When it comes to coping with grief there is not a one size fits all order. Many individuals cope differently due to the variety of different losses as well as differences within a person’s spiritual, mental, physical, social and emotional makeup. Still, eventually one can find something that works best for them. Different coping strategies exist and eventually something should work best.
What ways do you cope with grief? Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program
The article, “Dealing With Grief: 7 Coping Strategies, According to Experts” by Madeleine Burry lists 7 different ways one cope with a loss or at least help one through the grieving process. She states,
“You may not think about them this way, but you already use coping strategies in your day-to-day life—such as that extra-hard workout to relieve stress after a tough work deadline, or the phone call you make to a friend when your child is acting up and driving you crazy.”
Whatever coping methods work best for you, it is important to realize that grief is not a process that ends but is an ongoing process of living itself. Learning to live with grief is part of life and coping does not make it go away but only makes it easier to insert into one’s life.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
Loss is something we live with all our lives. We do not escape it. Even when we adjust and think we are OK, feelings and emotions can return. Since grief is tied to love, then this makes total sense that one would never completely recover from loss and grief. Grief remains in our life as a reminder of our love.
What is a grief monster in your life? Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The term grief monsters has been used frequently to describe these jabs and stings of grief that come to one. The thoughts to reflect on the loss, or the stringing reminder of a loss due to a scent, scene or place, can all inflict old memories and emotions tied to them. Holidays, empty seats and songs can also remind us. How we deal and cope with these grief monsters is important. We cannot run from them or see them as something naturally evil, but something that will be with us our whole lives
The article, “Five Tips for Living With a Grief Monster” from “What’s Your Grief” by Eleanor Haley takes a closer look at living with grief monsters. She states,
“Grief monsters come from the loss, but don’t mistake them for the loss itself. They didn’t cause the hole left in your life, and they don’t relish in your pain. They’re simply what happens when the chaotic jumble of thoughts, emotions, and memories about the past, present, and future come together. ”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Anger plays a pivotal role in the grief process. Kubler Ross places it as the second step in the grief process after denial. Of course, steps and phases are not science, many experience anger first as well, or even later, but anger definitely plays a role in the process. For some, this emotion is more present in a loss depending on one’s own particular emotional makeup or the facts surrounding the particular loss. Someone who may lose a person to a drinking and driving accident may experience more anger than one who loses someone to natural causes. Others who are naturally more angry with life may lash out regardless. Hence the amount and degree of anger in the grief process varies.
Anger nonetheless if felt is an important emotional release. If one feels angry over a loss, it is important to express that anger in a conducive and healthy way. If one lets anger remain dormant and does not express it, then the grief process itself can stalled. Grief Counselors should encourage all emotional expression to be exhibited in a safe and constructive way.
Anger is a natural part of grief. Grief Counselors should allow the bereaved to express it. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program, as well as its Anger Management Program
Here are some things to consider regarding the circumstances of anger during the grief cycle. First, anger over injustice is very common. If the loss was due to drunk driving, a malpractice case, a crime, a foreign attack, or a preventable accident, then anger usually expresses itself early. Later the anger is turned into social reform or the seeking of justice. In the recent deaths of George Floyd, we see constructive anger over the death of Floyd put to societal change and police reform. Second, anger over personal difficult relationships occur. A death can result in anger if the person deceased was not always the best person. An abusive spouse, or a conflicting individual can leave someone with guilt and anger. Some cases of anger are completely due to the person being felt left behind or alone. A struggling widow may have resentment to a husband who did not take his health seriously. Or in some cases, individuals may have resentment in how the person died. Family members who have to deal with the fallout of a suicide victim, may feel resentment and anger as well.
In all these cases, it is important that anger is expressed properly and allowed to surface. Anger itself is can damaging to someone who allows it to ferment within the soul. It can lead to future issues and poor health. Hence it is important for counselors to help it come out in individuals. After the anger is released, individuals can then discover why they are angry and dismiss potential guilt issues or surrounding beliefs about the death of the individual.
Grief Counselors should also be aware that those in intense grief and experiencing anger lash out at others. They displace their grief. Displaced grief and anger is very common. Those angry may lash out at a variety of things or persons. In most instances, the person closest receive the emotional rage, but in other moments, counselors and friends may also experience the anger. In some cases, God is a scapegoat for anger. Those in intense grief can blame God for a loss and even begin to question their own faith and world views.
It is not uncommon for existential crisis and questioning of world views to occur for those suffering intense grief. Meaning of life is questioned and anger at authority is common. Those of faith usually rebound but the initial anger is part of their process of comprehending and experiencing the grief. Grief Counselors in these cases do not enter into a logical or philosophical debate about their faith but instead patiently listen and allow the bereaved to express their anger at their faith, God, or world view. After the person is able to better comprehend the true essence of his or her anger is one able to regain rationality. Yet, still, this process is critical for many in the grief process.
Grief Counselors should never take personal attacks to heart. Instead they need to understand in their training the nature of displacement and how an individual sometimes utilizes anger in their pain. Friends and family should also be patient with those who lash out in intense grief and not take emotional words personally. Patients and love are key for the bereaved. After emotion is permitted to display itself, then true healing and understanding can begin to occur, but the time has to be on the bereaved terms.
Grief requires expression. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals
Anger hence is an important part of the grieving process. It may be unpleasant but it has purpose towards healing. It brings one ultimately to rationality and allows counselors to see the pain that may be preventing healing. In many cases, anger is also healthy for social reform.
The American Academy of Grief Counseling offers a certification in Grief Counseling. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling. If interested, please review the Grief Counseling Certification program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. Also, please review AIHCP’s Anger Management Consulting Program. The program is based on similar grounds and is also open to qualified professionals.
Other resources
AIHCP’s video on Anger Management, please click here”
Grief and Sympathy article, “Anger Stage of Grief-It is Normal-How to Move on”, please click here
How one copes is key to loss adaptation. Resiliency depends on coping strategies and the ability to incorporate them. This is far from easy and one must still walk the path of grief but proper coping can help one stay on the path and avoid potential complications within the grieving process.
How well do you cope with grief? Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your professional goals
The article, “Dealing With Grief: 7 Coping Strategies, According to Experts” from Madeleine Burry of Healthline looks at 7 strategies that one can employ during grief and loss. She states,
“You may not think about them this way, but you already use coping strategies in your day-to-day life—such as that extra-hard workout to relieve stress after a tough work deadline, or the phone call you make to a friend when your child is acting up and driving you crazy. So when you’re grieving, experts advise that you lean on coping strategies too; they’ll help you weather the storm of emotional distress and physical symptoms associated with grief.”
How well one copes will greatly benefit one throughout life in any setting. Grief is no exception
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a grief counselor.
Dealing and coping with grief can be difficult. Too many, loss is new and too others it remains as complex and painful as the first time. Certified Grief Counselors can help individuals cope with basic grief and learn how to navigate the tricky waters. There are no shortcuts but accepting loss and learning to adjust through the loss. Grief and loss are forever because the loss is tied to love but that does not mean one cannot learn to better cope with their emotions and find happiness in other aspects of life.
Learning how to cope with grief can be difficult for some. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Dealing With Grief: 7 Coping Strategies, According to Experts” by Madeleine Burry looks at some coping strategies with grief. She states,
“While coping mechanisms are helpful, they’re not one size fits all. “Coping strategies work best when personalized,” Manly adds. “For example, some people do very well sharing in grief groups, whereas others prefer sharing one-on-one with a close friend or therapist,” she notes. Some people want to talk about a loved one who passed away, while others get upset by this and would prefer not to.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
Losing a parent is an impactful life event. It forever changes life and is a before/after moment. Things are never the same and one has to rediscover their life and purpose. Many struggle being parentless and find themselves loss. Others face secondary losses due to the help and aid they received from their parents. No matter what age, the loss of a parent is a stinging event in life that is probably only surpassed in pain by losing a child.
No loss is the same. Some parent relationships are poor. The loss is not as impactful from an emotional standpoint. Other losses are very intense due to a healthy relationship. While other losses differ depending on the age of the child when the parent was lost. No one box fits all when it comes to parental loss. Below are a few things to consider.
The loss of a parent can be an existential impact on one’s life.
If the relationship is estranged then complications can arise. Guilt, resentment and other forms of emotions can emerge after the parent’s death. One may feel guilty they need repair the relationship while others may resent the parent for not being there for them. Regardless, losing a parent will impact one’s own very definition of existence.
In regards to age, there are a variety of different responses. All share in common traits of missing the parent for particular events. Even those who never knew their parents, lament the fact that their parents may not be at a particular event, especially when friends have their parents present.
Infants are very young children never know their parents. They may have faded memories but they only know their parents from pictures, videos and stories. The symbolic loss is always present and in some cases complicated living arrangements arise with the child being in foster care, raised by other family members or being raised in a blended family. Adjustment is easier since the child never knew life before but as the child ages, the symbolic lost and the urge to have met them at least once is forever present.
As for older children and teens, the lost has a far greater impact because it changes their life. New living arrangements, missed present events as well as future events are a constant reminder of the loss. Mother’s Day or Father’s Day remind them of the loss as well. In addition, teens and children may have guilt and resentment issues as well as possibly magical thinking issues where they think they are to blame for the parent’s death.
Young adults face their own issues as well. Young adults deal with the reality that they are without their parent or parents for the first time. They were nurtured by their parents through their formative years but now they may feel orphaned or abandoned. Financial difficulties can arise as well as support they once possessed. Events such as a future wedding, or the birth of a first child can serve as reminders of their absence.
Older adults also suffer. Even though the lost is natural event they still feel a sharp of pain of losing a mother or father. Comments that belittle the loss such as at least you had your parents your whole life can be dismissive to the actual pain they are feeling over the loss. Furthermore, many be feel relieved after a long terminal illness. Caregiver burnout may make them feel guilty about the release from the stress of daily care.
Losing a parent at any age has its own shocks. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Regardless, the loss of a parent is a impactful event. Different situations regarding age and the health of the relationship can create different secondary losses and reactions but when someone loses a parent, a piece of them dies with that parent. It forever changes them and their outlook on life. Holidays are never the same and the pain never truly goes away.
Grief Counselors can help individuals with the loss of a parent by guiding them through the grieving process. While each case is different, it is important to understand that parents are not always with us and we must learn to remember and celebrate their life. However, in the meantime, it is important for those blessed enough to have their parents to appreciate them everyday and respect them. To shower them with love and gratitude and realize that not any day is a given.
It is also critical for individuals to discuss death with parents. Death discussions are considered by taboo by many and the discussions of later care or funeral wishes are never conveyed. Many meaningful discussions that never would have taken place occur when such topics are broached. It is important to discuss these issues because once a parent is gone, no one will know their secret wishes or desires for a funeral. It is important to make time valuable and not take anything for granted.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification or would like to become a certified Grief Counselor then please review the program and see if it meets your academic and professional needs. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Men who tend more towards their logical side of the brain unfortunately dismiss the emotional side of the brain. Social stereotypes do not help either as men are portrayed as stoic and powerful. Tears were once seen as weakness and this ideal that a man hides his emotions or keeps them within himself spread. These issues still persist today and many men avoid caring for their mental health.
Men need to express themselves and take their mental health more seriously. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Too many men ignore their depression, phobias, other mental health issues” by Joseph Harper looks at why many men ignore their emotions and why they should not. He states,
“Too many men think they are supposed to be strong or macho all the time — even when in pain. For many, it would be unimaginable, intolerable for anyone to know they were battling anxiety, depression, or were bogged down by their emotions. Many of my male patients also seem to believe that because they are not physically ill they are not truly sick.”
It is important for men to take their mental health as serious as their physical health. They need to acknowledge anxiety, anger or grief. They need to seek help when needed.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The Grief Counseling Training is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Loss is part of life. Everyone experiences loss eventually but unfortunately those who have yet to experience a significant loss sometimes are the least to understand it. They may be well intentioned but they create greater havoc in inept words or actions. They actually cause more damage by their words.
Grief and loss will eventually find them and only then will they truly understand the folly of what they thought. Even those trained in Grief Counseling who never experienced serious loss, cannot truly fathom the feelings of loss and despair. Even they, sometimes need grief counselors and peer groups.
Grief Counselors are trained to help the bereaved deal and cope with grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
It is hence very important to treat the grieving with a great respect. It involves acknowledging their grief and in some cases, sojourning with the individual. No trick or fancy phrase can cure their grief, but time, patience and a helping hand can help make the load less. Grief Counselors should not look to cure grief because it cannot be cured. Only the restoration of the loss can cure grief. It is because of this reality that Grief Counseling is more about helping one understand loss, identify the issues of a specific loss and learn to cope with that loss, while helping the person integrate the loss into one’s life. Loss is not removed from life but it is better understood and placed in one’s life.
This may not be what many wish to hear about grief. Maybe some hope the pain will go away or they will forget, but love and beauty that is lost can never be forgotten. Love continues in grief when the beloved is no longer present. This is a true reality of the fallen world and the mentality one must have if they wish to help those in grief.
Below are a few tips for those in Grief Counseling. A few “dos” and “do nots” in aiding someone who is going through a loss.
If helping someone after a loss, it is best to listen and be there, not necessarily say the “right” thing. In fact, there probably is not a right thing that can said but only avoiding the wrong thing to say.
Many phrases can cause more damage. Here are a few statements to avoid and why.
The statement, “I know what you are going through”. This statement belittles the current grief and begs the question, do you really know what someone else is feeling? Grief while universal is also unique. The grief situation is not about you but the person in grief. So while shared discussions can help, it is not the initial conversation that should be utilized but something when the person is less emotional and more open to discussions about the loss. Later it may be best to share an experience but never to assume you know what someone is feeling.
Another statement of error is any statement that starts with the words “At least”. This minimizes loss. Some good intentioned individuals may say well “at least your father lived a long life”. Does this truly settle the problem of the loss itself? One’s father is now dead. The loss is real whether the father lived a long life or not. Instead, it is best to acknowledge the loss and offer condolences.
Good intention statements can cause more problems than good on many occasions. Another example includes religion. Some may say, “Well its was her time” or “God wanted his angel” or “she is in a better place”. To the griever, no time is good to lose a loved one. It can also produce an anger against God for taking one’s loved one.
Some statements are not good intentioned at all and can be nasty. Statements as “It is not a big deal” or “you are overreacting it was just a cat” can all cause immense harm to the griever. Downplaying one’s grief does not help one overcome it but only inflames the pain. Again, acknowledgement of the grief at any level is key to helping the person express it.
Another classic statement is “you are strong, you will get over it”. This equates strength with not expressing or feeling pain and can be detrimental to one facing the grief. Statements that tell individuals they “need to be strong now” do not help them overcome grief. Instead, it forces them to hide the grief and put on a false mask that does not seek help.
Statements that acknowledge grief and the feelings are the most important. Statements that produce condolences and heartfelt cries are the most critical. Sometimes, no statement is needed but a long loving hug to a friend at a funeral. In other ways, actions are better than words. Cards, flowers, sending dinner, or helping with house work can play a big role. Taking time to just sit and listen to the bereaved is sometimes the best thing anyone can do for a friend.
Individuals are either terrified of death, avoid it at all costs, and have never experienced it. They have no way or understanding how to approach it especially when confronted with it when a family member or friend experiences it. This can lead to many awkward situations that cause more hurt than help.
Helping others without asking is sometimes the best. Simply by being there and listening can be the biggest difference in helping someone through grief instead of trying to say the perfect thing.
If you would like to learn more in how to the help the bereaved, please review the American Academy of Grief Counseling’s Grief Counseling Certification. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.
Other resources include
“Whats Your Grief” blog article, “What to Say to Someone Whose Father or Mother Died” – Please click here
AIHCP’s Video,”Helping Those in Grief” Please click here
“Whats Your Grief” blog article, “What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving” Please click here
“Help Guides” article, “Helping Someone Who’s Grieving” Please click here
Tonkin’s display of grief is more accurate in describing how grief does not shrink, but we grow and our life learns to grow around it. Grief does not get smaller or shrink, but remains the same size but it can become less of an impact as we adjust in our life.
Grief does not shrink but we do grow. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article from What’s Your Grief, “Growing Around Grief” illustrates these concepts with various diagrams. The article states,
“The grief and loss never felt smaller, but her life slowly felt bigger. It grew around her loss. Her grief was always there, as large as ever, and she still spent time within it. As her life had slowly expanded around her loss, she was now able to experience life in the larger part of the circle as well. With this, the ‘Growth Around Grief’ concept was born.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
In the meantime, we should all understand that grief and loss do not become less because our love cannot become less but we do learn to grow around our grief and the sharp impact becomes less as we grow and adjust.
Sometimes individuals may not be aware they are suffering from depression. The fog and fatigue do not compute internally that they are depressed. This is because most associate depression with cause and effect. If nothing bad has happened, how can I be depressed? The reality is depression is sometimes chemical and one can become stricken with it without a cause. Individuals can help others better face hidden depression by being aware of the behaviors displayed.
Depression some times can be hidden from those who care most. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “How to Recognize and Help Someone with Hidden Depression” from Healthline looks closer at symptoms of hidden depression. The article states,
“Depression isn’t always obvious. In fact, some people go to great lengths to hide the symptoms of depression from the people around them — concealing the problem so well that they themselves may scarcely recognize it. This is why hidden depression is sometimes called smiling” depression. Someone with hidden depression may seem content, happy, and productive. Their work life and relationships, from all outward appearances, seem fine.”
Individuals for multiple reasons also look to hide their depression. Introverts especially do not like to share emotions and will try to hide symptoms.
To learn more or to become certified in Grief Counseling, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor
