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Become a Certified Grief Counselor: Reality of Evil and Severe Trauma: Newtown Shootings

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling:  The Rise of Evil and Severe Trauma

As modern and Western society continues to degrade into depths of barbarianism not seen since the Dark Ages, modern man finds himself, especially in the West, more shocked at atrocity.  Death imprints and emotional numbing to atrocity were once in the West only made from a distance via media, rarely  affectionate personally.  The necessity of Grief Counseling for more traumatic cases of grief in the last ten years suggests a change in trend.  The West is now becoming accustomed to the grief the rest of the world has known for so long.  Random shootings at malls, or most recent at Newtown has left an indelible mark on America, its people and now its children
The surviving members of the Newtown shootings, and especially the children, now share what children in Africa or the Middle East live as a daily reality.  The shock is no doubt greater because “is this not America?”  Are we not supposedly safe and preserved from such things?  But with the decline of America in every aspect except maybe military might, the domestic front has declined morally, intellectually and socially becoming susceptible to barbaric outbreaks of immense evil.  The fruits of this are now bearing their ugly faces and the new America will not be one of the past.  This unfortunate reality is only our own fault.  As we push God and morality out of the public sphere and replace it with the cult of humanism, broken families will continue to multiply, creating more broken people.
Grief Counselors will be called upon more and more in the future to assist victims.  As these cases increase, there will be an increase of traumatic grief giving way to PTSS and the need for caring and qualified professionals.  It is unfortunate, but a true reality.

Traumatic Grief

Traumatic grief is an intense grief caused by something so horrible and sudden it completely breaks the human heart.  It is most intense when caused by the hands of men without logic or reason.  The case in Newtown is the latest poster for this alarming new trend in America.  Traumatic grief can lead to a variety of future psychological maladies if not treated properly, including severe depression and PTSS.
Everyone will not encounter complications of their traumatic grief.  Only fifteen percent of the population is unable to cope and recover to a form of adaptation, but in all reality, does anyone really ever completely heal from such incidents as Newtown?  The reality is, the pain, the cross, and the tears never completely go away—and rightfully so—because there was a loss; Such a great loss that it would be an injustice to ever forget, or never to shed tears again.  If there were no tears, no natural reaction to such a tragic loss, then the loss never had any value.

Sojourner In Grief

In this way, grief counselors must teach victims of traumatic grief to embrace their pain, their tears and their cross.  It is completely natural and normal to grieve for a very long time.  One cannot even comprehend the depths of anguish one may feel due to the loss of a child.  It is something parents dare not even contemplate much less have to experience.  This is why in the first few weeks at Newtown, a myriad of emotions  will explode in the hearts of these parents.  And with initial response, grief counselors, friends or loved will have to “just be there”.  No words will ease their pain.  Simply by being there with a hug, or even through silent sojourning is the most one can do.
If the parents do wish to talk, it is important to listen.  They need to vent their feelings, whichever direction they may go.  If they express hate for the shooter, allow it.  If they sob and cry without limit, cry with them or hold them if they indicate that need.  This fluctuation will continue and should not be halted until they are ready.
The worst thing that could possible manifest is guilt.  This would be the only time, I would recommend intervention.  Very possibly, a parent may be feeling survivor guilt or even basic guilt in perhaps an argument or punishment the days before with their child.  Do not let parents “beat” themselves up over this.  Reassure them that they loved their child and their child loved them.
Also, keep in mind, these parents may also be mourning over “unopened” Christmas presents.  The parents should be allowed them to keep these gifts as they see fit.  If they wish them to remain by the tree or if they wish to store them in an attic, allow this.  In time, if complicated grieving does not manifest, adaptation will occur and these gifts will be dealt with in a healthy fashion.  Usually via commeration or a ritual.

I do not mean for this to become a mechanical guide of reactions.  It is far from it.  Every grief response is diverse but there are general human reactions that most people share.  One way to really understand the emotions of these poor parents is to put yourself in their shoes.  In this way, the only answer is love.  You would not want to be diagnosed, or told pithy sayings.  The reality is that this is not good.  This is painful.  This is evil.  There is no happy ending in this world.  Good can come from this through the mystery of God—but this is not a time to speak of these things–maybe in a few years.
Whenever crisis occurs, acute and immediate pastoral care does not involve pithy sayings, theological discussions on the problem of evil, the goodness of God and the evil of Satan, but it involves love, understanding and witnessing to the person’s grief.  Assessments are made internally upon any suicidal indications, but overall, the pastoral care and presence is one of a passive sponge, that only soaks everything in, until squeezed by the person.
While I am sure there are many religious traditions that have examples of paradigms of coping in such situations, as a Christian, I can only turn to one.  The pain of Mary seeing her own son, Jesus, executed.  Some may find solace knowing our heavenly friends have also suffered and suffer with us today.  Other may not, but to me, if this evil were to ever strike, this would at least give some solace in the waterfall of tears and emotional devastation that would afflict myself as a parent.
While this blog is not intended for the grieving themselves, but for professionals to help, I hope if any grieving parent reads this, they find solace and some peace in their agony.  We will never trivialize your grief, nor deny it, but suffer with you as one community and one nation.
For those wishing to learn more about grief certification, please review our site.  For those seeking emotional help, know you are not alone and that pastoral ministers, counseling professionals and many people care and will be glad to lend you an ear.
If you would like to become a certified grief counselor, then please review the program as well.

Mark Moran, MA

The Wrong and Right Words During Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Helping the Grieving Person

A grieving person needs emotional support.  The wrong words can be detrimental and counter productive to the person.  Below is a story about what to say and not say.

Gloria Horsley of the Huffington Post  lists many things to say and not say to a grieving person in her article, “What to Say (and Not to Say) to a Grieving Person”

“I was scheduled to be a guest on an early morning radio broadcast from Bakersfield, California. I am a family therapist, bereaved parent and president of Open To Hope, the world’s largest internet site with a mission of helping people find hope after loss.”

To read the entire article, please click here

If you are interested in learning more about helping grieving people, please click here 
A Grief counseling certification can help qualified professionals help others.  Please review our program.

AIHCP

Should Doctors Have A Grasp of Grief Counseling For Patients?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Is Important For Doctors In Their Care of Their Patients

Doctors need to understand the entire treatment of their patients.  It is not just a physical treatments but also mental and emotional.  When grief and loss occurs, many physical problems can occur for a patient.  If a doctor understands grief and grief counseling, he can also better understand his patient and help the person throughout his life.

Medical Express writes about the importance of doctors learning more about grief support in the article, “AAP Provides Grief Counseling Guidance For Peditricians”.

“Esther Wender, M.D., and colleagues from the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, present guidelines to help pediatricians provide support to the parents and any siblings still in his or her practice after the death of a child.”

Read more here

If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program and click here
To become a certified bereavement and grief counselor, you need to take the required courses.  If qualified, you can become certified in grief counseling

AIHCP

Courses in Grief Counseling Training: American Academy of Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

AAGC Site Recognized by Masters in Counseling

We are pleased to learn that “Masters in Counseling” has selected the American Academy of Grief Counseling website to be listed among its 100 top recommended counseling resources site. We are grateful to receive this acknowledgement.  The Masters in Counseling site is a well organized resource for “everything” counseling. We highly encourage our members and our visitors to make use of the site.
Access Masters in Counseling site: click here
If you would like to learn more about grief counseling and bereavement then please review our courses in grief counseling training.

Program in Grief Counseling: Veterans Day and Offshore Memorials

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief and Memorials of Our Lost Brothers Overseas

the grief of never having a father, brother, friend or even now, mother or sister never return home from war is a frightening thought.  While most come home, many memorials in Europe and around the world hold the sacred remains of brave Americans who fought overseas during WWI and beyond.  Thousands of our fallen rest in these offshore locations where their sacrifice for America and the rest of the world is remembered with honor.   Grief counselors should encourage the visiting of these sites for those who still experience the pain of unresolved grief of no return.

Michael Luongo of CNN, writes about oversea burials and cemeteries in his article, ‘Overseas Burial Grounds Honor Fallen Americans”

“Carol Malone never knew her father. She was born in 1942, and her father, U.S. Army Sgt. Victor J. Hubany, was killed in 1944, before he’d been home from war to meet his little girl. She used to watch hours of World War II footage, looking for a glimpse of him.”

To read rest of the article, please click here

If you are interested in Grief Counseling, please review the program and click here.
Please also review our program in Grief counseling
And of course, Happy Veterans Day to all living and deceased veterans.

AIHCP

Sarah York’s "Remembering Well"-An Excellent Guide for Pastoral Professionals

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling Review: Remembering Well

From a standpoint of one who deals with grieving families, this short work is a must have in one’s grief counseling library.   Grief Counselors come across a myriad of issues and challenges in the aftermath of death.  When grief counselors, pastoral counselors, funeral directors, or ministers are asked to aid in the memorial of a lost loved one, it can become a difficult task to deal with in a professional but also compassionate manner.  This text answers many of the problems one will face and helps guide the pastoral professional.
From preparation to guidelines on preparing a soul sketch, “Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death” is an excellent guide.  Beyond the mere planning, the text also helps the pastoral professional deal with unexpected inner family conflicts, types of deaths and even how to help family members beyond the funeral.  Yet far from a clinical text, this book also offers a personal touch of real stories that correlate with the information provided.  This creates an informative work but also a readable story that touches the human heart.

If you are interested in learning more about grief counseling, please also review our program.

Mark Moran, MA

The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying

A new book authored by: Richard Wagner, Ph.D, ACS

A Brief Description
================
The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying is an 8″ x 10″ workbook for enhancing the end of life. It is on the cutting edge of death and dying work. Readers are challenged to liberate themselves from the deadening passivity and isolation that society heaps upon them. They gain perspective on numerous issues related to modern dying…whether it’s filling out a durable power of attorney form, answering provocative questions about sexuality and intimacy, completing a death anxiety survey or personally designing a unique end-of-life plan…readers are totally involved and engaged.

Click here to learn more about this important and exciting book!

If you would like to learn more, please review our program.  As a certified grief counselor, you can help many people overcome and adapt to their grief

Real Men Cry

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling For Grieving Men

The myth that is not manly to grieve is quickly becoming less and less as psychology studies grief patterns.  The myth that men do not grieve or that their grief is more acute but quickly gone is just not true.  The days and images of men as the “Duke” or  Spartan warriors are quickly fading and people are beginning to realize that the existence of grief does not weaken one’s toughness but is a universal experience critical to recovery among all people.  Grief Counseling is at the forefront of helping men grieve without shame and come to a healthy recovery.  With these new approaches towards men, there hopefully will be less unresolved issues of grief and less false images of what it is “to be a man”.

Perry Garfinkel (The New York Times) in his article, “Men In Grief Seek Others Who Mourn As They Do” explores how Sam Feldman dealt with the loss of his wife.  He soon discovered that men grieve like everyone else and deserve a listening ear.

“In 1990, Sam and Gretchen Feldman cashed out on their share of a national chain of men’s apparel stores and retired to Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. There, they devoted their time to volunteer work and an active social calendar.”

To read the entire article, please click here

So if your a man and you are grieving, feel free to shed a tear or remember.  Feel free to talk to others and allow your emotions to show and heal you.  There is nothing unmanlike about crying, especially over something that is truly important and beautiful.
If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program and click here.

AIHCP

Miscarriages and Grief and How to Become a Certified Grief Counselor

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling and Miscarriages and How to become a certified grief counselor

One of the hardest things to grief counsel is a miscarriage.  Miscarriages strip a woman of part of herself.  She feels the intimacy of the lost more than anyone else in the family.  The hormones, the emotion and the lost can become overbearing.  Perhaps the most painful aspect of the loss is that it was unseen.  Without any formal burial or ceremony, it can become a disenfranchised loss.

Clara Hinton writes about this horrible experience many women go through.  In her article, “Miscarriage Is Such An Empty Feeling”, she examines some of the thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms a woman must face. 

“Miscarriage is a loss that is so difficult to explain to others. When child loss occurs through a miscarriage, it very seldom seems real to others because in an early miscarriage there is nothing that solidly validates a new life.” 

If you would like to read the rest of the article, please click here

If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please click here.
AIHCP

Grief Counseling and Hope in Depression

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counselors And Dealing With Depression

The pains of depression can be difficult for a grief counselor to cure.  There is no acute reason usually for depression.  Furthermore, if not an LPC, grief counselors usually need the aid of a psychologist to prescribe any necessary medications.  Below is an article how grief counselors through the gift of hope and faith can help the depressed.

Monica Coleman of the Huffington Post writes about depression and finding hope in her article, “Losing Faith, Finding Hope: A Journey With Depression”.

“Many people describe depression as a kind of intense grief.  It is a deep sadness.  It’s like heartbreak, agony and despair all at once.”

To read the entire article, please click here.

If you are interested in learning more about depression and grief, please review our program and click here.
Mark Moran, MA