Suicide is a tragic loss. It is not only a stigmatizing loss but it is also one that many feel can be prevented. Those who survive suicide, or family members who deal with the after loss all have enormous grief. The wake of suicide can be devastating. Grief Counselors and Crisis Counselors need to be able to help individuals through issues to prevent suicide or future attempts and help families cope with a successful suicide of a loved one
Complicated Grief is a result of not naturally processing through the grieving cycle. It can result in Prolonged Grief, or turn into a Clinical Depression. Complications in grief are due to the nature of the loss, the subjective uniqueness of the person experiencing grief, or other supporting factors or lack of. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Grief is natural but sometimes it can go wrong during the adaptation process. Individuals can fall into grief complications. Prolonged Grief is one type. Usually complications to loss are due to a variety of reasons regarding the nature of the loss, a persons own coping abilities and support. Prolonged Grief can turn into Depression if not careful. When complications in the grieving process manifest beyond normal grieving, it is important for individuals to find help from a licensed counselor who is certified or well versed in grief counseling.
Prolonged Grief is a complication in the grieving process. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “What Is Complicated Grief?” by Markham Heid takes a closer look at the nature of Complicated Grief, its symptoms and how to deal with it. He states,
“Complicated grief is now called ‘prolonged grief disorder,’” says M. Katherine Shear, MD, the author of the study in The New England Journal of Medicine and the Marion E. Kenworthy professor of psychiatry at Columbia University in New York, who studies grief and bereavement. “The difference between normal or healthy grief and prolonged grief is related to whether certain defensive responses that are a normal part of early grief become persistent and overly influential in mental functioning.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
Many individuals suffer from mild depression. They are able to function but something does not seem right in their life. The mild depression is enough to wear on them. Many need a little help to overcome this type of depression so they can fully restore themselves to life with new vigor.
If you have felt slightly off for the last few weeks or months, it may be mild depression. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
The article, “Treatment for Mild Depression” by Sonya Matejko looks at the symptoms of mild depression and how to find the help one needs. She states,
“Even mild depression is different from just feeling a bit tired, sad, or irritable. After all, you’re human! Fluctuations in mood are common, and it’s natural to have days where you feel worse than usual. But what about when those emotions don’t go away after a couple of days, or even a couple of weeks? Maybe you can’t even point to exactly what’s wrong, only that you don’t feel like yourself. While everyone’s experiences and symptoms can and usually do differ, you could be going through a mild depression.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Those who are unable to properly express their grief due to belittlement, stigma, social indifference, or ignorance experience Disenfranchised Grief. Examples include pet loss grief, loss of a loved one who died under stigmatic circumstances, or those who are not considered close enough to the loss to deserve attention. The belittlement or total disregard of those who grieve for certain reasons is a big problem in society. All loss and grief from that loss should be treated with empathy and love.
Many are not able to openly grieve. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Disenfranchised Grief: How to Cope & When to Get Help” by Hart Haraguchi takes a closer look at the nature of Disenfranchised Grief. She states,
“Disenfranchised grief, sometimes called hidden grief, occurs when a loss is not publicly acknowledged or validated through traditional norms and rituals. Those experiencing disenfranchised grief feel isolated, stigmatized, and ashamed. While it can feel overwhelming, there are ways to support yourself through your grief including creating a mourning ritual, connecting with others who understand, and talking with a therapist.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
With grief comes change. Change is one of the elements of grief that makes it so uncomfortable. The change of no longer having a wife or husband, or the change of no longer having your mother or father. It can be also be a change that does not involve death. The change can involve no longer dating someone, or switching jobs. With all change comes adaptation, challenge, emotional re-balancing, and time. Grief is the result of change and attachment to what was changed. Hence, change is a constant.
Ancient philosophers also had a difficult time understanding change. They pondered if everything is in a state of change and flux, is there any permanence in anything. Is someone the same or constantly someone new. Obviously, change does not alter the substance or permanence of an individual. Accidental qualities change within a person or a thing, but the person remains the same person, but it is obvious change alters. It is the person’s ability to cope with change and understand the nature of change in life to better equip a healthy attitude conducive to success in an ever changing reality.
Loss and change are the ingredients of grief itself. How one copes with grief and the change that comes with it is essential and part of life itself. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
One thing that is greatly effected by change is identity. Identity is who a person is and how one perceives oneself. When role is altered due to loss, identity can sometimes become confused and muffled in the chaos. Individuals may start to lose themselves in the chaos of loss if they are not able to better anchor themselves. It is critical during loss and hence change for one to be able to retain identity but this is harder than it may seem and many struggle during loss to retain their sense of self.
Loss of identity can be common for many individuals who define themselves with their vocation, career, or relations with others. Mothers who lose a child, may no longer feel they are a mother. The cruel loss of losing a child can make a woman feel like she is no longer a mother. This strip of identity of motherhood can be a horrifying loss for the person. Many women who lose a child, may make statements such as “I am not longer a mother” or “I used to be a mother, but no longer am”. It is important to help these women understand that their identity as a mother is permanent regardless of loss. They will forever be mothers and nothing can ever alter that. Unfortunately the loss can be so devastating as to attempt to even strip these grieving individuals even of such titles. One can apply this standard of title to anything. It can be applied to a grieving father, brother, uncle, or even a position.
This can also be applied to individuals who lose certain abilities. A runner who loses a leg, or a person who loses his or her sight. Or even the loss of youth as individuals come to grips with a mid life crisis. What one once was or what one could once do, poses serious changes to individuals. Individuals may feel they are no longer who they were and may not recognize themselves. The reality is change occurs within any organism and change, both good and bad will occur. These changes cannot define the individual at the core but they can affect secondary attributes. How one is able to cope with the changes is key to life. Unfortunately sometimes, others face changes that are far more difficult and require far more effort and time.
Identity can also be effected in other ways. Change, whether bad or for the good is always difficult. The change alters one’s perception of oneself and in some cases how others view the grieving. An individual who changes will face a period of adaptation regardless. If one ceases an individual bad habit, then that change will create new struggles as well as new paradigms. Removing oneself from a party scene for example, may pose a challenge in and of itself but also create new difficulties with older friends. Others may no longer wish to associate since the same shared activity is no longer part of one’s life. Hence loss of friends and new challenges of finding new friends can make one question identity.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals
Ultimately, one can fall into a fear of not knowing thyself. Who am I? Who am I not? Grief and bigger changes can cause an existential crisis in some that requires counseling and help to truly find oneself again. Grief and change are powerful things and can erode one’s very foundation if one does not cope. One can lose a sense of self and become isolated and question one’s own very reality. It is natural to have fears of change, to struggle with these changes, and come out different. However, just because one is different after change, does not mean one is another person. One may have different outlooks and different perspectives, but it does not mean, one’s identity or true self is lost. YOU are still YOU. Just like physically YOU were different when younger, YOU can be different emotionally and mentally due to change of loss. It is important to hold on to the anchor of self despite the storm of change around oneself. Life is about change, but it is about how YOU change with it, not your very identity itself.
In all stories of our life, it is important to not allow the bad chapters in our life to become isolated from the story of YOU. While the story changes, the book title is still YOU. How one incorporates the past chapters with the present in writing the future chapters is key. Change is part of life and without it there is no existence. It is important to be open to change, even difficult change throughout life if one wishes to live. Some change may be very terrible, some minor, and others pleasant, but whatever the change, it will affect oneself. How one connects the changes in life to the overall theme of one’s story is key.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling Training, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
Resources
“Whats Your Grief” article on “Change, Identity Loss and Grief by Eleanor Haley. Please click here
Loss alters life. It also changes the individuals who experience the loss. The loss of identity and who one is can be a very difficult phase for the bereaved. Some may struggle with finding new meaning while others will cling to the past. Others will feel who they were is completely gone. Balance and understanding of how loss changes is important for the bereaved. One is different, things change, but identity is critical to keep.
Grief can alter our sense of self in life. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals
For instance, a person who was a mother and lost a baby, may feel her motherhood has been stripped. Her identity was a mother, now that identity appears gone. These are important discussions for the bereaved to have in understanding their relationship with the loss and how change affects them but also does not steal who they are in the heart. Grief Counselors can help the bereaved better understand the identity loss and properly correlate it with reality.
The article, “Change, Identity Loss, and Grief” by Eleanor Haley from What’s Your Grief presents an excellent insight into loss of identity due to loss. She states,
“But sometimes, life changes are significant enough to cause drastic shifts, like becoming a parent, losing a loved one, getting sober, getting a diagnosis, and the list goes on. These changes can shatter your sense of self and create a web of loss that quickly splinters in and around you.”
Sense of self can become loss in the chaos and grief. It is important to maintain it but also understand the changes surrounding you.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Fatigue can play a major role in grief. Many individuals are more tired because the body needs time to heal emotionally and mentally. Grief can also keep you up, intrude upon your dreams, and emotionally wear you down overall. Sleep is natural, but when it becomes too excessive, or a way to avoid the issues, or in the other extreme, unattainable, then issues need addressed
Fatigue and grief go side by side. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your goals
What’s Your Grief’s article, “Does Grief Make You Tired?” by Eleanor Haley takes a closer look at how grief and fatigue inter relate and what to look out for. She states,
“A common question about grief that we often hear asked is: Does grief make you tired? The simple answer is, yes, it’s perfectly normal to feel exhausted after experiencing significant loss. Grief and loss can cause mind-body mayhem, which comes as a surprise to those who thought grief would be a purely emotional experience”
The article goes on to list numerous ways sleep or lack of sleep can be detrimental as well when grieving.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
The ultimate reality of grief is it forever tied to love. Love creates attachment and loss breaks that attachment. The greater the love, the greater the grief. It is within this fallen construct of reality that we see the cruel paradox of life. Do we not love because of this? Of course not, we accept the realities of life and properly understand that death plays as much as a role in life as birth. Many hope to ignore death and loss but this is unhealthy. It is important to discuss life but also death. In doing so, one can better understand the losses that eventually find everyone. Part of being alive is experiencing loss. We need to understand loss, help others through it and adjust.
There is a reason there is no true recovery in grief. Since love is forever, so is grief. The only difference is that when grief is properly handled, the acute grief becomes integrated into our life. Unfortunately, some experience complications in grief and are unable to integrate. Hence the grief response which is both healthy and natural becomes distorted.
The video below covers many basic grief ideas and can serve as a great educational tool.
Grief Counseling looks to help a person through grief. Grief can sidetrack life due to the adjustment period it takes to react to loss. It is not something to be seen as pathological or unnatural but part of life. How well one can adjust and cope is critical. Most times, individuals adjust from grief, but recovery itself is something that never comes. One does not recover from grief but learns to live with it. While some enter into pathological states due to loss with Prolonged Grief, or worst, Major Depressive Disorder, most are able to navigate the troubled waters of loss and adjust. This adjustment though comes with its own pain and emotional cycles.
Grief Counselors who are also licensed counselors can help not only those experiencing grief and loss in normal grief reactions but also pathological, while those who are not licensed are permitted to help those deal with basic human loss. In all cases, grief counselors are there to listen and help. Grief Counselors need to be good sojourners and companions in grief. This is a very pastoral view towards grief counseling and is beneficial in helping someone deal with a loss. It does not look to follow a mere clinical plan but instead to walk with the bereaved.
Sojourning one through grief is a pastoral service of family or ministry. It is about walking with the bereaved and listening and being there. It is not about fixing but witnessing the present and the loss itself.
A sojourner is one who walks with someone in grief. Friends, family, religious or ministers and rabbis can partake down this path with anyone. Professional counselors can also take upon this very important role. A key ingredient in any sojourner is empathy. One needs to have the ability to feel the pain of others and to allow one to share one’s pain with oneself. Sojourning or companioning one through grief is not so much about assessing and analyzing one’s grief but more so listening and being present. This type of healing does not look for time tables but instead looks to help individuals by being present in the moment.
A sojourner or companion has a variety of qualities in how they help others. They are empathetic and full of love and patience. In this patience and love they help others express their grief by listening. They do not attempt to share grief stories but they listen to the emotions of the person. They grant permission to be angry or cry in this safe place.
Sojourners do not look to have the answers but look instead to help one find one’s own answers. They do not use terms such as “I understand” or “You need to do this” but instead listen and react to the emotional state of the person. The person leads the discussion, not the counselor in these cases.
Companioning or sojourning involves being present for the pain but maybe not having the ability to take the pain away. It focuses more so on the spirit than intellect and walking beside one not leading one. In many cases companioning looks respects the disorder of grief and does not seek to immediately find order.
Those who look to help others through grief utilize a companion model or a traditional treatment model. Instead of focus on returning a person to pre-loss status, sojourning respects the now and transformative process of grief. There is a new normal due to the loss and no return to the pre loss is possible. Sojourning does not look to eliminate grief symptoms but instead values the expression of grief as an important process of the grieving cycle. In doing so, healthy continued bonds with the deceased is encouraged and not seen as pathological. Quality of care is not determined by how well grief is managed but how well it was expressed and how well the bereaved was able to express and communicate.
When helping one through the grief process as a sojourner and comforter, one should help the person be honest about his or her feelings. It is important not to be shocked at what is said but more so to give a person the permission needed to express even angry feelings. The counselor should not look to fix the situation but merely listen and be present.
Being present is one of the key elements in sojourning for it entails listening and accepting the present situation of loss. Counselors can follow a few tips as well. While emotionally listening, avoid touching. Hugs can sometimes help but as counselors, not pastors or family, it is important to keep distance because those in grief can misunderstand intentions. When asking people to discuss their loss, sometimes it is difficult to start and they may need guided. Sometimes mirroring what they are saying can be beneficial. This allows individuals to hear what they are saying and to reflect on it. Ultimately let them know that their emotions are natural and expected and they have a right to grieve no matter what others may say or do.
Grief Counselors can help guide individuals through the process of loss. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Empathy, patience, listening, time and gentle guidance are critical to helping people express and go through grief. It cannot be seen as something mechanical or sterile with steps or procedures. Instead one needs to see the messiness of grief and the power of listening through sojourning.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program than please review and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as Grief Counselor.
Related Texts
The Unwanted Gift of Grief by Tim P. VanDuivendyk
Companioning the Grieving Child by Alan D. Wolfelt
