Grief and loss equal change. The adaptation to change is the hardest thing to deal with when overcoming grief. Time is inherent with change. Hence many people can grieve over the issue of time itself. Time changes and alters things, places, people and status. One can mourn the past and fear the future or mourn their own inherent change and demise. Others realize that time pushes them further and further away from the passing of a loved one. Each new day adds to the initial separation and fear of forgetting.
Hence time can be the ultimate source of grief. The loss is time itself and the change and differences that occur over time. Individuals who are OCD or grieving or fearful of change will have a difficult time adjusting to any change. While grief over change occurs, we must remember that change is not always bad but sometimes is for the best. Good things can occur and if we live in constant fear of change, or grieve over how it used to be, then we may very well be missing the beauty of the present.
Time is change. For many change is the greatest source of grief. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
One needs to identify the beauty of the day, remember the past and cherish it, but not allow it to dominate present happiness. Loss and change can still be valid sources of grief and those losses must be dealt with but fortunately as time passes, so does the ability to adjust to loss. While we may miss the past or someone from long ago, we can still learn and grow and appreciate the present.
The article, “Mourning the Passage of Time” by Eleanor Haley of “Whats Your Grief” looks at six aspects of time and grief. She states,
“Changes can cause a person to experience losses related to death, distance, estrangement, anticipatory grief, and grief over the transformation of a person who is still present”
Time truly can cause many griefs. Getting older, changing, losing people and places no longer being around, but these losses are part of life. Change is part of life and like grief, we must learn to adjust to change. We are linear creatures and time is a constant. Those who fear time and change, miss the meaning of life. Being able to understand and appreciate the present, cherish the past and face the future are better equipped to deal with the inherent pain of change that comes with it.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program. Qualified professionals can apply for a four year certification and become certified. Please review the program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
Grief Counseling is more needed than it is used unfortunately. Many people drift away and allow pain and loss to negatively affect them. They sometimes do more damage by hiding grief. Grief Counseling is for basic loss. It can help one heal and cope better with loss and prevent pathological later reactions to grief. Certified grief counselors can play key roles in helping others deal with basic grief loss.
Learn more how to become a certified grief counselor by reviewing AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your professional goals.
The article, “Demystifying Grief Counseling: Five FAQs” from Whats Your Grief looks at the importance of grief counseling. The article states,
“First, we want to clarify what we mean by ‘grief counseling’. When we use the terms ‘grief counseling’, we’re using it to mean any type of one-on-one, couples, or family therapy, provided by a licensed counselor, to someone(s) who experienced a significant loss. Ideally, the counselor will have experience and expertise related to grief and bereavement, though their backgrounds will vary. ”
It is important to realize that licensed counselors can provide more indepth counseling beyond basic loss. Many licensed counselors are also grief certified. Qualified professionals who are not licensed can provide basic grief support but not beyond the basic elements of loss. To read the entire article, please click here
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training for certified grief counselors. The program is open to qualified professionals who are looking for an online and independent study program
Such comments as “you are so strong” during grief can have well intentions but pose problems to the griever. It creates an atmosphere where strength in grief is looking strong or tough or hiding it, or that one must be strong despite grief. These ideals are not what it means to be truly strong in grief.
What does it truly mean to be strong in grief? Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals
Whats Your Grief Article, “What Does it Mean to Be Strong in Grief?” does an excellent job of pointing out the true strength in grief. The article reads,
“Strength in grief is acknowledging, feeling, and expressing emotion. To help people understand how broadly strength in grief can be defined, we want to ask you – what does strength in grief look and feel like to you?”
Strength in grief is accepting grief. It is doing the little things. It is being scared, vulnerable and sad but going through the process. It is important as grief counselors to realize that when helping others face the grief process. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Grief flows into every aspect of life and the work place is no exception. It is important for employers to be able to identify grieving employees and help them. This sometimes involves time off but also an open ear to listen to any issues the employee may be experiencing. This is important for productivity and smoothness within the business but it also is the basics of a good human being. We need to see employees as people and respect their emotions. It is critical to good business but goes well beyond it.
How can employers help grieving employees? Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “How To Support Employees Experiencing Grief And Loss” by Stephanie Sarkis looks at how employers can help employees grieve and have the time they need to fix issues of loss at home. She states,
“You may have employees that have lost loved ones. Compounding the grief, many were not able to attend a funeral or memorial service due to social distancing guidelines. Many people who died of Covid-19 died alone, or with medical staff holding up a phone or tablet so a patient could see their family and friends one last time.”
Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification. The certification is for qualified professionals who are looking for professional credentials to help in the area of loss and bereavement. Plese review the program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Many individuals new to loss do not understand its very nature. They think grief is a pathology or grief is short term and individuals get over it. These ideals are quickly dismissed as the person realizes grief is a life long journey that helps us deal with loss. It is a reaction to loss. Loss is part of life and hence unfortunately so is grief. As a person accepts this, then their healthy reaction to grief and loss changes. The ability to understand that grief is a life long journey and that grief is not something to dismiss but to embrace is a reality that helps the person recover and adjust to the new reality.
Grief is critical to healing and adjustment. It is life long but heals. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your professional goals
The article, “Grief For Beginners: 5 Things To Know About Processing Loss” by Stephanie O’Neil looks at five key points that beginners in grief need to discover. She states,
“Psychologist William Worden developed the concept, which involves four main tasks: acceptance of the loss, processing that loss, adjusting to life without the deceased person and finding ways to maintain an enduring connection with your loved one as you continue your life.”
Grief is a long process but it brings healing if one accepts it and works through it with the correct mindset. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
The article below is from Chris Haws, founder of Telegrief. Online assistance is critical for individuals facing depression during quarantine. Online assistance and appointments are also a wave of the future for many in the mental field. Chris Haws discusses the vital importance of online communication for mental health.
TELEGRIEF
One of the frequent characteristics of grieving is that people isolate and withdraw from their everyday lives. They need time to think, time to reflect and time to cry. They need to assess this new reality – a reality without that much loved spouse, partner, parent, child, sibling or friend. Some people find it easier than others and can re-engage with the world in their on time and at their own pace. In every case, the support of a professional grief counselor can be invaluable during this transition from acute, agonizing, pain to a new way of living that integrates the grief and the sorrow of the loss into an ongoing, meaningful and even joyful existence. People can and do learn that it’s OK to laugh – and love – again.
Isolation and grief are not a good mixture. Chris Haws offers online services for the isolated through Telegrief.
But what if the isolation is imposed by circumstances beyond the grief sufferer’s control? Circumstances such as the current Covid-19 pandemic that is forcing everyone to “lockdown”, “shelter in place”, and “self-isolate”? It’s tough enough for people with busy lives to lead, mouths to feed and families to raise. Throw the emotionally shattering experience of a bereavement on top of all that and the result can be devastating.
Fortunately, although hugs and literal hand holding can be comforting, the grief counselor’s principal job is to listen. And having listened, to gently guide the sufferer out of the darkness of their pain towards the brighter world in which their grief is not denied or suppressed, but is integrated into the next chapter of a purposeful and satisfying life.
And that’s why remote counseling works. Whether by phone, or using one of the new video linking technologies, counselors can still listen and interact with their clients just as effectively as they can in face to face sessions – and, paradoxically, sometimes even more comfortably. Clients can sometimes be more “themselves” when they don’t have to tidy the house or dress up before the counselor arrives, or take the bus or get in their cars to travel to a distant consulting room.
Prompted by Covid-19, but building on prior experience with an international clientele that is scattered across the country and around the world, that’s why psychologist and grief counselor Chris Haws has created “Telegrief”. Clients can interact remotely with Chris using whatever technology they choose, and the results are already proving to be remarkable. If you or someone you know are in need of counseling for a recent bereavement, then go to telegrief.com and check out what Chris Haws is offering. As he says “It’s your call”.
Chris Haws is a British born Psychologist and Counselor based in Northwest DC who specializes in bereavement and grief, substance abuse and recovery, and personal development and mindfulness. For over three decades, his writing has appeared in print, radio and TV around the world. He is the founder of “Telegrief” and can be contacted at telegrief.com
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
Depression can have many origins. It is deeper than mere loss but a prolonged and unhealthy response to loss, or no loss at all. Depression can be triggered by an event or loss but it can also merely exist within someone due to chemical and biological factors, or psychological factors.
One may find themselves in deep depression and should seek help. Medical professionals, clinical counselors with specialties in grief counseling can also help. Others who are only certified in grief counseling can direct depressed individuals to proper professional care.
Depression can have many origins that are external and internal. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it meets your professional goals
The article, “Four Types of Depression” looks at the various types of why people can be depressed. Dr John Cottone takes a closer look in his article and explains these types of depression. He states,
“Virtually everyone has some experience with depression; however, the term “depression” has so many different meanings that confusion and invalidation often result when laypersons talk about their experiences. To address this problem, I have created a simple schema, based on my work with patients and my own personal experiences, to help people understand each other better when talking about depression. ”
Hence depression is a multi layered phenomenon that sometimes has a cause and other times has no direct correlation with an event but only self. To read the entire article, please click here
Chris Haws is a certified Grief Counselor through the American Academy of Grief Counseling. Below is an article from Telegrief.com. In it, Chris discusses the true nature of grief and the reality that it does not simply go away but is something we have to work with and live with for the rest of our lives. He offers some helpful ideas on dealing with the reality of Grief.
Talking Grief
By Chris Haws
Not many of us reach middle age without having encountered at least one gentle reminder of our mortality. A beloved uncle, an old school friend, or even a favorite celebrity …… news of their passing makes us sad, and may even make us pause for a moment. But the world doesn’t stop turning and the birds don’t stop singing.
Up close, however, bereavement can be a very different story. The death of a spouse, a sibling, a parent or a child can be so devastating that it feels as if your world has come to a grinding halt and that your entire existence has been turned inside out. Your mind is in a fog, you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, your heart aches and you feel as if you’ve been kicked by a mule. You’re experiencing acute grief and it hurts. That’s not too surprising, since all of those unwelcome sensations are the natural consequence of your mind and your body trying to cope with the shock of your loss. Indeed, neuroscientists and endocrinologists have identified dozens of different brain regions, neural pathways and hormonal reactions to account for all of these unpleasant physical feelings. But the good news is that not only are they entirely natural and predictable, (so you aren’t going mad), but they also won’t last forever.
But we’re not just talking about physical feelings here, are we? Bereavement is not the same as a scraped knee or a bruised thumb, both of which can mend themselves in a relatively short period of time. Acute grief is a profound malady of body and mind (and, some would add, soul) that needs gentle, compassionate, sustained treatment and care …… and it can take a while.
Chris Haws points out that grief is not something that magically heals over a week but is something that is much deeper than a simple cut or bruise
It’s important to remember that there is no pre-ordained schedule or time limit for grief, any more than there is a “checklist” of stages to be ticked off. It’s unfortunate that the popular press will sometimes regurgitate the so-called “Five Stages of Grief”, as if they were commonly agreed medical fact. They are not, and it’s worth noting that when Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first identified the five emotions of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance in her work at the University of Chicago Medical School in 1969, she was referring specifically to the emotions of terminally ill patients who had been told that they had only a few months to live – and not to the emotions of people who were grieving the loss of someone else. Subsequent research has failed to identify any pre-ordained stages or timetables in the grieving process and it is now commonly accepted that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. But while counselors no longer talk about stages of grief, we have identified a number of different categories of grief, and that list is long, and growing. Dr Kübler-Ross’s subjects were suffering from what is now known as Anticipatory Grief. Other categories include Complicated Grief, Disenfranchised Grief, Chronic Grief, Cumulative Grief, and almost a dozen more. They each have their own particular characteristics, but the task facing a grief counselor is generally the same for each.
Firstly, people have to be reassured that while their physical symptoms are distressing and painful, they are also typical and temporary. Bereavement is as profound an emotional shock to the system as a major injury and it will take time to heal. In many ways grieving can be likened to PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, and the treatment protocols can be similar too. People also need to be reassured that it’s not only “OK” to express their grief – by occasionally bursting into tears, for example – but that talking through their raw feelings with others can be an important part of the healing process. Of course, not everyone is very good at dealing with someone who is grieving, and even the most well-meaning friend can sometimes say unhelpful, or even hurtful, things. And that’s when grief counselors can really make a difference. We’re trained not only to guide people through the acute phase of their grief, but to also help them integrate that grief into what will become their new reality.
Chris Haws points out that while certified grief counselors as well as licensed counselors can help one through the initial phase of acute grief, the greater challenge is helping one incorporate the loss into one’s new reality
And that acceptance of the concept of a new reality lies at the heart of integrated grief. By definition, a bereavement is always irreversible no matter how much we might wish it could be otherwise. So as grief counselors, we spend a lot of time encouraging people to avoid traveling down the “coulda / shoulda” pathways, or retreading “what if’s” and “if only’s”. Wishing for a different history is entirely understandable, we all do it in our everyday lives, but in the context of grief it is ultimately not very helpful or productive. A major part of our job as counselors, therefore, is to gently steer the focus of our clients’ energy away from their loss and the more painful aspects of their immediate past, such as their loved one’s unexpected accident or illness, towards a future that can celebrate the happy times that they and their departed enjoyed together .
A future that can – and will – be full of laughter, joy and meaning again.
Chris Haws is a British born Psychologist and Counselor based in Northwest DC who specializes in bereavement and grief, substance abuse and recovery, and personal development and mindfulness. For over three decades, his writing has appeared in print, radio and TV around the world. He is the founder of “Telegrief” and can be contacted at telegrief.com
Also be sure to review our Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
It is a misconception that depression cannot affect men. Men like to hide their emotion due to social norms. These social norms can be damaging to the mental health of many men. The tough image of men do not cry is something engraved in society. Hence crying or depression is a sign of weakness in modern society. These norms need broken and it needs to be understand all human beings can suffer from depression.
Men also need consoling and support in depression. Please also review our Grief Counseling Training Program
The article, “Depression can affect men, too” by Vince Faust states,
Men with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. The severity, frequency and duration of symptoms will vary depending on the individual and his particular illness. There is no single known cause of depression. Depression is caused from a combination of genetic, biochemical, environmental and psychological factors.
It is important to recognize depression in both men and women and help individuals find the help they need Certified Grief Counselors can help identify depression and lead clients to the places they need for help. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Due to the pandemic of Covid-19, society for the first time in 100 years has seen the necessity for a self imposed and state quarantine. Noone alive, or at least old enough to recall, remembers the 1918 influenza commonly referred to as the Spanish flu. The Wuhan Virus, Coronavirus, or which ever you prefer to call it has brought present day society to something it has never experienced. This experience will create anxiety and issues for the most healthy, but it can create far worst reactions in those who suffer from mental illness. substance abuse and depression.
Those who need social constructs to help them through daily life have been stripped of important support systems. The depressed, the mentally unstable and the addict need to speak to peer groups or counselors. They need prescriptions and medication to help maintain a normal balance in life. This disruption poses a double threat; not only to the already tragic and scary situation of the deadly virus, but also in the dealing with their own deadly emotional demons.
Isolation and quarantine can affect the most healthy but has a double effect on the depressed and addicted. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
Those facing issues need to take advantage of modern technology to communicate with others. Various zoom meetings can still be arranged for support groups, as well as counseling appointments, but the isolation and inability to see others in person in times of doubt can play a big role for the depressed or those addicted to substances. It can create a very strong temptation to drink or fall back into a deep depression.
Contact is key but also exercise and optimism. A nice healthy jog or walk, and optimistic reads and programs are essential. Friends need to check on each other, help each other with food, medicine, or a simple call. While the truck load of new issues unloaded on people because of lockdown can cause immense financial and emotional toll, society needs to be alone together to achieve victory over the virus. Together can be achieved through facetime, calls, texts and social media.
Seeing many talk show hosts present from home shows the universal situation we all share as a society. Knowing one is not alone and that deliveries, stimulus checks, and good vibes still exist is critical to mental health. While easier said than done, we must realize this too shall pass. Restaurants, malls, and social gatherings will return. Life will return to normal. The pandemic of 1918 t 1920 infected a third of the population and killed over 50 million. This pandemic has yet to see even see 5 million. This will pass like the last plague passed 100 years ago. Society needs to continue what needs done and remain hopeful and optimistic. It is a time to overcome great hardship and grief and show history that our day also stood up its unique challenges.
In the Lord of the Rings, Frodo asks Gandalf why must he be born in such horrible times, but Gandalf assures Frodo that one cannot choose what time one is born into but instead can only handle how the time is given. We as a society have now our own time and our own struggles and what will define us is how we handle it. Whether depressed, addicted, or merely caught in the situation, we must rise to the occasion, help others and maintain an optimistic attitude as we do what needs to be done.
Please also review our Grief Counseling Program, as well as our Substance Abuse Counseling programs to become trained in helping others face grief and addiction.
