grief counseling certification

Erik Erikson’s Stages of Development and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Erik Erikson, a prominent psychologist, developed a psychosocial process to measure proper development of the human individual.  Through a series of steps in development throughout life, he theorized that the human individual must conquer certain stages in order to develop in a healthy way.  When certain stages are not properly conquered, future social and mental ramifications can occur that degrade the individual’s overall happiness.

There are a 8 stages according to Erik Erikson in human social development. They are crucial to living a fulfilled life

 

Obviously, when certain stages were not met, a person’s development was slowed and future consequences manifested later in life.  Unhappiness and a type of grief can develop when an individual does not reach certain milestones in life and this type of abstract grief exists in many individuals who have not fulfilled basic progression throughout life.  Hence, we will review these the 8 phases of development proposed by Erikson and see how failure to meet these developments can lead to grief and abstract loss in a qualify of life.

Erikson’s Eight Stages

Erikson’s Eight Stages correlate with infanthood to adulthood.  It transpires across a person’s complete social development from infancy to elder age and the importance within each phase to accomplish certain goals.  Erikson points out that some individuals who do meet the proper goal and virtue gained can also inherit a detrimental crux that hinders development and can later manifest in life.  Hence it is crucial for persons to develop certain skills and meet certain goals during different stages during development to build upon and become productive and mentally and emotionally healthy adults throughout life.  Individuals who do not suffer from a variety of maladies and mishaps throughout life that force mental and emotional struggles and even regression in life.  Ultimately, a very dissatisfied person can emerge at the end of life who has failed to meet many of these goals.

The first stage involves infancy from birth to 18 months.  In this age, the person learns trust or mistrust.  As a baby, the person is entirely dependent upon the caregiver.  Good and health attachments and bonds are formed that will serve a life time if the baby is given love and attention.  Trust lays the foundation and love is is the key ingredient to growth.  Hope is hence instilled in the baby’s view of the world.  Th When that bad care is given to a baby, poor attachments develop and the person will become mistrustful and have hard times forming healthy relationships.

Children need to reach basic goals in order to face the goals of adulthood

 

The second stage involves toddlers from age 2 to 3.  At this age, children will learn become more independent and learn new skills.   Walking, toilet training and other new skills emerge.  From this arrives autonomy or shame and doubt.  A child who successfully is able to navigate autonomy successfully will become more independent but when failure occurs, doubt and shame will emerge which can haunt a child’s ability to move forward in life.  It is important to develop a sense of will in the child to become more independent.

The third stage involves children ages 3 to 5.  Children begin to explore and take initiative through play and assertion of of power over their world.  Hence this stage is labeled initiative or guilt.  If the child exerts too much attempted control and receive disapproval, the child may experience guilt.  This can lead to the child not taking initiative in future endeavors.   It is important during this stage to form a strong sense of purpose to move forward.

The fourth stage involves the child developing skills that foster industry over inferiority.  It is critically important between ages 6 and 11 for the child to develop confidence and competence to complete tasks.  Those children who receive little encouragement will fall into doubt their abilities and become less equipped to move forward in life with confidence in their goals and skills.  It is hence important to build confidence within the child and help them develop basic skills to complete tasks.

Following this stage is the fifth stage that deals with adolescence and ages from 12 to 18.  The primary goal is identity over role confusion.  This stage looks to establish fidelity to self.  During teenage years with the many biological changes, teen agers are bombarded with pressures to succeed.  Peer pressure, future ambitions, and values are all challenged.  It is crucial during these difficult years to form an  identity of self.  It is important to understand who oneself is and what one stands for.  Sometimes this takes time and if not met, the person is constantly confused regarding what he or she stands for or wishes to be.  It is important for parents and guardians to help their teens express themselves in a healthy way so they can find a true identity as they enter into adulthood.

Adult Stages

Unfortunately many adults grew up in broken homes and had less than ideal lives.  They may never had a caring parent and may have issues of attachment or forming relationships.  Some may be fearful to be on their own or try new things.  They may have little faith in their skills or even who they are.  This leads to a very broken person who must find a way to answer these questions before he or she can ever proceed towards a fruitful and healthy life.  Many broken individuals exist because of these unconquered goals and face an uphill battle.   A sense of abstract loss hovers over them in their inabilities to form healthy relationships, set healthy boundaries and take initiatives with confidence.

Without these skills it almost impossible for them to enter into sixth stage of intimacy over isolation.  Individuals from the age of 19 to 40 look for a closer union with others.  Healthy individuals with good attachment bonds and confidence to love oneself are able to share with others.  They can share love, they can share dreams and they confidently move forward.  However, those who are not able to form healthy relationships are left to further isolation and an inability to find love.  This does not necessarily mean even romantic love, but any type of relationship.  Relationships are critical to survival.  As social creatures relationships help form one’s inter connections with the world.  Many individuals suffer immense grief due to this type of isolation.

A fulfilled life encompasses meeting the eight stages of Erikson.

 

Following this state is the seventh stage of middle adulthood from 40 to 65.  In this stage, the person looks to find generativity over stagnation.  Individuals who have formed solid relationships and have the core abilities from childhood to be autonomous and confident are able to succeed in life during middle age.  They are able to become educated, work, develop a career, and have family connections.  They possess mental, spiritual and physical qualities that they are proud to possess.  When middle age appears, they see themselves as caregivers to the next generation but also the previous.  They are able to care and teach.  However, those who have not been able to succeed due to lack of previous stage met goals, will find themselves in mid life crisis.  They will fear the future, lament the past and doubt where they are going in life.  This may lead to disastrous choices and foolish adventures.  Some may revert to immature behaviors well below their age.  This type of anxiety and grief is a displeasure about what they have become and where they currently are.

The final and eighth stage is integrity over despair.  Those persons from age 65 to death will experience a sense of fulfillment or a sense of failure.  Those who lived a good life and worked hard but also gave themselves time to love and live life will look back with a fond smile.  They will have grown in wisdom and have much to share with others.  They will know they have fought the good fight and left an overall good mark on the world.  However, those who have squandered their life will feel a sense of existential dread and despair.  They will see a life of mistakes and inabilities to fulfill dreams and help others.  This dark despair will lead to an unhappy death with little to show for.

Stages and Grief

While much of one’s personality is molded in the formative years, others through luck or grace of God can emerge as healthy adults.  Hence while there are contributing factors, one must ultimately accept accountability.  Those who are able to catch up with the goals of the stages and find competence can turn the rest of their life around.  Those who do not, will live a life of abstract loss and missed opportunities.  Those who takes the easy road and fail to push forward will experience the pain and grief of a failed life.

Many individuals face this grief and look to find meaning in life.   Grief Counselors can help direct individuals to better goals to satisfy the emptiness of an unfilled life.  The only answer to this type of abstract grief that leaves the soul empty is finding meaning in life.  Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs builds a foundation for basic survival but once a person’s biological needs and safety needs are met, one must have the emotional abilities to form relationships and experience love.  Have the emotional abilities to find success that fuels self esteem and to mentally, emotionally and spiritually actualize one’s overall potential.

When one lacks self fulfillment, an abstract grief emerges. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

When these things lack within the human person, a sense of depression and dread blanket them.  They feel useless and washed up.  They feel that they have no potential or ability to love or be loved.  They feel a myriad of negative emotions that chain them to a unfulfilled life.  This type of abstract grief can be as far damaging as any other type of loss.  It is hence important to help these individuals understand what they are lacking in their human development and enhance their confidence to develop and find the emotional ability to find happiness and meaning again.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.

 

Additional Resources

“Erik Erikson’s Stages Of Psychosocial Development”. Mcleod, S. (2023). Simple Psychology.  Access here

“Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development Explained”. Sutton, J. (2020). PositivePsychology.com.  Access here

“What to Know About Erikson’s 8 Stages of Development”. WebMed Editorial Contributors. (2023). WebMed.  Access here

“Eriksons Stages of Psychosocial Development”. Orenstein, G & Lewis, L. (2023). PubMed.  Access here

 

 

Grief and Aging

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Change and adapting to change is one of the primary ingredients of grief itself.  When something is altered or changed it requires adjustment.  Sometimes the adjustments are minor or insignificant, but the greater the change, the greater the adjustment.  Some adjustments are for the better and can be challenging but exciting, but some changes are closely related to losing something and adjusting to a new normal that is less than ideal.

The loss of youth is a true loss but through coping and healthy adjustment, one should be able to age throughout life with a healthy mindset

 

While one normally thinks of death and loss as the key changes and adjustments in life, one of the biggest changes in life is aging.  Aging sometimes can be exciting in one’s younger years but it can also be terrifying as middle age begins.   There are numerous fears that accompany aging.  Some of the fears are associated with primary changes while others are secondary and flow from the initial adjustments.  Some adjust and cope better, but ultimately the losses associated with aging usually are more focused on what one is losing than the gaining of any potential advantages.

The article, “The Grief of Growing Older” Josh Gressel takes a closer look at aging and the adjustment and losses associated with it.  He states,

“So much about growing older seems connected to loss: loss of muscle, loss of drive, loss of energy, loss of memory. If the first half (at least) of our life was all about growing a family, acquiring a profession, and building a nest egg, it can be very challenging to witness nature taking its course with our bodies and our minds and watch ourselves diminish, at least according to the metrics we’ve previously used to measure ourselves.”

“The Grief of Growing Older”. Gressel, J. (2023). Psychology Today.

To review the entire article, please access here

Commentary

Ultimately change is difficult although change occurs everyday.  Some may cope better than others and some changes may be more delightful than painful, but ultimately change creates adjustments.  Some adjustments can be painful and difficult.  With aging, some change is good and some change is bad.  One needs to have positive mindsets and coping skills to enjoy each phase of aging and to understand that change is not ultimately the end of the world.  Still, it is OK to grieve the loss of certain youthful attributes but one must be able to cope and enjoy the present.

Physical and Mental

As the Gressel points out, one of the biggest adjustments to aging is physical and mental loss.  One cannot escape the reality that eventually one will enter into middle age and even older age losing former abilities.  Losing strength, mobility and agility can take time to adjust to.  In addition, one’s physical appearance can change with less hair, more fat, and more wrinkles.  These facts of aging can be dreaded or accepted with grace.  Many utilize many ways to stay younger looking but eventually one must succumb to mother nature and learn graceful ways to embrace older age.

Middle Age Crisis

Those who do not adjust well to change may experience mid life crisis due to unfulfilled dreams or unmet expectations

 

As one ages, psychology, especially Erickson’s phases of life reflect on how one has matured and grown from a completely dependent child to a thriving adult.  One naturally reflects on success and what one has generated and added to life itself.  Once beyond the material and financial things, one looks at family and legacy itself.  For some, when things have not gone as well as hoped and one begins to age, it can trigger a crisis response.  One may revert to more immature behaviors or look for more superficial things to fill the void.  The adjustment to where one is at a certain age can be graceful or terrifying depending on one’s life.  Some may be able to celebrate where they are while others may frantically search to find meaning.

The Golden Years

While many dread becoming truly older and crave their youth and prime filled years, others again can reflect and find joy in their accomplishments.  For those the adjustment to elderly life is easier.  They can find retirement and grandchildren as a positive change, but others may worry about death, or regret life long decisions.  Hence again the adjustment to losing certain abilities but gaining other things depends upon one’s mindset.  Is the glass half empty or half full?

Aging is Perspective

Is the grief of aging due only to loss of youth or is it also due to loss of opportunity?   With aging, there comes losses, but also many gains.  The losses of family, the decrease in mental abilities and physical looks,  poorer health and memories long gone are sometimes overwhelming and one forgets the financial issues of youth, or the legal troubles of youth, or the uncertainties of it.   Those who are more prepared in life, tend to look more fondly on their past life and relish their accomplishments and look to share what they know with the younger generation.  They take the change of aging and are able to make it more positive than negative.  They embrace the financial security, the retirement, the maturity, the respect earned, and the life and legacy built.  Those who do not, tend to tremble in the aging process, wishing for more time, or seeking the fountain of youth itself.

Conclusion

While in aging there is loss there is also appreciation. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

So yes with aging there is definitely change which can be unnerving.  With aging also comes obstacles, grief and loss, but also with aging comes opportunity for growth and new dreams.  Those who cope and prepare better in life, adjust to age far better than those who do not.  Ultimately enjoy the present, so when the future arrives, you will not completely lament the past.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Some who have hard times adjusting to age and the losses associated with it may need grief counseling to overcome middle age crisis or elderly despair.  Grief Counselors can help individuals understand loss and adjustment and also opportunity in life’s overall narrative.

Additional Resources

“Healing Your Grief About Getting Older”. Wolfelt, A.   Age Brilliantly.  Access here

“Midlife Crisis or Midlife Myth? What to Know About Going ‘Over the Hill’”. Raypole, C. (2021). Healthline.  Access here

“Midlife” Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today.  Access here

The Importance of Sleep against Depression

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Neuroscience illustrates the critical importance of sleep.  The brain cells and neurons within the brain are able during sleep to carry out numerous functions during REM sleep that help the over functioning of the brain and body.  Sleep plays pivotal roles helping the body recuperate as well as restore and rebuild memories from throughout the day.  In addition, sleep helps promote growth and stimulates critical thinking.  Hence when sleep is deprived or greatly reduced it weakens the entire human organism from thinking and reflexes to basic functions.   In addition, it weakens the immune system opening one to various illnesses.

Lack of sleep can impair the brains’ ability to cope with stress and loss. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

One other negative effect without sleep is the chance of depression.  Due to  impaired cognitive functioning, the brain is less able to cope with stressors and grief.  Furthermore, neurotransmitters are weakened in their function, while the weakened immune system leads to one feeling less energized, prone to stress and its eventual consequences.    The article, “Sleep Quality Is A Stronghold Against Depression and Anxiety” from Neuro Science News takes a closer look at how lack of quality sleep ties with depression and anxiety.  The article states,

“Chronic stress is a major risk factor for a number of mental health disorders, including depression and pathological anxiety. Adaptive cognitive emotion regulation (CER) strategies (i.e. positively-focused thought processes) can help to prevent psychiatric disturbance when enduring unpleasant and stressful experiences, but little is known about the inter-individual factors that govern their success.  Sleep plays an important role in mental health, and may moderate the effectiveness of adaptive CER strategies by maintaining the executive functions on which they rely”

“Sleep Quality Is A Stronghold Against Depression and Anxiety”. Neuro Science News. (2023).  NeuroScienceNews.com

To read the entire article, please click here

Commentary

 

Sleep is an essential aspect of our well-being, playing a crucial role in maintaining our physical and mental health. We often underestimate the impact that sleep deprivation can have on our overall well-being, particularly on our mental health. Recent studies have shed light on the strong link between sleep and depression, revealing a vicious cycle where lack of sleep fuels the flames of depression. Understanding this connection is vital in addressing the silent struggles that many individuals face.

Understanding the effects of sleep deprivation on depression

Sleep deprivation is known to have detrimental effects on our mood and emotions, and this is especially true for individuals struggling with depression. When we don’t get enough sleep, our emotional regulation is compromised, leading to heightened levels of irritability, sadness, and anxiety. The lack of sleep disrupts the delicate balance of neurotransmitters in our brain, such as serotonin and dopamine, which play a vital role in regulating our mood. As a result, individuals who are sleep deprived are more prone to experiencing depressive symptoms and finding it difficult to cope with daily challenges.

Moreover, sleep deprivation also affects our ability to handle stress. When we are sleep deprived, our stress response becomes hyperactive, making it harder for us to manage and recover from stressful situations. This prolonged exposure to stress further exacerbates the symptoms of depression, creating a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break.

The impact of sleep deprivation on cognitive function

In addition to affecting mood and emotions, sleep deprivation also takes a toll on our cognitive function. Lack of sleep impairs our ability to concentrate, make decisions, and think clearly. It becomes harder to focus on tasks, leading to reduced productivity and performance. Sleep-deprived individuals often struggle with memory problems, finding it challenging to retain information and recall it when needed.

Lack of sleep can lead to depression. It is important to give the brain and body the time it needs to heal and refresh itself

 

Furthermore, sleep deprivation affects our executive functions, which are responsible for planning, organizing, and problem-solving. When these functions are compromised, it becomes harder to navigate the challenges of daily life, leading to increased frustration and a sense of helplessness. These cognitive impairments can significantly impact our overall well-being and contribute to the development and persistence of depression.

Sleep deprivation and the risk of developing depression

While lack of sleep can exacerbate existing depression, it can also increase the risk of developing depression in individuals who are otherwise healthy. Sleep deprivation disrupts the delicate balance of neurotransmitters in the brain, which can trigger the onset of depressive symptoms. Chronic sleep deprivation also affects the regulation of stress hormones, such as cortisol, which further contributes to the development of depression.

For those with less sleep, there is a greater chance of depression

 

Additionally, sleep deprivation weakens our immune system, leaving us more vulnerable to infections and illnesses. The physical toll that lack of sleep takes on our bodies can contribute to feelings of fatigue, low energy, and a general sense of malaise, all of which are common symptoms of depression. Therefore, prioritizing healthy sleep habits is crucial in reducing the risk of developing depression and maintaining good mental health.

Strategies for improving sleep quality

Improving sleep quality is essential in breaking the cycle of sleep deprivation and depression. Here are some strategies that can help:

Establish a consistent sleep schedule

Maintaining a regular sleep schedule is key in regulating our internal body clock. Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, even on weekends, helps train our bodies to recognize when it’s time to sleep and when it’s time to wake up. This consistency promotes better sleep quality and overall well-being.

Create a sleep-friendly environment

Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep. Make sure the room is dark, quiet, and at a comfortable temperature. Remove any distractions, such as electronic devices, and create a calming atmosphere that promotes relaxation.

Practice relaxation techniques before bed

Engaging in calming activities before bed can help signal to your body that it’s time to wind down. Try incorporating relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or gentle stretching into your bedtime routine. These practices can help reduce anxiety and promote better sleep.

Avoid stimulants and electronics before bed

Caffeine and electronic devices can interfere with your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Avoid consuming caffeine in the afternoon and evening, and limit your screen time before bed. The blue light emitted by electronic devices can disrupt your sleep-wake cycle, making it harder to fall asleep.

The role of sleep hygiene in managing depression

Sleep hygiene refers to the habits and practices that promote healthy sleep. It encompasses various aspects of our lifestyle and environment that can influence the quality of our sleep. For individuals struggling with depression, prioritizing good sleep hygiene can significantly contribute to their overall well-being.

Establish a bedtime routine

Having a consistent bedtime routine signals to your body that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. Engaging in calming activities such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practicing relaxation techniques can help you relax and transition into sleep.

Create a sleep-friendly environment

As mentioned earlier, creating a sleep-friendly environment is crucial for quality sleep. Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Invest in a comfortable mattress and pillows that support your body. Make your bedroom a peaceful and inviting space that promotes relaxation and restful sleep.

Limit daytime napping

While a short power nap can provide a temporary boost in energy, excessive daytime napping can disrupt your sleep-wake cycle. Limit daytime napping to 20-30 minutes and avoid napping too close to your regular bedtime.

Limit alcohol and nicotine consumption

Alcohol and nicotine can interfere with your sleep quality. While alcohol may make you feel drowsy initially, it disrupts your sleep cycle and can lead to fragmented and restless sleep. Nicotine, on the other hand, acts as a stimulant and can make it harder for you to fall asleep.

Seeking professional help for sleep-related issues and depression

If you’ve tried implementing healthy sleep habits and are still struggling with sleep-related issues and depression, it’s important to seek professional help. A healthcare provider or mental health professional can assess your symptoms, identify any underlying causes, and recommend appropriate treatment options.

They may recommend therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), which focuses on identifying and changing the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to sleep problems. Medications may also be prescribed to help regulate sleep and manage depressive symptoms.

Remember, reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and there are resources available to help you on your journey towards better sleep and improved mental health.

The importance of addressing sleep issues in mental health treatment

Addressing sleep issues should be an integral part of mental health treatment. Sleep deprivation can significantly impact the effectiveness of other therapeutic interventions and medications. By addressing sleep problems, healthcare providers can optimize the overall treatment plan for individuals struggling with depression.

Moreover, improving sleep quality can have a positive ripple effect on other areas of life. When we are well-rested, we have more energy, better cognitive function, and improved emotional regulation. This, in turn, can enhance our ability to engage in therapy, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and make positive lifestyle changes that support our mental well-being.

Conclusion: The importance of prioritizing sleep for mental well-being

In conclusion, the link between sleep and mental health is undeniable. Lack of sleep can fuel the flames of depression, exacerbating symptoms and making it harder to manage daily challenges. Understanding the effects of sleep deprivation on mood, emotions, and cognitive function is vital in addressing the silent struggles that many individuals face.

Healthy sleeping habits translate to a healthier life both mentally and physically

By prioritizing good sleep hygiene, seeking professional help when needed, and integrating sleep-focused interventions into mental health treatment, we can break the cycle of sleep deprivation and depression. Remember, a good night’s sleep is not just a luxury; it is an essential investment in our mental well-being. Let us prioritize sleep and take the necessary steps to nurture our minds and bodies for optimal mental health.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.

 

Additional Resources

“The Link Between Sleep and Depression”. Krouse, L. (2023). VeryWellHealth. Access here

“Sleep and Depression”. Fulghum Bruce, D. (2022). WebMD. Access here

“Depression and Sleep: Understanding the Connection”. John Hopkins Medicine.  Access here

“Depression and Sleep: What’s the Connection?”. JeWell, T. (2019). Healthline.  Access here

 

Grief and the Brain Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief and loss affect the brain and the results are the many experiences we feel when we lose someone.  The emotional imprint of the event itself is usually strengthened as it is processed through the Amygdala without much time for reason.  The emotionally charged memory of the event also sticks with one.  In addition, the Hypothalamus commands the Pituitary Gland to initiate a Fight or Flight Response hence creating an emotional and physical response to the stressor of the loss.  These feelings take time to control and for reason to return.  Hence why in so many cases when those who hear bad news or in denial, angry or extremely emotional.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification

Maslow and Human Love/Loss

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Fulfilled Need that Is Lost

Humanity in the fallen world has numerous needs to maintain existence.  Among the most basic needs are food and water.   Instinctively within human nature is a drive for to satisfy hunger and thirst, as well as drives to reproduce.  These are natural evolutionary forces that push the human person to exist and perpetuate the species.   In Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Maslow lists basic needs of existence as the base of all needs.  Following these needs are needs of safety and shelter.  Beyond that is a more complex social need of belonging and love.  Following this basic social need, is a mental need to perform and succeed in certain areas and talents that help manifest self esteem.   Still even beyond those accomplishments, there needs to be a self actualization of self that recognizes one has met one’s fullest potential.  Finally, after all these physical, social and mental accomplishments, one needs to find an existential or spiritual idea of meaning and tie that meaning into one’s life (Myers & Dewall, 2019, p. 351).  Hence humanity has many needs to find completeness .

One of Maslow’s needs is social fulfillment, When death happens, this need becomes unmet and leads to the grieving process

 

When these basic needs are denied or removed, one can experience a sense of loss.  Human loss is more than merely losing a loved one but is an assortment of losses that range from the everyday minor issues to other losses that include home, shelter, job, career, relationships, or lack of success.  Some of these loses are losses related to physical events, while other losses are more abstract, ambiguous or anticipated (Kastenbaum & Moreman. 2018, p. 374-375).

Attachment is key to any type of loss.  John Bowlby observed that the greater the attachment to something, the greater the loss reaction (Kastenbaum & Moreman, 2018, p. 378).  Hence grief is a simple formula of losing a vital attachment and learning to adjust without it.  The problem is the adjustment.  Especially when one considers the core of human needs includes love, being loved and belonging.  When someone is ripped away from another, these needs are now unfulfilled and lead to an adjustment period referred to as the bereavement period.  Ironically, there is no true period of grieving but a life long reaction to adjustment of the absence of that love.  Some proceed through the adjustment period without pathology, while others are able to better cope.

Kubler Ross gave various stages to the adjustment of loss.  Denial, anger, sadness, negotiating and acceptance became the 5 classic steps to grieving ( Kastenbaum & Moreman. 2018, p. 380). However, while these emotions clearly are part of the grieving process, one cannot neatly place grief into stages.  Grief instead is messy.  Grief oscillates from extremes and reverts back and forth between different emotions. (Bonano, G. 2019, p.40).  Ultimately, the person must perform the needed grief work to adjust to the new status.  The person must search for meaning in the loss (Wolfelt, A.

This is why Robert Neimeyer’s work on Meaning Reconstruction is so key to overall healing.  Neimeyer looks to connect past, present and future, pre-loss and post-loss into one story of a person’s life.  The loss must be incorporated into the full narrative of the human person (Worden, J. 2009, p. 5-6).   This incorporates the loss more fully into the person’s existence and finds meaning in the loss itself.  It also helps the individual realize that while the loss and absence of love physically exists, the continued bond in memory and in life itself still exists.  The love that was shared is a part of one’s life and continues to shape oneself.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs clearly illustrates the necessity of love, being loved and belonging, but when these things are torn away through loss, a serious grief reaction occurs and individuals need to understand how to cope and incorporate loss into life.

Motivation to Find the Beloved

In psychological studies, the person is driven by motivation.  Motivation is defined as “need or desire that energizes and directs behavior” (Myers & Dewall. 2019, p. 349).  In addition to genetic and evolutionary drives, one is also driven to certain goods via an arousal of the psychological state that looks to decrease that desire through obtaining or fulfilling it.  This is referred to as Drive-Reduction Theory (Myers and Dewall. 2019, p. 349).

There is a continued drive to remained connected with the deceased

 

The need and drive finding the beloved after loss is definitely a natural and evolutionary urge.  The process of bereavement helps the individual react and adjust through a series of emotions to understand the loss itself.  This can be difficult at first to rationally understand, since emotionally charged events are first deciphered through Amygdala.  This short road is far more emotional and reactionary to an initial loss (Myers and Dewall. 2019, p. 370).   Charged emotions respond to this drive to find the lost or deceased person.  This is why denial is so common when a horrible event occurs.

Emotion plays a large role in one’s appetites and how one is pushed towards or pulled away from an object.  According to Myers and Dewall, emotion itself is the response of the whole organism from physiological arousal, expressive behaviors and conscious experience (2019, p. 369).  Within the list of emotions, many scientists differ what are the core base emotions, but most concede that anger, fear, disgust, sadness and happiness are the basic human emotions (Myers and Dewall. 2019, p.369). Others also include interest, shame, guilt, as well as pride and love (Myers and Dewall. 2019, p. 369).

Obvious sadness is a key emotion related to loss.  The desire to return to a normal state of existence and the inability to do so frustrates the will and the absence of the beloved causes intense sadness.  Sadness as an emotion helps readjust but it also is beneficial as a social key in illustrating to others a sign of distress.  Due to various cues of facial expressions one can infer another person is struggling (Bonano, G. 2019, p. 31).   So while the bereaved is motivated internally and naturally to find the deceased, the function of sadness helps the person find adjustment and understanding overtime of the loss.

The drive to continue the bond with the deceased is not pathological, as past Freudian views pointed out ( Kastenbaum & Moreman. 2018, p. 379).  Instead it healthy to continue the bond through spiritual practice or memorialization.  Successful grieving in fact involves this continuation of the bond (Bonano, G. (2019, p. 140).   However, there are limits to healthy continuation of the bond and pathological.  Healthy coping will continue the bond in a non maladaptive way that accepts the loss and permits everyday existence but unhealthy bonding can be illustrated in cases such as clinging to possessions of the deceased (Bonano, G. 2019, p. 141).   This clinging is far different than keeping a few objects, but this pathological reaction involves extreme hoarding of past possessions and refusal to move forward.  In fact, in some cases, the room is left perfectly as was prior to the death (Bonano, G. 2019. p.140).

Hence one can understand the extreme motivational drive and need to maintain a bond with the deceased even after the death has occurred.  It is a healthy drive but one that needs moderated.

Conclusion

Psychological needs to love, be loved, belong and maintain those bonds is a key drive within the human person.  When these things are frustrated, the drive continues to push forward in the process of bereavement.  Overtime, this drive adjusts but it takes time to adjust to loss.

Emotions are key to expressing ourselves. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

 

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

References

“Exploring Psychology” 11th Edition. Myers, D & Dewall, N. (2019). Worth Publishers: Macmillan Learning, NY

“Other Side of Sadness”. Bonano, G. (2019). Basic Books, NY.

“Death, Society and Human Experience” 12th Edition. Kastenbaum, R. & Moreman, C. (2018). Routledge, NY and London.

“Understanding Your Grief” 2nd Edition.  Wolfelt, A.  (2021). Companion, Fort Collins, CO.

“Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy”. 4th Edition. Worden, J. (2009). Springer Publishing Company, NY

Additional Resources

“Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs”. Mcleod, S. (2023). Simply Psychology. Access here

“The Value of Sadness”. Firestone, L. (2015). Psychology Today.  Access here

“What is Attachment Theory? Bowlby’s 4 Stages Explained”. Ackerman, C. (2018). PositivePsychology.com. Access here

“16 Tips for Continuing Bonds with People We’ve Lost”. Williams, L.  (2014). What’s Your Grief?  Access here

 

 

 

Memory and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Memory

As sentient beings, the human person is composed of past and present events that construe identity.  Without a process to recall who one was, then one loses the sense of self.  While metaphysically, the wholeness of the individual still exists, the physiological ability to recount past events due to dementia or brain damage can play a detriment to the past self.  The process of retaining the past and what has been learned is referred to as memory.

Emotion, grief and loss are powerful agents in memory. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Memory is critical to existence of any organism.  The memories can be explicit or implicit.  Both are extremely important.   Explicit memories refer to one’s conscious memories that are retrieved with effort.  They include semantic and episodic events.  Semantic refers to factual knowledge, while episodic refers to events.   The implicit memory is automatic and can recall more primitive and conditioned responses without effort to recall.  These include space and time, motor and cognitive skills and natural reactions learned from classical conditioning.   Explicit memories are short term stored in the Hippocampus and long term stored in the cortex, while implicit memories are stored in the more primitive areas of the brain in the Cerebellum and Basal ganglia. These types of memories permit one to live day to day knowing one’s conscious past self as well one’s automatic responses and skills that are imbedded within one’s subconscious.

When an event occurs, our senses interpret the data and the brain encodes, stores and when needed later, retrieves.   The neurons in the brain form various interconnections and physiologically capture the abstract thought.  In this amazing transfer of abstract to material, memories are kept.    Some information is stored temporary in short term memory but more important life events are stored in long term memory.  Obviously, the more important the event, the more long lasting the memory.  In fact, in intense, traumatic, or critically important moments, the emotional part of the brain and the Amygdala reacts to an event.  The body produces more glucose for better brain activity and the event and subsequent memory has a far strong imprint upon the person.

In the case of severe trauma, a smaller percentage of the population is unable to store the memory properly and it becomes fragmented and unable to store to the point where it is not properly integrated first with the Hippocampus and then later with the cortex hence resulting in PTSD.  The fragmented memory hence becomes a haunting event that is triggered via sound, scent and place and can manifest in flash backs or nightmares and night terrors.

Memory and Loss

Obviously, some of the most intense memories are loss.  When someone a loved one passes away, the vivid nature of the memory is more strong due to the emotional connection and the reaction of the Amygdala to the situation.  This leaves a very vivid memory.   One can relate to the most detailed accounts of an emotional event, to the event itself, but also side details of the what one felt at the moment, the surrounding environment and people present, while other past memories not emotionally charged or almost completely forgotten and if remembered only in a foggy way.  The emotion involved in losing someone charges the brain so much that the memory remains very strong.  In fact, the neural networking between neurons is much stronger in an emotional memory.

This is good and “bad”.  It is good because it is a critical moment in one’s life but it is “bad” because it causes more pain when retrieving it.  Obviously, I put “bad” in quotations only because of the distress associated with the retrieval but very few would ever trade an emotional memory of such critical importance no matter how sad.  Hence when recovering from a loss, the memory remains vivid and strong and can be retrieved consciously but also through automatic functioning via scent, sound or place.   In many ways, the brain does not wish to forget the event and this is why the more intense the attachment, the more intense the loss reaction.  The brain clearly understands love and attachment and it holds very dear the memory of that attachment and has evolutionary designs to ensure the connection beyond the event.

The Amygdala signals emotional reaction associated with a loss hence creating a stronger imprint on the brain’s memory of the loss. This is why the memory remains strong and with someone going through grief and loss

 

While some memories may hurt, many during the grieving process fear the loss of these memories.  While memories of loss are painful, they connect one to the lost loved one.  The fear of losing those memories is like losing the person again.  Sometimes, individuals will fear even losing the memory of loved one’s face, smile or voice.  Fortunately, the strong neural networking for important events allows one to hold tight to the treasured memories of a loved one.  Even after reconsolidation, when memory is retrieved and reviewed again with the possibility of altering before being stored again, is less likely in a intense traumatic or eventful memory.

While memory is still not perfect due to injury, or forgetfulness over time, many individuals who lose a loved one are encouraged to memorialize the loss.  This is not only critical in acknowleding the loss and also celebrating the relationship in a healthy coping way, but it also permits one to submit additional records beyond one’s memory.  A written log in a journal, pictures, or a tribute of some type all strengthen memory of the deceased and ensure a written record of one’s loss.

In addition, sleep and dreams at a subconscious level maintain memory.  During sleep many things are encoded into the longer term memory.  In dreams, information is processed but also neural networks are strengthened.  Unfortunately, traumatic events are also relived albeit in symbolic form.  The loss of a loved one is remembered in dreams as the brain recollects the emotional event. While most dreams of a deceased loved one are merely the working of the brain while one sleeps, many contend that in dreams the loved one comes to them in a spiritual way due to the subconscious state of the mind.  Many religious and spiritual views contend that dreaming is not only remembering but also a way the deceased can communicate.  While empirically this is not possible to test, those of faith maintain these experiences.   Science in this case cannot negate or confirm, hence one is left to faith and one’s own subjective experience and belief.

Conclusion

Memories are critical to self.  The most important memories and life events are fortunately emotionally charged and hard to forget.  This plays a major role in how one processes grief and learns to adjust to the loss itself.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

 

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Reference

“Exploring Psychology”.  Myers and DeWall. (2019).  Worth Publishers, New York.

Additional Resources

“Healing Your Brain After Loss: How Grief Rewires the Brain”. (2021) The American Brain Foundation.  Access here

“What Does Grief Do to Your Brain?”. Pedersen, T. (2022). Psychology Today.  Access here

“GOOD GRIEF: HOW MOURNING CAN AFFECT YOUR MEMORY”. Lundstrom, J.  SimpleSmartScience. Access here

“Emotions Can Affect Your Memory — Here’s Why and How to Handle It”. Swaim, E. (2022). Healthline. Access here

Negative Coping

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Negative coping can make grief worse than it is.  It can lead to later complications.  It is hence important to do grief work.  It is important to acknowledge the loss and work with it.  This may involve some bad days but it is working towards an adjustment of living without something or someone.  By avoiding the loss, or doing more uninhibited activities, or taking pills or drugs, one is ignoring the loss and problem.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling

Attachment Disorder Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Human bonds are very important since human beings are social.  When bonds are not formed properly in early childhood, the effects on the personality of an individual can be devastating.   Individuals can have difficulty forming healthy and trusting relationships with other individuals.  It can affect relationships and other social bonds with friends and family.

Some individuals may have inhibited or uninhibited attachment disorders which avoid intimacy or form superficial and fake relationships without substance.  Some may exhibit more avoidance while others may display an extreme anxiety with others.  This has tremendous affects on loss and grief as well because it forms complications when a person passes away.

The video below discusses the topic of attachment disorders in greater detail.  In the meantime, please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Please review the video below

Grief on the Brain

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief effects the whole entirety of the human person.  The emotional aftershocks of a loss are so emotionally devastating that the after shocks rock the brain and in turn physically rattle the body.  Individuals who lose a person they loved hence experience a total reckoning as the body looks to readjust and recalibrate to the loss itself.  When this occurs, the brain itself is rewiring itself with neuro pathways to associate with the loss and initial unprocessed and raw feelings.  These raw feelings  surge from the amygdala and trigger a variety of neurochemicals within the brain that deal with the loss and pain of someone dying.

Grief and loss have a staggering effect on the brain. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Like stress, the flight or fight response is activated which increases the heart rate, raises blood pressure and produces cortisol to deal with the stressful and painful trauma of losing someone.  This of course gives more free reign to the amygdala over the reasoning area of the pre-frontal cortex.  This is what leads to more emotional outbursts, less reason, less memory, and less concentration itself.  In reality, the brain and its entirety of parts is in some way responding to the loss itself.

The article, “How does grief affect the brain?” by Joe Phelan looks at the many issues associated with the brain’s reactions to loss and the after effects upon the human body.  The article is strongly based off Lisa Shulman, a Neurologist who studied extensively the effects of grief on the brain.  According to Shulman,

“The amygdala [the brain’s center for emotions], deep inside the primitive part of the brain, is always on the lookout for threats,” Shulman said. “When triggered, it sets off a cascade of events that put the entire body on high alert — the heart speeds up, breathing rate increases and blood circulation is increased to the muscles to prepare to fight or flee.”

“How does grief affect the brain?”. Joe Phelan. January 8th, 2023. Live Science

To read the entire article, please click here

Grief Work

Helping the brain heal is what grief work is all about.  Grief work helps re-create new neuro pathways that can associate other connections with the deceased that are not only associated with the death itself.   The brain, evolutionary, will long the absence of a loved one.  This is critical for survival, so naturally it takes time to create new neuro pathways that are beyond simply mourning and trying to find the one who is no longer present.  The yearning is a direct result of this and until adaptation manifests and new neuro pathways with new experiences are paved, then one remains in deep grief.

Rewiring one’s neuro pathways in relationship to the loss involves grief work and reconstructive narratives of one’s life

 

When Pro-Longed Grief occurs or more severe grief due to trauma, complications can occur which can keep the brain trapped in acute grief.  The unprocessed and raw emotional pain, similar to memories and sensations in PTSD, are not processed into long term memory.  This can lead to longer grieving periods until the information and memory is properly processed, stored and new neuro pathways allow for different connections with the deceased.

It is hence a sad tragedy when grief literally kills one of a broken heart.  When things are not processed, adjustments not made, the constant chronic state of fight or flight can produce extra stress on the heart and blood pressure itself.

Reworking Neuro Pathways

Meaning reconstruction is key in helping rework neuro pathways in the brain that associate the loss in a new perspective but also allow memory to properly be processed within the brain.  This helps prevent intense emotion that oscillate with more frequency and intensity in the early stages of the brain from continuing to do so many months later.  Meaning reconstruction also helps create a new narrative regarding the deceased, re-establishing a new relationship not found in the temporal world.  It also helps connect the loss with the present and future, as if chapters within a book.  The past chapters of the person’s life and the deep connection with parent or spouse are still integral parts, but those relationships are adjusted and understood in new ways of the person’s next chapters.

Ways to begin to carve out new neuro pathways include journaling and memorializing.  Through these two grief works, one is able to remember and honor.  The words on paper can help the person adjust and the new memorials can help them cherish the past but also strengthen the bond in its new form.  Grief work is tough but throughout, the brain begins to form new connections and grief leaves its acute stage and enters into a far less disruptive force.

Does this mean the loss goes away?  The sense of loss never leaves.  The connection in the brain and memories can trigger intense emotion, but these triggers are natural and not pathological as in cases of PTSD or depression.  As long as love once existed, then the loss will always have meaning and tears can emerge at a moment’s notice.  This is not bad but is the result of an emotional scar of losing someone very dear and special.  It is to many individuals a sign of their undying love and reminder of the value of the person no longer present.

Conclusion

To understand more about how grief effects the brain, please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

Grief has a profound effect on the soul, mind and body.  It takes time to adjust to it without ever truly healing. However, like all wounds, despite the scar, one heals.  Retraining the brain so one can again emotionally function is the aspect of grief work.  Adjustment is essential and new neuro pathways are key to that adjustment.  With so many false ideas about grief and myths regarding it, individuals can grasp in the chaos of loss longer than they need to.  Grief Counselors can help individuals suffering from the trauma of loss and help guide them through the difficult process.

Please also review The American Academy of Grief Counseling’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Bibliography

“How does grief affect the brain?”. Joe Phelan. January 8th, 2023. Live Science

Additional Resources

“How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal”. Berly McCoy. December 20th, 2021. NPR. Access here

“How grief rewires the brain and can affect health – and what to do about it”. Michael Merschel,  March 10th, 2021.  The American Heart Association. Access here

“What Does Grief Do to Your Brain?”. Traci Pedersen. May 6th, 2022. Psych Central.  Access here

“How Grief Changes the Brain”. Sophia Dembllng. August 18th, 2022. Psychology Today. Access here

 

 

Grief Support Vs Clinical Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief care and support is a key element in mental health.  It is not a pathological treatment but a humane way to be there for another person.  This is why it is lay and pastoral in nature within church, chaplaincy, hospice, funeral, and other pastoral settings.  Many professionals help individuals deal with basic human loss and how to come to terms with it.  AIHCP certifies many individuals to help others in this adjustment to loss and how to understand the nature of grief and loss itself.

There is a large difference between grief support and clinical grief counseling. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program

 

AIHCP’s certifications also aid others who are clinical professionals who wish to obtain a Grief Counseling Certification.  However, licensed and clinical professionals are innately able to offer more than basic lay and pastoral grief counseling but can offer clinical counseling for grief that goes off the rails.  When grief becomes pro-longer, complicated or depression exists, clinical and licensed counselors are needed to help and aid.  Those who obtain certification in grief counseling but are only lay in nature cannot offer clinical assistance in grief itself.

It is important to understand these key differences between lay and pastoral grief counseling via grief support and licensed and clinical grief counseling itself.  This is one of the most numerous questions individuals ask when becoming grief certified.  They do not understand the differences between grief support and clinical grief counseling and what a certification in grief counseling permits them to perform.  Again the answer is simple, ones certification enhances understanding in the grieving process but the level at which one helps others is determined not by the certification but the professional status of the individual seeking certification

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.

 

Please review the video below