Emotions are critical.  As an outward and physical wound bleeds, mental trauma and loss bleeds through the manifestation of emotions.  Emotional expressions are the bleeding and healing of emotional wounds.  Part of the grieving process is grief work.  An essential part of grief work is experiencing emotions.  When someone emotionally bypasses their feelings the person is refusing to do the necessary grief work to heal.  This can stunt someone’s healing process.

In addition, many individuals beyond basic loss, can become trapped in trauma.  They can become stuck in the trauma of an event and become victim to many of the restrictions on life imposed by the trauma.  Both situations prevent healing.  The first one prevents individuals from processing basic emotions to an incident, while the other, refuses to move beyond the crippling consequences of extreme trauma.

There are many individuals who refuse to do grief work and choose to run from the loss and the emotions associated with it.   The article, “What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters” by Evelyn Lim points out various ways individuals look to avoid facing their emotions.  She states,

“Emotional bypassing is a form of coping mechanism. After all, we have been taught to put up a brave front. It’s embarrassing to let others know how vulnerable we feel. Unfortunately, when we don’t allow ourselves to release our negative feelings safely, they build up over time. It is possible that we develop issues like anxiety, depression and mental disorders. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, excess emotional activity can also create organ impairments and affect physical health”

Lim, E. (2021). “What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters”. EvelynLim.

To review the full article, click here

Some common ways individuals bypass emotion is through ignoring the pain and pretending it is OK.  Many men perceive crying or expression of emotion as a sign of weakness.  This results in them not expressing or discussing the pain.  Either gender can ignore loss and whether man or woman, it is important to not pretend something did not happen or something does not matter.  One needs to address the emotions.  Even if anger exists, it is important to express it in a healthy way.  It is when sadness or anger boil and persist within oneself that damaging mental and emotional issues can arise.  Whether one hides their emotions due to shame or pure denial, one cannot mask them with fake smiles or projections of other emotions to hide the source of pain.  One needs to address the root cause of the emotional distress in order to understand it and heal from it.

When individuals suppress emotions, they prevent healing but they can also harm themselves in other ways.  Individuals who bypass emotions can also tend to withdraw from others to avoid discussion of these issues. Others may become defensive and take out their inner frustration on others.  In addition, some may turn to substance abuse to deflect from the source of agony.  Those who are dealing with deeper trauma and possibly PTSD sometimes completely withdraw from public due to triggers and disassociation issues.  Many feel unsafe in public areas and will find solace in only withdraw and substances.  Others will have a hard time forming any type of relationships and suffer from extreme trust issues that lead to attachment and relationship distress as well as feelings of depression and unworthiness.  When withdraw occurs, one becomes prisoner to one’s own demons.  Without communication and discussion of the issues, they can rot deeper within one’s soul.

Hence it is important to find therapy in cases of PTSD but also in other less severe losses, to discuss it with family and friends, or if necessary in counseling.  The article, “Processing Emotions: Theory, Techniques and Benefits” by Zindzy Garcia explores why it is important to address emotions.  She states,

“At their most basic form, emotions are automatic reactions to situations. They tend to be short-lived and automatically triggered by specific situations. We have no control over our initial emotional reaction, but we can choose how to respond to that emotion. Contrary to popular opinion, there are no “good” or bad” emotions. All emotions serve a purpose and can be useful in specific situations. For example, the emotion of fear can help us avoid danger, while the emotion of anger can help us stand up for ourselves when we’re being treated unfairly.”

Zindzy, G. (2022). “Processing Emotions: Theory, Techniques and Benefits”. BetterMe.

To review the entire article, access here

Processing emotions and avoiding emotional bypass involves feeling the emotion, acknowledgement of it, and labeling it.  This helps understand the emotion and why it may be occurring.  Some emotions may be guilt, or regret and through discussion one can better understand why they are emerging.  Discussion is the best way to understand emotion and in some cases help one process it in a healthy way. Other ways to face emotions and properly process them involve journaling, artistic expression, music, prayer and expression of self through mindfulness.

Learning to process emotions helps one through grief and loss.  It also helps individuals stuck in trauma move forward.  The results are not only healing from the pain and loss but also better physical and mental health.  The process dismisses false notions, poor coping, and dangerous actions because it frees one from the acute emotional distress.  This in turn leads to better health but also healthier relationships and pre-loss/trauma activities.

If as an individual one suppresses emotion due to a painful loss or a severe personal trauma, one needs grief counseling and in trauma, a licensed counselor to help guide them through the emotions to properly again find emotional balance.  Grief work or facing trauma is a difficult process. It is not easy but it is necessary to find healing. If emotions overwhelm, control, interfere or cause destructive expressions, or push oneself into seclusion or denial or substance abuse, then one requires grief and professional counseling to help confront the emotions and trauma.

The American Academy of Grief Counseling offers certification in Grief Counseling  for mental health and pastoral counselors.  Both licensed counselors and pastoral counselors can take the program but obviously only licensed counselors can treat pathological levels of grief.  Pastoral grief counselors can help others face their emotions but when PSTD or severe trauma has occurred or states of depression, then it is essential for a licensed counselor to help the person.

The Grief Counseling Certification is online and independent study.  Please review the program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals.  Through training, one can better help individuals face emotions and the loss to find healing and hope while avoiding the pitfalls of emotional suppression.

Additional Resources

Linder, J. (2024). “Pitfalls of Suppressing Emotions and Pros of Processing Them”. Psychology Today.  Access here

Henriques, G. (2017). “Understanding Emotions and How to Process Them”. Psychology Today.  Access here

Marais, S. (2024). “6 Ways to Identify and Process Your Emotions”. PsychCentral.  Access here

Sutton, J. (2016). “5+ Benefits of Positive Emotions on Psychological Wellbeing”. Positive Psychology.  Access here