Author: Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Care and Dealing with the Angry Patient

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Care Giving Is Love and Understanding

Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her writings spoke of the five stages of grief.  In particular, her studies dealt with the reactions of terminally ill patients and the phases they went through.  Pastoral Care Giving involves an intimate connection of communication between care giver and patient.  In many cases, the care provider supplies the horrible news that someone will soon die.  Within this there will be a multitude of reactions.  One such reaction is anger.
So how does a nurse or pastoral care giver deal with the angry patient.  Ultimately with love and understanding!  The care of a terminally ill patient is more than just caring for his or her physical needs but is a caring for the totality of the human person.  In this regard, emotional symptoms must be treated as if physical symptoms.
Kubler Ross asked the question, why is the patient angry?  The only way to know is through communication and care.  Avoidance and frustration with a patient’s anger will not endear him or her to you nor will it make matters better.
Many patients may be upset over a variety of reasons.  Is their death premature or expected?  Is the death blamed on God or another doctor or treatment?  Is the anger a source of regret of how a person lived his or her life?  Is the anger due to the fact you never notice any family members coming to say “goodbye”.  Is the anger over a loss of control?  Is the anger over how the patient was treated the previous night by a different nurse?  Is the anger over the fact the person cannot die at home?
The realm of possibilities is endless and this is again why Kubler Ross insisted one cannot ignore the patient who is angry.  Instead, one must discover why the person is angry.
In one case study, Kubler Ross noted that an elderly man simply wished to have his side gate of his bed down so as to move his legs.  He feared the casket like formation he had to endure and it reminded him of death.  His nurse instead refused for fear of him falling.  She was more interested in reading her book by the bedside chair.  Maybe it was due to her own fear of facing death that she distanced himself from this poor man.  Regardless, the man would be frequently angry.
Another case study was of a man who always controlled his life, whether in his successful business or his command of his family.  His anger was a result of the loss of control to the nurses and other health related decisions.  Simply by identifying this and giving him options, he became less angry.  In fact, he always had a say or input in the course of action directed, but under the guise he had a “control” in the matter.
So as one can see, pastoral care is more than just taking one’s blood pressure or taking checking various readings, but it is also understanding the emotional dynamics that take place within the human mind.  Anger is merely a manifestation of something that is deeply wrong;  it shoud not affect health care professionals to the extent they ignore the angry patient, but instead push them to finding out why and alleviating it.
If you are interested in Pastoral Thanatology Certifications, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

Patient Assisted Suicide Possibly in Massachusetts

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Care Givers and Assisted Suicide in Massachusetts

The issue of Patient Assisted Suicide became a national controversy when Oregon first passed a bill that allowed it in the late 90s.  Now Massachusetts is proposing a similar bill.  Many people may support this idea but there are many Pastoral Care Givers who oppose it.  In the article below from Lifenews.com, the concerns regarding this bill are analyzed.

Dr. Jacqueline Harvery writes on Patient Assisted Suicide in her article “Massachusetts’ Assisted Suicide Proposal: Concerns on Question 2” and how it may not be beneficial to those of the state.

“The 2012 “Act Relative to Death with Dignity” goes before Massachusetts voters on November 6. Question 2 asks voters directly whether to legalize physician-assisted suicide (PAS) or uphold existing state statutes. “

If you would like to read the entire article, please click here

If your interested in pastoral care certification, please click here 
Mark Moran, MA

Are Pastoral Counselors Effected By Your Own Fears of Death?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Medical Caregivers and Their Own Preconceived Notions About Death

In counseling it is always taught to keep one’s own preconceived notions or past out of the objective judgement during a session with a patient.  The same should hold true for medical caregivers.  This represents a large portion of doctors, nurses, social workers and even pastoral counselors.
While counselors and social workers recognize the psychology behind death, many doctors are not trained in emotional caregiving.  They tend to not treat the emotional symptoms but only the physical ones.  Treating the disease overtakes treating the wholeness of the human person.
With these things in mind, doctors need to also look at themselves–and this goes for nurses and counselors as well.  What ideas do you have on death or the terminally ill?  Do patients suffering in a cancer ward remind you of a lost loved one, or does the scent of death terrify you to such an extent, you cannot face them?
Maybe you feel if you avoid the issue of death with patients, you will not have to discuss it in length with them.  Kubler Ross in many of her studies noticed such behaviors from doctors and nurses who confidently felt the patient did not demand long and detailed accounts of their condition.  However,  upon review, Kubler Ross discovered that the  patients sensed the discomfort of the doctors and nurses and decided not to discuss death because of these attitudes.
So the reality was that many patients played off the emotional indifference or fear of the doctors and nurses.  These terminally ill patients then lost a critical element of treatment for their own emotional well being.  Instead of dealing with their own fears, these doctors and nurses avoided these fears by avoiding the patients they swore to help.
With such lack of pastoral training and difficult fears of their own, many medical caregivers are unable to treat emotional symptoms of grief or simply talk to the patient.
This can only be overcome via education but also facing one’s own fears of death and understanding patients and why they react or do not react to certain things.  Anger, indifference, compromise and denial are all reactions or better yet symptoms of grief when someone learns of impending death.  Doctors and nurses need to overcome their own fears so they can treat these emotions as well as they treat physical symptoms of a disease.
If you are interested in Pastoral Thanatology Certifications, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

Can Stress and Grief Kill You?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Stress, Grief, Pain and Excitement: Ingredients for Possible Death?

A broken heart, a sudden excitement, extreme stress or any trauma according to some findings have the ability to be fatal.  Can stress really be the death of you?

Sophie Borland of Mailonline writes about this topic in “Why Shock Can Kill You: Release of Adrenaline After Sudden Recovery Can Lead To Heart Problems.”

“A shock can be fatal – and it makes  no  difference whether it’s the trauma of a loved one’s death or the  excitement of  a lottery win, experts claim.”

Read more: click here

If you are interested in controlling stress or stress management certification program, please review the program and click here

AIHCP

Christian Counseling Training Program: Do You Believe in Ghosts?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Should Christian Counselors Give Credence to Ghost Stories?

As Christian Counselors, it is the duty to not only help people mentally but also spiritually.  With this in mind, what if a client speaks of ghost stories or things that go bump in the night?
In answer to the heading, as Christians, we all believe in ghosts or spirits.  We should also take credence in most ghost stories.  Of course subjective elements of the person’s mental health should guide us in whether or not it is a legitimate story or not.
Since Christianity accepts the reality of a spiritual world and the tearing of the soul from the body due to death, one must accept ghosts and their interaction with the physical world as a metaphysical reality.  Our faith dictates it.  All to many times, we separate ghosts from the soul when in reality the soul is basically a ghost!
The biggest metaphysical question is where does the soul go after death.  Christianity universally proclaims the soul goes to Heaven or Hell, but many within Christianity also believe in a temporary middle ground.  Some would call this Purgatory.  While primarily a Catholic doctrine and rejected by most Protestants, the idea of Purgatory as a state of further purification before entry into Heaven could explain the existence of ghosts who serve their time on Earth?
Other explanations include attachments or unfinished business of the soul, while other explanations are the souls of the damned who haunt the living as they suffer their separation from God in a permanent state of Hell.
With so many ghost stories, I am sure some are legend, but also since it is such a universal human experience, I would be less than inclined to deny it as science attempts to do.  The reality is, we are all ghosts, just some of us still have our bodies!
If you are interested a Christian Counseling Certification, then please review the program.  The Christian Counseling Training Program consists of core courses that the qualified professional must complete to become certified in the Christian Counseling Training Program.
Happy Halloween!

Mark Moran, MA

Grief Counseling and Hope in Depression

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counselors And Dealing With Depression

The pains of depression can be difficult for a grief counselor to cure.  There is no acute reason usually for depression.  Furthermore, if not an LPC, grief counselors usually need the aid of a psychologist to prescribe any necessary medications.  Below is an article how grief counselors through the gift of hope and faith can help the depressed.

Monica Coleman of the Huffington Post writes about depression and finding hope in her article, “Losing Faith, Finding Hope: A Journey With Depression”.

“Many people describe depression as a kind of intense grief.  It is a deep sadness.  It’s like heartbreak, agony and despair all at once.”

To read the entire article, please click here.

If you are interested in learning more about depression and grief, please review our program and click here.
Mark Moran, MA

Christian Counseling Training: People to Die Unto Themselves

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counseling Training: What is Dying Unto Oneself?

While the martyrs sacrificed their entire being to Christ through death, their initial death was interior.  The martyrdom was merely the fruits of their inner spiritual submission.  Christian Counseling can help many discover their own spiritual martyrdom through death for Christ via submission.
Many will never encounter the executioner’s blade, but many of us will encounter our own sins and lifestyles which can be as deadly as any weapon.  The saints and mystics all encountered themselves and overcame themselves, allowing their version of self to die and become martyred to the life of Christ.  The grace of the Holy Spirit overcame them and they became like Christ.  Through the entire submission of will, they became like the martyrs in all but physical and violent death.
Christian Counselors can help their spiritual children die and be reborn in Christ.  Obviously the sacraments and personal commitment to Christ make us all “reborn” but a true death of self involves more than sacramental grace and courageous proclamations.
A true death of self is putting one’s will, one’s desires, one’s sinful pleasures, one’s ideas and one’s joys second to Christ.  Christ’s will matters most.  The soul that has died for Christ has put on Christ and no longer lives for itself but only Christ.  This involves so much more than merely attending Church or proclaiming a Christian doctrine, but involves submission of the will.  This submission is far from general but a submission to everything that Christ wills.
Many feel these types of submissions are vocational on a macro level.  While this is part of it, it is far from all of it.  True submission and death for Christ involves the micro level as well.  This is where most of us fail and the saints succeed.  Complete submission involves doing things we do not want to do–that may even be entirely non-religiously related.  It involves biting one’s tongue when it is easier to speak gossip, it involves fighting a personal temptation that haunts us on a daily basis, it involves cleaning those dirty dishes you did not soil, it involves going to one’s mundane job because if you do not, the family will starve.
The sacrifice and submission puts our own ego away and accepts the crosses and martyrdom Christ has chosen for us.  How can one dare to proclaim a grand martyrdom when one cannot simply kneel for that extra second, or fast on that particular day?  It is the little things that matter because they are the things we do not choose.  Many choose to go to Church, or give to a charity, or help a friend in need, but it is when we do not choose, that we truly die for Christ.  These sacrifices may not be glamorous as great penances or huge religious rallies for whatever cause, but they are the one’s that are the hardest to submit to.
So unlike Peter, who promised to die for Christ, but could not even avow for him that same evening, let us submit and die for Christ in the smallest things–the things we do not choose.  Then we will truly embark on spiritual martyrdom.
(And of course, Peter later did die for the faith–and very heroically!)
If you are interested in Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program. Our Christian Counseling Training consists of core courses that the qualified professional must take to become certified in Christian Counseling Training.

Mark Moran, MA

What Is Movement Meditation?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

What is Movement Meditation?

The benefits of meditation cannot be ignored, but not everyone finds it easy to sit in one spot and focus on their breath. Additionally, not everyone has the time to sit and meditate during his or her day. This is why another type of meditation, called movement meditation, can be so beneficial.
Have you ever sat on a beach in a blissful state and picked up handfuls of sand that mesmerized you as you watched them run through your fingers. You probably felt individual grains as the sand left your hands. You may have noticed the way your fingers felt as they opened to let the sand the go through. Other things such as the way you were sitting and breathing likely entered your mind. You were focused and centered, yet you were still moving. This is what movement meditation is all about.
Movement meditation is not your usual meditation where you sit still and focus on your breath. Instead, you are moving through various positions with a mindful and slow pace.
Mindfulness is the biggest part of movement meditation; for example, being mindful of your muscles as they move or the feeling of your feet against the floor as you move. You notice various parts of your body that are otherwise ignored such as you hip, elbow, or cheek. You begin to pay attention to the body and how it feels as it moves, bends, and twists. Even your breathing, heartbeat, and other inner sensations will be better noticed when you are mindful of the body.
Movement meditation focuses on the movements of the body rather than the goal of the movement. For instance, picking up a book is not normally registered by your mind, but being mindful of the process makes the movement much different. For instance, you feel the bend of the legs and the arm as you reach down for the book. You notice the movement as the head as it looks towards the book. You feel the book against your hand as you begin to pick it up. You notice the extra weight in your hand as you lift the book towards you. All of these things are in your awareness during movement meditation.
How is it Practiced?
Just as with sitting meditation, there are many different ways to do it. There is no one position, thought, or movement that is correct. Many people utilize walking meditation where they walk slowly in a predefined space repeatedly while noticing the wind against their skin and their feet against the ground.
No matter what type of movement meditation you do, all forms involve slow movement and mindfulness. With that in mind, we will talk about how to do a movement meditation starting in a sitting position.
1. Take a few moments to sit in a comfortable position and align your breath and body. Try to make your movements and breath one, like swaying your body in time with a swaying tree.
2. Put your hands on your body and feel the movement of breath as you breathe in and out. Notice as your arms extend and return slightly.
3. Start to stand up and notice what occurs. You will likely feel your hands touch the ground, your legs begin to extend, your spine lengthen, and your neck strengthen as you stand up.
4. Once standing, notice the feelings in your body and pay special attention to any uncomfortable feelings. Adjust your body to make those uncomfortable feelings go away, or if you can’t, then just take notice of them and move on to somewhere else.
5. Start at the top of your head and notice sensations or feelings that come into mind. Once you have felt the sensations of the top of the head, move on to the forehead, then the cheeks, nose, ears, lips, chin, and neck. Keep moving through your body, and registering any feelings that you have, until you reach the tip of your toes. This process does not have to take a long time or a short time. It is important to move at your own pace and not judge how fast or slow you are going.
6. Bring your whole body back into focus, instead of just one area, and begin to move with your heartbeat. Feel your body as it moves back and forth or side to side.
7. Raise an arm into the air and pretend as if you are picking a fruit off a tree that is just out of reach. Notice as your arm lengthens and reaches for the fruit. Notice how you toe raises off the ground in order to allow more height for your arm. Notice all the movements of your body during the simple act of reaching for a fruit takes place.
8. Repeat with the other arm.
9. Leave your standing spot and move around the area you are in. Notice the sensations that appear as you begin to take steps. Your feet, your legs, your hips, your stomach all work together to create movement. Take the time to notice the individual sensations in those areas.
10. Now, sit back on the floor and pay attention to your body as it crunches and bends. End as you began, and align your breath with your body.
This is just one variation of movement meditation. You may want to touch things as you stand and notice the sensations that occur. You may want to dance slowly and rhythmically and notice the feelings of your body that you would otherwise ignore. The point is to be mindful of your body and the sensations that occur.
If you are not able to quiet your mind during sitting meditation, then movement meditation can really help you get the focus you need in order to still your mind and reap the rewards of sitting meditation such as calmness, less stress, and focus. Any time your mind wanders, you can simply tense a muscle or move a finger to bring your attention back to your body and the movement.
You will become more in tune with your body through movement meditation. When you are not engaging in it, you will find that you will notice your body more and the movements that it makes. This will help you to notice any inconsistencies such as pain or stiffness that you may otherwise ignore, and attend to the concerns for good health.
You will also become more aware of the things around you as you feel the sensation of objects that you come into contact with. This can help you connect to your surroundings and other people on a higher level.
In conclusion, movement meditation involves being mindful of the sensations that occur during movements. Walking, dancing, cooking, and even going to bed are moments that you can practice this type of meditation.

If you are interested in meditation techniques, please review the program.

James Evans

Anger and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

How to Deal with Anger in Grief

Grieving is a normal part of a human being after going through a loss. This can be loss through death or separation. It is also normal to grieve when one losses a job or had to go through a major life changing event. There are many stages of grief and anger is one of them. This is a very critical stage. Anger expressed during the grief period can make or destroy a person. Controlled anger is a healthy emotion. Although this is a necessary stage, one should not stay in anger for too long. It can turn into an uncontrollable emotion that can lead to destruction. People who do not learn how to deal with anger in grief may end up being hateful and vengeful.
Anger is expressed when a person feels helpless and out pf control of the situation. Usually it has a target. It can be at God, a partner, at doctors or at the person thought to have caused the loss or death. It can even be directed at life where the person views it as being unfair. Sometimes, the person may not even understand why they had to go through the loss.
How Anger in Grief Manifests
When the loss takes place, the person may get into a state of denial where he does not acknowledge the current events. He may go on with life normally. This may be followed by a period of shock and denial. After some time, the person may realize the full impact of the loss. This is a period of great pain and guilt where anger follows as a way of dealing with the grief. This emotion can be expressed in a rational or irrational way where one expresses it even to strangers. This is a means of getting control of the situation at hand and the loss.

How to Help a Person Dealing with Anger in Grief

A grieving person needs a lot of love and understanding. Even when he expresses anger to those close to him, they should understand that this is a normal process of coming to terms with what has just happened. The person needs help in understanding what he is going through. Here are tips on how to help him deal with the anger.

Encourage Expression of Emotions Felt
When people are grieving, they go through many confusing and contradicting emotions. They should be encouraged to talk about how they feel. Let them express the emotions they feel towards the target of their anger. If they need to cry, shout or scream, encourage them to do so. Be a good listener. Mostly, what the person needs is not someone who can advise him but someone who understands what he is going through. 
Encourage him to Talk about the Incident

Every time the person talks about the loss, some anger is let out. Let him talk as much as he wants. With time, all the anger will be gone. Although he may be a long way from accepting what has happened, at least he will have dealt with one of the destructive emotions in the grieving period.
Be Good Company
Although a grieving person may want to spend more time alone, he needs someone to make him realize that life still goes on even after the loss. Help him get back to the activities he loved before the tragedy. Do something fun and engaging together. Make him laugh again. At first, he will be shocked or even feel guilty of enjoying life even if it is for a few minutes but with time, this will help him deal with the anger.
When in anger, all a person can think of is the loss and how unfair life is. Remind him of the good things, good times and achievements he had before the loss. Fill his thoughts with positive memories. If it is a loved one who died, remind him of the good times they shared and the positive impact the person had on him and others.

When anger in grief is destructive, the person may need grief counseling and medication. He may be defiant but if you approach the topic with a lot of love and understanding, he will agree to get help. Accompany him to the sessions and help him as much as you can.
Anger is a normal reaction but it should be dealt with properly for the person to completely recover from the loss.
If you are interested in the grief process, please review the program.
For more information on grief counseling courses, please review the program.

Christian Counseling Certification: What is Halloween?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counseling Certification: Trick or Treat or Good and Evil

How do Christian Counselors address Halloween?  Halloween has it origins from the ancient Druids who would seek sacrifice of children for their pagan deities.    This dated back to the Samhein.  This was the last harvest of the Fall and was also associated with the coming of Winter.  The dead were considered to have more power on this day and variety of sacrifices were offered for protection–some of which were human.
Later the feast would represent All Hallows Eve, or the eve before all Saints Day.  Still the day in accordance with its pagan history and its influence in the occult is far from saintly.  While secular society has commercialized it into a day of fun and tricks with parties, trick or treating and costumes, many neo pagans maintain its sacredness.
Christians contend it is a day of evil where pagan deities are once again revered and the power of Satan is at its highest.  The neo-pagan connection with the dead is highest this day as various pagan celebrations commerate the last harvest and the memory of the dead.
While many neo-pagans may deny any satanic activity, Christians contend the evil nature of the feast and practice pious traditions of prayer and protection.  In such ways, even the ancients prayed for protection with the carving of Jack-O-Laterns.  While Christians instead seek the protection of Christ, one can still see the fear and dread people have of evil spirits on this day!
Christian Counselors should not entirely deny people the festivity of Halloween.  Instead, they should emphasize how the eve gives way to the dawn of All Saints Day and of Christ’s ultimate victory over evil.  Furthermore, one should not avoid the secular festivities of the day but enjoy the fun of costumes and the chance to play tricks and scare one another.  If one wishes, wear a costume that reflects goodness instead of evil.
Yet underneath the festivities,  Christians should still say at least a small prayer and remember the evil roots of this obscure holiday.
If you are interested in a Christian Counseling Certification, please review the program.  Our Christian Counseling Certification program covers core courses that the qualified professional must pass to become certified.

Mark Moran, MA