Men traditionally find grief as a vulnerability. From an evolutionary standpoint, men must be strong and a source of protection for the family. This physical stereotype has led to an emotional abandonment of displaying grief among many men. The right way to grieve for men has been handed down through generations with ideas that “real men do not cry”, or that crying is a sign of weakness. This “John Wayne” type persona has dominated Western thought regarding social images of men.
At an early age, boys are taught the proper method of grieving according to gender and social constructs. These constructs can be emotionally stunting for the grief process.
Men have been taught to hold in their grief and grieve alone in solace. They have been shamed when tears are shown and called weak if they displayed sadness. Many men have not been able to grieve in healthy ways hence emotionally stunted their recovery from loss.
Individuals grieve differently. Some may not wish to express emotion but to simply repress emotion based upon a stereotype can be emotionally damaging.
Instead of slogans that “real men do not cry”, many have pushed that true strength is a man who can show tears and emotion. Weeping over loss is not a female only right, but also a human right. While cultures and society may create images of how men should grieve through cultural rites or movies, men need to become that grieving and weakness and are not correlated. Grieving is a natural process that everyone endures and expressing grief makes no man any less a man than the next.
The article, “How Men Grieve” by Jackson Rainer takes a deeper look into how men grieve and social perspectives surrounding it. He states,
“Men tend to lean toward the instrumental expression of grief, orienting to emotional control, a disinclination to talk about matters of the heart, to default into solitude rather than connection and to focus on action more than talk. I fall squarely in this masculine camp.”
Men and women grieve differently. This does not mean men who cry should be seen as weak. It is important to grieve and express if one feels the need. This does not make one less of a man but allows the man to grieve in a conducive way
The article does an excellent job in explaining how men grieve instrumentally, or through physical and cognitive ways, while women are taught to grieve intuitively through emotion. While both ways are equal processes of grief, the danger arises when individual grievers are socially assigned a proper way to grieve simply based on their gender. Boys and girls are taught the right way to grieve and see sometimes bad examples of grief behavior in both women and men. These bad grief behaviors later translate to future problems for the children when they reach adulthood.
To learn more about grieving or if you would like to become a certified grief counselor, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
The death of a celebrity, or a national tragedy can bring society closer together. It can unite society in tears and also help others question their own reality. The levels of grief and despair vary greatly. Hence reactions vary in extremity.
Collective and social grief emerges when a a universal tragedy occurs. The epicenter of the grief reaction obviously is correlated with the connection to the person or event. Hence, when a national catastrophe occurs, those with more personal investment in the people or area will react more sincerely in a true grief reaction, while others who may be empathetic but not directly related, will experience a more indirect grief reaction.
Social grief can emerge collectively in a nation over the death of a famous person, politician or sports star. They are seen as heroes and can bring a nation together into mourning
Society as a whole will react to a loss. For example, the most recent loss of Basketball Great, Kobe Bryant is a stinging loss to many and a reality check for many others. Whenever anyone dies unexpectedly, individuals react to some extent. Some may lose little sleep due to the distance of connection, but the idea of death and its reality always stings. When the person is famous and not just a mere name, it resonates with the subconscious. Whether there is emotional investment or not, the death of someone famous reinforces the idea that death happens unexpectedly and can happen to anyone, even oneself.
This is the first and most remote reaction to the loss of a famous individual. The reminding that anyone can die at any moment. This may force one to re-evaluate their own life, relations with others, or future goals. A famous person is just not anyone in the news but a person, for better or worst, that plays a key social role.
The social role that one plays to the individual will reflect the grief reaction. Fame is a way of knowing, but it is not true knowing. Yet, even though it is not the knowing of friendship, it still creates an aspect of knowing, where that famous individual has touched the person in some way. While it is not a reciprocal process such as friendship, the reality of the famous person’s influence on others is a reality. It is an imbalance but still creates a subjective connection on the part of the fan or everyday person who witnesses this person on television. While in some cases, there can be a pathological obsession and grief over-reaction to a person one does not personally know, there is definitely a reality that denotes value of that person.
The death of the famous, may not make all grieve, but it will definitely remind all of the nature of death and fragile nature of life
And this is not obsession. Famous individuals, whether in sports, entertainment, or politics have social value. That value is what joy or status they give to one as a collective whole. A king or queen’s death represents a national death and can affect millions. Losing a sports figure, can be a great loss to a fan base that revered the player as a hero. These are not pathological reactions but true losses at different varying subjective levels.
For some though, the loss may be meaningless. If a singer dies suddenly that had no impact upon an individual, then only the reality that someone famous died resonates, but for a person who considered the singer and his or her songs to be instrumental to his or life passes, then the impact is far greater and even more personal. It is ultimately very subjective how much someone who is famous plays a part in one’s life. While it may seem silly to some, or obsessive to mourn someone you may have never met or only seen from the distance, it still does not equate to pathology but a true human connection. Again, where subjectively draws the line to a pathological grief reaction and a normal reaction is a cloudy line.
The loss of a famous person, while not personal in nature, is subjective in nature and is correlated to the role the person’s message played in the griever’s life and development
For instance, Kobe Bryant’s death has reminded everyone collectively of the fragile nature of life. His death has also brought the basketball community to tears. However, as one approaches the epicenter of the loss, proportionate grief reactions are seen more intense. The friendship Kobe had with teammates and family is obviously greater than that of a distant fan. The love between his parents, wife and children is also far more intense. Kobe is not an image to these individuals but a true reciprocal relationship. Kobe’s closest family did not lose a mere name or symbol, but a husband, father and son.
If grief reactions from fans or the national collective match the intensity of close family and friends, then one may have to consider the attachment to Kobe and the grief reaction to be obsessive and pathological. Yet, to merely admonish someone for grieving the loss of a famous individual is wrong and simply bad grief counseling. It is healthy to socially grieve a sports hero but it has to be proportionate. Grief Counselors need to identify what is healthy and not healthy in this type of social grief.
With social media discussing his death everywhere there are bound to be ignorant comments and reactions. Some will come from individuals who fear death itself and prefer to ignore it or hide it by dismissing Kobe. There will be those who downplay it and criticize others for grieving the loss. Others will dismiss Kobe and say, others should only grieve real heroes, like soldiers. These dismissive snubs and rude remarks are a result of inner issues or reactions to arise responses from others regarding Kobe’s death. They will seek to escape the story of his death and troll other social media users.
In the social media age though, this is what occurs when news happens. There is naturally an over flooding of content of which is sure to upset some. Some individuals will post and post about an event. Others within the news or light of society, will try to make memes about the death of an individual. Many are attempting to memorialize the event. Others may be over reaching and creating more drama than necessary. Hence, one will see in deaths, a rift between the over dramatic and the acrimonious. Where one will over dramatize the event, while the other downplays the death with sarcastic remarks.
While it is natural to grieve the loss of a famous individual, there can be pathological and obsessive grief reactions not correlated with the relationship with the person
Why is Kobe’s death more impactful? Why are the unknown people that die not recognized at such a dramatic and universal level? Why is the death of a soldier not mourned more universally than the death of a star? One is never dismissing the death of anyone, especially soldiers or others who may have died, with Kobe, in the tragic helicopter accident, but when famous people die, people notice. Maybe not due to importance of the person personally, or that this person did more or did less, but because famous people are known. A known individual, important or not, touches everyone. How it touches one may vary, but it nonetheless touches. A soldier’s death clearly is more impactful than a mere stranger. While the soldier is not personally known, he collectively represents our national heroes, but the impact of a famous person’s death may resonate deeper because that person is known. Whether this occurs for everyone or not depends on their military up-bringing, level of patriotism, and values. Obviously, a soldier’s death is far more important to the nation, but in regards to attachment, fame can make one feel closer.
Social grief is most intense when the death is of a famous person who is also a national hero. Here we have true objective importance to the entire nation and also the fame that allows subjective attachments to form. Please also remember to review our Grief Counseling Certification
This is probably why the death of a famous military leader, war hero, or king garnishes the most acknowledgement in society. It captures true objective importance and also the subjective relationships formed by the masses regarding the individual.
How the person touched you, even though it was never a friendship, depends on the value the person played in your life and what that person contributed socially to the nation and society, or to your own personal views and development. Hence, grief, even over someone you never met, is justified. The reaction though to not be pathological must be proportionate.
For one person, a particular singer may have created a song so important to the person’s life that it encouraged him or her on the darkest days. For another person, the magical shot Kobe hit that lifted the Lakers to another title, may have been a cherished moment with a father and son. These moments are not replaceable and play a key role in the person’s life narrative and when the person who shared in it, passes away, it creates a reaction. Famous individuals whether in a reciprocal relationship or not can sometimes unknowingly play an important part in someone’s life.
Grief Counselors must be careful not to judge those who grieve the loss of famous individuals but also must monitor appropriate grief reactions that are not a result of a unhealthy and obsessive bond. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
Whether pathological reactions, bitter reactions, or true sad social reactions proportionate to the death exist, there will always be reactions to the death of a famous person in any social sphere because it forces one to wrestle with the notion of death.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling or would like to become certified in Grief Counseling then please review the American Academy of Grief Counseling’s certification program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The Grief Counseling Certification is a four year certification and open to behavioral health and healthcare professionals. The program is also open to those in ministry and care of the grieving.
Seasonal depression in January is very common. The festivities of the previous year and holidays are over and one is left with the grey, cold and dreary reality of January. With less sun and light, it is naturally a depressive setting. One who is already sad or even one who is mentally drained, or become sick may succumb to a type of seasonal depression.
The winter blues can play a big role in seasonal depression. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
It is important to notice if you are slipping into a seasonal depression and if needed seek help, but there are ways to cope with the January blues. It is encouraged to remain physical active at a gym and find time to keep oneself in shape. Staying in shape can give pride and self esteem to a dreary setting. Also, consider a hobby to keep busy or a social group to be part of. Favorite shows or special treats are also a way to keep oneself happy. Go out to eat more or go to a movie. Try to make a normal dreary weekday special by doing something!
The article, “‘Blue Monday’ Depression Peak Isn’t Real, But Seasonal Blues Are. Here’s What Do To About Them” from CBS Baltimore looks more at the idea of seasonal depression, especially in regards the third Monday of January. The article states,
“There is generally more sadness in the winter time and January is not uncommon at all for overall more sadness among folks,” said Dr. Ravi Shah, a psychiatrist at Irving Medical Center at Columbia University. “So rather than dial in to one specific day, I think the more interesting question is what it is about the winter that affects our mood.”
Whether a certain day can be more depressing or not is less likely but what is likely that winter in general can depress many people. Some can stay above it and cope better than others but others need help and motivation. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
On many occasions driven individuals reach an emotional dead end. They can no longer proceed forward and became mentally fatigued. This is referred to as burn out. When an individual burns out they no longer feel the drive or energy to keep doing what they had been doing. This type of burn out can be triggered by a host of things. Usually it is due to putting too much on one’s shoulders and agenda to carry. It then takes easily one thing to make the entire body crumble under the stress. Some question is this type of burnout a type of depression?
Professional burn out can occur to those who push too many boundaries. Is there a big difference between depression and burnout? Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification program
The article, “Is Burnout Actually a Form of Depression? by Grant Brenner looks at how individuals can balance work and life without dismissing the possibility of clinical depression. He states,
“The distinction between burnout and depression is blurry, distracted by impassioned debate. The World Health Organization presents depression and burnout as serious problems — one as a medical illness, and the other as the result of professional factors. Yet they are similar, and depression has been around much longer.”
It is very important to understand one’s mental, emotional and physical barriers. In acknowledging limitations, one can prevent possible burnout or depression. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
Grief at work can lead to lack of production but it cannot be ignored. It is important that it is addressed to not only benefit the business but to also help the employee. Employers need to be understanding, flexible and know what to expect from their employee. This requires leadership and sometimes a listening ear. It requires a temporary adjustment potentially. While large factories are less equipped to notice the needs of an individual, unions and friends should be aware. Smaller businesses have the luxory and ability to better address the needs of the individual.
A depressed employee needs care and understanding so he can return to productivity. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
It is critical to not only help the employee emotionally but also to help them adjust for the benefit of the business itself. While one does not wish to put money over emotion, there comes a time when the employee must learn to cope and play his or her part in the process, but without the understanding and leadership from good managers, this can be quite a hard thing.
The article, “How to Manage an Employee with Depression” by Kristen Bell DeTienne, Jill M. Hooley, Cristian Larrocha and Annsheri Reay look at the problems of depression and how a manager can help an employee at work who is suffering from depression. They state,
“Yet despite this enormous and growing toll, many employers take an ad hoc approach to handling depression among employees. Many managers become aware of mental health issues only when they investigate why a team member is performing poorly. A better scenario would be if employees felt empowered to report a mental health problem and ask for a reasonable accommodation so that their manager can intervene to minimize the damage to the organization and help the employees return as quickly as possible to full health.”
Employers who are more considerate to depression and the mental health of their employees are not only showing compassion but also good business sense. Employees are a company’s top resource and making sure they are happy and productive is critical to success. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Drinking and depression are tied together. Many individuals when they feel depressed or sad feel the need to drink to escape the pain. This form of escapism can lead to addiction. For others it can be a temporary refuge from the issues presenting themselves, but the issue still remains. Dealing with grief requires healthy coping mechanisms not detrimental ones through drugs and drinking.
Alcohol and depression are tied together closely. Please also review our Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your professional needs
The article, “What to know about alcohol and depression” by Zawn Villines takes a closer look at the connections that exist between depression and alcohol. He states,
“Some people with depression drink alcohol to ease their symptoms. Over time, this can lead to alcohol dependence and abuse. People who drink to cope with psychological distress may drink more over time, especially when they wake up feeling anxious or depressed. Chronic drinking significantly increases the risk of alcohol abuse.”
Please also review our Grief Counseling Training Program as well as our Substance Abuse Consulting Program. Both programs help prepare professionals to help others with grief and addiction.
Seasonal depression is very common. In the middle of January through most of the remaining Winter individuals begin to long for Spring. The grey skies, lack of holiday fun, and cold and damp weather can influence one negatively. With sickness and aches, individuals can succumb to depression more easily. It is important to stay alert, active and positive minded when dealing with the lack of light, cold and depressive weather. It is important to be find joy and fun in these days.
The winter months can lead to seasonal depression. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
The article, “Fighting off gloomy-weather depression with simple habits” from KTVO looks at how depressing weather can negatively affect a person. The article states,
“SAD, is a type of depression that affects people at the same time each year, typically late fall through the winter months. The disorder is more common in women than men and young people have a higher risk of developing it. With the conditions for most starting in their 20’s. The changes in your mood are driven by chemicals in your body like serotonin and melatonin. Serotonin is thought to affect mood and appetite while melatonin will give the urge to sleep and wake up.”
Seasonal depression is real and needs to be addressed. If you feel it coming on, find help. Certified grief counselors can help, as well as licensed professional counselors. It is important to remain positive and healthy in the darker months of the year. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is independent study and online and certified an individual for four years.
Grief is difficult to deal with. It forces us to adapt and change. Through this change, it can be distracting and painful. Unfortunately, many of us cannot walk away from life but must learn to cope with grief while attending school or working. This is a difficult process but sometimes can also be therapeutic. It frees the mind and gives us some normalcy. Some may even attempt to escape into work to avoid the pain. This is as much a problem as those who cannot focus on work due to grief.
Learning to adjust at work is important. Life must go on. It is important to let your manager or supervisor know of your situation. It may be important also to find counseling to help one adjust. It can definitely be tough to work while grieving but it is something one must do.
Working while grieving can be very difficult for some. Some consider a burden others an escape. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
The article, “7 ways to deal with grief at work” by Erica Sweeney looks the difficulty of coping while at work but looks at ways to help individuals move forward with their career task. She states,
“Many employees aren’t able to take much time off from work to process a loss. While 88% of employers offer bereavement leave, according to the Society for Human Resource Management, it averages about three days. That amount can vary greatly, however, since no federal requirements for bereavement leave exist. TheFamily and Medical Leave Act doesn’t specifically cover it, and the Fair Labor Standards Act doesn’trequire paid time off to attend funerals.”
With careers and work so important to financial stability, it is critical to overcome grief to the extent one can cope while at work. While we cannot escape grief, we have to be able to live with it. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
Depression is a chronic state of perpetual sadness. Some forms of depression are acutely caused and temporary while other forms have no real reason and can last for months upon months or reoccur.
Depression is a far more serious state than normal grief reaction. Normal grief reaction results from loss in some form. It proceeds through a series of responses that can go in a particular order or not. Various emotions can skip out of the so called order of denial, anger, bargaining, mourning and acceptance. In fact, normal grief reactions can also have extreme oscillations and reversals to previous states. None of this constitutes depression necessarily. Grief itself is a natural reaction to loss and is not a pathology. Sadness over loss even years after does not designate depression, but the inability to escape continual acute emotional pain and ability to adjust to new life does.
Depression can have a direct cause or no cause. It is important to find help. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification
Depression though results in a variety of complications that prevent a normal grief reaction. Sudden or extreme losses can cause depression, as well as, situations surrounding the loss itself. Some losses are so extreme or the situations so gruesome that it can shake the very fabric of the individual’s life narrative. These reactions can lead to later complications in the grief response and prevent adaption to the loss.
Depression hence can be caused due to external issues but it can also be internal. Depression sometimes may have no true cause or loss correlated with it.
The article, “Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in the United States. There are several different types of depression.” by Jane Leonard looks at the different types of depression and their symptoms. She states,
“Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in the United States. There are several different types of depression. People with depression experience distinct periods — lasting at least 2 weeks — of sadness, low energy, and loss of interest in things that they once enjoyed. People sometimes refer to these periods as depressive episodes.”
To read the entire article on depression, please click here
It is important to realize that simply certified grief counselors without any type of counseling license cannot treat depression. They can help with others in overcoming the pains of grief but they cannot treat depression. Individuals who are licensed and also obtain a certification in Grief Counseling have the ability to utilize their skills to treat both, natural grief and complications in grief. This does not mean certified grief counselors do not play an important role. Those who are only certified but not licensed as counselors, can still help others overcome loss and possibly identify signs of grief complication. They can serve as front line soldiers in helping others find the help they need in overcoming depression.
Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and is open to qualified professionals seeking certification.
Grief and lack of sleep can go both coincide. Grief can affect sleep patterns in negative ways. The lack of sleep and depression can have multiple effects on one’s health. It is important to manage depression and sleep and to find the necessary help to be healthy emotionally and physically.
Depression and lack of sleep is an unhealthy combination. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “What is the relationship between depression and sleep?” by Timothy Legg states,
“According to one scientific journal, sleep loss might contribute to neurochemical changes in the brain, which can result in depression. The researchers also suggest that depression may lead to disrupted sleeping patterns.”
Bad sleep and depression build on each other in the most negative ways. It is best to treat one’s depression so sleep is not affected. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
