Health Coaching has been around for years. Yet until now is has been relatively unknown. In an article by Cheryl Miller from the Health Intelligence Network has a great Q and A on the Health Coach field.
Interactions are Key to Health Coaching.
If you want to learn about becoming a health coach or are interested in learning more about the health care coaching field, please visit our website.
Divorce and broken romantic relationships are never the first thought that emerges as one meets that special someone. Ideas of happiness, security, and fidelity are the thoughts that emerge in one’s mind instead of anger, sadness and betrayal. God in the Garden, created male and female to complement one another in a state of friendship, love and
companionship. Later, Christ, would cement this union in the indissoluble bond of marriage. He would raise it to a level of a holy sacrament, sanctifying the natural bond of companionship to that of a holy bond reflecting the love of the Trinity.
While these Christian ideals exist in both mind and world, we still nevertheless see ideals that are sometimes not met in a fallen world; a world where Lucifer, the hater of the marriage and love, hopes to corrupt with divorce and hate. This sad reality affects many good people and spiritual counselors have the difficult task of rebuilding the wholeness of the person to the former self. Christ, while denouncing divorce, nevertheless understands the failures and deficiencies of certain partners. Christ realizes that while many hope to fulfill their sacred vow of “for better or worst”, there still exist many who will undermine the good intentions of their partner. This is the sad reality of the real world, and while ideals of Christian excellence still exist, these ideals are becoming more and more obsolete and distant in a corrupt, narcissistic and immoral world that hopes for ease and pleasure in every human action. This article will look review three concepts regarding broken relationships. First, we will review false notions. Second, we will look into some grief concepts of attachment theory and grief recovery and finally, we will look at some sociological reactions we see from broken individuals of divorce. All of this, however, will be guided and illuminated via a Christian perspective that hopes to alleviate the suffering of the broken in this fallen world.
It is the true that the era of fixing something if it is broke is over. Instead, the modern generation with its lack of patience or work ethic, would much rather throw something that is broke away. We see it in every aspect in life. Advertising floods our minds with if something is outdated, upgrade. Far gone are notions of repairs on the simple things in life. Instead of sewing a shirt that loses a button, materialism pushes one to buy an entire new shirt. While these analogies are a far cry from actual human interaction, one cannot dismiss the modern world view of quick fixes and minimal effort or “out it goes”. When such detrimental philosophies exist, can one not expect it to permeate other aspects of life? If one simply infuses secular
humanism, materialism, moral relativism, and other “isms” that promote self over others, then one can understand why relationships also fail and divorce rates rise.
What then to look for? When two people come for counseling, what personalities manifest? While the Church attempts in Pre-Cana to pin point potential ethical and moral differences among couples, it sometimes cannot find everything. Sometimes existing deep within the soul of a partner is a person not known. Hence the frequent comments of “he or she changed” or “he or she was not the person I thought he or she was” are heard in mass quantity. The marriage counselor looks to discover what is now missing from those once blissful “honeymoon” days. What went wrong and who was at fault? In the end, many of the issues can point to the previous paragraph and the many social “isms” listed. This is why it is so imperative for people to truly know one another beyond the physical. While the Church strictly forbids pre-marital sex, a counselor still must exist in the reality of the world. Most couples, even Christian, partake in pre-marital sex. In many cases, the relationship becomes sex. With this comes a flood of emotional bonds that are only meant for husband and wife. Obviously this pre-martial chastity feat is easier said than done, especially when emotions run high and sex is seen everywhere in our social media. Yet, the distortion sex can play in regards to one’s true emotional bond and who someone is can play a major deceptive force. In the end, no one can separate emotion from the physical act of conjugation. Even the most ardent hedonist or narcissist will become attached or emotional in some way, albeit selfish, with someone who frequents their bed chamber. It is inevitable. It is perhaps these reasons why one sees so many divorces. People do not truly know each other and there exists more than ever a series of “isms” and ideals that are contrary to the gospel. With marriage becoming a contract instead of a covenant, this alarming trend will continue and people will suffer heart break.
The second thing a Christian Counselor should consider is the actual grief recovery process. Attachment is a very powerful part of human existence. Attachment Theory first promoted by John Bowlby looked at the intimate bond infants and children had for their parents. Humans as social creatures must form bonds. Healthy social skills that promote bond building are essential in human psychological development. When these attachments are torn away, it can produce great stress and emotional pain to the individual. These attachments are also important in romantic love. The intensity of the sexual act only intensifies most bonds. Hence the intensity of the bond correlates with the intensity of the grief and time of recovery. While most people are resilient, pathological grief reactions can occur that lead to depression or other forms of complicated grief after divorce. Those who are more prone to intense grief reactions are usually the ex-spouses who were more dependent, financially as well as emotionally, upon the ex-lover. Betrayal, abuse and false expectations can also intensify the grief reaction.
The sudden loneliness and anxiety that follows a breakup can also intensify the grief reaction. In addition to the shock that everything was an illusion and the adaption that accompanies this horrifying change, partners are now finding themselves in their big lonely bed by themselves. The smallest scent or image can produce a tidal wave of emotional imagery that brings the person to tears over the loss of a relationship. Unfortunately there are no short cuts in this tale and everyone must work through their grief and adapt and format the loss of a relationship into their new life story. While the scars
remain, one is able to adjust, grow and find wholeness. The past chapters will always remain in one’s life story, but they do not have to be the chapters that dominate the theme of the overall tale. Via counseling, prayer and a strong relationship with Christ one again can find wholeness and love; a love that transcends mere human bonds, but a love for Christ that heals and allows one to love him or herself again.
Social Reactions
Crawling out of the hole of divorce, however, is far from easy. While emotional issues tear at one, one is also besieged with legal and financial issues that can further cripple one emotionally. This is even intensified more when children and change of living conditions occur that result in alterations of household traditions. No longer does there exist certainty but only doubt. This leads to a large array of different sociological reactions to divorce that are beyond the mere stress and depression. People simply become different than their usual self during this difficult transition. Some people become distant from the opposite sex. Cynical and doubting of any person worthy of trust, these individuals either avoid intimacy or seek it only for pleasurable purposes with no true meaning. They fear commitment because they do not wish to be hurt, but their desires to satisfy the loneliness drive them to find something. Some find that something in random sexual friends, drugs, or off the wall adventures. Others are the opposite. They are in such a desperate state that they hope to capture the essence of any relationship to fill their void. In many cases, these rebound relationships end in disaster. The reality is they cannot find happiness in themselves due to the break up, so they seek it in other people. They seek the “relationship” and correlate it with any face. They forget that the relationship is the byproduct of the person and not vice versa. With these confusing times, some find resiliency eventually, while others search in the dark for any light they can find. In these cases, counseling is needed to help the person find wholeness.
Wholeness in Christ
Ultimately, finding this wholeness again and healing the deep wounds of divorce is a spiritual endeavor and trek. It cannot happen fast, but is a process. Like any process, there will be oscillation of emotion. There will be “better days” and there will be “bad days” but ultimately the process if guided correctly will lead the person out of this valley of despair.
Wholeness is best found in Christ. Through the church, prayer, support groups, the sacraments (for Catholics) and true friends, one is able to overcome the over whelming change. They are able to identify that the past will not define their future. They will be able to love themselves and seek not what they think they need, but only what Christ wills for them. By accepting and carrying one’s cross and accepting the will of the Father, one begins the first step of healing. Christian suffering identifies crosses throughout one’s life and utilizes them to become stronger in one’s faith in Christ and to share in
his suffering. Once one submits their will to Christ and embraces their cross, then and only then will they discover the sweetness of its weight and the company of Christ who burdens most of their pain. Through that company in suffering, one again will rise from the ashes, become whole, and find new beginnings in greater chapters of their life story.
If you are interested in the Christian Counseling Certification, please review the program.
Also please review our online certification program in Christian Counseling
Mark Moran, MA, SCC-C, GC-C
Managing stress should be a priority. Pressure from work can be a good thing. It can keep us focused and helps us meet our goals. Stress from work, however, is not. Learning to manage stress is something we should all try to achieve. It will lead to lower anxiety levels, higher production levels, and a more relaxed state of mind. If you are like most people, you are wondering what causes stress and what can be done about it? An article wrote by Carole Spiers from GulfNews.com has more:
The article, “Managing Pressure At Work: Best practice in stress management”, by Carole Spiers
“Many people who were unable to attend last week’s keynote address Show Stress Who’s Boss that I delivered to Dubai Knowledge Village Training delegates, wrote to me to ask whether I could cover some of the highlights of that presentation in my column, so here is a synopsis.”
For the full article please go here.
Once you know the causes of stress and what it can (mental and physically) do to you, you can create a plan of action. Managing stress can be as easy as avoiding your triggers or taking time out of your day to relax and take a minute for yourself. Lastly simply understanding that you are not alone can ease stress and effectively manage stress as well. Just let your HR department know you are feeling overly pressured and ask if they have any procedures in place to help with employee moral. If you wish to learn more about stress management you might want to give our stress management consulting page a visit.
The role of the social worker case manager in health care settings is basically to assist individuals and families in obtaining the required resources and navigating different systems of social service. Case management or care coordination is not the responsibility of the social
workers alone, but it is a key aspect in the practice of social work. According to the National Association of Social Workers, social worker case managers are specially trained people who coordinate care.
A social worker case manager handles many functions. Some of the key functions that they handle are the following: Collaborating with patients, their families and doctors and coordinating a care plan. Providing information as regards treatment plans. Arranging for home health services, transportation, etc., after discharge. Helping patients cope with acute, chronic or terminal illnesses such as AIDS, cancer, Alzheimer’s, etc. Setting up conferences between patients, families and doctors. Providing information about spiritual services. If such services are requested by patients, the social worker case manager has to make arrangements for obtaining the same. Collecting and providing information as regards financial assistance as well as community programs which may be of great help to patients once they are discharged. Prioritizing cases assigned to them. Reaching out and assessing the urgent needs of patients. Keeping thorough records for each and every case, including details of every call, visits to the patient’s home and referrals. Maintaining the confidentiality of the patients. Analyzing the mental and physical health of the patients. Counseling patient’s individually and also in group settings. Networking with various external agencies to organize support services according to the needs of the patients. Assisting with paperwork involved in Medicare, insurance and Medicaid.
A social worker case manger must have sufficient knowledge and expertise to work with patients form varied ethnic, economic and cultural backgrounds. They must also develop their skills to handle multidimensional symptom management, bereavement, etc. Their job responsibilities also include enhancement of quality of life and promotion of well-being of patients, caregivers and families.
In general, the practice is to assign one social worker to one patient in order to ensure care continuity. The social worker care manager must strive to build a relationship with the patient and his/her support system and assist in the identified areas of need. Typically, most health care settings keep a social worker on-call to meet the urgent requirements of patients and families.
In order to work as a social worker case manager, it is important that an individual possess a bachelor’s or graduate degree in social work. A bachelor’s degree in psychology or sociology is also accepted by some employers as it will ensure that he/she has acquired the knowledge, skill and experience to function as a social worker case manger. Some hospitals may require the prospective candidates for the position of social worker case manger to have a master’s degree in social work. This is because the master’s degree prepares students to perform clinical assessments. Certificates obtained after successfully completing the programs offered by the American Academy of Case Management show potential employers that the holder of the certificate has the knowledge and skill to do the job well. All states require those working as case mangers to hold a relevant certification or license. In most states, it is essential for candidates to have a minimum of 3,000 hours of supervised experience in order to obtain the license.
The National Association of Social Workers defines the core functions of the social worker case manger as follows: Engagement,Assessment,Planning,Coordination,Advocacy,Evaluation, and Disengagement.
For instance, a social worker case manager working in a hospital with an elderly patient may meet the patient and assess the need for providing meals-on-wheels to him/her. The case manger will then make the required phone calls to organize the service for the patient, advocate for restrictions on diet and then follow up to ensure that the service is provided to the patient.
Summarizing, the services of social worker case managers are essential in a number of health care facilities that include clinics, retirement homes, hospitals and rehabilitation centers. In fact, the role of the social worker case manager is crucial for the smooth operation of many health care facilities. Professional organizations like the National Association of Social Workers provide ample opportunities through networking efforts.
One of the most difficult things that a family member can go through is having to make a important medical decision regarding a loved one who is unable to speak for himself or herself. The stress of making such a decision in a hospital or nursing home can be overwhelming to those making the decision. Additionally, if there is any disagreement within the family about what course of medical action to take regarding the loved one, the situation can only become worse. The living will can help relieve some of the burden in difficult times when a difficult medical decision is required.
The living will is a type of advanced health care directive used to instruct medical personnel about what measures to take on a patient who is incapacitated and unable to make informed decisions about his or her healthcare. Two other forms of advanced health care directives include a power of attorney and a health care proxy. The various directive forms work alone or in tandem to provide instruction to doctors and nurses. It is important not to confuse a living will with a living trust, which is a form of estate planning that distributes a person’s assets after his or her death. This information is brought to you by our legal nurse consultation post on our blog.
It is essential to have a living will because it informs medical personnel and your family of what kind of medical treatment you want in case you are unable to speak for yourself. This can include instructions for what you want to happen in the event of an accident that leaves you in a permanent vegetative state or instructions how to handle your medical care if you have a terminal illness which progresses to the point of you being incapacitated. A living will should be written by a lawyer to ensure that it is legal and will serve its purpose if the need arises.
A living will generally describes the types of treatment you desire in the event you become incapacitated. For example, if you are in a vegetative state after an accident or other medical event, a living will can instruct your doctors whether or not to keep you alive through the use of ventilators, feeding tubes or other medical means. Other treatments often described in a living will include whether to administer pain relief, perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation, or provide hydration.
The living will only becomes effective if a doctor certifies you as being terminally ill or otherwise permanently incapacitated. For example, if you have a heart attack and are unconscious laying in a hospital, but expected to recover and regain consciousness, your living will does not come into effect. You will still receive life saving medical treatment even though your living will stipulates that you do not want life prolonging medical procedures. That is an important distinction and essential to understand. A living will only comes into effect if you are terminally ill, in a permanent vegetative state or permanently mentally incapacitated.
If the situation ever arises where you are incapacitated and unable to speak for yourself, but your medical condition is not terminal or permanent, you should use a health care power of attorney or a health care proxy. Either one of these documents allow you to provide a third party, usually a family member or close friend, the legal authority to make health care decisions on your behalf in the event you are unable to express your wishes.
Being proactive and having both a health care proxy and the living will is both a responsible and loving thing to do. It removes the burden of making extremely difficult decisions from your family members if and when the time arrives. You do not need to be terminally ill to have the living will.
To set up the living will and health care power of attorney, consult a lawyer who specializes in these documents in the state where you live. But before you consult with a lawyer, talk to your doctor about the different scenarios when a living will might be needed and what your options are for each scenario. It’s important to make an informed decision now, so your wishes are known in the event the living will becomes effective. Each state has slightly different variations in terminology and living will laws so a lawyer’s help is crucial. Additionally, once your living will is written, keep it in a safe place. Make sure your doctor and the person you select to have health care power of attorney know of its existence. Your living will does no good to you if nobody knows that it has been written. For more information on health care directives, you may want to consult a legal nurse consultant.
A lot of literature about grief is overwhelmingly death orientated. While death is a universal experience it is still not an everyday thing. True, the loss of a loved permeates one’s daily life long after the event, but the actual event is singular and for the more fortunate, not nearly as regular. The reality is most people go to counseling or grief therapy for a relationship loss.
The Pains and Grief of the Heart
Grief counselors deal with many people who are devastated by divorce, a cheating spouse, a broken engagement, or the sudden change of not having that person to call, hold, or spend time with. These aspects are very common to the human experience. With proper guidance, the wounds become scars and help one grow emotionally and sometimes spiritually.
The loneliness and the un-needed anxiety people experience in finding a mate can be stressful enough for some, but when one truly believes they found the one, only to be shocked that everything was an illusion can be a horrifying change. Changes in life style from the tiniest schedule can shake the foundation of that person’s life. Even the smallest scent or image can bring a tidal wave of emotional imagery. Unfortunately there are no short cuts in this adaptation period. As so many grief specialists emphasize, one must do their “grief work”. They must experience the change the emotional pain that accompanies it. Of course, as death, there is the acceptance stage, the emotional stage of anger and mourning, and the final adaptation to the new situation. A good grief counselor will guide the broken person through these phases and encourage emotional release in the healing process. Only after these initial steps, can the person utilize new meaning concepts to a new reality and properly place the lost relationship in its proper perspective of his or her life story.
The question arises why does this adaptation take so long for some people? It all varies based upon the level of attachment. Attachment theory is a theory that was used in great depth with widows or widowers in their loss of a spouse. The same can be applied to broken relationships that do not involve death, but separation. The attachment will determine the length of the adaptation to the person. So, if someone was in a relationship for many years and suddenly the relationship ceased, one should expect a greater withdrawal and more intense and lengthy adaptation period. The opposite can be said for a short two month affair where there is little attachment and hence less adaptation.
As a grief counselor, it is important not to only deal with death but also every day pains of the heart. Proper understanding of attachment can help one assess the situation and lay a ground work for eventually adaptation and assimilation of the past into the person’s present. One can never give a time frame for recovery, but with a special guidance, a grief counselor can help a person understand the phases and steps and help them take the necessary steps for a happy future with someone else. if you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program.
Our grief counseling courses are offered online and after completion of the grief counseling courses, one can become eligible for certification if qualified.
By Mark Moran, MA, GC-C
The question of the future is a universal query of all men. The unknown fascinates and scares the human mind. These questions while natural also can lead to dangerous routes for Christians. Obsession with the future can become a major distraction to one’s spirituality and mental health as well as spiritual dangers with the dark one.
Christian Spiritual Advisors need to guide their clients away from these distractions and darker places. On to many occasions, Christians flee to the advice of mediums or spiritualists whose talents rest in the occult. Christian Counselors need to remind their clients that these avenues are dangerous and at best are cheap tricks by Satan. The future can only come from God.
Is this to insinuate that foreseen knowledge is entirely evil? The reality is God does reveal the future in Scripture and through various prophets and mystics who are blessed with a spiritual ability. The trouble is discernment with who possesses a God driven gift from God and who utilizes the powers of Satan.
Christian Counselors, however, while acknowledging legitimate sources from God, should try to push their clients into focusing more on their present spirituality. To many times people focus on tomorrow instead of focusing on now. There certainly will be no tomorrow if one does not live the present. With this in mind, one should live day by day and while hoping for a good future, not become obsessed with it so that it damages the present. If you are interested in the Christian Counseling Certification Program, please review it.
The Program in Christian Counseling Education is open for qualified counselors who wish to spread the light of Christ.
A Sojourner is one who has the empathy and compassion to commit the time and energy to travel into the darkness of grief with another one. As a counselor, it is not always about making the person feel better but helping them face grief and overcome it. What is wanted is healing and emotional health that lasts more than a few minutes.
A vocation is a special thing that should not be taken lightly. Whether it is a minister, priest, nun or religious, all vocations are gifts to this world from God. As a Spiritual Director, one should take this very seriously when counseling potential vocations.
If you would like to become trained as a Christian Counselor, then please review the program.
By Mark Moran, MA