Bad memories or hauntings can be difficult while grieving. Any type of memory can bring one back to the loss. Grief Monsters are these type of memories that resurface and if not confronted or properly understood can cause big problems.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
Fandom to individuals or sports teams is a big part of American society. One forms close ties to public figures or actors or for one’s sports team. Whether football, baseball, basketball or hockey, or professional or college levels, individuals form tight bonds with their teams. They became entranced by the teams record, status, players, and play close attention to every move and play. In addition, individuals invest heavily financially in tickets, or sports clothes, pennants, or mugs. Family gatherings around sporting events become very important and the value of a particular team becomes identical to family tradition, history and local area. The team represents the person and his or her background. In many ways, it can become very personal.
Due to this type of bond that involves investment of self, the team is not merely an outside agent but part of the individual. While the person may not play the game, suffer the loss, or earn the win, the individual does mentally and emotionally share every play and outcome. This can lead to the pain of loss and grief when the team loses or suffers. It is a pain that is real because it involves the person’s life itself as well. The day or week may be greatly affected by a loss.
It is OK to experience sadness when your team loses but it has to be proportionate. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training
The degree of the loss and adjustment however determines the healthy response versus the pathological response. A healthy individual who finds great joy in sports has a greater connection than someone who sees it only as minor entertainment. The bond to the team hence will create a natural response of grief due to loss. If a team loses or is re-located, a true pain can set in that is personal. However, how one adjusts and is able to respond to life itself after the loss determines if the response is normal or pathological. If one feels low or bummed out, it is quite natural to feel this way for a couple days, but if one enters into a depressed state for weeks and is unable to interact or find interest in life, then the connection and the loss itself is pathological.
Fans can be fanatical. It is OK to have fun and it is definitely normal for the passionate fan to feel grief and sadness over loss. However, when that loss becomes so empowering that it prevents the person from enjoying life outside of sports, or prevents them from existing in the world, then one should seek counseling help and re-evaluate the bonds one has with the particular team.
Too many times, one sees violence at sporting events. This type of deep passion is associated with unhealthy bonds with the team. It involves associating the team with oneself so deeply, that anyone else becomes the enemy. Loss hence becomes extremely painful for these individuals and can negatively affect their life.
Sports is fun. It is good and for those who have deeper bonds to a team due to family history, community or identity, then one should find great pride in that, but one should not allow it to become disproportionate and cause massive depression or violent moods. One will suffer the grief of loss more than a regular outsider, if one is bonded with a team, and that is OK. The joy of having such a connection enhances the entertainment and value, but one needs to prevent such attachments from becoming pathological.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
One of the first family losses a child experiences is the loss of a grandparent. This loss has ripples throughout the family dynamic and resets many traditions.
First it is twofold. It affects not only grandchild, but the parents as well who have lost their own parent. A twofold grief that manifests itself on two generations can be difficult within a home as parents and children grieve the loss. The intensity will depend on the bonds and closeness between individuals but for many losing a grandparent is a significant loss. For some, a grandparent is like a parent. Others they are nevertheless important figures in one’s raising and development. Some play more key and active roles in their grandchildren’s daily life. This will have an affect on the person and his or her loss.
Losing a grandparent is usually a person’s first serious meeting with death. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
The death of a grandparent can occur very young or for those blessed, later in life. The time, place and details surrounding the loss can all affect the loss as well. One who loses a grandparent unexpectedly as opposed to over a long terminal illness will experience the loss differently. Classically, most will experience a loss of a grandparent due to terminal illness and be around their teen to 20s, but for those who fall outside those parameters will all experience different types of reaction to loss.
Secondary losses and exposure to grief maybe for the first time manifest. The person may have difficult process understanding loss and the shock it causes. For many, close relatives were always immune to death and dying but suddenly, the death of a grandparent can shock a grandchild into understanding the reality of death. This may come with difficulty especially since it is the first real experience with death. Life will change because of this loss. Family dinners, or holiday traditions will change. This can be difficult to process especially when this is the first experience with death and the person has to come to grips with the change in life.
Grandparent bonds can be very strong for many. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Death is very terrifying but it is part of life. Losing a grandparent reminds individuals of the reality of death for the first time in many cases. It teaches one how to grieve the loss of someone close and how grief feels throughout its many phases. It is a great pain but also a teaching moment that will later prepare one for the death of parents, spouses and close friends. Pain is part of this fallen world and it is sad that losses to those we love occur, but grandparents represent the usually the first loss in life that has real meaning.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling Training and how to help others, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
Unfortunately, many individuals and their grief are ignored, downplayed or ridiculed. Those who face such grief situations are considered disenfranchised. Individuals deserve to have every loss accepted and respected but sometimes due to the nature of the loss or type of loss, they feel embarrassed or belittled.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking to a four year certification in grief counseling
Writing and journaling is very therapeutic, especially with grief. One is able to express oneself without others present and also allows one to better understand one’s own sorrow and grief. Writing is an excellent coping tool for those grieving.
Journaling about grief can help one cope better with loss. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your goals
The article, “How to understand your grief through writing” by Beth Daly takes a closer look at how writing can help a grieving individuals. She states,
“Reading or writing about grief is not for the faint-hearted. Like all writing, it’s best not to edit too early. Let the work rest and come back to it when ready. Save that first raw draft and create a new version when you feel you’ve moved on to another, more objective stage.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
Divorce can be crippling to many. The heartbreak can devastate a person. The secondary losses of comfort and security are also immense as a person is displaced and thrown into a world of chaos. Divorce is one of the more stressful and sad events anyone can go through and it is important to know who to talk to and how to better cope during this chaotic time
The grief of divorce has many layers. Please also review AIHCPs’ Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your goals
The article, “Understanding Gray Divorce and the Grieving Process” by Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg look deeper at the pain and stress of divorce. Their article states,
“Specific to divorcing couples is the work of University of Virginia psychologist Robert Emery, who differentiates grieving an irrevocable loss like death from grieving a revocable loss like divorce, in which the possibility of reconciliation remains for the former spouses and their children. Based on his case observations and research, he developed a theory of grief in divorce that describes a cycle of grief for the divorcing couple. ”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a grief counselor.
Anger is part of the grieving process. Kubler Ross lists it after denial as a basic response to dying and loss. Anger must be channeled in a positive way though with grief. When great social losses occur due to injustice, anger can be productive in the grieving process to about bringing change
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
Losing a spouse can be very painful. The sense of the loss can vary depending on duration of relationship, state of the relationship and the bond itself. For many, losing a spouse can create a deep void of pain and create multiple secondary losses as well
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
They say the only certain things in this life are death and taxes. Death is a guarantee at the moment of birth and becomes ironically part of living itself. It plays a key role in our life span in this temporal world. Yet, it is the most feared and avoided topic despite its central importance to our life itself. Thanatology attempts to understand the nature of death and dying itself and attempts to explain the science and philosophy of death. Grief Counseling tries to help us adjust to the process of dying or the death of another. Together, they can help an individual better discuss, deal and cope with this very natural life event.
Traditionally, death has many characteristics. Lack of respiration, lack of pulse and heartbeat, zero response to stimuli, lowered body temperature, stiffness of the body and bodily bloating are all signs of death. The Harvard Criteria lists death as something that leaves the individual unresponsive to stimuli, no movement or breathing and no reflexes. Furthermore it notes that there is no longer any circulation of blood to the brain and a flat EEG exists.
What constitutes a state of death? Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Death hence has it characteristics and permanence once a certain time period of such lack of activity exists. While the fear of not being dead and buried may have existed long ago, today’s science clearly delineates the boundaries of alive and dead. Death though is more than a physical event, but is also for many a spiritual event. It is an event that leads to a new birth in spiritual beliefs and is more than just merely the end of physical activity. While spirituality and death may not have empirical evidence to support it, the belief itself is wide held throughout humanity. It can also be said, while it cannot be empirically proven, life after death, it is also said it cannot be disproven.
The dying process leads to death and is more than a physical journey but also a spiritual and emotional one for the dying as well as their loved ones. The biggest question to ask is when does dying begin? Philosophically one can say, dying begins the day we are born, but health studies require a more definitive definition that denotes a direct and acute movement towards death itself. While one may be dying, sometimes, one may not even know the event is occurring. This is why recognition of the facts is essential to officially declare one is dying. The facts need to be communicated and realized for the psychological, emotional and spiritual elements to enter into the equation. When nothing else can be done to prevent the acute event, one officially realizes they are dying and will die due to a particular thing.
The expression and communication of dying to another is something that healthcare professionals have recently been hoping to improve in regards to delivery of the news. In the past, the dreaded news has been expressed coldly and sometimes abruptly. As an event of failure to the medical world, the person was left to process the information without guidance or compassion. Today, those in Pastoral Thanatology, look to help the dying die with dignity but also understanding and compassion. Hospice prepares the dying for the ultimate end, looking to reduce pain and prepare one emotionally and spiritually for death.
Physicians and healthcare providers though can better communicate death to their patients. Sharing smaller facts and gauging responses are key, as well, and not overwhelming the dying and their family at first. Explanations and time to educate are key, despite the discomfort of such bad news. Allowing pauses and questions and time to process is key, but also respecting denial. Being there and giving the time is key. Another important element is not to stretch the truth, but to be completely honest, but in that honesty, again, find the time to listen and not mechanically leave the scene after such heartbreaking news. Many healthcare professionals are not trained in explaining death and are only trained in the mechanics of what is occurring physically, while dismissing the emotional and mental aspects of death.
Once one is faced with dying and accepts the outcome, certain questions become obvious to the dying. Certain trajectories manifest to the dying that map out their final days. The biggest are certainty and time. How long does one have and what to expect in the final months, days or hours. Some trajectories are quick, others linger, and others occur unexpectedly. These aspects can greatly change how one prepares for death.
Death comes for all. How we prepare depends on multiple factors. Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Program
Obviously each trajectory has their benefits and disadvantages. Preparation in death can allow one to put all business aside, but leaves one to the mental long anguish of knowing the end is coming. Quick deaths can reduce this anxiety but leave one with very little time to prepare financially, spiritually and emotionally.
The long mental process of accepting death was best laid out by Elisabeth Kubler Ross. Kubler Ross worked with the dying and found they responded in a five stages to death. Namely, denial, anger, sadness, bargaining and acceptance. Each phase while not always ordered, showed the emotional response of most people to the news of death itself. The news can be so terrifying that one may react in a variety of ways trying to control what one cannot control. The ultimate end is acceptance because death is guaranteed for all.
Charles Corr also pointed out the reaction to the news of death. At the epicenter is the physical reality of dying, followed by the psychological reaction, followed by the social reactions and finally the spiritual reactions. As the wave of the news spreads, the dying story encompasses all aspects of the person’s existence.
Buddhist stages of death are more spiritual. They see various stages of loss of sensation, to visions, to nothingness itself. In Christianity, death is seen as the result of sin. It is a punishment and the severing of soul and body, but it is temporary, and the body one day is restored to the soul. It is important to understand the spirituality of the individual who is dying and to help them fulfill any incomplete spiritual exercises before death. This gives comfort to the dying.
How death eventually takes the person is something very intimate and seen by family and healthcare workers. While it can be painful, it is sometimes very peaceful, as the body surrenders to death. While many may never have it, it is everyone’s hope to experience a happy and peaceful death surrounded by love. This is the most anyone can ask for as this dreaded but important part of our life occurs. One needs to be prepared and think about this event. It should not be disregarded as morbid, but seen as an important part of life. The thought of dying well is something we should all smile towards when that day comes.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling and Pastoral Thanatology, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and Pastoral Thanatology Certification. The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking four year certifications in these disciplines.
Please also review
“Death, Dying and Human Society”by David Kastenbaum
Miscarriages are unseen tragedy to many eyes. For many, it is swept under the rug never to be spoken again or told to others. For others, it may be dismissed or devalued in regards to the hierarchy of losses. Still others may suffer alone, or others may be neglected. The harsh reality though is that it is a real and scaring loss that must be acknowledged and understood.
Unfortunately, many never find the help they need to deal with this type of loss. Others are dismissed. Disenfranchisement occurs because the child was not born and never seen. Others may lessen the value of the unborn child to an infant. Downplaying is very detrimental to healing in this regard. Furthermore, others may shift the grief away and utilize various cliches. For instance, one may say to the grieving, “well you can try again”, or “better luck next time”. This type of statement devalues the loss of the child that died and the present pain of the parents.
Sometimes, as well, only the mother will receive the support. Fathers, siblings, and grandparents may be neglected in their grief of the loss. It is hence essential to acknowledge the loss and discuss with all connected to the pregnancy. Secrecy, quiet and downplaying are not the answers.
Losing a child can have numerous consequences. Following a miscarriage, the woman will undergo physical and hormonal changes, as well as psychological effects. Loss of concentration, appetite and trouble sleeping can occur. A feeling of depression and loss can follow with various emotions of sadness, anger and even guilt. Some women feel an unearned guilt that they did not do enough to prevent the miscarriage. Others may feel angry at the unfair nature of not being able to carry a pregnancy and have a child.
A miscarriage is a difficult loss in life. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Some families may suffer at different levels. A family trying to conceive and with no children may grieve differently than a family with many children. Other miscarriages may be far more painful due to the progression and time of the miscarriage. Some miscarriages can occur without the woman knowing she was even pregnant, while other miscarriages can occur well farther into the pregnancy and also require medical attention. Other times, the loss and pain may be correlated with spiritual beliefs regarding life itself.
Again, for a young teen girl, a miscarriage despite the trauma may be a relief. Although all life is beautiful, the thought of a young motherhood and the responsibilities with it incurred great fear and the miscarriage indirectly freed the young person from such things.
So, as one can see, how the loss is perceived, the surrounding details and the beliefs of the person can all play huge roles in grief factor of a miscarriage as well. In general though, those parents who are expecting, do not fall into this periphery categories and will suffer to some extent, some type of feeling of loss. For many, the potential of what could have been can haunt the parents. Mothers Day or Fathers Day can be vivid reminders of what could have occurred for those hoping to become parents.
It is important not to internalize and keep the loss a secret. Couples should discuss, and single women should find individuals they can confidently speak to. Some may require support groups or grief counseling to help process the loss itself.
For some parents, although no funeral is possible, a memory service can sometimes be performed, as well as possibly naming the child. Those from more religious backgrounds, may feel security knowing their child is in Heaven and looking down upon them. Others may merely process the loss, learn to understand the meaning of it and move forward looking to become pregnant again.
It is also important for the woman to care for herself after a miscarriage. Beyond the mental and psychological loss, a woman may need time to rest and allow her body to re-adjust to post pregnancy status.
Ultimately, it is important to realize that miscarriages are a common loss for individuals and couples for the most part receive improper care and counseling. Miscarriages are sometimes hidden and become a unresolved and disenfranchised grief. It is important to help others through the pain and loss of miscarriage. It is important to recognize the loss and give value to the loss. It is important to find meaning in the miscarriage and to understand one’s life plan and how the miscarriage falls into that plan.
If you would like to learn more about grief itself and the nature of loss, then please review The American Academy of Grief Counseling’s, Grief Counseling Certification Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
