For many parents, it is a difficult cross to not be able to share their own parents with their children. The loss of experiencing one’s child with one’s own parents is something many face. Wondering how to share the life of a deceased parent to one’s own children is something very important.
The article, “One Day I’ll Tell My Children About My Mother’s Death. Until Then, I’ll Show Them How She Lived” by MARISA BARDACH RAMEL discusses how she will teach her children how her own mother lived and in this way continue the memory. She states,
“My daughter won’t know her Grandma Sally, not in the way she knows her other grandparents—her Nana and Grammy and my stepmother Tippy. But my mom will not be absent from her life, either.”
Great article on progressing through the fog of grief. Grief is not an easy passage but many times if full doubt and fear. We can become loss and numb in our emotions.
The article, “How to Get Through the Fog of Grief” by Kerri Fivecoat-Campbell states,
When my 57-year-old husband, Dale, suddenly died of a massive heart attack on Nov. 20, 2018, two days before Thanksgiving, to say I was in shock was an understatement. More than a month later, I realized just how much my mental capacity was affected by this life-changing trauma
Grief, especially traumatic grief due to shooting events, can leave families in a deep valley of despair. Such tragic events can alter lives forever and scar the future. Senseless and traumatic it is hard for families to understand why
The article, “Time doesn’t erase grief, strong emotions connected to the victims of mass shootings: by Brian Hutchel states,
“It was April 1999 when the mass shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado shocked a nation. Video of students desperately sprinting from the school to safety under the watch of armed police flooded televisions across the nation.”
A mass shooting event affects not just the community but the entire nation. It shakes the very core of every person. It implants fear and grief for everyone.
In this type of horrific and traumatic loss, one does not just experience tragic loss of life, but also a collective loss. So apart from the long term pain and grief of the parents and school administration, the nation as a whole experiences a national grief.
In addition to this national grief and fear, survivors of the account face their own inner demons. Survivor guilt can overcome many teens. They can question why they survived or question in what ways they acted.
The waves of grief and loss that rock a nation with mass shootings are too many to detail.
The loss of life, the loss of safety, the loss of peace and the continuing scars of survivors and families all cry for better laws to help protect America from these tragedies. What these laws entail, the law makers will determine but in the meantime, the types of grief that rock the country will continue.
Survivors will experience survivor guilt. In some cases, this can become so severe, that students, or survivors will commit suicide. Survivor guilt exists in soldiers from war but exists in any type of traumatic experience. In these cases, individuals will feel guilt over not dying and question everything they did that die. Post traumatic stress disorder can also manifest in the individuals who are attempting to move on in life past the incident.
Those not involved in the shooting, but from a more distance will experience a collective national grief. The nation will mourn the loss but also mourn the injustice. This leads to political activism as well as new laws. The nation however remains scarred psychologically with the indepth fear that a mass shooting can happen at anytime. Whether Americans are going to the movies, or dropping their child off to school, or attending worship, there remains a fear in the back of their minds.
This is a collective type of grief that a nation inherits from such tragedies. These events shake the individuals involved but also shake the very soul of the collective nation. Grief and loss is shared by many at different levels of loss. Some of these losses are more personal and intense while others experience this grief in a more abstract way.
If you would like to learn more about loss and grief then please review the American Academy of Grief Counseling and its Grief Counseling Certification.
Grief is about loss. The primary loss is not the end story of grief. Grief has many secondary losses associated with the primary loss.
The article, “Four Types of Grief Nobody Told You About” by Sarah Epstein states,
“The word grief has come to be understood solely as a reaction to a death. But that narrow understanding fails to encompass the range of human experiences that create and trigger grief. Here are four types of grief that we experience that have nothing to do with death:”
The loss of a child and stillborn birth is a very traumatic type of loss for parents. This type of loss robs the parents of anything before life is able to experienced outside the womb. Cases vary if the child dies before or during birth, but the blunt reality of losing one’s child on its birthday is a cold reality that few ever recover from.
The article, “Parents Mourning Stillbirth Follow Familiar Patterns on YouTube” by Christine Ro looks at some of the familiar patterns by parents from youtube. The article states,
“For 24 agonizing hours, Monica Franco-Pineda prepared to deliver a stillborn baby. She and her husband, Walter, had learned on Oct. 14, 2010, four days past her due date, that their son, Gabriel, no longer had a heartbeat. “I had a lot of time to digest what was going to happen,” she remembers.”
Divorce is a difficult transition. The loss of relationship, life style, and family can be very difficult. There are many secondary losses beyond the divorce that can affect one’s grieving process as well.
The article, “6 Ways To Deal With Grief After Divorce — So You Can Heal & Move On” by Karen Finn states,
“Life after divorce involves a lot of agony in its wake and grief is an inescapable part of it. But the work to getting over it ending and dealing with grief after a bitter divorce can create another level of agony altogether.”
Please also review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it matches your academic and professional needs. In the meantime, be aware of the many facets of grief and loss that is wrapped up in divorce itself.
Losing a child is the ultimate loss. The loss can be worst if that child is murdered. All of these circumstances create the perfect storm for the worst type of grief a person can experience.
The article, “‘This doesn’t go away’: When your child is murdered, grief is only the beginning” by Ashley Luthern states,
“The outside world did not seem to care much about her son, either. Anthony’s death, the 85th homicide of the year, warranted a few clips on TV broadcasts and three paragraphs in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Certain manners of death — like a homicide or drug overdose — carry a social stigma that can be isolating and possibly lead to something called “disenfranchised grief,” said Handel, the psychotherapist.”
When death happens in a business setting it can upset the entire organization. The surviving colleague needs to take up the slack and help the organization forward. How to deal with this type of loss though can have many effects on the team. Many secondary losses can also be experienced as a whole to the company.
The article, “When a Colleague Dies, CEOs Change How They Lead” by Guoli Chen states,
“If the person doing the thinking is among the upper echelons of an organization, the recognition that their time on earth is all too finite can have a widespread impact across their company.”