Suicide is a messy thing. It is filled with multiple emotions of loss and despair, but what modern science teaches is that is most of the time an illness. Someone does not simply wish to end his or her life with a clear head. It is because of this and many other factors that cloud judgement that many churches have removed the stigma of suicide itself. Suicide while a horrible thing must not be shelved away but discussed in the open and understood a decision based upon mental illness. If so, we as a society can move forward and deal with suicide survivors, as well as family survivors of a successful suicide of a loved one.
The choice of suicide is a result of a mental imbalance that leaves everyone in tears.
The article, “Opinion: Talk about suicide, end the stigma” by Natalie Sept looks closer at suicide and how it can no longer be seen simply as a rational choice but more so as a decision based in intense emotional instability. It is time to stop treating it as a stigma and face it head on and recognize the surrounding demons of it. The article states,
“When I received the news recently of his suicide, there was something in me that knew it would end this way. Jay struggled with addiction. Our family watched nervously as his jovial disposition became clouded with the pall of substance abuse that eventually pulled him into an irreversible decision.”
Like the seasons, grief has many faces. Somedays, a person may feel good and warm inside, then on other days, a person may feel sad and cold. Grief is not just a set series of step by step instructions but instead a complicated and ever-changing series of emotions correlated with adaptation to change. Hence one day can be good and another bad. In understanding this dynamic, instead of seeing grief as a step by step process, grief counselors view it as dynamic and altering process with oscillating peaks and valleys from day to day or month to month. Various factors come into play that will affect the severity of these peaks and valleys, from a vivid dream to a birthday of a lost one.
Grief Counselors can help individuals face grief without any time tables or false promises
As grief counselors we need to assure clients and patients that there is no set schedule or time frame to heal from grief. Instead, they need to assure one that it is completely normal and healthy to hurt for quite some time over the loss of a dearly beloved one. This is natural and normal and the more interwoven the lives of two, the more adaptation and pain that will exist. This is the price of love and intimacy. So, what should a grief counselor look for in the healing and adjustment of a patient suffering the loss of a loved one? Instead of counting the magical standard of 6 months, the grief counselor should keep close tabs on the peaks and valleys of emotion that pour out throughout the months. As the months become more distant to the death, there should be less peaks and valleys.
This does not mean there will not be peaks and valleys of emotion, but it means. There could be massive valleys of intense grief associated with certain days or merely just a bad day of adjustment, but there should be less frequency of those types of days. If frequency of changing emotion continues to remain high as time continues on, then one may be facing a more serious abnormal grief reaction.
As the months go by, grief never goes away but it diminishes and the person is able to incorporate the loss into their life narrative. They are able to learn to go to work, go to school, and participate in past activities. The key in grief counseling is not to remove grief, but instead to help the person cope with that grief in a healthy fashion. When we see clients again embracing life, moving forward with projects and learning to live without, then we know they are experiencing a healthy grief reaction. If they show apathy towards life, or show exhibit floods of emotion, then we know there is an imbalance which can be a bad sign in either direction.
Learning to help patients and clients cope with these feelings and also feel normal in their own grief recovery is an important part of grief counseling, while also monitoring any pathological coping that may emerge. The grief counselor is meant to keep the bereaved on the proper path of grief recovery, not give a magic pill to erase grief. If one was able to eliminate the grief process, then they throw away the love they shared with the deceased. The grief is the price of love. It is intrinsically tied to love in a fallen world and it must be permitted to bloom and exist. In some ways, it is the last phase of the gift of love in this world.
Please review our Grief Counseling Program to learn how to become a certified Grief Counselor
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification. The certification is offered through AIHCP’s Academy of Grief Counseling and gives future counselors the training they need to be able to guide the bereaved through the maze of grief, helping them peace in loss. Please review our Grief Counseling Program
Sad article about the reality of grief for many during the holidays, especially during Christmas and Thanksgiving. The empty seat is a terrible reminder to many of the lost loved one. In learning to overcome this grief, it is good to unite the past with the present and bring their memory back to all.
The article, “A Thanksgiving Feast With Space At The Table For Grief” by ADHITI BANDLAMUDI discusses the pain of loss for some during the Holidays and how to better cope and understand the grief. The article states,
“Holidays can be hard for grieving families. In Charlotte, N.C. a support group called Mothers of Murdered Offspring, or MOM-O, has an annual tradition to help its members get through a season that can feel relentless: they host a Thanksgiving meal for local families who have lost a loved one to homicide.”
Stan Lee, one of the most creative minds of our generation and creator of numerous comics recently passed away but prior he spoke with Larry Ling about his own thoughts on death.
What is it like to be dead? Stan Lee does not even know. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification
In the article, “What Marvel Comics’ Stan Lee Thought About Death and the Afterlife” by Zach Johnson, one can review an interview Stan Lee had on the topic and nature of death and what he felt regarding it. The article states,
“I don’t fear death. I’m curious. I can’t imagine what it could be like, because I personally feel when you die, that’s the end. It’s the machine that the engine is off,” Lee said on Hulu’s Larry King Now. “But how can there be nothing forever? You know what I mean? I can’t believe it.”
Stan Lee did make a great point in that how could nothingness be forever? While he did not have many answers, he definitely shared many dreams and ideas and thoughts in his various comics of what other realms and even death itself may be like. Like Lee, none of us really empirically know, but we can continue to speculate and state what we believe. As Lee stated ironically in his interview, he was in no rush to learn soon, and I think with that, we can all agree.
Helping recognize problem signs of addiction is important in young people, especially students. If a teacher is able to see drop off in academic performance, he or she can then find the issue and possibly begin an intervention with proper authorities at school or parents. It is critical to catch addiction early before it devours a young life. Teachers can play a pivotal role in saving young minds from the monster of addiction.
Spotting student addiction early is important. Please also review our Substance Abuse Counseling Certification
The article, “Recognizing student substance abuse” lists a variety of signs of student addiction. The article states,
“Students may choose to experiment with alcohol and other drugs for a variety of reasons while in college, and sometimes there are adverse outcomes. At times, you may notice a student exhibiting behavior that is concerning. Below are some examples of concerning behavior around student substance use and tips on how you can help.”
Only look at the news and almost everyday a heartbreaking tragedy is occurring. Religious and school shootings, natural disasters, and unneeded death are all far too common. This leaves a mental mark on society as a whole and a universal grief that all deal with. It is difficult enough to deal with national grief but sometimes very bad things occur to us as well. In those cases, we have to deal with grief associated with great tragedy as well.
How do we deal with grief and religious tragedy such as in Pittsburgh?
The article, “How Do You Deal With The Grief After A Sudden Tragedy?” looks at a variety of opinions on how to deal. The article and video states,
“The Pittsburgh synagogue massacre has shocked the nation and devastated the victims’ families. The grieving process can be a long one, but psychiatrist M. Katherine Shear says there are several things people need to do to be able to move forward in their lives after a loss like this.”
To learn more about helping others face grief in the wake of tragedy please review our Grief Counseling Training and see if it matches your academic and professional needs
Good article on the secondary effects of losing a loved one. Many of these hardships, trials and griefs involve loss of income and loss of everyday customs of daily life. Financial burdens are especially hard for widows who did not work and now must deal with an assortment of bills and financial burdens. These are only but an example of the many pains that come with a primary loss of a loved one.
Secondary losses such as financial hardships are common after death. Please also review our Bereavement Counseling Training
The article, “Financial grief: When death isn’t the end of pain: by Billy Rute states,
“WHEN a loved one dies, the heartache is brutal enough, but many families find their grief compounded by the actions of banks and financial institutions.”
This article clearly portrays the pain many go through financially. Secondary losses are clearly an issue for anyone moving on. They can be financial, or even day to day. The widower in many cases becomes more domestic, dealing with laundry or cooking for the first time. Please also review our Bereavement Counseling Training and see if it matches your academic and professional needs.
Miscarriage is a real loss. It is a loss of potential dreams as well as a loss of a child. The connection with the child in the womb is real and it also has emotional reactions when that bond is broken. Businesses should be more understanding after someone loses a child to miscarriage. There needs to be a proper bereavement time to process this loss.
Employees may need more time for miscarriage loss. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Miscarriage can be a bereavement, and we must reflect that in employment law” by Alex Penk, discusses why businesses need to be more understanding and work around the grief of an employee dealing with a miscarriage in the family. The article states,
“A bill to provide bereavement leave for miscarriages will soon face its first vote in parliament. It’s a subject that’s close to my heart. I can vividly remember the day, nearly six years ago, when I drove to work on an otherwise ordinary morning, sat in the car park staring at the dashboard for around 10 minutes, then drove away again without getting out. Less than 24 hours earlier I had been at home, sobbing uncontrollably, after a radiographer had kindly but matter-of-factly told us that there was no heartbeat in my wife’s womb, and the crushing grief had begun to descend.”
A type of grief that is largely looked over is miscarriage. The reality is the loss of a baby due to miscarriage can be very emotional and painful for the family expecting. Some families have difficulty getting pregnant and others deal with this type of loss due to beliefs much greater than others. Regardless though, there is always an emotional loss with miscarriage, especially for the woman who experiences it. Please review also our Grief Counseling Program
The pain of a miscarriage is something many woman face everyday. Please also review our Grief Counseling Program
The article, The stages of grief after a miscarriage, by Sabrina Zalewska states
“Much has been said and written about abortion, and about the death of a child who has already been born. But recently, there has also been a greater focus on the pain and feelings of loss stemming from miscarriage.”
No matter where one is at in life, a major death can derail one emotionally. Major deaths alter our lives and cause great pain. Beyond the pain though is the disruption if every facet of one’s life. It prevents normalcy from a day to day basis for years to come. Adaptation may eventually occur but the scar of the loss remains with us forever. Please also review our Grief Counseling Certification
The article, Dealing with major grief, death a challenge, by Dr Jim Surrell states,
“Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published her classic book, “On Death and Dying” in 1969. At that time she presented what she referred to as the five stages that most humans go through when faced with very significant personal life and death issues. In her book, she was the first to describe these five mental stages that people nearly always go through when they learn that they, or a loved one, are dying.”
