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Program in Grief Counseling: Veterans Day and Offshore Memorials

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief and Memorials of Our Lost Brothers Overseas

the grief of never having a father, brother, friend or even now, mother or sister never return home from war is a frightening thought.  While most come home, many memorials in Europe and around the world hold the sacred remains of brave Americans who fought overseas during WWI and beyond.  Thousands of our fallen rest in these offshore locations where their sacrifice for America and the rest of the world is remembered with honor.   Grief counselors should encourage the visiting of these sites for those who still experience the pain of unresolved grief of no return.

Michael Luongo of CNN, writes about oversea burials and cemeteries in his article, ‘Overseas Burial Grounds Honor Fallen Americans”

“Carol Malone never knew her father. She was born in 1942, and her father, U.S. Army Sgt. Victor J. Hubany, was killed in 1944, before he’d been home from war to meet his little girl. She used to watch hours of World War II footage, looking for a glimpse of him.”

To read rest of the article, please click here

If you are interested in Grief Counseling, please review the program and click here.
Please also review our program in Grief counseling
And of course, Happy Veterans Day to all living and deceased veterans.

AIHCP

Sarah York’s "Remembering Well"-An Excellent Guide for Pastoral Professionals

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Review: Remembering Well

From a standpoint of one who deals with grieving families, this short work is a must have in one’s grief counseling library.   Grief Counselors come across a myriad of issues and challenges in the aftermath of death.  When grief counselors, pastoral counselors, funeral directors, or ministers are asked to aid in the memorial of a lost loved one, it can become a difficult task to deal with in a professional but also compassionate manner.  This text answers many of the problems one will face and helps guide the pastoral professional.
From preparation to guidelines on preparing a soul sketch, “Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death” is an excellent guide.  Beyond the mere planning, the text also helps the pastoral professional deal with unexpected inner family conflicts, types of deaths and even how to help family members beyond the funeral.  Yet far from a clinical text, this book also offers a personal touch of real stories that correlate with the information provided.  This creates an informative work but also a readable story that touches the human heart.
Sarah York masterfully interweaves her knowledge with her experience to create an excellent guide for any pastoral professional.  If you are interested in learning more about Sarah York, please visit her website at www.sarahyork.com
If you are interested in learning more about grief counseling, please also review our program.

Mark Moran, MA

The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying

A new book authored by: Richard Wagner, Ph.D, ACS

A Brief Description
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The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying is an 8″ x 10″ workbook for enhancing the end of life. It is on the cutting edge of death and dying work. Readers are challenged to liberate themselves from the deadening passivity and isolation that society heaps upon them. They gain perspective on numerous issues related to modern dying…whether it’s filling out a durable power of attorney form, answering provocative questions about sexuality and intimacy, completing a death anxiety survey or personally designing a unique end-of-life plan…readers are totally involved and engaged.

Click here to learn more about this important and exciting book!

If you would like to learn more, please review our program.  As a certified grief counselor, you can help many people overcome and adapt to their grief

Real Men Cry

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling For Grieving Men

The myth that is not manly to grieve is quickly becoming less and less as psychology studies grief patterns.  The myth that men do not grieve or that their grief is more acute but quickly gone is just not true.  The days and images of men as the “Duke” or  Spartan warriors are quickly fading and people are beginning to realize that the existence of grief does not weaken one’s toughness but is a universal experience critical to recovery among all people.  Grief Counseling is at the forefront of helping men grieve without shame and come to a healthy recovery.  With these new approaches towards men, there hopefully will be less unresolved issues of grief and less false images of what it is “to be a man”.

Perry Garfinkel (The New York Times) in his article, “Men In Grief Seek Others Who Mourn As They Do” explores how Sam Feldman dealt with the loss of his wife.  He soon discovered that men grieve like everyone else and deserve a listening ear.

“In 1990, Sam and Gretchen Feldman cashed out on their share of a national chain of men’s apparel stores and retired to Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. There, they devoted their time to volunteer work and an active social calendar.”

To read the entire article, please click here

So if your a man and you are grieving, feel free to shed a tear or remember.  Feel free to talk to others and allow your emotions to show and heal you.  There is nothing unmanlike about crying, especially over something that is truly important and beautiful.
If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program and click here.

AIHCP

Miscarriages and Grief and How to Become a Certified Grief Counselor

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling and Miscarriages and How to become a certified grief counselor

One of the hardest things to grief counsel is a miscarriage.  Miscarriages strip a woman of part of herself.  She feels the intimacy of the lost more than anyone else in the family.  The hormones, the emotion and the lost can become overbearing.  Perhaps the most painful aspect of the loss is that it was unseen.  Without any formal burial or ceremony, it can become a disenfranchised loss.

Clara Hinton writes about this horrible experience many women go through.  In her article, “Miscarriage Is Such An Empty Feeling”, she examines some of the thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms a woman must face. 

“Miscarriage is a loss that is so difficult to explain to others. When child loss occurs through a miscarriage, it very seldom seems real to others because in an early miscarriage there is nothing that solidly validates a new life.” 

If you would like to read the rest of the article, please click here

If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please click here.
AIHCP

Grief Counseling and Hope in Depression

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counselors And Dealing With Depression

The pains of depression can be difficult for a grief counselor to cure.  There is no acute reason usually for depression.  Furthermore, if not an LPC, grief counselors usually need the aid of a psychologist to prescribe any necessary medications.  Below is an article how grief counselors through the gift of hope and faith can help the depressed.

Monica Coleman of the Huffington Post writes about depression and finding hope in her article, “Losing Faith, Finding Hope: A Journey With Depression”.

“Many people describe depression as a kind of intense grief.  It is a deep sadness.  It’s like heartbreak, agony and despair all at once.”

To read the entire article, please click here.

If you are interested in learning more about depression and grief, please review our program and click here.
Mark Moran, MA

Anger and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

How to Deal with Anger in Grief

Grieving is a normal part of a human being after going through a loss. This can be loss through death or separation. It is also normal to grieve when one losses a job or had to go through a major life changing event. There are many stages of grief and anger is one of them. This is a very critical stage. Anger expressed during the grief period can make or destroy a person. Controlled anger is a healthy emotion. Although this is a necessary stage, one should not stay in anger for too long. It can turn into an uncontrollable emotion that can lead to destruction. People who do not learn how to deal with anger in grief may end up being hateful and vengeful.
Anger is expressed when a person feels helpless and out pf control of the situation. Usually it has a target. It can be at God, a partner, at doctors or at the person thought to have caused the loss or death. It can even be directed at life where the person views it as being unfair. Sometimes, the person may not even understand why they had to go through the loss.
How Anger in Grief Manifests
When the loss takes place, the person may get into a state of denial where he does not acknowledge the current events. He may go on with life normally. This may be followed by a period of shock and denial. After some time, the person may realize the full impact of the loss. This is a period of great pain and guilt where anger follows as a way of dealing with the grief. This emotion can be expressed in a rational or irrational way where one expresses it even to strangers. This is a means of getting control of the situation at hand and the loss.

How to Help a Person Dealing with Anger in Grief

A grieving person needs a lot of love and understanding. Even when he expresses anger to those close to him, they should understand that this is a normal process of coming to terms with what has just happened. The person needs help in understanding what he is going through. Here are tips on how to help him deal with the anger.

Encourage Expression of Emotions Felt
When people are grieving, they go through many confusing and contradicting emotions. They should be encouraged to talk about how they feel. Let them express the emotions they feel towards the target of their anger. If they need to cry, shout or scream, encourage them to do so. Be a good listener. Mostly, what the person needs is not someone who can advise him but someone who understands what he is going through. 
Encourage him to Talk about the Incident

Every time the person talks about the loss, some anger is let out. Let him talk as much as he wants. With time, all the anger will be gone. Although he may be a long way from accepting what has happened, at least he will have dealt with one of the destructive emotions in the grieving period.
Be Good Company
Although a grieving person may want to spend more time alone, he needs someone to make him realize that life still goes on even after the loss. Help him get back to the activities he loved before the tragedy. Do something fun and engaging together. Make him laugh again. At first, he will be shocked or even feel guilty of enjoying life even if it is for a few minutes but with time, this will help him deal with the anger.
When in anger, all a person can think of is the loss and how unfair life is. Remind him of the good things, good times and achievements he had before the loss. Fill his thoughts with positive memories. If it is a loved one who died, remind him of the good times they shared and the positive impact the person had on him and others.

When anger in grief is destructive, the person may need grief counseling and medication. He may be defiant but if you approach the topic with a lot of love and understanding, he will agree to get help. Accompany him to the sessions and help him as much as you can.
Anger is a normal reaction but it should be dealt with properly for the person to completely recover from the loss.
If you are interested in the grief process, please review the program.
For more information on grief counseling courses, please review the program.

Finding Happiness in Grief Support During Special Days

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling The Grief Through Days of Celebration

As we all know, grief is just not one pit of despair but a long trek of peaks and valleys.  During times of memorial, holidays, or celebration, people can have joy and should not feel guilty about it.  Still some people may experience a grief that lingers and this is natural.  Regardless, as adaptation and healthy grief support takes over, the person will feel grief but in a new way that flows with their new chapter of life.  The article below talks about fellow grievers celebrating a Jewish holiday together.
Johanna Ginsberg, for the New Jersey Jewish News, writes about how people can come together during times of celebration despite loss and find fulfillment in her article, “Dealing with Grief During a Time of Celebration”

“Six people gathered at Barnabas Health Hospice and Palliative Care Center in West Orange on Monday night, Sept. 10, just one week before the start of Rosh Hashana. All had recently suffered a loss, and all had come to a one-day workshop to help them get through the High Holy Day season.”

To read the full article, please click here.

This is an excellent way for people inflicted by a loss to find consolation among others who have walked the same path.
If you are interested in Grief Counseling Courses and our certification program in grief counseling, please review the program and click here.

Mark Moran

Their Death Will Never Be In Vain

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

AIHCP Takes Today To Remember Our Fallen On 911

AIHCP would like to offer its prayers and love to the families who lost loved ones in the 911 attack over ten years ago.  We pray for those who suffered from the crash in PA, the assault in NYC and the strike upon DC.
On this solemn anniversary, we pray for the living and the dead who experienced this assault on our country.   We also would like to give thanks to those who offered their lives in defense of our country after this assault.  Your efforts and sacrifices will not be in vain.
May God bless America
AIHCP
To review our programs, please click here

Certification Program in Grief Counseling: Traumatic Grief Symptoms for Colorado Movie Massacre Survivors

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Traumatic Grief and the Colorado Movie Massacre

The horrendous events in Colorado at the opening of “Batman Dark Knight Rises” has shocked a nation and brought a community into incredible and traumatic grief.  Yet besides the national buzz over better security, terrorism and gun control, the survivors of the horrific event are facing other questions.  Questions that are beyond the the historical event but questions that challenge their very reason of existence.
While Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other symptoms of complicated grief may not affect every survivor, there is a good bet that out of the 58 injured and hundred present that many people will experience these issues.
Traumatic grief is usually caused by a universally and objective heinous action that cripples the mind’s ability to process the grief in a normal fashion.  It is simply to horrible to imagine.  Under its prerequisites are listed sudden deaths, personal encounters with death and deaths that involve intense violence.  Like 911, school shootings and other acts of terrorism, the Colorado movie massacre fits all descriptions of an event that will cause traumatic grief for survivors.

What are the Survivors Feeling?

The survivors of this shooting are probably feeling an array of different symptoms of grief.  All people grieve differently due to subjective elements that make a person unique.  How these subjective elements fuse with an objective event such as this shooting cannot be predicted.  However, if traumatic grief is present in certain individuals, one can safely bet there are basic psychological reactions that are occurring within the survivors.
With all severe emotional trauma noted psychologist, Robert Neimeyer, notes that survivors will be unable to remove various images of the carnage that took place in Colorado.  The traumatic events will flood the brain and vivid memories will stamp themselves to the brain.  These memories will settle in the Amygdala of the brain and will be awakened without conscious control when various senses or stimuli are reminded of the event.  This puts the person in a persistent state where vivid memories can flash back before one’s eyes without any control.
Robert Lifton, an expert in the effects of traumatic grief on people, points out that people can face these demons and seek healing or fall victim to the overwhelming nature of the event and fall into a pit of psychological numbing.  Psychic numbing is a dissociative phenomenon where the “crucial components of the self are simply unavailable to the ego”.  Psychic numbing involves the mind becoming paralyzed to healing and change.  The scars of the event or simply too horrible for the mind to comprehend and, in defense, the mind cuts itself away from these images.  Through this, the cognitive images and the feelings associated with them are severed and unfaced.
In addition to this, the survivors may also be facing a death imprint.  A death imprint is a drastic and intimate dance with death that leaves the person in a state of anxiety.  The event, how one acted in the event and how it all unfolded haunt the person. The survivors in Colorado may well indeed feel helpless as the event replays over and over inside their mind.

Some may also experience death guilt.  The survivors may feel they could have done more.  As young children were shot, adults may feel guilty for ducking errant bullets.  Adults or friends may feel they should have covered or shielded a love one from the spray of gunfire.  Instead of blaming the incarnate demon and madman who opened fired upon the helpless population, those trapped in death guilt only see their own perceived inaction-which i in no way their fault.

How Do They Move On?

This is the ultimate question.  Some will blame God, lose faith, while others will find faith.  Some will show resiliency, while others will be afflicted with traumatic grief.  Ultimately, the pain of this event will be a continued process that will never completely go away.  Those that will recover will learn to live with the pain of the event in a healthy fashion and reconstruct meaning in their life.  As Neimeyer points out, one must find new meaning to life and reconstruct one’s past, present and future life with the traumatic event.  They must learn how this event plays a role in their life. It can never be left in the past, but it does not have to dominate the future.  While this process will be life long and “acceptable” notions of adaptation may vary among survivors, one can only hope through prayer and blessings that these victims can somehow find wholeness.   Grief counselors will without a doubt be called upon to help these people find this wholeness.
While reconstructing new meaning to one’s life is imperative, many people will respond with emotion and follow the various phases of grief in their healing.  One way to connect the traumatic event with the present and future in a constructive way is for survivors to create a survivor mission.  This mission may be through activism and can be utilized to help one face their suffering and find love and future wholeness in their life.
Ultimately this event will not only scar the survivors and the families of the deceased but will also scar the United States and its citizens for years to come.  A place of entertainment, escape from stress, and a place of security has forever been breached and this will have ample reprecussions on the mental state of the country for decades to come.
If you are interested in traumatic grief or other grief related sources, please review the program.
(Information was found through the studies of Neimeyer, Lifton and the text ‘Transfiguring Loss” by Jane Maynard)

Please also review our certification program in grief counseling.
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C