Boundaries are critical to a healthy relationship with anyone. When someone’s boundaries are constantly broken, this leads to discontent and resentment. Hence it is critical for emotional and mental health to preserve boundaries within relationships and to understand what one is willing and not willing to do. With boundaries comes the art of assertiveness and knowing how to express oneself and look out for one’s own needs without portraying oneself as selfish. In fact, boundaries and being assertive are not selfish things but important parts of self that define where one begin and end in regards to other individuals.
Please also review AIHCP’s mental and behavioral certifications and see if they meet your academic and professional goals.
BOUNDARIES

It is good to have boundaries and limits in one’s life. Many times these boundaries are tested, sometimes directly, other times without malicious intent. It is critical to assert oneself and pronounce boundaries and not feel guilty about it. It is good to have physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, time boundaries, sexual boundaries, material boundaries and intellectual boundaries. We have a right to physical space or the right not to want to be touched, we have a right to feel a certain way, or express an opinion or have that opinion not debated, we have a right to our time and how we choose to use it, we have a right to decide our own sexual desires and choices, we have a right to say no to the use of any of our material things and we have a right to not be solicited or debated on our philosophies and religious beliefs.
Sometimes boundaries can be difficult to set due to relationships and one’s own mental state. Many people feel if they set boundaries, they will lose a relationship or friend. Others may feel the constant need to people please, or put others over oneself equating a boundary to being selfish or mean. On the contrary, boundaries are healthy and need to be asserted in a healthy way to others and be respected by others. This is especially true when broken boundaries cause distress in one’s life. When one feels walked over or used, then it is important to break the cycle and invoke boundaries. Whether it is about lending money, or lending a car, or giving a helping hand when one cannot, broken boundaries lead to anxiety, resentment, stress and depression. When we constantly feel used, feel afraid, feel controlled, forced to adjust schedules, or change one’s values then it is time to reconsider boundaries in life. It is hence crucial to properly communicate boundaries to others and enforce those boundaries.
When setting a boundary, be sure prior to understand the goal and aim of setting it for oneself. Sometimes it helps to start small and gradually add new boundaries. In addition, it is important to clearly communicate boundaries. Many times, individuals are not clear and the boundaries become mixed. It is important to be open and clear about what and when one is imposing without being hostile or rude. Sometimes it is best to keep it simple than being over complex as to avoid over explanation that is not due to the other person.
When creating boundaries avoid being rude or hostile. Avoid accusative “you” statements. If with parents, or people of authority, maintain calmness and respect but remain strong in your boundary and conviction. When dealing with friends avoid ghosting and gossip to escape the problem but set the tone. With at work, set clear timetables and schedules that delineate work from home, as well as understand who to speak with in regards to problems or issues that arise. Show mutual respect for co-workers and their own boundaries in what they do.
Being Assertive in Life
Assertiveness is crucial to establishing and keeping boundaries. Assertiveness itself is merely the expression of one’s personal rights. It is not aggression, or rudeness but merely standing up for oneself and applying boundaries where necessary. It is a crucial skill in all social and professional interactions. It protects one’s needs, but also communicates clearly what is expected within a relationship.
Many mistaken conceptions see assertiveness as being selfish and putting oneself over others. Instead one has a right to feel a certain way, or receive mutual respect on views or philosophies. Individuals have a right to assert their own schedule and not always be flexible. You have a right to ask for more information, or ask for an explanation. You have a right not to take the advice of someone else. You have a right not to want to speak to other people or walk away. You do not need to have a good reason for feeling a certain way all the time, but you have a right to feel without explanation. You have a right not to make everyone’s problem your problem. Many individuals can be very generous, caring, empathetic, and yet maintain an assertiveness to one’s own boundaries and feelings. Self care, boundaries and being assertive are important aspects of mental and emotional health.

Hence being assertive is not being rude or aggressive or selfish, but neither is it being passive, or overlooked and trodden upon, instead it is a golden mean between these two extremes that illustrates healthy reactions to people without allowing oneself to fall victim to stress, anxiety, or abuse. When applying boundaries or promoting an assertive nature, one is clear to express one’s thoughts, feelings and wants in a direct fashion. There is no sugar coating or word play, but clear and concise language to how one thinks, feels and wants a particular situation. It is void of name calling, or “you” statements, blaming, or denials, or insults, but is a clear and assertive language that defines the situation clearly and expresses one’s stance. It is not over stepping other boundaries, or disrespecting others, but is a thorough expression of self to avoid future violations of one’s beliefs and space, as well as one’s ability to freely and correctly express needs, desires, thoughts, emotions and wants. Unfortunately, how many times, do we treat assertiveness as a sign of aggression? It is important to understand the differences between these and properly execute assertiveness when setting boundaries or for that matter when being assertive in relationships, interactions, work, or school.
Applying Assertive Behavior
Applying assertive behavior in life is not about being that person who always speaks out about every discomfort, or that obnoxious person who cannot be polite or quiet when things go wrong, but instead is knowing when something is truly wrong and someone needs to speak up due to something important. Most importantly, it is how one also conveys the assertive thought, emotion and need without being rude, overbearing, or trivial.
In application of assertive behavior, a person should not feel shy about expressing something that is wrong, but instead feel the necessity to stand up and speak when necessary or act if something needs done. There obviously is a fine line between aggression, rudeness and being a displeasing person, as opposed to a truly assertive person. Ultimately it comes down to one’s inner feelings and how certain situations present a clear and present need to say, discuss or act something. When applying, we have spoken about avoiding rude comments, blaming, name calling, and aggressive behavior, but instead truly speaking in a neutral language that does not look to challenge or upset but instead invoke one’s concern or need. In doing, so controlling emotions, politely listening, staying on track and acknowledging the other person is key. Being assertive is not a personal attack on someone else but is a tool in resolving an issue. Hence good communication skills are essential.
It is important to also maintain good physical posture when assertively speaking. Maintain eye contact, body posture, speak clearly, do not whine or consistently apologize, but speak the reality of the situation. Express if necessary with hands and facial expression to emphasize when needed. If one’s body language or voice quivers, then the message becomes lost.

While an assertive discussion is going on, be careful to avoid traps and manipulations of others who may try to still break your boundary or belittle your concern, thought, emotion, want or need. Instead of getting angry, maintain a calm and logical disposition. Many times, you may need to repeat the opening premise over and over throughout the conversation to keep the other person from deviating from the issue. Many times, individuals will deviate from the conversation by changing topics, insulting characters, playing self pity, threatening, denying, or blaming. In these instances it is important to know how to shift back to topic, defuse other’s emotions, acknowledge at times criticism of self, or partial criticisms, but ultimately, the key is to stay on track, express one’s needs and to know how to diffuse and shift back to topic without elevating the conversation into an argument. Sometimes, this involves preparing oneself prior to the conversation or even walking away if it does become heated.
Ultimately, the boundary or discussion about one’s thoughts, emotions or needs is important to you and cannot be laughed to the side or minimized. It is crucial to apply one’s needs and preserve one’s boundaries.
Conclusion
Boundaries are important for personal and emotional health. They are not selfish and rigid borders that make us selfish and rude to the needs of others but they protect ourselves from unneeded abuse of our skills, body, time and materials. Being assertive is a key ability to advocate for our rights. It is not aggression or being petty about things but truly being able to implement one’s thoughts, emotions and needs so that they are properly addressed. Asserting oneself is not about trampling upon others but defending oneself in a clear and concise manner.

Many individuals suffer in numerous aspects of life due to an inability to form boundaries and be assertive. Learning how one’s life is violated and becoming aware of the unhappy state is instrumental to overall mental health. One needs to be able to apply these skills to find peace and less stress and anxiety in one’s life
Please also review AIHCP’s Stress Management Consulting Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Additional Blog
Stop Worrying. Access here
Resource
Davis, M, et al. (2000). “The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook (5th)”. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Additional Resources
Brooten-Brooks, M. (2025). “How to Set Boundaries for Better Relationships”. Very Well Health. Access here
“Map it out: Setting boundaries for your well-being” (2023). Mayo Clinic Health. Access here
Boundaries. Psychology Today. Access here
Earnshaw, E. (2023). “6 Types Of Boundaries You Deserve To Have (And How To Maintain Them)”. Mind Body Green. Access here





















