Losing a parent is an impactful life event. It forever changes life and is a before/after moment. Things are never the same and one has to rediscover their life and purpose. Many struggle being parentless and find themselves loss. Others face secondary losses due to the help and aid they received from their parents. No matter what age, the loss of a parent is a stinging event in life that is probably only surpassed in pain by losing a child.
No loss is the same. Some parent relationships are poor. The loss is not as impactful from an emotional standpoint. Other losses are very intense due to a healthy relationship. While other losses differ depending on the age of the child when the parent was lost. No one box fits all when it comes to parental loss. Below are a few things to consider.
If the relationship is estranged then complications can arise. Guilt, resentment and other forms of emotions can emerge after the parent’s death. One may feel guilty they need repair the relationship while others may resent the parent for not being there for them. Regardless, losing a parent will impact one’s own very definition of existence.
In regards to age, there are a variety of different responses. All share in common traits of missing the parent for particular events. Even those who never knew their parents, lament the fact that their parents may not be at a particular event, especially when friends have their parents present.
Infants are very young children never know their parents. They may have faded memories but they only know their parents from pictures, videos and stories. The symbolic loss is always present and in some cases complicated living arrangements arise with the child being in foster care, raised by other family members or being raised in a blended family. Adjustment is easier since the child never knew life before but as the child ages, the symbolic lost and the urge to have met them at least once is forever present.
As for older children and teens, the lost has a far greater impact because it changes their life. New living arrangements, missed present events as well as future events are a constant reminder of the loss. Mother’s Day or Father’s Day remind them of the loss as well. In addition, teens and children may have guilt and resentment issues as well as possibly magical thinking issues where they think they are to blame for the parent’s death.
Young adults face their own issues as well. Young adults deal with the reality that they are without their parent or parents for the first time. They were nurtured by their parents through their formative years but now they may feel orphaned or abandoned. Financial difficulties can arise as well as support they once possessed. Events such as a future wedding, or the birth of a first child can serve as reminders of their absence.
Older adults also suffer. Even though the lost is natural event they still feel a sharp of pain of losing a mother or father. Comments that belittle the loss such as at least you had your parents your whole life can be dismissive to the actual pain they are feeling over the loss. Furthermore, many be feel relieved after a long terminal illness. Caregiver burnout may make them feel guilty about the release from the stress of daily care.
Regardless, the loss of a parent is a impactful event. Different situations regarding age and the health of the relationship can create different secondary losses and reactions but when someone loses a parent, a piece of them dies with that parent. It forever changes them and their outlook on life. Holidays are never the same and the pain never truly goes away.
Grief Counselors can help individuals with the loss of a parent by guiding them through the grieving process. While each case is different, it is important to understand that parents are not always with us and we must learn to remember and celebrate their life. However, in the meantime, it is important for those blessed enough to have their parents to appreciate them everyday and respect them. To shower them with love and gratitude and realize that not any day is a given.
It is also critical for individuals to discuss death with parents. Death discussions are considered by taboo by many and the discussions of later care or funeral wishes are never conveyed. Many meaningful discussions that never would have taken place occur when such topics are broached. It is important to discuss these issues because once a parent is gone, no one will know their secret wishes or desires for a funeral. It is important to make time valuable and not take anything for granted.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification or would like to become a certified Grief Counselor then please review the program and see if it meets your academic and professional needs. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Related:
AIHCP’s video on Parental Loss: Please click here
“What’s Your Grief” Article on Coping After the Loss of a Parent: Please click here
“Healthline” Article on Dealing with the Losing a Parent: Please click here