Grief Counseling Blog

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What would you tell your younger self about grief?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

When my mother died, I knew nothing about grief. Truthfully, I knew nothing about life either. Like most, I entered grief with nothing more than a handful of assumptions and a few preconceived notions.

Source: www.whatsyourgrief.com

Grief is something that can only be experienced to truly understand it.  i am sure for those who have experienced grief and loss on a larger scale, there is much they can share and probably would like to share with their younger selves, but the reality is we have to go through it to learn and only through these crosses do we grow.

If you would like to become certified in Grief Counseling, then please review the program

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By Sharing Death on the Web, Dying May Not Feel So Alone

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

When terminal illness is chronicled for all the world to witness, the end of life takes on new meaning

Source: time.com

Ideas on death and dying are more universally seen in personal cases now due to the advances in social media and how it has become a staple in American culture.   This can broaden the conversation about death and dying and expose what used to be a private thing and make it more public and known to those who seek to avoid discussing it

If you would like to become a certified grief counselor, then please review the program

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The Role of the Acute Stress Response in Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

I want you to think about the worst moment of your life.  When was it?   What was happening?

Source: www.whatsyourgrief.com

An excellent article that looks how individuals respond to traumatic news.  With any sad or bad news, within the the first minutes, our body has an acute stress response, in grief this has been researched via Kubler Ross, Worden, Rando, etc.  The flight or fight mechanism in our body.  This article looks deeper into these ideas.

If you would like to become a certified bereavement counselor, then please review the program

#certifiedbereavementcounselor

The Unprecedented Nature of Individual Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard someone say they like ambiguity, I’d be pretty broke.  Studies show that making ambiguous decisions (based on little or conflicting evidence) actually activates areas of the brain associated with processing fear and emotion; thus proving that fear of the unknown is more than just an ominous …

Source: www.whatsyourgrief.com

Good article reminding us that grief while a empirical study based upon group studies of people and how they socially and emotionally react to loss, is still nonetheless a very individual experience.  To completely classify it, while important, still can be disastrous when dealing with an individual.

If you would like to learn more about bereavement counseling training, then please review the program

#bereavementcounselingtraining

8 Reasons Why Winter is the Worst (for grievers)

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

What’s cold, icy, really uncomfortable, and sometimes makes you sad? Gosh darn winter, that’s what. You can spare me your affinity for skiing, fresh fallen snow and curling up by a warm fire because I will swiftly counter with wet socks, slush, and lack of sunlight.

Source: www.whatsyourgrief.com

An excellent article on Winter and those who are going through the grieving process.  This article looks over 8 reasons why winter is the worst for grievers.

If you are grieving, see what relates and see if you can help yourself in regards to some of the issues that may be affecting you beyond the grief

If you would like to become a certified grief counselor, then please review the program

#certifiedgriefcounselor

Bereavement Counseling Education: 2015 Without You

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Bereavement Counseling Education: 2015 Without You

The beginning of a New Year without a loved one can leave one pessimistic about the future and New Year.  The previous year took something very special that can never be replaced and leaves the New Year and future years with many questions marks and uncertainties.

The following year is a pivotal time of healing and adaptation for the grieving.  It brings along many ‘first” anniversaries.  In some cases a first Christmas or first Thanksgiving without a loved one, depending on the time of year the deceased passed.  Some anniversaries may also include birthdays, or special anniversaries that will cause the scab of grief to bleed freshly.    Ultimately, the most dreaded day of the New Year is the anniversary of the loved one’s death.

So for those of us who lost a loved in 2014, how can we honestly look forward to 2015?  We can be optimistic but also realistic.  We do not want to harm ourselves by not expressing grief and allowing ourselves to mourn.  So while these days and anniversaries will bring grief, we should see the grief as something therapeutic that allows us to heal and express our love in our healthy way.

The optimism for the New Year should be us adapting to the loss in a healthy way that allows us to love the deceased in different spiritual ways.  The love and bond never dies but exists in eternity and can never be broken.  It is through our grief that we learn to better continue that bond in this life and into the next one.

The optimism for the New Year also means we are still alive and must continue to exist for others as well as ourselves.   Good things can still happen and new bonds will be formed.  They can never replace the old bonds but they continue our life story.  In any story, the previous chapters are critical, but without the following the chapters the story has no meaning.  We need to understand this concept and continue to write future chapters in our life.

So realistically how will 2015 be?  It will be happy, it will be sad and there will be times of optimism and times of pessimism.  Grief is not linear but is wavelike, oscillating back and forth as we gradually move forward.   Yet, as we progress, we cannot forget the bonds that exist with others and the new bonds that still must be formed.   In our continued bond with the deceased, let us remember that they want us to be happy and appreciate our love that will be again consummated in the next life.

If you are interested in learning more about Grief and Bereavement Counseling Training then please review our program.  Our courses offer Bereavement Counseling Education for qualified professionals who hope to achieve certification in Grief Counseling.

In the meantime, please realize that your grief is not something to throw to the side but to embrace because the gift of love between you and the loved one lost is beautiful and not something to be taken lightly.  Try in this New Year to see that this bond still exists but in a different way as you travel this tough road of grief.

The American Academy of Grief Counseling

 

Applications of a Certified Grief Counselor

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

What Exactly is a Certified Grief Counselor?

Believe it or not, people confuse the nature of Grief Counseling with many things that it is not.   Grief Counseling does not deal with pathologies, but the simple emotion of loss and the re-adaptation to that loss.   A certified Grief Counselor, without a counseling license issued by the state, does not possess the training or skill to deal with depression or complicated grief.

In this regard, a person who is a certified Grief Counselor, may or may not be a licensed counselor.  Licensed counselors may very well seek out a certification in Grief Counseling as a professional attachment to their already glowing resume, but as a certification, this is voluntary.

Hence a certified Grief Counselor is a trained professional who helps people deal with loss and readjustment to that loss.  The loss can vary from the death of a loved one to a loss of a job and anything in between.  As a trained professional, a certified Grief Counselor, as mentioned, can already be a licensed counselor who can deal with deeper issue of grief, or any health care professional.   Other professional candidates for Grief Counseling Certification include those in Social Work, Ministry, Funeral Services, or Hospice.

If non of these professions apply, an approved degree in the Health Science or Social Sciences can be applicable for eligibility.

The American Academy of Grief Counseling requires that their certified Grief Counselors meet these requirements, as well as completion of four basic core courses in Grief Counseling.  These independent study courses with mentorship, help the student grasp the basic of the nature of grief and how to help individuals suffering from it.  Theories and practical counseling techniques are taught in these courses and help the qualified professional achieve the educational background necessary to successfully grief counsel.

Those seeking employment in Grief Counseling can coach/counsel at the grassroot level or work in conjuction with a variety of healthcare institutions, schools, funeral homes, social programs, hospices, or church ministries.

The need for Grief Counseling and certified Grief Counselors is always great because all humans grieve.  It is the nature of a person to experience loss.  With this in mind, the career of a certified Grief Counselor is not just a job but also a vocation to the suffering

If you are interested in learning more about Grief Counseling Education or would like to become a certified Grief Counselor, then please review the program.

AIHCP

Grief Counseling Education: 5 Tips to Dealing with a Miscarriage

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Education and 5 Tips to Dealing with a Miscarriage

 

Dealing with a miscarriage can be heartbreaking for both you and your partner. By practicing good self-care in the days and weeks following this tragic event, you can ensure that you will maintain your mental and physical health and prepare yourself for the next steps in your family planning. Read on for five tips to follow if you’ve had a recent miscarriage.

1. Follow Up with Your OB/GYN
According to Vitals, seeing your medical provider after your miscarriage can help determine the cause of the miscarriage. While this is a very common occurrence in early pregnancy, recurrent miscarriage can be a sign of an underlying condition that your doctor may be able to treat. According to Dr. Gilbert W. Webb, medical care is also important to ensure that you are physically healthy after a miscarriage, particularly if you’re planning to try to get pregnant again.

2. Pay Attention to Physical Recovery
It may take several weeks before your body feels normal again following a miscarriage. Many women experience vaginal bleeding, cramping, and breast discomfort. Ask your doctor how you can best treat these symptoms. If possible, consider taking time off work or limiting normal activities until you feel better; however, if you are up to your usual routine, that’s fine too.

3. Grieve Your Loss
You’ve experienced a profound loss, and giving yourself a chance to feel the emotions associated with this loss is an important part of the grief process. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, disappointed, and confused following a miscarriage. Share these emotions with a partner and/or trusted friend. If you feel you’re struggling with resuming normal life, you may want to seek professional counseling.

4. Seek Counseling if Need Be
If you’re having trouble dealing with your emotions after having a miscarriage, ask your provider for resources. He or she may be able to recommend a counselor that can help you sort out your feelings. In addition, a pregnancy loss support group in your area can be an invaluable resource.

5. Prepare for Future Pregnancies
When you feel emotionally ready, it’s usually safe to get pregnant again as soon as your menstrual cycle returns to normal. Every woman is different, though, so talk with your doctor about your individual situation.

While miscarriage can be devastating, keep in mind that the majority of women who experience a loss go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies. If you have several miscarriages, talk with your doctor about ways to solve the underlying issues and improve your fertility.

By Lizzie Weakley

(My name is Lizzie Weakley and I am a freelance writer from Columbus, Ohio. I went to college at The Ohio State University where I studied communications. I enjoy the outdoors and long walks in the park with my 3-year-old husky Snowball.)

 

If you are interested in Grief Counseling Education, then please review our program.

AIHCP

Grief Counseling Certification Program:Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Certification Program: The Many Faces of Grief: Common Emotions that are Experienced

 

Grief is a universal emotion and experience. Everyone will go through grief in their life time. Many will repeat the experience throughout their lives. For a long time grief was shunned by society. People really did not understand it and so it was often a very private experience. Often times the person in grief believed that what they were going through emotionally was abnormal and so they were often reluctant to discuss their experiences. Little had been written about grief and thus people also did not know what to say or do to assist a family member or friend who was in the midst of the grieving process.

 

Today things have certainly changed. Grief has been studied extensively over the past several decades and we now know much more about it. Clinical research has been better able to more clearly define this phenomenon and we continue to learn more about it all the time. We have come to understand what intense emotions are confronted in grief and we also have come to develop solid interventions and strategies to help people with their grief experiences.

 

While grief is a subjective experience and unique in many ways, we have learned over the years that there are several stages of grief which are actually universal in nature.

 

These universal grief experiences include the following:

 

Shock and Denial
This phase often manifests itself in a sort of numbness, a feeling of disbelief and a sense of helplessness. This may occur immediately at the awareness of the loss of loved one or the loss of any kind. People may experience feelings of things being unreal, or feel like they are in some dream state. Denial is a strong experience and often people will respond to a loss as if it did not occur. Observers of this may think the person does not care or does not understand what has happened. The observation of denial can be perceived in many ways. In some cases the denial can be very intense and dramatic. When this occurs, professional help may be needed.
2. Pain and Guilt
As the shock and/or denial abate, it is often replaced with feelings of longing for the one we have lost.  It is standard at this stage to experience guilt and remorse about things we may have done or not done, said or not said, to that person. Overwhelming emotional pain is difficult to deal with, and should not be stifled. In this phase we most often see people express themselves much more and we also will likely witness crying and the expression of many types of regrets.
3. Anger
A common question those in grief ask is ‘Why?’ Why Him/Her? Why us? Why me? Finding the answer to this question causes frustration and anger. It is common at this stage to try to find something or someone to blame, or take your frustration out on. In this phase we may often see the person experiencing trembling, and there may even be physiologic manifestations such as increases in blood pressure and pulse rates. Anger may even be expressed toward God for the loss. It is beneficial to encourage those in grief to verbalize their anger but to do so in more constructive ways.

4. Melancholy
You may experience a period of introversion. This stage of the process may leave you feeling low, and you may find you spend a lot of time reflecting on the experiences you had with your loved one. Those close to you will often try to encourage you not to wallow in your grief. However, this is an important part of the process. It allows you to work through your feelings about the one you have lost, as well as reflect on your time together. It is common to feel depressed and this should be acknowledged. If the depression persists for long periods of time or one begins to contemplate self-harm or suicide, professional intervention should be undertaken

5. Hope for the Future.
The sense of hopelessness and despair you felt will start to lessen. You can now begin adjusting to life without the person you have lost. Often, people in this stage of the process start to think about how they might best commemorate and celebrate the life of the person they have lost.  Deciding on an online memorial can be a great way to honour your loved ones. It allows you to have a permanent reminder of them which everyone can have access to, be involved in creating and even add to.

6. Readjustment and Acceptance.
You will eventually begin to feel that you can settle in to new routines, and maybe even start making plans for your future. Life will seem less overwhelming. You can think about and talk about the deceased with more sense of a peace, rather than experiencing anguish. You have moved away from the intense pain of grief at this phase.

 

Time for Grieving

 

How long does this general process of grieving last? There is no good response to this question.  Grief takes “as long as it takes.” While the above stages are generally universal, the time in grief is not universal. It is uniquely individualized. Some go through the experience and reach acceptance much sooner for others; it can sometimes take several years or more.

 

When the experience of grief persist for more than several years or when the symptoms continue to cripple the grieving person in living their lives then professional help is needed.  A professional who has a certification in grief counseling can be of tremendous help. This professional is schooled in therapeutic interventions for grieving and can really assist in helping the person better cope and progress in the grief experience.

 

As time goes on we will learn more about grief and how people experience it. This will lead us to the development of even more and often better interventions. The time is now for society to become better educated about grief and to learn some common and simple ways to help others through this experience.

 

If you would like to learn more about our Grief Counseling Certification Program, then please review

The American Academy of Grief Counseling

 

Grief Counseling Training: Secondary Losses

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Training:  Secondary Losses

In grief counseling training, many hear the term secondary losses.  What does this term mean?  A secondary loss is something that results or stems from the primary loss and is usually not foreseen until it is experienced by the griever.   Certified grief counselors need to be aware of their clients life and expect and even forewarn the griever of these unexpected losses that may result from the primary loss.

A very good example is a widow.  Her primary loss is her husband.  This huge void in her life will alter it in many ways.  These new alterations are in many cases examples of secondary losses.   Less income is one of the biggest things a widow may face, especially younger widows.  Another secondary loss would be the lack of help around the home.  Leaky faucets, the yard not being mowed or even the simple task of taking out the trash can become reminders of the loss and also an additional hardship to a widow.  In contrast, a widower may have to learn to cook his own meals after work or have to pay to have laundry done.  Within these classical  and traditional norms of husband and wife duties, we can see a loss and a void created by that loss.   Modern families may face less traditional issues but in any relationship, traditional or modern, usually a particular set of duties is best dealt with by one spouse or the other.  When these duties fall upon the grieving spouse, it can become a hardship.

These losses trickle down to the very core of any relationship that is lost.   As we continue with the example of a widow or widower, consider even the smallest thing.  For instance, the loss of income can also affect one’s social life.  When a group of friends wish to attend a movie, perhaps the widow or widower due to tighter budget cannot attend with friends?  Again this is an example of a secondary loss and a new way of adapting to the primary loss is a tighter budget.  Health can also be a big issue.  Loss of health care or coverage, or poor diet can all lead to future problems that are a result from the primary loss.

Another example is a single parent who has very little support except for his or her parents.  Many grandparents supply helpful hands to single parents who work.  Imagine if the grandparents or lone grandparent died?  The sting of grief is present, but what of the grandchild?  Now the single and working parent must find a good day care or baby sitter which reduces the quality of care and costs additional funds.

Like dominoes, every aspect of one’s life can be affected in different ways from the primary loss.  Secondary losses even linger long after the primary loss has been dealt with and adapted to.  The last domino to fall from the initial loss may be felt many years later.  An anniversary, a birthday, or a wedding.   If anything, secondary losses teach us the value of the person or thing lost and the price of that loss.   Yes, we need to adapt and adjust, but we can never forgot the precious person or thing we lost, and secondary losses remind us of the importance people or things play in our life.

We need to be thankful for every person in our lives and evaluate how our lives would be with out them.  Their emotional support, financial support, or favors that they so generously hand out to us.  Imagine our life without them and then you can imagine not only the pain of loss, but the secondary losses to our own life.

If you are interested in becoming trained as a Grief Counselor or would like Grief Counseling Training, then please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA, GC-C