Grief is a process. It takes time to adapt and adjust to loss. Refusing to do grief work can lead to later complicated grief.
This is not to say that one overcomes the sense of loss, but it does teach us that we can adjust and live life if we properly work through grief.
The article, “Live Well: Are you willing to dance with your painful partner named Grief?” by Jennifer Mulson states,
“This is about the time people often check out and begin to numb themselves through any manner of methods — food, alcohol, drugs — or preoccupy themselves so they don’t have to feel anything. But really, this is the moment to step into the emotions and feel them fully, even though it might feel as if you’ll be swept under a current of pain and never resurface.”
Good article on how we can better help the grief stricken. Certified Bereavement and Grief Counselors play a pivotal role in this. Stemming from a variety of disciplines, from pastoral to funeral, or behavioral to nursing, those who help others through grief, play a pivotal role in helping millions adapt and overcome loss. Certified Grief Counselors are specialized in this area of training and can help those who need the most professional guidance through the maze of grief.
The article, “Bereavement Researcher: We Must Do Better for the Grief-Stricken” by Kevyn Burger looks at how professionals and society as a whole can better help those sticken by grief. The article states,
Today, mourning a death has few rules, traditions or identifiers. But research indicates that a significant loss is deadly serious, putting the grieving at higher risk for serious health problems, and even their own premature death.
It is amazing how wen one experiences grief, how real and different it is from simply reading about grief. One then is cast into the hell of reality that is about loss. Where emotions come and go and sadness remains a constant.
The article, “What I Didn’t Understand About The Stages Of Grief — Until I Was In Them” by Caila Smith states,
My daughter died from SIDS when I was 22 years old. My life was just beginning, the best was supposedly yet to come, and I was hit with a head-on collision of life-shattering grief. Other than my grandma’s passing ten years prior, I’d never felt grief. So I definitely never thought about the stages that are known to go along with it.
After losing a child, many come to your side and listen. Many feel horrible about your loss and look to comfort you as well. However, soon as time goes by, even years, the need to discuss the loss becomes less and less. For those who never experience this, it appears over, but for those who have children or who have loss a child, realizes that such losses never go away. One may learn to adjust but the pain never ceases. In this way, it is another pain suffered by parents when the life of a child loss is years later no longer a topic.
Others are fearful to discuss the loss of a child at any time. They fear the topic is too taboo or do not know how to bring up such a tragedy. In many cases, this makes it worse for the bereaved parents as well, who need the outlet to discuss the loss itself.
The article, ‘When people don’t want to talk about your child, it feels very lonely’ by Chloe Booker addresses this sadness. She states,
“The number one thing you can do to help someone in this scenario is to just talk about their child. It’s no different to a child on earth, to a child no longer here with us, you still want to talk about them.”
Good article on simply taking the time to write condolence letter for one in grief. It does not have to be deep but simply an acknowledgement of the loss. While somethings can be said that should not be, it is best to at least say something brief for the bereaved. This article looks at the importance of even a simple statement
The article, The Gift of Shared Grief”: It’s hard to know what to say to people in mourning. Say something anyway.” by Margarat Renkl states,
When my mother died in 2012, she left behind a huge collection of memorabilia. Not just the usual love letters, family photographs and cherished recipe cards but also random items that almost no one else bothers to save. Parking tickets. Embossed cocktail napkins from the weddings of people I’ve never heard of.”
In grief and loss, we speak about tangible losses, losses, we can summarize, quantify, and then adjust and adapt to that loss. Whether it is the loss of a family member, or a relationship, or a precious thing, one can accept the fact that it gone and proceed with the healing processes of grief. The process of grief and adjusting to loss, however, is disrupting when unresolved grief occurs.
What exactly is unresolved grief? Unresolved grief is a type of complication in the grieving process that prevents a natural and healthy conclusion to the loss. It prevents the person from accepting the loss, or moving forward in a healthy fashion. It leaves the person in a type of perpetual mental limbo.
This type of reaction can be internally or externally caused. If one has issues with the deceased that were never resolved, then an emotional soup of various feelings can emerge with no particular direction towards resolution. This can occur, especially with such cases as suicide, as well as with sudden death of a loved one. In some cases, there are unresolved emotional issues between the person and deceased that were never resolved while both were alive. This can lead to unresolved feelings later.
Apart from internal causes, external causes can put one in a state of unresolved grief. When a loved one is abducted or missing, then this can lead to a perpetual state of unresolved feelings. This is perhaps one of the greatest pains a parent can feel because they are in perpetual fear and anxiety of what has happened to their child. If the case never comes to a conclusion, the parents are never mentally allowed to find acceptance in the fact their child is probably dead. Without a proper funeral, justice, or verification, the parents and family can be scarred traumatically.
So many individuals suffer grave injustices in the world. From fugitives who escape justice to mass genocide, individuals who survive these crimes, face not only personal recovery, but also a resolution in regards to justice and the conclusion found in that justice. When justice is not handed out, the unresolved grief festers within the soul and demands justice to finally give them and the victims peace. This was especially true of the Holocaust survivors who faced not only their recovery from the person trauma, but also the demand of social justice against the criminals who perpetrated the crimes.
Through trials and justice, many find the conclusion they need to finally heal completely from the loss. Seeing a murderer or rapist brought to trial, gives the victim and families the closure they need to be able to rebuild their life. Without that closure, the unresolved issues of their grief will continue to haunt them.
Unresolved grief itself can cause anxiety, depression, lead to eruptions of anger and frustration, leaving the person in a state of emotional limbo. It is because of this, that clients need help in understanding what they can control and what they cannot. It takes more than merely a certified grief counselor but also a licensed mental counselor with grief training to help an individual through unresolved grief.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling or would like to become a certified Grief Counselor, then please review our program and see if it matches your academic and professional needs.
Noone can comprehend the pain and suffering a parent suffers when they lose a child. This is perhaps the most painful cross on earth. Naturally it carries many complications for a parent who unnaturally buries a child.
The article, What the Death of a Child Does to Parents, Psychologically and Biologically, by Joshue Krisch reviews the psychological, as well as biological tool on parents. He states,
“The death of a child may be considered the worst trauma that any human can experience. Though it’s not a terribly common experience in the United States—about 10,000 children between the ages of 1 and 14 died in 2016—the horrific potential for childhood mortality looms large.”
Child abductions are a great grief for all parents and family. It goes well beyond losing but the ambiguity of that loss. The numerous “what ifs” associated with the missing child. Is my child alive, dead or suffering are horrible scenarios to imagine. This type of loss can also lead to unresolved grief if the child is never found.
The article, “Child abductions: Parents share pains, emotional trauma” by Taiwo Adeniyi & Clement Oloyede states,
“Mariam Usman receives all calls to her phone with the hope that the caller brings news about her missing child. When the screen of her phone got faulty, her apprehension was heightened as she could not tell who the caller was until the conversation started. Daily, she hopes that someone would call and tell her the whereabouts of her son. She wakes up daily with prayers and hope, but as days turn into months, her hope wanes.”
While this article deals with abductions in Africa, the feeling all parents feel is universal in nature. The loss of a child without any closure can be a complicated issue with long term pathological results. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program.
People cope and face grief differently. Some look to hobbies, other looks to social life, while some may be introvert. In this story, a woman turns to reading to help her go through the process of grief.
The article, “How Reading Helped This Woman Process Her Grief” by Bethanne Patrick states,
“In All the Lives We Ever Lived: Seeking Solace in Virginia Woolf, Smyth turns to an unlikely source of solace after her father’s death: her favorite book, Woolf’s 1927 masterpiece To the Lighthouse. Blending analysis of a deeply literary novel with a personal story is a high-wire act for many reasons, not least being how few readers will have read Woolf themselves.”
Like music, when someone can relate to a story, one is more apt to use it as motivation or find solace in it. This was the case in the story above of how a woman found herself in the story. This can definitely help some cope. Please also review our Bereavement Counseling Program
Good article on the story of a single father who faced the mental issues of his spouse and taught his children how to grieve. This story reveals how one must grieve but also fulfill other duties to children especially. It points to the love of a parent to care for one’s children despite all pain.
The article, “My dad’s lesson in parenting through grief, served with a side of eggs” byMarjorie Clark Brimley relates how her father continued to parent despite grief, teaching the children the importance of proper coping. The article states,
“When I was growing up, my mother’s mental illness meant that she did not wake up early. It also meant that she never made me breakfast, even though she was the parent who stayed home. Fortunately, early on my father had mastered the art of a scrambled egg, buttered toast and limited conversation. That was enough to bring my teenage self to the table each day.”