With so many climate issues occurring throughout the planet, individuals are experiencing a new type of loss and suffering. Individuals may be affected directly by climate change or indirectly. Those who lose homes, or crops, or life styles due to climate change experience a far more direct experience, while those who simply mourn the symbolical loss and potential effects suffer more indirectly. As members of the planet, the loss is painful to all. This type of grief has been labeled as Ecological Grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Ecological Grief is loss due to climate change and the environment. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “What’s the Difference Between Eco-Anxiety and Ecological Grief?” by Markham Heid looks closer at the anxiety and grief tied together in climate change. He states,
“Ecological grief is a relatively new term for a form of climate-related loss and mourning that researchers are just beginning to study. However, some research has already attempted to map out this term and its related causes and psychological experiences. The perspective article published last year in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health defined ecological grief as the “grief felt in relation to experienced or anticipated ecological losses, including the loss of species, ecosystems and meaningful landscapes due to acute or chronic environmental change.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
So many times in the mourning process, we feel held back due to loss. The pain is one thing, but the guilt one can feel for looking forward can sometimes haunt an individual. Conflicting emotions were relief but also regret meet, as well as love but also sadness. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Individuals after loss, must mourn the loss, but they must also move forward from it. This does not entail forgetting the past. One keeps the past loss close to heart, helping it transform and create the person one is, but this does not mean living in the past. It means still living. Whether this entails moving on to loving someone new, or finding joy in life again, one cannot feel these feelings betray the deceased.
Sometimes past loss guilts oneself from enjoying the present. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
One is not expected to continue to live in the past, but to move forward, embracing the loss, while also venturing forward to new things. Adaptation and reconciliation to the loss manifests in someone who can still grieve the loss but find happiness in the new. The loss will never cease, but it can coexist in a healthy way.
What’s Your Grief offers an excellent perspective on this. In their article, “Conflicted Feelings in Grief: Reconciling the Present with What Might Have Been” by Eleanor Haley, this type of conflicting emotion of moving forward is addressed. She states,
“On a larger scale, people may feel guilty as they move forward in life and discover new purposes, make new connections, or find a sense of peace or happiness. Feeling okay in their life without their loved one feels like a betrayal. The reality is that grief is so ongoing that it is impossible to wait for it to end before allowing yourself to experience anything positive. You will likely grieve in different ways forever, so you have to find a way to let it live alongside new purpose, meaning, and connections.”
It is easy and natural to think of what may have been. Part of the process is to think and remember, but this should not be something that haunts and prevents future relationships or future happiness. One needs to move forward at one’s own pace, but conflicted emotions can prevent a person from appreciating the present. It is critical to properly see loss in its perspective. The loss is part of oneself and an important part but it cannot become an anchor that strips life away. This is not betrayal, but part of being alive. It is also something our beloved deceased would never wish for us.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Grief Support Groups are important for individuals who lack the proper support arcs at home. Many individuals do not have anyone to talk to or share their grief. It is important for groups to help others find strength in dealing with the particular loss. The video below discusses the importance of Grief Support Groups and how to become a strong group leader.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Support Group Leader Certification as well as AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if they matches your academic and professional goals. The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certifications
So many times when individuals grieve, they are not given the appropriate time, response or care. The rule of thirds dictates that only 1/3rd of the people in one’s life will respond emotionally to one’s loss needs. Even those who care can sometimes say the wrong thing. It is important when helping the bereaved to say what helps heals instead of further hurting the person. Many well intentioned individuals can say the wrong thing at the wrong time and make the grief worst for the bereaved. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Careful words are needed in grief support. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “The Grief You Give: A guide for what to say in the wake of loss: Words for when “sorry for your loss” isn’t enough.” from Scalawag Editors looks at somethings that usually should not be said and what one can do better. The editors list some common cliches.
“Grief can be downright awkward. There’s a certain pressure to find the right words to say. It’s common to default to apologizing. We blurt out sorry for your loss, scribble it into Hallmark cards, and paste it under social media posts, punctuated with a prayer hands emoji. We center ourselves even if we don’t mean to. What are you sorry for anyway? Over the last several months, we’ve asked you, our people, to share the words and gestures that have proven helpful after a loss; which ones hurt more than they heal? From those responses, we’ve created this condolences guide to parse through perspectives on how we care and show up for one another—even when we get it wrong. Accountability is an act of love.”
Saying the wrong thing can obviously be a big mistake. Looking at the above cliches and making sure one does not follow the same mistakes is critical to helping a bereaved friend.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
Shopping sometimes can cheer anyone up. Buying something new and exciting or adding to a collection can help one look beyond a boring and blue day. If, however, an individual uses shopping as escapism or over shops due to depression, then shopping may not be the best cure. It is important to see the difference when shopping becomes pathological and not just merely a way to cheer oneself up.
Shopping used to hide depression is unhealthy. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Depression Shopping: Why Retail Therapy Does Not Heal” by Hope Gillette looks closer at how shopping can become pathological if used during depression. She states,
“Getting something new can be fun and exciting. Even if you’re shopping for home necessities, the experience of buying something nice can make you feel accomplished. In fact, research from 2014 points out that making purchases helps alleviate sadness and gives a sense of control. Shopping as a recreational activity or because you need an item is one thing. Shopping because you depend on the mood boost could be something else.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Going through grief is a difficult transition. With so many erroneous philosophies surrounding grief, it can even be more difficult to navigate emotions and cope with the pain. It is important to understand how grief affects human beings and how human beings need to react to grief itself. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program.
Grief can be a difficult journey. Sometimes support groups can help individuals process and cope with grief in helpful ways. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
Many contend grief is an unnatural state, or that one must restore balance in life and forget the past. Others believe grief is in step by step stages. Others believe grief should be kept from others and never expressed. All of these ideas can lead to complications within the grieving process. Many individuals due to misinformation need external help to learn how to grieve and cope properly.
Support is key in grieving as well as Grief Counseling. The rule of thirds dictates that one third of those one knows will be indifferent to one’s loss, while another third will actually be counterproductive to the grieving process, and the final third will be helpful and compassionate. The more support one has the better they can cope with the loss but many need help. Grief Support Groups offer the aid some need to better heal.
Alan Wolfert, an expert in grief, lists ten key touchstones to grieving. These touchstones are utilized in his guide for support groups. The touchstones provide a good outline to dictate the course of the meeting outlines in helping others come to grips with loss itself. Many of the elements found in other grieving models are found in these touchstones but again the touchstones are not to serve as a chronological time line to healing but a check list to measure healing.
In this blog, we will briefly review these ten touchstones.
The first touchstone deals with opening oneself to the presence to the loss. Denial is one of the first reactions to loss. Hence it is important to open oneself to the reality of loss and acknowledge the event and start to process it. Various emotions will emerge, but the process is key in healing. It is also critical to understand the nature of grief. Grief in itself is the price of love. The two are forever interwound with each other. Understanding that grief is not temporary but a life long journey is important. Love is forever hence grief and loss of that love is forever.
The second touchstone deals with dismissing false misconceptions of grief. A support group can help others dismiss bad grieving habits and false ideas. So many false ideas about grief exist in society. Many of these false misconceptions and myths damage healing itself.
The third touchstone involves embracing the uniqueness of one’s grief. Grief is very unique. Due to this, losses vary from individual to individual. Some losses are greater than others. Other losses have greater bonds. Some losses also depend on one’s ability to cope. Secondary losses can occur which can make the primary loss even more difficult. Hence all loss is unique because each bond is unique. It is important for the bereaved to understand the unique nature of his or her personal grief and what challenges he or she will incur.
The fourth touchstone is exploring the feelings associated with loss. So many times, emotions are hidden. Some emotions are considered distasteful. It is important to accept all forms of emotions within a healthy manner. Anger and sadness should not be dismissed but embraced and properly understood within the grieving process.
Touchstone five deals with understanding the needs of mourning. This touchstone correlates with many grief theories regarding recovering. First, one must acknowledge the loss. Following this, one must embrace the emotions, remember and commemorate the deceased, develop a new relationship, find new meaning and let others help in times of sadness. These are key elements in adjusting to the particular loss and becoming whole again. One does change through grief but through proper grieving , one is able to change in a healthy way that adjusts to the loss and allows one to exist but still remember.
The sixth touchstone is understanding that grief does not make one crazy. Many individuals hold tight to older traditions, dream of the deceased, or may even see the deceased. While in grief, these types of fixations on the deceased are not pathological. Missing someone is not crazy. The manifestations of missing someone should not be dismissed as crazy. Individuals must understand that is natural for these things to occur during the grieving process.
The seventh touchstone deals with nurturing oneself. In grief, it is easy to forgot oneself. It is easy not to care for oneself or attend to things that are important to oneself. As one heals, it is important to care for oneself. It is important to try to find a smile, or beauty in things. This may be difficult, but self care should not feel guilty. Many who grieve, feel they must grieve forever or they will betray the one the love. Grief should not be a punishment but a transition.
The eighth touchstone involves reaching out to others. Many individuals see this as a sign of weakness. These individuals may hide their grief. Others may see it as a sign of weakness to ask for advice or cry before someone. As social beings, it is important to seek help when hurt. Emotional hurt is no different.
The ninth touchstone is discovering that grief is about reconciliation not resolution. There is no end to the loss itself. The loss is forever hence the separation is forever. There will be no resolution or new self void of the past. Hence it is important to understand that one must become reconciled to the loss. One must be able to accept it and live with it. This means living with it in a healthy way, but it does not mean, the pain will magically vanish. One still can at times experience the pains of loss but be completely adjusted and reconciled to the new reality.
The final touchstone is appreciation of one’s transformation. This does not mean one forgets the deceased and is happy to be changed, but means one is happy he or she experienced the grieving process and now can in a healthy way enjoy the adjustment while still remembering the deceased. The transformation shows change and growth and understanding. These are good things to be thankful for.
Wolfert’s Ten Touchstones can direct grief support groups. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
These touchstones serve as an excellent source to guide Grief Support Meetings. They can help individuals through the maze of grief and find proper healing and transformation. It allows the bereaved to experience emotion, learn about the grieving process and have the support and tools to reconcile and transform from the loss.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
The loss of a child is the worst loss and a parent’s worst fear. It is unnatural for a parent to bury a child hence it also carries a deeper pain than merely losing an older family member. The loss of a child is a life long wound that haunts the parents for the rest of their lives. It is of no wonder then that many complicated forms of grief develop within parents who lose a child. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The worst loss for a person is to experience the loss of a child. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “How to Deal with the Grief of Losing a Child” by Melissa Porrey takes a closer look at the pain of losing a child. She states,
“The loss of a child is unimaginable. Whether anticipated or unexpected, the pain that follows the death of a child is likely to feel overwhelming and endless. With time, healthy coping tools, and help from loved ones and professionals, the worst parts of grief will eventually pass. This article will provide an overview of common grief reactions, options for seeking help, and ways to cope.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
Miscarriages are a common grief for couples. Many times this type of loss is not spoken about or dismissed. Yet the loss still bears a painful sting of losing a child, albeit, not yet born. The prospect of parenthood, the connection and excitement being stripped away can cause immense grief for an expecting couple. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Miscarriage grief and loss sometimes goes unnoticed to others. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Miscarriage Grief: How to Cope with the Emotional Pain” by Hilary Lebow takes a closer look at this type of loss. She states,
“Grieving for your pregnancy, your baby, and all that came with the experience is an intimate and unique process. You may experience intense emotions, or you could feel numb and detached. You may not even be sure how you feel or should react. These are all natural ways to cope with a significant loss. How a miscarriage affects you depends on many factors, including your circumstances, support, and emotional resources.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional needs and goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Professional care givers whether as doctors, nurses or mental health counselors are human beings like anyone else. They have needs and limits. Many times, these limits are stretched. Care professionals will put others before their own health and over work or become emotionally drained carrying the pain of others. This not healthy for them long term nor is it good for the care of the patient. It is essential and important for caregivers to understand their limits and the benefits of rest. Alan Wolfelt lists numerous ways caregiver fatigue can be detrimental to health as well as ways to alleviate the heavy burden. We will review a few of his suggestions in the blog below. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
First and foremost, self care is important because professionals owe it to themselves and their families to have happy lives. There must be a a life outside the office or the hospital. One must live a life that includes family vacations, dining, massages, hobbies, or parties or whatever is most fulfilling in life. While the profession is important, it is only one aspect of one’s life. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Support Group Certification Program
This naturally leads to the need to find rest and respite from the draining work. For those who see death at the hospital, or for those who help the mentally drained, the weight can sometimes become over bearing for a true kind heart. One who shows empathy with the grieving, takes upon some of that stress and feels its impact. It is important to allow oneself to refresh and recharge from these things. On numerous occasions , caregivers can transfer the pain of others to one’s own family, where heartburn seems to be a heart attack, or a migraine may be seem to be a tumor. It is natural to feel the grief of others and attribute to possibly one’s own life. It is key to stay spiritual and thankful.
Caregivers and leaders of support groups also need to maintain self care to continue to be successful with others. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Finally, if one is to truly help others, then one must be mentally healthy. It is important sometimes to find a clear mind to avoid the pitfalls of just showing up. Sometimes, over worked professionals are not only as sharp as they should but it can also make them more callous to the needs of others. It can push caregivers away from the pain by acting like experts and only professional, preventing one from helping those who truly need aid and help.
Hence it is important to find joy in the little things. It is important to live one’s other side of life at home and with family. It is important to see the joy in life in whatever comes one’s way or what one loves to do. If it is going to a winery one day, or a retreat, or simply watching a favorite show, these things can help recharge and give excitement to life.
While performing tasks at work, it is important to also remember to work smart but not hard. Specific goals should be set for personal and professional development. Another way to work smarter, is to not multitask but deal with one thing at a time. Another helpful hint is to plan tomorrow’s projects at the end of the previous day. More hints include, protecting oneself from interruptions, take a break when it is needed and delegate tasks when possible. Support systems can play a key role in staying ahead and energized as well.
Wolfert lists a helpful Manifesto for bereavement caregivers. Here are a few key points.
One deserves to lead a whole and joyful life. One’s work does not define oneself. Oneself is not the only one who can help others. One must develop healthy eating, sleeping and exercising habits. Overinvolvement can lead to neglect of oneself. One must maintain certain boundaries when helping others. Oneself is not perfect and should not expect oneself to be. One must practice good time management. One must set limits to lessen stress. One must listen to one’s inner voice when fatigue is sensed. One must express one’s true self in work and play. Oneself is a spiritual being and has spiritual needs.
Caregivers need to find their own spiritual place. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
These ideals can help any healthcare professional, mental health or bereavement counselor better care for others. Those in charge of support groups, or those licensed in counseling, all need to realize that while their leadership and guidance is important, it is also important that their own health is monitored. One must remember, like in a plane, one is instructed in an emergency to put the air mask on oneself first, before putting it on another. The reason is simple. One cannot help others, if one is able and ready.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification, then please review AIHCP’s site and programs. The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Source: “The Understanding Your Grief Support Group Guide: Starting and Leading a Bereavement Support Group” by Alan Wolfert, PhD
Support groups of any type can help an individual overcome many past traumas. The collective sharing of trauma can help mutual members heal and learn from each other. Individuals with any type of mental or emotional trauma sometimes find the social outlet of support groups to be beneficial. These groups can be from basic human loss to more complicated issues as PTSD and other trauma. Individuals seeking support group help should already be somewhat past the initial shock of loss. In other cases, they should not be a danger to themselves or others. Support groups should be narrowed to their most basic needs to have the most maximum benefit. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification.
Support groups provide an excellent opportunity for the bereaved to be introduced to like wounded individuals. It counters the isolation and shaming within society and opens a new door of acceptance and sharing. Groups provide emotional, spiritual and physical support in a safe and trusting environment. Furthermore, groups allow individuals to explore their feelings but also to help others. If one is emotionally ready and able, support groups can be the final touch of healing to help a person adjust to the loss and continue in a healthy fashion on their grief journey. You can learn more about organizing Grief Support Groups through AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program.
Bereavement support groups are an excellent vehicle to help others deal and cope better with grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The first step in facilitating a support group is to discover the group that one wants to reach. Many independent programs are sometimes founded by an individual who shares a similar loss and wishes to not only help one’s own self but others. Some families of school shootings, will start groups in memory of a lost loved one as a way of continuing one’s name. Other established societies or institutions will create groups and assign trained professionals to guide the groups.
Groups can be led by one person but it is really important to have a reliable co leader who shares similar values and understands the importance of the maintaining group structure. In addition to leadership, most groups are held within the organization premises, but independent groups may meet in public places such as churches, schools or libraries. It is important to find a spot that is quiet enough to allow privacy and a sense of the sacred. Lighting and sometimes music can be employed. An area that has the necessary academic tools is also important. White boards and other educational tools should be part of any group’s resources to explore issues of grief.
The group should be no more than 12 as to avoid overwhelming the leader and not permitting enough time to help each individual. It is also important to pre-screen potential group members to discover if they are ready for group support. Some members may be reluctant to join and are being forced, while others may not be ready to join a social group to discuss loss. Still others may require personal counseling due to deeper trauma that a group cannot help heal properly.
Within the group it is also critical to establish rules to each member. Meetings should be close ended with a start and end time and regular weekly or monthly cycle of meetings. In addition if utilizing online meetings to supplement or replace physical meetings, it is important to keep the same structure of start and close and maintain routine. Issues of privacy may arise and it is important upon utilizing various online resources that individuals partake knowing the critical element of privacy and be in a closed off room from the noise of their respective homes.
Other ground rules should include the importance of confidentiality. What is said within the group cannot be shared with others outside the group. It is critical to build this sense of community and trust. It is important to share one’s grief account, but it is also important that other people may resist. It is critical not to force others to share until they are ready. Likewise, for those who choose to share, it is important to set up time designations for each to talk to prevent the more out going from monopolizing the time. While it is good to help others, it is also important for group members to understand that advice is only to be given unless requested by another member. In addition, interruptions must be avoided and forewarned as unacceptable behavior.
It is to be understood within the group that grief is unique to each. It is important to understand that grief is part of life and not a disease. Finally it is important to emphasize that there is no true recovery in grief but it is an ongoing process. Communication and sharing grief is a life time commitment.
Most grief support groups are close ended, education based and open discussion. These three elements are key to their functioning. The educational element is key in teaching the individuals about the science of grief and how grief works in the body but the open discussion allows for the more subjective element to emerge. Most grief groups have texts, materials, and home work assignments, especially journals. Individuals are encouraged to write and share, as well as bring pictures, and other key objects of the loved one on certain days to share. Evaluations are also utilized on the final day.
Individuals who are looking to promote a grief support group who do not have an institution’s support, can find multiple ways to advertise their group. Word of mouth, online chat, facebook pages, posters and flyers, email lists of professional leaders, local free media and direct communication with professionals within the field can help individuals discover your group.
So far, we have discussed the basics of the group itself, but leadership will determine the success of the group. The leaders ability to be a companion in grief but also an educator in the field. Education, experience, and commitment to helping the bereaved is key for ultimate success. Excellent programs do not bloom over night but are the product of meticulous planning. Every meeting should be flexible but have a plan and topic.
First, the leader must possess some basic qualities. Without these qualities, even the best presented material will come across as uncaring and superficial.
A leader must possess empathy. The ability to perceive another’s experience and communicate it back. It allows the person to feel the other in an emotional sense and allow one to truly understand the feelings of another. A leader must also possess respect. Everyone in the group must be respected as special and unique and have inherent value. Finally, a leader needs to present himself or herself as genuine. They must be sincere in their teaching, listening and companioning.
Communication skills are key in this respect. Certain counselors and teachers learn various nuances of the trade through time and practice, but the skills of being a good listener can be learned over time. The ability to enter into communication and value the person is the first key. Listening can take the form in many ways. Attention and attending to each person one at time is the first key. In this paraphrasing can be a key skill to help others. This not only ensures one correctly hears, but also ensures the other person hears what they are saying. Clarification of issues is also key to clear up any confusing issues. Furthermore perception checking can be a key tool in addressing the individual and allows them to reflect and respond. Sometimes, leaders will needmake observations regarding an individual, and other times, a leader may need to provide some type of acknowledgement. From a group setting, a leader must also help others focus on topics, provide necessary information and help others stay on course. When problems occur, it is always best to deal with at the end of the meeting. Any leader will face various issues in a meeting ranging from the nature of sadness itself or problem members. Learning how to cope through these issues is a key development in any leader. There are a variety of skills that make a support group leader a good leader and learning more about communication and ways to help others be heard and open, are key to support groups.
Grief Support Group Leaders need to have various skills and values to succeed. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Any group goes through phases of growth. A good leader will be able to identify the growth. The first phase is the warm up phase. In this phase, the group is feeling each other out. Individuals are trying to see if others think like themselves. Other personalities are emerging and whether to trust remains a question. It is important in these early meetings to give time for individuals to get to know each other and share small stories. These boundaries are further explored in the second phase and following meetings. Individuals tentatively begin to test the water and explore boundaries within the group. They should also begin to start seeing themselves as part of a group.
As the group develops and becomes closer, there is a deeper exploration phase. The work of grief begins to take shape. Instead of why, individuals are helping each other work through the grief. Following this phase, is the most important phase of a commitment to continued growth and healing. Others will take active interest if another member is absent in this phase. The final phase is preparation for ending the group. For some, this can be a loss in itself but it must become something of accomplishment. Others within this phase can share information, numbers and continue to form friendships beyond the group itself.
In any social event, there is a social psychology that is played out. Within a group of any type, these things will be played out. It is important for the leader to respect uniqueness of individuals but also guide the overall theme of the group to work through grief. A successful leader understands the nature of grief but also possesses the qualities to help others through grief. The group can become a great healing device is properly led. Preparation and commitment are the keys.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Source: The Understanding Your Grief Support Group Guide: Starting and Leading Bereavement Support Group by Alan D Wolfelt, PhD
