Author: Dominick Flarey

Christian Perspective: What is True Union with God?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Perspectives on Union with God

So many times we get caught up in the romance and excitement of anything in life.  The same is true with spirituality.  Many are deceived by false promises of Eastern religions that teach deification instead of unification.  New Agers, free lance spiritualists and other pseudo Christians speak of the marvels of the East and how one can astral project oneself or become unified with an entity and learn secret and lost wisdom.  Some also boast within the West of great raptures or locutions and visions.  Extraordinary miracles and spiritual favors are equal to union in their mind.  The Christian perspective does not see union in such ways and Christian Counselors need to guide their spiritual children away from such ideals.

While God sometimes does dispose upon the soul various gifts and charisms, union, at least in the temporal reality, is far from glamorous.  It involves a deviation from our fallen nature and a submission of our will to God’s will.  It demands humility, obedience and love of creator and aversion to materialism in this world.  Divine Union is not always filled with rapture but on many occasions is filled with aridity and solitude.  It on many occasions seeks one to choose the hard road instead of the easy road.  Yet be rest assured, one is traveling the correct road which will lead one to paradise when one seeks union with God.  As pilgrims in this temporal reality, union with God gives us a glimpse of heaven but for those who truly seek union, it is not about reward but only love.

Union is a love that is beyond the good feelings upon the outset of a relationship.  Instead it is the love that carries one from the hardships of day to day.  It seeks no reward but only reciprocity of love from the lover.  This type of union hopes to tie the soul to God so intimately, that the two wills become one.  Through this fervent and deep love, the soul progress spiritually while it learns to oppose its illicit desires.
I would like to list various quotes from saints on the issue on union.  These saints represent a universal theology of union that is applicable to both Protestant and Catholics.

The object of all virtues is to bring us into union with God, in which alone is laid up all the happiness that can be enjoyed in this world. Now, in what does this union properly consist? In nothing save a perfect conformity and resemblance between our will and the will of God, so that these these two wills are absolutely alike—-there is nothing in one repugnant to the other; all that one wishes and loves, the other wishes and loves; whatever pleases or displeases one, pleases or displeases the other.—-St. John of the Cross

Those deceive themselves who believe that union with God consists in ecstasies or raptures, and in the enjoyment of Him. For it consists in nothing except the surrender and subjection of our will with our thoughts, words and actions, to the will of God and it is perfect when the will finds itself separated from everything, and attached only to that of God, so that every one of its movements is solely and purely the volition of God. This is the true and essential union which I have always desired, and which I constantly ask of the Lord. Oh, how many of us there are who say this, and who think we desire only this! But, wretched that we are, how few are ever to attain it!—-St. TeresaUnion with God takes place in three ways: by conformity, by uniformity, and by deformity. Conformity is a complete subordination of our will to the Divine Will in all our actions, and in all occurrences and events, so that we will and accept all that God wills and sends, however painful and repulsive it may be. Uniformity is a close union of our will with the Divine Will, by which we will, not only all that God wills, but we will it solely because He wills it, and so all repugnance’s are banished. Deformity is a transformation which renders our will one with that of God, so that it is no longer conscious of itself, as if it were no longer in existence, but only feels in itself the Divine Will, and, as if it were changed into it, no longer desires in any of its acts and operations anything, even what is most holy, with or through the created will, but only in the uncreated, made its own by transformation.—-Fr. Achilles Gagliardi

So great is the delight which the Angels take in executing the will of God, that if it were His will that one of them should come upon earth to pull up weeds and root out nettles from a field, he would leave Paradise immediately and set himself to work with all his heart, and with infinite pleasure.—-Bl. Henry Suso

We ought to submit to the will of God, and be content in whatever state it may please Him to put us; nor should we ever desire to change it for another, until we know that such is His pleasure. This is the most excellent and the most useful practice that can be adopted upon earth.—-St. Vincent de Paul

Perfect resignation is nothing else than a complete moral annihilation of thoughts and affections, when one renounces himself totally in God, that He may guide him as He wills and pleases, as if one no longer knew or cared for either himself or anything else except God. It is thus that the soul, so to speak, loses itself in God, not, indeed as to its nature, but as to the appropriation of its powers.—-Bl. Henry SusoTo lose ourselves in God is simply to give up our own will to Him. When a soul can say truly, “Lord, I have no other will than Thine,” it is truly lost in God, and united to Him.—-St. Francis de Sales

If you give yourself to the practice of holy abandonment, though you may not perceive that you gain at all, you will, in fact, advance greatly, as it is with those who sail upon the open sea with favorable winds, trusting wholly to the care of the pilot.—-St. Francis de Sales
In this holy abandonment springs up that beautiful freedom of spirit which the perfect possess, and in which there is found all the happiness that can be desired in this life; for in fearing nothing, and seeking and desiring nothing of the things of the world, they possess all.—-St. Teresa

When we have totally abandoned ourselves to the pleasure of God, submitting without any reserve our will and affections to His dominion, we shall see our souls so united to His Divine Majesty that we shall be able to say with that perfect model of Christians, St. Paul: “In myself I no longer live, but Jesus Christ in me.”—-St. Francis de Sales

The soul which remains attached to anything, even to the least thing, however many its virtues may be, will never arrive at the liberty of the Divine union. It matters little whether a bird be fastened by a stout or a slender cord—-as long as he does not break it, slender as it may be, it will prevent him from flying freely. Oh what a pity it is to see some souls, like rich ships, loaded with a precious freight of good works, spiritual exercises, virtues and favors from God, which, for want of courage to make an end of some miserable little fancy or affection, can never arrive at the port of divine union, while it only needs one good earnest effort to break asunder that thread of attachment! For, to a soul freed from attachment to any creature, the Lord cannot fail to communicate Himself fully, as the sun cannot help entering and lighting up an open room when the sky is clear.—-St. John Chrysostom

To arrive at perfect union, there is needed a total and perfect mortification of the senses and desires. The shortest and most effectual method of obtaining it is this: As to the senses whatever pleasing object may offer itself to them, unconnected with pure love to God, we should refuse it to them instantly, for the love of Jesus Christ, who in this life neither had nor desired to have any pleasure except to do the will of His Father, which He called His food. If, for example, there should arise a fancy or wish to hear or see things which do not concern the service of God or lead especially to Him, we should deny this fancy, and refrain from beholding or hearing these things; but if this is not possible, it is sufficient not to consent with the will. Then as to the desires, we should endeavor to incline always to what is poorest, worst, most laborious, most difficult, most unpleasant, and to desire nothing except to suffer and be despised.—-St. John of the CrossWhen I see some persons very anxious about being attentive in prayer, and keeping their heads bowed while occupied in it, as if they did not dare to stir in the least, or to move even in thought, that the joy and sensible devotion they have may not leave them even in the slightest degree; this shows me how little they understand the road which leads to union, while they imagine that the whole affair consists in keeping their thoughts fixed. No, no, the Lord desires works. Therefore, when things present themselves to be done, to which obedience or charity obliges you, do not at all regard losing that devotion and enjoyment of God, that you may give Him pleasure by doing these things; for they will lead you more quickly than the others to holy union.—-St. Teresa

Self-will, as God says by the Prophet, is what spoils and corrupts our devotions, labors, and penances. Therefore, not to lose time and trouble, we must endeavor never to act from the impulse of nature, interest, inclination, temper, or caprice, but always from the pure and single motive of doing the will of God, and accustom ourselves to this in all things. This is the most effectual, nay rather the only means of arriving safely and quickly at union with God.—-St. Vincent de Paul

To attain union with God, all the adversities that He sends us are necessary; for His only aim is to consume all our evil inclinations from within and from without. Therefore, slights, injuries, insults, infirmities, poverty, abandonment by friends and relatives, humiliations, temptations of the devil and many other things opposed to our human nature—-all are extremely needed by us, that we may fight until by means of victories we have extirpated all our evil inclinations, so that we may feel them no longer. Nay more, until all adversities no longer seem bitter to us, but rather sweet for God, we shall never arrive at the divine union.—-St. Catherine of Genoa

As Christian Counselors who seek better meditative ideals, it is important to realize as we progress towards God that we must start simply loving God and submitting our will to him everyday.  We should do this without seek of reward but only love.  The rest will fall into place as Our Lord wills.

Mark Moran, MA

Humility is Truth

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Humility Reflects the True Nature of What We Are

Some people need to drink a “tall glass of reality”.  Their narcissistic self love dilutes their sense of reality and enhances their false value in the world.   Conquered by the vice of pride and guided by only material pursuits, they lose value of truth; the truth that without God we are nothing.  When counseling against the vice of pride, one must turn to the virtue of humility.
Humility is an important virtue because it reflects truth.  In the case of Christ, his humility reflected love.  Christ’s humility never reflected any insignificance since he was perfect but instead showed us how someone so powerful and mighty should act in this world.  His humility showed example and pure love.  So much love, that he allowed himself to be taken and crucified.  How much more are we asked to do?  How more important is humility to fallen creatures who are truly imperfect?  Our Lord, the perfect paradigm, teaches us that humility is a prerequisite for understanding our role in this world.   With this, how foolish do some stars or vain individuals seem when they boast or brag of such meager accomplishments?

If humility helps us reflect truth, then we should all strive for it.  We need to find it so we can find our true self and understand how truly helpless we are.  As Lucifer imaged himself greater than he was, we must emulate Mary who found herself, although a queen, a mere handmaid.  The important part is while Lucifer had delusions of grandeur, Mary understood, despite her great grace, that she nevertheless was a creature of God and anything given to her was a gift.  In reward for this great humility and understanding of reality, she would, as the Book of Revelations relates, crush the head of the serpent.

How can Christian Counselors help people who are plagued with delusions of greatness?   The first step is to open their eyes.  People need to understand that they are fallen creatures who without grace and the death of Christ would be pawns of Satan.  With the sin of Adam destroying their spiritual immune system, they would fall easily into sin and their own inherent distorted desires.  Hence, all good flows from one source and that source is Christ.  Second,  people must realize it is through grace that one is capable of good action.  Our fallen nature, while still retaining the image of God, nevertheless, is still weakened due to the sin of Adam.  Even though the ransom has been paid, the scars of Adam have left their mark on our souls.  In this temporal reality, we must strive and reach out to God for mercy and spiritual grace.  It is through this cry for help that man realizes he is nothing without the grace of God.
St. Teresa of Avila speaks about this in great detail.  She emphasizes that if one is praised for good, they should deflect the praise to the source of that good which is God.  If someone does something good, one should respond to praise with a simple remark: “The grace of Our Lord disposed me to this good action and I am thankful for that”.
The devil despises humility and he will attempt to uproot it with all his might.  He will give praise and exaltation for simply good works in hope of inflating one’s ego.  This is why the saints detested praise or remarks of sanctity.  It sincerely bothered them.  They feared the traps of the evil one and also understood their good works and deeds were only at the mercy of God and his grace.  They did not want any praise deflected from the savior to be tied to them.  This was not a false humility but a true fear.  Only after prayer and understanding did they realize it was the will of God that they share their talents and become physical examples and images for God’s greater glory.
In this way, any talent, or grace they possessed was acknowledged and not denied; however, it was acknowledged in such a way that it identified the source and gave thanks to that source.  We should strive in such ways as well because only through the uncracked mirror of humility can we see ourselves as we truly are.
If you are interested in learning about Christian Counseling, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

Counseling One Through the Mansions of St Teresa’s Interior Castle

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

A Counseling Guide to the Interior Castle

The title of this blog suggests a massive undertaking.  To supply one with a complete narrative and counseling guide to St. Teresa’s Interior Castle would take volumes and would require one with an acute expertise of the writings of St. Teresa.  While I encourage such a work, I am here to only highlight some ideas found in the Interior Castle that can be utilized in Christian Counseling.
When a soul regains it spiritual sight, it naturally seeks entry into the castle of God. The key to this entry is prayer and meditation.  St. Teresa emphasizes as a soul reaches inside and searches out God, it must first pray and meditate.  A soul that cannot pray is like a body that is paralyzed.  It cannot move, nor find its way.  St. Teresa here teaches counselors that we must re-introduce those who have fallen to prayer.  We must encourage it and guide them in it.  Only through the Holy Spirit can souls be won.
The initial mansions of St. Teresa all deal with the re-entry into the castle.  These mansions are filled with good souls, but nonetheless souls who battle everyday with their fallen nature.  They are tied to unnecessary business of the world.  Some are tied to material possessions or various vices.  Yes, these souls have spiritual sight, but the will is tied to the demands of the flesh.  The curse of Adam flows through our veins and taunts our good intentions.  This constant battle requires fortitude but also most importantly prayer.
The souls of the first mansions seek prayer, good works and ultimately their Master in Christ. In the same way, counselors should understand that they are dealing with people who wish and seek conversion.  Yet during this phase of conversion, the devil also hopes to lead astray and deceive.  St. Teresa emphasizes discernment during this period.  Counselors too must discern various movements within the soul.  The soul as it enters deeper into the various mansions that are closer to God is experiencing an amazing transformation–but in its earliest phases, the zeal must be monitored and guided toward its proper end.  This is an awesome time for a Christian Counselor to see his or her spiritual child filled with the spirit, but it is also a time of great caution and guidance.  The spiritual child will need to know where and what to infuse its energies into and behold–the devil lays many traps that could lead them down the wrong road.  One needs to only look at the New Age Movement and its many false doctrines regarding meditation and union.
In helping cultivate one’s spiritual child, St. Teresa offers much advice but these two ideas stood out to me.  First, beyond what has been said regarding prayer and meditation, one must start to live for Christ.  One must see beyond the illusion of this world and seek Christ’s will.  Only through union of wills can union with God ever happen.  Second, St. Teresa is very insistent that one must find Christ in one’s neighbor.  If our life and ministry revolves around self instead of others, then we will never find union with God.  In this way, the soul submits itself to the will of God in service of others.  Through this service, the interior of the soul is rewarded greatly and the love for Christ grows until one enters the deeper mansions.
The deeper mansions may be places we have never been, much less our spiritual children.  One can only imagine the joy we can feel if one of our spiritual children enters into these depths and teaches us!  These deeper levels analogously reflect the soul’s engagement with Christ.  Here the soul learns to purge itself of this world and a love for Christ overflows.  The soul here is more apt to visions of the spiritual and intellectual and other various locutions or joys given by Christ.  Yet, while the soul is given these great gifts, it still fears losing God or offending God.  The soul even weeps over others who offend its Majesty and King.  With these sweet gifts come great crosses.

Among the many crosses is a despair.  If various consolations become less and the soul experiences various episodes of spiritual aridity, then the soul yearns for God and may even fear it offended its Lord.  In this way, one can also become abundantly scrupulous in its fear of offending the Lord.  It is only when mystical union or marriage occurs when the soul finds peace, security and perfect comfort in God’s will.  The two wills become one.
While far from ever experiencing the inner joys of the most center mansions, I can identify one problem that we, or our spiritual children may experience in our attempts to become more holy.  I think to some, it can become an obsession to do right every moment of the day– so much that scruples can torment the soul.  Our nature is fallen and while it is important to avoid sin, our Lord does not wish for us to live in consistent fear of “stepping on a crack”.  While systematic analysis of our spiritual life is crucial, we cannot constantly check on what mansion we are in or not in.  I think St. Teresa makes it very clear that one must simply fulfill one’s vocational duty to the best of his or her ability and to allow love of God to direct our actions.  In this way, the gifts of union will come when our Lord wills it.  They are not to be earned but given.
If we truly love, it is not about reward but merely reciprocity of that love.  Seek God and love God and we will find the deepest mansions of our soul.
If you are interested in taking Christian Counseling courses, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

Meditation with St. Teresa of Avila

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Meditation for Spiritual Union with God

If anyone spiritual is seeking union with God from a Christian perspective, then one should look no farther than the meditations of St. Teresa of Avila.  Her meditative classic, “The Interior Castle” supplies the reader with numerous ideas and spiritual advice.
Her first and foremost fundamental principle is that if one wishes to enter into union with God, they must seek God through prayer and meditation.  She emphasizes that meditation is important because one must focus upon the words of any prayer.  Through prayer and meditation, a person can begin to experience the joys of God.
St. Teresa, however, understands the fallen nature of man.  She also understands the traps and deceptions of the evil one.  As one enters into the first “mansions” of the castle or soul, they are besought with conflicts to do good or evil.  While the spirituality of the first mansions deal with prayer, good works and contemplation, the spiritual traveler must fight off the evil one and submit one’s will to God.
The final mansions involve the courtship of the soul with God.  The soul falls in love with God via romantic analogy and eventually finds mystical marriage and union.  In this union, God stays with the soul and sustains it with his intimate presence.  Both the will of creator and creation share the same goals.
St. Teresa finds the mystical marriage with the Lord to be the greatest gift the soul can be given by God in this temporal reality.  In it, the soul has purged itself from temporal gains and has submitted its will to God’s will.  The soul is filled with a burning love and basks in the love of God.  While in earlier states, the soul does experience occasional illuminations, esctasies and visions, this final state rises the soul to a more secure and consistent union with the Lord that also allows the soul to carry on with its daily duties.
If you are interested in learning more about Christian meditation or other topics, review our program and also review the “Interior Castle”.

Mark Moran, MA

Holistic Nursing and Fighting Fatigue

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Holistic Nursing: Are You Always Tired?

Constant or chronic fatigue is not normal and can be dangerous signs but most times it merely has to do with habit and diet.  Holistic Nurses or life coaches can help one find better ways to preserve and gain energy.
The first thing to consider is one’s diet.  If one is eating poorly and irregularly, then their energy levels will fluctuate with this diet.  All professionals encourage those who suffer from chronic fatigue to eat better according to the food pyramid.  In some cases, supplements may also be encouraged that include various herbs that promote higher levels of energy.
The second thing to consider is one’s level of physical activity.  This may seem like a contradiction, but simply by pushing oneself to exercise, one enhances energy and allows the blood to flow throughout the body.  A good sweat for the body is always a good thing.
Third, one needs to create better sleep routines.  If one does not get at least 8 hours of sleep, then one will suffer fatigue throughout the day.  Also consistent schedules that involve consistent bed times and naps are critical.  Unfortunately, many like to “burn the candle” at both ends with excessive work or excessive drinking with little rest.
Fourth, stop unhealthy habits.  If you smoke, or drink too much, then your body will not respond well to exercise and be depleted of important vitamins and minerals.
Finally, one needs to learn how to relax.  Enjoy one’s time off.  Relax on Sunday and save work for the weekdays.  Also, one is encouraged to utilize various natural remedies that enhance relaxation, such as yoga or meditation.
If you are interested in learning about healthier living, you should consider reviewing our holistic nursing or health care life coach certification programs.

AIHCP

Pet Grief Counseling With "Putting a Pet Down"

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Pet Grief Counseling: Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

One of the hardest things to accept for a pet owner is when to say goodbye to an old friend who is suffering.  It saddens one to see a pet they raised become crippled and suffering in their old age.  As the pet grows older and gray hairs emerge, the anxiety arises that one is a day closer to “putting down” one’s pet.   Memories of the young pup or kitten that used to jump and down are far gone and replaced with the imagery of an old man who would rather sleep.  These signs help prepare us for the inevitable day our pet becomes so old or sick that we must euthanize him.  Pet grief counseling can help one become stronger to face that day, but no matter the pet or the day, noone forgets the moment they walk into the vet’s office for the last time with their friend.   Yet, we all know when suffering becomes the norm for our friend, we have little choice but to make the ultimate and humane decision; a decision that is done out of love.

Jennifer Melvin, who instructs in the Pet Grief Program at AIHCP offers this advice on when to know it is time to say ‘goodbye’.
One of the most challenging decisions a pet owner faces is when they have to determine how far to take treatment and when to euthanize the pet.  For most people a pet is part of the family and you want to fight to the end to keep them with you.  A good rule of thumb is to focus on the quality of life the pet has.  When a pet has a terminal illness and you find them not enjoying their favorite foods, doing their favorite things or being comfortable it is then time to clarify with the vet that the pet’s body is changing to the point it is not going to get better.  If that is the case it is your time to ask yourself who you would be keeping the pet alive for and what it is living for.  When you reach the answer that it is not in their best interest to keep them alive, you have your answer of when it’s time.  At that point you make sure to prepare yourself and your family the best you can do and say all you need to have your goodbye.

Melvin’s advice helps one understand when.  She also emphasizes in the end that one find time to say that final goodbye.  Some families prepare a date in advance and spend a quality day with their pet.  They take the day off from work, give the pet special treats and shower him with love.
While some would rather walk away the moment, one drops off old “boxer” or “rex”, I have always from experience walked back with our dogs and held their paw, reassured them, kissed them, and allowed them to hear my voice as the pain all went away.
If you are interested in taking courses in pet grief counseling, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Care Management and Health Insurance Dos And Don’ts: Pitfalls And Bonuses

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Care Management Tips

Sometimes, the health insurance market can feel like a minefield. It doesn’t have to feel that way, though. There is plenty of advice available that can help you get the best deals and the best treatment out of the money and time you put into dealing with health insurance companies. Read on for some handy tips in care management
To save money on your health insurance plan, do not be fooled by plans with offers that are too good to be true. For instance, some plans may not require any fees for particular everyday preventative care, but do not have the benefits that many other health insurance plans offer.
If you have an adult child who does not have their own health insurance, you can keep them on your policy until they are 26 years old. This means that they do not have to forgo health insurance or pay for their own policy while trying to get established in a career.
You need to know what the terms are in your coverage when getting ready to switch health insurance policies. This is especially true of the rates. The rate refers to the amount a provider is paid for your policy. You need to get the most cost-effective rate you can. Make sure to weigh the cost of the rate with your income, deductible, annual medical costs, and coverage.  Sometimes a case manager can help with this.
Get to know the three major types of health insurance policies: the HMO, the POS, and the PPO. Research these three types to find out how their coverage, policy rates and programs differ. Use this information to figure out which one would be best for you and your family.
If you fear being laid off from your job, you may consider enrolling in a plan with a low premium. Since the government program that offset much of the cost of COBRA has ended, continuing your insurance coverage in the event of a layoff would come entirely from your own pocket, which could prove very difficult if your premium is high.
If you’re looking for an insurance broker for health insurance, ask your friends and relatives for a referral. There are many brokers with a license out there, but not all of them are going to do the best job for you. Online reviews can easily be faked, so they’re not very reliable, either.
One important feature of any insurance plan is prescription drug coverage. Be sure to scrutinize all the details of your prescription drug plan so that you are familiar with how your healthcare insurer handles prescriptions. It’s especially important to understand how they cover different classes of drugs, and whether they offer generics for the prescriptions you normally take.
Understand the differences between a PPO policy and a HMO policy if you want to receive the best possible level of care with your health insurance. You not only have to think about what’s best for you, but also what’s best for your children – if they should happen to fall ill or suffer an accident.
Depending on the demographic makeup of your office, employer based insurance may not be the best for you. Insurance plans are built upon spreading out the risk. If you are the youngest person in an office, working with a group of people nearing retirement, you will pay more for your insurance to cover for them. Always check with outside insurance before choosing to go with your employers.
A vital health insurance tip is to never abandon your claim just because it has been initially denied. Filing an appeal is always an option, and it is important to note that the denial could simply have been the result of a data error in the insurer’s computer system. By appealing unexpected denials, you have the power to receive every bit of coverage your policy is meant to provide.  Again a care manager can aid you in overcoming denials.
No matter what, make sure you have some sort of health insurance. The bills that pile up from an emergency when you don’t have insurance, can cause you to go into bankruptcy or spend the rest of your life paying for one accident or health issue. The cost of uninsured medical bills is too high to risk. Get coverage no matter what.
If you are committed to finding the best deals, this is just the beginning of your health insurance education. Hopefully, a few of these ideas will be helpful to you. There are more where they came from; keep learning to zero in on the very best health insurance you can find.
You can seek the advice of a care manager or learn about care management by reviewing our program.  To review and become a certified care manager, click here.

Richard Green

Pet Grief Counseling on Run Away Pets

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Unresolved Grief and a Runaway Pet

Pet Grief Counseling :  The pain of not knowing is a grief that forbids closure.  It is experienced by parents who lose their children via kidnapping, or families who lose brothers on the battle field never to be found.  This ambiguous or unresolved type of grief restricts closure because there is always the haunting question of “what if”.  While the “what if” of reunion is always there, there is also the painful “what if” of what happened.
This type of pain is also associated with a runaway pet and the anxiety it can cause an owner.  Jennifer Melvin, instructor for the AIHCP’s  Pet Grief Loss Program, writes about this experience.
She states:

Unresolved situations can create unresolved emotions and thoughts.  When a pet runs away and isn’t found it can lead to stress, anxiety, new fears, guilt and a myriad of internal emotions for the family involved.  Until there is some resolve with how you perceive your –or someone else’s contribution towards the pet running away, these unsettling emotions and thoughts are likely to continue.  Most often they even seep out through your unconscious and into your dreams- while asleep or daydreaming.  This struggle with how it happened or what happened to the pet can be torturous.  It’s often difficult to sort through the thoughts and feelings alone or with friends because you most likely will find your mind playing the same guilty, angry and/or stress ridden thoughts and images over and over like a song on repeat.  This is a critical time to receive some formal support in order to stop that repeating tape and return to being able to concentrate, sleep well, eat right and feel more comfortable with living with what happened.

With this myriad of feelings, help and support are definitely needed.  From my personal experience, the longest missing time of our Siberian Husky was three days.  Those three days were filled with anxiety, sadness and fear.  One can only imagine the pain and anguish of never recovering one’s pet.
If you are interested in learning about how grief can affect pet owners, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Christian Counseling: "Lord, Help Me Up Again!"

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counseling: What Can Falling Teach Us?

When we fall, the least thing we need to hear is “shame on you” or “you hypocrite” or “you sinner” or some long sermon on what is right.  Most people who continually fall, while in need of spiritual betterment, nevertheless are in the habit of “getting back up”.  In these cases, Christian Counselors need to be more pastoral in their counseling than dogmatic.  Those in the habit of getting back up after moral relapse usually already know the nature of their vice and want to be better.  What they need is love, compassion and spiritual help.
In previous blogs, we have outlined the dangers of our occasion of sin and the inherent inclination towards sin within our own fallen nature.  In this blog,  I would rather focus on a more pastoral level of guidance and an understanding of the emotional and psychological state of those who fall–and ourselves.
Blessed and guided with a certain and correct conscience, we know the nature of our actions.  We are not blinded by ignorance or lured by false teachings.  As orthodox and true Christians, we understand the nature of our particular vice but we can fall due to our own weakness and the company we keep.  The biggest question is when we fall, how do we feel?
Most are stung by their conscience with remorse and guilt.  While the moral subjectivist would deceive us with tales of freedom from guilt, a true Christian cannot escape truth and the light of Christ.  His heavenly presence shines too brightly upon the darkness of our soul to allow us to fantasize that such actions are not sinful.  Instead, our subjective self is brought to the realization that our action is not in conformation with the laws of God and we feel guilt.
Some go beyond mere guilt and feel contrite sorrow.  They realize that our sins crucified Christ and added weight to the cross.  What a blessing it is for one to feel such extreme sorrow as to never wish to sin again!  For one to flee sin at all costs, even life itself.  This was the mentality of the saints.  Many would rather have God strike them dead before they committed a grievous sin that would hurt our Lord.  Yet, God allows us to continue to hurt him.  He hopes we will not fall or at least fall less.  As Jesus endured the slaps of impious Roman soldiers, he endures the slap of our sins.  Christ, as the ultimate example, after falling due the weight of our sins, stood up again.  In this, he encourages us to lift up the sin of our own crosses and move forward.
As inexcusable to our Lord as our sins are, he alone can bring good from our falls.  First, by falling, we learn we are human.  How many are driven by pride and feel they cannot fall?  Or what of those who foolishly feel they have made such great progress in their spiritual life and feel the need for no new improvement?  Then they fall.  They are brought to a humiliating reality that they are weak and so far from a finished spiritual product.  Secondly, by falling, our Lord allows us to see how much we need his grace and love to accomplish any small deed.  Third, when we fall, we are filled with a great motivation not to fall again but to strive to higher heights of spiritual perfection.
We should seek the examples of Samson, David, Peter, Paul, Augustine and other great saints who fell numerous times but always looked for our Lord’s mercy.  The devil knows of our spiritual progress and hopes that if one trips, they will fall into despair or feel  unworthy to continue in the progess of sanctity.  How many feel embarrassed or unworthy to continue the work of the Lord after they fall?  Yet the reality is we are all unworthy and have crosses to overcome.  The moment we stop living the spiritual life, despite occasional falls, is the moment we permanently remain fallen and crippled in the vice of sin.
Rejoice in Christ’s love and embrace the scars of sin because they can ultimately teach us wisdom and how dependent we are on God.  In the meantime, may our Lord be patient with each and everyone of us and guide us through the perils of this world to eternal peace.
If you would like to learn more about Christian Counseling or take courses, please review the program.
If you would like to learn how to become a Certified Christian Counselor, then also review our program.

Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Do We Flee Our Vocation Like Jonah?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Counseling Those To Their Vocation: Jonah

Many flee their calling from God.  It is hard to help counsel them in the right direction because they are overcome with fear.  In previous blogs, we looked at the faith of Peter to walk on water as he followed Christ.  Peter was filled with faith and wished to follow our Lord without fear.  Only when he took his eyes off his Lord, did he begin to fall, but only to be gently lifted by the hand of Christ.  Peter teaches us that we must follow Christ and accept our vocation.  Fear should not be an obstacle.
Yet, many still flee their vocation, much like Jonah.  Jonah is an excellent example of one who is afraid to undertake his divine calling.  Instead of preaching to  Nineveh, Jonah fled in fear of what might happen if he entered into that city.  He did not have faith in God,  as Peter did, to face his fears.  In his fear, he fled the Lord, but the will of God was strong and in his running, he was swallowed by a great fish and held for three days.  Only till he relinquished his own will, did the Lord release him to carry out his vocation of preaching to Ninevah.
How many times do we flee our vocation because of fear?  Where do we flee?  We will probably not be swallowed by a great fish, but what “great fish” is preventing us from carrying out God’s will?  If we choose to live our own will over the Lord, we may not be imprisoned by a great fish but we will be imprisoned in a life of unhappiness.  Only fulfillment of one’s vocation can give true happiness.
So let us all escape our “great fish” and face our own “Nineveh” with faith and no fear.
If you would like to learn more about Christian Counseling Certification, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C