Animals grieve but they grieve differently than humans. This is common sense because human beings are sentient. With sentience comes an understanding of existing or not existing in its more philosophical form. Being mindful of the cosmos, life and death, even without experiencing death is an attribute of sentient beings. Humans can understand what death means and understand what it means not to be. This existential awareness intensifies one’s grief when death occurs.
Animals can experience grief but lack a human understanding of death. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Animals do experience grief but on a much smaller scale. Animal grief is based off experience and reaction. While the animal understands non functionality of the another, it still does not fully grasp the core concept of existence vs non existence. They may miss, mourn, but the deeper forms of existential grief do not exist. In some ways this may be a blessing. Ignorance is may be bliss, but due to sentience human beings are equipped with a deeper understanding of the universe, existence itself and death. Understanding death itself is a burden humanity carries alone on earth.
The article, “What Does Animal Grief Tell Us About How They Understand Death?” by Justin Gregg looks deeper at how animals mourn but also their limitations in fully understanding the existential nature of death. He states,
“It’s important to understand, however, that just because a dolphin can recognize death, it does not mean she understands her own mortality. Or that all living things must die. These are two additional levels of understanding that nonhuman animals lack. According to Monsó, “a very sophisticated notion of personal mortality also incorporates the notions of inevitability, unpredictability, and causality.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Everyone experiences loss. It is part of human existence to lose. One of the scariest realities is that no matter how happy we may one day be, what we have will one day be taken. Any family member we love, will one day die, or any object we cherish, we can one day lose or have it stolen. This is the precarious situation of life itself. Understanding loss and how we adjust to it is hence very important. Loss is the price of love and attachment hence grief is unavoidable. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program
A certified grief counselor can help with basic loss. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Individuals eventually need help with coping over loss. Some individuals experience greater loss than others and turn to help. Certified grief counselors can help with basic loss and licensed counselors can offer more indepth help for complications in grief. Grief Support groups can also help aide for those seeking answers to the mystery of love and loss.
The article, “Turning to Grief Counseling When You Need Help” by Melissa Porrey looks at how grief counselors can help with a variety of grief issues. She states,
“If you are unsure whether you are experiencing grief or finding it challenging to work through bereavement, grief counseling can offer support and helpful ways to bring meaning to the loss and allow you to move forward through your grief. This article will define grief, provide an overview of grief counseling, and offer ways to find a grief therapist.”
If you are looking to help individuals with grief you can also play a role. Certified grief counselors are professionals in health and mental health fields. Some are in ministry, or social services. While not all grief counselors are licensed counselors, many can help with the basics of loss. AIHCP offers a four year certification in Grief Counseling. The Grief Counseling Certification is online and independent study and open to those qualified professionals. Please review and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.
Complications in grief can occur when trauma is associated with it. Trauma that is severe enough to not become processed can cause PTSD and other complications in the grieving process. An individual will be haunted by the loss and have to eventually face it with therapy and counseling. Licensed counselors can help individuals face PTSD and also help them process the traumatic loss. Grief Counselors who are also licensed counselors can also add additional insight with their specialty and understanding of grief.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a grief counselor.
As the grief process continues in life, individuals follow different routes towards reconciliation with the loss. While resolution can never come because love forbids it, reconciliation can occur. A reconciliation that allows one to live and move forward while still acknowledging the loss. However as one proceeds forward down this trajectory of reconciliation, birthdays, anniversaries, and other moments that remind one of the deceased can emerge. These moments can create grief bursts (Wolfelt) or even take someone further back in time. This not bad and is completely OK. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Part of reconciliation involves living and experiencing life while carrying loss. There is no escape from this contradiction. Joy and sadness merge together and reminders emerge that anchor us in the past but the joy of the present permits one to still sail forward. This seeming paradox is part of grief and incorporating loss into life itself. Grief Counselors can help others through these emotions. Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Courses
Sometimes grief and loss produce conflicting emotions as one begins to find happiness again in life. It is important to understand these emotions, respect them but not allow them to hurt the present and one’s reconciliation with grief itself. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program.
What’s Your Grief recently published a very interesting blog on dealing with conflicting emotions that muddy the water of life. As one moves forward, there is always a slight tug from behind or a pinch of the heart. When the widower or widow moves forward beyond the intensity of the first years of grief and finds a new love, there is the smile of the present but also the frown of the past. Conflicting emotions can emerge that confuse and cause new emotions of guilt.
In these paradoxes, individuals can have a whirlpool of emotions. One can experience intense grief at times, but also relief. The relief can also cause one to feel guilt. As the thoughts of the decease become less intense and less obsessive, an individual may feel guilty for the this respite from the pain. They may feel to honor the deceased, they then must continue to suffer. Grievers sometimes see any break from suffering as a betrayal to the deceased.
When meeting someone new, or looking forward to something exciting, a griever may feel the tug of the past. This tug is not bad but it should not prevent one from loving again or becoming excited over an event. This paradox can exist in multiple scenarios. Perhaps the grief and excitement of going to a ball game but without a beloved parent for the first time can create these unique and confusing experiencing. Or for someone the first time sharing a kiss with another person.
It is hence very important to learn how to experience the present, while keeping the past sacred. This may not be the easiest thing to do at first and it may cause conflicting emotions.
One may even enter into a “what if” or “should have” type mentality as one experiences the present. Instead of enjoying what is present, one thinks what if my loved one never died and where would I be myself? It is OK to wish the loved one still was alive, but this thinking if obsessive can derail the present. This will leave one from experiencing the present and not permitting one to make new memories. Part of the importance of reconciliation in grief is to place the loss in its proper perspective and chapter within one’s life. Robert Neimeyer talks about connecting the past, present and future together in one life narrative. Every chapter has intrinsic value. Every chapter is equally important and every chapter builds to the next. One chapter cannot be forgotten without expense to the next and the current chapter cannot be fully enjoyed when thinking of the past ones or future ones.
Its OK to be happy again. Please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
It is difficult to let go of the anxiety, but one needs to experience the conflicting emotions, respond to them and permit oneself to live the present. This is not something that happens day 1 of grief but something that occurs when full reconciliation with grief occurs. When reconciliation of the past and present allow one to find a new narrative and meaning for the future, then one can move forward, but if not, then these conflicting emotions can delay and possibly prevent happiness, so it is key to understand them and to properly react to them.
Helping others in the later phases of grief is important. Individuals sometimes need guidance and encouragement to move forward. Some need told that conflicting feelings are natural and not to feel bad about them when one is finally experiencing some type of happiness. Certified Grief Counselors can help individuals through these phases of finding true reconciliation in loss. They can help them connect the past chapters of the grieving’s life narrative to the present. Grief Counselors can also help individuals understand the the feelings and how to properly incorporate them. Moving forward can be difficult after loss, but it should not seem like a betrayal. Love is forever but over time is expressed differently due to life and death.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification then please see if the program matches your academic and professional goals. The Grief Counseling Program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling. The program consists of four core courses that lead to certification. Qualified professionals include social workers, clergy, counselors, teachers, funeral directors, physicians, nurses and other mental and healthcare professionals. Undergraduate degrees in the social sciences and health care are also accepted.
Sources: Robert Neimeyer and Grief Therapy and the Reconstruction of Meaning: From Principles to Practice : Click here
What’s Your Grief : Conflicted Feelings in Grief: Reconciling the Present with What Might Have Been by Eleanor Haley. Click here
Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart by Alan Wolfelt
With so many climate issues occurring throughout the planet, individuals are experiencing a new type of loss and suffering. Individuals may be affected directly by climate change or indirectly. Those who lose homes, or crops, or life styles due to climate change experience a far more direct experience, while those who simply mourn the symbolical loss and potential effects suffer more indirectly. As members of the planet, the loss is painful to all. This type of grief has been labeled as Ecological Grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Ecological Grief is loss due to climate change and the environment. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “What’s the Difference Between Eco-Anxiety and Ecological Grief?” by Markham Heid looks closer at the anxiety and grief tied together in climate change. He states,
“Ecological grief is a relatively new term for a form of climate-related loss and mourning that researchers are just beginning to study. However, some research has already attempted to map out this term and its related causes and psychological experiences. The perspective article published last year in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health defined ecological grief as the “grief felt in relation to experienced or anticipated ecological losses, including the loss of species, ecosystems and meaningful landscapes due to acute or chronic environmental change.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
So many times in the mourning process, we feel held back due to loss. The pain is one thing, but the guilt one can feel for looking forward can sometimes haunt an individual. Conflicting emotions were relief but also regret meet, as well as love but also sadness. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Individuals after loss, must mourn the loss, but they must also move forward from it. This does not entail forgetting the past. One keeps the past loss close to heart, helping it transform and create the person one is, but this does not mean living in the past. It means still living. Whether this entails moving on to loving someone new, or finding joy in life again, one cannot feel these feelings betray the deceased.
Sometimes past loss guilts oneself from enjoying the present. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
One is not expected to continue to live in the past, but to move forward, embracing the loss, while also venturing forward to new things. Adaptation and reconciliation to the loss manifests in someone who can still grieve the loss but find happiness in the new. The loss will never cease, but it can coexist in a healthy way.
What’s Your Grief offers an excellent perspective on this. In their article, “Conflicted Feelings in Grief: Reconciling the Present with What Might Have Been” by Eleanor Haley, this type of conflicting emotion of moving forward is addressed. She states,
“On a larger scale, people may feel guilty as they move forward in life and discover new purposes, make new connections, or find a sense of peace or happiness. Feeling okay in their life without their loved one feels like a betrayal. The reality is that grief is so ongoing that it is impossible to wait for it to end before allowing yourself to experience anything positive. You will likely grieve in different ways forever, so you have to find a way to let it live alongside new purpose, meaning, and connections.”
It is easy and natural to think of what may have been. Part of the process is to think and remember, but this should not be something that haunts and prevents future relationships or future happiness. One needs to move forward at one’s own pace, but conflicted emotions can prevent a person from appreciating the present. It is critical to properly see loss in its perspective. The loss is part of oneself and an important part but it cannot become an anchor that strips life away. This is not betrayal, but part of being alive. It is also something our beloved deceased would never wish for us.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Grief Support Groups are important for individuals who lack the proper support arcs at home. Many individuals do not have anyone to talk to or share their grief. It is important for groups to help others find strength in dealing with the particular loss. The video below discusses the importance of Grief Support Groups and how to become a strong group leader.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Support Group Leader Certification as well as AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if they matches your academic and professional goals. The programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certifications
So many times when individuals grieve, they are not given the appropriate time, response or care. The rule of thirds dictates that only 1/3rd of the people in one’s life will respond emotionally to one’s loss needs. Even those who care can sometimes say the wrong thing. It is important when helping the bereaved to say what helps heals instead of further hurting the person. Many well intentioned individuals can say the wrong thing at the wrong time and make the grief worst for the bereaved. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Careful words are needed in grief support. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “The Grief You Give: A guide for what to say in the wake of loss: Words for when “sorry for your loss” isn’t enough.” from Scalawag Editors looks at somethings that usually should not be said and what one can do better. The editors list some common cliches.
“Grief can be downright awkward. There’s a certain pressure to find the right words to say. It’s common to default to apologizing. We blurt out sorry for your loss, scribble it into Hallmark cards, and paste it under social media posts, punctuated with a prayer hands emoji. We center ourselves even if we don’t mean to. What are you sorry for anyway? Over the last several months, we’ve asked you, our people, to share the words and gestures that have proven helpful after a loss; which ones hurt more than they heal? From those responses, we’ve created this condolences guide to parse through perspectives on how we care and show up for one another—even when we get it wrong. Accountability is an act of love.”
Saying the wrong thing can obviously be a big mistake. Looking at the above cliches and making sure one does not follow the same mistakes is critical to helping a bereaved friend.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a Grief Counselor.
Shopping sometimes can cheer anyone up. Buying something new and exciting or adding to a collection can help one look beyond a boring and blue day. If, however, an individual uses shopping as escapism or over shops due to depression, then shopping may not be the best cure. It is important to see the difference when shopping becomes pathological and not just merely a way to cheer oneself up. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Shopping used to hide depression is unhealthy. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Depression Shopping: Why Retail Therapy Does Not Heal” by Hope Gillette looks closer at how shopping can become pathological if used during depression. She states,
“Getting something new can be fun and exciting. Even if you’re shopping for home necessities, the experience of buying something nice can make you feel accomplished. In fact, research from 2014 points out that making purchases helps alleviate sadness and gives a sense of control. Shopping as a recreational activity or because you need an item is one thing. Shopping because you depend on the mood boost could be something else.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Going through grief is a difficult transition. With so many erroneous philosophies surrounding grief, it can even be more difficult to navigate emotions and cope with the pain. It is important to understand how grief affects human beings and how human beings need to react to grief itself. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification Program.
Grief can be a difficult journey. Sometimes support groups can help individuals process and cope with grief in helpful ways. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program
Many contend grief is an unnatural state, or that one must restore balance in life and forget the past. Others believe grief is in step by step stages. Others believe grief should be kept from others and never expressed. All of these ideas can lead to complications within the grieving process. Many individuals due to misinformation need external help to learn how to grieve and cope properly.
Support is key in grieving as well as Grief Counseling. The rule of thirds dictates that one third of those one knows will be indifferent to one’s loss, while another third will actually be counterproductive to the grieving process, and the final third will be helpful and compassionate. The more support one has the better they can cope with the loss but many need help. Grief Support Groups offer the aid some need to better heal.
Alan Wolfert, an expert in grief, lists ten key touchstones to grieving. These touchstones are utilized in his guide for support groups. The touchstones provide a good outline to dictate the course of the meeting outlines in helping others come to grips with loss itself. Many of the elements found in other grieving models are found in these touchstones but again the touchstones are not to serve as a chronological time line to healing but a check list to measure healing.
In this blog, we will briefly review these ten touchstones.
The first touchstone deals with opening oneself to the presence to the loss. Denial is one of the first reactions to loss. Hence it is important to open oneself to the reality of loss and acknowledge the event and start to process it. Various emotions will emerge, but the process is key in healing. It is also critical to understand the nature of grief. Grief in itself is the price of love. The two are forever interwound with each other. Understanding that grief is not temporary but a life long journey is important. Love is forever hence grief and loss of that love is forever.
The second touchstone deals with dismissing false misconceptions of grief. A support group can help others dismiss bad grieving habits and false ideas. So many false ideas about grief exist in society. Many of these false misconceptions and myths damage healing itself.
The third touchstone involves embracing the uniqueness of one’s grief. Grief is very unique. Due to this, losses vary from individual to individual. Some losses are greater than others. Other losses have greater bonds. Some losses also depend on one’s ability to cope. Secondary losses can occur which can make the primary loss even more difficult. Hence all loss is unique because each bond is unique. It is important for the bereaved to understand the unique nature of his or her personal grief and what challenges he or she will incur.
The fourth touchstone is exploring the feelings associated with loss. So many times, emotions are hidden. Some emotions are considered distasteful. It is important to accept all forms of emotions within a healthy manner. Anger and sadness should not be dismissed but embraced and properly understood within the grieving process.
Touchstone five deals with understanding the needs of mourning. This touchstone correlates with many grief theories regarding recovering. First, one must acknowledge the loss. Following this, one must embrace the emotions, remember and commemorate the deceased, develop a new relationship, find new meaning and let others help in times of sadness. These are key elements in adjusting to the particular loss and becoming whole again. One does change through grief but through proper grieving , one is able to change in a healthy way that adjusts to the loss and allows one to exist but still remember.
The sixth touchstone is understanding that grief does not make one crazy. Many individuals hold tight to older traditions, dream of the deceased, or may even see the deceased. While in grief, these types of fixations on the deceased are not pathological. Missing someone is not crazy. The manifestations of missing someone should not be dismissed as crazy. Individuals must understand that is natural for these things to occur during the grieving process.
The seventh touchstone deals with nurturing oneself. In grief, it is easy to forgot oneself. It is easy not to care for oneself or attend to things that are important to oneself. As one heals, it is important to care for oneself. It is important to try to find a smile, or beauty in things. This may be difficult, but self care should not feel guilty. Many who grieve, feel they must grieve forever or they will betray the one the love. Grief should not be a punishment but a transition.
The eighth touchstone involves reaching out to others. Many individuals see this as a sign of weakness. These individuals may hide their grief. Others may see it as a sign of weakness to ask for advice or cry before someone. As social beings, it is important to seek help when hurt. Emotional hurt is no different.
The ninth touchstone is discovering that grief is about reconciliation not resolution. There is no end to the loss itself. The loss is forever hence the separation is forever. There will be no resolution or new self void of the past. Hence it is important to understand that one must become reconciled to the loss. One must be able to accept it and live with it. This means living with it in a healthy way, but it does not mean, the pain will magically vanish. One still can at times experience the pains of loss but be completely adjusted and reconciled to the new reality.
The final touchstone is appreciation of one’s transformation. This does not mean one forgets the deceased and is happy to be changed, but means one is happy he or she experienced the grieving process and now can in a healthy way enjoy the adjustment while still remembering the deceased. The transformation shows change and growth and understanding. These are good things to be thankful for.
Wolfert’s Ten Touchstones can direct grief support groups. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
These touchstones serve as an excellent source to guide Grief Support Meetings. They can help individuals through the maze of grief and find proper healing and transformation. It allows the bereaved to experience emotion, learn about the grieving process and have the support and tools to reconcile and transform from the loss.
If you would like to learn more about Grief Counseling, then please review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
