When we lose someone, life is never the same. Holidays especially are never the same. The empty seat is a grim reminder of the loss every year. The first few years will be the most painful, while future years will ease in pain but still always remind. Traditions alter as well as time goes by and when certain family members are gone. Changing traditions and but keeping the fundamental values are important in these cases.
With loss, holiday traditions change over time. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article from “Whats Your Grief”, “Changing Holiday Traditions; Keeping Holiday Value” takes a closer look at traditions change and new ones emerge. The article states,
“After a loss, traditions big and small sometimes have to change. Part of coping with the hoidays as we grieve is planning for the traditions we will keep, those we will change, and those we will leave behind. This is hard in the best of years, and 2020 – a year of change, loss, distance, and isolation has changed our who, when, wheres, and hows more than ever.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling
Loss equates to change and that change equates to a series of adaptation called grief. The greater the connection or bond to the loss, the greater the change and subsequently, greater the grief. While many view loss as a tangible object, person or place, loss can also be intangible. The loss of a youth is a classic intangible reality that many grieve the loss of over time. The loss of vitality, energy, strength, health, physical looks, and abilities plague every type of person, from the ordinary worker, or model to the athlete. The adaptation to being aging can be a great grief. It is such a great grief that tales of the Fountain of Youth are found in legends. Youth and eternal life is something all grieve the loss of.
Aging is part of life but like all changes it can produce loss and grief. How we cope and how we perceive changes will determine how well we enjoy life.
The loss of such youthful qualities begins to set around middle age where greys emerge, aches increase, and wrinkles appear. This adaptation and comparison to how one once was can be a difficult time for middle aged people. This has led to what one refers to as Midlife crisis, where individuals start to release that they are not eternal and time is ticking. For women, they may question their fertility and if no children, they may start to grieve the lack of a family. Men may start to grieve the loss of their once sexual prowess and date younger women, or find replacement value in new fancy cars. These are all coping methods to adapt to the loss. Some cope better, while others have a difficult time with the change. Some at this age also begin to lose parents or find themselves in a care giver capacity where parents no longer care for them but they care for the parents.
After middle age, the period of retirement soon looms. This change is large. Individuals can lose a sense of value after work. They can lose a sense of identity. The once proud engineer, now finds himself lost at home without problems to solve, or the once firefighter, finds himself without the thrill of the job and joy of saving others. These life changes are indeed losses for many. Others may find joy in the time and adapt well but others like the above may seek fulfillment because they know lack their position and former identity.
In later age, individuals are left with memories of times long gone. Health may be a serious issue or merely the fact of age itself. Those lucky enough to be healthy, still will have consistent aches, slower movement, and less abilities to even drive a vehicle. They will be dependent upon others for help with groceries or for getting somewhere. They will also in many cases, mourn the loss of so many individuals in their lives and have hopefully learned to cope with those multiple losses.
Age and death are a reality. Every second, since the moment we were born, we have been on a crash course collision with death. Every phase of life has its numerous challenges and changes. We can either accept those life realities or fight them. Those who mourn the losses, adjust to the changes have a better road map of life, while those who fight aging and death, will never truly find happiness.
How will you reflect on life with all of its joys, blessing, losses and griefs? Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals
Instead of a mid life crisis, one should evaluate where they are and make positive changes. Learn from the early mistakes of young adulthood and proceed forward. Understand one’s new role to the younger generation and older generation and embrace it. Those facing retirement, should embrace the change and find solace in rest but also look for new adventures that were never able possible due to a 40 hour work week. Those who are in their golden age, should reflect on the long life as a gift and see the multitude of blessings that were also infused to their long life.
One can lament the past, worry about the future or enjoy the present. Enjoy the challenges that come with being the age one is and learn to cope with the losses but also enjoy the successes that come with age group. No particular age in this fallen temporal world is perfect, but each age we enter into has new challenges but also new blessings. We are not here to deny the losses, but to accept them with the many blessings in the story of life. Many die young in life and that was their complete story, but others have a much longer book. Enjoy that book and make the most of it.
If you would like to learn more about grief or help others through grief, please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program in online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Depression can be caused during pregnancy and after pregnancy due to the changes of life and also the hormones. It can affect both fathers and mothers. Sometimes this is ignored because everyone feels you should be happy but post partem depression and depression during pregnancy is a reality for many.
Many women can experience depression during and after pregnancy. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
The article, “Mom Life: When depression is more than just “baby blues”” by Tamara Markard looks at this type of depression that many parents, especially mothers face. She states,
‘”Baby blues” typically occur within the first three days after giving birth when the levels of estrogen and progesterone in a woman’s body dramatically plummet. The symptoms usually last for about two weeks before going away on their own. For some women, the depression, anxiety, worry, sleeplessness and other symptoms turn into something more serious called postpartum depression.”
Mothers after childbirth should understand that post partem depression can occur and if it does after the initial weeks to seek help from a medical professional. Fathers should keep an eye on their wives emotional well being and be supportive of their emotional needs as their bodies readjust to post pregnancy
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study. It is open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
ADHD has an ability to cause adults with it to be plagued with disorder. The disorder is in every facet of their life. Some forms of disorder can be brought to order though with clearer thinking and various coping strategies and tools.
Organization is important when living with ADHD. Please also review AIHCP’s ADHD Consulting Program
The article, “How to Declutter with an ADHD Brain: Organization Solutions for Real Life” by Linda Roggli looks at how individuals can declutter their ADHD life through simple solutions. She states,
“More than half of adults with ADHD say disorganization is a serious problem, and 40% of women over the age of 40 say disorganization is their most urgent ADHD issue. Our ADHD brains are prone to clutter for a number of reasons: poor working memory, weak impulse control, and access to services like Amazon that instantly fulfil our whims. When the sheer physical and emotional space consumed by clutter becomes unmanageable, it can get in the way of relationships, work, and mental health.”
ADHD can be difficult and any tips to help organize and keep life simpler is a benefit. Learning how to cope and create solutions is a key to having a successful life while having ADHD.
Please also review AIHCP’s ADHD Consulting Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in ADHD Consulting.
Suicide is a serious issue. When someone shows signs or reaches out for help regarding suicidal thoughts, it is important that the first person who discovers is able to say the right things and do the right things. An individual with suicidal thoughts may have serious plans or it may be a fleeting thought but one cannot take the chance until a thorough discussion has occurred. There are certain signs and also certain things that need to be said during this conversation to ensure the safety of the person considering or speaking of suicide.
A suicidal cry for help should never be overlooked. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Counseling Program
The article, “How To Help Someone At Risk Of Suicide” by Rhitu Chatterjee discusses how to help individuals facing suicidal thought. She states,
“The pandemic has taken a heavy emotional toll on many people, and if you know someone struggling with despair, depression or thoughts of suicide, you may be wondering how to help.”
Suicide is a serious claim by anyone and to turn a blind eye to it is a serious error. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Counseling Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to those looking for a four year certification in Crisis Intervention.
Meditation is a call to mindfulness of the present. Many times, individuals are so focused on the past they cannot live in the present, or they are so paranoid about the future, they cannot enjoy the present. Meditation can help one focus on the present. Focus on the present is key because the present determines outcomes. We need to acknowledge the present before it too becomes the past and understand the present as a key to the future.
Meditation can help individuals be more present. Please also review AIHCP’s Meditation Instructor Certification
The article, “Struggling to be more present? Look to meditation” by Marci Sharif looks at how meditation can help individuals be more present in their thinking. She states,
“Have you ever noticed how strangely difficult it is to just be right here, right now? Not recalling the past. Not considering what’s next. Not analyzing, judging, storytelling or narrating, but simply being here, purely in the moment, in a soft and open way. It’s a completely different mode from what we’re used to — a far cry from living in our heads and reflexively reacting to the whims of our conditioned and compulsive thoughts.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Meditation Instructor Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Meditation Instructor.
Children need to learn at a young age how to control emotions, especially anger. A child who does not learn to control anger can become a destructive adult with numerous issues with the law and society. Hence an important aspect of parenting is properly teaching a child how to control anger. Sometimes reprimands need to be more strict but there are also numerous other ways to teach a child coping mechanisms to control anger.
How do we teach children how to properly deal with anger? Many children mimic poor parental behaviors. Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Consulting Program
The article, “:Anger Management for Kids: 7 Healthy Ways to Deal with Explosive Feelings” by Emma Singer looks at how children can learn how to cope with their anger. She states,
“When you’re dealing with an angry kid, it can be hard for even the most even-keeled parents to keep their cool as things start to spiral out of control. And on some level, you kind of get where they’re coming from. Adults are able to maintain at least a modicum of composure when mad, thanks to years of practice at recognizing and coping with the familiar feeling.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Consulting Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four certification in Anger Management Consulting.
Celebrating the Holidays while grieving is a difficult paradox. It is a time of spiritual and social renewal when families come together to celebrate religious and family traditions, but it also can be a time of great pain for the grieving who have recently lost a loved one.
The contradiction of joy and grief in one time and space is confusing to the bereaved and can lead to a myriad of raw emotions. Emotions of regret, guilt, anger, and intense sadness. Memories of past holidays and the love and good times shared are very present and raw in the emotional heart. These memories resurface for even grievers years after, but are far more present and graphic for recent grievers.
Grief can sometimes turn the lights off for many during the holidays. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
This can lead grievers during the Holidays to avoid celebration or even withdraw from family life for the season. This is not necessarily a bad thing for a person who has lost a loved one recently. This is especially true if the lost is within the calendar year and this is the first Holiday season without the deceased.
It is important to allow the individual to express his or her grief in solace and silence if necessary. It is important to give the griever the space one needs to deal with the lost in one’s own way. It would be unwise to force traditions or gatherings upon this individual.
Likewise, if a griever chooses to be around family and friends and wishes to celebrate, it is wise to gently accommodate the needs of the person with sensitivity and kindness. Ultimately, the griever must choose the path that is best for the griever. Nothing should be forced, refused or restricted.
The biggest thing one can do for the griever during the Holidays is to check on them and be there to listen. Listening is the greatest gift and simply checking in. Whether that is through a call, or by leaving a cookie trey, or a simple card. These small gestures carry weight and can help the griever through these difficult times. Avoidance is the worst thing anyone can do for the griever. A balance and discretion are required to know how much to say or how much to do.
One cannot know the first Holiday season if the griever is naturally experiencing grief in its raw form or pathologically and this is why checking in and listening is so critical in helping the bereaved. In time, the secluded bereaved may become more present during the Holidays. They may seek other family and friends and wish to again immerse themselves in traditions, dinners and gift exchange. Or, they may seek to find new traditions, or even wish to commemorate the deceased.
These are healthy advances in any direction. They show a respect for the past, a continuation in the presence and hope for the future. Old traditions may end or they may not, or new traditions will emerge after the death of the deceased, but ultimately, individuals who lose a loved one learn how to incorporate the loss of a loved one into the current and future Holidays. No story is the same and not outcome is right or wrong. The way Holidays are celebrated after the loss of a loved one are never the same afterwards emotionally but that does not mean they do not continue into new ways.
Losing a loved one is traumatic any day of the year. Whether it is during the Holidays or before, there will be emotional grief reactions. These reactions will always exist no matter the year, but they become less intense each year. This is not to say the pain is erased and the love vanishes, it just means that people adjust and adapt to loss and learn how to cope with it, even during the Holidays.
If you would like to learn more about the process of grief, please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program. Qualified professionals can apply and become certified in Grief Counseling.
The terminally ill face the reality of death every day. They may initially deny and bargain but the reality eventually sets in. How the terminally ill are treated is key to their dignity and hope. Hope and dignity to their personhood is key. One does not set out to rid one of hope but one also hopes to care and treat the symptoms of the terminally ill and guide them through reality.
One of the keys of respecting the dignity and hope of the dying is to treat them as the living. Too many times, doctors and other healthcare physicians dismiss the terminal ill as a lost case. Death is not seen as part of life but a defeat. On the contrary, death is an important part of our lives and how we “live” death is as important as how we lived our entire life. In doing so, the dignity of the dying is respected at the highest level by keeping them part of their own dying process. They should not be ignored, left out of decisions, or treated as children. The topic of death should not be avoided as if taboo, but truthfulness and respect should be applied to the dying. They need to be part of the process as much as possible.
It is important that the dying play a role if they can in the process of death. Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thantology training program
In also respecting their dignity, hope should be nourished. False claims should not be presented but an open reality to hope should always exist. To dismiss one’s dreams and hopes is to disrespect the fire and spark of the human spirit itself. One can work with the dying and apply appropriate alternative therapies and give openness to the dying’s hopes and dreams. This does not mean one exists in a state of denial. On the contrary, this means, one accepts the dire situation and the nature of the disease, but also expresses the hope that is inherent to human dignity.
In nourishing both the dignity of living the death process as well as hope, those in pastoral care and pastoral thanatology can better treat the emotional element of the dying. It is as equally important that hospice or health providers not only treat and alleviate suffering of the body, but also the mind. This is why pastoral thanatology is so important in hospice.
If we do not understand the needs of the dying from an emotional standpoint or treat the dying as living, then we miss the entire point of pastoral care for the dying. We also miss the point of the human condition and the importance of death in the entire process of life. Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler were both pioneers in their field in expressing the rights and needs of the dying. They both dedicated their life to helping others experience death. They also helped train and educate so many people about death.
If we do not understand death now, we will not be able to have a better death ourselves, nor be equipped to help one’s loved one’s experience death. So many regrets and un-needed pains exist because the dying experience was not properly conducted in terms to expression of emotion or inclusion of the dying in their own affairs. Death is seen as the final chapter and as a scary one at that. It is fine to be intimidated by it, but it is part of life and like all aspects of life, it is critical that we live death to its fullest. We need to respect it as much as we respect birth and respond to it properly.
If you would like to learn more about Pastoral Thanatology or would like to become certified in Pastoral Thanatology, then please review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Teenage years can be confusing. Bodily changes, emotional swings, and mental challenges all come upon the teen at once. With all of these changes, comes life changes and new adaptations to Highschool and early adulthood. These things can lead teens to be very moldable and sensitive to others and peer pressure. With these changes, teens can have low self esteem and poor body image if they are not encouraged and complimented. These poor images can later in life also re-emerge in depression in adult life.
Teens can have poor body images which can lead to depression now and later in life. Please also review AIHCP’s Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Program
The article, “Teens with negative body image may experience depression as adults, study finds” by Kristen Rogers looks at this connection. She states,
“Adolescence is fraught with stressful changes, and the developing body can be one of those challenges, especially if a teen’s body doesn’t meet society’s — or that teen’s — standards. Negative body image can threaten mental health, according to new research that found teenagers who were dissatisfied with their bodies tended to experience depression as adults.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Program. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified grief counselors who are seeking a sub specialty area in child grief.
