grief counseling certification

Memory and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Memory

As sentient beings, the human person is composed of past and present events that construe identity.  Without a process to recall who one was, then one loses the sense of self.  While metaphysically, the wholeness of the individual still exists, the physiological ability to recount past events due to dementia or brain damage can play a detriment to the past self.  The process of retaining the past and what has been learned is referred to as memory.

Emotion, grief and loss are powerful agents in memory. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Memory is critical to existence of any organism.  The memories can be explicit or implicit.  Both are extremely important.   Explicit memories refer to one’s conscious memories that are retrieved with effort.  They include semantic and episodic events.  Semantic refers to factual knowledge, while episodic refers to events.   The implicit memory is automatic and can recall more primitive and conditioned responses without effort to recall.  These include space and time, motor and cognitive skills and natural reactions learned from classical conditioning.   Explicit memories are short term stored in the Hippocampus and long term stored in the cortex, while implicit memories are stored in the more primitive areas of the brain in the Cerebellum and Basal ganglia. These types of memories permit one to live day to day knowing one’s conscious past self as well one’s automatic responses and skills that are imbedded within one’s subconscious.

When an event occurs, our senses interpret the data and the brain encodes, stores and when needed later, retrieves.   The neurons in the brain form various interconnections and physiologically capture the abstract thought.  In this amazing transfer of abstract to material, memories are kept.    Some information is stored temporary in short term memory but more important life events are stored in long term memory.  Obviously, the more important the event, the more long lasting the memory.  In fact, in intense, traumatic, or critically important moments, the emotional part of the brain and the Amygdala reacts to an event.  The body produces more glucose for better brain activity and the event and subsequent memory has a far strong imprint upon the person.

In the case of severe trauma, a smaller percentage of the population is unable to store the memory properly and it becomes fragmented and unable to store to the point where it is not properly integrated first with the Hippocampus and then later with the cortex hence resulting in PTSD.  The fragmented memory hence becomes a haunting event that is triggered via sound, scent and place and can manifest in flash backs or nightmares and night terrors.

Memory and Loss

Obviously, some of the most intense memories are loss.  When someone a loved one passes away, the vivid nature of the memory is more strong due to the emotional connection and the reaction of the Amygdala to the situation.  This leaves a very vivid memory.   One can relate to the most detailed accounts of an emotional event, to the event itself, but also side details of the what one felt at the moment, the surrounding environment and people present, while other past memories not emotionally charged or almost completely forgotten and if remembered only in a foggy way.  The emotion involved in losing someone charges the brain so much that the memory remains very strong.  In fact, the neural networking between neurons is much stronger in an emotional memory.

This is good and “bad”.  It is good because it is a critical moment in one’s life but it is “bad” because it causes more pain when retrieving it.  Obviously, I put “bad” in quotations only because of the distress associated with the retrieval but very few would ever trade an emotional memory of such critical importance no matter how sad.  Hence when recovering from a loss, the memory remains vivid and strong and can be retrieved consciously but also through automatic functioning via scent, sound or place.   In many ways, the brain does not wish to forget the event and this is why the more intense the attachment, the more intense the loss reaction.  The brain clearly understands love and attachment and it holds very dear the memory of that attachment and has evolutionary designs to ensure the connection beyond the event.

The Amygdala signals emotional reaction associated with a loss hence creating a stronger imprint on the brain’s memory of the loss. This is why the memory remains strong and with someone going through grief and loss

 

While some memories may hurt, many during the grieving process fear the loss of these memories.  While memories of loss are painful, they connect one to the lost loved one.  The fear of losing those memories is like losing the person again.  Sometimes, individuals will fear even losing the memory of loved one’s face, smile or voice.  Fortunately, the strong neural networking for important events allows one to hold tight to the treasured memories of a loved one.  Even after reconsolidation, when memory is retrieved and reviewed again with the possibility of altering before being stored again, is less likely in a intense traumatic or eventful memory.

While memory is still not perfect due to injury, or forgetfulness over time, many individuals who lose a loved one are encouraged to memorialize the loss.  This is not only critical in acknowleding the loss and also celebrating the relationship in a healthy coping way, but it also permits one to submit additional records beyond one’s memory.  A written log in a journal, pictures, or a tribute of some type all strengthen memory of the deceased and ensure a written record of one’s loss.

In addition, sleep and dreams at a subconscious level maintain memory.  During sleep many things are encoded into the longer term memory.  In dreams, information is processed but also neural networks are strengthened.  Unfortunately, traumatic events are also relived albeit in symbolic form.  The loss of a loved one is remembered in dreams as the brain recollects the emotional event. While most dreams of a deceased loved one are merely the working of the brain while one sleeps, many contend that in dreams the loved one comes to them in a spiritual way due to the subconscious state of the mind.  Many religious and spiritual views contend that dreaming is not only remembering but also a way the deceased can communicate.  While empirically this is not possible to test, those of faith maintain these experiences.   Science in this case cannot negate or confirm, hence one is left to faith and one’s own subjective experience and belief.

Conclusion

Memories are critical to self.  The most important memories and life events are fortunately emotionally charged and hard to forget.  This plays a major role in how one processes grief and learns to adjust to the loss itself.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals

 

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Reference

“Exploring Psychology”.  Myers and DeWall. (2019).  Worth Publishers, New York.

Additional Resources

“Healing Your Brain After Loss: How Grief Rewires the Brain”. (2021) The American Brain Foundation.  Access here

“What Does Grief Do to Your Brain?”. Pedersen, T. (2022). Psychology Today.  Access here

“GOOD GRIEF: HOW MOURNING CAN AFFECT YOUR MEMORY”. Lundstrom, J.  SimpleSmartScience. Access here

“Emotions Can Affect Your Memory — Here’s Why and How to Handle It”. Swaim, E. (2022). Healthline. Access here

Negative Coping

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Negative coping can make grief worse than it is.  It can lead to later complications.  It is hence important to do grief work.  It is important to acknowledge the loss and work with it.  This may involve some bad days but it is working towards an adjustment of living without something or someone.  By avoiding the loss, or doing more uninhibited activities, or taking pills or drugs, one is ignoring the loss and problem.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling

Attachment Disorder Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Human bonds are very important since human beings are social.  When bonds are not formed properly in early childhood, the effects on the personality of an individual can be devastating.   Individuals can have difficulty forming healthy and trusting relationships with other individuals.  It can affect relationships and other social bonds with friends and family.

Some individuals may have inhibited or uninhibited attachment disorders which avoid intimacy or form superficial and fake relationships without substance.  Some may exhibit more avoidance while others may display an extreme anxiety with others.  This has tremendous affects on loss and grief as well because it forms complications when a person passes away.

The video below discusses the topic of attachment disorders in greater detail.  In the meantime, please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Please review the video below

Grief on the Brain

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief effects the whole entirety of the human person.  The emotional aftershocks of a loss are so emotionally devastating that the after shocks rock the brain and in turn physically rattle the body.  Individuals who lose a person they loved hence experience a total reckoning as the body looks to readjust and recalibrate to the loss itself.  When this occurs, the brain itself is rewiring itself with neuro pathways to associate with the loss and initial unprocessed and raw feelings.  These raw feelings  surge from the amygdala and trigger a variety of neurochemicals within the brain that deal with the loss and pain of someone dying.

Grief and loss have a staggering effect on the brain. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Like stress, the flight or fight response is activated which increases the heart rate, raises blood pressure and produces cortisol to deal with the stressful and painful trauma of losing someone.  This of course gives more free reign to the amygdala over the reasoning area of the pre-frontal cortex.  This is what leads to more emotional outbursts, less reason, less memory, and less concentration itself.  In reality, the brain and its entirety of parts is in some way responding to the loss itself.

The article, “How does grief affect the brain?” by Joe Phelan looks at the many issues associated with the brain’s reactions to loss and the after effects upon the human body.  The article is strongly based off Lisa Shulman, a Neurologist who studied extensively the effects of grief on the brain.  According to Shulman,

“The amygdala [the brain’s center for emotions], deep inside the primitive part of the brain, is always on the lookout for threats,” Shulman said. “When triggered, it sets off a cascade of events that put the entire body on high alert — the heart speeds up, breathing rate increases and blood circulation is increased to the muscles to prepare to fight or flee.”

“How does grief affect the brain?”. Joe Phelan. January 8th, 2023. Live Science

To read the entire article, please click here

Grief Work

Helping the brain heal is what grief work is all about.  Grief work helps re-create new neuro pathways that can associate other connections with the deceased that are not only associated with the death itself.   The brain, evolutionary, will long the absence of a loved one.  This is critical for survival, so naturally it takes time to create new neuro pathways that are beyond simply mourning and trying to find the one who is no longer present.  The yearning is a direct result of this and until adaptation manifests and new neuro pathways with new experiences are paved, then one remains in deep grief.

Rewiring one’s neuro pathways in relationship to the loss involves grief work and reconstructive narratives of one’s life

 

When Pro-Longed Grief occurs or more severe grief due to trauma, complications can occur which can keep the brain trapped in acute grief.  The unprocessed and raw emotional pain, similar to memories and sensations in PTSD, are not processed into long term memory.  This can lead to longer grieving periods until the information and memory is properly processed, stored and new neuro pathways allow for different connections with the deceased.

It is hence a sad tragedy when grief literally kills one of a broken heart.  When things are not processed, adjustments not made, the constant chronic state of fight or flight can produce extra stress on the heart and blood pressure itself.

Reworking Neuro Pathways

Meaning reconstruction is key in helping rework neuro pathways in the brain that associate the loss in a new perspective but also allow memory to properly be processed within the brain.  This helps prevent intense emotion that oscillate with more frequency and intensity in the early stages of the brain from continuing to do so many months later.  Meaning reconstruction also helps create a new narrative regarding the deceased, re-establishing a new relationship not found in the temporal world.  It also helps connect the loss with the present and future, as if chapters within a book.  The past chapters of the person’s life and the deep connection with parent or spouse are still integral parts, but those relationships are adjusted and understood in new ways of the person’s next chapters.

Ways to begin to carve out new neuro pathways include journaling and memorializing.  Through these two grief works, one is able to remember and honor.  The words on paper can help the person adjust and the new memorials can help them cherish the past but also strengthen the bond in its new form.  Grief work is tough but throughout, the brain begins to form new connections and grief leaves its acute stage and enters into a far less disruptive force.

Does this mean the loss goes away?  The sense of loss never leaves.  The connection in the brain and memories can trigger intense emotion, but these triggers are natural and not pathological as in cases of PTSD or depression.  As long as love once existed, then the loss will always have meaning and tears can emerge at a moment’s notice.  This is not bad but is the result of an emotional scar of losing someone very dear and special.  It is to many individuals a sign of their undying love and reminder of the value of the person no longer present.

Conclusion

To understand more about how grief effects the brain, please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Training

 

Grief has a profound effect on the soul, mind and body.  It takes time to adjust to it without ever truly healing. However, like all wounds, despite the scar, one heals.  Retraining the brain so one can again emotionally function is the aspect of grief work.  Adjustment is essential and new neuro pathways are key to that adjustment.  With so many false ideas about grief and myths regarding it, individuals can grasp in the chaos of loss longer than they need to.  Grief Counselors can help individuals suffering from the trauma of loss and help guide them through the difficult process.

Please also review The American Academy of Grief Counseling’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.

Bibliography

“How does grief affect the brain?”. Joe Phelan. January 8th, 2023. Live Science

Additional Resources

“How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal”. Berly McCoy. December 20th, 2021. NPR. Access here

“How grief rewires the brain and can affect health – and what to do about it”. Michael Merschel,  March 10th, 2021.  The American Heart Association. Access here

“What Does Grief Do to Your Brain?”. Traci Pedersen. May 6th, 2022. Psych Central.  Access here

“How Grief Changes the Brain”. Sophia Dembllng. August 18th, 2022. Psychology Today. Access here

 

 

Grief Support Vs Clinical Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief care and support is a key element in mental health.  It is not a pathological treatment but a humane way to be there for another person.  This is why it is lay and pastoral in nature within church, chaplaincy, hospice, funeral, and other pastoral settings.  Many professionals help individuals deal with basic human loss and how to come to terms with it.  AIHCP certifies many individuals to help others in this adjustment to loss and how to understand the nature of grief and loss itself.

There is a large difference between grief support and clinical grief counseling. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program

 

AIHCP’s certifications also aid others who are clinical professionals who wish to obtain a Grief Counseling Certification.  However, licensed and clinical professionals are innately able to offer more than basic lay and pastoral grief counseling but can offer clinical counseling for grief that goes off the rails.  When grief becomes pro-longer, complicated or depression exists, clinical and licensed counselors are needed to help and aid.  Those who obtain certification in grief counseling but are only lay in nature cannot offer clinical assistance in grief itself.

It is important to understand these key differences between lay and pastoral grief counseling via grief support and licensed and clinical grief counseling itself.  This is one of the most numerous questions individuals ask when becoming grief certified.  They do not understand the differences between grief support and clinical grief counseling and what a certification in grief counseling permits them to perform.  Again the answer is simple, ones certification enhances understanding in the grieving process but the level at which one helps others is determined not by the certification but the professional status of the individual seeking certification

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification.

 

Please review the video below

Middle Age and Change Video

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Change is a part of loss.  Any loss of something incurs the debt of change and adjustment.  Aging is no different.  After adolescence, midlife is a difficult time for many men and women. The loss of youth itself can play a large role in anxiety and loss.  Greying hairs, loss of hair, wrinkles, gained weight, and lack of past athleticism can cause grief and sadness.  In addition, reflection on missed goals, lost opportunities and failures in life can play a impactful role on how one views oneself.  Still, even more so, lost of family and new family roles can terrify some individuals.

Change occurs in middle-age and how one copes means the most. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

These shocks and adjustments can lead to negative coping where individuals revert to immature behaviors, utilize drugs, avoid responsibilities, purchase lavish things or pay for expensive surgical procedures.  Positive coping reflects and adjusts in a mature fashion.  It may look to accomplish goals that were abandoned or re-calculate where one is in life.  It may also help individuals better appreciate what one has or even reflect on the advantages of middle age over early 20s.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling

 

 

Please review the video below

Ambiguous Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Ambiguous Grief is a loss that cannot find closure.  It often involves dealing with someone in coma, possesses a mental disorder that prevents them from living a fulfilling life, or cases of abduction, missing children, missing pets, or soldiers lost at war.  The person is unable to find closure in processing the type of loss.  Some give up hope because holding on hurts too much, while others never surrender.  Numerous emotions erupt in this type of loss. Individuals may be enraged or feel guilty.

Ambiguous grief and the pain of not knowing prevents closure. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Some look to find meaning in the loss through social activism and helping others find closure.  Overall, it is a grief ripe with complications that haunts the person the rest of his or her life.  It is good to allow those who wish to hold on to hope to continue within realism, while others who need to let it go, to finally let it go.  Depression is very common with this type of loss so in many cases extensive counseling and support is needed.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification

 

Please review the video below

Attachment Disorders and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Human beings are social creatures by nature.  They need care and nurturing in their infancy to properly form bonds with caregivers.  These bonds teach security and help bolster individuals and their social development with others they meet.  Future intimate relationships and friendships are dependent upon initial bonds.  Healthy and secure bonds with the primary caregiver translate to healthier social interaction in the future.

John Bowlby, famous psychoanalyst, worked extensively in the area of attachment.  His attachment theory today remains a benchmark for understanding individuals who suffer various attachment disorders stemming from their infancy and early childhood.

Infants need trust and security in forming early bonds. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

The article, “What Is an Attachment Disorder?” by Amy Morin examines the various types of attachment disorders.  The article discusses the origins of attachment disorders, the types, and how they manifest during childhood and later in life.  Morin states,

“An attachment disorder is a condition that affects mood or behavior and makes it difficult for people to form and maintain relationships with others. These conditions usually begin in early childhood, but attachment issues may also persist into adulthood.  Attachment issues are not an official diagnosis, but people use the term to refer to an insecure attachment style in adults. Adults with insecure attachment styles may express avoidance or ambivalence in relationships or behave in disorganized or inconsistent ways.”

“What Is an Attachment Disorder?”. Amy Morin. November 14th, 2022. VeryWellMind

To read the entire article, please click here

Commentary

Attachment disorders can play havoc with individual’s future relationships and how they form future bonds.  It is so critical to give little children the love and nurture they need.  When a child’s needs are not met, they can lose trust.  Without trust, the child is becomes untrusting and unable to trust other caregivers or form other bonds.  Bowlby noticed this in his observations of little babies that were cared for when they cried or were hungry as opposed to babies that were left to cry by their parents or their needs were not met.  This created unhealthy bonds with the caregiver and proceeded forward.  What should have been a healthy bond that is trusting and secure, the child exhibited lack of trust and various insecurities.

Clinical Attachment Disorders

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders recognizes two distinct types of attachment disorders.  They both are due to lack of care and needs met at a young age and both exhibit insecurity and lack of trust but they manifest differently.  The first is Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder in which the child and later the adult exhibit problems forming true and lasting relationships with others but will look to form superficial bonds that are not permanent.  In children, this is displayed with a lack of shyness around strangers or other adults.  In teen years, they may outwardly form relationships but they are unable to find connection with others and true meaning.  This obviously can lead to many superficial issues.

Children can form avoidant or anxious type disorders when healthy bonds are not formed.

 

The second type of attachment disorder is Reactive Attachment Disorder.  The child and later adult are unable to form new bonds with anyone.  They are quiet, untrusting of caregivers, and avoidant of forming new relationships.  Many are unable to form the necessary connection to have any type of meaningful relationships.  They in turn will jump from relationship to relationship without having any true connection or meaning.

Characteristics of Attachment Disorders

Insecure attachment disorders form due to the lack of security that most children receive at an early age.  Without the security and love, the child grows into new relationships with serious trust issues.  Anxious-Insecure Attachment is the labeled term.    The child exhibits with the primary caregiver a very needy and clingy relationship that pushes for and craves attention but due to the lack of emotional support leads to the numerous issues of mistrust and anxiety in adult relationships.  Anxiety apart from a partner develops and a range of issues can erupt within the relationship itself.  These individuals can become very possessive and clingy in a relationship.

The other spectrum involves Avoidant-Insecure.  This behavior as opposed to clingy and anxious behavior looks to avoid.  These types of children avoid future relationships with adults and as adults, themselves, have a difficult time ever forming permanent bonds with another person.  As children they will look for others to meet needs and form superficial bonds.  They will become unhealthy independent of others.  In future relationships, they can elusive or afraid to commit.

There are also a variety of Disorganized-Insecure attachments where rage or emotion overtake individuals or chaotic anxiety.

The Importance of Secure Attachment

Obviously life is about relationships and social bonds.  A secure attachment permits trust. In turn a healthy attachment permits one to be trusting, open, available, sensitive, responding and accepting to others.  Those without form bonds that are clouded in emotional rage, distrust, anxiety and avoidance.

Unhealthy bonds carry into adulthood and Anxious-Insecure or Avoidant-Insecure disorders can manifest in men and women

 

In grief and loss, attachment is key.  The greater the attachment, the greater the loss and adjustment.  Individuals who have healthy relationships grieve the loss but with less complications due to emotional barriers that prevented the relationship from being more healthy.  If a parent passes, an adult who has a attachment disorder may have conflicting emotions regarding the loss and not process the loss the same way as a person with a healthy relationship and bond.  The sting of grief is still great within a normal bond and could still due to other implications become complicated, but unhealthy attachments can bring other emotional baggage.  Grief Counselors who are not licensed need to recognize possible attachment disorders and refer individuals to licensed counselors who can better help them with the complications of the loss.

Helping Children with Attachment Disorders

Beyond therapy from a licensed counselor, children can benefit from consistency, schedule and establishing boundaries.  It is important to discuss emotions and how one feels.  The goal is to help the child feel some sort of security with guaranteed promises and actions to meet the needs that were not met before.

Conclusion

Forming secure bonds with a young infant and toddler is key to helping the child develop future healthy relationships

 

Individuals who due to lack of care in infancy and young childhood will experience avoidant behaviors or anxious behaviors in future relationships.  They will have difficulty forming healthy bonds with others.  Grieving the loss of others can also become more complicated when attachment disorders are present.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.

Additional Resources

“4 Types of Attachment Disorders”. March 23, 2017. The Holy Mess. Access here

“Types of Attachment Styles and What They Mean”. Rhona Lewis. September 25th, 2022. Healthline. Access here

“What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder?”. Amy Morin. October 11th, 2021. VeryWellMind. Access here

“Attachment” Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today.  Access here

The Grief of Mid-Life Crisis

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Age is a constant in life.  From the moment of one’s conception, there is biological change taking place.  One continues to change and age and grow physically and mentally and throughout each phase in life there are new challenges and expectations.  The ability to adjust and alter with change and aging is key to a happy life but certain phases in life can come with more emotional disruption.  Usually one’s teens is the first phase of large change as one leaves childhood and enters into teenage years and young adulthood.  The multitude of changes both physically, mentally and emotionally are extensive as one learns how to become an adult and take on responsibility, all the while forming an identity.

Aging and change to previous held concepts of self are the triggers to a Mid Life Crisis.

 

Very close or even equal is mid life.  Mid life change differs in that it does not look to form an identity but it actually reviews one’s identity and also the existential reality of that identity.  One is faced with the notion of life and death itself.  This can lead one into what is referred to as a Mid-Life Crisis.

Phases of Midlife Crisis

There are three phases to a Mid-Life Crisis.  First, the trigger.  Whether it is a death in the family or one’s own existential awareness, something triggers this state of alert to change.  Deaths of loved ones, children moving out, new family structures or even one’s own perception of self due to change can trigger a Mid-Life Crisis.  Whether this trigger causes an awakening or crisis is how one views the changes or how well they are able to adjust.  The second phase is the acute crisis.  During this phase, one experiences the fear, doubt, anxiety and changes that correlate with these feelings.  The final phase is the conclusion, where answers or adjustments are made to correct the imbalance to the non finite loss.  Like everything in change, loss and grief, one must find adjustment to the new normal.  How well one can cope and accept the person in the mirror and make the necessary adjustments in a non pathological way determine the success of the transition.

Triggers for Mid-Life Crisis

Like adolescence, middle age brings multiple changes in life.  For both men and women, this means potential weight gain.  Wrinkling, greying and balding are also physical changes also come with steep emotional prices.  Individuals begin to see themselves differently in the mirror.  The avatar they have envisioned themselves as for the last Twenty years is fading.  This type of loss regarding  youthful appearance can vary among individuals but it is a change that eventually some need to accept.

In addition, energy levels drop affecting one’s once athletic abilities, or also sexual drives.  This change in physiology can be a difficult time, as difficult it is for teens during their years of change.  What can become confused in this lost of identity and begin question oneself.  Confidence can drop and anxiety and depression can set in for some.  For most, it is only an uncomfortable transition of acceptance, but for some, it becomes a roller coaster ride of extraordinary crisis.

With this non finite type of grief and loss, one is sought searching and longing for the past.  One is in search of the symbolic Fountain of Youth.  Some may attempt to fabricate change through miracle drugs, or surgical procedures to attempt to recapture that look.  Others will attempt to revamp their entire robe ward .  In itself, these attempts to stabilize confidence can be innocent and non harmful but when these attempts overwhelm an individual to drastic change and dangerous procedures, then one may need to seek counseling or help.  One may also need to speak to grief counselors or even licensed counselors when one’s self esteem is becoming dangerously tattered from these physical changes.

Some enter into Mid Life Crisis through more mental perceptions.  One may become dissatisfied with their progress in life.   Unfilled happiness or goals may begin to enter into one’s mind as one realizes one is no longer in the prime of one’s youth.  Lack of pursued education, relationships, travels, or dreams may all begin to haunt the individual. This can lead to aimlessness, self doubt, dissatisfaction and longing.

Grief Counseling and Support

Support and listening ears are ways individuals can navigate a Mid Life Crisis in a healthy and good way progressing forward

 

In response, individuals may seek to rectify some of these issues.  In taking inventory of one’s life and looking and what is lacking or unfulfilled, one is not necessarily entering a crisis stage, but actually taking proactive steps to make a better life, but again, when done in haste, without plan, or financial consideration, these moves can become merely reactional and not well thought out.  This may lead to a manic episode of off the wall purchases, such a dream car, or travel beyond one’s financial capabilities.  Furthermore, if one is discontent with one’s relationship due to the change of time, one may be more daring to enter into an affair.

It is of no wonder then that suicide rates increase during Middle Age.

In dealing with a Mid-Life Crisis many may ask new questions about oneself.  They may look where they came from and where they are going.  They make take inventory of successes and failures and account new limitations and how to creatively balance them.  In anything dealing with change it is crucial to have some relevance of coping ability and confidence in life.  This is why it is crucial to acknowledge one’s feelings and the loss one feels.  It is OK to feel uncomfortable and upset but one needs to be able to understand how is one going to react to these new challenges.

Optimistic outlooks point to the fact that life is growing and expanding and not becoming something less desirable.  With each phase in life comes new advantages that someone can part take in.  It is good to see optimism in one’s age and how one can make this phase of life the best it can be.  Maybe through more exercise and health diets to maintain oneself better, or new hobbies or things that one has not accomplished as of yet but now financially can.  It is important like any phase in life to take advantage of what each phase has to offer. If however one persists with depressive thoughts or suicidal ideas, it is important to seek counsel and help with a licensed healthcare professional.  It is important to share these feelings with trusted friends and family.

Understanding change and how scary but wonderful it can be is sometimes a way to reframe it.  Reframing is a key way to sometimes see the good over the bad.  While one is changing physically and emotionally, this change may incur some disadvantages but they are natural changes that everyone is encountering.  It is important to remain confident and secure in what one is while adjusting to the change through positive reaction or happy acceptance.

One needs an anchor in life.  While accidental changes are occurring throughout, one is still oneself.  One is must be anchored by that identity of self.  True happiness in fleeting things will never allow one to find security and peace within.  Placing happiness in eternal things over physical things is crucial.  If religious, faith can play a key role in anchoring oneself.  If not religious, ideals and concepts important to identity can help one find peace.

Mid Life Crisis can lead to substance abuse and other issues. Please also review AIHCP’s Crisis Intervention and Grief Counseling Certifications

 

It ultimately comes down to the ontology of happiness.  The glows that excite oneself versus the spurs that cause discomfort.  What does one place one’s sense of joy and happiness in?  Are they in tangible things that can be lost or destroyed or does one find a deeper happiness in family and friends.  Yet these people can be lost as well, so there must be something more within oneself that anchors oneself in relation to the many blessings one has.  This anchor, allows one to retain balance and security even when things of joy are taken by loss and change.  The ability to have focus and a goal that can never be stolen within one’s spirit is the primary tool to cope and to move with change gracefully.  For many this is faith, others it is idealogy.   It is critical for one to find that anchor to prevent one from being swept with the current of the ocean.

Those who have no true anchor will drift longer during a Mid-Life Crisis.  This is why it is important to have a great sense of self and values.  Unchangeable values retain one’s identity and self and no matter the accidental changes of life, one remains the same at the core.  Those who can adjust to aging gracefully and find youth as not a number can also adjust far better to these types of losses.  Their identity remains core despite the accidental changes.

Depression or Mid-Life Crisis

When a Mid-Life Crisis is not properly navigated, or without an anchor, it can lead to depression.  If individuals exhibit the physical and mental symptoms associated with depression, it is important to contact a healthcare professional or grief counselor. Others can fall victim to substance abuse and risky behaviors.    Those with better support groups or individuals to talk to or share experiences with have a better chance of exiting the crisis with new insight and hope, but for those without support or an internal anchor, it is important for them to seek the counseling help they need.

 

Conclusion

Loss of identity is a common issue in Mid-Life Crisis. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification

 

Please also review AIHCP’s multiple counseling courses.  AIHCP offers both a Grief Counseling Certification, as well as Crisis Intervention Counseling Programs.  The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking training in counseling in these lay and pastoral fields.  Of course licensed counselors can also become certified and utilize these skills in a clinical setting.

References and Additional Resources

“Midlife Crisis or Midlife Myth? What to Know About Going ‘Over the Hill’”. Crystal Raypole. July 8th, 2021. Healthline. Access here

“Midlife Crisis: Why We Reevaluate Our Lives at the Halfway Mark”. Amy Morin. February 23rd, 2023. VeryWellMind. Access here

“Midlife”. Psychology Today Staff. Psychology Today. Access here

“Midlife Crisis: Transition or Depression?”. Kathleen Doheny. November 11th, 2009. WebMD. Access here

 

 

 

 

Suffocating and Silencing Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Mourning is the outward expression of loss and grief.  In many cultures there are precise and accepted mourning rituals in how one and society expresses grief.  When other societies come into contact, sometimes mourning rituals may seem odd to others.  Some may be more silent while others may be very dramatic.  Whichever the case, when these types of mourning and expression are restricted by others, then the grief becomes suffocated.  This can cause multiple issues to the griever.  In some ways this is also a type of grief bullying.

This is also the case in certain places.  For instance, in hospitals, individuals look to silence or quiet the loud sobbing or crying of an individual who is given bad news.  In an attempt to keep others more comfortable, the mourning becomes restricted because the behavior is not meeting the societal standards of the time and place.  This is an issue with different ethnicities and races in how they grieve and how society reacts to their grieving.  Minorities can face a less receptive audience when grief overtakes them than others.  This relates to their grieving in school as well as work.  Such reactions to suffocate the public display of grief or silence it can have negative effects on the griever.

Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.