Grief Counseling Training Program Article on Marriage and Losing a Child

Losing a child is devastating at any age.  It can ruin lives and also a marriage as both overcome the grief in their own way.  Sometimes it can become toxic. This article looks at the troubles that may emerge and how to keep the union together.

The article,” Keeping A Marriage Alive After The Loss Of A Child “, states

“The most challenged relationship surrounding the death of a child is the union of the two people that created that child.

No one is prepared for the assault the loss of a child can have on a family, and most of all on a marriage.”

To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review our Grief Counseling Training Program

Grief Counseling Topics: Near Death Experiences (NDE)

Grief Counseling: An Indepth Overview of Near-Death Experiences (NDE)

With the advent of New Age, spiritual awakening has become the societal norm, with more and more cultures embracing the concept of alternative consciousness, in a bid to attain enlightenment and personal growth. One common spiritual phenomena reported widely since the last few decades is near death experience (NDE).

 

What Exactly Is a NDE?

A near death experience, abbreviated as NDE is a transcendental experience unique to an individual, which typically takes place just after a near brush with death. In a near-death episode, the person is either in coma( clinically dead), or feeling threatened in a situation where death is quite likely. These circumstances may include a serious injury from a car accident, bullet shock, childbirth, murder/rape, or suicide attempt. During NDE, the individual experiences feelings of detachment from physical self, levitation, and encounter with spiritual, otherworldly entities. People in trance states or in abject grief have often reported experiences similar to NDEs, even though they were not near death.

 

Two Types of NDE

Any near-death experiencer commonly reports either of the two types of experiences. One is pleasurable, and the other is distressing. Pleasurable NDE involves feelings of bliss, joy, fulfillment and spiritual awareness. On the other hand, distressing NDE brings feelings of terror, isolation, confusion, guilt and horror. This type is experienced by a smaller group of NDErs. Regardless of their actual type, NDErs almost always report that the experience was even more realistic and vivid than earthly events.

 

The Four Stages of Pleasurable Near-Death Experience

The pleasurable type of NDE is characterized by four phases that occur in a precise order for each and every individual who report this phenomenon. That being said, it’s important to note each NDE is different. It can include a random combination of phases and the phases may occur in any order. Sometimes, people report having experienced overlapping phases that seem to occur simultaneously.

 

Here is a discussion of four common phases observed in an NDE:

1.) Detached phase: This is the first phase, wherein the individual experiences dissociation from their physical body. During this time, they leave the earth realm to transcend into the third dimension. They report feeling light, detached and devoid of the five senses that dominate physical existence. They sometimes describe an unbelievable sense of freedom from guilt, pain, misery and of total well-being.

 

2.) Naturalistic phase: In this phase, people report being gradually aware of their surroundings. They get a better understanding of the surrounding reality and also report looking down on their bodies. They see and hear things just like they do in their physical self, but the only difference is that the perceptions are unusually clear and realistic. They often say they acquired superhuman powers, such as being able to walk through walls, float around, see through people and even understand the unspoken thoughts of people nearby.

 

3.) Supernatural phase: In this phase, people report passing into a tunnel and meeting entities and being in environments that are not common to the physical reality. They often meet deceased loved ones, spirit guides or non-physical beings like helpers. Communication at this stage is at the mental level and there are no discernible physical features in the entities they meet, yet they seem to recognize them easily.

 

Following this loving encounter, people are apparently drawn to a beautiful, bright light that is difficult to describe. It is all-encompassing, unconditionally loving, welcoming and yet not overpowering to the eyes. It pulls the person like a gentle magnet and makes them feel drenched in the zenith of bliss. People then try to enter the light, only to be stopped by a powerful ‘being’ who warns them from crossing the light and coaxes them to return back to their physical bodies. At this moment, many people describe experiencing a life review, wherein they see themselves for who they are, and realize their flaws, talents and the mistakes they have made in life so far.

Sometimes, they also get access to divine knowledge and profound mysteries of the Universe. Many people come back with future predictions that eventually turn out to be true! The best thing about the life review is that it is presented to the person in the form of miniature motion pictures that allow them to observe everything from a detached perspective, so that the feelings of sorrow, regret, guilt and misery are all toned down to a negligible extent. If anything, people feel uplifted and energized.

 

4.) Return: As the name suggests, the individual returns to their physical self. Some NDErs report arguing their return with The Light; they refuse to continue with their life on the physical realm and wish to stay around in the peaceful glow of the third-dimension. However, they are jolted back to their bodies whether or not they choose to return. When they do want to return, it’s usually because of a connection with living people, or a heightened desire to mend persistent issues.

 

Characteristics of Distressing NDE

The following are some common features of a distressing NDE:

  • People report feeling powerless and non-existent. They feel as though as they are trapped in an eternal void with no one around.
  • Sometimes, they experience being amid evil, demon beings, frightening, otherworldly creatures and scary noises. Often, they report being transported to hideous landscapes, which is a stark contrast from the beautiful, welcoming environment described in a pleasurable NDE.
  • Few people have described feeling worthless and guilty during the life review stage. They feel negatively judged and insulted by the Higher Power.
  • In rare cases of distressing NDE, people report having given up fighting or escaping the harsh circumstances of the other reality and asking for help from the Higher Power. When they do so, their experience immediately morphs into a pleasurable NDE.
  • Then again, few NDErs have stated that their pleasurable experiences transformed into distressing ones.

 

How common are Near Death Experiences?

Thanks to medical advances, NDEs have been reported much more frequently in the last few decades. As public acceptance has increased, more and more people are willing to narrate their experiences. Depending on how rigidly NDE is described, studies have indicated that around 12-40% of people who have a close encounter with death later report having had an NDE.

Up to 200,000 Americans have claimed to have an NDE. According to a 2011 survey of 2000 people in Germany, around 4% had experienced an NDE. The 1992 Gallup poll by NDERF has stated that up to 774 individuals experience NDE in the United States alone. Reference link here.

Another 1982 Gallup poll revealed that among the 15% of Americans who reported an NDE, around 9% people had the typical out-of-body experience, 8% encountered spiritual entities, 11% said they entered a different dimension, and only 1% had disturbing experiences. These findings subsequently became published in “Adventures in Immortality” by the pollsters William Proctor and George Gallup Jr.

The possibility of having an NDE is independent of the person’s religion practice, economic background, life history, health status, sexuality and gender. Basically, it is an equal-opportunity phenomenon and it’s impossible to predict who will or won’t experience it, or whose NDE will be distressing or pleasurable.

 

How do near death experiences affect patients ?

Approximately 80% of NDErs claimed that their lives have been forever changed by what they experienced. In addition to returning with a profound spiritual outlook, as well as a renewed zest for life, people started observing psychological and physiological phenomena on a deeper scale. And this was true for teenagers, adults and child experiencers alike.
One common myth associated with NDE is that the experiencer has a heightened fear of death after the phenomenon. In fact, the result is just the opposite. NDErs lead a better quality of life, which is characterized by:

  • An improved ability to fight present circumstances and have a better understanding of why things happen the way they do.
  • A strengthened sense of self-confidence that arises from knowing one’s flaws and virtues. This feeling of true security provides bliss to the mind even in the face of utter chaos.
  • A lowered fascination for material possessions, as the person finally realizes that true happiness doesn’t lie in accumulating a certain percentage every month, chugging drinks at the local bar or buying a bigger house.
  • A higher than usual compassion, which extends to every being. NDErs have a deep-rooted gratitude for the little joys in life, and tend to forgive everything, as they finally understand the futility of chasing material comforts.
  • An unusual love for solitude and silence, as people don’t need to rely on false objects of security to quieten their inner feeling of guilt or misery.
  • Most importantly, people adopt a spiritual approach to life, as they know and believe that the spiritual realm is real and the material realm is a farce. This knowledge gives them a fresh perspective for all things in life, and they find it easier to cope up with daily hassles.

 

Has Medical Science Been Able to Explain Near Death Experiences?

According to 2011 study undertaken by Watt and Mobes at the University of Edinburgh, reference link here.

near death experience is not a spiritual phenomenon, rather it is a physiological process that can be biologically explained. For example, the typical feeling of floating during NDE arises from the trauma of having had a close encounter with death. This has been linked with brain regions like parietal cortex and prefrontal cortex, the latter being involved in delusional beliefs observed in schizophrenia. Although the exact reason behind the feeling remains unknown, one probable explanation is that the person is trying to come to terms with the trauma of death.

A variety of theories have been put forward by medical researchers to explain the argument of meeting deceased loved ones during NDE. Parkinson’s patients often hallucinate as a result of abnormal release of dopamine. In the same way, NDErs also undergo an abnormal release of another neurotransmitter, noradrenaline, which is mostly produced during trauma, and evokes the feeling of reliving moments from the present life, as well as auditory/visual hallucinations.

In 2003, The BBC reported a study by Dr. Sam Parnia at the University of Southampton which suggested the survival of consciousness even after clinical death (coma). This could be perceived as evidence of life after death.

A 2010 study of patients with a history of cardiac attacks revealed that there might be a link between seeing the gleaming orb of light during NDE and the level of carbon dioxide in blood. 11 out of 52 cardiac patients studied claimed to have an NDE. Researchers concluded that the excess CO2 in blood had a significant impact on vision, which ultimately caused them to perceive the tunnel and the brilliant light.

The most common obstacle to substantial research on NDE lies in analyzing them experimentally. After all, this is one phenomenon that is reported only after it’s over, and there are no real-time evidences to testify the same.

 

Ending Note…

All these scientific explanations raise several questions in our mind. If NDE is merely the outcome of our brain responding to trauma, why do the experiences follow a sequences that ultimately come down to the basic question of spirituality? Why do people report vivid events as if they occurred in precise order, despite being brain dead all the while? Why do they undergo a drastic and perennial transformation after returning back to their conscious state? And most importantly, how can a seemingly trivial, ‘biological phenomenon’ occur with equal probability for everyone, regardless of their medical history, mental health status, and so on?

Interestingly, advocates of near death experience confidently assert that this mystical phenomenon is not a casual by-product of the biological processes of the brain, rather it’s an actual life-changing event that is more realistic and empowering than anything they have ever experienced in the conscious state.

If you wish to learn more about Grief Counseling or Grief Counseling certifications then please visit our site. 

 

Hispanic Grief: Loss of a Homeland

Loss of Homeland: The Hispanic Experience of Loss, Grief, and Bereavement

One of the greatest losses a Hispanic immigrant experiences is the loss of their homeland. Ignoring this loss could have negative consequences on their adjustment to a new country and their assimilation into a new culture. My book, Counseling Hispanics through Loss, Grief, and Bereavement: A Guide for Mental Health Professionals, addresses this loss among others, and explores the Hispanic experience of grief, which is simply the response to any greatly perceived loss. If the professional counseling a client through the loss of homeland has never himself been away from his native country, he may lack the awareness or sensitivity to consider this kind of loss. To an immigrant, however, this loss can be debilitating, and can turn into grief. So, how can we, as mental health professionals, help such a client?

One of the best things to do when working with such clients is an assessment to better understand the context in which they feel this loss. These are some of the questions you may ask:

When did you arrive to the United States?

How do you feel when you think about your native country?

Do you have a support system?

The value of doing this assessment is that many times the Hispanic may not be aware that he or she is grieving. They may feel lack of motivation, feel an inability to adjust, or even say things such as, “I do not like this lifestyle,” “I miss my country so much,” or, “In my country, people….” The person may not realize this kind of thinking does not allow them to embrace their new life and feel grateful for a new opportunity. Instead of appreciating where they are and who they can become, they regret it and may perpetuate their inability to adjust to and ultimately find meaning in their new life.

In such cases, the goal is to help the client go through the grieving process, and then, to empower them to transform their loss into a growing experience. I remember a webinar I did based on my system of loss transformation, The Eleven Principles of Transformation™ (included in the book). Gisela, who was from Venezuela and one of the participants, stated she would never accept her new reality. Her life changed, however, when she learned to embrace her situation. This is an excerpt from Counseling Hispanics through Loss, Grief, and Bereavement:

[I]…coached her to accept her new circumstances. She had a very difficult time accepting the loss of her homeland because she thought emigrating meant she would lose her native country completely. When we discussed the fact that by accepting her living situation she was taking the first step in the transformation of her loss, she could see the bigger picture, reframe her perspective, and get involved in local Venezuelan organizations in Miami. She aims to write a book on her experience as an immigrant— transforming the “loss” of her beloved Venezuela (p.197).

As a mental health professional working with Hispanics, it helps to see their perspective, understand their story, and then work with clients to reframe their experience from challenge to opportunity.

Have you ever counseled a Hispanic who grieved the loss of their homeland? What was your experience?

I wish you a beautiful day!

Ligia/15

www.ligiahouben.com

info@ligiahouben.com

Grief Counseling Program Article on Losing a Child

After losing a child, the continuous grief can be something becomes a daily reality.  Although eventually adaptation to the pain emerges, one still experiences the pain.  It does not go away

The article, Grief at losing a child is ‘a continuous, daily thing’, Source; Derry Journal states

“A bereaved mother is encouraging Derry parents who have lost a child to come along to a support group meeting in the Mount Errigal Hotel in Letterkenny this Thursday. Anam Cara, is hosting the meeting from 7.30pm to 9.30pm. One member said the grief from losing a child is “a continuous, daily thing” but meeting up and talking about it if you want to, can help.”

To read the entire article, click here

Please also review the grief counseling program to learn more.  In the meantime please review the article below on losing a child.

Grief Counseling Certification Program Article on Loss and Christmas

Losing a family member to cancer can be horrible.  The loss itself can be taking place during Christmas and the Holidays.  During this time, the anticipation of loss and the fear of losing a loved one can mix with the emotion of Christmas time and family

The article, “Losing a Loved One to Cancer: How to Cope with Grief During the Holidays” by Jennifer Castoro states

“The holiday season is a time of joy and celebration, certainly. But for anyone who’s lost a loved one — whether within the year that past or many years ago — it can also bring a unique sadness.”

To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification Program

Grief Counseling Certification Article About Santa and Dying Boy

Sad Christmas article from TIME magazine.

In the meantime, remember many people feel great sadness during this time of year and not everyone experiences a merry Christmas.

The article, “Santa Claus Who Says Boy Died in His Arms Stands by Story Amid Doubts” by Melissa Chan states

“I tried to do a good deed. Now I am being made out to be a liar”

To read the entire article please click here

Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification to learn more about our program

Bereavement Counseling Training Article and Sad Holidays

Grief rarely takes a day off, and the holidays are no exception.  Grief can overtake a holiday and make it a very sad day

Please review our bereavement counseling training
Please review our bereavement counseling training

The article, “When grief takes a holiday” by Susan Shelly states

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year, except when it’s not.

The pervasive message during the holiday season is that we all should be merry and bright, just like the cheerful music and twinkling lights of the department stores we visit to find the perfect gifts for the people we love.”

To read the entire article, please click here
If you would like to learn more about bereavement counseling training, then please let us know

Bereavement Counseling Training Program Article on Grief and Introverts

Great article on grief and introverts.  In helping people deal with grief it is helpful to know what type of person they are.  This will tell us a great deal about who they are and how they may react to grief.  Introverts have special needs.  Certified grief counselors need to know how to help them.

The article, “Introverts And Grief” by Mark Liebenow states,

“I am really screwed now. My wife Evelyn has just died, and she was the one person I would trust to help me with grief. I’m not likely to share my emotions with anyone else, yet I know that if I don’t, I am going to be in big trouble.”

To review the entire article, please click here

Please also review our bereavement counseling training program

Grief Counseling Program Article about Words to the Bereaved

Sometimes the best words can hurt deeply when trying to help others.  This is why certified Grief Counselors need to know what to say to the bereaved.

Please also read the article, “3 Common Grief Sayings That Can Bring More Pain Than Comfort” by Rhone O’Neill states,

“If you have lost someone you love, you know that there are no guidelines or instructions on how to get through your grief.  You also know that people who try to support you will offer well known platitudes in an attempt to comfort you, but many of these comments do nothing more than confuse and hurt you.”

To read the entire article, please click here

Please also review our Grief Counseling Program to learn more.

Bereavement Counseling Training Article about Doctors and Bereavement

It is an added bonus these days when a doctor not only looks out for your physical well being but also your mental and emotional.  Understanding loss and grief is key for doctors in overall treatment of their patients. The article below covers some of these ideas.

The article, “Grief guidance: 6 ways pediatricians can support children, families after loss” by, David J. Schonfeld, M.D., FAAP states,

“The vast majority of children experience the death of a close family member or friend during childhood, and approximately one in 20 experiences the death of a parent.”

To read the full article please click here

Please also review our Bereavement Counseling Training