positivity in the face of loss, leading to what is termed toxic positivity. This phenomenon can obscure the authentic emotional responses individuals experience, hindering the natural progression through grief. Research has shown that the bereaved often navigate similar emotional landscapes whether mourning real individuals or fictitious characters, highlighting a shared human experience of loss ((Jansen et al., 2023)). Moreover, the concept of relational savoring offers insight into how individuals process these emotions, suggesting that positive memories connected to lost relationships can act as a protective mechanism against the psychological distress of grief ((Basic et al., 2024)). Understanding these dynamics reveals that while society may pressure individuals to remain positive, acknowledging and embracing the full spectrum of grief is essential for healing and authenticity, allowing for a more genuine connection to both personal and collective experiences of loss.

Grief cannot be cheated. Grief work is necessary and toxic positivity denies this basic part of healing

 

A. Stages of grief according to Kübler-Ross

The stages of grief articulated by Kübler-Ross serve as a fundamental framework for understanding the emotional responses encountered during loss, which are often overshadowed by toxic positivity. According to Kübler-Ross, individuals typically navigate through five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Each stage encapsulates unique emotional experiences that validate the complexities of grief, exacerbated when societal norms pressure individuals to adopt a façade of positivity. For instance, empirical investigations reveal that responses to grief are not only applicable to real-life scenarios but also resonate within narrative-driven media, underscoring the emotional investment in fictitious character deaths (Jansen et al., 2023). Furthermore, the intersection of grief and environmental concerns illustrates how collective mourning can be manifested through rituals, emphasizing the need for authentic engagement with feelings rather than immediate resolutions (Stewart et al., 2015). Recognizing these stages as integral to the grieving process can mitigate the adverse effects of toxic positivity on mental health.

 

B. Emotional and physical manifestations of grief

Grief manifests in a multitude of emotional and physical ways, reflecting the profound impact of loss on an individual’s psyche and body. Emotionally, individuals may experience a devastating array of feelings, including sadness, anger, and guilt, which can lead to further isolation in the face of toxic positivity. Such societal pressures to maintain an outwardly positive demeanor often dismiss the legitimate struggles associated with grief, complicating the healing process. Physically, grief can express itself through symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, and even chronic pain, highlighting the interconnectedness of emotional and physical health. As the boundaries of conventional mourning practices shift, innovative therapeutic tools, such as those proposed in the LifeWrite initiative, may serve to bridge these gaps. By creating new rituals and digital spaces for remembrance, we can better facilitate authentic expressions of grief, allowing for a comprehensive understanding of the grieving experience (Drinan et al., 2016), (Drinan et al., 2016).

 

C. Cultural differences in grieving processes

Grieving processes are profoundly shaped by cultural contexts, influencing how individuals express sorrow and cope with loss. For instance, Western cultures often promote the notion of moving on quickly from grief, which can inadvertently foster toxic positivity and discourage individuals from fully experiencing their emotions. In contrast, many Indigenous cultures embrace a more holistic approach to grief, recognizing it as a communal experience that necessitates deep emotional engagement and expression, often tied to cultural and spiritual practices. This understanding highlights the diversity of grieving processes, as seen in the responses of Indigenous peoples to trauma stemming from historical injustices, where connection to culture and spirituality enhance emotional resilience (Fast E et al., 2020). Furthermore, contemporary discussions about eco-anxiety reveal how grief can manifest in various emotional states, such as anger and despair, indicating that acknowledging and validating these feelings is crucial for healing (Pihkala P, 2020). Thus, recognizing cultural differences in grief is essential for promoting genuine emotional support.

 

III. The Concept of Toxic Positivity

In exploring the interplay between toxic positivity and grief, it becomes evident that the pressure to adopt a relentlessly positive mindset can severely inhibit authentic emotional processing. By promoting an unrealistic expectation that individuals should maintain an uplifting demeanor, toxic positivity dismisses the complexity of grief, thereby denying people the essential space to navigate their painful experiences. This phenomenon becomes particularly apparent in the context of grieving parents who have lost an adult child to a drug overdose, where overwhelming emotions such as anger and despair are often overshadowed by societal pressures to “stay positive” (Brun D et al., 2019). Moreover, the emotional expression of children affected by trauma, such as those from war zones, reflects similar challenges, indicating that the journey through grief requires an acknowledgment of pain alongside the potential for hope (Zhou et al., 2024). Thus, recognizing and validating these emotions is crucial for fostering genuine healing and resilience.

Toxic positivity takes light the pain and emotion that needs expressed with twists to pretend it is not that bad or that someone needs to move on faster than one should

 

A. Definition and examples of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity can be defined as the pervasive belief that individuals should maintain a positive mindset, regardless of their circumstances, particularly during times of grief or hardship. This paradigm often manifests through societal pressures to suppress negative emotions, leading to the invalidation of genuine feelings of sorrow or distress. For instance, phrases like “just think positive” or “everything happens for a reason” can overlook the complexities of grief, prompting individuals to feel ashamed or guilty about their authentic emotional experiences. During the COVID-19 pandemic, positivity imperatives intensified, encouraging individuals, especially women, to embody an unwavering optimism despite overwhelming challenges. Such pressures serve to divert attention from structural inequalities and personal struggles, reinforcing a neoliberal narrative that emphasizes individual resilience over collective healing (Gill et al., 2021). In this context, the promotion of positivity can inhibit meaningful expressions of grief, ultimately hindering emotional processing and recovery (Brown et al., 2022).

 

B. Psychological impacts of toxic positivity on individuals

For those grappling with grief, toxic positivity can have significant, often negative, psychological effects. Although positive affirmations can sometimes be a helpful way to cope, constantly pushing for a positive mindset when someone is grieving can actually make them feel guilty and alone. Instead of dealing with their sadness or anger, people might try to force themselves to be positive, which can get in the way of truly processing their loss. Think of grieving parents, for example; they might feel like they’re on a lonely island because society expects them to be strong and happy (Brun D et al., 2019). On the other hand, there’s something called relational savoring, which is about focusing on happy memories of the people we’ve lost. This can actually help protect us from psychological distress. Practices like these could help people feel more secure and allow them to grieve while still cherishing the memories they have (Basic et al., 2024). Ultimately, these points highlight just how important it is to understand all the different ways people express their emotions when they’re grieving.

 

C. The role of social media in promoting toxic positivity

Social media? It’s practically a pipeline for pushing toxic positivity, especially when we’re talking about grief. The pressure to be relentlessly upbeat can really drown out genuine sorrow. Because everything moves so fast online, we mostly see these highlight reels of strength and resilience. And that often pushes people to downplay their real pain and sadness. Instead of opening up real talks about grief, this can leave people feeling totally alone, like they’re breaking some rule by *not* being positive. And honestly, putting on that happy face can mess with the whole grieving thing, not giving people the room they need to work through their complicated feelings. Research (Brun D et al., 2019), (Patnaik et al., 2022) shows grieving is way more complex than you’d guess from the internet, and toxic positivity online? It’s not helping anyone heal or feel better, generally speaking.

In addition, numerous individuals look to push positive outlooks and bully grievers into accepting different outlooks or denying grievers the right to grieve.  They put timetables on tears, or push for certain dates that only happiness is permitted after a loss.  These types of grief bullies can cause more damage to the bereaved in preventing the natural expression of emotion and also shaming them to express the important feelings that need expressed.

 

IV. The Effects of Toxic Positivity on Grieving Individuals

Grief, at its core, is a tangled web of emotions, a process that sometimes gets more complicated thanks to what we call “toxic positivity.” This is when there’s an unspoken rule that everyone should always be upbeat, no matter what. When people are grieving, they might feel like they *have* to hide their real feelings—the sadness, the anger, the feelings of hopelessness—and put on a happy face instead. But this can really mess with their ability to heal. When you can’t be honest about how you feel, grief becomes a lonely journey, one where you don’t feel seen or supported, and that can drag out the pain. What’s more, toxic positivity can make us miss the good that can come out of grief, much like eco-anxiety, where feeling despair and guilt can push us to do something positive (Pihkala P, 2020). If we ignore all the different feelings that come with grief, even well-meaning folks might shut down important conversations, so we have to build spaces where people can show their true colors (Golovianko M et al., 2023).

The bereaved need to grieve to heal. When this denied, grief complications can occur. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

A. Dismissal of genuine emotions and experiences

When we look at toxic positivity, one big problem is how it ignores real feelings and what people go through, especially when they’re grieving. Pushing everyone to always be positive doesn’t just make sorrow seem less important, it also makes people feel like their own experiences don’t matter. People might start to feel really alone and annoyed when others tell them to just think happy thoughts or look for the good side. This can happen in different cultures. Studies show that when people feel less human and can’t express their emotions, they might look for other ways to heal, like in Native communities (Steinmeyer et al., 2020). Avoiding painful emotions can also make it harder to deal with hard times. So, it’s important to talk about grief openly, so people know their feelings are okay and that they matter (Rada et al., 2023).

 

B. Increased feelings of isolation and shame

It’s especially heartbreaking how toxic positivity amplifies feelings of isolation and shame, especially when people are grieving. There’s this pressure from society to always seem emotionally strong, and it can really disconnect you from what you’re actually feeling. So, people kind of bury their grief to fit in with what’s expected of them, right? This can make you feel even more alone because you might think showing your sadness is like, a weakness, or that you’re bringing other people down. Take healthcare workers dealing with burnout, for example. They’re not just tired; they also feel ashamed when they can’t keep up with how competent they’re *supposed* to be, so they don’t ask for help ((S Watkins et al., 2021)). And you see something similar with women getting HPV tests. They often feel anxious and isolated because of all the pressure to be healthy, which just shows how much unnecessary shame can mess with your head ((C Liverani et al., 2018)). In most cases, these situations demonstrate how toxic positivity gets in the way of showing real emotions, which, generally speaking, makes the loneliness even worse when you’re grieving.

 

C. Hindrance to the healing process and emotional recovery

Toxic positivity, pushing relentless happiness, often throws a wrench into both healing and emotional recovery, particularly when grieving. Insisting on a happy face can bottle up real feelings, making people feel alone in their sadness. When society tells us to “look on the bright side,” it kind of dismisses the complicated nature of grief, which really needs acknowledging and accepting all those painful emotions. Sometimes, cultural stories that equate being vulnerable with being weak make it even harder to ask for help. Discussions about how cultures work constantly challenge those simple stories, underlining that we need a more thoughtful understanding of emotional recovery, as we see in [extractedKnowledge33]. The end result of this toxic positivity? It gets in the way of the real connections that help us heal, potentially dragging out the pain of grief (Krasny E, 2023), (Krasny E, 2023).

 

V. Conclusion

To summarize, comprehending the intricate relationship between toxic positivity and grief underscores the importance of a detailed awareness of emotional reactions to loss. Constant positivity can diminish the intense pain felt during bereavement, particularly following tragic events like losing a child to a drug overdose. Navigating this challenging emotional space demands that health professionals offer sensitive, empathetic care to those grieving, as conventional support methods might prove inadequate. Studies suggest using models such as the Kawa model can better understand the experiences of grieving parents ((Brun D et al., 2019)). Furthermore, grief isn’t limited to actual events; even the death of fictional characters can stir strong emotional reactions akin to those from real-world losses ((Jansen et al., 2023)). As our society continues to face issues surrounding loss and mourning, we must tackle the problems created by toxic positivity to encourage healthier emotional atmospheres.

Never allow someone to dismiss your grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
Please also remember to review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program.  Grief Counselors can play a key role in helping individuals acknowledge and experience their feelings.  Grief Counselors can help individuals put in the grief work necessary and dismiss the pressure of toxic positivity outside the counseling room.  They can help the bereaved understand that is OK to grieve and experience emotions and not feel happy for a time being.  They can even help the bereaved understand that no twist on the situation can repair the loss.  The loss is not curable but it is adaptable with the proper attitude towards the grieving process and healing.

 

A. Summary of key points discussed

When we consider how toxic positivity interacts with grief, we find some important things that show how bad it is to ignore real emotions. First of all, toxic positivity kind of acts like a roadblock, pushing people to hide their grief and pretend to be happy. But this can leave emotional pain unresolved. This is made worse when society encourages cheerfulness and discourages showing any vulnerability. Also, when we start treating these overly positive sayings as normal, it can make those who are grieving feel like they’re all alone in their sadness. Studies have shown that people who show certain characteristics, like Conduct Reconstrual and Dehumanization, might even see toxic positivity as a good thing in social interactions and don’t fully understand the seriousness of emotional battles ((Nicole A Beres et al., 2021)). If we don’t pay attention to toxic positivity, it could harm mental health by not acknowledging the normal grieving process, which is necessary for getting better. Therefore, talking about these problems is a call to rethink how society helps people as they go through grief.

 

B. The importance of validating grief and emotions

Dealing with grief is tough, and it’s super important to let people feel what they feel. Validating emotions is really key when someone’s going through a loss. It gives them a base to recognize and be okay with their feelings, without someone trying to force happiness on them. If you brush grief aside or act like it’s nothing, folks can wind up feeling totally alone in what they’re going through, which just makes everything worse. You see something similar with eco-anxiety; those feelings of grief, guilt, and just plain despair get all mixed up with how we react to environmental problems (Pihkala P, 2020). Creating safe places where people can share and show their grief helps them bounce back and heal. When we let people honestly share what they’re feeling, it tells them their experience is real, and it fights back against the way society often tries to bury negative emotions. Ultimately, it makes for a more supportive place for people dealing with really deep losses (Koco Jń et al., 2023).

 

C. Encouragement for a balanced approach to emotional support during grief

Dealing with grief, it turns out, isn’t straightforward; it’s a bit like finding your way through a maze. What’s really needed is a sensitive way to offer support that doesn’t accidentally push someone towards “toxic positivity.” See, when people mean well and say things like “just focus on the bright side,” it can actually downplay the really complicated feelings someone’s going through. It’s vital to really see and accept all the different parts of grieving to help someone heal. So, a good strategy involves making sure people feel safe enough to really express their sadness, *and* teaching them ways to bounce back, too. Taking up something like yoga, for example, can be really helpful along with getting emotional support; yoga can boost emotional regulation by helping people understand and accept themselves a bit better (Saurabh1 S, 2025). Also, when we foster good relationships and have helpful talks about grief, we build a community where each person’s experience is respected without making them feel like their feelings are less important (Y Singgalen, 2024). This comprehensive approach acknowledges the challenges of grieving and, maybe more importantly, gives folks the tools to navigate toward healing in a way that works for the

Additional Blogs

Please also review AIHCP’s blog on Autism and Grief.  Click here

Additional Resources

“What is ‘Toxic Positivity’ in Grief?” (2021). Whats Your Grief.  Access here

Villines, Z. (2021). “What to know about toxic positivity”. Medical News Today.  Access here

Razettl, G. (2021). “The Antidote to Toxic Positivity”. Psychology Today.  Access here

Silver, K. (2024). “Toxic Positivity: When ‘Good Vibes Only’ Goes Too Far”. WebMD. Access here

 

 

Grief Counseling: Estrangement and Grief with a loved one who dies

I. Introduction

Grief is a profoundly intricate process, particularly when intertwined with estrangement, as the emotional landscape becomes further complicated by unresolved issues and unspoken words that linger long after a loss has occurred. The death of a loved one prompts individuals to confront not only the overwhelming sorrow they experience but also the intricate complexities of their past relationships, which may be fraught with tension and regret. Traumatic bereavement, characterized by sudden and unexpected loss, evokes intense feelings of isolation and a profound loss of meaning in life, as highlighted in recent studies (Harris et al., 2020). Such losses can feel particularly jarring, drawing forth a whirlwind of emotions that many may struggle to articulate or understand. Additionally, those affected by the substance-related deaths of loved ones face unique grief challenges that compound their suffering, often marginalized by societal stigma that complicates their mourning process and makes them feel isolated even in their moments of greatest need (St. Cyr et al., 2019). This essay seeks to delve deeper into these complex themes of estrangement and grief, examining how psychological growth can emerge from such life-altering loss while highlighting the critical need for supportive interventions and understanding from others. The interplay of these dynamics is crucial in confronting and navigating the tumultuous waters of grief, ultimately fostering a more comprehensive path toward healing and resilience, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, growth and recovery are possible when we seek connection and support.

Estrangement between family members is painful but even more so when the permanence of death forbids reconciliation. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program

While this type of grief is by itself shocking even if the person is still alive, the permanence of never reconciling is even intensified when the loved one passes. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification.  Please click here

 

A. Definition of estrangement and its relevance to grief

Estrangement, defined as a profound emotional disconnection from significant others, often emerges in the context of grief following the death of a loved one. This state of alienation can significantly complicate the grieving process, leading individuals to feel even more isolated and misunderstood during their time of loss. The emotional turmoil of losing someone close can be intensified by the lack of supportive connections, as those grappling with their grief may find it difficult to reach out for help or comfort. Particularly when the relationship with the deceased was strained or marked by unresolved conflicts, survivors may grapple with complex and painful emotions, exacerbating their overall sense of grief and despair. The phenomenon of estrangement not only influences emotional well-being but also shapes social interactions; bereaved individuals may withdraw from their support networks, fearing judgment, misunderstanding, or the burden of their pain on others. This withdrawal can create a vicious cycle, where the very act of isolating oneself leads to heightened feelings of loneliness and despair. Research highlights that themes of isolation frequently arise in experiences of traumatic bereavement, underscoring how estrangement can manifest itself in the aftermath of sudden loss and complicate the healing process (Harris et al., 2020). Moreover, acknowledging the denial of rights associated with unclaimed bodies raises ethical questions about the dignity of those who have passed, further complicating the framework within which grief is understood and handled by the living (LOPES DS et al., 2024). Ultimately, the intersection of estrangement and grief reveals a complex emotional landscape that necessitates deeper exploration and understanding in both personal and clinical settings.

 

B. Overview of the emotional complexities involved in losing a loved one

Losing someone dear can get especially messy when estrangement is part of the mix; people end up wrestling with all kinds of feelings that don’t neatly settle into one box. When there’s no clear ending, you might find guilt, anger, and even a sense of relief bubbling up at once, really muddying the usual grieving process. Many personal stories show that keeping distance from a parent sparks an inner tug-of-war—self-care unexpectedly bumping into that deep, lingering need for closeness. Society’s old-school ideas about family bonds and how to mourn just add fuel to the fire, almost as if they ignore that estrangement really writes its own set of rules. And honestly, even tools like the DSM-5, which are supposed to help pin down Complicated Grief, often miss the tiny nuances of these unique emotional states (Mosko et al., 2015). When it comes down to it, navigating such an emotional maze usually means coming up with your own, tailor-made ways of grieving that honor both your personal journey and the twisty history of your relationships (Pedersen et al., 2019).

 

C. Purpose and significance of exploring estrangement and grief

Sometimes life’s unexpectedly tough moments come when grief and estrangement collide. When someone you love slips away, it’s not just about missing them—it’s about feeling that deep, sometimes confusing separation that tacks on extra layers of pain. Family breakups, for instance, can trigger bouts of anxiety and prolonged stress; these aren’t just passing moods but serious mental health challenges for those stuck with unsorted emotions ((Shaffer et al., 2024)). People find themselves in these situations—often because of heated family disputes or personal decisions—and the hurt they face resists easy explanation. Generally speaking, evidence hints that the fallout from estrangement seeps far beyond one relationship, slowly infecting the entire family unit ((Hall et al., 2024)). Look a bit closer and you see that such estrangement subtly shifts how we grieve, nudging personal healing off its usual track and sometimes opening new doors for therapy. In most cases, this tangled journey holds meaning not only for those on the front lines of clinical treatment but also for anyone trying to piece together the puzzle of loss.

 

II. Understanding Estrangement

Estrangement and grief come together in a rather tangled way—keeping some emotional distance can really complicate saying goodbye to someone we once cared about. When family bonds have already gone off track, loss tends to mix in a jumble of unsaid feelings and leftover regrets. Some research into how death affects those once-close but now distant relationships shows that people often hang onto little mementos of their lost loved ones, even when they’d drifted apart previously (Price et al., 2019). Holding onto these keepsakes seems to suggest that, in a quiet way, a connection still lingers; it weaves into the memories of the departed and even shapes how we see ourselves afterward. In most cases, Dan Moller argues that our effort to be tough in the face of grief can sometimes cut off our emotional ties to those we’ve lost, which might leave us a bit in the dark about our own needs and identities (Cholbi et al., 2019). All in all, digging into the role of estrangement might be key to untangling grief’s messy layers—blending sincere pain with a chance to rediscover who we really are.

Estrangement to loved ones causes pain while both parties are alive but can cause complications in grieving when one party passes away

Ultimately, estrangement itself present numerous struggles to an individual even if the person does not die.  While alive, holidays and past memories can cause pain, while merely lacking whatever support the individual supplied, be it emotional or even financial.  Death makes the estrangement even more permanent.

 

A. Factors contributing to estrangement in relationships

Sometimes, family rifts aren’t just about one single issue; they often emerge from a messy mix of factors that hit hardest when grief takes hold after losing someone close. Research, for example, generally shows that unresolved squabbles within a family can nudge people into drifting apart—even when everyone’s already reeling from a loss (Shaffer et al., 2024). In many cases, the struggle with grief only deepens these gaps; some findings even hint that folks might cling to keepsakes from departed relatives, almost as if those objects quietly hold onto unresolved feelings and familiar memories (Price et al., 2019). This tangled situation doesn’t just complicate the healing process—it can also leave behind long-lasting troubles like anxiety and ongoing stress. Overall, getting a real handle on these intertwined factors seems pretty key to easing both the pain of loss and the growing disconnects between family members.

 

 

B. Psychological impact of estrangement on individuals

Being cut off from someone close—especially when death is involved—can hit you hard and change how you feel deep down. Loss often comes tangled with feelings of loneliness and a need to protect yourself; the unresolved hang-ups and missing support only make it harder to grieve properly. Studies show, for instance (Harris et al., 2020), that after a sudden or violent loss, many people surprisingly find a kind of personal growth as they try to dodge society’s rough judgments about their pain. Kids face an even trickier situation; losing a bond so crucial can really throw off how they process grief, sometimes leading to what experts call Childhood Traumatic Grief. When young people don’t get enough support during these important years, it not only ups the immediate pain but also sets the stage for long-lasting challenges in handling any future losses (Kamp et al., 2013).

 

C. The role of unresolved conflicts in estranged relationships

When old conflicts linger in estranged bonds, grief tends to hit even harder when someone dear passes away. People often find themselves stuck dealing with past squabbles that just don’t seem to resolve—and those old issues can make letting go a real uphill battle. Many writings, in most cases, point out that these unresolved matters stir up waves of regret, guilt, and anxiety, which then slow down any real healing process (Shaffer et al., 2024). The emotional toll from being cut off from loved ones sometimes piles on long-term struggles like bouts of depression and an ever-present stress that seems to stick around (Shaffer et al., 2024). At times, the pain forces individuals to question not only who they are but also what their relationships actually mean, muddling the usual ways of coping with loss. In essence, not facing these old conflicts only deepens the overall experience of mourning. All in all, even if it feels messy and complicated, taking time to acknowledge and work through these unresolved issues is absolutely key to understanding the full picture of grief.

 

III. The Process of Grief

Estrangement and grief is a painful process that pushes in painful changes.

Grief can be a messy affair, especially when estrangement is thrown into the mix. People often find themselves caught between deep sadness and regret over relationships that never really bloomed, and sudden waves of relief or a need to protect themselves after losing someone dear. Research generally shows that when loss is sudden or even violent, survivors often end up feeling isolated and instinctively wary as they work through their emotions (Harris et al., 2020). Sometimes, personal stories of family neglect reveal that keeping distance—even from an ill parent nearing the end—can stir up a jumble of feelings that don’t fit neatly into traditional mourning. In the end, these tangled experiences push folks to put some self care first, prompting a fresh look at what we really mean by the grieving process.

 

A. Stages of grief and their manifestation in estranged relationships

Grief can get pretty messy, especially when you’re dealing with estranged connections and those unresolved feelings that just refuse to settle. It shows up in lots of ways – regret that seems extra sharp and a craving for a bond that never really took off, generally speaking. When you really look at it, grief isn’t merely about overwhelming sadness; it also ends up reshaping how you remember and relate to the one who’s gone. People who had already grown apart before their loved one died often find themselves caught up in memories of old conflicts and the chances they never took to make things right (Cholbi et al., 2019). Research even suggests that folks in these situations sometimes hang on to keepsakes and other meaningful items, as if clinging to the memory matters despite the past distance (Price et al., 2019). All in all, grief turns into a very personal, sometimes messy journey that forces you to reexamine who you are after the loss.

 

B. Unique challenges faced by those grieving an estranged loved one

Grieving the death of an estranged loved one presents a distinct array of challenges that can complicate the mourning process significantly and create a unique set of obstacles that are not often understood by others. While loss inherently evokes feelings of sorrow, the estranged individual often grapples with conflicting emotions, such as regret, guilt, and unresolved resentment, which can create a chaotic emotional landscape that is difficult to navigate. This emotional turmoil is further intensified by societal stigma surrounding estrangement, which can lead to feelings of isolation and self-protection as bereaved individuals find themselves grappling with their grief without adequate support from their friends, family, or community ((Harris et al., 2020)). According to research, bereavement experienced in the context of substance abuse or social neglect amplifies these feelings of disenfranchisement, as friends and family may feel uncertain about how to express condolences or support those left behind. This uncertainty can prevent an open dialogue about grief, leaving the bereaved in a state of confusion and loneliness, as they desire acknowledgment of their loss but often face dismissal instead ((St. Cyr et al., 2019)). Consequently, those grieving an estranged loved one may find themselves in a dual struggle—reconciling the complexities of their relationship while also contending with the profound impact of their loved one’s absence. This intricate blend of conflicting feelings can hinder the healing process, making it harder to find closure or to engage in healthy grieving practices, further perpetuating a cycle of unresolved grief and emotional distress that can linger for an extended period.

It should also be noted that many times, children are forced into estrangement issues.  The two parties will take break up families.  Hence children may no longer see their grandparent or aunt or uncle or other cousins.  Many times, the children are victims of the actions of the adults and suffer from the loss of other family.

 

C. Coping mechanisms for dealing with grief in the context of estrangement

Navigating grief in the context of estrangement presents unique challenges that require tailored coping mechanisms specifically designed to address the complexities of such situations. When a loved one dies following a prolonged period of estrangement, individuals may grapple with a whirlwind of emotions, including unresolved conflict or guilt, which further complicates the already intricate grieving process. Adopting self-reflective practices, such as journaling, can prove invaluable, as it allows individuals to articulate their deepest emotions and confront lingering questions about their past relationships, facilitating a clearer understanding of their feelings. Additionally, engaging in support groups specifically focused on estrangement and grief might provide a communal space where individuals can openly share their unique experiences, thus fostering a sense of belonging and validation that is often sought after during such difficult times. It can be incredibly reassuring to connect with others who understand the nuances of one’s situation. Furthermore, therapeutic interventions, as emphasized in the findings noted in (Harris et al., 2020), underscore the importance of addressing psychological responses, which often include feelings of isolation, sadness, and a profound loss of meaning in life. These therapeutic techniques can guide individuals through their emotional turmoil by providing essential coping strategies. Ultimately, recognizing the multifaceted nature of grief, which is thoroughly discussed in (Fauth et al., 2022), allows individuals the opportunity to cultivate resilience, enabling them to navigate their personal journeys toward healing amid the loss and complexity of estrangement.

 

IV. The Intersection of Estrangement and Grief

Losing someone you never really felt close to can tangle up your grief in unexpected ways. It isn’t as if estrangement just disappears when a person dies; lingering emotions often muddle the whole mourning experience. Dan Moller points out that our tendency to bounce back after loss can sometimes blur our true understanding of both ourselves and the departed (Cholbi et al., 2019). In many cases, people who struggled with distant family bonds end up keeping the deceased’s belongings—each item acting as a quiet link back to a lost identity (Price et al., 2019). This practice, though a bit unconventional, offers a fresh, if imperfect, window into grief by challenging common ideas and nudging us toward a more personal, sometimes messy, insight into our feelings after loss.

Many times children are the victims of estranging parties as they are forced to lose family over the issues of others.

 

A. Emotional turmoil stemming from unresolved feelings

The emotional turmoil stemming from unresolved feelings following the death of a loved one can manifest in numerous ways, profoundly impacting individuals’ mental health and relationships. This turmoil often seeps into various aspects of life, leading to a pervasive sense of unease that can hinder everyday functioning. Such emotional distress is frequently exacerbated by estrangement, as individuals grapple with complex feelings of guilt, anger, or regret about their last interactions with the deceased. For instance, research indicates that marriages can experience significant strain following the loss of a child, with couples frequently struggling to navigate their grief while simultaneously dealing with interpersonal conflicts that arise from incongruent grieving styles (Alexander et al., 1996). The challenge of reconciling one’s personal grief with a partner’s different emotional responses can create an isolating atmosphere, where both individuals feel unsupported and misunderstood. This dynamic can prolong emotional suffering, with unresolved feelings compounding the grief process and leading to a chronic state of mourning that can outlast the initial shock of loss (Ziebell et al., 1986). As these individuals remain caught in their unresolved emotions, the potential for healing diminishes significantly, leading to feelings of hopelessness and despair. This highlights the critical need for supportive environments that facilitate open and honest communication about grief and loss. Such support is essential in helping individuals confront their emotions constructively, ultimately aiding in the resolution of complex emotional turmoil and paving the way toward recovery and emotional resilience.

 

B. The impact of estrangement on the grieving process

The experience of estrangement profoundly complicates the grieving process, introducing layers of emotional turmoil that extend beyond the typical manifestations of loss. When an individual faces the death of a loved one with whom they had a strained relationship, the pre-existing feelings of isolation can be exacerbated, leading to a unique kind of grief that is often filled with conflicting emotions. This kind of grief is not purely about the loss of the person but also encompasses the unresolved issues and unfulfilled desires for connection that may have characterized the relationship. Research conducted on trauma and bereavement reveals that individuals who experience estrangement often retain personal items of the deceased, even if they were not in contact during life, as a means of connection to their past and self-identity (Price et al., 2019). This paradox sheds light on the complex interplay between loss and the desire for reconciliation, even posthumously, suggesting that the lingering memories and physical reminders can serve as both comfort and source of pain. Furthermore, findings highlight that feelings of self-protection, stemming from social stigma and isolation due to estrangements, can adversely impact individuals’ psychological growth and significantly complicate their healing (Harris et al., 2020). These individuals may grapple with not only their sorrow but also guilt or regret over what might have been, making the grieving process even more challenging. Thus, estrangement not only influences the nature of grief but also shapes the journey toward recovery, often requiring individuals to navigate through a labyrinth of emotions that can delay their ultimate acceptance and healing.

 

C. Case studies or personal narratives illustrating this intersection

The complex interplay between estrangement and grief is poignantly illustrated through personal narratives that highlight the emotional labor required to reconcile loss with unresolved relationships. These case studies reveal how individuals, despite feeling disconnected from a deceased family member, often find themselves clinging to memories, photographs, and cherished objects that evoke a sense of longing for what once was. An enlightening research project involving twelve participants delved into the significance of domestic artifacts and photographs following familial death, illustrating that even those who had experienced estrangement retained items from their lost loved ones as a means of maintaining a connection to their memories. For example, one participant described how a simple photograph of their estranged father, while it stirred feelings of unresolved conflict, also served as a reminder of the love they once shared, indicating that grief indeed complicates our understanding of relationships. These narratives underscore the notion that grief operates not only as a painful journey but also as a meaningful avenue for self-exploration and identity reformation, with individuals utilizing the grieving process to confront their emotional realities, which can be deeply intertwined with feelings of abandonment, resentment, and love. In this context, Dan Moller’s assertion about emotional resilience and its potential to sever connections becomes particularly relevant; grieving the estranged can evolve into a profound process of self-understanding. This emphasizes the nuanced dimensions of both estrangement and loss, illustrating that the emotional labor involved in reconciling these experiences can lead to personal growth and transformation (Cholbi et al., 2019), (Price et al., 2019).

 

V. Conclusion

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

In conclusion, the interplay between estrangement and grief following the death of a loved one reveals a complex emotional landscape that is often laden with unresolved feelings and questions about identity. The phenomenon of estrangement can significantly complicate the grieving process, as individuals grapple not only with feelings of loss but also with the emotional distance formed prior to death. This estrangement, as extensively highlighted in literature, can exacerbate mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, leading to a profound sense of grief that becomes intertwined with feelings of abandonment, regret, and guilt (Shaffer et al., 2024). While some may argue for the resilience that can follow significant loss, suggesting that emotional healing occurs much faster than one might expect, it is essential to recognize that this perceived resilience can create a troubling disconnection from the deceased. This disconnection can deprive individuals of critical self-insight into their grief journey, often making the process feel more isolating and confusing (Cholbi et al., 2019). Thus, understanding this intricate dynamic is crucial; it serves as a pathway for facilitating a meaningful reconciliation of one’s relationship with the deceased. Such an understanding can ultimately lead to a better appreciation of one’s emotions and the various stages of grief experienced from the moment of loss onward. Moreover, acknowledging the complexities of estrangement and grief can aid individuals in navigating their mourning more effectively, allowing them to foster a deeper self-understanding in the wake of loss. By doing so, they can better honor the memories of their loved ones while also nurturing their own emotional health, paving the way for healing that is both authentic and profound.

While living estrangement presents grief challenges, the death of a loved one who is estranged makes it permanent.  While alive, memories and holidays hurt, as well as emotional support and company that once was, the event of death creates a permanent loss without closure or forgiveness.  The death of an estranged family member can make the reality hurt even more.  Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training to learn more about helping others through grief.

 

A. Summary of key points discussed in the essay

Losing someone dear kicks off a mix of feelings that often go unnoticed, with estrangement and grief weaving together in unexpected ways. Family ties can break—especially when bonds with parents or children fall apart (Shaffer et al., 2024)—and, as a result, the impact on mental health can be heavy and all too real. Some newer ideas even say that it isn’t just the moment of death that leaves a void; isolation creeping in long before that final farewell can widen the emotional gap (Burkitt et al., 2019). Generally speaking, these shifting, sometimes messy relationships play a big role in how people face their sorrow, even if the whole process ends up feeling a bit unpredictable. A closer look at these broken connections hints that more in-depth study might uncover fresh paths for both therapy and personal healing. All in all, examining how estrangement and loss interplay shows us a rich, layered emotional landscape that deserves more attention than we usually give it.

 

B. Reflection on the importance of addressing estrangement in grief

Grief and estrangement often mix in ways that can really stir up trouble. Unresolved ties, especially among family members, tend to complicate the whole process of mourning, making it far from a simple goodbye. Sometimes, when you already have a rift before a loved one passes away, the loss comes with extra baggage—old conflicts and emotional distances that crop up unexpectedly, deepening the pain. I mean, in most cases, this tangled mix can spark serious mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and even chronic stress ((Shaffer et al., 2024)). Often enough, it seems that not only is the absence hard to bear, but the lingering family disputes and unhealed emotions add layers of complexity to grief. That’s why, generally speaking, diving into therapy becomes essential; it gives people a route to handle not just their sorrow, but also those convoluted feelings stemming from estranged relationships that might block real healing and closure ((Mosko et al., 2015)).

 

C. Final thoughts on healing and reconciliation after loss

Losing someone you love, especially when there’s been estrangement, can throw you into a swirling mix of emotions—sometimes messy, sometimes unexpected. People often find themselves wrestling with grief and old, unresolved issues that make the sting of separation even sharper. It’s not unusual for loss to bring up heavy feelings of guilt and regret, feelings that linger because family connections felt incomplete or broken. In many cases, research shows that estrangement might actually work as a kind of shield—protecting us from ongoing hurtful bonds while leaving behind a deep, hard-to-fill emptiness (Agllias K, 2017). The process of healing often means taking a long, sometimes awkward look at these fractured ties, allowing the natural chaos of grief to surface while slowly learning to honor the full story of one’s family history. Ultimately, admitting and working through the emotional fallout of estrangement can help a person find personal peace and even hint at ways to eventually rebuild connections that seem to outlast even death (Blake L, 2017).

Additional Resources

Kaytee, G. (2023). “The Complexity of Grief With Estrangement”. Psychology Today.  Access here

Chapman, F. (2022). “5 Ways That Family Estrangement Can Inflict Lifelong Harm”.  Psychology Today.  Access here

Sabater, V. (2022). “Grief Due to Family Estrangement: The Pain of Broken Ties”. Exploring Your Mind.  Access here

“The Grief of Estrangement” (2023). Hearts of Hope.  Access here

 

Grief Counseling Training Blog on High Functioning Depression

Many individuals deal with depression on a daily basis.  They may not even know they are depressed and push through life.  High functioning depression does not leave one bed ridden but parasitically wears the individual down on a daily basis.  Like most depression, it may not have an acute reason or loss but merely manifests due to family history or past unresolved trauma.  One however continues to function within society and fulfill social obligations.

Many individuals are depressed yet still high functioning. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

The article, “Understanding High-Functioning Depression” by Sean Glover takes a closer look at High Functioning Depression.  He states,

“High-functioning depression, also referred to as dysthymia, can be hard to spot. It doesn’t look like stereotypical depression. Unlike major depressive episodes, which are intense, debilitating, and time-limited, high-functioning depression is low-level, chronic, and doesn’t have a clear trigger. Its very existence can feel maddening.”

To review the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The courses and program are independent study and online and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Grief Counseling Training Video on Sojourning with the Bereaved

Sojourning requires walking with the bereaved and sharing in the journey.  It involves empathy and compassion.  It involves taking an active part in helping the person heal and making it a personal goal and desire for oneself.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Grief Counseling Training Program Article on SAD

Seasonal depression can bring one down and it is more than just the winter blues.   It is important to try to find ways to brighten spirits via light therapies, vitamin D, exercise and other ways to break up the longer dark days.  It is important to try to find some way to find energy and optimism.   Obviously, many of these things can help with winter blues, but if SAD, then it may take more than just a few optimistic thoughts but potentially counseling and medication.

Seasonal Affective Disorder affects many individuals. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

The article, “Fight Seasonal Depression With 4 Helpful Seasonal Affective Disorder Treatments” by Korin Miller looks at ways to combat SAD.  She states,

“While it’s totally normal to not exactly love winter, if you feel like you tend to struggle emotionally and physically this time of year, you may start to wonder if you’re dealing with the mental health condition, seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD can lead to symptoms like feeling depressed most of the day, feeling worthless, having low energy, and losing interest in things you once enjoyed, per the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).”

To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling

 

Grief Counseling Training Video on Holiday Grief

Holiday seasons are always difficult when the face of someone special is no longer present.  While the first couple of years is most intense, it still forever lingers in one’s heart.  It can be difficult to move forward and forge new traditions and it is OK.  One should work slowly through such things because loss is not something one gets over with.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

 

Please review the video below

Grief Counseling Training Blog on Sport’s Grief

Fandom to individuals or sports teams is a big part of American society.  One forms close ties to public figures or actors or for one’s sports team.  Whether football, baseball, basketball or hockey, or professional or college levels, individuals form tight bonds with their teams.   They became entranced by the teams record, status, players, and play close attention to every move and play.  In addition, individuals invest heavily financially in tickets, or sports clothes, pennants, or mugs.  Family gatherings around sporting events become very important and the value of a particular team becomes identical to family tradition, history and local area.  The team represents the person and his or her background.  In many ways, it can become very personal.

Due to this type of bond that involves investment of self, the team is not merely an outside agent but part of the individual.  While the person may not play the game, suffer the loss, or earn the win, the individual does mentally and emotionally share every play and outcome.  This can lead to the pain of loss and grief when the team loses or suffers.  It is a pain that is real because it involves the person’s life itself as well.  The day or week may be greatly affected by a loss.

It is OK to experience sadness when your team loses but it has to be proportionate. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

The degree of the loss and adjustment however determines the healthy response versus the pathological response.  A healthy individual who finds great joy in sports has a greater connection than someone who sees it only as minor entertainment.  The bond to the team hence will create a natural response of grief due to loss.   If a team loses or is re-located, a true pain can set in that is personal.  However, how one adjusts and is able to respond to life itself after the loss determines if the response is normal or pathological.   If one feels low or bummed out, it is quite natural to feel this way for a couple days, but if one enters into a depressed state for weeks and is unable to interact or find interest in life, then the connection and the loss itself is pathological.

Fans can be fanatical.  It is OK to have fun and it is definitely normal for the passionate fan to feel grief and sadness over loss.  However, when that loss becomes so empowering that it prevents the person from enjoying life outside of sports, or prevents them from existing in the world, then one should seek counseling help and re-evaluate the bonds one has with the particular team.

Too many times, one sees violence at sporting events.  This type of deep passion is associated with unhealthy bonds with the team.  It involves associating the team with oneself so deeply, that anyone else becomes the enemy.  Loss hence becomes extremely painful for these individuals and can negatively affect their life.

Sports is fun.  It is good and for those who have deeper bonds to a team due to family history, community or identity, then one should find great pride in that, but one should not allow it to become disproportionate and cause massive depression or violent moods.  One will suffer the grief of loss more than a regular outsider, if one is bonded with a team, and that is OK.  The joy of having such a connection enhances the entertainment and value, but one needs to prevent such attachments from becoming pathological.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Grief Counseling Training Article on Trauma and Depression

Depression can have an acute cause or no general cause at all but merely set in but there are connections with depression and acute trauma.  Trauma or severe loss or experience can negatively affect a person and cause a severe grief reaction resulting in depression.

Severe trauma can cause depression. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

 

The article, “Trauma and Depression: What to Know” by Stephanie Wright takes a closer look at trauma and depression.  She states,

“Depression can be both a direct and indirect consequence of trauma. However, not all depression is caused by trauma — other factors that cause depression include genetics, environment, and other medical conditions. Facing trauma and depression at once can be overwhelming. However, many people live happy and fulfilled lives with treatment and the support of others.”

To review the entire article, please click here

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Grief Counseling Training Video on Helping the Bereaved

Grief Counseling can help many individuals through the bereavement process.  It becomes difficult for many to sometimes progress through grief.  Some experience prolonged grief, others experience depression.  For the most part, many merely experience normal and natural grief and adaptation.  Grief Counselors can help others through it

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling

Grief Counseling Training Article on Grief and Identity

With grief comes change.  Change is one of the elements of grief that makes it so uncomfortable.  The change of no longer having a wife or husband, or the change of no longer having your mother or father.   It can be also be a change that does not involve death. The change can involve no longer dating someone, or switching jobs.   With all change comes adaptation, challenge, emotional re-balancing, and time.   Grief is the result of change and attachment to what was changed.   Hence, change is a constant.

Ancient philosophers also had a difficult time understanding change.  They pondered if everything is in a state of change and flux, is there any permanence in anything.  Is someone the same or constantly someone new.  Obviously, change does not alter the substance or permanence of an individual.  Accidental qualities change within a person or a thing, but the person remains the same person, but it is obvious change alters.   It is the person’s ability to cope with change and understand the nature of change in life to better equip a healthy attitude conducive to success in an ever changing reality.

Loss and change are the ingredients of grief itself. How one copes with grief and the change that comes with it is essential and part of life itself. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program

 

One thing that is greatly effected by change is identity.  Identity is who a person is and how one perceives oneself.  When role is altered due to loss, identity can sometimes become confused and muffled in the chaos.  Individuals may start to lose themselves in the chaos of loss if they are not able to better anchor themselves.  It is critical during loss and hence change for one to be able to retain identity but this is harder than it may seem and many struggle during loss to retain their sense of self.

Loss of identity can be common for many individuals who define themselves with their vocation, career, or relations with others.  Mothers who lose a child, may no longer feel they are a mother.  The cruel loss of losing a child can make a woman feel like she is no longer a mother.  This strip of identity of motherhood can be a horrifying loss for the person.  Many women who lose a child, may make statements such as “I am not longer a mother” or “I used to be a mother, but no longer am”.   It is important to help these women understand that their identity as a mother is permanent regardless of loss.  They will forever be mothers and nothing can ever alter that.  Unfortunately the loss can be so devastating as to attempt to even strip these grieving individuals even of such titles.   One can apply this standard of title to anything.  It can be applied to a grieving father, brother, uncle, or even a position.

This can also be applied to individuals who lose certain abilities.  A runner who loses a leg, or a person who loses his or her sight.  Or even the loss of youth as individuals come to grips with a mid life crisis.  What one once was or what one could once do, poses serious changes to individuals.  Individuals may feel they are no longer who they were and may not recognize themselves.  The reality is change occurs within any organism and change, both good and bad will occur.  These changes cannot define the individual at the core but they can affect secondary attributes.  How one is able to cope with the changes is key to life.  Unfortunately sometimes, others face changes that are far more difficult and require far more effort and time.

Identity can also be effected in other ways.  Change, whether bad or for the good is always difficult.  The change alters one’s perception of oneself and in some cases how others view the grieving.  An individual who changes will face a period of adaptation regardless.  If one ceases an individual bad habit, then that change will create new struggles as well as new paradigms.  Removing oneself from a party scene for example, may pose a challenge in and of itself but also create new difficulties with older friends.  Others may no longer wish to associate since the same shared activity is no longer part of one’s life.  Hence loss of friends and new challenges of finding new friends can make one question identity.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

 

Ultimately, one can fall into a fear of not knowing thyself.  Who am I?  Who am I not?  Grief and bigger changes can cause an existential crisis in some that requires counseling and help to truly find oneself again.   Grief and change are powerful things and can erode one’s very foundation if one does not cope.  One can lose a sense of self and become isolated and question one’s own very reality.  It is natural to have fears of change, to struggle with these changes, and come out different.  However, just because one is different after change, does not mean one is another person.  One may have different outlooks and different perspectives, but it does not mean, one’s identity or true self is lost.   YOU are still YOU.  Just like physically YOU were different when younger, YOU can be different emotionally and mentally due to change of loss.  It is important to hold on to the anchor of self despite the storm of change around oneself.   Life is about change, but it is about how YOU change with it, not your very identity itself.

In all stories of our life, it is important to not allow the bad chapters in our life to become isolated from the story of YOU.  While the story changes, the book title is still YOU.  How one incorporates the past chapters with the present in writing the future chapters is key.  Change is part of life and without it there is no existence.  It is important to be open to change, even difficult change throughout life if one wishes to live.  Some change may be very terrible, some minor, and others pleasant, but whatever the change, it will affect oneself.  How one connects the changes in life to the overall theme of one’s story is key.

If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling Training, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling

 

Resources

“Whats Your Grief” article on “Change, Identity Loss and Grief by Eleanor Haley.  Please click here