There is nothing more insidious or disgusting or repulsive than the predatory nature of grooming a weaker, exposed, innocent or at risk community to sexual assault. Whether if one is of faith or secular, it cries to the most inner core of basic humanity for justice. Those who work with children, the disabled, the aged and other vulnerable populations need to show special and extra care for signs of potential grooming against these individuals. Ironically, statistically it is not the creepy person in a spooky van trolling down streets at night but grooming occurs in most cases from individuals of authority that have spiritual duties, or even care duties to these individuals. These persons are can be family members, friends of family, or individuals of supposed good name in the community. Many misuse their positions of authority and care to sexually assault. This short blog will look at grooming, the process of it, and special populations that need special guarding for potential grooming targeting.
Please also review AIHCP’s Trauma Informed Care Program, as well as many of its Healthcare Certification Programs.
Grooming and its Phases
Please also review AIHCP’s Trauma Informed Care Program
According to Compton, grooming is the methodical and deliberate process to create emotional intimacy with the intent of sexual abuse (2024, p. 159). The five phases of grooming include victim selection, gaining access/isolating, trust development, desensitization to sexual content and physical contact and finally post abuse maintenance (Compton, 2024. p. 159-160). As safe guarders, counselors, social workers, healthcare providers, and as well spiritual and pastoral caregivers, it is essential to be aware of these phases and to investigate anything that seems to illustrate this type of behavior between an individual and a victim. It is especially important to safeguard and show extreme diligence for at risk populations such as children, the disabled and elderly who are unable to protect themselves.
Selection of a victim is opportunistic. Like any predator, the easier prey is observed over a healthy and powerful one. Hence children, the disabled or elderly are opportune targets but not all children, or elderly or disabled are as easy to target than some. Children with healthy attachments and a strong family relationship can be more difficult to navigate as well as elderly who have strong support systems. Sexual groomers look not just for weaker populations but also those within those populations that are already broken, or isolated, or lacking the proper support to ward off these advances. Individuals with less parental supervision, or caregiver supervision, as well those with less financial resources and face economic hardships are easier targets for predators. In addition, those with lower self esteem, unhealthy attachment schemas, identity issues, or disabilities are far more easier to manipulate and control (Compton, 2024, p. 160-161).
The second phase is gaining access and isolating the victim. Predators may already be a member of the family or become close friends to the family or hold a position of spiritual or political power. They will use these connections and places of power as a way to become closer to the individual. Through family connections, or social interactions, the predator will then spend time with the individual. With children, the predator will spend more time with child than others at events as an attempt to know the child better but in addition they will also try to see the child or person beyond regular events and superimpose themselves into the selected victim’s life. This can be accomplished through sharing of social media or private messaging (Compton, 2024, p. 162). During these times, the predator will also try separate the victim from other resources and support systems. The predator will attempt to turn the child or person against the more secure relationships in order to weaken any resistance to advances.
Following this phase, the predator will attempt to form a bond of trust. As other relationships are pushed away, the predator will insert him or herself into such a way as to appear as a good friend, confidant, or guide. Unfortunately, children, disabled and the elderly rely on others more so than healthy adults. Children are taught to obey authority figures, the elderly are supposed to listen to caregivers and disabled are completely at the mercy of those who watch over them. Hence, when trust is established, victims can be very confused when that trust is used to hurt them.
The fourth phase includes introducing victims to sexual content or advances that look to normalize the abuse and permit more and more contact with the victim. In this phase, sexual jokes, quick touches, or sexual behaviors are normalized between predator and victim. The victim may doubt if anything is truly wrong, even one feels initial guilt or shame. In fact, the predator desires guilt and shame to exist within the person. The predator looks to break down moral barriers and replace them with shame and guilt as way to continue the relationship. When horrible things are normalized, then a predator can keep a victim trapped in the cycle.
The final phase is post abuse maintenance. In this phase, the predator in order to continue the abuse, as well as protect him or herself, will employ various lies to frighten, scare, shame and guilt the victim. Many will threaten violence against a loved one, or dehumanize the victim as dirty, or remind a victim that no-one will believe the victim (Compton, 2024, p.164). When grooming is successful, this emotional hold can confuse children into becoming cooperative or even feeling it is their choice to continue in the abuse.
As protectors, we need to be aware of red flags. When we notice odd amounts of time beyond reason with a child, disabled or elderly person, then we should investigate the nature of the other person’s interest. The person may be merely kind but we cannot risk children, the disabled or elderly until it is proven to be innocent. We also should be aware of odd flattery or gifts given to these at risk groups, as well as unusual favoritism, hugs, or jokes. When children speak of secrets between an adult and themselves, then these secrets must be made known and the other person approached upon the content of the secrets. Other red flags involve the use of providing drinks, or drugs or even smoking with children, disabled or elderly.
At Risk Populations
It is of the most importance in trauma care, counseling, and even as a family member or friend to see potential grooming to children, the disabled or elderly. Professionals must report what they discover, but as observers, sometimes its important to put our nose into other people’s business when things do not look right. This is why it so essential to not only be aware of the signs of grooming ourselves, but also to help educate children, as well as the disabled and elderly who are potential victims.
Unfortunately, how many times are elderly dismissed as senile? How many times are their concerns or what they may say ignored? The disabled especially can have difficulty communicating or sharing stories of abuse. If they cannot communicate, trauma in the disabled can still be seen in their emotional regulation as well states of hyper or hypo-arousal. Children as well may have difficulty communicating sexual abuse since they do not understand it. Ultimately, it befalls upon us, not just as counselors but for everyone to observe and protect at risk populations to the potential of abuse. We do not want to become over scrupulous in seeing every hug as a potential grooming, but we need to see patterns and consistencies and most importantly listen to these at risk populations and understand how they communicate without dismissing.
In regards to children or those with disabilities, education is key. Teaching sexual and physical boundaries and identifying with at risk populations bad touches versus good touches is essential. As well as teaching children and others about the dangers of accepting weird gifts, or random flatteries that seem odd. Also, parents, caregivers and counselors need to be aware of at risk populations and their use of social media and messaging. It is essential to have limitations on the uses of these electronic devices as well as monitoring what is being viewed, sent, or read. Caretaking means being involved and being ready to discuss tough conversations by letting children, disabled or elderly that no conversation is awkward regarding potential abuse. Reassurance to believe and also teaching others is a big way to prevent grooming and to scare off potential predators.
Conclusion
Grooming is a disgusting process but unfortunately something that needs spoken about and addressed despite the discomfort. Counselors as well as any person needs to understand the phases of grooming and be especially mindful of at risk populations. This also involves prevention by educating individuals about grooming and creating an opening for positive dialogue and concern to prevent it.
Please also review AIHCP’s Trauma Informed Care Program as well as AIHCP’s multiple Healthcare Certification Programs.
Other AIHCP Blogs: “The Devastating Impact of Trauma on Children. Please click here
Reference
Compton, L & Patterson, T. (2024). Skills for Safeguarding: A Guide to Preventing Abuse and Fostering Healing in the Church” Intervarsity Press.
Additional Resources
“What Is Grooming?” (2025). Cleveland Clinic: Health Essentials. Access here
“The Real Red Flags of Grooming | What Every Parent, Educator, and the Public at Large Needs to Know” (2025). National Children’s Alliance. Access here
“The Grooming Behaviors Every Adult Should Recognize” Center for Violence Prevention and Self Defense Training. Access here
“Online grooming: how predators manipulate their victims” (2025). NetPsychology. Access here
