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Grief on the Brain

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief effects the whole entirety of the human person.  The emotional aftershocks of a loss are so emotionally devastating that the after shocks rock the brain and in turn physically rattle the body.  Individuals who lose a person they loved hence experience a total reckoning as the body looks to readjust and recalibrate to the loss itself.  When this occurs, the brain itself is rewiring itself with neuro pathways to associate with the loss and initial unprocessed and raw feelings.  These raw feelings  surge from the amygdala and trigger a variety of neurochemicals within the brain that deal with the loss and pain of someone dying.

Grief and loss have a staggering effect on the brain. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Like stress, the flight or fight response is activated which increases the heart rate, raises blood pressure and produces cortisol to deal with the stressful and painful trauma of losing someone.  This of course gives more free reign to the amygdala over the reasoning area of the pre-frontal cortex.  This is what leads to more emotional outbursts, less reason, less memory, and less concentration itself.  In reality, the brain and its entirety of parts is in some way responding to the loss itself.

The article, “How does grief affect the brain?” by Joe Phelan looks at the many issues associated with the brain’s reactions to loss and the after effects upon the human body.  The article is strongly based off Lisa Shulman, a Neurologist who studied extensively the effects of grief on the brain.  According to Shulman,

“The amygdala [the brain’s center for emotions], deep inside the primitive part of the brain, is always on the lookout for threats,” Shulman said. “When triggered, it sets off a cascade of events that put the entire body on high alert — the heart speeds up, breathing rate increases and blood circulation is increased to the muscles to prepare to fight or flee.”

“How does grief affect the brain?”. Joe Phelan. January 8th, 2023. Live Science

To read the entire article, please click here

Grief Work

Helping the brain heal is what grief work is all about.  Grief work helps re-create new neuro pathways that can associate other connections with the deceased that are not only associated with the death itself.   The brain, evolutionary, will long the absence of a loved one.  This is critical for survival, so naturally it takes time to create new neuro pathways that are beyond simply mourning and trying to find the one who is no longer present.  The yearning is a direct result of this and until adaptation manifests and new neuro pathways with new experiences are paved, then one remains in deep grief.

Rewiring one’s neuro pathways in relationship to the loss involves grief work and reconstructive narratives of one’s life

 

When Pro-Longed Grief occurs or more severe grief due to trauma, complications can occur which can keep the brain trapped in acute grief.  The unprocessed and raw emotional pain, similar to memories and sensations in PTSD, are not processed into long term memory.  This can lead to longer grieving periods until the information and memory is properly processed, stored and new neuro pathways allow for different connections with the deceased.

It is hence a sad tragedy when grief literally kills one of a broken heart.  When things are not processed, adjustments not made, the constant chronic state of fight or flight can produce extra stress on the heart and blood pressure itself.

Reworking Neuro Pathways

Meaning reconstruction is key in helping rework neuro pathways in the brain that associate the loss in a new perspective but also allow memory to properly be processed within the brain.  This helps prevent intense emotion that oscillate with more frequency and intensity in the early stages of the brain from continuing to do so many months later.  Meaning reconstruction also helps create a new narrative regarding the deceased, re-establishing a new relationship not found in the temporal world.  It also helps connect the loss with the present and future, as if chapters within a book.  The past chapters of the person’s life and the deep connection with parent or spouse are still integral parts, but those relationships are adjusted and understood in new ways of the person’s next chapters.

Ways to begin to carve out new neuro pathways include journaling and memorializing.  Through these two grief works, one is able to remember and honor.  The words on paper can help the person adjust and the new memorials can help them cherish the past but also strengthen the bond in its new form.  Grief work is tough but throughout, the brain begins to form new connections and grief leaves its acute stage and enters into a far less disruptive force.

Does this mean the loss goes away?  The sense of loss never leaves.  The connection in the brain and memories can trigger intense emotion, but these triggers are natural and not pathological as in cases of PTSD or depression.  As long as love once existed, then the loss will always have meaning and tears can emerge at a moment’s notice.  This is not bad but is the result of an emotional scar of losing someone very dear and special.  It is to many individuals a sign of their undying love and reminder of the value of the person no longer present.

Conclusion

To understand more about how grief effects the brain, please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

Grief has a profound effect on the soul, mind and body.  It takes time to adjust to it without ever truly healing. However, like all wounds, despite the scar, one heals.  Retraining the brain so one can again emotionally function is the aspect of grief work.  Adjustment is essential and new neuro pathways are key to that adjustment.  With so many false ideas about grief and myths regarding it, individuals can grasp in the chaos of loss longer than they need to.  Grief Counselors can help individuals suffering from the trauma of loss and help guide them through the difficult process.

Please also review The American Academy of Grief Counseling’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Bibliography

“How does grief affect the brain?”. Joe Phelan. January 8th, 2023. Live Science

Additional Resources

“How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal”. Berly McCoy. December 20th, 2021. NPR. Access here

“How grief rewires the brain and can affect health – and what to do about it”. Michael Merschel,  March 10th, 2021.  The American Heart Association. Access here

“What Does Grief Do to Your Brain?”. Traci Pedersen. May 6th, 2022. Psych Central.  Access here

“How Grief Changes the Brain”. Sophia Dembllng. August 18th, 2022. Psychology Today. Access here

 

 

Grief Diversity within Different Minority Groups Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

People of color, minorities, and those not traditionally of European descent face unique struggles, traumas, losses and griefs.  These diverse groups include African Americans, Native Americans, Latinos, Asian Americans and historically in the past even Irish Americans in the 1800s.  Those who failed to fit the WASP mode have a unique cultural and diverse grief experience.  While America on paper was the land of the free and equality for all, the reality fell short for many peoples.  Slavery of African Americans and genocide against Native Americans are only but a few dark moments in American history against others.  While history cannot be rewritten it can be remembered.  While patriotism and love of country is critical, it does not mean patriotism is equal to nationalism and blind eyes to sins of one’s nation.

Individuals within minority groups face unique and collective grief from the past but also experience trauma collectively and sometimes individually in the present.  Police brutality, racial profiling and racially motivated shootings all can trigger a more hyper vigilance within minority communities and individuals.  As Grief Counselors it is important to see the scars of collective grief and how it imparts on various individuals within minority communities.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Diversity Program.  The program is for certified Grief Counselors looking to enhance their grief background and add additional certifications to their resume.  The program is online and independent study and opens many to the different types of grief and loss and history faced by minority communities.

Minority Grief and Grief Diversity

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Minorities suffer a unique type of collective grief that is experienced through a shared history and shared present day struggle.  Whether African American, Latino, Asian, or Native American, minorities and cultures face unique persecutions in history that manifest within the individual consciousness.   The history and persecution of minorities in the United States is a black eye to this nation but through proper understanding and accountability, these past wrongs can be made to awaken the current generation to better future choices.

Minorities share a unique and collective grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Diversity Certification

 

Unfortunately, racism and hatred still exist towards minorities.  Police brutality and inequality re-open old wounds and create a sense of loss within minority communities that create a sense of fear,  mistrust and grief within it’s members.  Grief Counselors need to understand this unique grief and the issues these minority groups face daily.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Diversity Certification.  The program is a supplemental certification for those who are already Grief Counselor certified and looking to enhance their understanding of grief and loss within diverse minority groups.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals.

 

Please review the video below

Grief Support Vs Clinical Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief care and support is a key element in mental health.  It is not a pathological treatment but a humane way to be there for another person.  This is why it is lay and pastoral in nature within church, chaplaincy, hospice, funeral, and other pastoral settings.  Many professionals help individuals deal with basic human loss and how to come to terms with it.  AIHCP certifies many individuals to help others in this adjustment to loss and how to understand the nature of grief and loss itself.

There is a large difference between grief support and clinical grief counseling. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program

 

AIHCP’s certifications also aid others who are clinical professionals who wish to obtain a Grief Counseling Certification.  However, licensed and clinical professionals are innately able to offer more than basic lay and pastoral grief counseling but can offer clinical counseling for grief that goes off the rails.  When grief becomes pro-longer, complicated or depression exists, clinical and licensed counselors are needed to help and aid.  Those who obtain certification in grief counseling but are only lay in nature cannot offer clinical assistance in grief itself.

It is important to understand these key differences between lay and pastoral grief counseling via grief support and licensed and clinical grief counseling itself.  This is one of the most numerous questions individuals ask when becoming grief certified.  They do not understand the differences between grief support and clinical grief counseling and what a certification in grief counseling permits them to perform.  Again the answer is simple, ones certification enhances understanding in the grieving process but the level at which one helps others is determined not by the certification but the professional status of the individual seeking certification

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.

 

Please review the video below

Middle Age and Change Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Change is a part of loss.  Any loss of something incurs the debt of change and adjustment.  Aging is no different.  After adolescence, midlife is a difficult time for many men and women. The loss of youth itself can play a large role in anxiety and loss.  Greying hairs, loss of hair, wrinkles, gained weight, and lack of past athleticism can cause grief and sadness.  In addition, reflection on missed goals, lost opportunities and failures in life can play a impactful role on how one views oneself.  Still, even more so, lost of family and new family roles can terrify some individuals.

Change occurs in middle-age and how one copes means the most. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

These shocks and adjustments can lead to negative coping where individuals revert to immature behaviors, utilize drugs, avoid responsibilities, purchase lavish things or pay for expensive surgical procedures.  Positive coping reflects and adjusts in a mature fashion.  It may look to accomplish goals that were abandoned or re-calculate where one is in life.  It may also help individuals better appreciate what one has or even reflect on the advantages of middle age over early 20s.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling

 

 

Please review the video below

Ambiguous Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Ambiguous Grief is a loss that cannot find closure.  It often involves dealing with someone in coma, possesses a mental disorder that prevents them from living a fulfilling life, or cases of abduction, missing children, missing pets, or soldiers lost at war.  The person is unable to find closure in processing the type of loss.  Some give up hope because holding on hurts too much, while others never surrender.  Numerous emotions erupt in this type of loss. Individuals may be enraged or feel guilty.

Ambiguous grief and the pain of not knowing prevents closure. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Some look to find meaning in the loss through social activism and helping others find closure.  Overall, it is a grief ripe with complications that haunts the person the rest of his or her life.  It is good to allow those who wish to hold on to hope to continue within realism, while others who need to let it go, to finally let it go.  Depression is very common with this type of loss so in many cases extensive counseling and support is needed.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification

 

Please review the video below

Attachment Disorders and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Human beings are social creatures by nature.  They need care and nurturing in their infancy to properly form bonds with caregivers.  These bonds teach security and help bolster individuals and their social development with others they meet.  Future intimate relationships and friendships are dependent upon initial bonds.  Healthy and secure bonds with the primary caregiver translate to healthier social interaction in the future.

John Bowlby, famous psychoanalyst, worked extensively in the area of attachment.  His attachment theory today remains a benchmark for understanding individuals who suffer various attachment disorders stemming from their infancy and early childhood.

Infants need trust and security in forming early bonds. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

The article, “What Is an Attachment Disorder?” by Amy Morin examines the various types of attachment disorders.  The article discusses the origins of attachment disorders, the types, and how they manifest during childhood and later in life.  Morin states,

“An attachment disorder is a condition that affects mood or behavior and makes it difficult for people to form and maintain relationships with others. These conditions usually begin in early childhood, but attachment issues may also persist into adulthood.  Attachment issues are not an official diagnosis, but people use the term to refer to an insecure attachment style in adults. Adults with insecure attachment styles may express avoidance or ambivalence in relationships or behave in disorganized or inconsistent ways.”

“What Is an Attachment Disorder?”. Amy Morin. November 14th, 2022. VeryWellMind

To read the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Attachment disorders can play havoc with individual’s future relationships and how they form future bonds.  It is so critical to give little children the love and nurture they need.  When a child’s needs are not met, they can lose trust.  Without trust, the child is becomes untrusting and unable to trust other caregivers or form other bonds.  Bowlby noticed this in his observations of little babies that were cared for when they cried or were hungry as opposed to babies that were left to cry by their parents or their needs were not met.  This created unhealthy bonds with the caregiver and proceeded forward.  What should have been a healthy bond that is trusting and secure, the child exhibited lack of trust and various insecurities.

Clinical Attachment Disorders

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders recognizes two distinct types of attachment disorders.  They both are due to lack of care and needs met at a young age and both exhibit insecurity and lack of trust but they manifest differently.  The first is Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder in which the child and later the adult exhibit problems forming true and lasting relationships with others but will look to form superficial bonds that are not permanent.  In children, this is displayed with a lack of shyness around strangers or other adults.  In teen years, they may outwardly form relationships but they are unable to find connection with others and true meaning.  This obviously can lead to many superficial issues.

Children can form avoidant or anxious type disorders when healthy bonds are not formed.

 

The second type of attachment disorder is Reactive Attachment Disorder.  The child and later adult are unable to form new bonds with anyone.  They are quiet, untrusting of caregivers, and avoidant of forming new relationships.  Many are unable to form the necessary connection to have any type of meaningful relationships.  They in turn will jump from relationship to relationship without having any true connection or meaning.

Characteristics of Attachment Disorders

Insecure attachment disorders form due to the lack of security that most children receive at an early age.  Without the security and love, the child grows into new relationships with serious trust issues.  Anxious-Insecure Attachment is the labeled term.    The child exhibits with the primary caregiver a very needy and clingy relationship that pushes for and craves attention but due to the lack of emotional support leads to the numerous issues of mistrust and anxiety in adult relationships.  Anxiety apart from a partner develops and a range of issues can erupt within the relationship itself.  These individuals can become very possessive and clingy in a relationship.

The other spectrum involves Avoidant-Insecure.  This behavior as opposed to clingy and anxious behavior looks to avoid.  These types of children avoid future relationships with adults and as adults, themselves, have a difficult time ever forming permanent bonds with another person.  As children they will look for others to meet needs and form superficial bonds.  They will become unhealthy independent of others.  In future relationships, they can elusive or afraid to commit.

There are also a variety of Disorganized-Insecure attachments where rage or emotion overtake individuals or chaotic anxiety.

The Importance of Secure Attachment

Obviously life is about relationships and social bonds.  A secure attachment permits trust. In turn a healthy attachment permits one to be trusting, open, available, sensitive, responding and accepting to others.  Those without form bonds that are clouded in emotional rage, distrust, anxiety and avoidance.

Unhealthy bonds carry into adulthood and Anxious-Insecure or Avoidant-Insecure disorders can manifest in men and women

 

In grief and loss, attachment is key.  The greater the attachment, the greater the loss and adjustment.  Individuals who have healthy relationships grieve the loss but with less complications due to emotional barriers that prevented the relationship from being more healthy.  If a parent passes, an adult who has a attachment disorder may have conflicting emotions regarding the loss and not process the loss the same way as a person with a healthy relationship and bond.  The sting of grief is still great within a normal bond and could still due to other implications become complicated, but unhealthy attachments can bring other emotional baggage.  Grief Counselors who are not licensed need to recognize possible attachment disorders and refer individuals to licensed counselors who can better help them with the complications of the loss.

Helping Children with Attachment Disorders

Beyond therapy from a licensed counselor, children can benefit from consistency, schedule and establishing boundaries.  It is important to discuss emotions and how one feels.  The goal is to help the child feel some sort of security with guaranteed promises and actions to meet the needs that were not met before.

Conclusion

Forming secure bonds with a young infant and toddler is key to helping the child develop future healthy relationships

 

Individuals who due to lack of care in infancy and young childhood will experience avoidant behaviors or anxious behaviors in future relationships.  They will have difficulty forming healthy bonds with others.  Grieving the loss of others can also become more complicated when attachment disorders are present.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.

Additional Resources

“4 Types of Attachment Disorders”. March 23, 2017. The Holy Mess. Access here

“Types of Attachment Styles and What They Mean”. Rhona Lewis. September 25th, 2022. Healthline. Access here

“What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder?”. Amy Morin. October 11th, 2021. VeryWellMind. Access here

“Attachment” Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today.  Access here

Holistic Approaches with Exercise for Depression

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

If one is dealing with grief or loss it can be a difficult time to balance oneself emotionally.  Adapting to loss can take a long time.  Unfortunately, complications in the grieving process can occur which can lead to depression.  Clinical Counselors can help individuals deal with depression however sometimes medication are required to help balance the brain during depression.  Many prefer healthy coping strategies or herbal remedies.

Exercise can help against depression but it can be difficult to start when depression itself causes fatigue. However studies show exercise has an extremely positive effect against depression for those who are able to utilize it

 

One successful strategy is exercise. Exercise has an ability to release endorphins that elevate one’s mood and grant a higher sense of self and accomplishment.  Of course the biggest problem is motivation to work out or exercise while depressed but for those who are able to find the ability to exercise, will find rewards during depression.  Exercise has been shown to be more effective for individuals dealing with depression.  The article, “Move Your Mind: Exercise Outperforms Medication for Depression and Anxiety” by Ben Singh, Carol Maher,  and Jacinta Brinsley from University of South Australia reviews the benefits of exercise to cope with depression over various medications.  The article states,

“Exercise is believed to impact mental health through multiple pathways, and with short and long-term effects. Immediately after exercise, endorphins and dopamine are released in the brain. In the short term, this helps boost mood and buffer stress. Long term, the release of neurotransmitters in response to exercise promotes changes in the brain that help with mood and cognition, decrease inflammation, and boost immune function, which all influence our brain function and mental health.”

“Move Your Mind: Exercise Outperforms Medication for Depression and Anxiety”. Ben Singh, Carol Maher,  and Jacinta Brinsley. April 11th, 2023. SciTechDaily.

To review the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Holistic and Integrative Health Care Specialists look for alternative and other ways to help individuals face mental and physical issues from a more natural standpoint.  Grief Counselors also look to help individuals cope with grief through support and advice. The simplicity of exercise alone can play a key role in a grief counseling plan as a well as a holistic perspective in dealing with loss and if worst depression.

A Closer Look at Grief and Exercise in Holistic and Integrative Practices

 

Depression is a complex mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, trauma, and environmental stressors. Symptoms of depression can include persistent feelings of sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, and difficulty concentrating.

While depression is often treated with medication and therapy, these methods may not be enough for some individuals. That’s where a holistic approach comes in. Rather than simply addressing the symptoms of depression, a holistic approach takes into account the whole person and aims to treat the root cause of the problem.

The Limitations of Traditional Treatment

Traditional treatment methods for depression can be effective, but they often only address one aspect of the problem. Medication, for example, can help alleviate symptoms of depression, but it doesn’t address the underlying causes of the condition. Similarly, therapy can be helpful in providing coping mechanisms and support, but it may not be enough to fully address the problem.

That’s why a holistic approach that considers the whole person is so important. By addressing all aspects of the problem – physical, mental, and emotional – a holistic approach can be more effective in treating depression.

What is a Holistic Approach to Depression?

A holistic approach to depression is one that takes into account the whole person – mind, body, and spirit. Rather than simply treating the symptoms of depression, a holistic approach aims to treat the root cause of the problem. This can include addressing physical health issues, such as poor nutrition or lack of exercise, as well as emotional and spiritual issues.

A holistic approach to depression may include a variety of different treatments, such as therapy, medication, and alternative therapies like acupuncture or massage. The goal is to create a comprehensive treatment plan that addresses all aspects of the problem.

The Importance of Exercise for Mental Health

Exercise has a large impact on mental health. Please also review AIHCP’s Holistic and Integrative Healthcare Specialist Certification

 

Exercise is a powerful tool in the fight against depression. Research has shown that regular exercise can be just as effective as medication in treating mild to moderate depression. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosters, and can help reduce stress and anxiety.

In addition, exercise can have a positive impact on self-esteem and confidence, both of which can be negatively affected by depression. By incorporating exercise into a depression treatment plan, individuals can improve their overall mental health and well-being.

How Exercise Affects the Brain and Body

Exercise has a powerful impact on both the brain and body. Physically, exercise can help improve cardiovascular health, increase muscle strength and flexibility, and improve overall physical fitness. Mentally, exercise can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and increase cognitive function.

Research has also shown that exercise can help promote the growth of new brain cells, which can help improve cognitive function and reduce the risk of cognitive decline. By incorporating regular exercise into a depression treatment plan, individuals can improve both their physical and mental health.

The Benefits of Incorporating Exercise into Your Depression Treatment Plan

Incorporating exercise into a depression treatment plan can have a number of benefits. First and foremost, exercise can help improve mood and reduce symptoms of depression. In addition, exercise can help improve overall physical health and well-being, which can have a positive impact on mental health.

Regular exercise can also help individuals develop a sense of routine and structure, which can be helpful in managing depression. Exercise can provide a sense of accomplishment and can help improve self-esteem and confidence.

Types of Exercises Recommended for Depression

There are a variety of different types of exercise that can be effective in treating depression. Aerobic exercise, such as running or cycling, can be particularly effective in reducing symptoms of depression. Yoga and other mind-body practices can also be helpful in reducing stress and anxiety.

Strength training, such as weightlifting, can help improve overall physical fitness and can have a positive impact on mental health as well. Finding an exercise routine that you enjoy and can stick to is key in incorporating exercise into a depression treatment plan.

Incorporating Other Holistic Practices into Your Routine

In addition to exercise, there are a variety of other holistic practices that can be helpful in treating depression. These can include therapy, meditation, acupuncture, massage, and more. By incorporating a variety of different practices into a depression treatment plan, individuals can address all aspects of the problem and improve overall health and well-being.

Additional Resources for Holistic Depression Treatment

If you’re interested in a more holistic approach to depression treatment, there are a variety of resources available. Talk to your doctor or mental health professional about incorporating exercise and other holistic practices into your treatment plan. You can also look for local support groups or classes that focus on holistic health and wellness.

Conclusion: Taking a Holistic, Whole-Person Approach to Depression

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program, as well as its Holistic and Integrative Healthcare Specialist Certification

 

Depression is a complex condition that requires a comprehensive treatment plan. While traditional treatment methods can be effective, they often only address one aspect of the problem. By incorporating exercise and other holistic practices into a depression treatment plan, individuals can address all aspects of the problem and improve overall health and well-being.

It’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to depression treatment. What works for one person may not work for another. That’s why it’s important to work with your doctor or mental health professional to develop a personalized treatment plan that addresses your unique needs and circumstances.

If you’re struggling with depression, know that there is hope. By taking a holistic, whole-person approach to treatment, you can improve your mental, physical, and emotional health and live a happier, healthier life.

Please also review AIHCP’s Holistic and Integrative Healthcare Specialist Program as well as AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals.  Please review and see if the programs meet your academic and professional goals.

 

Grief Counseling and Negative Coping Over Loss

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Coping is an essential element in human response to loss, grief and stress.  Even at the most simple levels of existence, coping and adaptation to change is critical to survival.  Human beings cope with loss and mental stress through a variety of ways.  Initially, sometimes, the way one copes may not be the best way but it initially allows the person to retreat, review and respond but many negative coping habits over a long period of time can become pathological.  Grief Counselors can offer basic grief support to help individuals avoid the pitfalls of bad coping.

Healthy coping is possible when the person is able to understand the situation and react to it in adaptive way that is not maladaptive or destructive.  When one responds socially or emotionally in ways that attempt to numb the pain consistently.   Avoidance is one of the most common themes of negative coping.  While initially it may be beneficial, overtime, the the short fix to numb oneself and avoid things that incite pain, grief, shame, guilt or any emotion associated with the loss are key signs of negative coping.  Negative coping may ease the initial pain, but it does very little in healing the person over time.  It becomes an obstacle to healing.

Poor coping strategies can lead individuals to avoidance behaviors of the grief itself where they either isolate or bury themselves in work

 

What’s Your Grief offers a very insightful article on negative coping in their article, “Grief and Negative Coping” by Eleanor Haley.  The article looks at what negative coping is and various examples of the behavior in regards to work, socializing, and parenting.  It also lists other ways individuals attempt to temporarily cover the pain.  Haley states,

“Negative coping is like emotional aspirin. It numbs the pain temporarily, but the pain reappears once it wears off. Often these patterns of behavior end up making your stress worse because they are unhealthy and require a lot of effort to maintain. Moreover, they prevent you from effectively processing your emotions and experiences, which can lead to a prolonged sense of anxiety and emotional pain.”

“Grief and Negative Coping”. Eleanor Haley.  What’s Your Grief

To read the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Haley points out three interesting ways adaptive versus maladaptive coping manifests in work, socialization and parenting.  Many individuals will either relinquish responsibility or drown themselves in responsibility to avoid the pain of a loss.   Haley illustrates how this occurs in work, life and parenting.

Poor coping looks for temporary numbness over facing the loss and finding healing

 

In working, some individuals will work long and exhausting hours, while others may not show up for work.  Adaptive coping is the ability to handle the loss but still after a few days, show the ability to function within the work place.  Likewise, with parenting, grieving parents may ignore their responsibilities with their children or over indulge in their life to cover the loss.  Likewise, in the social sphere,  one can see the same type of extremes with individuals who instead of normal engagement become a recluse in the house for weeks or turn to partying every night.  All the extremes in these scenarios are examples of negative coping.  In it, the individual is trying to mask the issue at hand by avoiding it through excessive work or depressive avoidance of life.

In addition, many negatively cope through the use of substance abuse.  This in turn becomes a difficult endeavor to continue as one constantly seeks the numb feeling associated with the substance or drug.  This can lead to greater issues with addiction and loss of relationships.   Commonly, individuals who suffer may have a few days alone or have a couple drinks, but this type of abuse is far longer and in a greater scope.  It is not a way to escape the initial pain to retreat and review, but is a permanent new life style that prohibits any response to the true problem and hence preventing any type of healing.

Other examples of negative coping include over-eating and food indulgences, as well as isolation, fighting, avoidance of places, people and things and any type of destructive behavior.

Instead of seeking a numbing experience, individuals need to finally respond to their grief.  They need to learn to adjust to the new normal even if painful.  This involves adjusting emotionally but also not allowing it to sidetrack life itself.  Positive coping looks for cognitive reframing of the situation and an understanding of how the loss or stress plays a role in the overall story of life.  Positive coping looks at ways to incorporate the loss into one’s life without ignoring it or harming oneself financially, emotionally or physically.  It involves healthy decisions.

Some examples of healthy coping include meditation, prayer, exercise, memorializing the loss, discussing the loss with family and friends, and reframing the loss and finding its place of meaning and construction within one’s own life narrative.

Conclusion

Do you find yourself utilizing positive or negative coping strategies? Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

It is natural to wish to avoid unpleasant things.  It is natural to avoid pain.  Humans are wired to react negatively to pain and instead look away.  When emotionally hurt, one wishes to ignore the pain and avoid it.  Individuals look to numb it instead of sometimes facing the horrendous lost.   While initially this is natural, hence why many individuals deny first bad news, overtime, this can become detrimental to healing.  The quick fix of avoidance and bad coping may numb something temporarily but the pain will always return.  Eventually, one must perform grief work and cope in a healthy way to ever find healing itself.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals and needs.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Additional Resources

“6 Coping Skills to Work Through Grief”. Hope Gillette and Sandra Silva Casabianca.  July 21, 2021. PsychCentral.  Access here

“How to overcome grief’s health-damaging effects”. February 15th, 2021. Harvard Health Publishing. Access here

“The Process of Coping with Grief and Loss”. Isaac P. Tourgeman Ph.D., M.S. September 1st, 2021. Psychology Today. Access here

“Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not — and 13 Tips To Get Through It”. July 27th, 2018.  HealthEssentials. Cleveland Clinic.  Access here

The Grief of Mid-Life Crisis

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Age is a constant in life.  From the moment of one’s conception, there is biological change taking place.  One continues to change and age and grow physically and mentally and throughout each phase in life there are new challenges and expectations.  The ability to adjust and alter with change and aging is key to a happy life but certain phases in life can come with more emotional disruption.  Usually one’s teens is the first phase of large change as one leaves childhood and enters into teenage years and young adulthood.  The multitude of changes both physically, mentally and emotionally are extensive as one learns how to become an adult and take on responsibility, all the while forming an identity.

Aging and change to previous held concepts of self are the triggers to a Mid Life Crisis.

 

Very close or even equal is mid life.  Mid life change differs in that it does not look to form an identity but it actually reviews one’s identity and also the existential reality of that identity.  One is faced with the notion of life and death itself.  This can lead one into what is referred to as a Mid-Life Crisis.

Phases of Midlife Crisis

There are three phases to a Mid-Life Crisis.  First, the trigger.  Whether it is a death in the family or one’s own existential awareness, something triggers this state of alert to change.  Deaths of loved ones, children moving out, new family structures or even one’s own perception of self due to change can trigger a Mid-Life Crisis.  Whether this trigger causes an awakening or crisis is how one views the changes or how well they are able to adjust.  The second phase is the acute crisis.  During this phase, one experiences the fear, doubt, anxiety and changes that correlate with these feelings.  The final phase is the conclusion, where answers or adjustments are made to correct the imbalance to the non finite loss.  Like everything in change, loss and grief, one must find adjustment to the new normal.  How well one can cope and accept the person in the mirror and make the necessary adjustments in a non pathological way determine the success of the transition.

Triggers for Mid-Life Crisis

Like adolescence, middle age brings multiple changes in life.  For both men and women, this means potential weight gain.  Wrinkling, greying and balding are also physical changes also come with steep emotional prices.  Individuals begin to see themselves differently in the mirror.  The avatar they have envisioned themselves as for the last Twenty years is fading.  This type of loss regarding  youthful appearance can vary among individuals but it is a change that eventually some need to accept.

In addition, energy levels drop affecting one’s once athletic abilities, or also sexual drives.  This change in physiology can be a difficult time, as difficult it is for teens during their years of change.  What can become confused in this lost of identity and begin question oneself.  Confidence can drop and anxiety and depression can set in for some.  For most, it is only an uncomfortable transition of acceptance, but for some, it becomes a roller coaster ride of extraordinary crisis.

With this non finite type of grief and loss, one is sought searching and longing for the past.  One is in search of the symbolic Fountain of Youth.  Some may attempt to fabricate change through miracle drugs, or surgical procedures to attempt to recapture that look.  Others will attempt to revamp their entire robe ward .  In itself, these attempts to stabilize confidence can be innocent and non harmful but when these attempts overwhelm an individual to drastic change and dangerous procedures, then one may need to seek counseling or help.  One may also need to speak to grief counselors or even licensed counselors when one’s self esteem is becoming dangerously tattered from these physical changes.

Some enter into Mid Life Crisis through more mental perceptions.  One may become dissatisfied with their progress in life.   Unfilled happiness or goals may begin to enter into one’s mind as one realizes one is no longer in the prime of one’s youth.  Lack of pursued education, relationships, travels, or dreams may all begin to haunt the individual. This can lead to aimlessness, self doubt, dissatisfaction and longing.

Grief Counseling and Support

Support and listening ears are ways individuals can navigate a Mid Life Crisis in a healthy and good way progressing forward

 

In response, individuals may seek to rectify some of these issues.  In taking inventory of one’s life and looking and what is lacking or unfulfilled, one is not necessarily entering a crisis stage, but actually taking proactive steps to make a better life, but again, when done in haste, without plan, or financial consideration, these moves can become merely reactional and not well thought out.  This may lead to a manic episode of off the wall purchases, such a dream car, or travel beyond one’s financial capabilities.  Furthermore, if one is discontent with one’s relationship due to the change of time, one may be more daring to enter into an affair.

It is of no wonder then that suicide rates increase during Middle Age.

In dealing with a Mid-Life Crisis many may ask new questions about oneself.  They may look where they came from and where they are going.  They make take inventory of successes and failures and account new limitations and how to creatively balance them.  In anything dealing with change it is crucial to have some relevance of coping ability and confidence in life.  This is why it is crucial to acknowledge one’s feelings and the loss one feels.  It is OK to feel uncomfortable and upset but one needs to be able to understand how is one going to react to these new challenges.

Optimistic outlooks point to the fact that life is growing and expanding and not becoming something less desirable.  With each phase in life comes new advantages that someone can part take in.  It is good to see optimism in one’s age and how one can make this phase of life the best it can be.  Maybe through more exercise and health diets to maintain oneself better, or new hobbies or things that one has not accomplished as of yet but now financially can.  It is important like any phase in life to take advantage of what each phase has to offer. If however one persists with depressive thoughts or suicidal ideas, it is important to seek counsel and help with a licensed healthcare professional.  It is important to share these feelings with trusted friends and family.

Understanding change and how scary but wonderful it can be is sometimes a way to reframe it.  Reframing is a key way to sometimes see the good over the bad.  While one is changing physically and emotionally, this change may incur some disadvantages but they are natural changes that everyone is encountering.  It is important to remain confident and secure in what one is while adjusting to the change through positive reaction or happy acceptance.

One needs an anchor in life.  While accidental changes are occurring throughout, one is still oneself.  One is must be anchored by that identity of self.  True happiness in fleeting things will never allow one to find security and peace within.  Placing happiness in eternal things over physical things is crucial.  If religious, faith can play a key role in anchoring oneself.  If not religious, ideals and concepts important to identity can help one find peace.

Mid Life Crisis can lead to substance abuse and other issues. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention and Grief Counseling Certifications

 

It ultimately comes down to the ontology of happiness.  The glows that excite oneself versus the spurs that cause discomfort.  What does one place one’s sense of joy and happiness in?  Are they in tangible things that can be lost or destroyed or does one find a deeper happiness in family and friends.  Yet these people can be lost as well, so there must be something more within oneself that anchors oneself in relation to the many blessings one has.  This anchor, allows one to retain balance and security even when things of joy are taken by loss and change.  The ability to have focus and a goal that can never be stolen within one’s spirit is the primary tool to cope and to move with change gracefully.  For many this is faith, others it is idealogy.   It is critical for one to find that anchor to prevent one from being swept with the current of the ocean.

Those who have no true anchor will drift longer during a Mid-Life Crisis.  This is why it is important to have a great sense of self and values.  Unchangeable values retain one’s identity and self and no matter the accidental changes of life, one remains the same at the core.  Those who can adjust to aging gracefully and find youth as not a number can also adjust far better to these types of losses.  Their identity remains core despite the accidental changes.

Depression or Mid-Life Crisis

When a Mid-Life Crisis is not properly navigated, or without an anchor, it can lead to depression.  If individuals exhibit the physical and mental symptoms associated with depression, it is important to contact a healthcare professional or grief counselor. Others can fall victim to substance abuse and risky behaviors.    Those with better support groups or individuals to talk to or share experiences with have a better chance of exiting the crisis with new insight and hope, but for those without support or an internal anchor, it is important for them to seek the counseling help they need.

 

Conclusion

Loss of identity is a common issue in Mid-Life Crisis. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Please also review AIHCP’s multiple counseling courses.  AIHCP offers both a Grief Counseling Certification, as well as Crisis Intervention Counseling Programs.  The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking training in counseling in these lay and pastoral fields.  Of course licensed counselors can also become certified and utilize these skills in a clinical setting.

References and Additional Resources

“Midlife Crisis or Midlife Myth? What to Know About Going ‘Over the Hill’”. Crystal Raypole. July 8th, 2021. Healthline. Access here

“Midlife Crisis: Why We Reevaluate Our Lives at the Halfway Mark”. Amy Morin. February 23rd, 2023. VeryWellMind. Access here

“Midlife”. Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today. Access here

“Midlife Crisis: Transition or Depression?”. Kathleen Doheny. November 11th, 2009. WebMD. Access here