Grief Christian Counseling

Christian Spiritual Counseling and Direction: Pain, Suffering & the Merit of Suffering in Life

Posted on by Mark Moran

One of the things we naturally seek to avoid first in life is pain.  The body’s nervous system is designed to identify injury through nerve receptors warning the brain of damage through the impulse one experiences as pain.  The art of healing and medicine itself surrounds itself with the motto of “do not harm”.   Pain reduction and pain relief medications are key parts of many individuals daily consumption.  And even with grief counseling and pastoral care, counselors look to make a person comfortable and at peace-reducing pain.  Physical pain can be acute to an injury , disease or infirmity, but it can also take forms in negation, such as the absence of comfort, food, or warmth.  Hunger, coldness, or exposure can lead to great pain and discomfort.  Pain is hence the burrs of life as opposed to the glows of it.  Instead of the soft touch, it is the brute strike, instead of the gentle rub, it is the piercing blow-it is the unpleasant sense or feeling associated with discomfort or even possible damage to the body.

Christians can tie their sufferings to Christ and find redemptive value. Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Grief Counseling Program

This of course applies to one type of pain, namely physical pain.  The burr and sensation of this physical stimuli is but one negative experiences that one could equate as “pain”.   Pain and suffering as a negation of pleasure and happiness encompasses other parts of being beyond the mere body but also can affect the mind and soul.  The positive glows and sensations of love are torn away through negative burrs of isolation, separation, rejection, loss, and hate.   Joy is replaced with discontent, anxiety and depression.  Security can be met with fear or longing.  Indeed, the pains of the mind are in many ways far worst than the pains of the body.   One needs to only look at the horrendous loss experiences of a parent who loses a child, or other close losses of family and friends.  The suffering tied to acute pain is temporary and tied to a wound, but the suffering tied to a mental wound, loss, death, or trauma is tied to a life time.

The temporal world to the Christian is a fallen world tied to this reality.  It is because of the sin of Adam that death and suffering entered into human existence.  Adam’s descendants inherited the fallen world and became prey to the desolation of “this valley of tears”.  God, however, in His infinite mercy sent His only Son to redeem humanity from sin.  However, in doing so, He too suffered.  He suffered a life where the world knew Him not, arriving in a cold stable, to be ushered into a life of little luxuries while working tirelessly under His father as a carpenter.  Yet not demanding the royal life that justice demanded, He humbled Himself and in His daily life offered Himself to God in not only discomforts, but also numerous pains and aches of daily life.  He shared in a person’s daily griefs and losses.  He buried His father, Joseph, and wept over the execution of His cousin, St John the Baptist, and again wept, in Scripture, over the death of Lazarus prior to rising him.  These pains and sufferings could have alone redeemed humanity, but sin demanded so much more.  The evil world and its inclinations would not allow Christ’s escape so easy.  Instead, Christ was brutally beaten, scourge and crucified for humanity’s redemption.  Yet, through this pain and suffering that so many avoid, Christ embraced.  He embraced His cross, carried it and offered Himself.  Christ, the Suffering Servant, redeemed humanity through suffering and served as an example to those who followed how to live a holy and good life in a fallen world.   Christ told His followers to also take up their cross, but St Paul also reminds us that those who suffer with Christ, will also rise in Christ!

This is the Christian message.  It is quite different than the message of the world.  Where the world looks to avoid inconvenience and complain about misgivings, Christ teaches us to offer them up.  Where the world teaches to reject our cross or hardships, Christ teaches us to embrace them.  Where the world sees power in pride and comfort, Christ sees glory in humility and sacrifice.  Ultimately, the world’s promise is empty.  It may claim a recipe for pleasure but it fails to meet the needs of happiness.  Everything in the world can be taken away, even our loved ones.  Illusions of happiness tied to avarice and greed lead one to a false worship and bad priorities.

One may reply that such a desire to suffer is foolish and blind and quite pessimistic outlook on life, but what we will see  is quite the opposite.  The Christian approach to pain and suffering is not one of despair or loss but one of realistic optimism.  Realistic in that it acknowledges the darkness and pains of this world, but optimistic in that through Christ, there is another reality that is perfect and free from pain and suffering. Romans 8:18 declares that our present sufferings cannot compare to the eternal glory and 1 Peter 5:10 assures us that our suffering here will be little and through Christ we will be restored.  We must remember, with Christ we die, but also with Christ we rise!

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Grief Counseling Program.

A Christian View of Suffering that is Redemptive and Finds Meaning

A secular person may find it quite silly to accept pain and suffering.  He or she might also find it odd to purposely fast, or seek out discomfort.  Of course, Christians do not want to suffer, nor does God wish for us to suffer, but the reality of the temporal world is that suffering and loss occurs.  This is not because God is a cruel sadist, but because of sin.  The free will of Adam and the discord of Lucifer play the villainous reasons for the reality of suffering.  Christians do not truly seek out suffering but they accept it.  They accept it because one cannot escape the reality of it but also they embrace the opportunity it affords because it helps shape and give meaning to life.  Christ showed that suffering can be redemptive and for His followers to also take up their cross.  Scripture states, “For unto you it is given for Christ, not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him (Philipp 1:20).  Again in Gal.2:19, “With Christ I am nailed to the cross”.  St Paul exclaims “Who now rejoices in my sufferings for you, and fill up those things that are wanting of the sufferings of Christ, in my flesh, for his body, which is the church (Col. 1:24)

We are called to carry our crosses in this world

So what is the purpose of this suffering then?  If Christ paid atonement for the sins of humanity, why must humanity suffer too for those sins?  Again, Christ told His followers to take up their cross and the Apostles faced gruesome ends of execution in that path, so Christians too are called to be suffering pilgrims in this cold world.  Christ alone paid the price of sin via the redemption, but through Baptism, Christians must access the grace and merits of Jesus’ blood to their souls through a working faith and working salvation.  Faith is more than a mere assent to Christ as Savior, but faith entails fruits, for St James states, “faith without works is dead”.  This in no way dares assume that one’s works or suffering merit one’s redemption and therefore salvation.  A Christians sufferings and works without faith and grace are meaningless.   A monk could abstain, fast and offer a multitude of discomforts but none of these actions alone without Christ have any merit to his salvation.  Christ is the High Priest and sole Mediator.  He is both the Priest and Victim and the source of humanity’s redemption.  In this way, in taking up one’s cross, individuals must unite their works and sufferings to Christ.  If one fasts, or one offers up an insult, or patiently endures criticism, or fasts, or quietly endures a physical pain, they must offer these things to Christ and tie them solely to Him to offer to the Father.   When alone these gestures are meaningless and powerless, but when tied to Christ, they become salvific.  They become an application of His redemption to oneself in the form of grace to oneself or others.

As St Paul points out the analogy of  the Church is the Mystical Body of Christ throughout Ephesians, Colossians and Corinthians. Christ is the Head and the baptized are its Body and Members.  Through this, one’s sufferings is felt throughout the Body of Christ and when directed to the Head, who is Christ, then it can be used as a key to unlock many graces earned by Christ through His redemption.  One’s sufferings that are offered to Christ in this way are not part of the redemption itself, but an unlocking of it for self and others which allows one to bathe in the Blood of Christ and the merits of it.  These sufferings are then not redemptive in that it subtracts from Christ’s sacrifice or adds to it, but they allow one to share in it.  Christ alone paid for the debt of sin but our sufferings can allow one to share in it and also apply the merits earned by the cross.  In doing so, one, as stated in Romans 12:1, is able “to present your bodies as a living sacrifice”, and as Paul also points again as a “working faith” (Gal 5:6)

Through Christ, suffering then becomes redemptive and a way to apply the mysteries and grace of the cross.   Without Christ, the secular person would be correct to find the absurdity to embrace it or even seek it, but through Christ suffering is more than temporal loss and pain but a redemptive force that finds meaning alone in the death of Christ with the promise of resurrection.

This perfectly balances Christ’s lone and sufficient redemptive work but also illustrates the role working faith and suffering plays in applying that sacrifice.  Unlike the heretical theology of Pelagius, we do not earn redemption, for it is a gift alone, but unlike the extremities of Luther, we are not merely passively redeemed either.  The sacrifice was once and perfect and sufficient but we must seek it.  Scripture is clear that this starts with the assent of faith that is followed through the work of faith.  Hence all suffering we offer is not redemptive as if to add or substract from the passion of Christ or as to earn our forgiveness but it is accessing the salvation and graces earned by Christ for our sins.

Offering it Up

As stated, when suffering is united to Christ, we share in Christ’s suffering and our suffering has meaning and redemptive value for ourselves.  This does not mean it replaces, or adds, or even subtracts the pain of Christ on the cross, but it allow one to share in those sufferings of Christ and unite their own sufferings to the Father through Christ.  Without such a thing, these trivial inconveniences, or sufferings would be meaningless in the infinite vastness of a lifetime.  However, when tied to Christ, they become applicable.  They can tap into Christ’s redemption and apply its fruits to oneself or throughout the Body of Christ.  In our suffering, we are in no way becoming a co-redeemer, but merely sharing what Christ has done and applying it.  This gives great meaning to simple discomforts, or aches, when offered to the Father through Christ.  Again Romans 12:12 states “be patient in affliction”.   In addition, one can seek to atone for one’s past sins through penance and offerings to God through Christ in these sufferings.  By tying our own sufferings to Christ, we can apply more fruitfully the infinite merits of Christ to our soul and partake in the great gift earned by Christ for us on the cross.  Through offerings, one can burn in love for Christ on earth.

Offering something up without Christ is meaningless, but when we tie our sacrifice to Christ and share in His sufferings, there is great merit

One has the great opportunity to turn a product of sin into a transforming and redemptive experience with meaning beyond this world.  One can offer up one’s daily duty and all the trials and tribulations that come with it.  One can unite one’s cross with Christ and find meaning in the pain and suffering.  By imitating Christ and then uniting everything to Him as our sole Mediator and High Priest, one can spiritually transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.

In offering things up, the soul also cures the body.  The soul reasserts its mastery over the broken bond due to the sin of Adam.  The temporal body is inclined to its passions and comforts, but through offerings to God through fasting, abstaining and sufferings, one reclaims mastery over the body and teaches it discipline.  One teaches the body the disciplines of control and moderation and allows the Holy Spirit to infuse and share the virtues of purity and temperance.   The body learns to avoid lust, gluttony, greed and the comfort and solace of physical things and instead to seek the spiritual companionship of Christ.  The body then not only offers reparation through Christ for its sins but seeks to cultivate within it a more pleasing abode for the Holy Spirit.  In this way, suffering is not only redemptive but also sculpting.  Through fire, the soul is purged and made clean and as the Scripture teaches, helps the body learn perseverance, need of God and hope (Romans 5:3-4)

Still many souls seek to become closer to Christ through suffering.  They wish to share with Christ their sufferings as a simple offering to His altar.  Like Simon of Cyrene, who was called to help carry Christ’s cross, they seek to partake and share in this suffering.  Of course Simon did not redeem humanity, but he played a special role in sharing with Christ the cross, much like a server at the altar before the priest, he plays a role in preparing the sacrifice but is not the sacrifice itself.  Others wish to offer simple offerings, much like St Veronica who wiped the face of Christ during the carrying of His cross- such a simple and small consolation!  Yet, like a parent who accepts even the smallest and insignificant gift from a child, such acts of sweetness and love have great meaning.  As a parent, so does Christ find great consolation and love when a spiritual child wishes to share with Him in His grief.  While such simple consolations cannot subtract from the sufferings He endured, they can offer reparation, worship and love for what He did.   While the Romans and Jews mocked Him, we can offer to Him, especially during Lent, our sufferings and consolations.  By offering one’s sufferings as an act of gratitude to Christ, we like a small child, offer the smallest gift, but still a gift that our Lord greatly appreciates.  In that echo of history, within that timeless sacrifice of Christ, He can hear our soothing words among the hateful jeers of the crowd, and He can sense our offering, as small as it is, as a consolation and sharing with Him.

Many saints before sought to share intimately and deeply their sufferings with Christ in this way.  Some saints simply did through the most simple deeds of their daily duty, or through the quiet of an injustice, while others shared this through martyrdom and death for Christ.  Some even mystically, such as St Francis of Assisi or Padre Pio shared in Christ’s suffering through the stigmata.  These acts of charity and love for Christ from smallest to biggest all carry value when tied to Him. He finds immense joy when those who saved seek to offer love and reparation to Him by applying His death to one’s merit.

Conclusion

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification Program as well as its Christian Grief Program

Suffering can only have meaning in the fallen world and be redemptive through Christ.  Christ first set the example by not only His life but also through His cross.  His redemption was complete and satisfactory for all sin, but not all people accepted this great gift for their sins.  When we offer up our sufferings, alone they are meaningless, but when we offer them in union with Christ, we apply the merits earned on Calvary by Christ for our soul.  In this way, random acts of the day, as well as suffering, when united with Christ, permit the soul to share in the sufferings of Christ and also apply its merits for reparation.  Christian tradition teaches that one must carry his or her cross and that one who suffers with Christ will rise with Christ.  This gives new meaning to suffering and its redemptive power.  Christ conquered death through His resurrection and turned suffering into a redemptive quality that when tied to Him becomes a pleasing sacrifice to the Father.  We can actively partake, share and apply the merits of Christ to our soul as well as offer acts of charity to the crucified Christ for such a gift.  In this way, suffering has great merit to the Christian as well as granting meaning and definition to the most senseless and painful things.

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification as well as its Christian Grief Counseling Program.

Additional AIHCP Blogs

Christian Suffering and Job- Access here

Christian Suffering: A Unique Theism- Access here

Faith and Loss- Access here

Additional Resources

John Paul 2 (1984).  “Salvifici Doloris”. Access here

Understanding Suffering in Christian Life. Bible Hub. Access here

Pastor David. (2025). 35 Important Bible Verses About Suffering As A Christian (Explained). Bible Repository.  Access here

Grief Counseling: Coping with the Death of a Co-Worker

Posted on by Mark Moran

 

I. Introduction

The death of a co-worker is a profound event that can significantly impact the emotional and psychological landscape of the workplace. Such an experience not only triggers the natural processes of grief but also stirs feelings of confusion, anxiety, and vulnerability among employees. In light of the challenges presented by contemporary work environments, particularly amidst the backdrop of crises like the COVID-19 pandemic, the need for effective coping mechanisms becomes even more paramount. Studies indicate that workplace factors play a crucial role in moderating mental health during such traumatic events; employees may experience heightened anxiety and depression as a result of job insecurity and interpersonal disruptions ((Giorgi G et al., 2020)). Furthermore, the development of supportive practices, such as team communication and peer support, can foster psychologically safe spaces crucial for healing ((Blake H et al., 2020)). Thus, a structured approach to coping with the death of a co-worker is essential for maintaining workplace morale and productivity.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification.  Click here
The loss of a coworker can have numerous effects on employees emotionally, physically, mentally and also professionally

 

A. Importance of addressing grief in the workplace

The impact of grief in the workplace can be profound, influencing not only individual employees but also organizational culture and productivity. When a co-worker passes away, it can create an atmosphere of sorrow and tension, leading to potential declines in morale and performance. Recognizing and addressing this grief is imperative for leaders, as it fosters a supportive environment that allows employees to process their emotions. As highlighted in (Rathnayake S et al., 2021), the psychological distress caused by loss can impede workplace functioning, making it essential for managers to implement support mechanisms such as counseling and open discussions. Furthermore, the economic and social disruptions related to the COVID-19 pandemic have underscored the necessity of recognizing grievances as a crucial aspect of coping with collective trauma, as noted in (Margaret C Campbell et al., 2020). By actively addressing grief, organizations can maintain team cohesion and promote resilience among employees during difficult times.

 

B. Overview of the impact of a co-worker’s death on employees

The death of a co-worker can profoundly affect employees, often manifesting in emotional, psychological, and occupational dimensions. Grief in the workplace not only disrupts interpersonal relationships but also impacts overall productivity and morale. Employees may experience a range of emotional responses, from sadness to anger, which can lead to increased absenteeism and decreased job performance. The void left by the deceased can also alter team dynamics, challenging collaboration and communication efforts. Furthermore, the modern context, amplified by crises like the COVID-19 pandemic, underscores these issues as workplaces increasingly confront psychological health challenges amidst loss (Cort W Rudolph et al., 2021). Addressing the needs of grieving employees is crucial for organizations to foster resilience and maintain a supportive environment. By implementing strategies that acknowledge grief and promote wellness, employers can help mitigate the negative impacts of such losses on their workforce, as outlined in comprehensive well-being frameworks (N/A, 2021).

 

C. Purpose of the essay: to explore coping strategies and support systems

Coping with the death of a co-worker necessitates not only personal resilience but also strong support systems within the workplace. Individuals often encounter complex emotional responses, including grief, anxiety, and depression, which can be exacerbated by the work environment and broader societal issues such as the COVID-19 pandemic (Giorgi G et al., 2020). Effective coping strategies may involve creating open channels for communication, allowing employees to share their feelings and concerns. Furthermore, implementing structured support systems, such as peer support groups or employee assistance programs, can facilitate healing by fostering a sense of community and belonging. These initiatives are crucial in mitigating the emotional distress that arises from loss, as evidenced by the overwhelming care responsibilities faced by colleagues of the deceased (N/A, 2023). Ultimately, cultivating an atmosphere of support and understanding can significantly enhance coping mechanisms, thereby promoting a healthier workplace following a traumatic event.

 

II. Understanding Grief in the Workplace

Grief in the workplace represents a complex emotional landscape that significantly influences employee performance and morale. When a co-worker dies, the resulting emotional turmoil can disrupt team dynamics and lead to a decline in productivity as colleagues grapple with their loss. Recognition of this phenomenon is critical, particularly in high-stress environments such as healthcare, where employees often experience overwhelming psychological distress during crises, such as the COVID-19 pandemic. The pressure faced by healthcare workers has highlighted the need for effective psychosocial support systems to help individuals cope with both the physical and emotional ramifications of their roles. Addressing grief becomes essential not just for personal healing but also for fostering a supportive workplace culture that mitigates the effects of such loss. Establishing support mechanisms, including counseling services and open communication, can play a pivotal role in helping employees navigate their grief and maintain workplace efficacy, as reflected in the recent studies on frontline workers (Billings J et al., 2021), (Rathnayake S et al., 2021).

It is important to communicate with fellow coworkers and watch over others after a co workers death. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

A. Common emotional responses to the death of a co-worker

The death of a co-worker often elicits a range of emotional responses among their colleagues, affecting workplace dynamics and individual well-being. Grief is the most prevalent emotion, commonly manifesting as sadness, shock, and confusion. Many individuals struggle with feelings of guilt, questioning whether they could have done something to prevent the tragedy. In addition to personal sorrow, employees may also experience anxiety about job security and workplace stability, particularly if the deceased played a significant role within the organization. The impact of such a loss extends beyond immediate emotional responses, potentially leading to long-term mental health issues, including depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in some cases. Furthermore, workplace support systems, or the lack thereof, can significantly influence how employees cope with these feelings, highlighting the importance of effective communication and supportive relationships during such difficult times (N/A, 2023), (Primavera A Spagnolo et al., 2020).

In addition to the profound shock and disbelief, death anxiety is reality for many shaken by a sudden death.  For those who witnessed the death at work, or heard about the death, or even if the coworker died at home, there will be varying levels of anxiety.  In some cases, individuals at work may be present for the death and have a more traumatic experience and face death imprint and more severe death anxiety.  Others could possibly face PTSD issues.  In addition, a sudden loss and the anxiety associated with it can push a person into a variety of mental anxious states that manifest physically and emotionally.  The loss can also mentally affect coworkers on their own views about death as well as rekindle past losses.

In regards to the professional relationship, some co workers may have survival guilt, or feel guilty in general about unfinished projects, arguments, or merely thoughts about the coworker.  It is essential for management and employees to discuss these emotions as well as ways to handle workload in a compassionate way. Ultimately, employees need to be able to discuss the loss, receive counseling and commemorate in some way the deceased.

 

B. The role of workplace culture in shaping grief experiences

The influence of workplace culture on the grief experiences of employees following the death of a co-worker is profound and multifaceted. A supportive workplace environment fosters open communication and emotional expression, allowing individuals to navigate their grief more effectively. Conversely, a culture that stigmatizes emotional vulnerability can exacerbate feelings of isolation and distress among grieving employees. Organizational responses, such as memorial services or grief support programs, can significantly impact how team members cope with loss, illustrating the need for a compassionate approach during such crises. Importantly, research indicates that socio-economic factors and gender can mediate individuals mental well-being when confronted with environmental stressors, suggesting that a diverse and inclusive workplace culture is crucial ((Hayward G et al., 2021)). Therefore, promoting an empathetic workplace culture not only aids in the grieving process but also reinforces a collective resilience that enhances overall team cohesion and morale in the face of loss.

 

C. Differences in grief responses among individuals

Understanding the variations in grief responses among individuals is crucial when addressing the death of a co-worker. Grief is inherently subjective, shaped by numerous factors such as personal history, relationship dynamics, and cultural background. For instance, one employee may exhibit visible signs of sorrow, such as tears and withdrawal, while another may respond with anger or even a sense of relief, particularly if the deceased struggled with prolonged illness. These differing responses can be further complicated in emotionally charged environments, such as healthcare settings, where workers frequently face mortality. The COVID-19 pandemic has intensified these complexities, revealing significant mental health challenges among healthcare workers, a group that has shown resilience yet remains vulnerable to grief and trauma (Manchia M et al., 2021). Despite their critical role in pandemic response, the individuality of their grief often goes unrecognized, leading to a pressing need for tailored psychosocial support strategies (Billings J et al., 2021).

It is also important to notate the nature of the loss in regards to responses.  Sudden losses can trigger shock and disbelief and also sometimes complicated reactions.  Complicated grief while only affecting 10 percent of people thrives in situations that are not expected or normal.  In sudden loss of a co-worker, there is a chance and ingredient for complications in the grieving trajectory that should be monitored closely by those affected by the loss.

 

III. Coping Strategies for Employees

The death of a co-worker can severely impact employee morale and mental health, necessitating effective coping strategies within the workplace. One pivotal approach involves establishing a support system that fosters open communication, allowing employees to express their grief and seek support. Research suggests that structured support mechanisms, such as peer groups or counseling services, can significantly alleviate the emotional burden following a colleagues passing, reinforcing that access to professional help is crucial ((Heineman et al., 2009)). Furthermore, organizations can implement wellness programs to help employees develop resilience, addressing the stress associated with loss. Understanding that stress, as defined by Dr. Hans Selye, is an inherent aspect of life, employers should create an environment where employees feel safe to discuss their experiences and emotions, thus promoting a culture of collective healing ((Brown et al., 2019)). Ultimately, these strategies not only aid individuals in coping but also strengthen team cohesion during challenging times.

Instead of isolation, teams and coworkers need to come together to help each other heal and adjust to the loss of a coworker who has suddenly passed away

 

A. Personal coping mechanisms: self-care and emotional expression

The emotional turmoil following the death of a coworker can be profound, necessitating robust personal coping mechanisms such as self-care and emotional expression. Engaging in self-care practices—such as maintaining a regular schedule, exercising, and seeking social support—can facilitate both recovery and resilience during this challenging period. These activities help to mitigate stress and promote overall well-being, allowing individuals to process their grief effectively. Moreover, emotional expression through conversations with trusted colleagues or professional counselors can serve as a therapeutic outlet, fostering a sense of community and shared experience during mourning. For instance, reflecting on memories of the deceased, or participating in memorial activities, can aid closure and reinforce social bonds. Acknowledging the emotional burdens often experienced by caregivers and the workforce in general, as noted in (N/A, 2023) and (Primavera A Spagnolo et al., 2020), emphasizes the importance of adopting comprehensive coping strategies in the face of loss.

 

B. Seeking support from colleagues and friends

Dealing with the loss of a co-worker? Well, turning to colleagues and friends for support? Absolutely key. It’s a coping thing, right? Helps build resilience and start the healing process. Chatting openly about grief? Creates a shared understanding, and look, it builds a sense of community among employees going through the same tough stuff. This camaraderie thing? It’s especially important at work. Relationships formed? They can provide emotional relief and practical help during difficult times. Plus, acknowledging the grief together helps create a supportive vibe where people feel okay showing their feelings. This support is crucial not just for feeling better, but for mental health. Just think about the mental health impact on healthcare workers during COVID-19. The calls for psychosocial support became super urgent, (Billings J et al., 2021). And ultimately, leaning on colleagues and friends can ease that deep feeling of isolation that often comes with these kinds of tragedies, (N/A, 2023).

 

C. Utilizing professional resources: counseling and employee assistance programs

The emotional impact following the loss of a colleague can be deeply significant. Therefore, the use of professional support—think counseling and employee assistance programs (EAPs)—becomes key for building resilience. These resources act as vital lifelines; they give immediate emotional support and guidance when people are having a hard time processing their grief. Counselors in EAPs, often specializing in bereavement, give employees coping mechanisms suited to their individual experiences. The COVID-19 pandemic has also made the need for structured support even more apparent (Cort W Rudolph et al., 2021), given challenges like heightened work stress and the blending of work and home life. Companies that promote counseling access help in individual recovery. These companies also build a supportive work environment promoting employee well-being, and that helps to lessen the long-term consequences of loss in the workplace (Rocard E et al., 2022).

Certified grief counselors are a good way to find help.  Business and management can have a certified grief counselor come for training meetings and briefly speak about grief and loss and help facilitate better communication.  AIHCP certifies many professionals in the area of grief counseling.

 

IV. Supporting Colleagues Through Grief

Supporting colleagues navigating grief after a co-worker’s death requires a mindful strategy. Team dynamics, productivity, and individual well-being can all be severely impacted by the emotional toll of such a loss. Thus, organizations should prioritize psychological support and open communication; creating this type of environment is of the utmost importance. Recent mental health discussions highlight just how important such support is, particularly when it comes to the mental health of healthcare workers who experienced trauma and loss during events like the COVID-19 pandemic (Billings J et al., 2021). A multisystem approach suggests that both individual and communal adaptive capacities play a crucial role in resilience when coping with grief and promoting healing (Ann S Masten et al., 2020). Organizations, by prioritizing collective grieving and building structured support, can cultivate a more compassionate workplace. This benefits the emotional and, ultimately, the operational health of the team.

 

A. Creating a supportive environment for grieving employees

When considering workplace resilience and overall well-being, cultivating a supportive atmosphere for employees experiencing grief is really important. Grief affects each person uniquely, and as such it often has an impact on both how productive someone is and their emotional state. It’s critical for organizations to recognize this. Providing both structured and more casual types of support—things like bereavement leave and access to counseling—plays a vital role in aiding employees as they work through their loss. Moreover, when a workplace embraces openness, colleagues can show empathy and offer support, helping to reduce feelings of loneliness at what’s a tough time. Literature emphasizes that the support offered by employers not only helps the individual develop coping mechanisms but that there is a need for legal structures to promote systemic changes in how grief is accommodated professionally (Bloomer et al., 2010). Employers who focus on a caring approach can foster a climate where those who are grieving feel valued and supported. Ultimately, this improves morale and productivity in the workplace (Gerdt et al., 2018). Prioritizing the well-being of grieving employees represents a vital element of organizational harmony and health.

Self care and reflection is important after the death of a colleague or co-worker

 

B. The importance of open communication about grief

When a co-worker passes, creating avenues for workplace conversations centered on grief is essential. Specifically, these open dialogues provide a means for staff to articulate their emotions, which helps lessen the feelings of being alone and helpless that can often accompany loss. What’s more, a transparent environment around grief promotes healing as a group. People can then support each other, learning from each other’s experiences. As research indicates, healthcare professionals dealing with the intense pressures of the COVID-19 pandemic described feelings of anger, of betrayal, and isolation – feelings that stemmed from not being able to talk openly about their problems. The range of emotions these workers experienced reinforces why businesses must focus on mental health; they must build an environment where talking about grief is encouraged and met with real understanding, which helps people cope and leads to a healthier work environment (Billings J et al., 2021), (Iheduru-Anderson K, 2020).

Communication about the loss is so important. Teams need to keep an eye on each other and ensure everyone is grieving on a natural trajectory. This is not only important for the emotional wellbeing but also the sustainment of the business itself.

 

C. Organizing memorials and remembrance activities

Following the passing of a colleague, arranging memorial services and remembrance events emerges as a really important part of how a workplace collectively deals with grief. These gatherings give employees a chance to celebrate the life of the person who died, and at the same time help build a stronger sense of community and shared understanding among coworkers. Memorials, broadly speaking, might include things like candlelight ceremonies, sessions where people share memories, or even brief moments of silence during the workday to think about the loss. Participating in these kinds of activities generally leads to healthier ways of coping, giving people chances to express their sadness in places where they feel supported. Furthermore, as some research points out, the emotional consequences of unexpected losses—for example, the death of a client in social work—can be quite significant, requiring ways for people to release their feelings and get support (Kolochuk S, 2023). When companies make these kinds of remembrance practices a regular thing, they not only show that they understand and value the feelings connected to the loss but also encourage strength and unity among everyone involved (Bartulovi Ać et al., 2023).

Ultimately, coworkers will also need to support the family at the funeral and share their condolences.   This is an important place for co-workers to also meet and discuss the loss.

 

V. Conclusion

When we think about how deeply a co-worker’s death affects us, it’s clear that employees can feel a lot of emotions, so we often need to find specific ways to help them. Studies show that healthcare workers often feel a lot of grief, not just for themselves, but also because they see the families they help going through bereavement; because of this, it’s really important to understand how this all works. Teaching self-care and coping techniques in training programs can really help staff become more resilient when they experience these losses, which shapes their work experiences in good ways (Bagatell R et al., 2016). Also, building a setting where people can talk openly and support each other can lessen feelings of loneliness and hopelessness among workers dealing with these issues, as seen in the success of peer support groups (AKUROMA et al., 2016). To sum it all up, knowing and dealing with the emotional and professional effects of losing a colleague is key to keeping the workplace positive and working well.

Please also review AIHCP’s Bereavement Counseling Training and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Issues surrounding the death of a co-worker need addressed for the overall health of employees and the business. Please also review AIHCP’s Bereavement Counseling Training

A. Recap of the importance of coping with grief in the workplace

Addressing grief in the workplace is something that really matters, especially when a co-worker passes away. It really has a big impact on employees as individuals, and also on how the whole organization functions. Staff who are grieving might have a hard time emotionally, and this can affect how well they work, how they feel about their jobs, and how they get along with others. Think about the COVID-19 pandemic; healthcare workers were under so much stress, facing all kinds of mental health problems while caring for patients. This really brings home the point that we need solid support systems (Billings J et al., 2021). Dealing with grief well at work can help create a supportive and strong environment. It lets employees work through their sadness while still doing their jobs. Also, what frontline nurses went through during the pandemic showed us how crucial it is to have access to support, training, and counseling. This helps lessen the mental strain caused by loss (Rathnayake S et al., 2021). So, putting strategies in place to support grieving employees isn’t just the right thing to do; it’s also a key part of keeping things running smoothly and maintaining good productivity at work.

 

B. Encouragement for fostering a compassionate workplace culture

Dealing with the loss of a co-worker underscores the crucial role of a compassionate workplace culture in supporting the emotional health of the remaining staff. An empathetic environment enables colleagues to grieve together and encourages open communication about their emotions. Organizations really need to focus on the psychological wellbeing of their employees. As recent research points out, when this isn’t a priority, it can seriously affect employees and the quality of patient care (Bamforth K et al., 2023). Moreover, recommendations such as those from the National Academy of Medicine emphasize the necessity of having structured support systems that boost mental health and resilience among employees (Mangurian C et al., 2023). When organizations actively promote a culture of compassion, they not only ease the pain of loss but also improve overall workplace morale and productivity—showing that caring for each other is key when navigating shared grief.

 

C. Final thoughts on the long-term impact of support during grief

To summarize, providing support during times of grief makes a significant difference long term, especially when people are dealing with the complicated emotions that come after a co-worker’s death. Good support systems help lessen feelings of loneliness and encourage better ways of coping, which allows individuals to deal with their loss in a constructive manner. Recent studies have really driven home the fact that mental health takes a hit for frontline workers, making psychosocial support all the more important. Sharing stories and feelings in a group setting becomes crucial (Billings J et al., 2021). Not only does this kind of support build resilience, but it can also stop more serious psychological problems from developing, such as the moral injury and burnout that are often seen in high-stress jobs (Heather A Lillemoe et al., 2021). In the end, creating a space where talking about grief and its related struggles is seen as normal can greatly improve employees’ emotional health, helping them recover as they go through their personal grief journeys.

Additional AIHCP BLOGS

Vicarious Trauma : Click here

Additional Resources

“Coping with the Death of a Co-Worker”. Be Well at Work. University of Berkeley.  Click here

“Coping with the death of a co-worker” APA.  Access here

“How the Death of a Coworker Can Affect the Team and How To Cope With It”. MVT. Access here

“Death of a Co-worker”. (2013). What’s Your Grief. Access here

Grief Counseling and Native American Populations Video

Posted on by Mark Moran

Cultural competency is important in counseling. Grief counselors or any counselors need to be aware of their own biases and beliefs as well as how they are perceived by diverse populations.  They also need to be adequately trained in target populations to better help them.   Native Americans have their own unique strengths, challenges, history, traumas, and cultural expressions that need to be understood to better help them in counseling.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

 

Stuck in Grief Video Blog

Posted on by Mark Moran

Some individuals remain in grief longer.  Some because of prolonged grief or in other cases depression, while others develop maladaptive coping strategies that keep them in acute grief longer.  It is important to realize one never recovers from grief or loss because the object or person lost was loved, but one does learn to adjust and process through the acute grief phase.  Those who do not usually do not because of poor coping and views on the loss.

This video looks at maladaptive coping, subjective and objective reasons, and various pathologies why some individuals cannot escape the acute phase of grief.  Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study with mentorship as needed and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.

 

Spirituality and Grief Video

Posted on by Mark Moran

Spirituality is an important part of grieving for many.  For some it may be a source and anchor to help adjust to the loss, while others it may be a source of comfort and helps reframe the loss to a greater ending that is eternal.  Sometimes, spirituality if maladaptive can also cause issues in the grieving process and this can cause internal and existential havoc for the person as he or she tries to connect belief with loss.

While many grief counselors may be hesitant to discuss spirituality in secular settings, spirituality and its role should in each individual should be understood and the utilization of any outside resources within the community to help aid in a person’s healing should be encouraged.

Please review the video for further information and do not forget to review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.

Multicultural Counseling Video Blog

Posted on by Mark Moran

 

Multicultural counseling competency is important in counseling.  Counselors need to be diverse in understanding how culture, race , creed, age and gender play a role in how a client will respond to them.  Counselors need to be also aware of their own internal biases.  With good cultural understanding, the counseling relationship can become enhanced and help the client heal and grow.  Please review the video above to learn more about multicultural counseling,

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification, as well as its numerous behavioral health certifications in Christian Counseling, Spiritual Counseling, Anger Management, Crisis Intervention and Stress Management, as well as Life Coaching, ADHD Consulting and Meditation Instructor.

 

Strategies and Prompts in Helping Others Grieve

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief is a life long process.  Individuals deal with grief or loss to some extent on a consistent basis throughout life. The more significant losses remain with individuals and the ability of the individual to process the loss, understand it, incorporate it and exist with it are key to normal grieving styles.  Those in the field of grief counseling on both the non clinical and clinical side need to sharpen their talents in helping individuals process the loss in a healthy way and be able to find continuing meaning in life.  This involves not only understanding the various therapies on the more broad spectrum of treatment but how to micro handle daily sessions with individuals with minor positive interventions.  Hence while one may employ CBT as the broad approach to help one heal, the daily encounters and how these encounters occur, allow the overall therapy to take root finds its productivity in certain skills and abilities.   Some of these skills deal with how the grief counselor reframes thoughts, repeats words, shows empathy, or other verbal strategies to help emphasize certain parts of treatment, but positive interventions during treatment involve notation of certain parts of the journey within the inner dynamics of whatever treatment.  As the person tells their grief story, finds self, relationship, memories and continuity within the grief story of one’s life, the counselor plays a key role in highlighting these points.

Grief Counselors can help individuals find meaning in loss through various strategies and interventions throughout the process.

 

 

Junietta Baker McCall’s text “Bereavement Counseling: Pastoral Care for Complicated Grieving” lists a variety of positive strategies and helpful interventions in chapter 7.  She discusses how the therapists or grief counselors can help guide the person in the person’s grief story, sense of self and relationship, and the building of memories and continued continuity in healing through various prompts and interventions during sessions.  These insights go far deeper than a general discussion of a therapy, or utilization of counselor skills, but look at certain points in therapy at a much more micro level where the grief counselor can better help the person through a particular session and goal.  She states that specific strategies and interventions can be “used to respond to grief … and suggest possible ways to engage the grieving individual (McCall, J. 2012, p. 223).

 

 

Strategies in Narrative Therapy

Grief Narrative is a therapy within all overall models of CBT, Psycho Dynamic or Humanistic approaches.  It is the re-telling of the person’s loss and trauma.  It is where everything begins in the healing process.  It permits the person to vocalize the inner feelings and share the loss.  It permits communication and healing and allows for reframing and eventual change in understanding the place of the loss within the person’s life.  Obviously for it to be successful, depends not only the story being told but how the grief counselor is able to guide the individual.

Counselors should utilize the story as a way to develop a caring model relationship that enables them to understand their client.  The story needs to be encouraged to be told no matter the sadness and shared.  In doing so, the grief counselor should grant the person space and time to comfortably tell the story.  The grief counselor should repeat words that need repeated for the person to hear his/her own words echo, as well as show empathy and interest in the telling of the events.   In this way, the grief counselor shows engagement and can later model future healthy grieving models (McCall, J. 2012, P. 225).

Throughout the story, it is important for the grief counselor to accept the therapeutic nature of the grief story.  What matters most is the here and now of the story, not what others think.  At this moment, the important part of healing is the subjective truth of the story to the person.  How does the person feel at this moment in the here and now (McCall, J. 2012, p. 226).  Remain empathetic throughout the story and remain an advocate for the person as the story continues and upon completion of the story within the session, ask the person if the story has been told to the person’s satisfaction.  Upon completion of the story, share observations, address emotions and remain honest in assessments with possible referrals or information to help the person continue the story for next time (McCall, J. 2012, p. 228-229).

With guidance, the story’s initial subjective truths can correlate with objective reality.  The person may recognize various issues within the story, such as blame, or guilt, or anger that once existed that no longer should exist.  In addition, one can begin to reframe the loss within an objective truth as the person heals.

Regaining Self and Connection

Within the grieving process, many times, the person loses sense of self.  One may have had such dependence upon the other that one can no longer function.  Maybe one identified as a spouse, parent or position and when these things are taken, a person loses this important self image.  Again, obviously various CBT or Humanistic Approaches to help cognitively reframe or heal broken images can be utilized, but it is within the smaller bits of communication with the bereaved, where one moves from one point to the next.

It is critical to address and measure a person’s sense of self within sessions.  Asking questions that relate to a person’s self image and how a person may feel since the loss.  Maybe the person is withdrawing from hobbies or no longer finds interests.  These are important notations that can help one measure if one’s sense of self is damaged due to the loss.   McCall recommends utilizing the term loneliness not to just mean when one is alone but a feeling that can occur in any circumstance.  In addition, she uses the term isolation to refer to any inner experience to withdraw from others (2012, P., 237-238).  The grief counselor while helping the person’s self re-find itself, needs to also help the person find relationship with others.  The counselor can describe ways for the bereaved to reach out to others and in what ways

Reclaiming Memories and Meaning

Grief healing occurs when old memories are properly collected, understood, and properly recalled with the present and possible future.  One is able to find meaning of the loss, no matter what it was, and able to tie the loss together within the chapters of one’s life.  The loss has meaning but does not define completely the self or person.  The person continues with the loss, albeit in a healthy way.  The person is able to build new relationships and write new chapters, despite the existence of the loss.

Helping individuals understand memories and how they connect to meaning and healing are important in grief work. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

In helping individuals, whether through CBT or Humanistic Approaches, grief counselors can pay close attention to particulars and emphasize and carefully monitor certain aspects of this transition during sessions.  It is important to see the gradual transformation of the bereaved throughout the process.  A good grief counselor will see when certain parts are not lining up and where to intervene and help the client proceed to the next important step of adapting to the loss.

The grief counselor should utilize all mind, body, soul connections tied with ritual and belief.  These ideals within the person can play key roles in anchoring the person with meaning in the loss. It is also at this point to ensure the bereaved understands the value of working through grief and that while the first step is to survive the loss, there is so much more beyond just surviving (McCall, J, 2012, p. 252-256).  McCall points out it is crucial for the person to understand that surviving the loss is vital to growth but it still not quality of life.  As the person recognizes this survival, the person will start to set aside other destructive maladaptive coping habits.  These habits need addressed in any counseling.

The grief counselor can help the person progress by asking the client to discuss how it was before the loss.  In addition, discuss current accomplishments, as well as offer encouragement.  Ask the client to fantasize what one hopes life to be like in the future (McCall, J. 2012,. p. 257).

In remembering, teach clients that memories can be unbearable and that is OK.  Ask the client what the memory means to him/her.  Let the client know some events make no sense in life and cannot be made into order.  Let the client know he/she cannot change the memory or event, but he/she can learn to grow with it.  Use other examples of similar stories of how others coped, or present ways to help put an intrusive thought to the back mind.  Helping individuals focus on issues when it is safe instead of intrusive and inopportune times helps the person handle emotion and bad memories (McCall, J. 2012, p. 260).  As time progresses, help the person reframe bad memories for more positive outcomes and valuable ways to see the past so one may move forward to the future.

Finding meaning in the present and future also means recognizing healing.  So many times, one only focuses on the trauma, but it is equally important to focus on healing and transformation. McCall recommends to help the person focus on the mystery of life.  Let clients know that they have control of their lives and can dictate what the future holds.  Help clients identify healing moments without guilt.  Let individuals know beyond being aware of healing moments to embrace them, pray for them , hope for them and practice gratitude when they occur (2012, p. 265).

It is interesting to note that Aaron Antonovksy famous for his theories on “salutogenesis” which emphasizes health as something more aligned with well being than focus on pathology speaks of the importance of coherence in health.  For well being and health to exist, he points out three key elements that I feel are important to reframing grief and finding meaning.  He first lists comprehensibility as the belief that things/stressors/loss happen in an orderly fashion.  Obviously, world views can be shattered with grief and any type of well being is destroyed initially after loss.  Secondly, Antonosky points out manageability as crucial to well being in the belief that one has the ability and skills to cope with stressors or loss.  In stress, when an organism is over-whelmed, then breakdown begins, so it is not surprising that Antonosky would point out that for well-being, one must be able to manage stressors or loss.  Finally, he lists meaningfulness as source of coherence and well being.  Meaningfulness is what defines a person’s existence and why one pushes forward.  In grief theory, when meaning in life is loss, then well being suffers.  It is the purpose of grief counseling to help the person adjust to loss by again finding meaning in life with the loss.

Conclusion

Helping individuals throughout the grieving process involves identifying issues and helping people one step at a time. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

Sense of meaning is critical to overall health.  Without a sense of meaning, health itself can suffer.  So when sense of meaning is restored and connected with past, present and future, then true adjustment can occur.  Grief Counselors play a key role in helping individuals regain this balance and sense of health.  It is sometimes in intense sessions where minor observations and interventions occur that grief healing occurs.  It does not occur immediately, but results in multiple months and sometimes years, helping the person adjust to the loss in a healthy way.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.

Reference

McCall, J. (2012). ‘Bereavement Counseling: Pastoral Care for Complicated Grieving”. Routledge

Additional Resources

“Salutogenesis”. Wikipedia.  Access here

Sutton, J. 2018. “10 Grief Counseling Therapy Techniques & Interventions”. Positive Psychology.  Access here

“The psychology of grief – applying cognitive and behaviour therapy principles”. InPsych 2011 | Vol 33. APA. Access here

Kelly, L. (2021). “7 Grief Therapy Techniques for Coping”. TalkSpace.  Access here

 

Last Rites Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

From a spiritual and religious perspective, ritual has a soothing effect on the dying as well as the bereaved family.  It symbolizes comfort and peace in the uncertainty.   Spiritually, Last Rites as a series of sacraments manifest within the soul a particular grace received that helps the person prepare for happy death.  Confession, Communion and Anointing constitute this series of religious rituals.

Christ Himself gave comfort to the dying and in the story of Lazarus not only comforted the family but brought him back to life.  As one of His greatest miracles, Christ showed mercy and compassion.  Last Rites can have physical miraculous effects but this is rare and far between but exists more so for the spiritual wellbeing of the soul.  The mental and emotional side effects are also important for both the person dying as well the family surrounding the person.

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification as well as its Christian Grief Counseling Program for already existing grief counselors.  Both programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals.

In addition, please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Certification for those who work within in the ministry of the dying.

Christian Counseling: Faith and Loss

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

One’s faith is a critical component to self identity.  It is a world view that acts like a compass when times of trouble occur.  It is an anchor that keeps the person in place as the various “isms” of the world alter society.  Hence, when loss challenges world view or spiritual belief, the person can find him/herself in an existential crisis.  Many with spiritual and religious background respond strong to loss with certainty and faith, but when faith is misplaced, or when the loss is traumatic, there can be mild, moderate or even severe faith challenges to the individual.

Christianity as a faith plays the same psychological basis as any faith for a person with a world view.  A Muslim, Jew, or Hindu can weather the storm of loss and grief from a psychological standpoint if their faith plays a key role in identity of the person.  Likewise, spiritual individuals who may have no religious affiliation can also have strong roots in facing adversity.  In addition, even atheists or agnostics, although subject to possible turmoil more than spiritually based individuals, can also have world views that allow them to show resilience in loss.  Obviously, family and communal support plays a key role as well, so to merely judge one’s resilience on faith alone without considering support can lead to disparities.

Faith is a powerful tool in helping grievers find peace and healing. Healthy faith gives connection to God, beliefs and others within the community and helps one readjust and find meaning in the loss

In conclusion, for most, faith and ritual play critical roles in helping individuals understand the loss and its suffering.  Rituals help heal wounds and find closure but also understanding and hope.  Religion offers hope and reunion beyond the temporal world.  It gives a sense of meaning to why we suffer or what we must do.  Faith also gives individuals the sense of being loved by a Divine Being who cares and hopes to heal them.  These are critical aspects of resiliency due the connection with God, meaning and a community of believers.  However, when spirituality is unhealthy, things can go drastically wrong.

A Healthy Faith and Loss

There is also discussion in loss how much a role spirituality plays versus religious.  This stems from healthy versus sick faith.  A devout religious person or a devout spiritual person both have strong views that can help them through loss but also those views can become more adversely challenged when bad things happen.  We hear many definitions of individuals who are spiritual but not religious, or we see on the other hand, individuals who are only outwardly religious but have no spiritual personal life.  I find both imbalances unhealthy and more open to potential pitfalls during loss (if looking at faith and loss alone without any other factors).

The spiritual but religious motif is usually a response to anger towards organized religion.  One is suspect to it or has had a unhealthy encounter with it.  This prevents communal, ritualistic and dogmatic tenets to emerge in the person’s world view.  The person becomes his/her own existential religious guide in determining faith world views.  The person is deeply committed but not held to an objective standard in many cases.  The person is usually also more isolated from communal religious bonds.

The purely overt religious but lacking spirituality is an equally dangerous road.  The person is more concerned with show and communal approval.  The dogmas are more about identity than true motivating source to act.  It creates a proudful and pharisaical image that dominates unfortunately American politics and Christian nationalism. It is faith without love, but also faith without true foundation.

The proper balance is the personal and communal that incorporates the individual’s piety with the collective dogmatic creed and ritual of the religion.  It balances the arrogance of religious identity but also prevents the subjectivity of wandering spirituality that self serves one’s own desires.  It is religion in public and private worship perfectly balanced.  An individual who preaches and who also practices one’s faith is a far more healthy spiritual person and one more adept at handling loss and grief.  They have identity, ritual and communal support but also deep spiritual understanding of the ritual and faith and it nourishes the soul.  It is not a subjective self chosen diet of faith but one that rests upon the tenets of a faith handed down for generations.

Hence healthy faith is critical in responding to loss.  Religious and spiritual individuals may respond to loss in very positive ways due to their faith but when faith is not healthy, it can derail the grieving process in mild, moderate or more serious ways.

Issues in Faith and Loss

Christian Counselors, Pastoral Counselors or Grief Counselors when dealing with faith based individuals and loss should always tread easy when first discussing God and loss with a distressed individual. Individuals experiencing loss are no longer intellectual at first.  They are in a state of shock and numbness.  This follows with denial and an array of emotions, which include sadness, anger and even guilt.   Incorporating a comment as “Your child is now with God” or “Your husband is now in Heaven” can cause a very angry reaction towards God.  This is not unnatural to have anger towards God.  It is not unnatural to doubt God or question God even.  Within the first days of emotional distress, this mild adverse reaction which occurs with some believers, even with the most profound faith is not something to be overtly concerned with.

Individuals may only briefly question, or this questioning may persist through the depressive stage of grief as one tries to understand loss and organize it with life’s narrative.  This is especially true in more traumatic incidents, when a parent loses a child, or an entire town is destroyed by a tornado.   It becomes quite difficult through the depressive and mourning stage to understand God’s presence.  Not everyone can show patience like Job and that is OK.

When the loss challenges the faith and doubt emerges, complications within the grieving process can occur. Usually unhealthy faith is more vulnerable to spiritual complications in grieving but it can occur to anyone

Obviously as pointed out, those with an imbalanced faith, poor foundation of faith, or no faith are more subject to negative spiritual reactions about God and the loss.  Obviously, one has to take into account support systems and the level of the loss in regards to reactions that are mild, moderate or severe but for most part, those with kinks in the armor of faith are more subject to moderate or severe negative spiritual reactions when dealing with a loss.

In addition to imbalance of spirituality and religious, a lack of understanding of faith can play a key role in negative experiences.  Individuals who see prayer as a magic bean and God as a genie willing to grant wishes face a far more difficult grief reaction that an individual who recognizes prayer as communion with God.  Likewise, individuals who consider their power of prayer as a sign of their faith and a correlation of their relationship with God are also more subject to negative spiritual reactions in loss.  Prayer when it is seen as a contract and not a covenant with God creates a distortion of faith.  Instead of seeing God as a genie that grants or does not grant, individuals need to see God as a Father who walks and comforts us.  Can God grant our prayers?  Yes, but does He always, no!.

Faith that has a strong understanding of the human condition and suffering is key.  Within Christianity especially, suffering is seen as part of a fallen existence due to sin.  In Christianity, God becomes human and suffers with humanity.  Jesus Christ shows individuals that God’s will is not always the easiest or least painful but one that is necessary.  If Christ Himself suffered, what can we expect?  In the Christian faith, Christian Counselors can utilize the motif of Christ as “Suffering Servant” who suffered first as an excellent coping example when loss and grief occur.  Christ suffered first.  However, with that suffering and death came also victory.  Christ conquered death and rose.  So shall all who suffer in Christ, shall rise in Christ.

So while many individuals may feel abandoned or betrayed by God, like Job, like Christ, one can find light at the end of the tunnel.  Even Christ, felt abandoned on the cross.  It is OK to feel this and important to express it, as Christ Himself expressed.  In the Garden and on the cross, Christ felt completely alone and abandoned, but pushed forward in faith.  Hence, when we feel alone or abandoned in loss, we must realize that Christ is with us and it is important to emphasize this in Christian Counseling when dealing with loss.   Christ is not always here to take away the cross, but He is definitely here to help one carry it.

Finally, in addition to misunderstanding of suffering, those with an unhealthy faith have key misunderstandings of the essence of God Himself.  They can easily fall prey to the philosophical traps of the atheistic world which challenges God.  The famous query, “How can a Good and All Powerful God permit suffering?” is all too used in atheistic and agnostic circles without rebuttal.  If God is good then suffering should not exist, but if suffering exists, then He must not be all powerful, for a good being would never permit suffering.  So the atheist or agnostic leaves the suffering individual with only two false options.  Either God is not all good and a sadist being, or He is not God and not powerful enough to stop evil and suffering.  This two answer only option is the trap.  The fact remains, God is both good and all-powerful, but suffering and evil exists because He created intelligent beings in His image with the ability to do good or evil.  Evil and suffering is a result of free choice not God.  God does not wish to prevent freedom to love or hate because that would be the ultimate rejection of human and angelic freedom.  The source of evil is choice, not a good God and God’s power is not in question as He permits the consequences to carry out in a fallen world.

Interventions in Spiritual Complications with Grief

The stages of grief are outlines of human experience with the grieving process.  They obviously are not always linear.  They can skip steps, revert back to former steps and oscillate between each other in intensity.  Different individuals, depending on a variety of subjective circumstances react differently to different losses, but we can form a basis for understanding of the universal reaction to grief and draw a blue print of what is healthy and what is not healthy.  When spiritual complications arise, it can derail the grieving process.  Spirituality as something that is usually a anchor and help in healing can, as stated, create mild, moderate or even severe complicated grief reactions.

In the first stage, individuals respond with shock, disbelief and denial.  Even the most devout and spiritual person will feel the shock and pain of the loss.  How could this happen?  With emotion swirling, intellect and what one consciously believes can sometimes be swept to the side.  The individual may question God, or become angry with God.

For many, mild complications of grief and spirituality can lead the person back to God with more strength realizing their dependence upon God

As grief and the reality of the loss sets in, the individual enters into the dark night of sadness and pain.  Some will find consolation in faith, while others may feel a desolation.  Some may feel abandoned by God.  This is not necessarily a complication but a natural reaction to loss.  In this desolation, is there a merely a feeling of “Where are you God”, or is a more intense belief that God does not exist at all, or even a reaction of hatred towards God.  While it is still too early, especially considering the varying natures of loss to consider anger towards God or disbelief in God as a severe reaction, it still nonetheless a mild reaction that could complicate spiritual readjustment later.  It should be closely monitored to see how it develops in the spiritual life of the person.

In the despair and pain of loss, individuals go through three phases of spiritual reconnection.  McCall, in her text, “Bereavement Counseling: Pastoral Care for Complicated Grieving” points out the trials of despair, discernment and conversion during the process of mild, moderate or severe estrangement from God.  She mentions that during the despair moment, some individuals never reclaim the peace and joy of God, but instead remain haunted by the loss and a emptiness with God.  They are unable to reconcile from the depression and pain, a logical bridge between the loss and their worldview.

It is following this phase, that discernment occurs.  The individual either continues breaking down his/her worldview and its incompatibility with the loss, or finally finds guidance from grace or the aid of others to connect the loss with faith and the world view.  This leads to renewed energy to seek forgiveness from God.  Others discover how much they need God in the loss and despair.  Sometimes in the darkest days, we discover how much we need God by our side.  We realize that we cannot stand alone but need God.  This recognition can lead to a deeper and stronger faith.  However, sometimes, it can complicate things with guilt for how one behaved or create a pseudo response where one accepts one’s world view but still nonetheless with less energy and commitment as before.  If not, this continues to lead further breaking down of the worldview and faith. When answered it leads to the renewal of faith and rituals, but if does not occur, then the person is unable to reintegrate the faith into one’s life at this point.

These steps are clearly seen in C.S. Lewis’ “Grief Observed” where Lewis experiences the spiritual battle between his faith and the pain and loss of his wife.  He writes about his despair and depression and journals his anger and sense of abandonment.  (Clearly exhibiting a mild spiritual existential crisis in his life)  He however in later chapters discerns the loss, reconnects it with God, and finds meaning.  He then reintegrates his faith with the loss.

After suffering, individuals enter the final stages of grief which involve acceptance of the loss.  McCall lists a two fold process that involves re-organization as well as recovery itself, albeit recovery is a false word in grieving.  Adjustment seems to be a far better word in grieving because no person truly recovers from loss but only learns to adjust to it in healthy ways with meaning.  In the case of spirituality, one is able to connect the meaning of loss with their faith and incorporate again a healthy relationship with God via former spiritual practices.  However, complications in spiritual grief become severe when this stage is unattainable.  The individual does not recover his/her faith in God but instead either hates God or completely denies His existence.  In even more adverse reactions, removal of all memories of the faith before, including images or statues occur, as well as a bellicose attitude towards religion or anyone who holds a religious view.  The person refuses to attend rituals or pray and has completely removed their previous held worldview.  The ability to tie the loss with their previous worldview is impossible.  This causes a complication in the grieving process that prevents the person from finding peace or readjusting to the new narrative in a healthy fashion.

As the parable of Christ states, sometimes the seed of faith falls in fertile ground and can overcome all adversity while seeds that fall in thorny ground are never able to produce fruit.  This is sometimes the sad reality but as Grief and Christian Counselors, we can try to help individuals in the infant stages of loss with support and love.  During the later phases of searching and yearning, we can emphasize the true nature of suffering, its meaning, and how Christ suffers with us.  It is important to help and encourage healthy grieving practices that are adaptive and not maladaptive.  Support and care can prevent further despair and help the person find gratitude and hope in others and again in God.  It can help individuals realize that God is still present despite the loss.

Conclusion

Faith is usually an important anchor in grief adjustment but sometimes due to a variety of reasons it can complicate the grieving process. Faith that is healthy gives connection and meaning to the grieving person to a Deity or Higher Power, as well as worldviews and a communal support system.  However, sometimes faith and the loss cannot find meaning and when this occurs an existential crisis can complicate grieving.  When previous held beliefs are no longer integrated and tied to the loss, then readjustment into life can become difficult and complications in grief can arise.  It is important to identify issues that may arise in spiritual and religious people at the earliest phases and help not only counsel and educate but give them hope that life continues.  Christian and pastoral counselors as well as grief counselors can help spiritual individuals find hope in loss.

Christ is the ultimate examples for Christians when dealing with loss and pain. Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification

Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Christian Counseling.

For certified grief counselors, please also review AIHCP’s Christian Grief Counselor Program.  The program explores grief, loss and suffering from a Christian perspective.

References

C.S Lewis. (1961). “Grief Observed”

McCall, Junietta. (2012). “Bereavement Counseling: Pastoral Care for Complicated Grieving”. Routledge

Additional Resources

Mendoza, M. (2020). “Complicated Spiritual Grief”. Psychology Today. Access here

Williams. L. (2022). “The Missing Link: Spirituality and Grief”. What’s Your Grief.  Access here

Feldman, D. (2019). “The Power of Rituals to Heal Grief”. Psychology Today.  Access here

“Easing grief through religion and spirituality”. (2015). Harvard Health Publishing.  Access here

 

 

 

 

 

 

Psychodynamic Therapy and Emotion

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

For many experiencing complications with emotion, notably grief or anxiety, individuals turn to therapy.  Not all loss is simple and sometimes emotion itself is far from simple or easy to identify its source.  Anxiety and depression plague individuals and can have crippling effects on their mental health and social interaction.  Therapists and licensed counselors usually turn to some type of medication to help balance the neurotransmitters in the brain or hormones in the body.  Others will also look to cognitive behavioral therapy to help articulate the issue from a rational way, introducing adaptive coping strategies, better responses and overall reframing.

Psychodynamic therapy looks at the subconscious root of depression and how to unblock the healing for better relationships with others.

Psychodynamic Therapy

Professionals from the Freudian school also can utilize Psychodynamic therapy which can also have equal benefits in helping individuals not only with deeper pathologies but also depression and anxiety.  Psychodynamic Therapy looks within the person’s emotions and past to help decipher the reasons for depression, anxiety or emotion.  Stemming from Freud, the idea suggests that all emotion or behavior stems from one’s subconscious and also partly early childhood experiences.   Through various internal mechanisms both inherited biological and learned through experience, one learns to balance these emotions and feelings but when imbalance occurs, anxiety can result, which can also lead to subconscious repression.  Psychodynamic therapy looks to the unconscious to find these events that has caused these unconscious feelings that are now manifesting in one’s life.

Through this process, the therapist hopes to discover the root of the issue, identify it and help the person learn from it.  The person then is guided to the root cause of his/her issue and learns how this unconscious feeling is causing havoc in one’s life and how to better regulate it.  This involves a type of talk therapy where the patient discusses their feelings and the therapist attempts to discover the source of the emotional imbalance.  Erick Erickson, a disciple of Freud, introduced how emotional issues can arise when individuals do no meet certain eight stages.  His psychosocial approach identified 8 stages of development within human life from infancy to old age and how two opposite outcomes can occur when needs and goals are not met.  Individuals who do not successfully meet certain needs or goals experience regression or incompleteness manifesting in depression or anxiety.  Therapists with psychodynamic therapy can help guide individuals discover unconscious feelings about certain events that can lead to deeper reasons why someone feels depressed, angry or anxious.  Sometimes, individuals may not be able to form relationship bonds, or have trust issues.  These issues usually are a result of some earlier childhood experience that once identified and discussed can find ways to better resolve it.

These types of talk therapies usually last anywhere from 40 to 45 minutes once a week and can continue for a few months or up to a year.  The key within the process is to uncover the root cause for the emotional balance within the subconscious mind and help identify it.  This allows the person to recognize the issues and its root and better move forward without repeating the same mistakes.  With understanding of the source, better ways to respond to it, and coping mechanisms, one can better find balance and move forward. In essence, one can understand the emotion, recognize patterns caused by it and form better relationships from this enlightenment.  The therapy looks to unblock one from the past and allow one to move forward.

Comparisons and Differences Between CBT and Psychodynamic Therapies

While looking more at emotion, this therapy differs from CBT which obviously looks at unhealthy ways of thinking and how one can reframe and better oneself.  Both CBT and Psychodynamic therapy can look at better ways to manage how we react to things, but they have different starting points.  Both are considered effective methods, but it ultimately it depends upon the person.  It also can depend upon the type of trauma.  Proponents against Psychodynamic theory may contend it takes away free will due to the unconscious drive, but one can modify the strict Freudian values and say emotional trauma at early age can greatly affect a person decision making but not necessarily strip one of conscious decisions.

CBT offers reframing solutions to perceptions and ideas one faces.  It looks to remove distortions of reality and how to better reframe it and respond.  Psychodynamic may be better at explaining the deeper cause of it but both methods look to understand the emotion and find better ways of dealing with it.  In essence, Psychodynamic looks to find what is blocking a person from proceeding forward and ends, while CBT looks at how to cope with the issue through a variety of adaptive coping methodologies.  Some therapists may only use one pure form, or combine the two, with one helping the person cope and then later delving into the source of the issue.

A good example of someone facing deeper pathological issues with depression and self image would to be utilize CBT  and Psychodynamic therapies.  With CBT, the therapist would set out to dismiss from an intellectual standpoint the false image of self that is destructive.  Therapy would look to help the individual realize the distorted self view and then offer ways to think differently when low self esteem emerges.  It would point out that low ideals of self are not true and how to better deal with these thoughts through meditation, journaling or other self affirmative practices.  It would teach one to better reframe these distortions.  The Psychodynamic portion would investigate the source of the low self esteem in earlier life, the emotion itself, how to manage the emotion, and proceed in relationships. Once the unconscious source is identified, the individual could better understand why one feels a certain way, recognize patterns and triggers for the emotion and form healthier bonds.  In this example, while not purely one therapy, one can see the benefit of both schools of thought being utilized.

Conclusion

Human beings are complex emotional beings.  We have a intellect and will.  We are rational and emotional.  According to Freud, we are torn between internal impulses and external systems.  Subconscious and conscious events can occur which create a variety of imbalances.  How we find balance depends on what therapy is best for us.  Talking therapies, like CBT and Psychodynamic are useful therapies to help from emotional or rational standpoints.  Sometimes, talk therapies are also supplemented with medications to help any neural or hormonal imbalances as well.  Ultimately, Psychodynamic therapy is a an excellent option for some.

Psychodynamic therapy has Freudian roots. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

Please also review AIHCP’s behavioral certifications, especially its Grief Counseling Certification.  While grief counseling is clearly not a pathological type of counseling because it deals with a direct loss, it can sometimes turn pathological and require a licensed professional.  AIHCP certifies both licensed and unlicensed human service professionals who offer different level of services within grief.

Additional Resources

“CBT vs. Psychodynamic Therapy: What’s the Difference?” Zencare.  Access here

Mcleod, S. (2024). “Psychodynamic Approach In Psychology”. Simply Psychology.  Access here

Davis, K. (2023). “How does cognitive behavioral therapy work?”.  MedicalNewsToday.  Access here

Dresden, D. (2020). “What is psychodynamic therapy?”. MedicalNewsToday.  Access here

Cherry, K. (2023). “What Is Psychodynamic Therapy?”. VeryWellMind.  Access here