Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling

The Healing of the Grieving Child

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Six Reconciliation Needs of the Grieving Child

When children grieve they need to meet various tasks in overcoming their grief and adjusting to the post grief world.  It is also important for grief counselors, parents, and concerned adults to help the grieving child meet these needs to adjust.
The first task or need is for the child to acknowledge the death. In helping a child acknowledge this, it is important for adults to convey the finality and concrete nature of death.  Examples should include telling the child that we will no longer see the body walk, talk or breathe.  In addition to this, it is important for the child to understand that the person is not coming back.
The second need of the child is for the child to accept the pain and loss but while being emotionally cared for by adults.  It is important that a child has a support system that cares for all of the child’s needs so that the child can also grieve.  Adults should encourage a child to express his or her grief during this time.
The third need of the child is to convert the relationship of the lost loved one from “one of presence to one of memory”.  Memorials, scrapbooking, talking about the loved one and giving the child keepsakes all help the child make this transition.
The fourth need is for the child to develop his or her own self identity.  The primary problem for a child after the death of a loved one is their new self perception of who they are without the loved one.  Is the child still “daddy’s little girl” or is she now fatherless?  What other new social constructs will be created with the loss of the loved one that will affect who the child is?  Sometimes one can find a unhealthy identity form called hyper maturing.  The child feels the need to take on a role that the parent or loved one held before their death.  A child needs to find his or her place but a child needs to remain a child and heal.
The fifth need of the child is to find the death within a context of meaning.  This need is for the child to find meaning out of the death and apply it to their life.  This involves acceptance and adaptation.
The final need of the child is for continued adult help.  The child grieves in doses and as the child matures or special holidays come, the child will then need adult love and care when the tears come and go.
If you are interested in helping children grieve in a healthy way, please review the program.  If you are interested in learning about training in child grief counseling, then please review.
(Information for this article was found in “Companioning the Grieving Child” by Alan Wolfelt, PhD)
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Program in Child Grief Counseling: Ten Misconceptions About Grieving Children

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Mistakes Adults Make About Grieving Children

Adults make many mistakes about the nature of child grief.  Maybe they are well intentioned mistakes or maybe the parent or adult merely cannot handle his or her own grief.  Regardless, misconceptions about how to handle grief and children can lead to major problems down the road.  Alan Wolfelt lists ten misconceptions about grief below.
1. Grief and Mourning are the same experience.  The reality is mourning is the external expression of grief.
2. Children Grieve for only a short time.  Grief is a process not an event and children will experience the grief due to the event over period of time that will emerge and submerge over and over again.  One cannot force a child to grow up or get over something.
3. A child’s grief follows an orderly pattern.  Childrens’ grief is unique to each child and can re-emerge through out certain periods of time as the child’s mental functions become more developed and are able to reflect on the death or sad thing.  It is important to remember that children grieve in doses.
4. Infants and Toddlers are to young to mourn.  In fact, when a primary caregiver is taken away, a child experiences grief and anxiety.  Infants need held and loved when a primary caregiver dies.
5. Children will mourn regardless if their parents mourn or not. Actually, children and their grief patterns are based off imitation of their parents.  They can develop healthy habits or bad habits from mom and dad.
6. Grieving children will grow up and become maladjusted adults.   Grief is a natural experience.  It is usually the opposite. Children who do not grieve properly usually face issues as adults.
7. Children are better off if they do not attend funeral.  Children should attend funerals to understand death and be better able to say goodbye.  They should be included in the ritual and informed of what is happening.
8. Children should not cry.  Tears are a natural release for grief.  Children should cry if they are sad.  They should be allowed to be children. Crying has no long term negative affects on a child.
9. Children are too young to understand death and religious beliefs about death.  Children need age appropriate care in explanation of death.  One should also avoid confusing sayings but remain concrete in one’s explanation.  Avoid symbolic language and be very concrete.
10. One should help children get over their grief.  One does not get over grief.  It is a life long process.  Adults need to listen and companion the grieving the child not try to cure grief.  If a child is old enough to love, he is old enough to grieve and needs someone to be there.
This is an important list in avoiding misconceptions when treating or talking to a grieving child.
If you are interested in grief of children, please review the program in child grief counseling.
(Information for this article can be found in “Companioning the Grieving Child” by Alan Wolfelt, PhD)
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Child and Adolescent Grief: Advice from the Companioning the Grieving Child

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Rights for Kids

The improper handling of children grief leads to many future problems for the child.  Well intentioned adults many times offer the wrong advice or entirely ignore the issue at hand.  Alan Wolfelt offers these grief rights to children in their grieving.
1.  The right to have my own unique feeling about death.
2. The right to talk about the death when I feel comfortable to do so
3. The right to express grief how I feel
4. The right to ask and receive help during grief from adults
5. During grief, the right to get upset about normal and everyday problems
6. The right to have grief outbursts
7. The right to use my beliefs about God to help me through my grief
8. The right to examine why my loved one died
9. The right to think about and discuss the memories of the loved one lost
10. The right to move forward and feel my grief over and over until I heal
These rights above help adults understand the proper care for a grieving child.  A child deserves not to be forgotten during grief.  They deserve a certain respect that correlates with their age in their understanding of grief and how it affects them.
If you are interested in child and adolescent grief, please review the program.
(Information for this article is from “Companioning the Grieving Child” by Alan Wolfelt, PhD)
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Adolescent and Child Grief Program

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Children Express Grief Over Fallen Family

Children from the Virginia area where able to meet in a large meeting and ceremony to consolidate their grief in one group in Washington D.C.  The program is for children who have lost loved ones in Afghanistan and allows the children to express grief together over their loss.

SFGATE writes about this in “Good Grief Camp 2012”

“At least 500 children who have lost loved ones in the Afghanistan and Iraq wars  attended the annual four-day “Good Grief Camp” in Arlington, VA and Washington,  DC.”

To read more, click here

The expression of grief by children is key to their recovery and being able to share this with other children was especially beneficial.
If you are interested in the Adolescent and Child Grief Program, please click here.

Death and Child Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Death and Child Grief

The earliest memories of death and its imprint on the young mind can be quite scarring and traumatic for children.  Depending on the level of mental development some children cannot even fathom what death itself means much less grasp the grief that is associated with it.  Eventually as the age of reason comes, the emotional aspect of missing someone correlates with the intellectual reality of what death and missing that someone means in regards to life.  It is within that age of reason that parents or other family members need to address death with children.  Obviously within this objective importance of addressing death, there are subjective cases where prudence will decide how much detail is necessary, but to disenfranchise a child’s grief over the death of a loved one can be traumatic to a child.  Child grief is hence an important thing to understand.
Most professionals and grief counselors believe that death should be addressed to children.  The detail should match the maturity of the child.  The child needs to know so that he or she has a better understanding of why routines or emotional behaviors have changed.  The child also needs reassured that while everyone will eventually die that not everyone is going to “go away” immediately.  By talking, the child can also express his or her fears.  Some of these fears may seem insignificant to an adult mind but may be very real for a child.  Through an open forum, any damaging ideas can be dismissed.
The biggest thing for a child is to let them know things will eventually return to normal and that there is stability and love for them.  They need to know that one’s loved one is never forever gone but only temporarily; if Christian, Christian grief ideas can be applied as well.
Overall, children need to know that their concerns mean something.  One of the biggest mistakes one can make is to keep a child in the dark and not communicate with him or her about a death.  On to many occasions parents neglect the needs of their children while they personally grieve.
Grief counseling and grief counselors can help in these trying times.  Some children may need extra help to express themselves.  In these cases, grief and in some cases professional counseling may be needed by those who specialize in child and adolescent grief counseling.
If you are interested in how to become a child bereavement counselor, then please review.

Child Grief and Bereavement Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Everyone deals with death in their own way, but children are a bit different. Most young children really don’t understand death, even those who do can have a hard time dealing with their feelings. It’s important to make sure kids are getting the care they need during a time when they lost someone close to them.

Child grief  and bereavement counseling is something that any parent should seriously consider. This is a great solution since most kids don’t want to talk to their parents or other family members about their feelings. Most parents don’t even know what questions to ask to make sure their child is dealing with their feelings in a healthy manner.

 How Counseling can Help Children through the Grieving Process

Professionals have the educational background to help children deal with this sort of situation. Each child is going to grieve differently depending on their age and experience with loss in the past. If a child doesn’t feel like they have support they could end up keeping their emotions bottled inside, which could have really dire effects in the future. When kids have a third party to talk to they will be able to let their emotions out and talk about what they are dealing with on the inside. At first these visits might be difficult if the child is resistant, but in time they will get better. Some kids might end up speaking freely; it varies from each different person.
Counselors are going to ask questions to the child that do not scare them. Their main goal is to get an idea of what is going on in their head. The answers that the child gives will help the counselor tailor their questions and conversation for the appointment. Professionals do understand that each child is different, so they don’t handle each one in the same way. When a kid feels comfortable with someone, they will be more encouraged to speak with them about what is going on. No matter what type of death is being dealt with, a child needs to speak with someone about it. Child grief counseling can make all the difference with how someone grows up and deals with other situations. When parents aren’t able to get a child to talk, counseling is a great option to consider. This is a sensitive subject that many parents are uncomfortable dealing with since they aren’t sure what they should do or say.

 What Children Will Learn by Going to Child Grief Counseling

Losing a parent, grand parent, sister, brother, or other family members is going to be really difficult for any child. When they go to see a professional counselor they can actually come out of the experience a lot stronger than they were before. This can help them deal with death in the future, since it’s inevitable. Most kids will cry and talk about their feelings, but they need to have a well-rounded idea of what death is and how it will change their life forever. A counselor will be able to explain what death really is and help them learn tools for dealing with grief. A child needs to know that it’s alright to cry and that they should talk to someone about their feelings. When they know that it’s alright to let their feelings show, they are less likely to bottle them up inside. If they don’t feel comfortable talking with a family member, a counselor is a great alternative.
Some tools that can help any child grieve include: to be honest about their feelings, realizing that death is a part of life, crying is good and memories can help out a lot. Children can easily learn how to cherish memories and feel good about them instead of feeling sad. Some kids end up keeping a journal filled with their emotions while others find a friend they can talk to. Either of these are great to have when it comes to grieving. These tools are going to help any child deal with death instead of constantly feeling depressed.
Child grief and bereavement counseling is something that any parent should consider for their child. This will give their son or daughter a safe space where they can talk with someone about what they are feeling. They will learn tools that help them feel better about the situation. Although it’s a sensitive subject, it has to be taught to kids to give them a brighter future.

Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Education Program

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

lonely sad girl on the dark beach

Thank you for visiting our AIHCP web blog. This category of the blog focuses on the specialty practice of Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Education Program. Our blog provides our visitors and professional members and students an ever expanding platform for related articles, information, discussions, event announcements and much more. We invite your participation by posting comments, information, sharing and authoring for our blog. Please visit us often and be sure to book mark us!

To become certified by the Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling Education Program, one needs to take the core courses.  Those qualified can become certified. Certification lasts three years and must be renewed.

Also keep in mind, the program is for certified grief counselors who wish to make child grief a specialty area.

Welcome to the American Institute of Health Care Professionals Blog!

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

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