The Loss of a Job and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Losing a job is a loss.  It has many elements that lead to grief, sadness, loss of identity, pride and numerous secondary financial implications.   One can lose a sense of hope when one loses the financial security a good job provides and lead one into despair and poor coping.  It is important, as in any loss, to maintain good coping strategies and remain optimistic and confident in one self.  One needs to find the ability, despite the pain, fear and grief, to proceed forward with courage and optimism to find a new job.

Losing a job is emotional. It can be a loss of self, plus the numerous secondary financial, healthcare related, and family care related issues that come with it

 

The article, “Job loss, grief and professional identity” by Mark Carey takes a closer look at the implications surrounding job loss.  He notes the initial shock and anger associated with it but also pushes the reader to find hope and cope in healthy ways to find a new job.  He does not dismiss the pain or secondary issues surrounding job loss, but looks to provide some guidance in better responding to the loss itself.  He states,

“Losing a job can also become an unforeseen positive transformation and I have seen clients over the years pivot successfully without losing a sense of self-identity. Many clients do not buy into the idea that their job is who they are. These clients transition between jobs without falling apart and making huge leaps forward in a way thought impossible before the termination. One door closes and another opens. I have to say that most clients I have worked with actually find better paying and more personally satisfying jobs after being terminated or laid off.”

“Job loss, grief and professional identity”. Carey, M. (2023). Westfair Business Journal. Access here

Commentary

Job loss involves numerous losses.  Albeit many of them do not need to define one or prevent one from reaching even better positions with other employers.  Still, the loss for some can be very overbearing.  One element is sense of self.  Some individuals, who even retire, have the issue of not knowing who they are outside their profession.  A life long cop may have issues retiring or being let go.  Likewise, helping professions and skilled laborers who are defined by these professional talents may feel they no longer matter without those positions or responsibilities.  While a career plays a big role in what we do and love, we cannot equate a job identically to oneself.  Individuals are more than what they do and it is important to understand that.  Also, there are transitions in life, when one position in life transitions into another and while our positions change, we still remain ourselves. They are accidental qualities.  While some positions in life mean more than others, we are still simply us.  It is important during job loss, retirement, or transition, that we are more than what we do, even if what we do matters alot.

Losing a job affects numerous aspects of self and life itself. Please also review AIHCP’S Grief Counseling Program

 

Beyond loss of identity, many individuals also suffer from change itself.  The change of finding a new place to work.  The change of new co-workers.  The change of new work schedules or new training skills.  Others have a difficulty emotionally.  Maybe they feel betrayed, or upset over the termination.  Maybe they feel angry over the job loss.  During the transition, negative emotions may limit their ability to cope and lead to a down time of bad decisions involving drugs, or excessive sleep.  Individuals may let themselves physically and mentally lose focus and neglect their physical and mental health.

Still others may be haunted by the financial and secondary losses of job loss.  The worry of rent, or house payments, or car payments, or basic utilities.  They may worry over the loss of certain life styles, or even the fear of caring for their family and children.  Some children may need healthcare or need funds for school.  These worries become very real very fast when a financial line is suddenly cut.

Coping through Job Loss

While job loss presents so many issues as noted above, individuals can still proceed forward and find new employment.  Skilled workers rarely remain unemployed and unskilled workers can still find supplemental jobs that may not be as good but may fill the gap till a better job comes along.  Individuals need to remain in contact with family and friends and utilize their support system to maintain confidence and self esteem.  They should work on building a resume and preparing for job interviews.  With optimism, energy should be put into a job search.

Maintaining a positive outlook and creating a plan are key coping strategies during job loss

 

In addition, the individual should maintain mental and physical care of oneself.  Self care is key during this period.  Exercise and gym are pivotal to maintaining the schedule one once had.  Bad habits can easily creep into life and derail an individuals hard work ethic.  There are sometimes some good at that can come out of it.  Sometimes, it opens doors to a better job and sometimes it also gives one time, especially if laid off, to find a little bit of rest for a short period of time.  Try to find positives while finding a new job.

For those retiring, it may be good to look maybe to a hobby or finding volunteer work that can fill the void.  Those in human service rarely are able to stop helping people and many who retire eventually doing side projects and volunteer work.  Others should take the time to enjoy family and vacation or at least a new hobby.

Some may not cope well and feel depressed or even enter into depression.  If so, one should seek help from a licensed professional counselor with emphasis in grief counseling to help one through the dark period of time.

Conclusion

Job loss or retirement is a transition or change.  As a change it can cause grief and distress. It is clearly a loss because it takes something away.  It can take away self image, or self value, but it can also take away life style by limiting one’s financial or social status.  While a job is not who one is, it very much plays a big role in what one does and is able to do in life.  It plays a large role in a person’s sense of purpose.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

 

Additional Resources

“Job Loss and the Stages of Grief: Coping and Recovering”. McLaren, P. (2020). PsychReg.  Access here

“The 5 Stages of Grief After a Loss”. Health Essentials. (2022). Cleveland Clinic.  Access here

“How to Handle Being Laid Off”. Smith, L. (2021). WebMed. Access here

“How to Support Clients With Job Loss Depression & Stress”. Latif, S. (2022). Positive Psychology.  Access here

 

Parenting While Grieving

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Parenting is not an easy vocation to start but when extra issues in life pile up, then parenting can become even more difficult.  When stressors, losses, illness, or problems arise, parents still need to be able to fulfill their duties to their children. There are no days off when it comes to helping the kids with school, taking them places, cooking, caring and spending time with them but sometimes parents can feel the weight of life, especially during loss and grief.  When grieving and mourning enter into a parent’s life, mother or father do not have the luxury to call off work, or not the children to school, or skip dinner or not wash clothes.  Parents are called to march forward.  This is critical but it can also be bad for grieving and mental health.

Parenting is challenging but when a parent is grieving it is even more difficult. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

The mental health for a parent is extremely important.  Like in an airplane, when the steward or stewardess explains that in an emergency, adults should place the oxygen mask on first before applying to a child, it is for a reason.  If a parent falls, the child or children will also fall.  So while duty is critical, it is also critical for parents to find the space and time needed to grieve or mourn.  In this blog, we will look closer at the difficult times, when parents have to grieve and still perform at high levels for the welfare of their children.

Mental Health and Support

In times of loss, mental health care and support are so important.  While to many of us, our parents appeared as super powered beings, the reality is they suffered the same emotions we suffer as adults.  They had good and bad days.  They did not always choose the right decision and had to learn the hard way and they also dealt with loss.  As younger children, we may not have noticed this, or maybe even very rarely, but our childhood image of our parents is due to their excellent ability to care.  Unfortunately, some individuals may have negative experiences with parents.  Their parents may have fallen victim to drinking and abuse, or vanished when loss occurred.  They may have spoken nothing of loss or pain and hid it to their own detriment.

For some, family support is available, for others it is lacking. However, the importance of a family that can grieve together and communicate cannot be over emphasized

 

Our experiences with our parents can easily shape our own when parenting-for good and bad.  It is important when grieving to find a balance.  It is OK to show vulnerability to a child but also to ensure that the child still feels secure.   So when dealing with grief and loss, parents need to be able to balance their own feelings and the need to maintain the security and welfare of their children.  This involves allowing oneself time to mourn.  The grief needs to be processed and experienced. If the grief persists and intensifies, then one should seek help from a grief counselor, and if it becomes pathological, one should seek the aid of a licensed professional counselor,

Some parents have better support than others.  Some have a spouse to help lean on, while others have a bigger family to share the grief.  Some parents though may be single parents, or have little or no family support.  They may be over worked and have a full schedule that prohibits time.  These over bearing responsibilities may compound the grief.  So while some may be able to find the help they need or take time off, others live in a colder reality.  Whether blessed, supported or alone and over worked, one can still find basic help services and as well as find time.  Time may need carved out of the day, but one needs to find the time to process the loss, mourn, and be able to express it outwardly.  If one does not find time to re-generate, whether through a walk, meditation, spiritual journey, exercise, or a discussion with a good friend, then the grief will only become stronger and parental burnout may occur.

Sharing Emotion within the Family Unit

Families may tend to be overtly open with emotion or introvert in regards to expressing it.  Grief myths that dictate time schedules, or expression of grief, or sharing grief with children, can only fracture the family unit more.  Instead, express grief with a spouse, or the children.  Communicate that daddy or mommy are very sad.  Reassure to the children that this will not affect their security but share with them the reality that you are going through grief and loss.  This is an excellent way for children to learn to express empathy.  Children will hug and listen and in their own way express grief too.  The grief may very well be affecting not just you but the children as well.  Hence it is important to discuss the loss and include the children in discussion of the loss with real and concrete words about the nature of death.  Let the children partake in rituals and ceremonies and allow them to comfort you.

Communicating feelings and grief not only helps the parent but also teaches the child empathy and proper grieving and coping

 

For most parents, the loss in all probability is of a parent, or tragically a sibling.  These types of losses are extremely painful and children will also experience a shared loss.  While it may be your parent you lost, it still their grandparent.  Hence, it is important to share grief with the child or children and both mutually heal from each other.  This not only helps heal but it also passes on good mourning skills.  Many children inherit bad mourning skills.  They learn to hide emotion, or turn to improper coping methods to curb grief through imitation of mom or dad.

Families can also grow together closer through grief.  While also expressing, they can also memorialize loss and remember together the person over time.  In addition, they can build relationships that are stronger through this shared experience of loss.  Parents can be good grieving examples to their children and children can be good and empathetic listeners when they are permitted into a circle.  Excluding them can have negative effects on yourself but also their development.

The Loss of a Child

If a mother miscarries, or the couple lose a child already born, this has life long ramifications.  It is in itself, its own blog, but this is when parents need to not only grieve for the loss but also help the child grieve the loss of his/her sibling.  It is so important to involve the child in the rituals and to let the child speak verbally or through play.  Monitoring the child and ensuring they are exhibiting no magical thinking is important.  If the child has guilt for the death, then it needs dismissed.  So while the parent grieves, the parent also is ensuring that the surviving child still heals properly from the loss.  Again this is why it is so critical that the family grieves together and proper grieving styles are passed on to the next generation.

Conclusion

Parenting not easy but when grief and loss are thrown into the middle, it becomes far more difficult.  Parents need to not only care for their own mental health but they also need to express loss and grief to their children to ensure security for the child but also an understanding of what grief is and how to share it and be empathetic.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification as well as its specialty program in Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling

 

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification, as well as its Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Certification and see if the programs meet your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.  The Child and Adolescent Grief Program is a specialty program that is only available for already those certified in Grief Counseling.

Additional Resources

“Can Parenting While Grieving Force You to Heal?”. Cytrynbaum, P. (2013).  Psychology Today.  Access here

“Parenting While Grieving”. Haley, E. (2015). Whats Your Grief.  Access here

“Grieving While Parenting”. Eiseman, J. (2019). Mental Health Match.  Access here

“Parenting while grieving”. Hetter, K. (2011). CNN.  Access here

Emotional Control and Communication in Conflict Resolution

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Conflict is natural because of disagreement.  Whether the conflict is minor, verbal, or becomes violent, depends on the situation, time and place.  Individually and socially, conflict occurs everyday at different levels.  Whether at work and a disagreement occurs, or at home and an argument ensures, conflict is part of daily life.  Just because conflict and differences exist, does not mean it has to be a bad thing or dangerous thing.  While many conflicts spiral out of control into professional, personal or even social chaos, conflicts do not need to become divisive and destructive forces.  Differences can be discussed, mended and aligned to incorporate benefits for everyone.

Conflict resolution requires emotional control, communication, listening and an ability to understand wants and needs of self and other.

 

However, certain differences can only be mended so far.  Certain differences cannot always make every side happy and certain differences will leave some with some resentment.  It is how one intellectually and emotionally handles a conflict that matters sometime the most.  When wars result or family feuds ensue, then no matter the conclusion, no-one benefits.  Hence it is important to to not only employ good conflict resolution skills but also manage emotions.

Emotions

Emotions can turn an argument or conflict into an aggressive verbal and sometimes physical battle with only impasses.  In this case, when entering into any conflict resolution meeting, or entering into argument or debate, to present oneself with a calm mind.   Anger Management is key.  Focusing on dislikes of other person or group,  lingering on past insults or wrongs, allowing prejudices to warp the intellect and issuing insults can only escalate.  The key is to de-escalate when conflict emerges during discussion.  It is important to identify one’s own triggers, as well as the other individual’s triggers.   Once these are identified, it is easier to avoid and also limit. Avoid being overly defensive or quick to respond if something upsets.  There are good ways to respond to criticism and bad ways.  It is key during conflict resolution to respond well.

Conflict resolution requires emotional control and intellectual reason.

 

Furthermore, one needs to identify tone of voice, body position and movement in regards to dealing with the individual.  How one initially represents oneself can determine the outcome of a discussion.  This is true when arguing with a spouse or friend, debating with another person, crafting a business deal, negotiating a bill, or even responding to an officer at a basic traffic stop. When one insults or past biases are voiced in an aggressive manner, the other person will automatically assume a more defensive position and be far less willing to listen.  Name calling and insulting while dismissing the primary topic is a good way to end any resolution before it ever begins.  Instead be calm and collective and be positive.  Avoid negative sentences and “I” statements, but keep very close to the topic and avoid ad hominem argumentation.   Compliments and acknowledgement of other another side’s view and an appreciation of one’s concerns can open a far more healthy dialogue.

Communication

Obviously a healthy a dialogue is the purpose.  Each dialogue has an end goal.  To reach the established end goal, involves communication and listening.  When one speaks so loudly above others, one not only alienates oneself from the other side, but also is unable to hear points and counter points. When pointing out strengths and weaknesses of one’s view,  there should be a clear line of respect and time for each side to fully articulate each other’s point of view.  Proper listening and communication is hence a pre-requisite in any negotiation or mediation and is as important as emotional control.

Reactions to Conflict

When dealing with conflict there are a variety of ways to handle it.  The article, “5 Conflict Resolution Strategies: Steps, Benefits and Tips” by Jennifer Herrity points out some key ways some may deal with conflict and its resolution.  She states,

“Conflicts are struggles that can arise during an active disagreement of opinions or interests, so it’s important to understand how to navigate and resolve them. In the workplace, there are many instances in which conflict can happen between coworkers, and when it does, it is important to resolve the situation before it escalates. In this article, we discuss five conflict resolution strategies, how to use them in the workplace and the benefits of conflict resolution…Different people use different methods to resolve conflict, depending on their personalities and preferences. The five most common strategies, known as the (Kenneth) Thomas-(Ralph) Kilmann model,  used to resolve conflicts in the workplace include”

“5 Conflict Resolution Strategies: Steps, Benefits and Tips”. Herrity, J. (2023). Indeed.

To review the entire article, please click here

Individuals when dealing with conflict can avoid the argument completely.  This passive reaction to an argument can lead many unresolved issues and deeper resentment.  Many introverts and passive individuals will flee conflict however instead of arguing or feeling bullied into an issue by a more aggressive personality.  Avoidance may relieve temporary tension but it does not resolve the existing issue.

How to resolve a conflict has many options. Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Program

 

Other individuals will actively engage and compete against the other person. They will completely and totally reject the entirety of the other person’s argument and push only for one’s own ideal or solution.  This leads to active hostility and disagreement and also offers no other solution.  Whether in business, politics, or international war, this leads to one eventually exerting power over the other or leaving a totally dissatisfied side which will later re-emerge with similar issues.Other individuals will accommodate the other individual.  This may lead to short term peace but again only presents a lingering issue.  Sometimes accommodation is purposely utilized to resolve short term issues with true sights on longer term venues.

Compromising, like accommodation, also provides a short term solution but usually leads to longer term issues and revisiting to the lasting issue.  Those in compromise though both walk away with a distaste but also a small gain.

Finally, collaboration is the ultimate solution when possible.  In this scenario, all individuals win because they work together towards something better.  Each side realizes the value of the other and combine their forces and ideas towards a greater good.

Character Matters

Understanding the sides of both and avoiding bias is key in conflict resolution. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Certification

 

Individuals must also during any type of negotiation or conflict resolution possess some sort of character and ability to read it in others.  One should be able to analyze one’s own strength and weaknesses and see where one is right or wrong.  One must also understand the type of personality one is dealing with across from them.  What type of temperament, personality and demeanor consists within this individual.  Are they more of an exertive dominant Personality A, or a more passive Personality B?  One should be prepared to know maximum and minimum extremes one will waver, as well as the other, and then make a solid logical and honest agreement.  Keeping one’s word and processing a fair agreement meets with all standards of justice and integrity.  When many nations or individuals break deals, conflict is always unavoidable.  This is why the deal should always be just and not overtly benefiting oneself.  Trouble will only emerge later.  This should be seen as looking out for the future and avoiding unneeded drama in future days.

Conclusion

Personal interaction will always breed conflict because different people have different opinions.  It is important to protect one’s own interests but to also be fair and just. This is accomplished through communication, listening and understanding the person.  It involves anger management and emotional restraint in how one debates another view.  It demands logic, justice and a fair view of oneself.  When these qualities are missing, conflict resolution is moot and conflict itself will emerge.

Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention, Anger Management and Stress Management Programs.  The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.  Those seeking to help resolve issues and conflicts can easily utilize a Crisis Intervention Certification or Anger Management Certification to their resume and utilize the skills to better apply conflict resolution both personally and professionally whether at home, work, school, politics or at the international level.

Resources

“Conflict Resolution” MTCT. Mind Tools.  Access here

“How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation”. Gallo, A. (2017). Harvard Business Review. Access here

“Conflict Resolution Skills”. (2023). HelpGuide.org.  Access here

“14 Conflict Resolution Strategies for the Workplace”. Wilson, C. (2022). Positive Psychology.  Access here

 

 

 

 

Grief Counseling and Eating Disorders

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Eating disorders stem from within.  The person has a low self image or utilizes eating as a coping mechanism to deal with loss, stress or trauma.  Some starve themselves, while others over-eat to escape the pain.   Individuals with low self image of themselves have a inaccurate view and are obsessed due to low self esteem to starve oneself and an attempt to find a never attainable weight.  While those who face pain and loss, may cope by binge eating.  Both extremes are unhealthy and can lead to multiple health issues.

Counseling and proper coping are key to remove poor self image and poor coping strategies.  Grief Counseling and therapy from a licensed counselor can help.  Licensed counselors who are also certified in Grief Counseling can also help.  Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.

Crisis and Suicide Assessment

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Suicide is vital in any counseling whether clinical or pastoral.  Pastoral counselors should refer patients or members of the community to a professional counselor if he or she feels the person is experiencing depression and suicidal ideation.   In most cases, suicide assessment will consider a person to be low risk or high risk.  As opposed to low risk, high risk individuals have a far worst depression and a more lethal plan.

Suicide assessment is key in assigning low or high risk individuals. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention program

 

When anyone feels depressed, especially over time, it can become overwhelming.  This is why when helping depressed and grieving individuals to probe and ask questions about suicide.  It is critical to ask if one wishes to hurt or harm oneself when interviewing the patient.  It is important to see if those types of thoughts or ideas are entering the person’s mind.  If someone who is experiencing depression states they feel hopeless, then this is definitely a warning sign.  Not all hopeless individuals commit suicide, but anyone who has ever attempted or committed suicide definitely felt hopeless.

If the seriousness of an assessment manifests, then one needs to determine if one is low risk or high risk.  Many individuals in pain or depressed may think occasionally of killing oneself, but do not have the intention, desire or capability to do so, but as thoughts of suicidal ideation become more frequent and loud, then an assessment is definitely needed.  Hence after assessing symptoms of depression and the thought or at least implicit idea of suicide within the patient’s mind, it is important to access whether this person is low or high risk.  High risk individuals will require more intense observation and measures, while low risk will require less intense intervention.

If one makes comments about harming oneself, the next question is to determine lethality of the plan.   Is the plan doable?  Are the means, times and places for the event possible? If someone dictates one would like to shoot oneself, then access if this person has access to firearms.  A person who points out that he owns a gun that is at home and currently loaded in his closet poses a severely high risk.  Hence the more detailed the plan the higher the risk level.  If a person has access to the weapon named in the thought and a time planned, then immediate intervention is required. Police should be called or the person should be submitted to a psych ward for observation.  If the person on the other hand does not have access or ability to commit immediately, one should be immediately referenced to professional counseling for depression.

Someone who is high risk has more detailed plans, numerous thoughts, deeper depression, more drinking and drug issues, and access to carry out the plans. High risk individuals are also individuals who have survived past attempts.  So it is important to ask these questions as well, but also including family history of suicide.   Unfortunately, many individuals due to mental health stigmas, keep their sadness and depression to themselves.  No-one is aware of the high risk involved with the loved one or friend.  Many times, friends and family miss the subtle comments about life and death or the anxiety and depression someone is enduring.  Awareness, questions and listening are key in helping depressed individuals find the help they need.  Assessments can later be employed to determine the risk level.

When one is in crisis, it is important to ask questions about self harm or hurting oneself and see if anyone is frequently thinking of it or planning it

 

If anyone manifests any level of suicidal ideation, it is important to convince the person to make a no-suicide contract in which the individual promises to call someone if the person feels low, hopeless, or ideation of killing oneself manifests.   This last outlet may be the helping hand one needs not to take it to the next step. In this type of contact, the person promises to call a loved one or yourself if ideation manifests.  Sometimes this last call for help is the difference between life and death.  It is also important to discuss the frequency of alcohol and drug use during this period of time and how it can play a role in poor decisions.

Individuals kill themselves not because they want to die but because they do not feel life is worth living.  Many of them are not in the proper state of mind due to depression, trauma or extreme pain.  These individuals need counseling and help so they do not fall victim to suicide itself.  With so many stigmas surrounding suicide, it is important to remember that someone who commits it or attempts is dealing with temporary mental illness.  One should not blame but try to help.  It is not a true sin in the classical sense that once was attributed to it but a true mental state of imbalance.

Pastoral caregivers can play a key role in helping members of the congregation work through suicidal thoughts.  They can be the first line of defense for those who have noone to talk to or discuss their feelings with.  They can mentor, guide and help individuals find hope when they are depressed.  Christian Counselors, pastoral counselors and those in ministry should all have crisis intervention training and suicide prevention training.  This will enable them to better help individuals suffering from these types of thoughts.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling, Christian Counseling and Crisis Intervention Counseling Programs.  The programs all to some extent touch on suicide.  The Grief program discussing the role of depression and loss in suicide.  The Christian Counseling Program discusses the pastoral implications from a Christian perspective and the Crisis Intervention Program discusses suicide prevention, assessment and helping individuals who are in a state of acute crisis.  All the programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals who work in the counseling and ministry fields.  Please review and see if the program meets your academic and professional goals.

Again, if in any type of counseling, whether professional or pastoral, be sure to have a complete understanding and working suicide assessment list.  Also, if anyone is feeling worthless or hopeless, please call the National Suicide Hotline and seek help.  Simply dial 988. Hurting oneself is never the answer.

Additional Resources

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.  Access here

“Suicide Assessment”.  Access here

“How to assess and intervene with patients at risk of suicide”. Clay, R. (2022).  APA.  Access here

“Adult Outpatient Brief Suicide Safety Assessment Guide”. National Institute of Mental Health. Access here

Crisis Intervention and Policing

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

One of the hottest topics today is policing the police and training them better to respond to crisis situations and better de-escalate and utilize less lethal force.  This is a difficult situation no doubt.  Police face tough situations and last second decision making under intense stress is a norm of their day.   Police obviously deserve the utmost respect for the jobs they do in enforcement of law and protection but the fact remains their exists a strong divide among minority populations, and the overall population in general, with the men and women in blue.

De-escalation and crisis intervention skills are needed in policing. It protects the public and also the officer. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Certification

 

This distrust has led to numerous confrontations with police auditors who push the limits with what an officer can ask and do.  It also has led to confrontations in protests, defund the police marches, and the minority populations who sometimes are racially profiled.   The old friendly “Andy of Mayberry” days seem to be a distant memory, or even a fairy tale, where officers policed the neighborhood and were seen as good guys.  Instead, apprehension, anger and mistrust exist with every pull over or officer call.  Much of this has to do with a few bad cops, who abuse their authority.  The George Floyd case comes to mind, when officers brutally murdered a man in plain sight without any compassion or concern for the man’s breathing.

Like bad clergy or priests, bad cops are a minority, but they gain the spot light and also show a shade of blue society does not want policing them.  This has only amplified the intense scrutiny on officers in regards to attitude, procedure and response to mental illness.  Some cops although not corrupt are not fit to serve the population due to anger issues, procedural errors, or inability to respond properly during high stress.  Many officers, especially ex soldiers, act as if they are in a state of war and throw orders and demands as if in the military to the civilians.   These are not acceptable standards and are definitely issues when dealing with individuals who have mental illness.  Quick to submit, dominate, or in worst cases, shoot have become too common.

Being a police officer is not easy.  It not only demands the skills and mind to police, but it also takes a special person without authority issues, anger problems, or inability to act cool under pressure.  The standards are high and many police perform at this standard, but it takes only one time, one bad day.  This is why it is so hard for the good cops who try.  At any moment, they may find themselves in internal affairs investigation, or subject to lawsuit, or find themselves arrested for excessive force.  Hence it is equally important to the police officers, as well as the public to have better crisis response and de-escalation plans in effect.

The article, “Crisis Intervention Attempts Involving Policing In The United States” by Lisa Landram takes a closer look at how police departments are implementing better crisis training and policing procedures for their officers.  Landram states,

“But many municipalities in the U.S. are also grappling with intervention attempts involving policing. Crisis response teams vary in their approaches to addressing mental health throughout the United States. A national survey by the National Police Foundation called “How Small Law Enforcement Agencies Respond to Calls Involving Person in Crisis” found that there were different approaches that agencies take to develop a more effective response to calls involving persons in behavioral health crisis. The findings from the survey are based on responses from a random sample of 380 municipal police and sheriff offices with between 10 and 75 sworn officers between February and October 2020.”

“Crisis Intervention Attempts Involving Policing In The United States”. Landram, L. (2023). Daily News-Record

To review the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Landram illustrates various ways local departments are answering the call to better train their officers and also implement better crisis response.  Of the key elements, she notes that training involves recognition of basic mental illness is being implemented.  The training involves not only the types but what to expect if encountering someone with mental illness or under substance abuse.

An additional training also includes teaching officers the basics in crisis intervention, communication and especially de-escalation.  De-escalating at its core though means officers must become more “thick skinned” in regards to responses of individuals to orders, as well as ignoring insults or slurs.  While it is horrible officers are verbally accosted, the job demands a high standard that some cannot meet, and for those, who cannot, then policing may not be one’s career, especially considering officers carry lethal force.

Police offers can learn a variety of crisis intervention skills and departments can partner with mental health facilities to deliver safer response to mentally ill calls

 

Another key element listed was the importance of a closer correlation with mental health professionals with the department.  This partnership would involve officers having more support from mental health professionals via call, or in person on mental health calls.  This also involves 911 and dispatch officers offering better details regarding a mental health call issue and warning the officers on scene that someone is not mentally well.

Finally, the department needs better cooperation for facilities that deal with substance abuse and mental health during a potential arrest.  Jail is not the answer for these individuals and can in some cases traumatize them more.

Public Response to Officers

Most officers are good.  Not all situations involve racial profiling, harassments, or cops with attitudes.  Tickets may be annoying, but ultimately officers are performing a civic duty.  While as US citizens we have certain rights, sometimes working with an officer is the best thing.  Simple courtesy goes a long way.   While police should not seek illicit information during an investigation or pull over that is not legal, they sometimes do and knowing your rights and what needs to be handed over or not is key.  One always has the right to remain silent, but it is important to know one’s state laws requiring identification or pull over procedure.

Again, sometimes, working together and being compliant and respectful goes a long way.  Realize officers live a high stress life and as human beings can reach a point where too much attitude or abuse pushes them over the limit.  So, in essence, know your rights, but also understand the situation and what they are going through.  Mutually working together can reduce stress, tension and anxiety.

Police Stressors

As stated, police are subject to horrible things they see everyday.  They can suffer from PTSD and easily be triggered as well.  It is obviously important that the department keeps officers in good mental health.  Officers see death, abuse, shootings and live action on a consistent basis.  They are in a fight or flight mode consistently.  Traffic stops themselves may be their very last without proper care.

In addition to shootings, losing fellow officers, cops deal with a variety of other issues.  Consistent verbal abuse, negative press, pressure from municipal authorities,  and lack of staffing and funding.  In essence it is an extremely stressful job and plays one component in the overall problem of de-escalation and policing.  Hence departments must provide stress care in addition to crisis intervention training, to keep the minds and emotional stability of good cops sharp and healthy.

Conclusion

Policing is a sacred trust.  A few bad officers can ruin the entire image but other officers need to learn better de-escalation skills.  Certain qualities of officers need adjusted that are militaristic and ultra authoritarian.  It is not fair, especially when dealing with  a rude and ungrateful public, but the job demands more now than ever.  Crisis Intervention skills protects not only the public but the officer him/herself.

Good policing involves restraint, de-escalation skills, and communication. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention Program

 

AIHCP offers a Crisis Intervention Consulting Certification for qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.  Police officers are excellent candidates as well for this program.  Departments looking for certification programs for their officers can review the program and see if it matches the fit for their officers.

Additional Resources

“Police stressors and health: a state-of-the-art review”.  Violanti, J. et. etc. (2019). Policing. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2019 Mar 5.  Published in final edited form as: Policing. 2017 Nov; 40(4): 642–656.  Access here

“Occupational stress in policing: What the research says and what leaders can do about it”. Segovia, R. (2022). Police1.  Access here

“Fighting Stress in the Law Enforcement Community”. Dawson, J. (2019). National Institute of Justice Journal.  Access here

“De-Escalation: A Commonsense Approach”. Ranalli, M. (2020). Lexipol.  Access here

“If We Want to Reduce Deaths at Hands of Police, We Need to Reduce Traffic Stops”. Johnson, T &  Johnson, N. (2023). Time.  Access here

“Highly Rated and most Frequent Stressors among Police Officers: Gender Differences”. Violanti, J. et. etc. (2016). Am J Crim Justice. Author manuscript; available in PMC 2017 Dec 1) Published in final edited form as: Am J Crim Justice. 2016 Dec; 41(4): 645–662.  Access here

Unique Nature of Female Anger

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Like many stereotypes and cultural norms, women are expected to behave certain ways.  Unlike men, according to these norms, women cannot entertain rage or anger in public.  These images are farther from the truth for all human beings experience anger, but women are expected to internalize anger.  Quite the opposite with men, who release anger and rage and have created their own stereotype that males are more aggressive.  These ideals of human behavior according to the genders are opposite in grief, where women externalize and men internalize.  Which emotion that is shown or hidden is applied to gender by society and when one sees conflicting displays, individuals begin to question.  The reality again is that all human beings are different and even anger is not always internalized in women, much the same way grief is not supposed to always be internalized by men.

Society dismisses anger in women. Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Consulting Certification

 

The ideas of women and aggression are mostly seen with motherhood or romantic slight.  Other than this, cultural norms dictate a more timid and peaceful gender, but this can be damaging to a woman.  Like all human beings, expression of any emotion is key and the ability to properly process anger is essential to existence.  The article, “HELL HATH NO FURY: AN EXPLORATION OF FEMALE RAGE” by Pema Bakshi looks at gender roles, anger in women, and how women can better express anger in the modern world.  She states,

“Rage is a response. My rage has been one that festers. Like a flame that whips itself from smoke to spark to a raging inferno, it clouds my vision and wells in my eyes. It’s the clench in my jaw and the terminal tension in my shoulders. With a taut smile fixed on my mug, though, it’s hardly recognisable – anger in women seldom is. But the thing that fuses rage with fire, is that it can swallow us, or, when mobilised, aid our survival.  Data from global research firm Gallup, collated from over 150 countries across a decade, tells us that women are only getting angrier. And as Jennifer Cox, a London-based psychotherapist and founder of Women Are Mad, explains, this anger in women is chronically misunderstood.”

“HELL HATH NO FURY: AN EXPLORATION OF FEMALE RAGE”. Bakshi, P. Grazia

To read read the entire article, please click here

Commentary

 

It is important to recognize women and their anger. Too many times, women are labeled emotional and hormonal.  It is important for women to be able express emotion without labeling. It is important to actual investigate what is occurring and why women are upset.

The societal expectations and stereotypes around anger in women

Society has long perpetuated the stereotype of the “angry woman” as someone who is irrational, hysterical, and out of control. This stereotype not only undermines the validity of women’s anger but also limits their ability to express themselves fully. Women are often discouraged from expressing anger, being labeled as “difficult” or “overreacting” when they do so. This societal bias creates a double standard, where men are allowed to express anger more freely while women are expected to remain calm and composed.

The consequences of repressed anger in women

Repressed anger can have detrimental effects on a woman’s mental and physical well-being. When anger is not expressed or properly managed, it can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. Additionally, repressed anger can manifest in passive-aggressive behavior or self-destructive habits. It is essential to recognize that anger is a valid emotion and find healthy ways to express and process it.

Empowering women to express and navigate their anger

To empower women to express and navigate their anger, it is crucial to challenge societal expectations and stereotypes. Women need to be encouraged to embrace their anger as a natural and valid emotion. By acknowledging their anger, women can begin to understand the underlying causes and triggers, allowing for healthier expressions and responses.

A woman’s anger should not be dismissed as mental or hormonal. It should be recognized and validated.

Transforming anger into positive action

Anger has the power to be a catalyst for positive change. Instead of suppressing or lashing out in anger, women can channel their energy into productive actions. This could involve advocating for social justice, creating art, or participating in activism. By transforming anger into positive action, women can empower themselves and others, creating lasting change.

Tools and techniques for managing anger in women

Managing anger requires developing effective tools and techniques. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and physical activities such as yoga or boxing can help release pent-up anger in a healthy way. Journaling and talking to a trusted friend or therapist can provide an outlet for processing and understanding anger. It is important to find what works best for each individual, as everyone’s journey with anger is unique.

The importance of self-care in anger management

Self-care plays a vital role in anger management. Engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation can help reduce stress and prevent anger from escalating. This could include practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-reflection. Taking care of oneself is not selfish; it is a necessary step in managing anger and promoting overall well-being.

Seeking support and professional help for anger issues in women

If anger becomes overwhelming or begins to interfere with daily life, seeking support and professional help is essential. Therapy can provide a safe space for women to explore their anger and develop healthy coping mechanisms. A therapist can also help address any underlying issues or traumas that may contribute to the anger. It is crucial to reach out for help without shame or guilt, as seeking support is a sign of strength and a step towards healing.

Empowering women to advocate for change and address the root causes of their anger

Anger can often be a response to societal injustice, inequality, or personal experiences of oppression. By empowering women to advocate for change, we can address the root causes of their anger. This involves supporting women in using their anger constructively, whether it be through activism, community organizing, or political involvement. By addressing the systemic issues that contribute to women’s anger, we can work towards a more equitable society for all.

Conclusion

Empowering the angry woman is not about encouraging aggression or violence but about recognizing and validating women’s anger. By challenging societal expectations, providing tools for anger management, and advocating for change, we can help women navigate and transform their anger into positive action. Supporting women in expressing their anger and addressing its root causes is a step towards creating a more just and inclusive society for everyone. So let us embrace and empower the angry woman, for her anger has the potential to change the world.

Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Consulting Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Anger Management.

Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Consulting Certification

Additional Resources

“Why Women Need to Honor Their Anger”. Golden, B. (2018). Psychology Today.  Access here

“Anger in women”. Hayden, A. (2023). Women’s Health Network. Access here

“4 Facts About Women’s Anger That’ll Help You Keep It Healthy”. Fraga, J. (2018).  Healthline. Access here

“Are women getting angrier?”. (2022). BBC News.  Access here

 

Grief and Unfulfilled Needs Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

In life we can lose what we possess but also lose ideas of what we thought we would one day possess.   If one ever wanted children, or to have a family and this never occurs, then there is a void and sense of loss in adulthood.  While it was never possessed, one possessed the concept.  One became attached to the concept and when this concept was not actualized or fulfilled, a sense of loss can still overcome a person.

Sometimes sadness is a result of things never had but never gained. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

The video below reviews some concepts in this type of abstract grief and how individuals can learn to be better cope with unfulfilled dreams.  Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

 

Please review the video below

Seasonal Depression and How to Cope

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Seasonal Depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is considered a major depressive disorder.  This particular type of depression exist with the turns of the season, most prominently as Summer turns to Fall and the days become shorter and the weather cooler and more wet.  The weather change and lack of light can create within the brain an altered chemistry   While negative mindset can play a role, most who experience Seasonal Affective Disorder already have a history with depression.   The early darkness, change of biorhythms, aligned with colder weather tend to force individuals inside and quartered with less exercise and social interaction.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) coincides with the change of seasons, usually Fall into Winter. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Coupled with less vitamin D that sustains higher levels or serotonin, individuals can experience SAD.  While 20 percent of the population experiences Winter Blues, especially after Christmas, those with SAD experience a true depression.  Like all depression, individuals will lose interest in life, isolate, become anxious, feel bad and low about sense of self, lack energy, and have difficulties interacting with others.   The Cleveland Clinic in its article, “Seasonal Depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder)” gives a comprehensive review of the disorder, as well as possible treatment options and ways to reduce its severity.  The article states,

“If you have symptoms of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), don’t try to diagnose yourself. See your healthcare provider for a thorough evaluation. You may have another reason for your depression. Many times, seasonal affective disorder is part of a more complex mental health condition. Your provider may refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist. These mental health professionals will ask you about your symptoms. They’ll consider your pattern of symptoms and decide if you have seasonal depression or another mood disorder. You may need to fill out a questionnaire to determine if you have SAD.”

“Seasonal Depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder)”. Cleveland Clinic. (2022).

To review the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Of the 5 percent of the population more prone to SAD, those who have a family history of depression, have a greater chance of experiencing it. Obviously, those who suffer from it also live in temperate areas in the Northern and Southern Hemispheres who experience the four seasons.  Interesting enough, some individuals can experience SAD during Summer months as well.  To be diagnosed, mental healthcare professionals will ask for a case history and only if one has experienced depression correlated with seasonal change two straight seasons can one possibly be labeled with SAD.

SAD is more than the Winter Blues but is associated with a lack of serotonin causing depression. This is due to less light and new sleeping pattern during the Winter season for those with predisposition to depression

 

Again SAD is more than merely the Winter Blues, but a true depression in all of its fury.  Individuals will suffer the classical physical and mental symptoms associated with depression with the turn of the season.  The depression is related to brain chemistry and hence it is important for many to be prescribed an anti-depressant by a mental healthcare professional.  The need to balance the serotonin is key in helping most. In addition, supplementing Vitamin D is critical.  Many individuals in temperate zones, especially during the Winter, exhibit extremely low levels of vitamin D in the body.   This is not merely an issue for those suffering from SAD, but also anyone who lives in areas with less sun over an extended period of time.

For some, cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT can be beneficial.  Talking about the situation and understanding how SAD works and how to reframe things can help some individuals better cope.   Reframing can look at the positives of the months during Winter and some of the experiences that others do not have, such as the beauty of fresh snow upon the trees, or Winter sports, or particular festivals pertaining to the season.  One can create a cozy Winter atmosphere that brings joy to oneself inside.  Whether its a fire, or comfortable slippers, the little things can make oneself feel better.  In addition, individuals should attempt to do special things during the darker months.  At least once a week, one should attempt to plan something to look forward to despite the bad weather.  Most importantly, exercise is critical to good health but also mental health.  The movement of the body, the heart rate, and physical motions can help neurotransmitters better operate in the brain.  Many individuals “hibernate” the Winter away and eat poorly and sleep too much.  It is so important to step outside, walk, or go to the gym during Winter.  It is essential for both physical and mental health.

It is important to get out, exercise and be active during the Winter months

 

An extreme treatment for those with severe SAD can turn to light therapy.  White light at a higher level than regular lighting in the house can be set up throughout the house.  The treatment encourages more vitamin D and also more serotonin in the body.  While the therapy can be successful, it can also carry risks causing potential eye damage if not properly utilized, as well as headaches or migraines for some.  Moderate and safe use of it is an important rule to follow with light therapy.

Conclusion

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.  It is important to note that while many grief counselors are also licensed counselors, only licensed counselors can discuss and treat Seasonal Depression.   Pastoral and non-licensed counselors can discuss it with a client but must refer those who exhibit signs of it to a licensed professional who can treat the pathological condition.

While SAD only affects 5 percent of the population, it is important to find treatment if you are one of those 5 percent.

 

For those who do suffer from SAD, it is important to seek treatment and utilize coping strategies.  While Winter may not be favorite season of the year for many, it does not need to become a horrific experience.  There is joy and light in any season and how one operates and maintains a schedule is key to keeping healthy and strong during the long Winter months.

Additional Resources

“What is seasonal affective disorder?”. National Institute of Mental Health. Access here

“Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)”. Mayo Clinic. (2021).  Access here

“What to Know About Seasonal Depression”. Seo, H. (2022).  New York Times.  Access here

“14 Ways to Ease Seasonal Depression”. Orenstein, B. & Pugle, M. (2023). Everyday Health. Access here

Anger Management and Letting Go of Grudges

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Revenge, holding a grudge, not forgiving and hating others over past actions leads to terrible consequences, both personally and socially.  Even if, the grudge or anger against an individual is justified, holding these types of feelings can still be negative.  It is important to learn how to properly let go of somethings and use proper channels to deal with others.  Anger Management can help individuals learn to let go and diffuse hate and misgivings about others.

Allowing anger to exist in oneself due to a grudge does more harm to oneself than the other

 

There are somethings one cannot forget.  There are somethings that are petty as well, but whether small or large, legitimate or illegitimate or hate or revenge, one will suffer personally when one allows anger and hate to ferment overtime.  Here are a few things to consider.

First, what is the nature of the offense against oneself.  Was the offense of a criminal nature or a minor nature?

Additionally, what role did one pay in the offense?  Analyzing oneself is important.  Was it due to one’s own selfishness or envy?

Third, what is one’s philosophical life view?  Is it an “eye for an eye” or “turn the other cheek”?  Is there middle ground?  Can one alter a life philosophy that is causing hatred and discord in one’s life?

Fourth, how can one channel the anger?  Can one find justice through appropriate legal action?  If it is not of a criminal nature, how can one channel anger?  Can one let it go after so many years to find peace?  Can one forgive but not forget?  Forgiveness sometimes is more beneficial for oneself, since it removes the poison caused by the other person.  The healing permits the person to find peace and also better physical health.

Fifth, can one utilize anger management, meditation and other calming strategies to help one find inner peace? Sometimes individuals need counseling to let go.

These are important things to consider when dealing with grudges.   Overall, most individuals deal with minor grudges throughout life and in turn these minor grudges into larger issues that not only  make social situations uncomfortable but also overtime damage physical health.  When one is so pre-occupied with negative occurrences with others, it puts one’s body in a state of tension and fight or flight.  The body produces cortisol and epinephrine during high stress that raises heart rate, constricts blood vessels and muscles and prepares the body for action.  If one holds a grudge and anger constantly, then these acute reactions become constant.  Constant exposure overtime damages the body.  In addition to the body, the tension of holding grudges increases chances of anxiety and depression.

For one’s own good, it is important to let things go or at least proportionately to a point where if justice is needed, it is provided, but one’s own constant internal struggle is limited.  Spiritual individuals can sometimes find solace in leaving it in a higher power’s hands or even a karmic justice of the universe.  Once, however, things are removed from one’s hands, it is best to accept what one can control and not allow something to tear at one inside.  This may be easier said than done for those who are victims of crime, but even if crime or petty insult, holding on to anger and hate only hurts oneself overtime.

At a social and communal level, one merely needs to look on the map at the countless wars occurring now or throughout history.  Blood feuds, grudges and ethnic hate carry one from generation to generation causing war and genocide.   At family levels, uncles or brothers refuse to speak to each other causing family divide.  A family grudge can cause strife during the holidays.  While a small grudge may not lead to such extremes, one can see the power of hate at a micro level grow like a small flame into a massive forest fire.  It is important to control anger, or slight, justified or unjustified in a way that does not spread hate or damage oneself.

The article, “5 Dangerous Consequences of Holding a Grudge” by Sean Grover takes a closer look at how personal grudges can overwhelm one’s entire life and lead to personal destruction.  He states,

“Do you have trouble getting over a grudge? Do you obsessively ruminate about payback? Does the thought of “getting even” please you? If so, chances are you’re a grudge collector. And that’s not good news. Beneath the surface of every grudge is hurt. Betrayal, deceit, and broken trust are among the most common sources of grievances.  Of course, we all eventually suffer hurt and humiliation, often at the hands of friends or loved ones. What you choose to do with the hurt determines if it hardens into a grudge or if you let it go and move on with your life.”

“5 Dangerous Consequences of Holding a Grudge”. Grover. S. (2023). Psychology Today.

To read the entire article, please click here

Glover points out that many who are unable to let go of slights or grudges have many issues themselves.  In this particular setting, we are not referring to criminal actions against oneself but an individual who psychologically has issues with other people and has a hard time letting anything go.  Within these mindsets, one finds individuals who are arrogant, spiteful, and are unforgiving.  Individuals with these traits make things bigger and more personal than they need to be.  They feel wronged when they are not wronged in many cases and carry out a revengeful plan.  Not only does this person deal with their own inner demons but they also cause physical trauma within themselves by constantly being at war with the world.

Sometimes the one holding the grudge is the issue and not the other person. Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Specialist Program

 

It is important whether like an individual with these traits, or an individual who has been wronged to try to let go as best as possible in correlation to the magnitude of the event.  Glover recommends processing the hurt, seeking support as needed and moving on.  If the event was criminal, then of course accessing all possible venues, but if not, letting go.  As for those with more selfish mindsets, it is best to take responsibility for one’s role in the event and learn from mistakes.  This is easier said than done for some selfish individuals but if one wants inner peace, one needs to let go.

While some grudges are benign, some are criminal, and some grudges may be more one’s fault than the other.  Regardless, anger and unprocessed hate cause damage to the body and soul and it is important to find ways to remove this negative energy from one’s body.

Please also review AIHCP’s Anger Management Specialist Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Anger Management.

Additional Resources

“Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness”. Mayo Clinic Staff. (2022). Mayo Clinic.  Access here

“The Mental Health Effects of Holding a Grudge”. Vanbuskirk, S. (2021). VeryWellMind. Access here

“Holding Grudges Only Hurts You — Try These Tips to Let Them Go”. Telloian, C. (2022). Healthline. Access here

“Why We Hold Grudges, and How to Let Them Go”. Coller, N. (2015). Psychology Today.  Access here