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Grief Counseling Courses: Broken Relationships and Attachment Theory in Grief Therapy

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Courses

A lot of literature about grief is overwhelmingly death orientated.  While death is a universal experience it is still not an everyday thing.  True, the loss of a loved permeates one’s daily life long after the event, but the actual event is singular and for the more fortunate, not nearly as regular.  The reality is most people go to counseling  or grief therapy for a relationship loss. 

The Pains and Grief of the Heart 
Grief counselors deal with many people who are devastated by divorce, a cheating spouse, a broken engagement, or the sudden change of not having that person to call, hold, or spend time with.  These aspects are very common to the human experience.  With proper guidance, the wounds become scars and help one grow emotionally and sometimes spiritually.
The loneliness and the un-needed anxiety people experience in finding a mate can be stressful enough for some, but when one truly believes they found the one, only to be shocked that everything was an illusion can be a horrifying change.   Changes in life style from the tiniest schedule can shake the foundation of that person’s life.   Even the smallest scent or image can bring a tidal wave of emotional imagery.  Unfortunately there are no short cuts in this adaptation period.  As so many grief specialists emphasize, one must do their “grief work”.  They must experience the change the emotional pain that accompanies it.  Of course, as death, there is the acceptance stage, the emotional stage of anger and mourning, and the final adaptation to the new situation.  A good grief counselor will guide the broken person through these phases and encourage emotional release in the healing process.  Only after these initial steps, can the person utilize new meaning concepts to a new reality and properly place the lost relationship in its proper perspective of his or her life story.
The question arises why does this adaptation take so long for some people?  It all varies based upon the level of attachment.  Attachment theory is a theory that was used in great depth with widows or widowers in their loss of a spouse.  The same can be applied to broken relationships that do not involve death, but separation.  The attachment will determine the length of the adaptation to the person.   So, if someone was in a relationship for many years and suddenly the relationship ceased, one should expect a greater withdrawal and more intense and lengthy adaptation period.  The opposite can be said for a short two month affair where there is little attachment and hence less adaptation.
As a grief counselor, it is important not to only deal with death but also every day pains of the heart.  Proper understanding of attachment can help one assess the situation and lay a ground work for eventually adaptation and assimilation of the past into the person’s present.  One can never give a time frame for recovery, but with a special guidance, a grief counselor can help a person understand the phases and steps and help them take the necessary steps for a happy future with someone else. if you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program.
Our grief counseling courses are offered online and after completion of the grief counseling courses, one can become eligible for certification if qualified.

By Mark Moran, MA, GC-C

Complicated Grief and It’s Manifestations

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Complicated Grief and How to Become a Certified Grief Counselor

The grief cycle always stings but it does include recovery via acceptance and adaptation. Nonetheless, sometimes reactions to grief go well beyond the natural cycle and the skills of a grief counselor and require higher help. Abnormal or complicated grief can occur and in these cases requires this higher help. Abnormal characteristics include chronic depression, delayed grief, distorted grief, excessive grief, masked grief, or concomitant grief.
When analyzing these reactions a few things need to be noted. First within a subjective element. The person who experiences the grief reacts differently than another person may to the same thing. This is a result to the level of attachment to the thing or person valued. The greater the attachment, the greater reaction. The greater the reaction, the greater possibility for complicated reactions. Some reactions can be chronic depressive, some delayed and others masked.
From an objective standpoint, the grief event can be concomitant/multiple events or traumatic. The more severe the event the greater the reaction. This is the case of traumatic grief which is a result of a devastating event. These can include natural disasters, war, sudden loss, or mass death. Survival guilt, death imprints and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome can all result from these.
In most cases, complicated grief reactions require medication and professional counseling. A grief counselor can work in concordance with an LPC but should not work alone with these conditions. It is the grief counselors role to identify signs and situations that cause complicated grief and direct their clients to the proper resources
If you are interested and would like to learn how to become a certified grief counselor, then please review the program.

A Sojourner in Grief Surpasses Basic Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Sourjourning in One’s Grief is a Deeper Calling Than Just Grief Counseling

A Sojourner is one who has the empathy and compassion to commit the time and energy to travel into the darkness of grief with another one. As a counselor, it is not always about making the person feel better but helping them face grief and overcome it. What is wanted is healing and emotional health that lasts more than a few minutes.

Some things to consider when dealing with traumatic grief and counseling.
1. Sometimes people need to hear tragic news more than once to help it fit in and for them to say it themselves.
2. Sometimes they may need a physical hug. Remember physical touch can be reassuring but should be respectful and appropriate and only if accepted.
3. Encourage them to talk out their problems with family and friends
4. Include anger management. Allow them to be angry but channel it properly
5. Plan follow up sessions to rethink and retalk about what has happened.
Sojourning and mentorship is beyond mere counseling. It is a personal interest with one’s spiritual child. It involves listening and helping one through the darkness of grief. It involves also sometimes stepping into the darkness to help one escape it.  If you are interest in the  Grief Counseling Program, please click here.

How to Write a Grief Sympathy Letter or Note

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

 Dealing with the Grief of Others

A sympathy letter is a formal and sincere way of sending your condolences to a grieving family member, friend, or colleague. It is usually sent or emailed during the first few days after the death of an individual. Sending a sympathy letter is a great way to empathize and give comfort to a person who has just lost a loved one.  Dealing with grief is a challenging journey. Those who grieve are generally very appreciative of the notes of condolences they receive.

 How to Begin the Letter

A grief sympathy letter often opens up with the writer acknowledging the death of the person. The writer may do this with lines such as “I am so sorry to hear of your loss,” or “I was shocked to hear about X’s death.” If the writer is writing on behalf of a group or company, he or she may write something like this: “I am writing on behalf of Y company or X’s friends to express our condolences for X’s passing.”  These lines not only serve as an appropriate opening for the letter, but also set the tone for the entire sympathetic theme.

 Acknowledge the Loss

After acknowledging the death of the person and the loss of the grieving party, the writer then expresses sympathy in the succeeding sentence or paragraph. The writer may say “Please find comfort in the love and good memories we have of X,” or “I want to express my sincerest sympathy for your sad loss.”  In this part of the letter, the writer condoles with the grieving party and offers words of comfort to the bereaved family.

Share Wonderful Memories of the Deceased

A sympathy letter should also have a few lines about the deceased person as described by the writer. These lines usually enumerate the good qualities that the writer admires and will miss about the deceased. The writer may say, “X was such a sweet and hardworking colleague, and I will miss him dearly,” if the deceased was a colleague, or “X was a sincere, loyal, and trusting friend,” if the deceased was a friend. In the next line, the writer shares a wonderful memory of the deceased to the grieving party. This is an opportunity to highlight the good qualities of the person who has passed away. The writer may cite how he or she met the deceased, their friendship, working relationship, or how the late person spoke affectionately about his or her family.

How to End the Letter

Grieving families will appreciate hearing words of love from just about anyone, particularly from people they know. This may be as simple as words of encouragement. One rule of thumb, though- never make any offer that you can’t fulfill. Some lines that writers can use for this part are, “If there is anything that I can do, I am just a phone call away,” or “Don’t hesitate to call me up if you need anything from me during these tough times.”  As a closing line, writers may end their letter with phrases such as “love,” “truly yours,” and “affectionately yours.”
Here’s a sample of a short but sincere sympathy letter:
“I am saddened by X’s death. No words are adequate to describe just how special a person he was. He always had kind words to say about everyone in the office. He also often told us how he loved you and his children. If there’s anything we can do for you, just give us a call. Our thoughts are with you and your family during these difficult times. Sincerely, John.”
Oftentimes, when one is faced with a friend who is grieving, it is hard to know what to do. Knowing how to write a formal sympathy letter can help one organize one’s thoughts and feelings in a coherent manner. For someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one, reading a simple sympathy letter is sure to make the loss a little easier to bear.
If you would like to learn more on how to become certified in grief counseling, then please review.

Grief Counseling Certification: When Grief Happens

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Certification

Grief strikes everyone every day. It is unfortunately a natural element of life that many would like to wish away. However, if one does not develop the necessary coping skills with loss, one’s life will become a dangerous road of long depressions and unhealthy psychological reactions to loss. The coping skills necessary in dealing with loss are as pivotal to existence as any other coping skills. While there is a process in mourning loss, the coping skills help one to go through the natural phases of grief. Grief counselors are especially trained to help people get through the day to day cycle of grief as a result of loss. AIHCP offers certifications in grief for qualified individuals. If you are fit the mold for a grief counselor, you should consider becoming certified. By merely taking the four required courses you can become certified in grief and also open to other specialties in pet loss, Christian grief and adolescent grief.
If you are interested in a grief counseling certification, then please review.  By taking the core courses, one can become certified in grief counseling.

Training in Grief Counseling: Suicide Intervention Strategies in Grief and Christian Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Suicide Intervention Strategies in Grief and Christian Counseling

In the previous article, we discussed assessment. The final element of assessment is types of intervention required to prevent suicide that Grief and Christian Counselors can use.
There are two types of intervention. The first is Low-Risk Intervention and the second is High-Risk Intervention. High and Low is determined by level of depression, amount of risk factors and number of suicidal thoughts.
 Low level intervention requires first and foremost a no suicide contract. This removes stress from the spiritual child and allows them to be free of a dangerous and impulsive decision. The second requires follow up meetings as you nurse the person out of the situation. This may also involve other LPC assistance. Finally, family and friends are needed to lift the spirits of the person. Faith is also key here.
Higher risk symptoms involve more drastic interventions. The plan is very identifiable, doable and even has a possible time frame. Obviously a no suicide contract should be made but the extent of family and friend intervention is much higher. Sometimes an intervention circle may be needed where family and friends form a vigil around their the person. In other cases, police should be called at times or admittance. However, sometimes emergency responses can only do so much or hospitals can only hold someone so long due to observance rules or insurance issues. In these cases, family is most key. The one thing to remember is as a counselor you should never put yourself in harms way especially if a weapon is involved.
It is the hope after help has arrived that post counseling and medicines can alleviate the suicidal thoughts. Ultimately the greatest healing comes from God and this in some cases takes the most time, especially since only the person can open himself to God’s grace. However, is this not the role of the Christian counselor? To shower the love of God on those who suffer?
Hopefully with proper assessment and correct intervention methodologies, a  grief counselor can prevent the death of a person.

Please also consider training in grief counseling.

Grief and Christian Counseling Suicide Assessment Questions

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Training Program: Suicide Assessment for Christian and Grief Counseling

In grief and Christian counseling it is important to identify high risk factors that can lead to suicide. Below is an assessment guide in diagnosing possible people at risk.

The first assessment is identifying symptoms of depression. According to medical professionals, depression manifests itself in these ways. 1. Intense sadness. 2. lost of interest in normal activities 3. loss of energy and strength 4. loss of self confidence 5. excessive guilt 6. expressions that reflect lack of worth or living 7. loss of concentration 8. extreme restlessness 9. frequent insomnia 10. loss of appetite. One should rank these on a scale of one to ten. If two or more symptoms exist with a level of three, a counselor should refer his patient to a medical professional for possible depression treatment.
The second assessment for suicide prevention is the risk factors. Among the most common are 1. loss of job 2. loss of social status 3. financial loss. 4. Gender–male. 5. family history of suicide 6. drug use 7. mental illness. These issues or combination of these issues can lead to a potential suicide
The third and final assessment is assessing he lethality of a threat or plan. Questions such as “Have you considered harming yourself?” or “How many times have you considered harming yourself?” are good starting points in questioning. The second set of questions involve the depth of the plan. They include “Have you considered how you will kill yourself?” The third set of questions hopes to identify a time table. Through this one can identify the intent, lethality and immediacy of the threat.
With good assessment skills, a counselor can prevent a catastrophic event that will not only end an individual life but hurt an entire family. For more information, please review our Grief Counseling training program.
By Mark Moran, MA

Christian Grief and the Effects of Traumatic Grief on Society

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Courses in Christian Grief Counseling: Effects of Traumatic Grief on Society

In the previous article we discussed what traumatic grief is and how it affects the survivor. We utilized Lifton’s five major themes that correspond with traumatic grief. In this segment, we will analyze the recovery procedures for people of traumatic grief. We will also include Christian principles that can heal the wounds of traumatic loss and grief.

The first step involves understanding the nature of the trauma. The trauma is so severe that it has  
brought one to the jaws of death. The realization that death is inevitable and was so close can negatively affect a survivor. Lifton’s first rule is to manage the symptoms of anxiety that correlate with the trauma. 
It is the goal of counselor to help the patient identify and face the pain associated with the trauma. Only then can the counselor help the patient feel less alone and push them towards a sign of hope. Strategies for symptom management help the patient realize they have control and hope. Some strategies include cognitive and behavioral therapies such as relaxation, or techniques for interpersonal skills. Medication is also an option to ease the emotional anxiety so the person can focus and heal. Support groups of people who share similar stories of trauma are also encouraged.
The second step involves reconstructing meaning. In this element, the person begins to find a place for the traumatic event in their life narrative. They face the trauma and then reconstruct their life story with the trauma of the past. This is the very definition of metaconstruction which integrates one’s past and future self conceptions into a new story.
The final element involves finding new spiritual wholeness. This is the final step of healing. In this step, the survivor must recover a new meaningful sense of purpose, return to society, and move towards a healthy self-acceptance of who one is. Some create survivor missions which give them a sense of destiny and ultimate value. Some find this value in God as its source, while others find non theistic means such a good of community or justice. In many ways this final step is a self acceptance and forgiveness of the past that eliminates the negative energy and produces good energy via praxis.
Obviously, God as the source produces the greatest recovery. However, some may remain bitter towards God for the evil that befell. These are signs that a full recovery is not there yet. The bitterness is negative and only until they are able to remove that darkness from their soul will they be healed. The saints and 
mystics focused their energy on Christ who suffered the most traumatic death. They focus on the trauma the Blessed Virgin faced seeing her son brutally murdered before her eyes. In that grief, they find love, support, and healing. They realize in this fallen world, they are not alone. No matter how traumatic the event, the end is resurrection in Christ. If survivors are able to go through the three steps of recovery, they will then be able to unify with Christ their sufferings and elevate it to a higher and supernatural level that the world cannot comprehend. This is the great mystery of Christian grief: through suffering comes redemption.
While traumatic grief and the pains of survivors are immense and require long periods of recovery, it is possible through good counseling, therapies, and God that one can again find meaning, wholeness, hope and love. This does not entail that the healing process eliminates the scar or the memory, but it does allow the person to accept those scars in a healthy manner and continue to carry their cross with dignity, hope, happiness and Christian charity.
Please review our courses in Christian Grief Counseling.
By Mark Moran, MA

Christian Suffering and Survivor Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Suffering and Facing Traumatic Events

The deep emotional scars of survival from a traumatic event of terrorism, plague, natural disaster, or war can be devastating to the human soul. Such evil and mass death can cripple the person from properly healing and continuing one’s life story. While Christian grief looks at such events within the prism of God’s love and how his love can shine through the evils of men and the natural sufferings of the world, one cannot elevate this suffering to new heights until the human psyche is healed. Traumatic and   

complicated grief is the end result in these cases and the person is unable to recover. The natural grief recovery is stifled by the severity of the grief inflicted upon the person. In these cases, grief counseling is only the start. In many cases, professional licensed counselors are called upon to administer grief therapy and supply medication when needed.

A pioneer grief specialist in survivors of traumatic grief is Robert Lifton. Lifton defines a survivor as someone who has faced death and has remained alive. As a survivor who faces death, or mass death, Lifton listed five characteristics. These five characteristics are critical to understanding the nature and mindset of a survivor.

The Five Themes

The first psychological theme is the death print. The death print is the images or memories of the death event. They can cause death anxiety and can be recalled with clarity many years later. Many survivors are haunted by the desire to replay the image of death over and over until they can find a more acceptable outcome.
The second theme is death guilt. Many survivors are tormented by survival guilt. This guilt manifests from the fact that others died and they did not. This is especially the case with parents who may lose a child. In other cases, death guilt can also manifest due to lack of proper performance in stressful situations. Some people will feel extreme guilt because they did not do this or that and due to inability failed to save someone.
The third theme is psychic numbing which can accompany chronic depression. Due to this phenomenon, someone’s crucial components of self are disassociated with the ego. This numbing in some cases is a self defense mechanism. Recovery from this involves intensive therapy to feel again.
The fourth theme according to Lifton is “suspicion of counterfeit nurturance”. This deals with the feelings that survivors have with interpersonal relationships. For the most part it manifests when survivors are reluctant to receive support because they refuse to admit to the damage the trauma has caused his or her soul.
The final theme is formulation. This is the struggle the survivor has to find meaning out of life after a traumatic ordeal . How does the traumatic event fit into the life story of the person? How does the person bridge the past to the future?
These five common themes of survivors are all elements a grief counselor will have to deal with as they rebuild the psyche of a person who has experienced a traumatic event of any type. In the end, the essential task of a survivor is to find meaning of the trauma and connect the loss to their life story. One must find a way to assert continuity of life while remaining true to the past traumatic event. After identifying these themes in a person who has experienced traumatic grief, a counselor needs to work on each aspect and gradually rebuild the person and open the door to creating and reconstructing 
meaning in the person’s life. We will in future blogs review this process, but it is important to note, a Christian counselor of grief should also integrate the sufferings of Christ and point to Christ as a paradigm. Christ’s suffering ultimately is the most traumatic event in human history. One must unify his or her suffering under his cross to finally rise from the ashes as Christ did. Through hope in Christ, all wounds can be healed, even the most traumatic.
Please review the Christian Grief Counseling Program

By Mark Moran,MA

Grief Counseling Certification Program: Grief Supportand Attachment

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Support

Past psychological misconceptions on grief portrayed grief as an irregular element of human experience that needed to be avoided at all costs.In some cases, it was even classified as a pathology that needed cleansed from the system.  Freud insisted that energy devoted to what was lost, must be reinvested into new things or new relationships. This materialistic concept of the “now” and “here”, swept away the spiritual needs of the soul and attachment to the lost object or person.While complicated grief can become a pathology, it is dangerous within grief counseling, especially within Theistic theology, to quickly dismiss the grief process from regular mourning.   Grief, even from a non religious standpoint, is now beginning to be seen as an important element of human existence and an emotion that should not be surgically removed from the consciousness at first diagnosis. While from a theological standpoint, one can say grief is unnatural to man from an eschatological view, one cannot dismiss grief an integral part of the fallen state of historical man.  While the secular view would dismiss the fallen state, it would agree that historical man’s feelings of grief are integral to his overall existence and should not be spurned but properly utilized within the healing process.Most importantly, contemporary grief analysis would concur that attachment to the lost should never be swept into the abyss of the subconscious, but should be reshaped and reformulated to fit the new meaning of the person’s life.

     In analyzing the new ways grief is properly seen within the light of psychology, two things are apparent. First, grief is a natural element in the life of historical man and cannot be dismissed but worked through, and second, the losses of grief are always part of the particular person’s psyche and cannot be eliminated, but must be accommodated in a healthy fashion into the person’s life story. Accommodation in this way becomes an important element in contemporary grief theory. In the past it sits in the background and replacement became the key. Freud insisted one must remove all psychic energy from the deceased or lost and emphasize one’s new energy into new enterprises. Grief was seen as a sickness or unnatural state. This misconception prevents true healing. It creates a “robot” response to death or loss which is unnatural and

realistically impossible. Only a true sociopath could remove himself from the loss of a loved one, granted selfish interest was not affected. With such separation from human emotion, infusing energy elsewhere and replacing the lost with something new, drew a sharp dichotomy of the person “past” and the person “present”. It broke the story line and failed to connect the two persons of past and present for the healthy person of the future. Accommodation in this respect takes the energy and reinvests it into the lost person in a healthy fashion. It does not hope to change the past, but insert it into the story line of the existing person. It hopes to find value and new meaning within the loss. This involves creating a new chapter or a change of the plot, but it does not underestimate the importance of the previous chapters of the person’s story. The story remains uncut from its past and continues to build new chapters. If one adds a theological perspective, it also understands, that future chapters will again, reintroduce this character back into their life story. In fact, within a theological perspective, the lost character never leaves the story, but is involved at a different spiritual level, ready to be introduced physically in an eschatological era. This is the power of accommodation of loss and the importance of meaning making in one’s historical narrative. The lesson: the present and future need the past to exist and one should not try to escape it or surgically remove it, but allow it to become part of what one is today.

Attachment and Grief Support

     Attachment is the other key. Attachment theory is the basis of all human interaction. From the cradle to the grave, people experience attachments at some level. The highest bonds are usually between parents and their children, but throughout life, attachment varies in extreme and intensity. The primary principle revolves around this intensity. The strength of the bond depends on dependency and intimacy. The reaction to loss is hence based upon the strength of these things. Hence when dealing with the grieving, a counselor should be aware of the bond that has been broken. Is one dealing with an attachment involving a simple three month break up or a divorce of a ten year marriage? Is one dealing with the death of a distant aunt or the death of a mother or father? These subjective elements will play large roles in grief support due to the attachment applied to that person. In the same regards, a woman who was somewhat interdependent may recover quicker than a woman who was completely dependent upon her husband.
     From a theological standpoint, theists can take these attachments to another level with God. While in the temporal reality, one must accept, even the greatest joys of this world will one day be taken away, one can with assurance of faith believe God’s love can never fade. Many studies have shown that those who experience loss find meaning and reconstruction quicker by their faith in God. God represents the most stable and perfect attachment; an attachment that can never disappoint or cease to exist. However, one of the most reassuring aspects of attachment with God is that all the good attachments that have been lost, will again be shared in the eschatological state. Even a materialist, who denies the existence of God, cannot deny the  emotional benefits of hope from a purely psychological state. For this reason, attachment that goes beyond the mere human attachments presents a very powerful tool for coping during grief.
     From these perspectives, attachments should not be seen as possible pathologies, but are important social links to human existence. Everyone forms bonds and attachments to people. These attachments should not be seen as horrible ghosts when they are severed but should be revered and respected and reformatted into one’s future narrative. It is true as the poet once said, “It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all”.  To review the Grief counseling certification program, click here.
By: Mark D. Moran, MA, GC-C