Some individuals while coping through grief deal with difficulties in overcoming the grief due to various thoughts that surround the death or incident. Trying to escape these thoughts can become exhausting emotionally. Whats Your Grief refers to these as stuck points, when someone is unable to move past a certain aspect of the loss.
Usually these points challenge pre-conceived notions or values. The loss makes the griever doubt these notions and prevents them from moving forward but keeps them constantly stuck, re-tracking and falling prey to those thoughts. This is very detrimental to the grieving process and coping
PTSD and other problems can make individuals stuck in grief due to thoughts that prevent coping and advancement in the grief process
The article, “What are Stuck Points in Grief?” from Whats Your Grief states,
“Stuck points refer to thoughts that repeatedly bubble up in a person’s inner (and outer) dialogue that make it difficult for a person to process, cope with, or reconcile their experiences. To me, stuck points are like mean old trolls living under a bridge. Whenever a person tries to gain some momentum in working through their experiences, the troll comes up and says “Nope, you can’t pass. Now go back and think about what’s happened.”
Another type of stuck point is a religious view some may contend with. Many pray to God for cures or good things to occur. The problem is sometimes that cure does not occur. Bad things do happen to good people.
This can create a complex within someone that creates a religious paradigm within the individual. While coping with grief and loss, they may constantly turn back to “Why did God do this to me?” or “Were not my prayers good enough?”
In addition to this, others may begin to see their loss in a form of religious struggle. If God is good how can he allow this evil? Or if God is good, then he must not be All Powerful to allow this evil?
These spiritual dilemmas are a result of primitive understanding of faith. First, prayer is not contract. When prayer is seen as contract, it fails to meet the relationship that exists. A covenant of mutual care not necessarily answers that we demand if we do this or that.
Second, God is All Powerful and All Good, but he has given free will to others. This permits evil. One can also not see the over all view of existence within our temporal realm.
Loss can challenge preconceived notions of life and the universe, as well as previously held religious and spiritual beliefs. This can cause intense anxiety during the grief process
The article also does a good job at looking at other world views that are not religious. The ideal of the world being a safe place when violence occurs to a loved one can have long lingering effects.
Grief is difficult enough to deal with. Coping with a loss can be difficult but when certain ideas regarding that loss start to affect one’s coping and emotions, then they need to be analyzed and understood. As the article states, one should document in a diary how common these thoughts are and relate them to reason as opposed to emotion. If necessary, talk about these thoughts and try to get passed them.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling, then please review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
The program is a home study program. It is online and self paced. As an independent study program you go at your own pace. After completing the required four courses, you can proceed to apply for certification. Certification is four years and can be renewed as needed.
Spirituality is very lacking in the modern world. Excess narcissistic behaviors and materialism are abound. Spirituality is key in leveling one’s child and balancing him or her to the true reality. A healthy balance is important. The child needs to understand what is most important.
Do we meet also our child’s spiritual needs in life? Please review our Spiritual as well as Christian Spiritual Counseling Programs and see if they meet your needs
The article, “7 Ways Parents Can Help Foster Healthy Spirituality with Their Child” by Lindsay Elizabeth discusses how to instill spirituality in our children. She states,
“Parents spend time, money, and effort to make sure that their children are brought up to the best of their abilities, but, as a society, are we lacking the influence of spirituality in their young lives?”
Please also review both our Spiritual as well as Christian Spiritual Counseling Programs and see if they match your academic, spiritual and professional needs. In the meantime, realize that part of parenting is instilling good morals and spiritual values in our children. Neglect of a child spiritually is as negligent as any other temporal need.
When our dogs are sad, we are sad. Dogs are family and when a dog is not feeling well or is grieving the loss of another person or pet, then we naturally want to comfort our dog. Dogs display emotion and sadness in different ways and we need to identify that grief and also be able to spark joy into their lives again.
What should you do when your dog is grieving? Please also review our Pet Loss Grief Counseling training and see if it meets your needs
The article, “How to help a dog who is grieving the loss of a loved one” by Lisa Walden states,
“Dogs experiencing a loss can show signs of confusion, fear or depression. If it’s the loss of their owner, you may notice dogs trying to figure out where that person has gone. If it’s another pet who has passed away, your dog may spend more time in their bed or favorite places, often with the hope that their friend may return.”
Interesting article below that looks at ADHD and how it can also appear as depression. This type of manifestation is different and can lead to false diagnosis of an individual.
Untreated ADHD can cause hardache and various mental issues. Please review our ADHD Consulting Program
Please also review our ADHD Consulting Program and see if the training offered meets your academic and professional goals in helping those with ADHD.
Grief can become a difficult thing in life. It can scar one forever but it can also take control of life if one is unable to properly cope with its elements. Learning to embrace grief and what comes with it is the best strategy instead of trying to avoid it and not express. Repression creates a bigger grief monster.
Coping with grief and finally finding joy in what was once is a difficult step in recovery. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Taming the Grief Monster” by Linda Zelik looks at when the joy of possessing what was lost eventually overtakes the pain of losing it. In particular the tragic loss of a child. She states,
“Traversing this path of profound grief may be the most difficult thing you ever face in life. Unfortunately, there are no magic wands or quick fixes. How could there be? A parent’s love for their child is total and unconditional, unlike any other kind of love. Even if we didn’t always like their actions or choices, our children held our love and it never wavered.”
Roughly four million American adults experience panic attacks, according to the National Institutes of Mental Health. While therapy, medication, a good diet and plenty of exercise are commonly prescribed for panic disorders, meditation is often overlooked. But it shouldn’t be. Filtering one’s thoughts can prevent, or stop, panic attacks just as effectively as any other technique. Although there are a few ways to meditate the panic away, mindfulness is especially effective for panic disorders that are enabled by contemporary culture.
Mindfulness Meditation
This type of meditation emphasizes the non-judgmental awareness of one’s thoughts as they arise. It also directs your awareness to the present rather than the future. Since panic attacks are generally caused by an overwhelming fear of a hypothetical future, mindfulness can be incredibly beneficial in such situations. When the feeling of panic strikes, people who have learned mindfulness techniques can investigate the panic, decide that it’s not worth being stressed about, take deep breaths to relieve the physical discomfort that accompanies a panic attack, and focus on their breathing to release negative thoughts and ground themselves in the moment. Mindfulness masters like Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn can literally visualize the negative thoughts coming and going away, thus freeing themselves of suffering. Once this practice has been repeated and mastered, they will have control over the panic disorder, rather than the panic disorder controlling them.
The Cultural Cause
While there are countless causes for panic disorders, many experts agree that social media can exacerbate the anxiety symptoms that lead to panic attacks. This means that the cultural component of panic may be larger than in previous generations. People who use Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat may be susceptible to feelings of inadequacy, dissatisfaction and paranoia: inadequacy because they compare their lives to those of the more affluent social media users; dissatisfaction because social media highlights events that they wish they could have been a part of; and paranoia because social media is a sensationalized version of the news. Since children devote a larger portion of their lives to social media than adults (2 hours 55 minutes a day for Gen Z versus 2 hours for Gen X, according to Global Web Index), they are more at risk of these social-media inspired cognitive distortions. To curb these feelings before they conspire for an all-out attack, both children and adult social media users should engage in mindfulness. In fact, meditation sessions can be a family affair. Parents can introduce mindfulness techniques to their children: members of a generation that is, according to the APA Stress in America survey, 12 percent more likely to report poor mental health than the generation that came before.
Living A Panic-Free Life
Once meditation has been incorporated into an individual’s self-care routine, there is no limit to what he or she can accomplish. Think of mindfulness as a superpower that is activated whenever its host is feeling mentally unwell. Meditation doesn’t only work on panic attacks, but on anxiety, depression, addiction and everyday stress and sadness. This person is then able to thwart negative thoughts of any kind with rationalization, deep breathing, and moment-by-moment awareness.
Although panic disorders are most often associated with adults, they can be experience by anyone, especially if they are entrenched in social media. While social media is not the sole cause of generational anxiety, it’s definitely an enabler. Luckily, mindfulness exists as a counterbalance.
Losing a pet is not a minor thing in life. A cat, dog, or horse is a long term companion. To some, the pet is even family. Learning to live without the pet is something harder to do than other people may imagine.
Losing a dog is like losing a family member to many. Please also review our Pet Loss Grief Counseling Program
Please also review our Pet Loss Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals
Good article for parents regarding ADHD medications. Parents and doctors work with trial and error to see what type of medication, dose and times to give the child the needed amounts. This can take time but ultimately can lead to a better result for the child.
Finding the right medication and dose is key to helping your child with ADHD treatment
The article, “How to Troubleshoot Your ADHD Medications” by Thomas Brown, Ph.D, takes a closer look at this process of finding medication is best for the child. He states,
“ADHD medication helps the vast majority of patients, but no one can predict which type, formulation, dosage, or timing for taking the medicine will best control symptoms for any individual. Trial and error is the key to finding out. Here’s the best way to approach it.”
Grief is difficult but it becomes more difficult with the holidays. Holidays can remind us of times spent and re-open wounds of loss. This is why Christmas or Thanksgiving can be so difficult to navigate for those dealing with a loss, especially a recent loss.
Grief can be more difficult during the holidays because it reminds us of the past Please also review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic needs
The article, “Navigating the Holidays with Grief” by Laura Wade looks at the particulars of dealing with grief during the holidays and how to better cope and deal with loss. She states,
Holidays are typically considered happy times celebrating with family and friends. However, when someone has experienced a loss, the holidays can magnify the feelings associated with grief such as sadness, anger, guilt or regret.
The ultimate loss for a child is the loss of a parent. Thousands of children lose their parents and are in dire need of care and counseling. Some children lose one parent, while others lose both and face even greater alterations in their life. Hence in addition to the initial tragic loss and shock, there are waves of other secondary losses that affect the child. They continue to burn into the heart of the child and without care, can become emotional scars that never heal.
One must look at this type of loss from numerous angles. While the loss itself is terrible, there are numerous subjective elements to consider. Age is one of these things. The age of the child and the child’s comprehension of the loss play a key role. The younger the child is, the least traumatic the loss will be, while the older the child, the more the loss will affect them. Memories will be more numerous and the sting of the loss will take my adjustment. Depending on the child’s reasoning capabilities, some younger children with memories may even blame themselves with imaginary thinking that they may have caused their parent or parents’ death. This is why it is so key to discuss the loss in relation to the child’s age and their mental capability.
Children at different ages face different challenges when losing a parent. Ultimately the loss is forever for any age but how it is experienced can differ
In this particular case, we will imagine a little girl, named Kelly, who lost her mother at age 9. This will allow us to focus more on a case study and what to expect. At the age of 9, Kelly will have definitive memories and also a traumatic break from her mother. It is important to allow her to grieve this initial loss. It is very important to understand her thinking regarding the loss. At age 9, she understands the finality of death. One does not need to speak in analogy, but it is important to be very cautious in explaining the spirituality of death. Some children will not understand why God or heaven took their mother. Hence, it is very important to use very concrete language that explains the loss. One can illustrate that mother is in heaven, but to articulate that God wanted mommy in heaven, or other such language should be avoided.
It is also important to illustrate to Kelly that the loss of her mother is not her fault. Some children will associate wishful or imaginary thinking as having true power. For instance, if a child was angry at a parent and exclaimed or thought something horrible happening to a parent, they will then associate their thought with the actual event even though they do not tie together. It is important to dispel such imaginary thinking to avoid future guilt complexes in the child.
In regards to Kelly, it is also crucial to ensure her wishes to participate in funeral rites are respected. Many individuals look to shield a child from the loss of a parent. They prevent the child from attending the funeral. It is crucial for the child to participate to her comfort level in the funeral rites. The finality is critical and the support received is equally critical. Kelly will need to be able to say goodbye to her mother and also share in the social grief with family. She needs to see that tears are important and that grieving is important.
Following this initial loss, she will grieve. She will continue to grieve. She will need her father and family to comfort her. There will be things no-one can ever replace that mommy did. As time proceeds, she should be encouraged to remember her mother and remember her life. She can frame special pictures or create small shrines to her mother. These are all important steps in adjusting to the loss over time. These steps do not come quick though and require time.
The loss will never truly ever leave. There will be reactions of anger and frustration towards others. There will be days worst than others. Birthdays and holidays will sting. Life events will always haunt her as other girls have their mother for prom, wedding day or the birth of a child. The loss can be reborn in small but yet still painful ways via events.
Ultimately, the loss will always be tragic but the key is to help Kelly adjust to the loss in a healthy way and continue her life and share the love of her mother with others through memories and stories.
The same holds true for an older child. A teenage girl can suffer as well. The memories are stronger and more numerous as the child ages. There is more than just a faint memory of not having a “mother” at a life event, but the one visually sees their mother herself. The sting will be more current because the person is older. As a teenager, the loss of a parent can trigger also other multiple issues with drinking and other bad behaviors. Teens have a difficult time due to the many changes already occuring in their lives. The transition can be very difficult and a loss can totally send a life into a tail spin.
Teenagers face challenges when losing parents or a parent. Teens need special counseling when a parent dies
Take for instance Judy, who lost her mother at age 15. With high school, becoming a woman, and dating boys, the need of a mother figure and losing her can be devastating for Judy. Judy could possibly go into a deep depression if her emotional needs are not met. In addition, she may exhibit a different type of guilt. She may have fought with her mother or at times not appreciated all her mother did for her. This can create a stinging type of guilt in her soul.
In addition, she may become resentful to her mother for leaving her, or resentful to her father, especially if a few years later he dates. She could become very angry towards any attempts to have her mother replaced. Furthermore as she experiences more life events, the fresh face of her mother will haunt her more than Kelly, who at age ten may have only distant vague memories.
So we have a multitude of scenarios. We can experience the loss from the eyes of a 9 year old in Kelly, or even through the eyes of Judy a 15 yr old teen. Then others may never know their parents. Their mother or father may pass while they are babies and never have the experience to know their parents. The loss of never knowing or meeting their parent may exhibit a type of grief of never having or possessing them in their lives.
So while numerous scenarios can exist in the loss of a parent, there remains one universal loss. The loss of a parent is pivotal to the very existence of any child at any age. In some way, the loss of a parent takes away a fundamental element of growing up and becoming an adult. Even as an adult, the loss can still sting as adults mourn the lack of their parents in their own children’s lives.
The loss of a parent is forever but in time one can learn to remember in healthy ways. Please also review our Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Program
While children and adult children will eventually adapt to life without their parent or parents, the loss still always haunts. It will never be the same but the love can still be remembered. Through memories, story telling and sharing, the life of a parent can still shine for others. Legacies can be pushed forward and shared. Values or ideals can be instilled in others. While the loss is forever, the bond and love between parent and child is forever–and that can never die.
