Christian Mystics Understood

Posted on November 3, 2023December 14, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

In a previous blog, we discussed the extraordinary reality of spiritual gifts in the Church, including discernment of them, as well as the fact healings and miracles still happen in the modern Church. While many seek out the extraordinary, the reality is God is always with us. In daily prayer, scripture meditation, the Eucharist, at service or mass, or when helping the poor and afflicted. Still, the human soul seeks out these extraordinary events or individuals, to maybe strengthen faith, look for verification, find a particular healing, or find deeper wisdom. Obviously again discernment is key. Above all, listening to the Church or Elders or those in ministry who warn against certain events or individuals.

Apparitions and mystics are considered private revelation. This means that any revelations, teachings, or prophesies that emerge are not part of the deposit of faith, or equal to that of Scripture or the teachings found in the Creed. While they may very well be from God and true, the weight of the message is not binding on all believers but merely, when approved by spiritual authorities, additional spiritual ideas.

Christian Mystics are private revelation but still have important messages. Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification

It is important to differentiate Christian mystics and holy apparitions from fortune tellers and the occult. Unlike the occult where powers are tied to Satan or unseen voices, Christian mystics receive their spiritual gifts from God. They are put forward as a service to the Church. They do not attempt to seek out but are freely given. They do not attempt to meet the dead or find voices but are freely met in Christian love between the Church Triumphant in Heaven to the Church Militant on earth.

In these experiences, the message is for the seer or is meant for a broader base of the Christian community. Hence some are for the spiritual advancement of the individual soul, while others are told to write and share their experiences for others. Some act in the title of prophet with warnings, while others may offer deeper spiritual insights into the realm of God.

St Teresa of Avila is very well known Catholic mystic and Doctor of the Church for her numerous insights into communion with God. Many of her private spiritual experiences were shared in the “Interior Castle”. She speaks of some extraordinary experiences with God that some souls are blessed with on earth. In all her writings, she reports that such experiences are gifts and never a sign of worthiness by the soul. The soul that finds itself so in love with God though is sometimes bestowed with additional blessings. St Teresa refers to this as spiritual ecstasy where the soul forgets itself and finds the most perfect union with God that is available while alive. In this state, the soul is fed the presence of God and seeks only perfect unification with Him. St Teresa refers to this in analogy as spiritual marriage. In these states, the mystic has been known to levitate or change appearance in the presence with God. The “Interior Castle” is a classic for all Christians, not just Catholics, seeking a closer union with God. St. Teresa outlines the relationship the soul seeks with God on this earth and its many challenges and stepping stones.

St Teresa of Avila is known for her famous work. “The Interior Castle”

Some mystics have also given more insight into the life of Christ, or have referred messages from Christ. St Margaret Mary detailed experiences in which she witnessed the appearance of Christ under the title “The Sacred Heart”. The message from Christ was His intense love for humanity but the pain of sin upon His Sacred Heart. St. Faustina also received communication from Christ as the Sacred Heart and was given the “Chaplet of Mercy” prayer where souls pray for forgiveness to Christ for reparation against sins committed against His Sacred Heart. In the prayer, the Christian repeats, “For the sake of His Sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world”.

Another classic work about the hidden life of Christ came from Sister Mary Agreda in her famous work, “The Mystical City of God”. In this, Agreda relates a series of visions between Christ and His mother regarding the life of Christ. There are numerous details that supplement the stories of Scripture giving more insight into the feeling of Christ. Nothing in the apparitions contradict Scripture or deny the events themselves. Another famous apparition, utilized in Mel Gibson’s, “The Passion of the Christ” also comes from a mystic known as Blessed Sister Anne Catherine Emmerich who received intense visions of Christ’s passion. The visions intensity discussed in far greater detail the brutality Christ endured at the cross and the role Satan played in the events of Christ’s torture and death.

Some mystics are also visionaries. Blessed Lucia, St. Francisco and St. Jacinta, who experienced apparitions of Mary in 1917 experienced her presence 6 separate times from May to October of that year. The events were culminated with the famous miracle of the sun, where thousands witnessed the dancing of the sun in the sky. Eye witnesses accounted different visions, some seeing the sun dance, others seeing the face of Christ in the sun, and others seeing the sun fly towards the earth. Ultimately a very wet and dreary day became totally dry as if drought had existed prior, according to eye witnesses. The message was to pray for reparation for the sins committed against Christ through the rosary. If not, Mary warned the rise of Russia and great wars to follow. There are other numerous apparitions throughout the 2000 history of the Church, including Guadalupe in Mexico as well as Lourdes in France.

Other mystics manifest extraordinary signs and wonders. St Padre Pio manifested the stigmata, where the wounds of Christ appeared on his hands. St. Francis of Assisi also exhibited this type of spiritual martyrdom. What makes Padre Pio’s wounds so more interesting is because he lived in the mid 20th Century and unlike St Francis of the 13th Century, Padre Pio’s wounds were documented, photographed and empirically analyzed. While this type of manifestation is rare, it has occurred throughout the history of the Church. In addition, according to sources, Padre Pio was able to be in other places, read thoughts of others, and constantly engaged in spiritual battle with the evil one that sometimes included physical beatings.

In SC600, the text book on Christian Mystics includes many of these saints but is far more comprehensive also including Christian mystics from other traditions. Ultimately, it is important to remember that Christian mystics are supplemental and not necessary to one’s core relationship with Jesus Christ. They are considered private and not official teaching of the faith. It is extremely important to cautiously approach any mystic without official Church approval. St Ignatius Loyola taught extensively on discernment and discernment is key in any message that does not come from Scripture itself. While many of these visions and messages may be true, other charlatans play on the weakness of others, or worst yet, are manipulated by the evil one.

As Christians, we are not called to go looking for supernatural and extraordinary messages. Scripture is very clear to avoid spiritualists and fortune tellers. Instead, we are to live our life in prayer and love of Christ, accepting His will and crosses. But when pain occurs, so many times, individuals look for something tangible they can touch. Instead of merely opening the Bible or praying in Church, they seek out the extraordinary to find proof, or a message. This can lead to an obsession that the devil can easily use against oneself. While it is fine for pilgrims to visit sacred sites, read about apparitions, explore approved miracles, it is important that they also realize that God is ever present in their lives if they just look inward. I personally feel, approved mystics and their messages are beautiful and strengthening to the faith, but they should never be our main spiritual meal. Our main spiritual meal should consist of prayer, scripture, and the Eucharist. Those things are the most important to our daily lives. The other approved mysteries through private revelation that God has revealed enhance our faith and strengthen existing ties, or bring non believers to the faith. If ones faith is “only” about seeking out supernatural events and not consisting primarily of daily prayer, then one needs to refocus on Christ and His message.

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification

Additional Resources

“13 Powerful Women Mystics Who Helped Shape Christianity”. Blumberg, A. (2015). Huffington Post. Access here

“Christian Mysticism Through History”. Learn Religions. Access here

“12 Interesting facts about St. Teresa of Avila”. Bosch, M. (2015). Aleteia. Access here

“What happened at the Miracle of Fátima?”. Silva, L. (2021). Portugual.com. Access here

Religious Decline and Why?

Posted on November 2, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

Declines in religious affiliation have been occurring for the last 75 years. Stronger close knit religious generations have weakened overall every preceding generation. Even by the standards of 1972, when over 90 percent of the nation considered itself Christian, it now only lingers around 60 percent according to a Pew Survey. The amazing decline is how in the modern day 30 percent of the population has drifted to atheistic, agnostic or unsure. This dramatic shift did not happen overnight but occurred over time and due to various abuses and secularistic ideals.

Dwindling Church attendance are all signs of a decline in faith and religion.

The article, “Losing their religion: why US churches are on the decline” by Adam Gabbatt looked at these statistics from the Pew Survey as well as others and found a steady decline in Christian Protestant Churches, as well as decline in attendance in both Catholic and Protestant Churches. He states,

“Churches are closing at rapid numbers in the US, researchers say, as congregations dwindle across the country and a younger generation of Americans abandon Christianity altogether – even as faith continues to dominate American politics. As the US adjusts to an increasingly non-religious population, thousands of churches are closing each year in the country – a figure that experts believe may have accelerated since the Covid-19 pandemic.”

“Losing their religion: why US churches are on the decline”. Gabbatt, A. (2023). The Guardian.

To read the entire article, please click here

Commentary

One can easily attribute the fall of Christianity in America to Satan. Of course, he is the mastermind and puppet master of every trick, but there are concrete reasons for the fall of religious participation in the United States that have indirectly led to this religious vacuum. Satan has his hand on it, but society has to also take responsibility.

Religious Sloth

Religious sloth is one of the primary problems that some do not even recognize. While grandparents attended Mass, church service or performed daily prayers in open sight of children, their children became more lax in emphasizing the religious teachings and obligations. This sloth has spread in many American families which has led to individuals with little knowledge of the faith, or desire to attend. Instead, many Christians do not have family experiences of consistent Sunday obligation or daily prayer. The young generation is not educated, nor told the importance of their faith. Instead they fall victim to other “isms” and social norms that take the place of the faith.

In addition, many families lack the same structure as in the past. Single family homes account for a growing number of Christian families. Through divorce, many single parent families lacked the structure or desire to ensure a child made it to service or mass. This accounted for more religious sloth in religious education and religious participation.

Dusty bibles and lack of prayer life are signs of religious sloth.

The Covid Pandemic damaged a weak existing Church-going base. With the closing of Churches for the pandemic, individuals without strong faith roots, acquired new habits of not attending. First, by simply watching a service on television, then gradually dismissing it all together. This also led to a poor spiritual life void of Scripture, prayer or God. The void created a vacuum for modern day social views and “isms”.

The Church first starts at home. With broken families, religious sloth, has weakened a generation from understanding the faith, defending it, and participating in the mysteries of it.

Various “Isms”

The last 75 years have created a religious vacuum, where Christianity and many organized religions have been replaced by other “isms” to replace humanity’s natural needs. Secularism and Materialism as always constant distractions to religion, gladly moved into the hearts and minds of the next generation. The new god was the world and the world offered more because the true God was no longer emphasized. With technology and new advances, individuals found secular life more exciting. With secular life came new social norms and values. Secular Humanism presented a new morality regarding life and death, sex and choice, and gender and personhood. These new radical ideas were not challenged but openly accepted. The ideas of Christianity were then considered biased, judgmental, hateful and wrong.

Religious Abuse and Extremism

The abuses within the Church added to the problem in this sharp decline. The Catholic Church’s sexual abuses weakened the image of the Church and its credibility. In Protestant Churches, sex scandals and financial scandals also rocked the faith of the youth. These abuses led many away from religion and into the hands of secularism.

Many have been turned away from the faith to extremist groups that enshrine themselves with political parties. An idea of a Christian Nationalist in America frightens many youth. Many of the political and social ideals do not match the next generation. While the Church should not change dogma for social approval, many non religious do not wish to align with religious ideas that do not align with contemporary social ideals. Many of those within religious organizations present an extremist view, as well as a hypocritical but still judgmental attitude. The alignment with religion with the “right” and any political party has helped isolate religion from many youth. Especially when, high ranking religious officials or politicians who claim religion show ill example in in public scandals. This still does not mean the Christian Churches must bow doctrine to social norms but it needs to exchange dialogue on issues of homosexuality, gay marriage, and abortion in a way that does not fall trap to hypocrisy, hate, or extremist views.

Spiritual but Not Religious

Many of the 30 percent who did not align themselves with any particular creed, or voiced uncertainty, have turned to spirituality. Within spirituality, individuals carve out their own religious beliefs and how they wish to speak with God. When spirituality is void of religion, the personal trek without an objective moral code, can lead one into many errors. One in essence can become a cafeteria Christian that creates and choose what rules one wishes to keep. Spirituality is key but when it is isolated from religion it becomes a faith of one. Likewise those who are religious but lack a spiritual life, are merely shells of the faith and usually utilize faith as a weapon or form of identity only.

A healthy faith is both religious and spiritual. Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification

Humanity is spiritual and most people thirst for spirituality and divine connection. With the religious extremism and abuse, coupled with the pandemic, and lack of family values within the church at its core level, the family, other spiritual options have appeared. These options many times allow individuals to match their faith with the social norms of the day and as well experiment with multiple religious ideals. New Age, Eastern religions, and other spiritual quests have driven people away from the Church due to its lack of presence and ability to combat the new “isms” and social norms of the day.

Church Reform

The Church needs to reform itself both in its Catholic and Protestant forms. Religious extremism and abuse need to be eradicated. The Church needs to offer real solutions but not from high pulpit but through example one person at a time. It needs to preach the message of Jesus without compromise to social norms, but with a authenticity, zeal, and intelligence. It needs to answer the scary questions but show that the Jesus’ way is one of love. It needs again to attract the youth to this mission. Exposing the lies of secularism and modern social norms can only be accomplished through a totally reformed Church that can clearly present the message of Christ. What Jesus has to offer is superior to any message today but somehow, somewhere, along the way, families stopped teaching it and those at the pulpit corrupted it. Reform and revitalization are key. The message of Christ can still excite the masses when it is properly utilized and presented. Christianity is not a nationalistic religion of the right, nor is it a judgmental and hateful creed, but one that adheres to the laws of Christ with love and compassion. I truly believe that if everyone truly properly understood the faith, participated in it, and experienced it, then the misconceptions, abuses, and hypocrisy that surrounds it would be dismissed.

Without Faith

While not proposing one law of morality over others in a pluralistic society, we still must acknowledge that religion and religion tied to family life increases civic and good moral behavior. While the atheist may blame religion for wars, the reality is wars would still exist, just another difference or secular doctrine would be used as an excuse. Religion has been misused many times for war, or by extremists to promote hate or division, but that does not mean religion is bad. Religious life is important, or at least a world code that ties one to some responsible duty to one’s neighbor. While faith is given to God, the by products it gives to one’s neighbor creates in a social contract.

Without faith, morality drops. The drop in the modern world of morality cannot be a coincidence with the drop of faith in the home.

Conclusion

If ever there was a need to restore the Christian Church in America, it is now. This does not only include reaching out to people and better presenting an option of why Christ and His laws are the way, but also by living by example. Christians need to set better examples and also present in a logically and non hateful way, why what the world offers is contrary to true happiness. Sometimes in dark hours, people return to God. With wars, famines and political divide, people may finally in the future start turning back to God. Till now, the numbers continue to dwindle.

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification. Christian Counselors and Pastoral Counselors can play a key role in education and guiding individuals in the faith. They can play a role in aiding the restoration of the faith in the modern world. AIHCP offers an online and independent study certification for qualified individuals seeking a four year certification in Christian Counseling.

Additional Resources

“Modeling the Future of Religion in America”. (2022). Pew Research Center. Access here

“Generation Z and the Future of Faith in America”. Cox, D. (2022). Survey Center on American Life. Access here

“The Great Decline: 60 years of religion in one graph”. RNS. Access here

“People everywhere believe society’s morals are in decline”. Wilcox, J. (2023). Science. Access here

Grief Counseling Human Development Video

Posted on November 1, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

As human beings, we reach certain points in social development that are key to a successful life. From a mere toddler to teenage years and from midlife to elderly days, we need to meet certain goals and points. Erick Erickson listed numerous points of achievement that need to be completed within the human life span. When these goals are not met, individuals regress or unable to find satisfaction in life.

Social development that is delayed can lead to future grief issues. Review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

This obviously has alot to do with individuals and their overall happiness or unhappiness in life. Many grieve a life that has not met one’s aspirations. This is due many times because individuals did not develop socially. They look back with sadness or inability to move forward. They have regrets and remain stagnant in life. Grief Counselors through an understanding of a person’s life narrative, can better address abstract grief in an individual and help diagnose where the grief is coming from by understanding a person’s life story.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.

Please review the video below

C.S Lewis and Grief

Posted on November 1, 2023November 2, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

C.S Lewis is a classical English writer of the 20th Century. His observations on grief are insightful as well intense as he documents the grief felt of losing the wife, H. Throughout, his work, “A Grief Observed” (originally published in 1961), the loss torments the writer as he proceeds through the various struggles of an English Christian husband who lost a wife. His struggle includes the intensity of the pain of the grief and its many adjectives and similes, as well as the outward feelings towards others, his past, his beliefs, his anger, his desolation, and finally his renewal. In it one sees the numerous phases and oscillations of the messy roadmap of mourning. It is not only an emotional journey, but also a philosophical one that questions pain and suffering and how it can co-exist with a good God. It captures the the progress and regression of how one laments one day but rejoices the next, curses another but venerates later. It is in essence a progression of grief that illustrates the despair, the anger, and ultimately the adjustment to the loss. It does not offer a true happy ending but an appeasement and contentment that naturally overtime proceeds from loss. One never truly heals from loss but learns to live without but with a sprinkle of hope.

Grief

C.S Lewis masterfully captures some of the raw emotion associated with intense and acute grief following loss. He states, “Noone ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning and swallowing” (Lewis, C.S, p. 1). He continues that it sometimes feels like “invisible blanket between the world and me” (Lewis, C.S. p. 1).

Lewis mentions the continual acute phases of grief that overtake him. He feels fatigue that prevents him from doing the littlest things, such as even shaving (Lewis, C.S. p.3). In the grief, he feels the shame of being seen by others in public. He comments how some wish to walk away, or others try to say the right thing or how an younger married couple may think that he is a symbol of their future (Lewis, C.S. p. 10-11). He also fears publics places he once ventured. He is afraid to return too soon to places where he and H. once shared good times. He compares it to as “sending a pilot up again as soon as possible after he’s had a crash” (Lewis, C.S. p. 11). He in particular takes offense to the good willed sayings of others within the congregation who remark that H. is now in God’s hands. This only frustrates him more, as he asks, if she is in God’s hands, how can it be any better, if she was in God’s hands on Earth and suffered? (Lewis, C.S. p. 27). This is an excellent example of how in grief counseling, individuals should not try to fix the bereaved but sojourn with them and acknowledge the pain instead of trying to lift it.

A great fear of most grievers is losing the memory of a beloved. Lewis is haunted by the fear of losing her memory. He states, “I have no photograph of her that’s any good. I cannot even see her face distinctly in my imagination” (Lewis, C.S. p. 15). Others tell him, she will live in your memory, but he laments that idea of living. He exclaims in fear and anguish, “What’s left? A corpse, a memory and (in some versions) a ghost? All mockeries or horrors. Three more ways of spelling the word dead” (Lewis, C.S. p. 20). He further revels in the fear of those who have finally come to peace with loss. He remarks how he cannot envision how a man with a hoe and watering pot visiting the churchyard, happily exclaimed it was time to visit “mum”. Lewis remarks, “A six-by-three foot flower-bed has become mum” (Lewis, C.S. p.21). Yet, Lewis is not yet at the point to understand the continuation of bonds. The pain is still too raw, too soon, and too painful.

Wishing to see her again also, sways him back from grief to guilt. He wishes to see her but then sees this wish to bring her back is a selfish love. He corrects himself and realizes that this self pity is horribly selfish and to wish her back is a cruel endeavor, especially with the suffering she endured to escape this world. He speculates, “They call Stephen the first martyr. Hadn’t Lazarus the rawer deal? (Lewis, C.S., p. 41).

He reviews within his mind a mixed guilt of possibly getting over something too soon. Someone truly does not recover from such an operation. He compares this grief to someone losing a leg. One learns to adjust, but it forever affects oneself. When one awakes, or dresses, the reality is always there, even if one finds joy in day to day situations.

He also asks himself though, if there is shame in finding happiness, or if one is obligated to prolong one’s own unhappiness (Lewis, C.S. p.52-53). This is classical in grieving. One feels an obligation to grieve a certain time. Grief has no time table and each individual needs to process the grief and then without guilt, heal. It is obvious that Lewis understands this concept but poetically displays the inner pain of those who suffer loss.

Anger

Within the initial shockwaves of pain, Lewis articulates his frustration and anger with God. He points out that God is always around when one is happy, but when you need Him, he refers to it as ” a door slammed in your face” (Lewis, C.S. p.6). He does not fully come to any conclusion to deny the existence of God, although he does question the goodness of God. He points out that Christ too was forsaken, but does that make it easier to understand? (Lewis, C.S. p.6). He begins to view God as being who really does not care. In later chapters, he reflects on this anger. He states, “All that stuff about the Cosmic Sadist was not so much the expression of thought as of hatred. I was getting from it the only pleasure a man can get; the pleasure of hitting back”. He continues that what he thought he knew was not true, but felt that at least it might offed him or other worshippers (Lewis, C.S. p. 40)

Many become angry with God in the initial phases of grief but according to Lewis the door is never slammed shut and bolted. He is always with us

Philosophically, Lewis does not dismiss the existence of God, but in acute grief, comments how one may believe God is far from good. He points out that “Is it rational to believe in a bad God? Anyway, in a God so bad as all that? The Cosmic Sadist, the spiteful imbecile? (Lewis, C.S, p.30). He wonders if this is good, then how is God good? He later reprimands himself for feeling this, but continues to question the reason for this cruel suffering. He laughs at himself how once he could tell those who suffered loss that their beloved one is in a better place. He remarks that he knew bad things could happen and even warned and prepared himself not to place happiness in the world, but he points out that once it happens to you, it is far different. Once being a source of faith, he know sees his faith as a house that has collapsed. He states, “If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it a house of cards” (Lewis, C.J. p. 37). He mocks how he once so easily gave advice, but now cannot it for himself. Was it because he truly did not care about others, or that he never truly understood the severity of it?

Healing

Stemming from the long suffering and pain, Lewis slowly begins to heal. He begins to realize his love remains and he can even sometimes hear his wife in a different way. He remarks his great fear of losing her memory, but now has a sense of her. He comments, “She seems to meet me everywhere. Meet is far too strong a word. I don’t mean anything remotely like an apparition or voice. I don’t mean even any strikingly emotional experience at any particular moment. Rather, a sort of unobtrusive but massive sense that she is, just as much as ever, a fact to be taken into account” (Lewis, C.S, p. 51). He also remembers how easily he could misjudge a man in a similar situation who now has happiness despite the loss. He remarks, ” I might have said, ‘He’s got over it. He’s forgotten his wife’. but the truth was, ‘He remembers her better because he has partly got over it'”(Lewis, C.S., p.45).

He further remarks that even with God, he no longer feels the door is slammed shut. He states that sometimes God is there but one is too frantic to hear or be saved, as if a drowning man kicking and screaming (Lewis, C.S. p 46). He asks if God is the vet or the vivisector (Lewis, C.S. p. 40). Is God truly healing and helping the person through the pain into a better life. Lewis ultimately understands that God does not wish suffering but walks with the sufferers and relieves them of the pain and transforms them into life. While those on Earth, may not understand the ultimate mystery, and may refuse to hear, God is not the sadist, he thought in anger, but a rescuer. He sees God as the giver and H. as the gift. H. becomes the garden and God the gardener, or H. the sword and God the smith. God perfects His gifts in the next life and this gives Lewis comfort (Lewis, C.S. p. 62-63).

He confirms to himself that the road to H. is through God, but he also corrects himself and reminds himself that God should never be a means to an end. He realizes that through loving God, he loves H. and they will find union in that love together (Lewis, C.S., p. 68-69). He furthermore realizes that God no longer did not answer his knocking of the door or reject his needs. Lewis states, “it is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As through He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand'”(Lewis, C.S. p. 69).

Conclusion

From a Christian perspective, Lewis explains the emotional pain of losing someone and still being a believer. He triumphantly captures the nature of grief but also adds elements of Christian grieving. He proceeds through the phases and oscillations of grief and faces many existential questions. While reading the words, one truly can start to prepare or recall the true abandonment one can face in the pain of grief and how hard it is again to find solace and peace.

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Grief Counseling Program. Those who are already Grief certified are eligible for the specialty program. Like the Grief Counseling Certification, the Christian Grief Counseling Certification is online and independent study.

Reference

“A Grief Observed”. Lewis, C.S. (1961). Harper Collins Publishers. (1994)

Additional Resources

“C.S. Lewis”. (2021). Biography. Access here

“C. S. Lewis”. Wikipedia. Access here

“A GRIEF OBSERVED”. Harmon, J. (2013). C.S Lewis Institute. Access here

“The boredom and the fear of grief”. Grady, C. (2021). Vox. Access here

The Loss of a Job and Grief

Posted on October 31, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

Losing a job is a loss. It has many elements that lead to grief, sadness, loss of identity, pride and numerous secondary financial implications. One can lose a sense of hope when one loses the financial security a good job provides and lead one into despair and poor coping. It is important, as in any loss, to maintain good coping strategies and remain optimistic and confident in one self. One needs to find the ability, despite the pain, fear and grief, to proceed forward with courage and optimism to find a new job.

Losing a job is emotional. It can be a loss of self, plus the numerous secondary financial, healthcare related, and family care related issues that come with it

The article, “Job loss, grief and professional identity” by Mark Carey takes a closer look at the implications surrounding job loss. He notes the initial shock and anger associated with it but also pushes the reader to find hope and cope in healthy ways to find a new job. He does not dismiss the pain or secondary issues surrounding job loss, but looks to provide some guidance in better responding to the loss itself. He states,

“Losing a job can also become an unforeseen positive transformation and I have seen clients over the years pivot successfully without losing a sense of self-identity. Many clients do not buy into the idea that their job is who they are. These clients transition between jobs without falling apart and making huge leaps forward in a way thought impossible before the termination. One door closes and another opens. I have to say that most clients I have worked with actually find better paying and more personally satisfying jobs after being terminated or laid off.”

“Job loss, grief and professional identity”. Carey, M. (2023). Westfair Business Journal. Access here

Commentary

Job loss involves numerous losses. Albeit many of them do not need to define one or prevent one from reaching even better positions with other employers. Still, the loss for some can be very overbearing. One element is sense of self. Some individuals, who even retire, have the issue of not knowing who they are outside their profession. A life long cop may have issues retiring or being let go. Likewise, helping professions and skilled laborers who are defined by these professional talents may feel they no longer matter without those positions or responsibilities. While a career plays a big role in what we do and love, we cannot equate a job identically to oneself. Individuals are more than what they do and it is important to understand that. Also, there are transitions in life, when one position in life transitions into another and while our positions change, we still remain ourselves. They are accidental qualities. While some positions in life mean more than others, we are still simply us. It is important during job loss, retirement, or transition, that we are more than what we do, even if what we do matters alot.

Losing a job affects numerous aspects of self and life itself. Please also review AIHCP’S Grief Counseling Program

Beyond loss of identity, many individuals also suffer from change itself. The change of finding a new place to work. The change of new co-workers. The change of new work schedules or new training skills. Others have a difficulty emotionally. Maybe they feel betrayed, or upset over the termination. Maybe they feel angry over the job loss. During the transition, negative emotions may limit their ability to cope and lead to a down time of bad decisions involving drugs, or excessive sleep. Individuals may let themselves physically and mentally lose focus and neglect their physical and mental health.

Still others may be haunted by the financial and secondary losses of job loss. The worry of rent, or house payments, or car payments, or basic utilities. They may worry over the loss of certain life styles, or even the fear of caring for their family and children. Some children may need healthcare or need funds for school. These worries become very real very fast when a financial line is suddenly cut.

Coping through Job Loss

While job loss presents so many issues as noted above, individuals can still proceed forward and find new employment. Skilled workers rarely remain unemployed and unskilled workers can still find supplemental jobs that may not be as good but may fill the gap till a better job comes along. Individuals need to remain in contact with family and friends and utilize their support system to maintain confidence and self esteem. They should work on building a resume and preparing for job interviews. With optimism, energy should be put into a job search.

Maintaining a positive outlook and creating a plan are key coping strategies during job loss

In addition, the individual should maintain mental and physical care of oneself. Self care is key during this period. Exercise and gym are pivotal to maintaining the schedule one once had. Bad habits can easily creep into life and derail an individuals hard work ethic. There are sometimes some good at that can come out of it. Sometimes, it opens doors to a better job and sometimes it also gives one time, especially if laid off, to find a little bit of rest for a short period of time. Try to find positives while finding a new job.

For those retiring, it may be good to look maybe to a hobby or finding volunteer work that can fill the void. Those in human service rarely are able to stop helping people and many who retire eventually doing side projects and volunteer work. Others should take the time to enjoy family and vacation or at least a new hobby.

Some may not cope well and feel depressed or even enter into depression. If so, one should seek help from a licensed professional counselor with emphasis in grief counseling to help one through the dark period of time.

Conclusion

Job loss or retirement is a transition or change. As a change it can cause grief and distress. It is clearly a loss because it takes something away. It can take away self image, or self value, but it can also take away life style by limiting one’s financial or social status. While a job is not who one is, it very much plays a big role in what one does and is able to do in life. It plays a large role in a person’s sense of purpose.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Additional Resources

“Job Loss and the Stages of Grief: Coping and Recovering”. McLaren, P. (2020). PsychReg. Access here

“The 5 Stages of Grief After a Loss”. Health Essentials. (2022). Cleveland Clinic. Access here

“How to Handle Being Laid Off”. Smith, L. (2021). WebMed. Access here

“How to Support Clients With Job Loss Depression & Stress”. Latif, S. (2022). Positive Psychology. Access here

Parenting While Grieving

Posted on October 26, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

Parenting is not an easy vocation to start but when extra issues in life pile up, then parenting can become even more difficult. When stressors, losses, illness, or problems arise, parents still need to be able to fulfill their duties to their children. There are no days off when it comes to helping the kids with school, taking them places, cooking, caring and spending time with them but sometimes parents can feel the weight of life, especially during loss and grief. When grieving and mourning enter into a parent’s life, mother or father do not have the luxury to call off work, or not the children to school, or skip dinner or not wash clothes. Parents are called to march forward. This is critical but it can also be bad for grieving and mental health.

Parenting is challenging but when a parent is grieving it is even more difficult. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

The mental health for a parent is extremely important. Like in an airplane, when the steward or stewardess explains that in an emergency, adults should place the oxygen mask on first before applying to a child, it is for a reason. If a parent falls, the child or children will also fall. So while duty is critical, it is also critical for parents to find the space and time needed to grieve or mourn. In this blog, we will look closer at the difficult times, when parents have to grieve and still perform at high levels for the welfare of their children.

Mental Health and Support

In times of loss, mental health care and support are so important. While to many of us, our parents appeared as super powered beings, the reality is they suffered the same emotions we suffer as adults. They had good and bad days. They did not always choose the right decision and had to learn the hard way and they also dealt with loss. As younger children, we may not have noticed this, or maybe even very rarely, but our childhood image of our parents is due to their excellent ability to care. Unfortunately, some individuals may have negative experiences with parents. Their parents may have fallen victim to drinking and abuse, or vanished when loss occurred. They may have spoken nothing of loss or pain and hid it to their own detriment.

For some, family support is available, for others it is lacking. However, the importance of a family that can grieve together and communicate cannot be over emphasized

Our experiences with our parents can easily shape our own when parenting-for good and bad. It is important when grieving to find a balance. It is OK to show vulnerability to a child but also to ensure that the child still feels secure. So when dealing with grief and loss, parents need to be able to balance their own feelings and the need to maintain the security and welfare of their children. This involves allowing oneself time to mourn. The grief needs to be processed and experienced. If the grief persists and intensifies, then one should seek help from a grief counselor, and if it becomes pathological, one should seek the aid of a licensed professional counselor,

Some parents have better support than others. Some have a spouse to help lean on, while others have a bigger family to share the grief. Some parents though may be single parents, or have little or no family support. They may be over worked and have a full schedule that prohibits time. These over bearing responsibilities may compound the grief. So while some may be able to find the help they need or take time off, others live in a colder reality. Whether blessed, supported or alone and over worked, one can still find basic help services and as well as find time. Time may need carved out of the day, but one needs to find the time to process the loss, mourn, and be able to express it outwardly. If one does not find time to re-generate, whether through a walk, meditation, spiritual journey, exercise, or a discussion with a good friend, then the grief will only become stronger and parental burnout may occur.

Sharing Emotion within the Family Unit

Families may tend to be overtly open with emotion or introvert in regards to expressing it. Grief myths that dictate time schedules, or expression of grief, or sharing grief with children, can only fracture the family unit more. Instead, express grief with a spouse, or the children. Communicate that daddy or mommy are very sad. Reassure to the children that this will not affect their security but share with them the reality that you are going through grief and loss. This is an excellent way for children to learn to express empathy. Children will hug and listen and in their own way express grief too. The grief may very well be affecting not just you but the children as well. Hence it is important to discuss the loss and include the children in discussion of the loss with real and concrete words about the nature of death. Let the children partake in rituals and ceremonies and allow them to comfort you.

Communicating feelings and grief not only helps the parent but also teaches the child empathy and proper grieving and coping

For most parents, the loss in all probability is of a parent, or tragically a sibling. These types of losses are extremely painful and children will also experience a shared loss. While it may be your parent you lost, it still their grandparent. Hence, it is important to share grief with the child or children and both mutually heal from each other. This not only helps heal but it also passes on good mourning skills. Many children inherit bad mourning skills. They learn to hide emotion, or turn to improper coping methods to curb grief through imitation of mom or dad.

Families can also grow together closer through grief. While also expressing, they can also memorialize loss and remember together the person over time. In addition, they can build relationships that are stronger through this shared experience of loss. Parents can be good grieving examples to their children and children can be good and empathetic listeners when they are permitted into a circle. Excluding them can have negative effects on yourself but also their development.

The Loss of a Child

If a mother miscarries, or the couple lose a child already born, this has life long ramifications. It is in itself, its own blog, but this is when parents need to not only grieve for the loss but also help the child grieve the loss of his/her sibling. It is so important to involve the child in the rituals and to let the child speak verbally or through play. Monitoring the child and ensuring they are exhibiting no magical thinking is important. If the child has guilt for the death, then it needs dismissed. So while the parent grieves, the parent also is ensuring that the surviving child still heals properly from the loss. Again this is why it is so critical that the family grieves together and proper grieving styles are passed on to the next generation.

Conclusion

Parenting not easy but when grief and loss are thrown into the middle, it becomes far more difficult. Parents need to not only care for their own mental health but they also need to express loss and grief to their children to ensure security for the child but also an understanding of what grief is and how to share it and be empathetic.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification as well as its specialty program in Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification, as well as its Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Certification and see if the programs meet your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification. The Child and Adolescent Grief Program is a specialty program that is only available for already those certified in Grief Counseling.

Additional Resources

“Can Parenting While Grieving Force You to Heal?”. Cytrynbaum, P. (2013). Psychology Today. Access here

“Parenting While Grieving”. Haley, E. (2015). Whats Your Grief. Access here

“Grieving While Parenting”. Eiseman, J. (2019). Mental Health Match. Access here

“Parenting while grieving”. Hetter, K. (2011). CNN. Access here

Emotional Control and Communication in Conflict Resolution

Posted on October 25, 2023October 25, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

Conflict is natural because of disagreement. Whether the conflict is minor, verbal, or becomes violent, depends on the situation, time and place. Individually and socially, conflict occurs everyday at different levels. Whether at work and a disagreement occurs, or at home and an argument ensures, conflict is part of daily life. Just because conflict and differences exist, does not mean it has to be a bad thing or dangerous thing. While many conflicts spiral out of control into professional, personal or even social chaos, conflicts do not need to become divisive and destructive forces. Differences can be discussed, mended and aligned to incorporate benefits for everyone.

Conflict resolution requires emotional control, communication, listening and an ability to understand wants and needs of self and other.

However, certain differences can only be mended so far. Certain differences cannot always make every side happy and certain differences will leave some with some resentment. It is how one intellectually and emotionally handles a conflict that matters sometime the most. When wars result or family feuds ensue, then no matter the conclusion, no-one benefits. Hence it is important to to not only employ good conflict resolution skills but also manage emotions.

Emotions

Emotions can turn an argument or conflict into an aggressive verbal and sometimes physical battle with only impasses. In this case, when entering into any conflict resolution meeting, or entering into argument or debate, to present oneself with a calm mind. Anger Management is key. Focusing on dislikes of other person or group, lingering on past insults or wrongs, allowing prejudices to warp the intellect and issuing insults can only escalate. The key is to de-escalate when conflict emerges during discussion. It is important to identify one’s own triggers, as well as the other individual’s triggers. Once these are identified, it is easier to avoid and also limit. Avoid being overly defensive or quick to respond if something upsets. There are good ways to respond to criticism and bad ways. It is key during conflict resolution to respond well.

Conflict resolution requires emotional control and intellectual reason.

Furthermore, one needs to identify tone of voice, body position and movement in regards to dealing with the individual. How one initially represents oneself can determine the outcome of a discussion. This is true when arguing with a spouse or friend, debating with another person, crafting a business deal, negotiating a bill, or even responding to an officer at a basic traffic stop. When one insults or past biases are voiced in an aggressive manner, the other person will automatically assume a more defensive position and be far less willing to listen. Name calling and insulting while dismissing the primary topic is a good way to end any resolution before it ever begins. Instead be calm and collective and be positive. Avoid negative sentences and “I” statements, but keep very close to the topic and avoid ad hominem argumentation. Compliments and acknowledgement of other another side’s view and an appreciation of one’s concerns can open a far more healthy dialogue.

Communication

Obviously a healthy a dialogue is the purpose. Each dialogue has an end goal. To reach the established end goal, involves communication and listening. When one speaks so loudly above others, one not only alienates oneself from the other side, but also is unable to hear points and counter points. When pointing out strengths and weaknesses of one’s view, there should be a clear line of respect and time for each side to fully articulate each other’s point of view. Proper listening and communication is hence a pre-requisite in any negotiation or mediation and is as important as emotional control.

Reactions to Conflict

When dealing with conflict there are a variety of ways to handle it. The article, “5 Conflict Resolution Strategies: Steps, Benefits and Tips” by Jennifer Herrity points out some key ways some may deal with conflict and its resolution. She states,

“Conflicts are struggles that can arise during an active disagreement of opinions or interests, so it’s important to understand how to navigate and resolve them. In the workplace, there are many instances in which conflict can happen between coworkers, and when it does, it is important to resolve the situation before it escalates. In this article, we discuss five conflict resolution strategies, how to use them in the workplace and the benefits of conflict resolution…Different people use different methods to resolve conflict, depending on their personalities and preferences. The five most common strategies, known as the (Kenneth) Thomas-(Ralph) Kilmann model, used to resolve conflicts in the workplace include”

“5 Conflict Resolution Strategies: Steps, Benefits and Tips”. Herrity, J. (2023). Indeed.

To review the entire article, please click here

Individuals when dealing with conflict can avoid the argument completely. This passive reaction to an argument can lead many unresolved issues and deeper resentment. Many introverts and passive individuals will flee conflict however instead of arguing or feeling bullied into an issue by a more aggressive personality. Avoidance may relieve temporary tension but it does not resolve the existing issue.

How to resolve a conflict has many options. Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Program

Other individuals will actively engage and compete against the other person. They will completely and totally reject the entirety of the other person’s argument and push only for one’s own ideal or solution. This leads to active hostility and disagreement and also offers no other solution. Whether in business, politics, or international war, this leads to one eventually exerting power over the other or leaving a totally dissatisfied side which will later re-emerge with similar issues.Other individuals will accommodate the other individual. This may lead to short term peace but again only presents a lingering issue. Sometimes accommodation is purposely utilized to resolve short term issues with true sights on longer term venues.

Compromising, like accommodation, also provides a short term solution but usually leads to longer term issues and revisiting to the lasting issue. Those in compromise though both walk away with a distaste but also a small gain.

Finally, collaboration is the ultimate solution when possible. In this scenario, all individuals win because they work together towards something better. Each side realizes the value of the other and combine their forces and ideas towards a greater good.

Character Matters

Understanding the sides of both and avoiding bias is key in conflict resolution. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Certification

Individuals must also during any type of negotiation or conflict resolution possess some sort of character and ability to read it in others. One should be able to analyze one’s own strength and weaknesses and see where one is right or wrong. One must also understand the type of personality one is dealing with across from them. What type of temperament, personality and demeanor consists within this individual. Are they more of an exertive dominant Personality A, or a more passive Personality B? One should be prepared to know maximum and minimum extremes one will waver, as well as the other, and then make a solid logical and honest agreement. Keeping one’s word and processing a fair agreement meets with all standards of justice and integrity. When many nations or individuals break deals, conflict is always unavoidable. This is why the deal should always be just and not overtly benefiting oneself. Trouble will only emerge later. This should be seen as looking out for the future and avoiding unneeded drama in future days.

Conclusion

Personal interaction will always breed conflict because different people have different opinions. It is important to protect one’s own interests but to also be fair and just. This is accomplished through communication, listening and understanding the person. It involves anger management and emotional restraint in how one debates another view. It demands logic, justice and a fair view of oneself. When these qualities are missing, conflict resolution is moot and conflict itself will emerge.

Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention, Anger Management and Stress Management Programs. The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification. Those seeking to help resolve issues and conflicts can easily utilize a Crisis Intervention Certification or Anger Management Certification to their resume and utilize the skills to better apply conflict resolution both personally and professionally whether at home, work, school, politics or at the international level.

Resources

“Conflict Resolution” MTCT. Mind Tools. Access here

“How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation”. Gallo, A. (2017). Harvard Business Review. Access here

“Conflict Resolution Skills”. (2023). HelpGuide.org. Access here

“14 Conflict Resolution Strategies for the Workplace”. Wilson, C. (2022). Positive Psychology. Access here

Grief Counseling and Eating Disorders

Posted on October 25, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

Eating disorders stem from within. The person has a low self image or utilizes eating as a coping mechanism to deal with loss, stress or trauma. Some starve themselves, while others over-eat to escape the pain. Individuals with low self image of themselves have a inaccurate view and are obsessed due to low self esteem to starve oneself and an attempt to find a never attainable weight. While those who face pain and loss, may cope by binge eating. Both extremes are unhealthy and can lead to multiple health issues.

Eating disorders stem from within due to loss, depression, and low self image. They lead to poor coping strategies that are far from healthy. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

Counseling and proper coping are key to remove poor self image and poor coping strategies. Grief Counseling and therapy from a licensed counselor can help. Licensed counselors who are also certified in Grief Counseling can also help. Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.

Please review the video below

Crisis and Suicide Assessment

Posted on October 19, 2023October 19, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

Suicide is vital in any counseling whether clinical or pastoral. Pastoral counselors should refer patients or members of the community to a professional counselor if he or she feels the person is experiencing depression and suicidal ideation. In most cases, suicide assessment will consider a person to be low risk or high risk. As opposed to low risk, high risk individuals have a far worst depression and a more lethal plan.

Suicide assessment is key in assigning low or high risk individuals. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention program

When anyone feels depressed, especially over time, it can become overwhelming. This is why when helping depressed and grieving individuals to probe and ask questions about suicide. It is critical to ask if one wishes to hurt or harm oneself when interviewing the patient. It is important to see if those types of thoughts or ideas are entering the person’s mind. If someone who is experiencing depression states they feel hopeless, then this is definitely a warning sign. Not all hopeless individuals commit suicide, but anyone who has ever attempted or committed suicide definitely felt hopeless.

If the seriousness of an assessment manifests, then one needs to determine if one is low risk or high risk. Many individuals in pain or depressed may think occasionally of killing oneself, but do not have the intention, desire or capability to do so, but as thoughts of suicidal ideation become more frequent and loud, then an assessment is definitely needed. Hence after assessing symptoms of depression and the thought or at least implicit idea of suicide within the patient’s mind, it is important to access whether this person is low or high risk. High risk individuals will require more intense observation and measures, while low risk will require less intense intervention.

If one makes comments about harming oneself, the next question is to determine lethality of the plan. Is the plan doable? Are the means, times and places for the event possible? If someone dictates one would like to shoot oneself, then access if this person has access to firearms. A person who points out that he owns a gun that is at home and currently loaded in his closet poses a severely high risk. Hence the more detailed the plan the higher the risk level. If a person has access to the weapon named in the thought and a time planned, then immediate intervention is required. Police should be called or the person should be submitted to a psych ward for observation. If the person on the other hand does not have access or ability to commit immediately, one should be immediately referenced to professional counseling for depression.

Someone who is high risk has more detailed plans, numerous thoughts, deeper depression, more drinking and drug issues, and access to carry out the plans. High risk individuals are also individuals who have survived past attempts. So it is important to ask these questions as well, but also including family history of suicide. Unfortunately, many individuals due to mental health stigmas, keep their sadness and depression to themselves. No-one is aware of the high risk involved with the loved one or friend. Many times, friends and family miss the subtle comments about life and death or the anxiety and depression someone is enduring. Awareness, questions and listening are key in helping depressed individuals find the help they need. Assessments can later be employed to determine the risk level.

When one is in crisis, it is important to ask questions about self harm or hurting oneself and see if anyone is frequently thinking of it or planning it

If anyone manifests any level of suicidal ideation, it is important to convince the person to make a no-suicide contract in which the individual promises to call someone if the person feels low, hopeless, or ideation of killing oneself manifests. This last outlet may be the helping hand one needs not to take it to the next step. In this type of contact, the person promises to call a loved one or yourself if ideation manifests. Sometimes this last call for help is the difference between life and death. It is also important to discuss the frequency of alcohol and drug use during this period of time and how it can play a role in poor decisions.

Individuals kill themselves not because they want to die but because they do not feel life is worth living. Many of them are not in the proper state of mind due to depression, trauma or extreme pain. These individuals need counseling and help so they do not fall victim to suicide itself. With so many stigmas surrounding suicide, it is important to remember that someone who commits it or attempts is dealing with temporary mental illness. One should not blame but try to help. It is not a true sin in the classical sense that once was attributed to it but a true mental state of imbalance.

Pastoral caregivers can play a key role in helping members of the congregation work through suicidal thoughts. They can be the first line of defense for those who have noone to talk to or discuss their feelings with. They can mentor, guide and help individuals find hope when they are depressed. Christian Counselors, pastoral counselors and those in ministry should all have crisis intervention training and suicide prevention training. This will enable them to better help individuals suffering from these types of thoughts.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling, Christian Counseling and Crisis Intervention Counseling Programs. The programs all to some extent touch on suicide. The Grief program discussing the role of depression and loss in suicide. The Christian Counseling Program discusses the pastoral implications from a Christian perspective and the Crisis Intervention Program discusses suicide prevention, assessment and helping individuals who are in a state of acute crisis. All the programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals who work in the counseling and ministry fields. Please review and see if the program meets your academic and professional goals.

Again, if in any type of counseling, whether professional or pastoral, be sure to have a complete understanding and working suicide assessment list. Also, if anyone is feeling worthless or hopeless, please call the National Suicide Hotline and seek help. Simply dial 988. Hurting oneself is never the answer.

Additional Resources

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Access here

“Suicide Assessment”. Access here

“How to assess and intervene with patients at risk of suicide”. Clay, R. (2022). APA. Access here

“Adult Outpatient Brief Suicide Safety Assessment Guide”. National Institute of Mental Health. Access here

Crisis Intervention and Policing

Posted on October 19, 2023 by Dominick Flarey

One of the hottest topics today is policing the police and training them better to respond to crisis situations and better de-escalate and utilize less lethal force. This is a difficult situation no doubt. Police face tough situations and last second decision making under intense stress is a norm of their day. Police obviously deserve the utmost respect for the jobs they do in enforcement of law and protection but the fact remains their exists a strong divide among minority populations, and the overall population in general, with the men and women in blue.

De-escalation and crisis intervention skills are needed in policing. It protects the public and also the officer. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Certification

This distrust has led to numerous confrontations with police auditors who push the limits with what an officer can ask and do. It also has led to confrontations in protests, defund the police marches, and the minority populations who sometimes are racially profiled. The old friendly “Andy of Mayberry” days seem to be a distant memory, or even a fairy tale, where officers policed the neighborhood and were seen as good guys. Instead, apprehension, anger and mistrust exist with every pull over or officer call. Much of this has to do with a few bad cops, who abuse their authority. The George Floyd case comes to mind, when officers brutally murdered a man in plain sight without any compassion or concern for the man’s breathing.

Like bad clergy or priests, bad cops are a minority, but they gain the spot light and also show a shade of blue society does not want policing them. This has only amplified the intense scrutiny on officers in regards to attitude, procedure and response to mental illness. Some cops although not corrupt are not fit to serve the population due to anger issues, procedural errors, or inability to respond properly during high stress. Many officers, especially ex soldiers, act as if they are in a state of war and throw orders and demands as if in the military to the civilians. These are not acceptable standards and are definitely issues when dealing with individuals who have mental illness. Quick to submit, dominate, or in worst cases, shoot have become too common.

Being a police officer is not easy. It not only demands the skills and mind to police, but it also takes a special person without authority issues, anger problems, or inability to act cool under pressure. The standards are high and many police perform at this standard, but it takes only one time, one bad day. This is why it is so hard for the good cops who try. At any moment, they may find themselves in internal affairs investigation, or subject to lawsuit, or find themselves arrested for excessive force. Hence it is equally important to the police officers, as well as the public to have better crisis response and de-escalation plans in effect.

The article, “Crisis Intervention Attempts Involving Policing In The United States” by Lisa Landram takes a closer look at how police departments are implementing better crisis training and policing procedures for their officers. Landram states,

“But many municipalities in the U.S. are also grappling with intervention attempts involving policing. Crisis response teams vary in their approaches to addressing mental health throughout the United States. A national survey by the National Police Foundation called “How Small Law Enforcement Agencies Respond to Calls Involving Person in Crisis” found that there were different approaches that agencies take to develop a more effective response to calls involving persons in behavioral health crisis. The findings from the survey are based on responses from a random sample of 380 municipal police and sheriff offices with between 10 and 75 sworn officers between February and October 2020.”

“Crisis Intervention Attempts Involving Policing In The United States”. Landram, L. (2023). Daily News-Record

To review the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Landram illustrates various ways local departments are answering the call to better train their officers and also implement better crisis response. Of the key elements, she notes that training involves recognition of basic mental illness is being implemented. The training involves not only the types but what to expect if encountering someone with mental illness or under substance abuse.

An additional training also includes teaching officers the basics in crisis intervention, communication and especially de-escalation. De-escalating at its core though means officers must become more “thick skinned” in regards to responses of individuals to orders, as well as ignoring insults or slurs. While it is horrible officers are verbally accosted, the job demands a high standard that some cannot meet, and for those, who cannot, then policing may not be one’s career, especially considering officers carry lethal force.

Police offers can learn a variety of crisis intervention skills and departments can partner with mental health facilities to deliver safer response to mentally ill calls

Another key element listed was the importance of a closer correlation with mental health professionals with the department. This partnership would involve officers having more support from mental health professionals via call, or in person on mental health calls. This also involves 911 and dispatch officers offering better details regarding a mental health call issue and warning the officers on scene that someone is not mentally well.

Finally, the department needs better cooperation for facilities that deal with substance abuse and mental health during a potential arrest. Jail is not the answer for these individuals and can in some cases traumatize them more.

Public Response to Officers

Most officers are good. Not all situations involve racial profiling, harassments, or cops with attitudes. Tickets may be annoying, but ultimately officers are performing a civic duty. While as US citizens we have certain rights, sometimes working with an officer is the best thing. Simple courtesy goes a long way. While police should not seek illicit information during an investigation or pull over that is not legal, they sometimes do and knowing your rights and what needs to be handed over or not is key. One always has the right to remain silent, but it is important to know one’s state laws requiring identification or pull over procedure.

Again, sometimes, working together and being compliant and respectful goes a long way. Realize officers live a high stress life and as human beings can reach a point where too much attitude or abuse pushes them over the limit. So, in essence, know your rights, but also understand the situation and what they are going through. Mutually working together can reduce stress, tension and anxiety.

Police Stressors

As stated, police are subject to horrible things they see everyday. They can suffer from PTSD and easily be triggered as well. It is obviously important that the department keeps officers in good mental health. Officers see death, abuse, shootings and live action on a consistent basis. They are in a fight or flight mode consistently. Traffic stops themselves may be their very last without proper care.

In addition to shootings, losing fellow officers, cops deal with a variety of other issues. Consistent verbal abuse, negative press, pressure from municipal authorities, and lack of staffing and funding. In essence it is an extremely stressful job and plays one component in the overall problem of de-escalation and policing. Hence departments must provide stress care in addition to crisis intervention training, to keep the minds and emotional stability of good cops sharp and healthy.

Conclusion

Policing is a sacred trust. A few bad officers can ruin the entire image but other officers need to learn better de-escalation skills. Certain qualities of officers need adjusted that are militaristic and ultra authoritarian. It is not fair, especially when dealing with a rude and ungrateful public, but the job demands more now than ever. Crisis Intervention skills protects not only the public but the officer him/herself.

Good policing involves restraint, de-escalation skills, and communication. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Program

AIHCP offers a Crisis Intervention Consulting Certification for qualified professionals seeking a four year certification. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification. Police officers are excellent candidates as well for this program. Departments looking for certification programs for their officers can review the program and see if it matches the fit for their officers.

Additional Resources

“Police stressors and health: a state-of-the-art review”. Violanti, J. et. etc. (2019). Policing. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2019 Mar 5. Published in final edited form as: Policing. 2017 Nov; 40(4): 642–656. Access here

“Occupational stress in policing: What the research says and what leaders can do about it”. Segovia, R. (2022). Police1. Access here

“Fighting Stress in the Law Enforcement Community”. Dawson, J. (2019). National Institute of Justice Journal. Access here

“De-Escalation: A Commonsense Approach”. Ranalli, M. (2020). Lexipol. Access here

“If We Want to Reduce Deaths at Hands of Police, We Need to Reduce Traffic Stops”. Johnson, T & Johnson, N. (2023). Time. Access here

“Highly Rated and most Frequent Stressors among Police Officers: Gender Differences”. Violanti, J. et. etc. (2016). Am J Crim Justice. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2017 Dec 1) Published in final edited form as: Am J Crim Justice. 2016 Dec; 41(4): 645–662. Access here