This video discusses the nature of the subconscious mind and the keys to successfully helping individuals find change in their daily lives. Please also review AIHCP’s Clinical Hypnotherapy Program
Author: Mark Moran
Behavioral Health and Psychotherapy
Mental health is usually the most neglected part of one’s overall being. Even in the United States where so many eat unhealthy, ignore annual testing, and critical bloodwork and basic health, mental health even lags farther behind in concern. However, when physical symptoms of malady occur, quick and urgent solutions are sought through a physician. If one becomes acutely ill, one is encouraged to visit the doctor and find remedy, but when one manifests emotional or mental symptoms, far too many times, the symptoms are masked, ignored, or dismissed as “crazy” or as if only in one’s mind. While individuals are not labeled or stigmatized for high cholesterol or diabetes, individuals with anxiety, or depression are many times made to feel less or insane or mentally weak.
Mental health is health and it is important. Mental health is not something that just exists in one’s mind but it tied to not merely social and behavioral issues but also tied to physiological and biological factors that at times require medication like any outward condition. What exists in the mind is real and it is connected to physical health as well and if not treated can lead to other physical as well as social issues. Psychotherapy serves as a crucial way to help individuals understand themselves, their conditions and to validate their emotions. It grants to them a therapeutic relationship to find healing, as well as to find ways to cope and create better and safer ways of thinking and behaving. This short blog will look at what psychotherapy is, its efficacy, and some schools of psychotherapy and their techniques in helping individuals find healing.
Please also review AIHCP’s Healthcare Certifications, as well as its Behavioral Healthcare Certifications which include grief counseling, crisis counseling, trauma informed care, stress management, anger management, meditation instructor, Christian and spiritual counseling and many more!
What is Psychotherapy?
Psychotherapy is considered a type of talk therapy to face individuals in psychological distress (Wampold, 2019). It is considered to be an acceptable as well as beneficial healing practice with roughly 10 million Americans involved in some type of psychotherapy a year (Wampold, 2019). The effectiveness of psychotherapy includes treatments for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, obsessive compulsion disorders, eating disorders, trauma, sexual and marital issues. Despite the effectiveness, the stigma and dismissal of mental health leaves up to 40 percent of the people who would be considered by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or the DSM-5 as not receiving the mental help they require and need (Wampold, 2019).
Care for mental health is not something new that merely emerged onto the world stage upon the advent of modern science but has existed throughout the centuries through more humanistic and pastoral venues. These modalities utilized empathy, caring and meaning making within religious contexts to help people find peace and security in times of depression and anxiety (Wampold, 2019). However, at the turn of the 19th Century, the scientific method gained prominence in all fields of human inquiry and this eventually also effected the way individuals analyzed and studied mental health. In the later part of the 19th Century and early 20th Century, Sigmund Freud would emerge as a leader in psychoanalytic theory which would primarily utilize talk therapy as a way to understand mental pathology through the lens of the conscious and unconscious mind.
Following Freud, in the Mid 20th Century, the school of Behaviorism would become a dominant force through pioneers such as Joseph Wolpe and later Cognitive Behavioral Theory through the thoughts and genius of Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis. Later, more patient and modern concepts of Person Centered Therapies emerged through the concepts of Karl Rogers which emphasized the therapeutic relationship. In the post modern era, there are numerous different schools as well that not only have different approaches but also consider various cultural and gender based aspects of mental health and care.
Schools of Psychotherapy
According to Tan, there are numerous schools of thoughts in psychotherapy with some being completely original, while others are offshoots and subdivisions of others. More differing schools of thought can at times be at odds at core values and retain heated rivalries of thought, while other schools share similar core concepts and integrate previous concepts to evolving changes in modern treatment. There to this day exist pure schools of one discipline that a licensed professional can train within, as well as therapists who treat within that particular and only therapy, but many therapists and licensed counselors or social workers usually adhere to a blend of different methodologies borrowed from different schools to meet the needs of a client. Among the numerous schools exist Psychoanalytic Therapy, Adlerian Therapy, Jungian Therapy, Existential Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Reality Therapy, Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness and Acceptance-Based Therapy, Constructivist Therapy, Integrative Therapy, Positive Psychology and Marital and Family Therapy (Tan, 2022).
We will examine only a few below to give a some understanding of the different modalities
Psychoanalytic Therapy
Psychoanalytic theory as proposed by Freud looks into the subconscious of a person to understand hysteria or pathology. Freud understood the human mind to consist of the Id, Ego and Superego. The Id represented humanity’s most basic instincts and drives. The ego represented humanity’s personal desires and sense of self. The Superego was the person’s superimposed cultural and religious ideals of right or wrong and morality. When these were in conflict, anxiety resulted. In addition, based upon one’s past progression throughout various sexual stages of life, one could become stunted or face pathology due to lack of development. These issues could be found within the forgotten subconscious manifesting later in life as pathology. Freud incorporated a variety of talk therapies to confront defense mechanisms that hid the problems of the mind, as well as dream analysis to help the person uncover the trauma or repressed event of the past. Freud’s strict adherence to his theories led to divisions with Alfred Adler as well as Carl Jung (Wampold, 2019).
Behavior Therapy
Behavior Therapy is the most empirical and studied based of the therapies. It stems from empirical observation and positivism of the early 20th Century and looked to understand mental health and behavior as something that stemmed from one’s environment. Behavior Therapy finds its core and foundational base in both classical and operant conditioning. Classical conditioning is based off Pavlov’s experiments with dogs and how they responded to various stimuli. Pavlov discovered that an unconditional response to a natural stimuli such as salivating to the presence of food, could become conditioned via a conditioned stimuli associated with the unconditioned one to create the same salivation or now conditioned response. For instance, the ringing of a bell associated with dinner time, over time could still elicit salivation when food was gradually removed from the sound. This proved that one could be conditioned or counter-conditioned to respond and behave to certain introduced stimuli and possible reverse negative behaviors. In addition to classical conditioning, Behavior Therapy also emphasizes the importance of operant conditioning which is based off basic child rearing of reward and punishment of certain behaviors. Parents can reward certain acts for good behavior through positive reinforcement, or remove negative stimuli from the event via negative reinforcement to increase or maintain a certain behavior If the parent is not looking to increase or maintain a behavior through positive or negative reinforcement, the parent can look to remove or decrease a certain behavior via punishment (Tan, 2022). These types of extinction approaches are how behavior can be modified through external stimuli via operant conditioning. Behavior Therapists utilize a variety of methods to help change behavior through modeling, token economies, systematic desensitization, and relaxation strategies (Tan, 2022).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive Behavior Therapy can be divided into Cognitive Therapy (CB) of Beck and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) of Ellis. There are multiple others based as well found within the CBT family tree including Stress Inoculation Training (SIT) as well as later developed mindful schools that include Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), as well as Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) (Tan, 2022).
The primary branching of CBT from Behavior Therapy was the less deterministic view of conditioning and basing more human behavior on the response to mental representation of stimuli and hence the importance of understand pathology under the lens of a person’s cognition, attitude and perception of what is occurring (Wampold, 2019). Beck believed that cognitive distortions were a key issue with many mental issues. He introduced the idea of cognitive restructuring and helping the client restructure through coping strategies and problem solving therapies (Tan, 2022). So CBT looks beyond the mere limitation of maladaptive habits being formed due to external conditioning, but more attributes them to maladaptive or irrational thinking that leads to maladaptive feelings and behaviors (Tan, 2022). Beck listed a variety of cognitive distortions such as arbitrary inferences, selective abstractions, overgeneralizations, magnifying and minimizing, personalizing, and dichotomous thinking that lead to maladaptive behaviors (Tan, 2022). Ellis added that mental constructs such as “must”, “should” or “got to” can also lead to human unhappiness, emotional problems or neurosis (Tan, 2022).
Beck introduced techniques and interventions that challenged the person to question and overthrow maladaptive thinking and cognitive processes. He endorsred such talk therapies that included analyzing one’s own words that one uses to better understand one’s thinking (Idiosyncratic Meaning, as well as questioning the evidence of claims, reattribution or reevaluating other ways to interpret events, as well as as a host of other concepts such as decatastrophizing, fantasized consequences, labeling and scaling (Tan, 2022). Ellis also added such techniques and therapies as direct disputation or challenging of a belief, as well as his ABC model which included homework for the client to directly monitor and journal certain thoughts. Ellis also utilized humor, as well as role playing as effective methods to counter certain cognitive maladaptive thoughts (Tan, 2022).
Person Centered Therapy and Existentialist Therapies
Karl Rogers was instrumental following the behavioral theory waves with incorporating a more person centered type therapy that focused more strongly than ever before on the counselor/client relationship. Many of his counseling techniques and strategies are core elements of modern counseling. Rogers emphasized empathy, genuineness and unconditional positive regard for the client. Unlike past therapies, the counselor became a guide that helped the client uncover what is best for themselves. This now type of therapy unfolded into a person discovering their own ability of self healing through a tender guide and counselor.
Rogers hoped to allow the person to actualize their potential through a empathetic relationship. In valuing the experience itself, the counselor looks to help the client find personal growth through the person’s own actualization by discovering one’s true self and self worth. Person Centered Therapy looks to not solve the problem but help the person find the ability to heal and grow through congruence, empathy, unconditional positive regard and genuineness (Tan, 2022).
Existential therapies find their origin in existentialist philosophy. Individuals need to find meaning in their lives to find purpose and understanding of their human condition. One needs to embrace their inherent freedom to find meaning in their particular life. Meaning and labeling can lead individuals from dark places, but when this meaning is lacking, then it becomes difficult to move forward. Victor Frankl, a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps, wrote extensively on meaning making and Logotherapy as ways to find meaning and to control one’s life. (Tan, 2022). Within the core of all existentialist philosophy is understanding the nature of anxiety as a natural part of life, taking control of one’s life, accepting the realities of life and death, and moving forward with a sense of meaning to one’s own life and journey (Tan, 2022).
What Therapy is Best
Despite the numerous therapies listed, or discussed, no one therapy has a true monopoly over another. Each have their own strengths and weaknesses and some even share in various common threads that tie them together. For instance, if one looks at views on human nature alone, psychoanalytical portrays a pessimistic outlook, behavioral portrays a neutral one, while humanistic paints an optimistic view. In regards to development, psychoanalytic sees human development as a series of psychosocial sexual stages tied to attachment theories, while behavioral views development from a learning and experiential standpoint. From a health standpoint, psychoanalytic views health as balance with ego, id, and superego, as well as security and healthy attachments, while behavioral schools view mental health as healthy adaptations, cognitions and absence of dysfunction. Humanistic schools would see health as congruence, awareness and acceptance of self. In regards to goals and outcomes, psychoanalytic would hope for a personality change due to a resolution between the subconscious mind and one’s current state. Behavioral schools would consider distress reduction and adaptive functioning as a final goal, while humanistic schools would for authenticity of self, self actualization and a meaningful existence as key (Wampold, 2019).
All of these outcomes seem healthy and each are achieved through different perceived roles of the therapist. One as direct and distant observer in psychoanalytic, one as a guide in behavioral, and one as a facilitator in person centered (Wampold, 2019). Ultimately the most important characteristic in any therapy is how well the therapist adheres to it and how well the client responds to it. In fact, the counselor/client relationship remains one of the most important elements in psychotherapy (Wampold, 2019). This is ironic, since of the major three, Person Centered Therapy values this relationship the most within the therapeutic relationship as emphasized by Rogers. Ultimately, the client makes it work (Wampold, 2019).
Regardless, even if Behavioral Therapy and CBT have the most empirical studies, no one therapy proves to stand out above another. It ultimately depends on the needs of the client and how their own individual needs respond to it. In this way, psychotherapy is more diverse and subjective than traditional physical medicine. Most counselors do not adhere to merely one theory but hold to a hybrid approach which finds a totality of truth in all of them together. They hence can cherry pick various techniques for certain clients and integrate as needed for the client (Wampold, 2019).
Psychotherapy, nonetheless, as a branch within itself, remains effective for mental health.
Conclusion
Psychotherapy is critical to mental health. Many face stigma over mental health and unfortunately, many disregard it as not as crucial or important as physical health. The reality is mental health is health and needs to be addressed through the variety of psychotherapies available. Many of the schools are very diverse in thought, while others share common attributes, but despite their differences, studies show all to be equally effective. Ultimately it comes down to the client and the abilities of the therapist. In fact, many therapists share and integrate from different schools of thought to find the best outcome of the patient.
Please also review AIHCP’s numerous healthcare certifications and see if they meet your academic and professional goals. Please bear in mind, AIHCP’s certifications are not modalities of practice in themselves. AIHCP does not certify a licensed counselor in a particular modality but in certain types of counseling that are not regulated at the state level, such as grief counseling, or crisis counseling. Pathology and treatments discussed are reserved for licensed clinical counselors, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists alone. AIHCP behavioral health certifications are available to both clinical and non-clinical professionals and to be utilized within the scope of their professional and legal practice.
References
Tan, S-Y. (2022). Counseling and psychology: A Christian perspective (2nd Edition). Baker Academic.
Wampold, B. (2019). The basics of psychotherapy: An introduction to theory and practice. APA.
Other AIHCP Blogs
CBT. Access here
Behavioral Therapies. Access here
Rogerian Therapy and Depression. Access here
Freud and Defense Systems. Access here
Additional Resources
Guy Evans. (2025). Psychotherapy: Definition, Types, Techniques, & Efficacy. Simply Psychology. Access here
Psychotherapy (2022). Cleveland Clinic. Access here
Psychotherapy. Mayo Clinic. Access here
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is one a tested and effected therapy for many basic mental issues that people face. It is utilized by numerous counselors for numerous cases of depression, anxiety, and other impulse issue related disorders. This blog continues from the behavioral therapy blog from AIHCP and focuses more on the cognitive element and second wave of behavioral therapy. Please also review AIHCP’s numerous behavioral healthcare certifications in grief counseling, stress management, anger management and crisis intervention.
What is CBT?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is part of the second wave of behavioral therapy. It retains many of the core behavioral therapy characteristics that recognizes who we are due to behavioral formation but emphasizes the importance of cognitive aspects that reflect feelings and subsequent behaviors. According to Tan, CBT remains faithful to behavioral therapies various modifications but incorporates the cognitive processes associated with it (2022). The primary founds of cognitive behavioral approaches are Aaron Beck of CT, Albert Ellis of CBT and Donald Meichenbaum of stress inoculation trainding (SIT) (Tan, 2022).
According to Ellis, the root of most emotional problems stems from irrational beliefs and thinking. The purpose of cognitive behavior therapy is to alter irrational beliefs to alter negative feelings and that produce negative outcomes and behaviors. CBT has three primary phases of help for a client. The first involves cognitive restructuring or changing maladaptive or dysfunctional thinking, secondly equipping the client with coping skills to handle stressful situations and finally help the client acquire problem solving skills to explore options and solutions to issues (Tan, 2022).
Unlike radical behavioral therapies that bind the person to their environment which produces behavior, CBT does not deny the free will of the person’s behavioral development but ties it more closely to the influence of thought on the mind (Tan, 2022). Some of the key basic theoretical principles of CBT include a neutral human nature that is neither good or bad, much like BT, but also emphasizes that the human organism primarily responds to cognitive representations of one’s environment than to the environment itself. In addition, CBT views the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of a person to be all causally interrelated and connected. Due to this, attitudes, expectations and attributes and other cognitive activities are essential clues to understanding ones psychopathological behavior. CBT therapies envelop testing and empirical verification to better assist the client in reliable strategies and healing modalities to overcome these pathologies. Through this healing process, CBT recognizes the behavioral therapist as a educator and diagnostician who identifies the pathology within the client and helps the client design new experiences and thoughts to remove the dysfunctional cognition and abnormal behavioral reactions (Tan, 2022).
Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive distortions or how people think play a key role in how one feels and reacting poorly to life situations. Many automatic thoughts in childhood create basic assumptions about life which lead to maladaptive schemas that lead to bad behaviors (Tan, 2022). Beck believed that many of these cognitive distortions created these issues. Beck listed 6 types of cognitive distortions.
- Arbitrary Inference-making a conclusion without significant evidence
- Selective Abstraction-a conclusion based on details taken out of context while ignoring other relevant information
- Overgeneralization- applying a general rule to all situations not necessarily related
- Magnification or Minimization-perceiving an event as greater or less than it really is
- Personalization-relating a causal event as correlated to oneself when the event is not related to oneself
- Dichotomous thinking- viewing things in one or two extremes as complete success or complete failure
Tan lists various examples tied to these cognitive distortions. When making a conclusion without evidence can be likened to a mother believing she is a horrible mother because dinner was not on time due to working a long job. An example of selective abstraction would be a person who becomes jealous of a girl friend speaking to a man, but not knowing the man she is speaking to is her cousin. Overgeneralizing can be likened to a man who is turned down by a woman and then believing that all women will turn him down. In regards to magnifying or minimizing, a person who may believe if he or she fails this exam, the world will end and one’s life will be over. Personalization examples include someone who feels slighted by another and not concluding that the other person may have not meant anything by it or not even noticed it. Dichotomous thinking can be compared to someone thinking if they fail to get the position or job, then one is a complete and total failure as a person (Tan, 2022).
Ellis also added critical elements to understanding cognitive distortions. General irrational beliefs about life itself can lead to irrational reactions. Among the irrational beliefs that Ellis listed were (Tan, 2022)
- The necessity of close to universal acceptance or love
- The erroneous correlation of worth tied to competence and adequacy
- Wicked people should always be punished
- It is a terrible reality if things are not as a person wants them to be
- A person cannot control one’s own happiness but is subject to the circumstances of life
- Dangerous and fearsome things must constantly be thought about and avoided
- Avoidance of uneasy difficulties as a life plan instead of facing them
- A person should be dependent upon others
- The past makes one who one is and there is no escaping that past
- Other people’s problems should be a burden upon oneself
- The correct solution to each problem must be discovered to avoid chao
In addition, Ellis hoped to remove the controlling thoughts that include the words “must”, “should”, or “have to” (Tan, 2022). CBT, or also rational emotion behavioral therapy (REBT) goes farther than CB of Beck and more strongly challenges the beliefs of the client, as well as differentiating between negative healthy emotions such as sadness and frustration as compared to unhealthy negative emotions such as depression and hostility (Tan, 2022).
Cognitive Techniques
There are variety of techniques at play within the mental toolbox for cognitive therapists.
CB
Beck employed a variety of techniques within cognitive behavioral therapy. Beck would utilize the technique of idiosyncratic meaning to ask clients to utilize words to describe their thoughts and feelings. The counselor then analyzes the words and questions the client on why particular words are being used to describe oneself. Reattribution is a technique which forces clients to think of other reasons why something occurred. Commonly the counselor will ask one if there “is another way to look at this?” The counselor can also use rational responding as a technique which analyzes the evidence for or against something, what is more reasonable an explanation, limiting the extreme response of the person, and finding better ways to cope with the problem. Counselors or therapists can also utilize examining options and alternatives as a strategy to brainstorm other solutions. The counselor can use decatastrophizing as a way to illustrate how the client is blowing things out of proportion. CB therapists also utilize fantasized consequences which examines the supposed consequences of a situation to expose the irrationality of it. Closely related is the technique of exaggeration or paradox in which the client is asked to verbalize all fears and consequences to the utmost extreme. Upon reaching this height, the counselor then carefully walks the client back down to a more reasonable conclusion. Obviously, this type of therapy should be used with care for some clients with particular past traumas. Counselors also can try the technique of scaling to reduce the all or nothing feelings of a person. This involves numbering the issue on a scale of 1 to 100 to help the client truly understand the significance of something. Self talk is an important skill and technique as well that helps the client internally speak to oneself when confronted with the particular issue of control. An interior monologue of planned and self rehearsed responses to a given situation and then utilized. Thought stopping is yet another technique to help clients where the client is given control of maladaptive thoughts through the command of stop, or through distracting oneself from the thought itself. In addition to disruptive thoughts, counselors can help clients learn labeling of distortions in which the client is taught to identify the irrational and properly label it for what it is. Essential to this and many other techniques is the use of homework for clients. Clients can journal or in some cases put themselves in certain situations and practice these skills (Tan, 2022).
CBT/REBT
Ellis also employed a variety of techniques building upon Beck’s ideas to help individuals manage and control irrational thoughts and behaviors. Ellis helped clients learn the technique of disputing irrational beliefs as a way to face them. Ellis employed this foundational technique with the ABC model. A stands for the activation of the event or situation encountered, B stood for the beliefs that are usually irrationally tied to the event, and C stood for the consequences of those beliefs. Ellis would help individuals understand all three aspects of this to understand every step of the irritational episode and how to better dissect it (Tan, 2022). Ellis also utilized the concept of homework and applied it to the ABC model by asking clients to keep a journal at home in which the steps of ABC evolve also into DE, in which the client in journal form disputes the irrational belief of the day and to note the unhealthy effects. Ellis also emphasized a changing in language. He especially dismissed demanding language that involve “must”. In addition, Ellis was a big believer in psychoeducation as a way for individuals to understand themselves, and to apply what they learned in teaching others.
Beyond cognitive tools, Ellis also employed a variety of emotional tools to help understand one’s irrational thoughts. Emotionally, Ellis believed in the importance of unconditional self acceptance and the critical part the counselor played in conveying this to the client. Although no way as dependent as person centered therapy and the therapeutic relationship, CB and CBT does recognize the important role a counselor plays in helping guide the client. In such way, emotional support is important and various therapies can be utilized to help emotional healing. Rational emotional therapy teaches clients how to use mental imagery to visualize certain behaviors and thinking. Clients are encouraged to visualize negative emotional experiences and how to work through them. Emotionally, Ellis also believed that poking fun through humor was important. The use of humor technique utilizes humor as a tool to attack irrational thought. With emotion, self talk is also taken to a higher level, where the person moves from quiet internal discourse to verbally loud raised voice to dismiss the irrational thought. This is also accomplished in role playing between the counselor and client, where the counselor allows the client to rehearse something is emotionally upsetting (Tan, 2022). Many behavioral techniques include also tested behavioral techniques that are tied to operant conditioning, modification strategies, social skill training, relaxation trainings, stress management, and system desensitization (Tan, 2022).
Conclusion
Cognitive Behavioral (CB, CBT, REBT) are all byproducts of behavioral therapy but extend within its second wave to a more cognitive based approach. It is one of the most empirically based systems in psychology and is equally effective in treating numerous pathologies as most time tested strategies. It does not focus as much on the past as psychoanalytic theories but more so on the present and finding solution within the present. In addition, while it does stress more importance of the therapeutic relationship than psycho analytic, it does not go as far as person centered therapies. In its essence it sees humanity as neutral while other religious views portray humanity as broken but overall good.
Please also review AIHCP’s Healthcare Certifications and see if they meet one’s academic and professional goals. AIHCP offers a variety of certifications in the behavioral fields. It is critical to remember that CBT, as all therapies, are reserved for only licensed professional counselors, social workers, psychologists or psychiatrists that a certified in CBT. AIHCP’s certifications can be utilized by clinical professionals as well as non-clinical professionals but AIHCP does not offer any certifications in CBT but these are reserved for various organizations with board approvals. If interested in applying CBT to one’s practice, one needs to be first licensed and also certified within that field. This does not mean certain tools and aspects of it cannot be utilized for non-pathological cases in the pastoral setting, but not as a therapy itself.
Additional AIHCP Blogs
Behavioral Therapy: Access here
Person Centered Counseling. Access here
Existential Counseling. Access here
Jungian Psychology. Access here
Reference
Tan, S-Y. (2022). Counseling and psychology: A Christian perspective (2nd Edition). Baker Academic.
Other Resources
Dr Aaron T Beck. CBT Institute. Access here
Cherry, K. (2026). Albert Ellis Biography. VeryWellMind. Access here
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Mayo Clinic. Access here
Mcleod, S. (2023). “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)”. SimplyPsychology. Access here
AIHCP VIDEO BLOG: Grief and Feelings of Unloved
Many people who feel unloved deal with past traumas and losses that affect self image. Most cases are irrational thinking that lead to these feelings. Despite this, these feelings are sincere and real enough for the person. In this video, we look at what makes individuals feel unloved and how to feel loved and have a healthier self image.
Please also review AIHCP’s Healthcare Certification Programs.
Spiritual Direction: Spiritual Planning Strategies
The secular world voices concerns over many types of planning. Financial planning dominates most venues as critical to one’s security and future retirement. Commercials flood the television with various firms that can assure oneself and one’s family’s future through the guidance of financial advisors. One also sees the shift of importance to health and dieting, as well as intense workout plans. Life coaches, personal trainers all help create unique physical and dietary plans to the needs of one’s personal goals and health number parameters. Such concern over health and financial security is important and should be on the top of everyone’s list but in the secular world, seldom does one hear of spiritual planning. If one’s bodily health, or financial security or stability of one’s retirement in the temporal realm is important, where is the more pressing concern of one’s spiritual health, spiritual security or heavenly retirement? In the secular world, as St Teresa of Avila points out, so many exist outside the interior castle of the soul and its inner monologue and relationship with God. The soul is so blinded by the needs of the body that it forgets itself. Instead it ONLY sees the needs of the body, its health, its security and its future at the expense of the soul’s eternal salvation. When imbalance of such exists, then these physical goals and planning become illusions and false idols that detract from one’s final end. This is a very perilous life style.
In this blog, we will look at Spiritual Planning and how to implement some the most basic elements of it to provide spiritual growth and stability and a closer relationship with God. In this blog, our financial planning is interest in grace not money, growth in virtue not assets, security in God not bonds, and retirement in heaven not Florida. This blog in itself could be a long manuscript on such a broad subject, but will attempt to keep the subject as compact as possible with also consideration to other blogs and concepts, as well as texts, within AIHCP Christian Counseling as well as Spiritual Direction resources that have already touched on similar concepts found in this blog.
Please also review AIHCP’s Spiritual Direction Program, as well as its Christian Counseling Certification.
A Christian Mindset in Spiritual Planning
It is imperative for Christians to remember that salvation is not an accounting book of one’s own good deeds versus bad deeds. One cannot live a sinless life. The fall of Adam has prevented such endeavors and as broken human beings, we need the grace of God, earned through His Son on Calvary for salvation. One’s faith in Christ is essential for salvation, for one cannot find salvation in one’s own works. Pelagius, an early Church heretic, attempted to heretically teach that one’s human nature was not completely corrupted and that one, albeit rare, could imitate Christ and possibly live a sinless life. Pelagius believed works could save oneself. This was condemned by the Church at the Council of Carthage, and equally rebuked by the great saint, St. Augustine. St Paul indeed teaches that it is through Christ and His death and one’s faith in Christ that souls are saved, but it is important to understand that faith is more than a formal assent, but is a cooperation with the graces earned by Christ at Calvary. Christians are not saved by faith “alone” which was never included in the original translation but through faith which encompasses a working nature. Scripture emphasizes a working faith in Christ that balances the assent of faith with its fruits and works, for St James emphasizes the balance of spiritual works in faith. Christ, Himself, commands His followers to keep His commandments.
Hence as Christians believe that one cannot earn heaven by oneself, as if balancing a ledger, but one must completely rely on the grace earned by Christ, at such a high cost for each of us, for one’s salvation. The fruits of the working faith, the cooperation with the grace earned by Christ for one’s salvation, does not belong to oneself but a when connected to Christ, and under the grace of the Holy Spirit, become salvific. Spiritual Directors, as well as Christians who attempt to better themselves in spiritual life, must first come to this ultimate surrender that their salvation is not their own but a gift from Christ and applied through the Holy Spirit. The Blood of Christ cleanses one of sin and pays the price for that Original Sin of Adam as well as the actual sins committed by oneself. Alone, no matter what one does, like the past sacrifices of patriarchs, are insufficient, but when aligned with Christ and His death, where one’s cross becomes tied to Christ’s cross, then they become pleasing to God. Christians are not activators of their salvation, nor are they passive recipients of it, but are cooperators with what was earned at the cross, motivated by grace to the gift of salvation.
The Spiritual Planning strategies in this blog do not replace Christ’s gift of salvation, but are grace motivated gifts of the Holy Spirit to participate in that redemption at a more efficient way. While the soul participates, it is the grace of the Holy Spirit that encourages it, strengthens it and molds it. Unlike physical fitness and planning, where one plays a key role in physical transformation-albeit guided and trained by another, the spiritual transformation of a soul is the work and grace of the Holy Spirit.
It is important then to find humility upon any spiritual transformation-for all virtue and grace come from the Holy Spirit that was earned by Christ at the cross. One must come and apply the Blood of Christ and Grace of the Holy Spirit, but it is not one’s own deeds and actions but the work of God existing within one’s faith that permits such a cooperation. So, like all endeavors, one must be mindful of pride. Like financial planning, or physical training, pride can easily corrupt a healthy self image with vanity. Likewise, in spiritual transformation, pride can create the illusion that one has made oneself holy and that one is more holy than other people. Like the Pharisees, one can have one’s own spirituality become a weapon and tool for one’s own damnation. It is so important as one enters into a deeper relationship with God to be mindful of spiritual pride and to pray daily for continued spiritual humility and complete reliance on the grace of God. Salvation and faith is a gift from God and something earned by Christ. We are merely partakers of this gift and must always give honor and glory to God for any spiritual gifts or insights. With this understanding, the remainder of this blog will look at some helpful techniques in spiritual planning and growth.
Spiritual Planning
Supplied with the grace of the Holy Spirit to transform purely human thoughts and deeds into something more, one can work with those graces to better obey the commandments, submit to God’s will, grow in virtue, and enter into a deeper and more healthy relationship with God. This direction and progression towards God is a life long process with pitfalls, crosses, joys, successes, failures and losses. However, what it needs to be is a progression and a perfecting of oneself in virtue to have a deeper relationship that translates into the next life with God. Padre Pio points out that progression is key. A soul, even one that has sustained growth, that fails to continue in growth or progression becomes stagnant. The soul, like a plant seeking light, must continue to grow in the direction of that light, guided by the light and nurtured through it. The moment the soul stops seeking that light, it ceases to grow in communion with God. One can consider the temporal analogy of financial growth. If one has grown in wealth and has seen continual growth in the one’s accounts with a health market, then suddenly notices a stagnant level of return, there would be great concern. Why not for the soul? If growth has suddenly stopped or become stagnant with relationship with God, this should be a serious concern. For instance, a soul that regularly attends service in Protestant churches or Mass in Catholic churches, but has no spiritual connection despite obligatory attendance has entered into a state of concern. This is why Padre Pio reflected the vital importance of continual growth, despite setbacks, but continued renewal. If a soul falls, does it immediately seek God’s forgiveness? If one fails, does one immediately identify the issue and rectify it? As sinners, we all fail, but what is critical in spiritual planning, is not only the “attempt” to limit failure, but one’s quickness to rectify it. This again stems to one’s insight on humility and pride. If one understands one’s nature as broken, then one who falls, falls in humility but also seeks forgiveness in humility. One in pride who falls, has a far harder time seeking forgiveness.
Spiritual planning must acknowledge the reality of failure, but it almost acknowledge the life long nature of the journey. In life, some look for quick investments without securing a solid foundation. Others in physical training, desire a physique but lack the discipline to attain it. Some who diet, see a diet as a temporary status to attain a particular weight to fit in that dress, instead of a life long purpose of dietary health. Spiritual growth is not fast, it is not temporary, but it is a life style. It not likened to a New Years resolution, or a Lenten journey. Lent, for many Christians, is a spiritual diet. It lasts 40 days and then is suspended after Easter. The spiritual disciplines of Lent should be intensified in unison with the Church and in memory of Christ’s passion, but it should not be a spiritual diet for 40 days. The experience of more prayer, Scripture, introspection, fasting, denial, sacramental experience and spiritual growth in virtue should not be a 40 day experience but should represent the base line of all Christian life. This is not to demean the naive view of Lent by some Christians, for it is far better to sense some need than none at all, but, as Avila points out, these souls represent the utmost basic relationship with God and His grace. They, like a first level mansion, walk in, walk out, may peek inside its windows, but fail to grasp the greater beauty further inside the interior mansions of relationship with God. They become distracted by the lures of the world and progression spirituality ends abruptly until a later existential emergency or spiritual feast day.
Spiritual Planning is a life long journey that is about constant growth, humility in that growth, acknowledgement of failures, and complete trust in the grace of God to allow one’s working faith to manifest fruits and a closer relationship with God; A relationship that manifests in its finality in Heaven with God.
Spiritual Planning Ideas
Counseling strategies, life coaching, and physical training plans are quite similar to spiritual training. As Mark Walberg commonly states, “Are you prayed up”. Spiritual Directors are Spiritual Trainers in this sense. They are not just spiritual but also should have a core understanding of counseling techniques based in goal setting and facilitating change. In previous blogs, we discuss the psychology of change and habit. We discuss neuro-pathways and how habit takes time to form. One does not suddenly become a a horrible sinner by one trip nor a great saint by one wonderful moment, but it is a character and progress of that character that defines both virtue and vice. As the ancient philosophers noted, character is a continual presence of a particular excellence in action that is unhindered but natural to the nature. This is natural habit is not something easily gained, or lost. One merely can look at the horrible nature of sin and its addiction itself. One who works to rid oneself of vice must work with the grace of the Holy Spirit to heal, change and transform. God can miraculously change and convert a person, but in most cases, the journey is one of a cross, one where one’s nature learns of the love of God and His continual mercy as change is undertaken and achieved. So, suffice to say, the process of change involves counseling. It involves goal setting. Just like certain financial goals are discussed, set and hoped for, so certain goals spiritually must be discussed and planned. Like exercise, the goals of a certain weight, or certain amount of reps in a particular weight training, concur with a particular habit or virtue that one aspires for. As meticulous journals keep weight training numbers, so one may need to keep track of one’s modified behavior in recollection and examination of conscience. How many times, did I sin today? How many times, did I accept the grace of God and overcome temptation? St Ignatius Loyola in his spiritual exercises in week one, challenges the person to almost scrupulously monitor and track one’s failings. As if tracking calories, St Ignatius asks us to track sin and vice! A working faith demands such accountability to a God who has paid such a high price for us and has made such graces available to the soul for its salvation.
Goal Planning
Goal planning is part of the counseling paradigm. This is especially seen in behavioral therapies where behavioral change is based on how one thinks. Behavior is greatly modified and altered by how one thinks. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps individuals think differently so as to feel differently and finally behave differently. Within the behavioral model, desired changes take time but they are planned changes in behavior starting in how we think about things. Spiritual Directors can help individuals think differently about life through the prism of grace, God, and virtue. In doing so, desired behavioral modifications as well as targeted virtual habit can be set in goals.
Again, though, before any planning can be undertaken, unlike temporal planning which relies on the strengths and powers of oneself, spiritual planning must be placed entirely into the grace of God. Goals and noble desires are attained through grace and normal actions are spiritualized and made perfect when united with Christ. Hence no spiritual plan can have any value if placed in pride and self or the belief that one’s own works and deeds have value without the guidance and grace of God. Without God, these works, dreams and aspirations are utterly worthless. This is why any plan, before undertaken, must be placed within the guidance and protection of God. Daily prayer, devotion, and commitment to God’s will is essential. When one rises, all plans, all duties, all vocational assignments, all crosses, and all joys must be given to God. The morning offering gives to God everything one does in a day before the day starts and unites everything to Christ to be offered to the Father as a perfect sacrifice to be guided by the grace of the Holy Spirit. One must then relinquish control and unite one’s will with God. One must acknowledge one’s utter dependence on God and again unite one’s will to Him for transformation. Placing one’s plan under the guidance of God and allowing it to fall under His will is a big differing point between temporal planning and spiritual planning, but for the Christian, why not submit all plans-even temporal- to God’s will!
In counseling, especially behavioral therapies, plans need to be discussed and identified. The goal need identified but also how to attain the particular goal, the challenges to that goal, possible setbacks and time frames. Because of the human nature, the counselor needs to curb enthusiasm so as to prevent burnout when goals become difficult. Great zeal can quickly turn to great despair. The counselor is trained to set intermediate goals for a person. Little goals that track progress can help build confidence and lessen despair upon failure. This can be seen in financial expectations, as well as weight loss expectations, or even behavioral modifications to stop smoking or drinking. An individual with a spiritual plan to evict a vice from one’s habitual orbit, may find despair if one fails on a particular day. Like a person who succumbs to a cigarette or donut late at night, one can succumb to a vice. A good spiritual director can calm the person and identify why and how it occurred but also to remind one that habits take time and goals take time to achieve. One needs to find mercy in God when one fails and not find complete pride or joy in one’s own accomplishments but to reflect all in God.
Pitfalls are part of all plans. Individuals attempted to escape habits, fall, but what God cherishes is the choice to change and the direction. This is why spiritual directors should encourage the soul and point out the importance of gradual change in severity and frequency and the mercy and grace of God. Intermediate goals do not demand perfection but gradual growth. Once intermediate goals are met, one can move forward to the next step. Like weight training, once a certain number of reps are met, or a certain weight is attained, one is able to advance. Like so in spiritual life.
Like all planning, it is crucial to keep the person focused but also humble and also remind one of one’s nature. Many times during change, individuals become obsessed more so with the numbers than the journey and end goal. One can become scrupulous and focus more on avoiding or worry or fretting over the smallest of actions to the point it causes extreme distress, despair and guilt. The devil can be very subtle in derailing a soul working towards God. So it is important that whichever habit, or spiritual goal one has, to not mistaken the goal or new habit as the ultimate end. Unlike the view of the ancient philosophers, virtue itself is not the end goal of our worship. Virtue is a vehicle and intermediate step to the ultimate goal which should be relationship with God. So when one focusses more on numbers, one begins to focus more on self than God. God is the ultimate goal in the entire endeavor of spiritual planning. Unlike physical training, when one only looks at the body and its change, but not the overall health, then derailment can occur to various maladies. Likewise, when virtue is sought for the sake of virtue, instead of its purpose as a vehicle to God, then it can be turned against oneself. In this, one needs to see things that are means as means, and clearly in planning contrast it with one’s end. Counselors help individuals navigate this, as well as spiritual directors.
Spiritual Strategies
With a stronger understanding of the nature of planning, as well as setting goals, and understanding the difference between means and ends, we will quickly review some types of spiritual plans. In my daily life, I believe in planning. Calendars are essential but also journals as well as notes to self, as well as self talk to keep one on track. Life is comprised of professional, academic, family, self, physical and spiritual aspects and we need to balance these in accordance. We need to structure these vocational duties that we owe to God, self and neighbor. First and foremost, they must be prioritized. Certain things on lists are non-negotiable. They are priorities that must be met before others. Obviously physically, diet, grooming, and sleep are among those. Spiritually, prayer, worship and communion with God should top that list. However, in any planning, there are events, assignments, or obligations that are secondary to primary ones. Some may be flexible and able to be moved, while others may be optional. It is important to define these when planning.
Planning wise, like financial plans, I like to plan by the quarterly year. While I have daily duties, weekly duties, bi-weekly duties, and monthly duties, that lead to fulfillment of the quarter, I like to see set goals for that period. Some goals are primary, others may be flexible, but they are listed. The 3 month period serves as a reminder of what needs done in some cases, but also where I would like to be as a measuring stick. Obviously one can see where this can be applied financially, physically but also spiritually.
From a spiritual context, how has one’s daily, weekly and monthly habits gradually changed over the 3 month period? Daily journaling, weekly remarks and monthly checks can keep one on pace with possible goals. If one is stricken with the vice of drunkenness, one can review the number of drinks a week and its gradual reduction from week to month to quarterly period. If the goal is to reduce this habit, then one may discover a new trend that one can find solace in as recorded numbers show reduced intoxication as well drinks per week or month. One can then ascertain if one has met the quarterly goal or not and how to access the next quarter. Remember, this is a life style, it is a marathon, not a race, so gradual is better than nothing. This again takes one to the importance of daily and weekly monitoring, so that data and change of habit can be documented. During this examination of conscience, at the end of each day, or week, or month, or every one quarters, one can see the weaknesses, what one can do better, and most importantly remember on one’s complete reliance in God for any change. The spiritual director can encourage the soul in this progress and also help set new intermediate goals, or re-ascertain certain strategies or time tables to help maintain the confidence of the person in this change and ultimate better relationship with God.
The spiritual director also becomes a spiritual coach in this endeavor. Upon reflection of plans, one’s attainment, progress, or failures, a coach helps develop a person’s skills. This may consist in different prayers or penances, or fasting that help foster a particular virtue or habit. Particular spiritual readings of the saints and their writings, as well as Biblical books or chapters that correspond with one’s troubles can be utilized. Goals within a particular time table may include within a 3 month span to work in charity, or read a certain amount of books, or become more acquainted with a particular book of the Bible that will help one move forward. In may also include if Catholic, more frequent reception of the Eucharist, as well as confession. These things not able help the soul in despair, but also give the soul sources of grace to help transform over the spiritual planning time. Spiritual directors or confessors can become original in their ideas to share with individuals various particular deeds, or readings that meet a person’s needs and direction.
With all planning, one seeks change, and good change agents produce change. This involves within the spiritual planning, promoting healthier communications and removal of vice associated materials. These things that promote sin are referred to as occasions of sin. It can be a person, place or thing. Spiritual directors need to encourage souls to avoid places associated with particular sins. If bars are associated with drinking or lewd conduct, then these places should be removed from a person’s habitual visit. The same holds true for any addict of any vice. In regards to lust, avoiding imagery or situations that promote lust should be removed from one’s life. If a cell phone in close proximity calls one to pornographic imagery, turn off the phone or remove it from one’s reach. Many of the saints practiced far greater mortifications, beyond what I would recommend, but one must, if seeking change, remove the occasions of sin. Like a person a diet who removes donuts and cakes from the cabinet, one must remove occasions associated with the detrimental behavior.
Like wise positive change agents must be introduced into any spiritual plan promoting change. Like in a diet, one supplies their refrigerator with wholesome foods, so the soul must supply the daily routine with wholesome content. Good spiritual reading, better company, prayer, as well as support from other religious persons who share the same ends is crucial. A clean home promotes change, so does a clean spiritual environment. One needs to remove the spiritual filth for the soul to change. Like a dirty body that needs cleaned to become healthy, so does a dirty soul need cleaned to move forward. Christ’s blood and the grace of the Holy Spirit provides the solution. One must wash oneself in these things and provide oneself with healthy reminders of those things that promote new spiritual change within oneself. Healthy and positive change agents replace negative occasions of sin and replace maladaptive coping with healthy spiritual coping founded in prayer and faith in God.
Conclusion
Spiritual planning is a life style change that takes time and is a life change of progress towards God. One cannot earn this change but it is gift from God that we partake in. While the grace of God is a gift, one still must work with that grace. Spiritual change, like any change, or plan in life, is something that one must dedicate oneself to and purposely plan to achieve with commitment and guidance of the Holy Spirit. There are many ways to promote a better relationship with God and when we find time to plan prayer, worship and submission to Him, He will guide us in all our plans to find better communion with Him.
Spiritual planning in itself should be a big part of one’s life. It should take priority over everything else we do because our ultimate end is God. Spiritual planning acknowledges the necessity of Christ’s death and the grace for salvation and how to apply it to our lives so when we stand before God, we will know Him well, as we enter into paradise.
Please also review AIHCP’s Spiritual Direction Program, as well as AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification.
Other AIHCP Blogs
Behavioral Therapies: Access here
Behavior and Change. Access here
Theology and Psychology of Moral Actions. Access here
Recommended Reading
Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius
Interior Castle-Teresa of Avila
Other Resources
Leontis, A. (2025). “Virtue Ethics: What it is and How it Works”. Philosophos. Access here
“Spiritual Direction”. IgnatianSpirituality.com. Access here
Moore, M. “Goal Setting in Counseling and Therapy”. Mentalyc. Access here
Grief Counseling Certification Video Blog: Fear and Grief
Fear can play a strong role in grieving. Whether anticipatory and fearful of a future event, or fear that cripples one while grieving to express or reach out, or fear that becomes maladaptive with other types of losses, it needs addressed. This video looks at how fear can affect grieving. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Behavioral Psychology and Therapies
Behavioral Psychology is a branch of counseling and techniques that emphasize the direct role social experiences and learning play a role in behavior. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an offshoot from it. Behavior Therapy focuses on how current behaviors are affected through previous learning experiences and how they shaped the current behavior. Behavior Therapy is concerned less with the subconscious and how it played a role in one’s current behavior but more so how past experiences, learning, and how classical and operant conditioning formed one’s individual behavior. Like many schools of thought, it adheres to a strict conceptual model for its approach but for many therapists, it is integrated with other schools of thought to meet the needs of the client. Among the many psychological schools, Behavior Therapy is the most empirically based approaches despite its limitations if used as the only lens to examine human behavior. It perspective is a critical piece of understanding individuals and helping them find productive change and healing. For that reason, it and many of its techniques are widely applied with other Psychoanalytic and Rogerian therapies.
Please also review AIHCP’s Behavioral Health Certifications, including Grief Counseling, Crisis Counseling, Trauma Informed Care, Anger Management, Stress Management, as well as Spiritual Counseling and Christian Counseling.
Behavioral Therapy
Behavioral Therapy emerged in the Mid 20th Century and continues to adapt and add key components from the original thought. Key pioneers and founders of Behavioral Therapy include Joseph Wolpe, Hans Eysenck, B.F. Skinner, Arnold Lazarus, Albert Bandura and David Meichenbaum (Tan, 2022). Traditional Behavior Therapy is based on behavior being conditioned by one’s learning and social environment. Classical conditioning as well as operant conditioning play large roles in how behavior evolves within a person.
Classical conditioning is based off IvanPavlov and his studies on canine responses to stimuli. In classical conditioning, the dog salivates in response to the treat or food. The salivation is referred to the unconditioned response or natural response to the food or unconditioned stimuli. The UCR to the UCS is a natural response to something that occurs subconsciously within any living creature. Pavlov however incorporated a conditioned stimuli next to the unconditioned stimuli to help provoke a conditioned response. He added the ringing of a bell during dinner time for the dogs. The dogs continued to salivate and eat due to the food, but later when the food was removed, the ringing of the bell still conditioned a response of salivating. A CR emerged due to the CS. This illustrated that living things can be conditioned and behavior changed at neural level over time.
Operant conditioning also played a role for Wolpe, Skinner and other early behavioral therapists. Operant conditioning looks to alter behavior through consequences. Behaviors that are reinforced with pleasant stimuli or reward, or even the absence of negative stimuli constitute positive/negative reinforcement of it. These consequences look to maintain or increase a certain behavior. Behaviors that are met with punishment and negative stimuli look to eliminate or reduce a certain behavior (Tan, 2022).
Behavior modification became a key component in changing a person way of thinking and acting. Skinner even took this a step farther than most and indicated that all behavioral events and modifications determine what a person will or shall do, even to the extent of denying free will (Tan, 2022). Obviously, this was an extreme outlook and narrows human behavior only to present stimuli and events without considering the numerous other things at play. Nonetheless, one cannot deny the profound effect environment and stimuli plays within the role of behavior and decision making.
As the school of thought developed, cognitive and other elements would become important tenets in Behavior Therapy.
Techniques and Therapies
Behavioral Therapy employs a broad range of techniques and therapies. First and foremost, the therapist is more so in control than in Rogerian therapies and other Person-Centered Therapies. The therapist takes a central role. The client proposes the “what” while the therapist presents the “how”. Hence, there is far less concern with the therapist-client relationship. Although not disregarded, especially when integrated, the emphasis of healing and change is more so in the techniques and the now instead of focusing on a relationship or probing into the past.
To help understand the client, behavioral assessment is the first and key stage in helping the client. This involves targeting the “what” of the problem and identifying symptoms and problems of the client (Tan, 2022). Counselors propose operant conditioning as a key element of change. They utilize positive and negative forms of reinforcement to help the client change. Some cases involve complete extinction of any positive or negative. If dealing with a child’s temper tantrum, extinction would be utilized as a way to completely to ignore the outburst and when the child is again calm to implement positive reinforcement. Punishment or aversive control can also be utilized to produce change. Positive punishment adds an adverse stimulus, while negative punishment removes something positive. A child may be forced to do a choir or with positive punishment associated with undesired behavior, while negative may involve grounding a child or taking away a privilege. In some cases though, punishment and extinction can also cause unwanted desires in anger and aggression. Because of this, positive reinforcement is seen as the best psychological tool in promoting healthy change (Tan, 2022).
Another technique utilized in Behavior Therapy is Token Economies. This technique is a positive reinforcing strategy based on reward of token which has a symbolic value for something that can earned through good behavior. This is a common technique used in schools which keep track of desired performance and behavior with recognition and reward.
Modeling represents another utilized strategy to help foster change. In modeling, the client observes another person’s behavior and the consequences surrounding it. Bandura listed certain ways modeling can be utilized in changing behavior. He first emphasized teaching which includes simple observation and application of the model. Second, in therapy, prompting involves the client performing a certain behavior that was observed. Motivating a client through modeling involves focus on the reward of the other person and hence motivating the client to replicate the behavior. Reducing anxiety involves watching the model perform an anxious deed to be replicated by the client. Maybe this involves the model dealing with something that is a phobia for the client. Finally, live modeling involves replicating the behavior or acting it out in therapy under the guidance of the counselor (Tan, 2022).
In addition, Behavior therapies also look to incorporate certain social skill and assertiveness training. In this, the therapist helps the client understand their current behavior and why he or she responds in certain situations and how to respond differently, utilizing a variety of modeling and rehearsal techniques. In this way, Behavior Therapy works closely with a variety of management techniques to work on behaviors that need changed, included areas of anger, assertiveness, as well as stress management. In addition, the counselor looks to help the client meet goals and self directed change. Bandura believed strongly in the self efficacy of a client to successfully implement change in one’s life (Tan, 2022). In meeting goals, self talk and other cognitive ways to help someone through a situation is encouraged. Meichenbaum employed stress inoculation training, as a type of exposure therapy to stress itself and how one responds to stress. This CBM (Cognitive Behavior Modification) was also utilized by the military to help soldiers in stressful situations (Tan, 2022).
Behavior Therapy also focuses heavily on relation strategies which serve to relax the central nervous system and the reactions to stress and distress. They employ a wide variety of exercises involving breathing, guided meditation and progressive muscle relation to face and deal with stress, emotions and trauma (Tan, 2022). Mindfulness is also employed in a variety of stress management strategies.
Another key tool used in Behavior Therapy involves systematic desensitization. Wolpe believed that exposures to phobias or traumas can help an individual modify current behavioral reactions and recircuit reactions to them. Utilizing the SUD scale (Subjective Units of Discomfort), the therapist gradually exposes the client to a phobia or issue. For example, a person who fears a spider will be begin to be introduced to issues surrounding the spider with the therapist documenting the SUD scale input between 1 to 100 with 100 being the most anxious. Minimal dosing with the word, moves forward to a picture, then it progresses to dead specimens to alive specimens to eventual complete exposure and touching (Tan, 2022). Wolpe referred to this as counterconditioning a certain behavioral response with a new and healthy response. Other forms are more intense. Flooding involves exposure without the feared stimuli or its consequences but at a higher maximum level. One modern utilization of this is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). This technique has gained popularity in therapies facing trauma and has proved to be effective way for many clients to face trauma and phobias itself (Tan, 2022).
Moving Forward
Behavior Therapy has evolved to include many multi-dimensional aspects, included mindfulness as well as cognitive therapies. It is a very successful type of therapy but like all therapies when utilized singularly, it can miss important aspects of healing regarding the past, or unresolved memories. Yet despite this, it still possesses a comprehensive approach to multiple issues. It helps the person gain autonomy and confidence through goals and freedom to reset one’s mindset to produce new desired behaviors.
Please also review AIHCP’s Healthcare Certification Programs and see if they meet your academic and professional goals.
Other AIHCP Blogs
Patient Centered Therapy: Access here
Existential Therapy: Access here
Reference
Tan, S-Y. (2022). Counseling and psychology: A Christian perspective (2nd Edition). Baker Academic.
Additional Resources
Cherry, K. (2025). “How Behavioral Therapy Works”. Very Well Mind. Access here
Gillette, H. (2025). “Your Guide to Understanding Behavioral Therapy”. PsychCentral. Access here
“Joseph Wolpe’s Contributions to Psychology: Pioneering Behavioral Therapy” (2024). Neurolaunch. Access here
Divorce and Heartbreak Grief Video Blog
The pain of a breakup and divorce has many levels of loss and secondary losses. While each can be horrible for a person, different individuals have different experiences for a variety of reasons. This video takes a closer look at the multiple factors in relationship loss and grief.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Grief Counseling: Different Grieving for Different Deaths
They say the only two certain things in life are death and taxes. Death is indeed definite. Ironically though is part of life. Every breath and heart beat is determined from then on and into the future the very moment a the infant takes its first breath outside the womb and its first heartbeat within it. Every day brings one closer to death but when living, the inevitability of death is rarely focused on or discussed. Death anxiety is a cultural norm. The myth and fear that one should not speak about such fearful things as to summon it remains fixed in society. The moment of death is shunned while birth is celebrated. Even those of faith, still fear its grasps despite the hope of a better world to come. Due to the unknown and fear, death subjects become taboo or too morbid to discuss in some families as if the grim reaper is outside the door itself.
Obviously such fears of death, or to even discuss the critical part of our entire existence is not healthy. Death and loss occurs everyday and eventually death finds one’s family and friends. Those who flee death are less prepared, while those who study it and discuss it understand its implications. This does not guarantee one escapes the pain of loss associated with death of a friend or loved one, but it does recognize the reality which is crucial in understanding and coping with loss.
With every death, there is pain and loss experienced within a family, community, or culture. It is unavoidable because with death comes change. The change of no longer sharing a life with someone or being able to speak with someone or experience that person’s friendship. Death of a loved one brings emptiness and sadness, but these are not adverse or pathological reactions to be dismissed, rejected, or hidden. They are instead natural responses to losing someone that is loved. The reactions of death and loss are a result of love. Without love or attachment to someone, then there is no grief. There may be the simple statement of regret for that family, or person, or at a communal level or national level, a sense of anger and injustice, but true loss and pain is directly correlated with a more intense connection. Connection and attachment correlate with the degree of adjustment and pain in loss.
Every loss is unique and one cannot judge a mere relationship or assume connection with every type of death one experiences within a family or community. Different deaths have different meanings for people and how they react. One could lose a parent and be devastated over the loss, while someone estranged to a parent one never knew may feel no connection or intense pain. One may lose a pet that was the center of one’s world, while another may just see a pet as a pet. In other cases, one may be deeply struck by losing a grandparent, while others may not even know their grandparent.
In this blog, I preface that while we will discuss types of deaths, this is a general guide to reactions and common feelings. It in no way attempts to say this is the way one will feel if this person or that person dies. This should be seen as a general map of the more common grief reactions based on healthy connections without extraordinary circumstances. So, very well, the reader may connect to one point, but completely disagree with his or her own experience in the next. So, consider these different types of grief to different types of deaths as a general review.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
Accidental Qualities to Consider in Death and the Reaction to It
Accidental qualities are the unique elements that make deaths different for different people experiencing them. One could classify a particular relational death but the accidental and subjective aspects the story can increase emotional intensity or decrease. Some can complicate normal trajectory of grieving into complicated and prolonged grief disorders itself. Here are some things to consider as accidental qualities
Sudden Death or Expected Death
This is a huge factor in complications in grieving for some. While complicated grief is less common than normal grieving, complications are tied to sudden deaths at a higher level. Sudden death also brings more shock and awe and denial than other types of death. It is the sudden call on the phone at night with the horrible news. It is the call that one wishes was a nightmare and forever changes one’s life. One can be at work, or dinner, or at an event and the sudden news forever shatters the person. Sudden death can also create and imprint upon the person a fearful death anxiety. Unexpected death makes one question one’s own mortality.
Likewise, expected death while not as abrupt can bring about different reactions. If someone is very elderly, or if someone is terminal, the death is expected. One in fact is experiencing anticipatory grief and may be grieving already before the death occurs. The death can be seen as a relief for caregivers, or for family members who see the deceased as free from suffering. Some may experience guilt for this reprieve but they should not allow it to overtake them. Others may feel the intense pain of choosing to take a person off life support or a particular drug. The choices of palliative care can be a painful one for a family. Family should openly discuss their feelings when someone terminal or elderly finally passes. Again, this loss could be far more intense for a child who dies of cancer, as opposed to an elderly person in palliative care. Does this mean the loss is painless or not deserving to be experienced based on these things? Obviously, one is more tragic, but one should not be felt to pretend to be happy merely because one is finally relieved of suffering. There is an ambiguous as well as bitter sweet feeling when one loses an elderly family member over a stretch period of time.
Tragic Loss
A tragic loss usually coincides with a sudden loss but also includes a horrible death scene, or way the person died. This could involve war, a murder, or a tragic violent act. This can lead the survivor into a deep sense of mourning and anger. In addition, successful suicides can deeply hurt with with additional emotions of anger, guilt, or increased suicidal thoughts oneself. Tragic loss does not necessarily mean complications for the survivors, but it can lead to it.
Ambiguous Loss
Some family losses remain ambiguous and one never experiences closure. These deaths involve unrecovered bodies in war, or acts of nature. In addition, mourning a person who is kidnapped or loss leaves a person with a perpetual what if scenario. One cannot grieve death for fear of accepting it or even worst a horrible situation existing for a loved one.
Estranged Family Relationship
Estranged family relationships can intensify or lessen the impact of a loss. In some cases, when a family member who passes is estranged, there can be a feeling of anger, guilt, or a mixture of sadness and anger. Whether the justification for estrangement was legitimate or not, it can lead to an array of issues at the funeral with other family members who may feel estranged members are not welcome.
Abuse and Trauma
Abuse leaves trauma and when an abusive family member dies there may exist sadness, but also joy and justification. Some may feel a mixture of these feelings. Abuse can also make the abused feel guilty for the death of the abuser.
Emotional Connection
How attached to someone is essential to the equated pain, suffering and adjustment. Some individuals are closer to siblings or cousins than others. Some have a deeper connection to a friend than a different friend. So the mere title of the relationship does not always entail the emotional response. The more attached and connected to a person emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially, the more intense the change. Loss always equals change which equals grief.
Age of the Griever
Children grieve differently than adults. Those with mental issues also express grief differently. It is important to be aware of the age of the griever and their relationship with the deceased to fully understand their ability to understand death, much less express it in a healthy way.
Family Support
Support or no support plays a large role in reaction to loss. One who loses a spouse and has no other family or friends can experience deeper loneliness and pain. Those with support can share their grief and also receive additional care in funeral planning and post funeral life.
One can consider numerous other accidental qualities to even add to this list which make every death for someone unique and different in their grieving journey
Types of Losses to Death
Loss of a Child
This is considered objectively to be the most painful loss despite subjective accidental qualities. Losing a child has its own accidental qualities that have a strong universal impact on any healthy parental relationship with the child. Again, the way it occurred suddenly in an accident, or in a cancer ward, shapes different experiences, but the emptiness, pain, and life long mark upon the heart never leaves. Losing a child in the womb, at birth, in infancy, adolescence, or young adult are all horrible in their own unique ways for the parent. It is singularly the most destructive change agent in a person’s life. The universal component captures the essence of unnatural. Children bury their parents, not the other way around. So while, some situations may give different perspectives on the loss, the grim reality remains a parent has buried his or her child. This type of loss that individuals like to avoid to even think about. The intense anxiety that the thought itself produces in the mind is painful enough. The intrusive image, or even conversation usually is immediately dismissed abruptly. One can then only imagine the nightmare and pain a parent carries in his or her heart when this loss occurs within any accidental possibilities. The nature of itself is horrible enough to keep one awake at night.
Loss of a Parent
Losing a parent is considered objectively to be the second most painful loss. Again, without a variety of accidental qualities, this loss ties oneself to one’s very existence. The caregiving and connection over life itself bonds the child to the parent. This attachment matures and changes throughout life to different needs. Obviously a child who loses a parent experiences a far greater blank in life. The pain of growing up without the parent and experiencing the parent in one’s life into adulthood. For adults who lose their parents, there is still a pain but it does follow a logical and natural course of burying an elderly parent. This too can have complications in whether the parent suddenly passed away or was terminal. Grievers may feel they are no orphans to the world when the final piece of source of physical existence no longer remains. For many, this emptiness comes sooner while others are blessed to experience this pain far later, but whether sooner or later, the loss of a parent leaves a deep emptiness and existential question of self. It also shifts one responsibility. One becomes, in adulthood, the new patriarch or matriarch of the family and with that new responsibilities and worries.
Loss of a Grandparent
For many, the loss of a grandparent is something that occurs in younger adulthood. Again, it can strike at any age which also creates different responses. For some, a grandparent may have raised them while others may have rarely seen the grandparent. Grandparents usually represent the first experience of death at a intimate and closer level of relationship for individuals. It introduces the person to the reality of death and that everyone will eventually die. For others, a grandparent represents unconditional love. In many cases, one represents reprieve from harder discipline that comes from parents. They are sources of wisdom, family history, and wit them dies a certain era and part of one’s life. Some may even feel guilt for not seeing them enough, which is a natural reaction and not one that should be allowed to fester.
Loss of a Sibling
Losing a sibling, especially, at a younger age, or in a sudden and horrible accident can have great impacts on an individual. For many, siblings, as well as cousins, are a a loss a long term relationships that are meant to span across one’s entire life. Siblings should be a person’s first friend. A shared story and identity in culture and family values and traditions binds brothers and sisters, and cousins, together. The assumed outcome is a long life, but when lives are shortened, this can bring one to horrible life changes and death anxieties. The closer the bond, even twins, the more intense the pain of loss.
Loss of a Spouse
Losing a spouse should be an intense loss equal to that a parent in some cases. With divorce and so many bad decisions, the modern world has come to see spouses as replaceable, but for those truly in love, losing a partner can leave one truly alone in life. A younger couple who experiences this may subjectively suffer differently from a couple with children as opposed to a couple who has spent 50 years of marriage together. With these losses, unique challenges emerge. Younger spouses look to rebuild, spouses with children look to raise children alone, and older spouses may very well die of a broken heart. With these losses, roles of duties, income disparity, and other secondary losses with groups of people can all emerge and create further pain and discomfort in the new adjustment of life.
Loss of a Pet
This is the most disenfranchised of losses because according to some, pets are not people. The connection and love that human beings share do not need to be confined to merely other humans. In fact, many pets carry higher family values than some actual family members. Many pets are considered children to the person and play a deep connective and important emotional role to the person. While, pathology can exist in some extreme cases, for most pets, they are family and deserve the same love and grief when they are gone and people will grieve their pets as grieving any other family member. In fact, this is normal in itself and should be respected.
Conclusion
While the death of a person creates loss for other people, the type of death and the accidental qualities surrounding it make one singular event a very different experience for other people. Grief Counselors need to be aware of the whole story surrounding the grief of someone who has lost a friend or family member. Grief Counselors can just not assume the loss will be felt in a certain way due to relationship status, but must instead understand the subjective relationship the person had with the deceased. There will be some common threads with particular losses but there will also be numerous accidental qualities to a particular loss that can play a key role how the person reacts and how the person adjusts to the loss.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification, as well as its Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Program, Pet Loss Grief Counseling Program, Christian Grief Counseling Program, Grief Diversity Counseling Program, Grief Perinatal Program, Grief Practitioner Program and finally its Grief Support Group Leader Program.
All programs are open to qualified clinical and non clinical professionals.
Additional Blogs
Death of a Friend: Click here
Child Grief and Death. Click here
Additional Resources
Fisher, J. (2023). 5 stages of grief: Coping with the loss of a loved one. Harvard Health Publishing. Access here
Solomon, D. (2025). Do’s and Don’ts When a Loved One Is Dying. Psychology Today. Access here
Ten Reasons Why Losing a Grandparent Still Hurts Deeply as an Adult — Understanding Adult Grief and Ways to Cope. Grief Support Center. Access here
Bahou, C. (2025). “Coping with the loss of a parent: Handling grief and more”. MedicalNewsToday. Access here
Spiritual Direction and Guidance in Prayer Life
As St Teresa of Avila states, a soul that does not pray is likened to a body that is limbless. The importance of prayer is central to life itself. One can use any physical analogy, as oxygen, or the heart, and none still compare to illustrate the importance of prayer to the soul and life itself. Through grace, gained through the death of Christ on the cross, communication with God was restored. The price of sin was paid in full. Through the great price of each soul, souls could again via application of Christ’s Blood which earned for humanity the gift of grace, again possess a parental relationship with God. Fueled through sanctifying grace and the removal of Original Sin, a soul bought by Christ, could again commune with God in an effective and purposeful way.
Hence, prayer is communication and participation in the Divine while on Earth. As creatures, justice demands prayer to God. One is to know and serve God through adoration, contrition and thanksgiving, and petition, but through the virtue of charity, one not only serves and worships out of justice, but also prays out of love. God has elevated humanity from mere creatures but to also images of His own likeness in which one can share in His Divine Life. Prayer opens this door and should beyond its mechanical functions of proper worship be also a conduit of love. This love is that of a child for his parent!
When the soul becomes deeper in love with God, prayer then becomes more profound and connected to God. Spiritual Directors should help and teach their spiritual children how not only to pray and its purposes, but also how to develop and foster a deeper and real relationship with Jesus Christ.
Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Program but also its Spiritual Direction program.
Jesus Taught Us How to Pray
Jesus told His followers that the Father and He are one and no one can go to the Father but through Him. He also taught His followers the “Our Father” which encompasses the core values of adoration, contrition, thanksgiving and petition. This is purely the most basic and mechanical structure of prayer but it lays the ground work and reasons of it. Through the simple words of the “Our Father” our Lord leads one to deeper mysteries of prayer that are essential for spiritual development.
Types of Prayer
Prayer entails adoration, contrition, thanksgiving and petition. Most likely, one of these four elements will play a role in one’s prayer at a particular point in life. All are essential. Christ teaches that one must love God with one’s whole heart, mind and soul. He also teaches one must seek forgiveness as well as be thankful for what the Father has granted. In addition, He reminds one to ask the Father for what is good and what one needs. In one way or the other, one’s prayers have centered around these themes.
Vocal prayer can be singular or communal. Worship must be balanced. Spiritual and religious are complimentary concepts not competing ideals. One who is religious partakes in communal and ritualistic prayers, such as Sunday worship, or Mass, or communal prayer gatherings. One who is spiritual endears oneself to Scripture, daily and morning offerings, rosary, or other meditations. One who is only religious lacks spiritual growth but only visual status. Like the Pharisees, they are dead inside. One who is only spiritual embarks on their OWN journey and OWN dogma and disengages from the Mystical Body of Christ. Humility and obedience demand more. So, like two lungs, prayer life must be religious and spiritual, communal and singular. One must have a personal and communal life with God to function fully as a member of the Mystical Body of Christ. It is important then to balance these two elements of spiritual life.
Within personal prayer, there are many ways to speak to God. One can use pre-ordained prayers of trusted tradition, but they must not just be words recited but words felt. One can also use one’s own words to express worship, thanksgiving, petition and contrition to God. In fact, speaking to God, as if speaking to someone in a room, but of course with the respect God deserves, is a powerful way to form a strong relationship with God. God should be so close to oneself, that one should speak to Him throughout the day about occurrences and issues.
Mental prayer is an essential aspect of spiritual life. Mental prayer is conscious choice to engage God in the quiet of the mind. Some religious propose postures of kneeling, or upright posture to avoid drowsiness, others support ideas of comfort, especially if one is seeking to fall asleep in the arms of God. Depending on the situation, body posture can determine alertness and ability to focus on the conversation with God. St Teresa of Avila refers to this as Prayer of Recollection because the soul is putting itself together as it enters deep within itself to speak with God. This prayer is deeply personal and open. It involves visualizing being with Jesus and speaking with Him in an intimate and real way. This is an active prayer though which involves the activation of the will to seek out God. The feelings of joy or peace that result are graces and consolations bestowed upon the soul by God, but it is the soul, especially in its early stages of spiritual development, seeking out the union with God. This is not to say God was not always available, but in many ways, one’s spiritual anchors tied to the world, muddy or dampen one’s soul and its ability to hear and receive grace. By seeking out God, this type of mental prayer grounds oneself and opens oneself to many graces.
Tied to the mental faculties but different in direction is meditative prayer. Also known as contemplative prayer, meditation or visual imagination of an event of the life of Christ excites the soul to dwell on upon the mysteries and extract from it deeper meaning. Many meditative prayers find their source in reading Scripture, or focusing on a sacred image or symbol. The mind then reflects on the event and focuses on finding meaning of the event to oneself. The mind completely opens itself to the Holy Spirit to guide it through the meditation to find the truth of the mystery. This is very different from Eastern Meditation which looks to become divine or find unity in the divine, but this seeks to participate with the divine.
It is common for meditation, like its Eastern counterpart, to also find a place of quiet and relaxation. Thomas Merton explored many of these Eastern strategies in an attempt to utilize some of the practices to meet Christian ends. This resulted in a mixed reactions from different circles of Christianity which saw some of the Eastern practices in themselves detrimental to Christian beliefs, while others saw the exercises as universal human ways to prepare the mind and body for spiritual realities. Such exercises as breathing seem to be neutral and safe when applied with Christian ends and they are supported by medical science as ways of initiating the parasympathetic nervous system. The key in Christian meditation is not to escape the body or become divine but instead to commune with God. Quiet places, relaxed mindsets, and guided prayer can lead someone within the Christian tradition to these realities. It is important that meditation is based on Christ and guided through Christ and opened to the Holy Spirit.
While there is a lot of physical and physiological benefits of Eastern techniques to prepare the body for meditation, the Christian tradition has numerous techniques to excite the soul and prepare the mind for communication with God. St Ignatius Loyola in his Spiritual Exercises encourages individuals to focus on the life of Christ and to choose events within it found in Scripture. He invites one to activate the senses of sight, taste, smell, touch and hearing in all meditations. He opens with preludes of thoughts to imagine about Christ. He then presents one’s imagination to create within in the mind the entire set of the story itself. From the weather, to the buildings, to the sounds of the time, to the actual touch of the ground itself. He asks one to imagine in various preludes Our Lord teaching, or preaching, or healing and imagine oneself as a bystander watching and even maybe interacting. Afterwards, one can even engage Christ in this meditation and it can develop more into a mental prayer of discourse. Since Jesus is also divine, He senses our prayers and questions throughout history to that very moment. So one can speak to Him there, or in one’s own present monologue. This echo of prayer through time is possible because Christ is divine and not subject to temporal time itself.
So, far we have only spoken of prayers that are actualized through oneself. These prayers are invoked by oneself and initiated by oneself to God. God’s response can at times be overwhelming via consolations or one may simply feel peace. Other times, one may fall asleep to the peace of God. These are all from the sensory standpoint, natural in sensation. They do not encompass supernatural overtones beyond the norms of supernatural and natural connection. St Teresa of Avila compares this type of active recollection with the analogy of water. Water representing the source of grace and God Himself is felt in prayer but through active recollection it is sought and migrated. St Teresa compares it to a aqueduct that transports water from the source. The water is artificially transported through manual intent but it arrives nonetheless, but there is a difference between experiencing the source as is without effort. In this type of prayer, Avila refers to passive recollection and also the Prayer of the Quiet. In this, God for His own purposes or designs, chooses freely to give this grace and gift to a soul through no effort on its own. A stunning grace or consolation may appear to the soul where the soul finds the peace of God in its genuine form without effort. In this, Avila states the soul should merely be receptive and thankful for such an act of love. It illustrates that the soul is removing many of its blinders and has opened itself to such divine favors.
This, however, remains a natural within physical ramifications. Avila points out that there are beyond more intense and higher forms of prayer and religious experience that are far more mystical and wonderous for the soul. She points out the Prayer of Union is a type of prayer that again is passive and mystical where God elevates the soul to such a state of happiness with His presence that the body loses consciousness and the soul is free of the bodily senses. Only the presence of God endures. This can last for few minutes to even longer periods of time. This gift from the Creator to the soul is an extreme gift of insight and love for a soul that has opened its will to God. As one becomes closer to God, the mystical experiences become more intense but so does the crosses and sufferings of life. Avila points out that with such gifts comes a greater longing to be with God and a more willingness to suffer for Him.
Issues in Prayer Life
Early Phases
Prayer at is basic level captures the act of worship but so many times it is seen as a choir or requirement. It becomes a checklist of things that need done in a given day. Many beautiful prayers become repetitious mantras instead of meaningful conversation with God. Prayer also becomes a time of need. When something bad occurs, individuals run to God with sometimes necessary concerns but also trifle things. Of course, one should not dismiss the return to God in dire times. This shows acknowledgement of God and His power, but it also portrays a selfish spiritual life and one that neglects a living relationship with God. Also, one can see prayer as a contract instead of a covenant. Individuals believe prayers that if not answered mean God does not care, or they did not pray well enough, or that God is not a God of love. Instead, prayer should be one of covenant where the soul walks with God through tribulations and joys alike, seeking resolution but also accepting the cross and the graces needed to endure it. Prayer is then not a magic cheat code or mantra but a communication with God that is about relationship and covenant due to not only justice but also love itself. It is not something performed ritualistic becomes one has to do it, or because one needs something, but it is the life source of the soul in daily communication with the Creator and Father.
Those on the peripheries of spiritual development have such illusions of prayer. They are easily distracted by lies of the world. They are hypnotized by occasions of sin, the needs of the flesh, and noises of secular concern. Their prayer life is superficial at best. For many, their faith is cultural identity. One attends service or Mass on Sunday out of ritual and culture, not so much an act of love to God. Some may not even attend regularly but only during holidays! Prayers to them are in times of need or random acts of clarity that fade with new physical distractions. Are these individuals evil? By no means! Many are good people but they are not directed to the higher priorities. They may very well believe in God and the commandments but they have become stuck in the mud and progress in spiritual life has become stagnant. Still, God has a way of shaking the soul and calling it to Him. Spiritual Advisors and directors can help highlight this awakening and guide individuals from naive and spiritual immature assumptions about God and prayer and use these incidents as a way to cultivate a true relationship with God.
The soul that ventures into true prayer life still faces numerous issues. The calls of the world are strong still. Occasions of sin, old habits, and temporal desires still remain strong. The devil does not release souls so easy. The soul will be tempted and turned back to the noise but progress is key. Encouragement, patience, and goals remain essential for this soul. Much like a physical trainer, the spiritual director must expect setbacks. Those who begin to train physically or diet have many set backs. It is hard to retrain mindsets and replace old habits with positive coping. Like addition, or bad diet, the brain has numerous neuro pathways that are set for default in times of stress, trauma, or triggers. So, the soul that is experiencing new prayer and spiritual renewal faces the tugs of the world and bad habits. These triggers should be expected. Within training of the soul, goals should be realistic in prayer life, encouragement frequent, and progress modest but continual. Setbacks should not be seen with despair but as opportunity to make better. In this delicate early phase, the soul teeters back and forth between the cold lies of the world and warm truth of God. Through grace, guidance and continual effort, new habits can be formed, virtues can replace vices, and a deeper understanding of prayer can ensure for the soul.
Later Phases and Complications
As anyone becomes more skilled in a process or shows progress, one naturally becomes proud of ones success. In a diet, one becomes more confident and happy with how one looks as weight goals manifest in better clothing fits and reflections in the mirror. As someone progresses in weight room training, one becomes more enamored with one’s growing physique and muscular definition. In itself, this is not bad. Self esteem and self concept is key in psychology and counseling for a healthy emotional self. However, like so many times in psychology, subjective image and happiness can be the only goal for self satisfaction. It is crucial to balance one’s own pride in improvement with humility and concern for others. It needs to be evaluated not only in one’s own success but also in honoring the body that God has given as a temple of the Holy Spirit. So both are important. One should find sense of pride in improvement but not inherit the vice of pride in character. This can be a tricky balancing act and is even more tricky in spiritual prayer life.
As the soul becomes more focused on God and more conscious of not offending Him, it can sometimes see itself as “better” than others, or even esteem itself. This contradicts the gift of grace. One works through faith, but one does not earn merit without the grace of the Holy Spirit gained by Christ at the cross. Humility is key to maintain in this phase of spiritual development. St Vincent De Paul emphasized the power of humility. He pointed out that humility is something the devil cannot comprehend nor defend himself against. This is why Mary was such a powerful adversary to him. Her humility despite her grace stifled him and rebuked his very existence. Christ teaches as well that the first shall be last and the last shall be first in heaven. Humility is hence crucial when making gains. As Mary declared to Gabriel, “my soul magnifies the Lord”. One must then as one becomes more proficient in the habit of virtue, its cultivation and prayer life, reflect all glory and good to God. These are the fruits of the Holy Spirit flowering within the soul allowing God’s inner presence of it to manifest, not the works of a broken nature.
Another later complication within prayer life includes the times of aridity or lack the emotional presences and joys experienced in prayer life. Avila emphasized that not all prayer life is full of consolations, feelings of peace and joy, but many times, an aridity emerges, where the soul may not feel God’s presence. Instead the soul feels as if the prayers are not heard, or as if the prayers are not good enough, or if the person is unworthy of God’s love. This possible turn to despair or even return to physical distractions can attempts of the devil to test the soul. It can also be a trial granted by God to teach the soul its needed humility and also purpose. Yes, as children one should expect parental graces all the time, but one must also look at God as Creator and oneself as sinner. To pray to receive consolations and good feelings, denies the very nature of justice and adoration to God for the sole purpose of His glory. In love, one loves not for return, but for the very nature of the object itself. Aridity teaches the soul to love without return, to humble itself before God, and to help it acknowledge how precious the presence of God is and how terrible sin separates the soul from God.
Spiritual Directors can play a steadying force for souls who deal with aridity. They can emphasize humility but also obedience to God’s will. Many souls at this relationship level with God still are very connected to the world. In fact, most of us are! We have temporal needs and duties, but sometimes these temporal needs and duties can complicate a relationship with God when they become disordered or not properly prioritized. Uniting one’s will with God realizes that prayer is a covenant and not only the consolations and blessings are part of the divine plan, but also one’s aridity, sufferings and crosses are also part of God’s will. Christ told His followers, to take up their cross and to follow Him. He accepted the Father’s will unto death in the garden. Souls are expected no less to unite their wills with God and to carry their crosses. In becoming closer to God, one must then find humility, obedience and acceptance of God’s will and understand that suffering and love of God is what matters most.
For Avila, life involved a convent, but for many individuals life involves a busy world where contemplation is not always an option. Individuals can become distracted by deadlines, work schedules, family drama or emergencies, or basic temporal cares of the body. Christ Himself lived such a life for 30 years. He worked as a carpenter under St Joseph’s guidance. He helped support His mother, Mary, and they dealt with daily struggles of debts, choirs and finding food on the table. So how can a person advance spiritually in prayer, contemplation, and communion with God in a world that is so noisy at best, and at worst, tied to numerous occasions of sins, or as Avila describes “small reptile” scurrying along the floor?
First and foremost, everything ties in prayer to uniting one’s will to God. As Christ said in the garden, “Let thy will be done”. This was a difficult thing considering within the prayer, Christ asked for the cup of death to be passed on but He submitted. Individuals too must submit their will despite their requests and by uniting one’s will, God’s plan unfolds. Whatever state of being one is in, when one finally surrenders to God, things begin to fall into motion. One may very well be surprised as well to see certain aspects of one’s life vocation fall into place into a greater plan as well with other pieces of the puzzle coming together.
Through submission of one’s will, the day becomes God’s day. One then is open to offer up these daily tasks which can become distractions into living prayers. Scripture teaches one to unite one’s sufferings and cross to Christ. When one unites one’s temporal duties to God, they become spiritual prayers. St Theresa the Little Flower, not to be confused with Avila, offered the most simple duties to God, such as sweeping the floor. While many individuals feel the need to do great penances (which is good), many forget the little things. The little things are not in one’s control. The little things are imposed and are not chosen. When they are offered to God, they become a prayer. Whether it is working a late shift, enduring a manager’s criticism, or doing the laundry when tired, the little things when given to Christ and shared in His passion, become not works of personal merit, but works of grace through Christ. Daily offerings give each day, every joy, success, trial, tribulation or cross to Christ in advance and turn what would normally be a daily distraction into daily prayer. It formulates humility, obedience, and keeps oneself focused on God. Spiritual Directors should advocate within their spiritual children the necessity of the Daily Offering in all prayer life.
Prayer Cultivates Many Things
We discussed how critical prayer is to the life force of the soul. It is in injection of God’s grace into the soul. While it is only one of the many elements of communication with God and how grace is afforded to the soul, primarily actual graces, it serves as a function as critical as breathing in everyday life. While other life giving graces are gained at Baptism and other spiritually nutritional graces granted for different sacramental needs such as in reconciliation, or Eucharist, daily prayer is the constant breathing and cycling of those graces throughout the self. Through constant prayer, one’s primary end is always in sight. It maintains that focus and spiritual exercise to keep the spiritual faculties sharp. It helps cultivate virtues in daily life and directs the soul towards higher things. It keeps the soul on the righteous road avoiding sideshows and distractions that can lead to spiritual ruin. When the soul is contact with God, it is able to see more clearly, act more purely, and perform its duties more perfectly. Like making one’s bed in the morning, it sets the standard for the day. Prayer organizes the soul and attunes it, so as to enable rest of the mind’s faculties to become more focused and aligned with the winds and storms of the day. When one is spiritual set, one becomes mentally set.
With so many spiritual benefits that pour into one’s daily life, one cannot dismiss the necessity of prayer. A new cultural phrase has emerges, as seen with Mark Wahlberg- He asks the question “Are you prayed up?” Like food for the body, make sure the answer is always yes!
Conclusion
We have reviewed what prayer is, its aim, types of prayers and issues involving spiritual progression at early and later phases. We have sought direction through the teachings of Christ Himself, Scripture, and the value of mystical saints who elevated their prayer life with constant devotion to Christ and faith in the Holy Spirit. Spiritual Directors can help souls find prayer, maintain it, and set realistic goals in prayer life. However it is important to note that the battle for spiritual life is one tied to mental issues, as well as physical issues. Bad habits, traumas, occasions of sins, and old ways of thinking can become roadblocks. Even later in spiritual life, the devil can turn confidence to pride. So one must forever remain humble and obedient to God’s will and remain dependent on God’s grace. This is not about our prayers but how God transforms our imperfect communication into something beautiful through His grace.
Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification, as well as Spiritual Direction Program.
Additional Blogs
Spiritual Suffering. Access here
Spiritual Vocation. Access here
Early Issues in Spiritual Direction. Access here
References
St Teresa of Avila. Interior Castle
St Ignatius of Loyola. Spiritual Exercises
Additional Resources
Mulcahy, T. “THE SOUL’S JOURNEY TO GOD: A CONCISE SUMMARY OF SAINT TERESA OF AVILA’S INTERIOR CASTLE”. Catholic Strength. Access here
Ways to Build a Stronger Prayer Life. Bible Hub. Access here
A Life Of Prayer (What It Is and How To Actually Do It). (2024). Daily Effective Prayer. Access here