Grief Counseling Blog

Other resources:

Grief Counseling Education: “Good Grief”?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Education: Grief Has a Purpose

Is there anything good about grief?  Grief is far from a pathological condition but is a natural reaction to loss.  While intense and painful it serves various functions.  When looking at grief, one cannot dismiss it, rush it, or ignore it but must embrace it and allow the natural psychological reactions to take place.

The loss of someone or something forever effects someone, but the time of adjustment or

adaptation is a transitional period where the emotion of grief serves a purpose.  Grief enables the person to express his or her feelings but also allows one to express it to others.  This social purpose of sadness alerts others of one’s emotional situation.  It cries for help and assistance.  Furthermore, although grief weakens one to the surrounding, it does present moments of osciallation where the grief subsides temporarily for the body to recover.  If grief was a constant strain, it would wreak havoc upon the person emotionally but since it is a natural reaction it does not seek to harm but gradually helps one to adapt.

So while far from enjoyable, grief does actually help people.  It is even more beneficial when you begin to apply it beyond the realms of science and see spiritual merit.  For this reason, most people who are religious generally develop better coping skills with loss because they can utilize grief as a spiritual cross that leads to victory.

If you are interested in Grief Counseling Education, please review the program.

 

Mark Moran, GC-C, SCC-C

 

Grief is Being Human

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief is not some strange disease you can suffer from.   It is not an emotional mental disorder.   Grieving is a natural part of our lives.  To grieve over the loss of someone close to you is normal.   It is part of the grief healing process. Grief counselors who specialize in grief counseling explain how keeping those feelings bottled up is actually bad for you.   For an excellent article on this subject, please read below:

Grief is Being Human

The article, “Grief is not an illness; it’s part of being human”, by Froma Harrop states

“We moderns seem determined to suppress all unhappiness with one exception: grief. The intense sadness following loss of a loved one still occupies a warm spot in our culture. We want that pain protected from the deadening analgesics of pharmaceuticals.”

For the full article please go here.

Let grief heal you.   Release the negative sadness and embrace your grieving.   Time will heal your heavy heart.   Your loved one might be gone but they will never be forgotten.
If you want to learn more about grief counseling please check out our website.
If you are also interested in training in grief counseling, then please review the program

How to Counsel the Grieving?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

How to Counsel the Grieving?

The confusion in how to counsel the grieving of others is a complicated issue.  While there is an academic and scientific approach, the best advice is everyone is different and to approach each person in grief differently according to the situation.

Jennifer Fulwiler in her article “Grief is Messy” (National Catholic Register)  discovered this when a neighbor tragically was killed in an accident.

“A week ago last Saturday, I witnessed a terrible motorcycle accident in the neighborhood. I was the first person to check on the victim, and was not prepared for what I would find. The young rider had died instantly, but the scene was like something out of a war zone. When the police arrived, even veteran offices were shocked.”

Read the full article here

From this article one can the complications in approaching or counseling those in grief from one perspective.
If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program here.
If you wish to become certified in grief and bereavement counseling, then please review the program.  Those who become certified in grief and bereavement counseling are after completion of courses, certified for three years.
If you have any questions, then please do not hesitate to contact us.

Pioneers of Grief Research

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Leaders in Grief Research

J. William Worden

 Worked with the grief of widows and how they moved on after the death of their husbands. His numerous awards and memberships are the following —Influential Leader Award in Grief and Loss, American Academy of Bereavement (2005) Association of Death Education & Counseling-ADEC (Founding Member) International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement-IWG (Founding Member) Influential Leader Award in Grief and Loss, American Academy of Bereavement (2005) Clinical Practice Award, Association of Death Education and Counseling (1993)

Elizabeth Kubler Ross
1926-2004- She was a psychiatrist and a pioneer in near death studies. She was the author of Death and Dying (1969) in which the Kubler-Ross model was first introduced.

Edward John Mostyn “John” Bowlby
1907–1990. He was a British psychologist most notable for his interest in child development and his ideas on attachment theory.

Erich Lindemann
Most notable for his studies on traumatic grief especially in regards to the Cocoanut Grove night club fire in the 1940s.

Sigmund Freud
1856-1939. He viewed grief as a pathological issue that if not resolved resulted in dysfunction.

One must purge him or herself from the attachment and form new relationships. This idea has been replaced with newer ideals of attachment theory and meaning making where the loss is reformatted into the life story and revered and respected but never totally removed from the self.

If you are interested in Grief Counseling Courses, please review the program.
If you would like to take grief counseling training, then please review.

Program for Bereavement Counseling Certification: Grief Models of Recovery

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Program for Bereavement Counseling Certification

Worden’s Four Tasks-dealt with widows and their moving on in life

1.Task 1. Acceptance
2.Task 2. Working through it
3.Task 3. Adjustment
4.Task 4. Emotionally relocate the deceased and move on

 

Kubler Ross Model

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance

Rando’s Six Rs

Recognize, React, Recollect, Relinquish, Readjust, Reinvest

John Bowlby and the Process of Mourning

Preoccupation, Disorganization, Reoganization

Lindeman’s Three Steps

Acceptance, Adjusting, Forming New Relationships

If you would like to learn more about grief counseling and Grief Support, please click here
The program for bereavement counseling certification includes four core courses.  After completing the program for bereavement counseling certification, one is certified in grief counseling for three years.

Bereavement Counseling Certification: Grief Therapy in Art

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Bereavement Counseling Certification:  Grief Therapy

There are many forms of grief therapy. One form is the use of art. It may seem that art might contribute little to the healing of grief, but this article focuses on how one mother did just that. An insightful article that will also warm your heart.

The article, “A mother uses art as a passage through grief” by Francie Minder

“The first years after my 15-year-old daughter, Chava, died of cancer, I was walking around in a fog. Each day was painful as the initial shock and disbelief faded, letting reality sink in. My world had been turned upside down. Eventually I could go through the steps of everyday life, but the extreme loss was with me every second of every day.”

full article: access here

Grief counseling and grief therapy can be so beneficial to those dealing with the tragedy of loss in their lives.  Undergoing such interventions takes commitment as well as time. Grief is a journey that we undertake. There are no real short cuts but various forms of therapies can be extremely beneficial in providing support and courage through it all.
If you are interested in learning more about a bereavement counseling certification, then please review.

Grief Counseling Courses: Broken Relationships and Attachment Theory in Grief Therapy

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Courses

A lot of literature about grief is overwhelmingly death orientated.  While death is a universal experience it is still not an everyday thing.  True, the loss of a loved permeates one’s daily life long after the event, but the actual event is singular and for the more fortunate, not nearly as regular.  The reality is most people go to counseling  or grief therapy for a relationship loss. 

The Pains and Grief of the Heart 
Grief counselors deal with many people who are devastated by divorce, a cheating spouse, a broken engagement, or the sudden change of not having that person to call, hold, or spend time with.  These aspects are very common to the human experience.  With proper guidance, the wounds become scars and help one grow emotionally and sometimes spiritually.
The loneliness and the un-needed anxiety people experience in finding a mate can be stressful enough for some, but when one truly believes they found the one, only to be shocked that everything was an illusion can be a horrifying change.   Changes in life style from the tiniest schedule can shake the foundation of that person’s life.   Even the smallest scent or image can bring a tidal wave of emotional imagery.  Unfortunately there are no short cuts in this adaptation period.  As so many grief specialists emphasize, one must do their “grief work”.  They must experience the change the emotional pain that accompanies it.  Of course, as death, there is the acceptance stage, the emotional stage of anger and mourning, and the final adaptation to the new situation.  A good grief counselor will guide the broken person through these phases and encourage emotional release in the healing process.  Only after these initial steps, can the person utilize new meaning concepts to a new reality and properly place the lost relationship in its proper perspective of his or her life story.
The question arises why does this adaptation take so long for some people?  It all varies based upon the level of attachment.  Attachment theory is a theory that was used in great depth with widows or widowers in their loss of a spouse.  The same can be applied to broken relationships that do not involve death, but separation.  The attachment will determine the length of the adaptation to the person.   So, if someone was in a relationship for many years and suddenly the relationship ceased, one should expect a greater withdrawal and more intense and lengthy adaptation period.  The opposite can be said for a short two month affair where there is little attachment and hence less adaptation.
As a grief counselor, it is important not to only deal with death but also every day pains of the heart.  Proper understanding of attachment can help one assess the situation and lay a ground work for eventually adaptation and assimilation of the past into the person’s present.  One can never give a time frame for recovery, but with a special guidance, a grief counselor can help a person understand the phases and steps and help them take the necessary steps for a happy future with someone else. if you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program.
Our grief counseling courses are offered online and after completion of the grief counseling courses, one can become eligible for certification if qualified.

By Mark Moran, MA, GC-C

Complicated Grief and It’s Manifestations

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Complicated Grief and How to Become a Certified Grief Counselor

The grief cycle always stings but it does include recovery via acceptance and adaptation. Nonetheless, sometimes reactions to grief go well beyond the natural cycle and the skills of a grief counselor and require higher help. Abnormal or complicated grief can occur and in these cases requires this higher help. Abnormal characteristics include chronic depression, delayed grief, distorted grief, excessive grief, masked grief, or concomitant grief.
When analyzing these reactions a few things need to be noted. First within a subjective element. The person who experiences the grief reacts differently than another person may to the same thing. This is a result to the level of attachment to the thing or person valued. The greater the attachment, the greater reaction. The greater the reaction, the greater possibility for complicated reactions. Some reactions can be chronic depressive, some delayed and others masked.
From an objective standpoint, the grief event can be concomitant/multiple events or traumatic. The more severe the event the greater the reaction. This is the case of traumatic grief which is a result of a devastating event. These can include natural disasters, war, sudden loss, or mass death. Survival guilt, death imprints and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome can all result from these.
In most cases, complicated grief reactions require medication and professional counseling. A grief counselor can work in concordance with an LPC but should not work alone with these conditions. It is the grief counselors role to identify signs and situations that cause complicated grief and direct their clients to the proper resources
If you are interested and would like to learn how to become a certified grief counselor, then please review the program.

A Sojourner in Grief Surpasses Basic Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Sourjourning in One’s Grief is a Deeper Calling Than Just Grief Counseling

A Sojourner is one who has the empathy and compassion to commit the time and energy to travel into the darkness of grief with another one. As a counselor, it is not always about making the person feel better but helping them face grief and overcome it. What is wanted is healing and emotional health that lasts more than a few minutes.

Some things to consider when dealing with traumatic grief and counseling.
1. Sometimes people need to hear tragic news more than once to help it fit in and for them to say it themselves.
2. Sometimes they may need a physical hug. Remember physical touch can be reassuring but should be respectful and appropriate and only if accepted.
3. Encourage them to talk out their problems with family and friends
4. Include anger management. Allow them to be angry but channel it properly
5. Plan follow up sessions to rethink and retalk about what has happened.
Sojourning and mentorship is beyond mere counseling. It is a personal interest with one’s spiritual child. It involves listening and helping one through the darkness of grief. It involves also sometimes stepping into the darkness to help one escape it.  If you are interest in the  Grief Counseling Program, please click here.

How to Write a Grief Sympathy Letter or Note

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

 Dealing with the Grief of Others

A sympathy letter is a formal and sincere way of sending your condolences to a grieving family member, friend, or colleague. It is usually sent or emailed during the first few days after the death of an individual. Sending a sympathy letter is a great way to empathize and give comfort to a person who has just lost a loved one.  Dealing with grief is a challenging journey. Those who grieve are generally very appreciative of the notes of condolences they receive.

 How to Begin the Letter

A grief sympathy letter often opens up with the writer acknowledging the death of the person. The writer may do this with lines such as “I am so sorry to hear of your loss,” or “I was shocked to hear about X’s death.” If the writer is writing on behalf of a group or company, he or she may write something like this: “I am writing on behalf of Y company or X’s friends to express our condolences for X’s passing.”  These lines not only serve as an appropriate opening for the letter, but also set the tone for the entire sympathetic theme.

 Acknowledge the Loss

After acknowledging the death of the person and the loss of the grieving party, the writer then expresses sympathy in the succeeding sentence or paragraph. The writer may say “Please find comfort in the love and good memories we have of X,” or “I want to express my sincerest sympathy for your sad loss.”  In this part of the letter, the writer condoles with the grieving party and offers words of comfort to the bereaved family.

Share Wonderful Memories of the Deceased

A sympathy letter should also have a few lines about the deceased person as described by the writer. These lines usually enumerate the good qualities that the writer admires and will miss about the deceased. The writer may say, “X was such a sweet and hardworking colleague, and I will miss him dearly,” if the deceased was a colleague, or “X was a sincere, loyal, and trusting friend,” if the deceased was a friend. In the next line, the writer shares a wonderful memory of the deceased to the grieving party. This is an opportunity to highlight the good qualities of the person who has passed away. The writer may cite how he or she met the deceased, their friendship, working relationship, or how the late person spoke affectionately about his or her family.

How to End the Letter

Grieving families will appreciate hearing words of love from just about anyone, particularly from people they know. This may be as simple as words of encouragement. One rule of thumb, though- never make any offer that you can’t fulfill. Some lines that writers can use for this part are, “If there is anything that I can do, I am just a phone call away,” or “Don’t hesitate to call me up if you need anything from me during these tough times.”  As a closing line, writers may end their letter with phrases such as “love,” “truly yours,” and “affectionately yours.”
Here’s a sample of a short but sincere sympathy letter:
“I am saddened by X’s death. No words are adequate to describe just how special a person he was. He always had kind words to say about everyone in the office. He also often told us how he loved you and his children. If there’s anything we can do for you, just give us a call. Our thoughts are with you and your family during these difficult times. Sincerely, John.”
Oftentimes, when one is faced with a friend who is grieving, it is hard to know what to do. Knowing how to write a formal sympathy letter can help one organize one’s thoughts and feelings in a coherent manner. For someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one, reading a simple sympathy letter is sure to make the loss a little easier to bear.
If you would like to learn more on how to become certified in grief counseling, then please review.