Loss equates to change and that change equates to a series of adaptation called grief. The greater the connection or bond to the loss, the greater the change and subsequently, greater the grief. While many view loss as a tangible object, person or place, loss can also be intangible. The loss of a youth is a classic intangible reality that many grieve the loss of over time. The loss of vitality, energy, strength, health, physical looks, and abilities plague every type of person, from the ordinary worker, or model to the athlete. The adaptation to being aging can be a great grief. It is such a great grief that tales of the Fountain of Youth are found in legends. Youth and eternal life is something all grieve the loss of.
The loss of such youthful qualities begins to set around middle age where greys emerge, aches increase, and wrinkles appear. This adaptation and comparison to how one once was can be a difficult time for middle aged people. This has led to what one refers to as Midlife crisis, where individuals start to release that they are not eternal and time is ticking. For women, they may question their fertility and if no children, they may start to grieve the lack of a family. Men may start to grieve the loss of their once sexual prowess and date younger women, or find replacement value in new fancy cars. These are all coping methods to adapt to the loss. Some cope better, while others have a difficult time with the change. Some at this age also begin to lose parents or find themselves in a care giver capacity where parents no longer care for them but they care for the parents.
After middle age, the period of retirement soon looms. This change is large. Individuals can lose a sense of value after work. They can lose a sense of identity. The once proud engineer, now finds himself lost at home without problems to solve, or the once firefighter, finds himself without the thrill of the job and joy of saving others. These life changes are indeed losses for many. Others may find joy in the time and adapt well but others like the above may seek fulfillment because they know lack their position and former identity.
In later age, individuals are left with memories of times long gone. Health may be a serious issue or merely the fact of age itself. Those lucky enough to be healthy, still will have consistent aches, slower movement, and less abilities to even drive a vehicle. They will be dependent upon others for help with groceries or for getting somewhere. They will also in many cases, mourn the loss of so many individuals in their lives and have hopefully learned to cope with those multiple losses.
Age and death are a reality. Every second, since the moment we were born, we have been on a crash course collision with death. Every phase of life has its numerous challenges and changes. We can either accept those life realities or fight them. Those who mourn the losses, adjust to the changes have a better road map of life, while those who fight aging and death, will never truly find happiness.
Instead of a mid life crisis, one should evaluate where they are and make positive changes. Learn from the early mistakes of young adulthood and proceed forward. Understand one’s new role to the younger generation and older generation and embrace it. Those facing retirement, should embrace the change and find solace in rest but also look for new adventures that were never able possible due to a 40 hour work week. Those who are in their golden age, should reflect on the long life as a gift and see the multitude of blessings that were also infused to their long life.
One can lament the past, worry about the future or enjoy the present. Enjoy the challenges that come with being the age one is and learn to cope with the losses but also enjoy the successes that come with age group. No particular age in this fallen temporal world is perfect, but each age we enter into has new challenges but also new blessings. We are not here to deny the losses, but to accept them with the many blessings in the story of life. Many die young in life and that was their complete story, but others have a much longer book. Enjoy that book and make the most of it.
If you would like to learn more about grief or help others through grief, please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program in online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.