Change is a part of loss. Any loss of something incurs the debt of change and adjustment. Aging is no different. After adolescence, midlife is a difficult time for many men and women. The loss of youth itself can play a large role in anxiety and loss. Greying hairs, loss of hair, wrinkles, gained weight, and lack of past athleticism can cause grief and sadness. In addition, reflection on missed goals, lost opportunities and failures in life can play a impactful role on how one views oneself. Still, even more so, lost of family and new family roles can terrify some individuals.
Change occurs in middle-age and how one copes means the most. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
These shocks and adjustments can lead to negative coping where individuals revert to immature behaviors, utilize drugs, avoid responsibilities, purchase lavish things or pay for expensive surgical procedures. Positive coping reflects and adjusts in a mature fashion. It may look to accomplish goals that were abandoned or re-calculate where one is in life. It may also help individuals better appreciate what one has or even reflect on the advantages of middle age over early 20s.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling
Ambiguous Grief is a loss that cannot find closure. It often involves dealing with someone in coma, possesses a mental disorder that prevents them from living a fulfilling life, or cases of abduction, missing children, missing pets, or soldiers lost at war. The person is unable to find closure in processing the type of loss. Some give up hope because holding on hurts too much, while others never surrender. Numerous emotions erupt in this type of loss. Individuals may be enraged or feel guilty.
Ambiguous grief and the pain of not knowing prevents closure. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Some look to find meaning in the loss through social activism and helping others find closure. Overall, it is a grief ripe with complications that haunts the person the rest of his or her life. It is good to allow those who wish to hold on to hope to continue within realism, while others who need to let it go, to finally let it go. Depression is very common with this type of loss so in many cases extensive counseling and support is needed.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification
Human beings are social creatures by nature. They need care and nurturing in their infancy to properly form bonds with caregivers. These bonds teach security and help bolster individuals and their social development with others they meet. Future intimate relationships and friendships are dependent upon initial bonds. Healthy and secure bonds with the primary caregiver translate to healthier social interaction in the future.
John Bowlby, famous psychoanalyst, worked extensively in the area of attachment. His attachment theory today remains a benchmark for understanding individuals who suffer various attachment disorders stemming from their infancy and early childhood.
Infants need trust and security in forming early bonds. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “What Is an Attachment Disorder?” by Amy Morin examines the various types of attachment disorders. The article discusses the origins of attachment disorders, the types, and how they manifest during childhood and later in life. Morin states,
“An attachment disorder is a condition that affects mood or behavior and makes it difficult for people to form and maintain relationships with others. These conditions usually begin in early childhood, but attachment issues may also persist into adulthood. Attachment issues are not an official diagnosis, but people use the term to refer to an insecure attachment style in adults. Adults with insecure attachment styles may express avoidance or ambivalence in relationships or behave in disorganized or inconsistent ways.”
“What Is an Attachment Disorder?”. Amy Morin. November 14th, 2022. VeryWellMind
Attachment disorders can play havoc with individual’s future relationships and how they form future bonds. It is so critical to give little children the love and nurture they need. When a child’s needs are not met, they can lose trust. Without trust, the child is becomes untrusting and unable to trust other caregivers or form other bonds. Bowlby noticed this in his observations of little babies that were cared for when they cried or were hungry as opposed to babies that were left to cry by their parents or their needs were not met. This created unhealthy bonds with the caregiver and proceeded forward. What should have been a healthy bond that is trusting and secure, the child exhibited lack of trust and various insecurities.
Clinical Attachment Disorders
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders recognizes two distinct types of attachment disorders. They both are due to lack of care and needs met at a young age and both exhibit insecurity and lack of trust but they manifest differently. The first is Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder in which the child and later the adult exhibit problems forming true and lasting relationships with others but will look to form superficial bonds that are not permanent. In children, this is displayed with a lack of shyness around strangers or other adults. In teen years, they may outwardly form relationships but they are unable to find connection with others and true meaning. This obviously can lead to many superficial issues.
Children can form avoidant or anxious type disorders when healthy bonds are not formed.
The second type of attachment disorder is Reactive Attachment Disorder. The child and later adult are unable to form new bonds with anyone. They are quiet, untrusting of caregivers, and avoidant of forming new relationships. Many are unable to form the necessary connection to have any type of meaningful relationships. They in turn will jump from relationship to relationship without having any true connection or meaning.
Characteristics of Attachment Disorders
Insecure attachment disorders form due to the lack of security that most children receive at an early age. Without the security and love, the child grows into new relationships with serious trust issues. Anxious-Insecure Attachment is the labeled term. The child exhibits with the primary caregiver a very needy and clingy relationship that pushes for and craves attention but due to the lack of emotional support leads to the numerous issues of mistrust and anxiety in adult relationships. Anxiety apart from a partner develops and a range of issues can erupt within the relationship itself. These individuals can become very possessive and clingy in a relationship.
The other spectrum involves Avoidant-Insecure. This behavior as opposed to clingy and anxious behavior looks to avoid. These types of children avoid future relationships with adults and as adults, themselves, have a difficult time ever forming permanent bonds with another person. As children they will look for others to meet needs and form superficial bonds. They will become unhealthy independent of others. In future relationships, they can elusive or afraid to commit.
There are also a variety of Disorganized-Insecure attachments where rage or emotion overtake individuals or chaotic anxiety.
The Importance of Secure Attachment
Obviously life is about relationships and social bonds. A secure attachment permits trust. In turn a healthy attachment permits one to be trusting, open, available, sensitive, responding and accepting to others. Those without form bonds that are clouded in emotional rage, distrust, anxiety and avoidance.
Unhealthy bonds carry into adulthood and Anxious-Insecure or Avoidant-Insecure disorders can manifest in men and women
In grief and loss, attachment is key. The greater the attachment, the greater the loss and adjustment. Individuals who have healthy relationships grieve the loss but with less complications due to emotional barriers that prevented the relationship from being more healthy. If a parent passes, an adult who has a attachment disorder may have conflicting emotions regarding the loss and not process the loss the same way as a person with a healthy relationship and bond. The sting of grief is still great within a normal bond and could still due to other implications become complicated, but unhealthy attachments can bring other emotional baggage. Grief Counselors who are not licensed need to recognize possible attachment disorders and refer individuals to licensed counselors who can better help them with the complications of the loss.
Helping Children with Attachment Disorders
Beyond therapy from a licensed counselor, children can benefit from consistency, schedule and establishing boundaries. It is important to discuss emotions and how one feels. The goal is to help the child feel some sort of security with guaranteed promises and actions to meet the needs that were not met before.
Conclusion
Forming secure bonds with a young infant and toddler is key to helping the child develop future healthy relationships
Individuals who due to lack of care in infancy and young childhood will experience avoidant behaviors or anxious behaviors in future relationships. They will have difficulty forming healthy bonds with others. Grieving the loss of others can also become more complicated when attachment disorders are present.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
Additional Resources
“4 Types of Attachment Disorders”. March 23, 2017. The Holy Mess. Access here
“Types of Attachment Styles and What They Mean”. Rhona Lewis. September 25th, 2022. Healthline. Access here
“What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder?”. Amy Morin. October 11th, 2021. VeryWellMind. Access here
“Attachment” Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today. Access here
If one is dealing with grief or loss it can be a difficult time to balance oneself emotionally. Adapting to loss can take a long time. Unfortunately, complications in the grieving process can occur which can lead to depression. Clinical Counselors can help individuals deal with depression however sometimes medication are required to help balance the brain during depression. Many prefer healthy coping strategies or herbal remedies.
Exercise can help against depression but it can be difficult to start when depression itself causes fatigue. However studies show exercise has an extremely positive effect against depression for those who are able to utilize it
One successful strategy is exercise. Exercise has an ability to release endorphins that elevate one’s mood and grant a higher sense of self and accomplishment. Of course the biggest problem is motivation to work out or exercise while depressed but for those who are able to find the ability to exercise, will find rewards during depression. Exercise has been shown to be more effective for individuals dealing with depression. The article, “Move Your Mind: Exercise Outperforms Medication for Depression and Anxiety” by Ben Singh, Carol Maher, and Jacinta Brinsley from University of South Australia reviews the benefits of exercise to cope with depression over various medications. The article states,
“Exercise is believed to impact mental health through multiple pathways, and with short and long-term effects. Immediately after exercise, endorphins and dopamine are released in the brain. In the short term, this helps boost mood and buffer stress. Long term, the release of neurotransmitters in response to exercise promotes changes in the brain that help with mood and cognition, decrease inflammation, and boost immune function, which all influence our brain function and mental health.”
“Move Your Mind: Exercise Outperforms Medication for Depression and Anxiety”. Ben Singh, Carol Maher, and Jacinta Brinsley. April 11th, 2023. SciTechDaily.
Holistic and Integrative Health Care Specialists look for alternative and other ways to help individuals face mental and physical issues from a more natural standpoint. Grief Counselors also look to help individuals cope with grief through support and advice. The simplicity of exercise alone can play a key role in a grief counseling plan as a well as a holistic perspective in dealing with loss and if worst depression.
A Closer Look at Grief and Exercise in Holistic and Integrative Practices
Depression is a complex mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, trauma, and environmental stressors. Symptoms of depression can include persistent feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, and difficulty concentrating.
While depression is often treated with medication and therapy, these methods may not be enough for some individuals. That’s where a holistic approach comes in. Rather than simply addressing the symptoms of depression, a holistic approach takes into account the whole person and aims to treat the root cause of the problem.
The Limitations of Traditional Treatment
Traditional treatment methods for depression can be effective, but they often only address one aspect of the problem. Medication, for example, can help alleviate symptoms of depression, but it doesn’t address the underlying causes of the condition. Similarly, therapy can be helpful in providing coping mechanisms and support, but it may not be enough to fully address the problem.
That’s why a holistic approach that considers the whole person is so important. By addressing all aspects of the problem – physical, mental, and emotional – a holistic approach can be more effective in treating depression.
What is a Holistic Approach to Depression?
A holistic approach to depression is one that takes into account the whole person – mind, body, and spirit. Rather than simply treating the symptoms of depression, a holistic approach aims to treat the root cause of the problem. This can include addressing physical health issues, such as poor nutrition or lack of exercise, as well as emotional and spiritual issues.
A holistic approach to depression may include a variety of different treatments, such as therapy, medication, and alternative therapies like acupuncture or massage. The goal is to create a comprehensive treatment plan that addresses all aspects of the problem.
The Importance of Exercise for Mental Health
Exercise has a large impact on mental health. Please also review AIHCP’s Holistic and Integrative Healthcare Specialist Certification
Exercise is a powerful tool in the fight against depression. Research has shown that regular exercise can be just as effective as medication in treating mild to moderate depression. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosters, and can help reduce stress and anxiety.
In addition, exercise can have a positive impact on self-esteem and confidence, both of which can be negatively affected by depression. By incorporating exercise into a depression treatment plan, individuals can improve their overall mental health and well-being.
How Exercise Affects the Brain and Body
Exercise has a powerful impact on both the brain and body. Physically, exercise can help improve cardiovascular health, increase muscle strength and flexibility, and improve overall physical fitness. Mentally, exercise can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and increase cognitive function.
Research has also shown that exercise can help promote the growth of new brain cells, which can help improve cognitive function and reduce the risk of cognitive decline. By incorporating regular exercise into a depression treatment plan, individuals can improve both their physical and mental health.
The Benefits of Incorporating Exercise into Your Depression Treatment Plan
Incorporating exercise into a depression treatment plan can have a number of benefits. First and foremost, exercise can help improve mood and reduce symptoms of depression. In addition, exercise can help improve overall physical health and well-being, which can have a positive impact on mental health.
Regular exercise can also help individuals develop a sense of routine and structure, which can be helpful in managing depression. Exercise can provide a sense of accomplishment and can help improve self-esteem and confidence.
Types of Exercises Recommended for Depression
There are a variety of different types of exercise that can be effective in treating depression. Aerobic exercise, such as running or cycling, can be particularly effective in reducing symptoms of depression. Yoga and other mind-body practices can also be helpful in reducing stress and anxiety.
Strength training, such as weightlifting, can help improve overall physical fitness and can have a positive impact on mental health as well. Finding an exercise routine that you enjoy and can stick to is key in incorporating exercise into a depression treatment plan.
Incorporating Other Holistic Practices into Your Routine
In addition to exercise, there are a variety of other holistic practices that can be helpful in treating depression. These can include therapy, meditation, acupuncture, massage, and more. By incorporating a variety of different practices into a depression treatment plan, individuals can address all aspects of the problem and improve overall health and well-being.
Additional Resources for Holistic Depression Treatment
If you’re interested in a more holistic approach to depression treatment, there are a variety of resources available. Talk to your doctor or mental health professional about incorporating exercise and other holistic practices into your treatment plan. You can also look for local support groups or classes that focus on holistic health and wellness.
Conclusion: Taking a Holistic, Whole-Person Approach to Depression
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program, as well as its Holistic and Integrative Healthcare Specialist Certification
Depression is a complex condition that requires a comprehensive treatment plan. While traditional treatment methods can be effective, they often only address one aspect of the problem. By incorporating exercise and other holistic practices into a depression treatment plan, individuals can address all aspects of the problem and improve overall health and well-being.
It’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to depression treatment. What works for one person may not work for another. That’s why it’s important to work with your doctor or mental health professional to develop a personalized treatment plan that addresses your unique needs and circumstances.
If you’re struggling with depression, know that there is hope. By taking a holistic, whole-person approach to treatment, you can improve your mental, physical, and emotional health and live a happier, healthier life.
Please also review AIHCP’s Holistic and Integrative Healthcare Specialist Program as well as AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals. Please review and see if the programs meet your academic and professional goals.
Additional Resources
“Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression”. February 2nd, 2021. Harvard Health Publishing. Access here
Exercise and Depression. Debra Fulghum Bruce, PhD. April 1st, 2022. WebMD. Access here
“Here’s How Science Says Exercise Helps Depression”. Cathy Lovering. May 21st, 2022. PsychCentral. Access here
“What Is the Link Between Exercise and Depression?”. Sara Lindberg. January 4th, 2021. VeryWellMind. Access here
Coping is an essential element in human response to loss, grief and stress. Even at the most simple levels of existence, coping and adaptation to change is critical to survival. Human beings cope with loss and mental stress through a variety of ways. Initially, sometimes, the way one copes may not be the best way but it initially allows the person to retreat, review and respond but many negative coping habits over a long period of time can become pathological. Grief Counselors can offer basic grief support to help individuals avoid the pitfalls of bad coping.
Healthy coping is possible when the person is able to understand the situation and react to it in adaptive way that is not maladaptive or destructive. When one responds socially or emotionally in ways that attempt to numb the pain consistently. Avoidance is one of the most common themes of negative coping. While initially it may be beneficial, overtime, the the short fix to numb oneself and avoid things that incite pain, grief, shame, guilt or any emotion associated with the loss are key signs of negative coping. Negative coping may ease the initial pain, but it does very little in healing the person over time. It becomes an obstacle to healing.
Poor coping strategies can lead individuals to avoidance behaviors of the grief itself where they either isolate or bury themselves in work
What’s Your Grief offers a very insightful article on negative coping in their article, “Grief and Negative Coping” by Eleanor Haley. The article looks at what negative coping is and various examples of the behavior in regards to work, socializing, and parenting. It also lists other ways individuals attempt to temporarily cover the pain. Haley states,
“Negative coping is like emotional aspirin. It numbs the pain temporarily, but the pain reappears once it wears off. Often these patterns of behavior end up making your stress worse because they are unhealthy and require a lot of effort to maintain. Moreover, they prevent you from effectively processing your emotions and experiences, which can lead to a prolonged sense of anxiety and emotional pain.”
“Grief and Negative Coping”. Eleanor Haley. What’s Your Grief
Haley points out three interesting ways adaptive versus maladaptive coping manifests in work, socialization and parenting. Many individuals will either relinquish responsibility or drown themselves in responsibility to avoid the pain of a loss. Haley illustrates how this occurs in work, life and parenting.
Poor coping looks for temporary numbness over facing the loss and finding healing
In working, some individuals will work long and exhausting hours, while others may not show up for work. Adaptive coping is the ability to handle the loss but still after a few days, show the ability to function within the work place. Likewise, with parenting, grieving parents may ignore their responsibilities with their children or over indulge in their life to cover the loss. Likewise, in the social sphere, one can see the same type of extremes with individuals who instead of normal engagement become a recluse in the house for weeks or turn to partying every night. All the extremes in these scenarios are examples of negative coping. In it, the individual is trying to mask the issue at hand by avoiding it through excessive work or depressive avoidance of life.
In addition, many negatively cope through the use of substance abuse. This in turn becomes a difficult endeavor to continue as one constantly seeks the numb feeling associated with the substance or drug. This can lead to greater issues with addiction and loss of relationships. Commonly, individuals who suffer may have a few days alone or have a couple drinks, but this type of abuse is far longer and in a greater scope. It is not a way to escape the initial pain to retreat and review, but is a permanent new life style that prohibits any response to the true problem and hence preventing any type of healing.
Other examples of negative coping include over-eating and food indulgences, as well as isolation, fighting, avoidance of places, people and things and any type of destructive behavior.
Instead of seeking a numbing experience, individuals need to finally respond to their grief. They need to learn to adjust to the new normal even if painful. This involves adjusting emotionally but also not allowing it to sidetrack life itself. Positive coping looks for cognitive reframing of the situation and an understanding of how the loss or stress plays a role in the overall story of life. Positive coping looks at ways to incorporate the loss into one’s life without ignoring it or harming oneself financially, emotionally or physically. It involves healthy decisions.
Some examples of healthy coping include meditation, prayer, exercise, memorializing the loss, discussing the loss with family and friends, and reframing the loss and finding its place of meaning and construction within one’s own life narrative.
Conclusion
Do you find yourself utilizing positive or negative coping strategies? Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
It is natural to wish to avoid unpleasant things. It is natural to avoid pain. Humans are wired to react negatively to pain and instead look away. When emotionally hurt, one wishes to ignore the pain and avoid it. Individuals look to numb it instead of sometimes facing the horrendous lost. While initially this is natural, hence why many individuals deny first bad news, overtime, this can become detrimental to healing. The quick fix of avoidance and bad coping may numb something temporarily but the pain will always return. Eventually, one must perform grief work and cope in a healthy way to ever find healing itself.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals and needs. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Additional Resources
“6 Coping Skills to Work Through Grief”. Hope Gillette and Sandra Silva Casabianca. July 21, 2021. PsychCentral. Access here
“How to overcome grief’s health-damaging effects”. February 15th, 2021. Harvard Health Publishing. Access here
“The Process of Coping with Grief and Loss”. Isaac P. Tourgeman Ph.D., M.S. September 1st, 2021. Psychology Today. Access here
“Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not — and 13 Tips To Get Through It”. July 27th, 2018. HealthEssentials. Cleveland Clinic. Access here
Age is a constant in life. From the moment of one’s conception, there is biological change taking place. One continues to change and age and grow physically and mentally and throughout each phase in life there are new challenges and expectations. The ability to adjust and alter with change and aging is key to a happy life but certain phases in life can come with more emotional disruption. Usually one’s teens is the first phase of large change as one leaves childhood and enters into teenage years and young adulthood. The multitude of changes both physically, mentally and emotionally are extensive as one learns how to become an adult and take on responsibility, all the while forming an identity.
Aging and change to previous held concepts of self are the triggers to a Mid Life Crisis.
Very close or even equal is mid life. Mid life change differs in that it does not look to form an identity but it actually reviews one’s identity and also the existential reality of that identity. One is faced with the notion of life and death itself. This can lead one into what is referred to as a Mid-Life Crisis.
Phases of Midlife Crisis
There are three phases to a Mid-Life Crisis. First, the trigger. Whether it is a death in the family or one’s own existential awareness, something triggers this state of alert to change. Deaths of loved ones, children moving out, new family structures or even one’s own perception of self due to change can trigger a Mid-Life Crisis. Whether this trigger causes an awakening or crisis is how one views the changes or how well they are able to adjust. The second phase is the acute crisis. During this phase, one experiences the fear, doubt, anxiety and changes that correlate with these feelings. The final phase is the conclusion, where answers or adjustments are made to correct the imbalance to the non finite loss. Like everything in change, loss and grief, one must find adjustment to the new normal. How well one can cope and accept the person in the mirror and make the necessary adjustments in a non pathological way determine the success of the transition.
Triggers for Mid-Life Crisis
Like adolescence, middle age brings multiple changes in life. For both men and women, this means potential weight gain. Wrinkling, greying and balding are also physical changes also come with steep emotional prices. Individuals begin to see themselves differently in the mirror. The avatar they have envisioned themselves as for the last Twenty years is fading. This type of loss regarding youthful appearance can vary among individuals but it is a change that eventually some need to accept.
In addition, energy levels drop affecting one’s once athletic abilities, or also sexual drives. This change in physiology can be a difficult time, as difficult it is for teens during their years of change. What can become confused in this lost of identity and begin question oneself. Confidence can drop and anxiety and depression can set in for some. For most, it is only an uncomfortable transition of acceptance, but for some, it becomes a roller coaster ride of extraordinary crisis.
With this non finite type of grief and loss, one is sought searching and longing for the past. One is in search of the symbolic Fountain of Youth. Some may attempt to fabricate change through miracle drugs, or surgical procedures to attempt to recapture that look. Others will attempt to revamp their entire robe ward . In itself, these attempts to stabilize confidence can be innocent and non harmful but when these attempts overwhelm an individual to drastic change and dangerous procedures, then one may need to seek counseling or help. One may also need to speak to grief counselors or even licensed counselors when one’s self esteem is becoming dangerously tattered from these physical changes.
Some enter into Mid Life Crisis through more mental perceptions. One may become dissatisfied with their progress in life. Unfilled happiness or goals may begin to enter into one’s mind as one realizes one is no longer in the prime of one’s youth. Lack of pursued education, relationships, travels, or dreams may all begin to haunt the individual. This can lead to aimlessness, self doubt, dissatisfaction and longing.
Grief Counseling and Support
Support and listening ears are ways individuals can navigate a Mid Life Crisis in a healthy and good way progressing forward
In response, individuals may seek to rectify some of these issues. In taking inventory of one’s life and looking and what is lacking or unfulfilled, one is not necessarily entering a crisis stage, but actually taking proactive steps to make a better life, but again, when done in haste, without plan, or financial consideration, these moves can become merely reactional and not well thought out. This may lead to a manic episode of off the wall purchases, such a dream car, or travel beyond one’s financial capabilities. Furthermore, if one is discontent with one’s relationship due to the change of time, one may be more daring to enter into an affair.
It is of no wonder then that suicide rates increase during Middle Age.
In dealing with a Mid-Life Crisis many may ask new questions about oneself. They may look where they came from and where they are going. They make take inventory of successes and failures and account new limitations and how to creatively balance them. In anything dealing with change it is crucial to have some relevance of coping ability and confidence in life. This is why it is crucial to acknowledge one’s feelings and the loss one feels. It is OK to feel uncomfortable and upset but one needs to be able to understand how is one going to react to these new challenges.
Optimistic outlooks point to the fact that life is growing and expanding and not becoming something less desirable. With each phase in life comes new advantages that someone can part take in. It is good to see optimism in one’s age and how one can make this phase of life the best it can be. Maybe through more exercise and health diets to maintain oneself better, or new hobbies or things that one has not accomplished as of yet but now financially can. It is important like any phase in life to take advantage of what each phase has to offer. If however one persists with depressive thoughts or suicidal ideas, it is important to seek counsel and help with a licensed healthcare professional. It is important to share these feelings with trusted friends and family.
Understanding change and how scary but wonderful it can be is sometimes a way to reframe it. Reframing is a key way to sometimes see the good over the bad. While one is changing physically and emotionally, this change may incur some disadvantages but they are natural changes that everyone is encountering. It is important to remain confident and secure in what one is while adjusting to the change through positive reaction or happy acceptance.
One needs an anchor in life. While accidental changes are occurring throughout, one is still oneself. One is must be anchored by that identity of self. True happiness in fleeting things will never allow one to find security and peace within. Placing happiness in eternal things over physical things is crucial. If religious, faith can play a key role in anchoring oneself. If not religious, ideals and concepts important to identity can help one find peace.
Mid Life Crisis can lead to substance abuse and other issues. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention and Grief Counseling Certifications
It ultimately comes down to the ontology of happiness. The glows that excite oneself versus the spurs that cause discomfort. What does one place one’s sense of joy and happiness in? Are they in tangible things that can be lost or destroyed or does one find a deeper happiness in family and friends. Yet these people can be lost as well, so there must be something more within oneself that anchors oneself in relation to the many blessings one has. This anchor, allows one to retain balance and security even when things of joy are taken by loss and change. The ability to have focus and a goal that can never be stolen within one’s spirit is the primary tool to cope and to move with change gracefully. For many this is faith, others it is idealogy. It is critical for one to find that anchor to prevent one from being swept with the current of the ocean.
Those who have no true anchor will drift longer during a Mid-Life Crisis. This is why it is important to have a great sense of self and values. Unchangeable values retain one’s identity and self and no matter the accidental changes of life, one remains the same at the core. Those who can adjust to aging gracefully and find youth as not a number can also adjust far better to these types of losses. Their identity remains core despite the accidental changes.
Depression or Mid-Life Crisis
When a Mid-Life Crisis is not properly navigated, or without an anchor, it can lead to depression. If individuals exhibit the physical and mental symptoms associated with depression, it is important to contact a healthcare professional or grief counselor. Others can fall victim to substance abuse and risky behaviors. Those with better support groups or individuals to talk to or share experiences with have a better chance of exiting the crisis with new insight and hope, but for those without support or an internal anchor, it is important for them to seek the counseling help they need.
Conclusion
Loss of identity is a common issue in Mid-Life Crisis. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Please also review AIHCP’s multiple counseling courses. AIHCP offers both a Grief Counseling Certification, as well as Crisis Intervention Counseling Programs. The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking training in counseling in these lay and pastoral fields. Of course licensed counselors can also become certified and utilize these skills in a clinical setting.
References and Additional Resources
“Midlife Crisis or Midlife Myth? What to Know About Going ‘Over the Hill’”. Crystal Raypole. July 8th, 2021. Healthline. Access here
“Midlife Crisis: Why We Reevaluate Our Lives at the Halfway Mark”. Amy Morin. February 23rd, 2023. VeryWellMind. Access here
“Midlife”. Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today. Access here
“Midlife Crisis: Transition or Depression?”. Kathleen Doheny. November 11th, 2009. WebMD. Access here
Mourning is the outward expression of loss and grief. In many cultures there are precise and accepted mourning rituals in how one and society expresses grief. When other societies come into contact, sometimes mourning rituals may seem odd to others. Some may be more silent while others may be very dramatic. Whichever the case, when these types of mourning and expression are restricted by others, then the grief becomes suffocated. This can cause multiple issues to the griever. In some ways this is also a type of grief bullying.
This is also the case in certain places. For instance, in hospitals, individuals look to silence or quiet the loud sobbing or crying of an individual who is given bad news. In an attempt to keep others more comfortable, the mourning becomes restricted because the behavior is not meeting the societal standards of the time and place. This is an issue with different ethnicities and races in how they grieve and how society reacts to their grieving. Minorities can face a less receptive audience when grief overtakes them than others. This relates to their grieving in school as well as work. Such reactions to suffocate the public display of grief or silence it can have negative effects on the griever.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Affairs untended to after death can lead to a multitude of problems for surviving family. Division, arguments and issues with the state can follow the death of a loved one without a will in regards to possessions and financial funds. In addition, one’s wishes after death may not be properly carried out. In addition to death itself, sometimes individuals can become unable to make decisions due to an injury. A Medical Directive or Living Will can also list one’s affairs in order and lay out important medical decisions that one would make if conscious. These directives protect the individual from others making medical choices for them in regards to medication utilizing extraordinary measures.
Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Program, as well as its Grief Counseling program. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a certification in Grief Counseling or Pastoral Care.
In the meantime, realize it is not a morbid thought to contemplate death or accidents, but an intelligent one that does not wish to ignore this important part of life. Hence actively partake in what legally must be done with one’s life and health to prevent others from doing it for oneself.
When loss is less definite but lingering in the balance, one can begin to feel like life is a fog and one is living with a ghost. This is very common with family and friends of the terminally ill. The sentence has been passed and the loss is being experienced but it has yet to occur. This type of anticipatory grief can cause confusion and create obstacles in loving the person who is still alive. Instead of appreciating what time is left, one mentally is thinking of the funeral and the tomb. This prevents the few joys that remain and the beautiful conversations that still can be shared. In addition, this can later lead to complications of the loss after it occurs, as one may feel guilt over the final days. Others may feel relief that the state of limbo is over but still feel guilty for feeling relief. Many times Grief Counselors are needed to help individuals through the crisis.
Anticipatory grief is grief before the loss. It is anticipatory in many ways. It mourns the loss and fears the loss.
Anticipatory grief happens to many individuals and while it is natural during trying and stressful times, individuals must be alert enough to understand the presence and better able to navigate. Primary caregivers, such as spouses, face caregiver burnout during this time. They are not able to mourn or feel happiness, but instead deal with a magnitude of emotions. Resentment, mental fatigue, grief, and guilt can all occur. After the actual death, many primary caregivers feel a relief. This is especially true of loved ones who no longer could communicate or barely function.
Ambiguous grief can be very similar to Anticipatory in that usually also deals with terminally ill but in most of these cases the loved one is no longer physically or mentally present. So in many ways both griefs can exist. However, there is no true way to find complete closure. This is also the case with loved ones who are lost in war or go missing. The individual is unable to find complete closure.
The article, “When There’s No Hallmark Card for Your Grief”. by Jessica Fein looks closer at ambiguous grief. As the title describes, without closure or a loss event, there are no condolence cards because the death has yet to occur but nonetheless the grieving individual is experiencing and expecting a loss at the same time. This type of confusion causes many conflicting emotions. The article states,
“Coined by therapist Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970s, ambiguous grief means mourning the loss of someone who hasn’t died but is no longer physically present or mentally present. In the former, your loved one might have gone missing in war, for example. In the latter, your loved one might be suffering from dementia or drug addiction or, as in my daughter’s case, a degenerative disease that slowly took away her ability to communicate. With ambiguous grief, there’s no closure because the grieving remains unresolved.”
“When There’s No Hallmark Card for Your Grief”. Jessica Fein. March 9th, 2023. Psychology Today.
Anticipatory as well as Ambiguous grief causes many conflicting emotions as stated. It is a place of limbo. The loss itself is has yet to occur but it has been declared. This can cause early reactions to loss or force individuals into a isolation and numb mode of existence. The individual awaits the impending death sentence. The issue at hand is the loss has yet to occur and time remains to experience love with the terminally ill person.
This can cause multiple emotions. Grief Counselors can help individuals sort out the meaning of many of these emotions.
Anticipatory Grief
In regards to relief, many find a relief for a loved one who finally passes. Seeing a loved one become more ill and less capable makes seeing the existence of the loved one more painful. In many cases, individuals hope for the end. As ironic as this is, the fear of the loss has been lessened by the pain and suffering of the loved one. This in turn can cause relief in the actual death. This relief can also be felt by those who have expended excessive energy in care of the loved one. For some the experience of this relief can be an anchor of guilt. Grief Counselors can help individuals see that this relief is natural and acceptable and that one should experience guilt.
In addition to relief, others may feel guilt based upon how they interacted with the loved one while the deceased was still alive. They may regret their isolation or lack of communication due to their ambiguous grief. They may feel like they needed to be there more for the loved one. They may also feel guilt for during those times, seeking to enjoy life itself. These types of guilt are very common with long drawn out terminal illnesses. The person after the death begins to analyze every thing he or she did or do not do. This analyzation can cause distress and complicate the loss itself. It is important to identify this type of guilt in grief counseling and dispel it.
Ambiguous Grief
Ambiguous grief has some elements of anticipatory grief in it but it also lacks closure in itself. There is no closure in the loss due to the medical condition or absence of the person
In regards to ambiguous grief, the lack of closure is decided due to the terminal illness not the individual who cares about the person. The person is mentally or physically incapable of discussion or resembling who he or she once was. This leads to a another type of limbo. In addition, ambiguous grief can also affect individuals who lose loved ones to war or those who go missing. There is no closure.
The inability to communicate to a ill loved one or say a coherent goodbye, or never to know where a loved one is who has been displaced or assumed dead at war are painful events that can impede healing and also rise to complications in the grieving process. In relation to those who are missing, there is a torturing decision between abandoning hope and accepting loss. One cannot simply dismiss the emptiness but one is tortured with doubt about what happened? Nightmares can haunt these individuals.
The viciousness of this type of grief prevents healing and closure, it permits a constant torture between hope and despair. The survivor is subjugated to perpetual suffering. Many feel the need to find hope that someone will awaken from a coma, or return home from missing. Others contribute to causes that reflect the nature of their loss. Yet, the splinter of hope that one will return always exists and this in turn leaves the grief wound constantly open.
Some experience guilt in ever experiencing happiness again after a loss of a loved one. Others feel guilty for losing hope and giving into despair. There is a definite feeling of helplessness and this contributes to the prolonged and complications of grief itself.
Conclusion
AICHP offers a certification in Grief Counseling for qualified professionals. The program is independent study and online.
Both anticipatory grief and ambiguous grief can cause complications and prolonged grief. Ambiguous grief though is far more toxic because in all cases there is no resolution or closure which leaves a permanent emptiness. Individuals can keep hope, if they need it, but ultimately the unknow and ambiguity haunts the survivor. Finding causes or promoting social awareness to issues surrounding the issue may help give purpose but the grief wound cannot heal without concrete closure. With this in mind, emotions such as guilt, helplessness and utter despair can dominate.
Anticipatory grief offers closure but closure can become more difficult due to how one handled the terminal illness prior to the death. Hence emotions of guilt and relief are very common. Anticipatory grief can exist in ambiguity as well as one awaits impending news. Relief of knowing whether one is alive or dead can equally confusing when the bad news does finally arrive.
Grief Counselors can help with the loss but in most cases a licensed counselors are needed to offer deeper form of cognitive grief therapies to help individuals cope from prolonged grief due to the complications found in both of these types of losses.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Additional Resources
Locked in grief: a qualitative study of grief among family members of missing persons in southern Sri Lanka. Amila Isuru, Padmakumara Bandumithra & S. S. Williams. BMC Psychologyvolume 9, Article number: 167 (2021). BMC Psychology. Access here
“The Pain of Grieving for a Missing Person”. María Alejandra Castro Arbeláez. December 21st, 2022. Exploring Your Mind. Access here
“Coping With Not Knowing What Happened to a Missing Loved One”. Raj Persaud, M.D. and Peter Bruggen, M.D. June 17th, 2017. Psychology Today. Access here
“What Is Anticipatory Grief?”. Cynthia Vinney. November 10th, 2021. VeryWellMind. Access here
“Anticipatory Grief: Are You Mourning Before a Loss?”. Hillary Lebow. January 7th, 2022. PsychCentral. Access here
“Grieving Before A Death: Understanding Anticipatory Grief”. Litsa Williams. What’s Your Grief. Access here
Many individuals’ grief are ignored or put to the side. When certain these types of losses do not meet society’s standards of loss then they can be swept under the rug leaving the bereaved with no resources. Some losses are considered insignificant or inappropriate. Some suffer stigma due to the type of situation surrounding the loss. The loss is hence ignored, hidden or demeaned.
Grief Counselors need to address all loss and the uniqueness each loss poses for different individuals. Some individuals may have their own subjective circumstances that enhance a loss that would not be as big an issue to others, while others may feel shame or ridicule for expressing their grief. It is critical to respect all grief and loss and allow individuals to have a platform to grieve and be accepted.
Grief Counselors can help others process disenfranchised grief. Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Examples of Disenfranchised Grief include pet loss, loss of a girlfriend or boyfriend, loss of a same sex partner, or the loss of someone due to a stigmatizing disease such as AIDs. Family whose loved one dies by the one’s own hands with suicide suffer this type of grief as well. When a loss is ignored, ridiculed, shamed or demeaned, the individual’s loss is not valued or recognized and this leads to an inability to properly express the grief and process it.
The article, “Disenfranchised Grief—Grief That Doesn’t Fit Society’s Standards and Is Not Often Acknowledged—Is Complex But Common” by Brina Patel analyzes the feelings and emotions associated with Disenfranchised Grief and why it is important to acknowledge all loss. The article states,
“Chances are you’ve experienced disenfranchised grief at some point—maybe during your last big breakup or when your childhood dog passed away. However, just because your situation doesn’t fit in with society’s mold of grief, that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be validated and processed. Skipping those all-important steps can have detrimental impacts on your mental health, and you may feel isolated and unsupported.”
“Disenfranchised Grief—Grief That Doesn’t Fit Society’s Standards and Is Not Often Acknowledged—Is Complex But Common”. Brina Patel. December 3rd, 2022. Well & Good.
Grief is a natural response to loss, but not all types of grief receive the same level of recognition and support. Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that is not socially recognized or acknowledged. It is often not openly expressed, and the person experiencing it may feel isolated, misunderstood, or invalidated. Disenfranchised grief can result from the loss of a person, relationship, or identity that is not widely acknowledged or socially sanctioned. Examples of disenfranchised grief include the loss of a pet, a miscarriage, the end of a non-traditional relationship, or the loss of a job. Grief Counselors can help those suffering from these types of losses.
What is Disenfranchised Grief and How is it Different from Other Types of Grief?
Disenfranchised grief is different from other types of grief in that it is not socially recognized or acknowledged. This means that the person experiencing disenfranchised grief may not receive the same level of support or validation as someone experiencing a more socially recognized type of grief. For example, if someone loses a spouse, they may receive sympathy cards, meals, and flowers. However, if someone experiences the loss of a non-traditional relationship, they may not receive the same level of support and may even face stigma or judgment.
Disenfranchised grief can also be different in terms of the mourning process. The person experiencing disenfranchised grief may not be able to openly mourn or express their feelings, which can prolong the grieving process and make it more difficult to heal.
Common Types of Disenfranchised Grief
There are many different types of disenfranchised grief. Some common examples include:
Pet Loss
The loss of a pet can be a significant source of grief, but it is not always recognized as such. People who lose a pet may be dismissed or belittled by others who do not understand the bond between a person and their pet.
Miscarriage
The loss of a pregnancy can be a traumatic experience, but it is often not acknowledged as such. Women who have experienced a miscarriage may feel like they are not allowed to grieve or that their loss is not as significant as other types of loss.
End of a Non-Traditional Relationship
The end of a non-traditional relationship, such as a same-sex relationship or a polyamorous relationship, can be a significant source of grief. However, people in these types of relationships may not receive the same level of support or validation as those in more traditional relationships.
Job Loss
Losing a job can be a traumatic experience, especially if the job was a significant part of a person’s identity. However, people who lose their job may not receive the same level of support or validation as those who experience other types of loss.
Signs and Symptoms of Disenfranchised Grief
Individuals suffering from disenfranchised grief feel forgotten, belittled, shamed and can intense anger
It can be difficult to identify disenfranchised grief because it is often hidden or not openly expressed. However, there are some signs and symptoms that counselors can look for. These include:
Difficulty Expressing Emotions
People experiencing disenfranchised grief may have difficulty expressing their emotions or may feel like they are not allowed to express their emotions. They may bottle up their feelings or avoid talking about their loss altogether.
Isolation
People experiencing disenfranchised grief may feel isolated or alone. They may feel like no one understands what they are going through or that they are not allowed to talk about their loss.
Guilt
People experiencing disenfranchised grief may feel guilty for grieving or for their loss. They may feel like they do not have the right to grieve or that their loss is not significant enough to deserve grief.
Anger
People experiencing disenfranchised grief may feel angry or resentful towards others who do not understand their grief or who dismiss their loss.
How to Support Someone Experiencing Disenfranchised Grief
Supporting someone experiencing disenfranchised grief requires empathy, validation, and understanding. As a Grief counselor, there are several techniques you can use to support someone experiencing disenfranchised grief.
Active Listening
Active listening is a technique that involves listening to the person without judgment and without interrupting. It involves reflecting back what the person is saying and validating their feelings. Grief Counselors can play a key role in validating the feelings of others.
Listening, being empathetic, normalizing and validating one’s disenfranchised grief can help them heal and cope with these types of losses
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of the person experiencing grief. It involves putting yourself in their shoes and imagining how you would feel in their situation.
Validation
Validation is the act of acknowledging the person’s feelings and experiences as real and important. It involves letting the person know that their grief is valid and that it is okay to feel the way they feel.
Normalizing
Normalizing is the act of letting the person know that their feelings and experiences are normal and that others have experienced similar types of grief. It involves educating the person about disenfranchised grief and letting them know that they are not alone. Greif Counselors can help those suffering these types of losses realize that all loss is legitimate.
Techniques for Addressing Disenfranchised Grief in Counseling
There are numerous therapies to help individuals face disenfranchised grief and understand their particular loss
There are several techniques that counselors can use to address disenfranchised grief in counseling. Licensed Counselors can employ these therapies
Psychoeducation
Psychoeducation involves educating the person about disenfranchised grief and helping them understand that their grief is valid and normal.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a type of therapy that focuses on changing negative thoughts and behaviors. It can be helpful for addressing feelings of guilt or anger associated with disenfranchised grief.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy
Mindfulness-based therapy is a type of therapy that focuses on being present in the moment and accepting one’s thoughts and feelings without judgment. It can be helpful for addressing feelings of isolation and loneliness associated with disenfranchised grief.
Narrative Therapy
Narrative therapy is a type of therapy that focuses on helping the person create a new narrative about the loss. It can be helpful for reframing the loss and creating a new sense of meaning and purpose
Case Studies Highlighting the Impact of Disenfranchised Grief
Case studies can be helpful for understanding the impact of disenfranchised grief. Here are a few examples:
Jane
Jane experienced the loss of a pregnancy early in her first trimester. She felt like she was not allowed to grieve because the pregnancy was not far along. However, she was devastated by the loss and struggled to move on. After seeking counseling, she was able to process her grief and find closure.
Sam
Sam lost his job after working at the same company for 20 years. He felt like he had lost a significant part of his identity and struggled to find a new sense of purpose. After seeking counseling, he was able to reframe his loss and find new opportunities for growth and development.
Maria
Maria experienced the end of a same-sex relationship. She felt like she was not allowed to grieve because the relationship was not recognized by society. She struggled with feelings of isolation and loneliness. After seeking counseling, she was able to process her grief and find a new sense of community and support.
Disenfranchised Grief and Cultural Differences
It is important to recognize that disenfranchised grief can be influenced by cultural differences. Some cultures may not recognize certain types of loss or may have different mourning rituals. As counselors, it is important to be sensitive to cultural differences and to adapt our approach accordingly.
Conclusion and Next Steps for Grief Counselors Seeking to Support Clients with Disenfranchised Grief
Grief Counselors can help individuals realize their loss is unique and special no matter what society says or dictates.
Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that is often overlooked or misunderstood. As Grief counselors, it is important to recognize the signs and symptoms of disenfranchised grief and to provide empathy, validation, and understanding to our clients. By using techniques such as active listening, empathy, and validation, we can help our clients process their grief and find closure. There are many resources available for counselors supporting clients with disenfranchised grief, and it is important to continue to educate ourselves.
AIHCP offers a Grief Counseling Certification which can help prepare individuals to help others with disenfranchised grief. The Grief Counseling Certification Program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals. Please review the program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Additional Resources
“What Is Disenfranchised Grief?”. Sanjana Gupta. April 16th, 2022. VeryWellMind. Access here
“All About Disenfranchised Grief”. Cathy Cassata. July 27th, 2021. PyschCentral. Access here
“Disen-whaaaat?? Understanding Disenfranchised Grief”. Litsa Williams. July 8th, 2013. What’s Your Grief. Access here
“Disenfranchised Grief Might Be the Hardest Kind to Process—Here’s What It Is and Why, According to Experts”. Claire Gillespie. August 5th, 2021. Health. Access here
