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Christian Counseling Certification Program: Counseling for True Happiness: A Christian View

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counseling Certification Program: False Idols of Christian Happiness to Avoid when Christian Counseling

 Like an illusion in the desert, false notions of happiness pose as an oasis, but in reality are handfuls of dry coarse sand. It is important then to identify a few notions of false happiness and classify them in your  Christian Spiritual counseling sessions. To many times, people are directed towards these ends and never find genuine happiness. 
 The first notion is materialism. Materialism values happiness in finite objects that appeal to the senses. It is limited only to the body and hence fails to satisfy man’s spiritual and emotional needs. In many ways, it is an in-proportionate balance of bodily pleasure over spiritual. Dr Mara, in his classic work, “Christian Happiness”, relates that the primary error in regards to the study of happiness is that the materialist reveres a low “good” as a high “good” and treats that good as an absolute. Slightly related is the worship of knowledge as the highest good. This was seen in many of the Greek philosophers. The reality is knowledge itself is not the good, but the gateway that opens one to discovering the truth that can give happiness. This, while superior to object based materialism, still finds happiness in an intangible object that can give no reciprocity.
 Another false notion is relativism. This “ism” denies an objective absolute truth in regards to anything. In regards to happiness, the relativist nonchalantly remarks, “Whatever makes you happy is then best for you”. While low goods and preferences can be applied to this, the relativist applies all moral actions as equal in regards to happiness. There is no one true objective nature of what true happiness is to the relativist. If N likes this, and R likes this, then who is to say one good is superior to the other. Dr. Mara relates that the error of the relativist is that he elevates everyone’s personal standards to the status of an objective absolute.
 Escapism is another false notion. How can one find happiness in a world of pain and suffering? Some escapists find an outlet from the burrs of the world via drugs and alcohol. Some pursue an addiction to distractive behaviors, whether it is excessive forms of entertainment or seclusion. Some try to forget the worries of the world and divulge themselves into video games or put themselves in a constant state of movement. Others hope to escape by downplaying the evils of the world. They hope to escape the fear or reality of death by downplaying evil or death as a joke. Dr. Mara refers to this as the “Pollyanna” Syndrome; looking at the bright side so much that they become alienated from reality and fail to face their fears. Another form of escapism accepts the evils of the world and finds happiness in negation or neutral consciousness. The reality of evil is so overbearing that everything that soothes the mind from it is an illusion. One can only hope to escape evil and find happiness via nothingness. Cynics find no joy in the world, but only see this overbearing evil. There is no happiness because everything is tainted by death, misery or evil. A stoic accepts this ideal as well but is willing to take the good with the bad but only if the good is taken with a detached prerequisite. In other words, you can touch, you can taste, but do not enjoy or become dependent upon it. This is a strong characteristic of Eastern philosophy where any form of lower “goods” are seen as inconsequential and are illusions to the reality of suffering. Detachment and eventual Nirvana are the true goals of happiness. Schopenhauer, a Western philosopher, completely absorbed these teachings and expressed how happiness is relief from misery and that life is a mistake. The only joy is absence of suffering, hence a neutral consciousness is preferred over any positive stimuli.
 While escapism attempts to retreat from the pains of the world and find happiness in negative states, earthly optimism becomes intoxicated with the other extreme. This erroneous approach to happiness over emphasizes earthly life and while accepting death, devalues its true impact as merely an event in life no different than birth or marriage. An earthly optimist will almost joke about death as the big event or make pithy remarks about the grim ripper. While materialistic to some extent, an earthly optimist wants to experience life to the fullest and accepts all the bumps in the road as what they are. They lack a deeper analysis of spiritual aspect of evil and death. The over optimism distorts the true relevance of suffering and evil. True death and suffering are part of life, but they play a much deeper role that cannot be laughed off or accepted as an event equal to any other event. This philosophy, held by many positivists such as Hume, Dewey, or Russell, leads to a very secular life style of maximizing happiness on this planet and not the next life. The theory of ethics thus becomes confused with the theory of happiness. It no longer becomes what “I ought to do” but what “makes me happy”. I think it is quite obvious that this is not the Christian notion of happiness.
 With these erroneous paths laid, what is the path a Christian Counselor should lay out before a fellow soul that is downtrodden and filled with grief? The Christian path is a realistic path but an optimistic one. It acknowledges the fallen state of the world but finds harmony with it while preparing for the next state of paradise. The Christian as a realist will not seek to escape suffering, nor will he denounce all earthly pleasures, but on the contrary will enjoy the gifts of this world and carry the crosses of this world that are given to him by the Lord. The Christian as an optimist, however, will not live for the goods of this world but see a greater reality that is void of suffering and death but only filled with love and joy. In this optimism, the Christian will seek to put his energy into goods that transcend and escape the decay of this world. The Christian will cultivate goods of virtue, family, friendship, faith and love;   Goods that lead to God and bind us with him and our family forever in paradise. This is the ultimate spiritual banquet, love of neighbor and family, bound with the perfect and reciprocal love of God that is eternal and forever. This is the ultimate happiness—for it is perfect and forever.  
If you are interested in the Christian Counseling Certitication Program, please review it.

By Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Counseling through the Theology of Suicide

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Counseling the Sin of Despair

 How should religious counseling view suicide?  Since the hanging of Judas, suicide has been equated to the ‘sin of Judas’ and the unforgivable sin. This stain for centuries prohibited those  

victim to self death from the rites of Christian burial. This hard stance was the main view within Christian circles but this view has seemed to decline over time with a stronger emphasis on pastoral care and understanding of the so called “damned”. Escaping from centuries of social stigma and religious condemnation, a new view has emerged due to a better understanding in the fields of psychology and moral theology. We will briefly take a look at the theology behind suicide and then see how a new view has emerged in regards to the moral complications of this action. In addition to this, we will look at how religion plays an important role in preventing suicide from a social and psychological standpoint. These observations will hopefully create a new moral idea on the nature of the “Sin of Judas” and also show how religion, while condemning suicide, is the greatest prevention for it.  We will also look at ways one can counsel through the theology of suicide.

Religion objectively views suicide as a sin; primarily a sin of despair. This despair is the primary element of suicide. The victim of suicide loses hope in God’s mercy and forgiveness and falls victim to his or her own inclinations to escape suffering. Unlike taking hope in the story of the Prodigal Son, the victim of suicide chooses despair and hopelessness and without thought of others, takes his or her own life. This double action of despair and self murder create the sinful nature of suicide. While the objective nature of this action is always sinful, recent psychological studies have shown that not all suicides are directly willed but are due to pathological or mental instabilities. This greatly if not completely reduces the culpability of the action to certain individuals. While the objective element of the action retains its sinful stigma, the subjective element of the agent who commits the action via mental incompetency is freed of guilt. With this is mind, Christianity and especially the Catholic Church has permitted the sacred traditions of Christian burial to suicide victims. This is just and therapeutic. First, it gives peace to the grieving family. Second, it recognizes the subjective element of the agent whose culpability of the action may not be grave. With these concepts in mind, I would like to present a small sample of terminology regarding suicide. This is more of a theological presentation but does set the framework for the pastoral terminology within professional circles.
Positive (Active) and Direct Suicide– This form of suicide is always objectively and subjectively sinful. It does not encompass any form of pathological malady, but is driven by selfishness, despair, and contempt of God who is the author of all life. Euthanasia would fall under this category. 
Positive (Active) and Indirect Suicide – This form of suicide carries a subjective element that determines culpability. One who suffers martyrdom knowingly allows himself to be killed but the death is not willed. This has been analyzed with the martyrs. Martyrdom is seen as a virtue and a sign of Christian excellence and heroism in sacrificing all for Christ. This can also be applied to Christians who heroically enter hostile lands because they are spreading the word of God, or brave Christians who administer to victims of plague and later suffer death. This application however can be sinful if dangerous actions are partook due to pride, wagers, or foolish games. Obviously the culpability is still lower than the first.
Negative (Passive) and Direct Suicide- If not done with the consent of the Lord, passively allowing oneself to deteriorate with full intent can still retain the same level of culpability as active suicide.
Negative (Passive) and Indirect Suicide- In this case, suicide is not actively sought out nor necessarily willed with full intent but it does demand that someone seek all available ordinary means of survival-such as food, drink, or reasonable medication or procedures to sustain life. Obviously this case differs than Passive/Direct in that there is no malice intent to end one’s life, but there is a Christian obligation to sustain life and accept suffering—especially when sick—until all ordinary means exhaust themselves. Hence a Christian accepts his or her suffering and prolongs the gift of life until the end, while those who have betrayed the faith, seek escape well before the fight is over. Extraordinary means hope to preserve life beyond ordinary or natural means. Some of examples of extraordinary methods can include medications that prolong life briefly but do not heal or cure—preventing death with Christian acceptance and dignity. Another example would be new technologies that are not proven but only experimental. In all these cases, it is the choice of the person or the family if such means are to be employed—granted the person has made their peace with the Lord. In any case, extraordinary means are not required and do not fall under the category of Passive/Indirect suicide.
 With these terms and theology explained, we will now turn to more pastoral concerns and look at how religion plays a positive role in suicide prevention.
It is a general psychological belief within the professional community that religion helps people cope better and hence avoid suicide. Communities with strong abhorrence to the ideal of suicide and a strong hope in God provide a solid framework for people to fall back on. This does not only include an inner strength but also the external support structures of the believing community to overcome hardships and grief.
However, when religion and theology is misused, one can see a drop off among believers. It is accepted that those with a sincere faith do better than those with a superficial faith. For example, those who abide by an intrinsic faith overall do better than those who abide by an extrinsic faith that is based upon professional or social stature. Furthermore proper religious framing is extremely important in how a religious person views suicide. Positive religious reframing interprets negative events within a child like belief in divine providence that God is still protecting them and will bring good out of evil. Negative reframing views negative events as punishments from God. Obviously these polar opposite views result in polar opposite reactions to negative events. It is important for spiritual formation of an individual to see a loving God instead of a vengeful and punishing God. One final negative use of religion in coping involves negotiating with God via rituals and prayers. This attempted manipulation of God results in un-“answered prayers”. These unanswered prayers then pose questions within the mind of believer. Why did not God answer my prayers? Are not my prayers good enough? I must not be worthy of God’s blessings? These negative queries can lead to suicide and all because one is misusing religious prayer and ritual. One should, like Christ, accept God’s will within any prayer to the Father. With this proper understanding of prayer, a stronger relationship of faith can be built that does not create negative reactions by the believer.  A Christian counselor, should be able to guide a religious believer to the proper reactions with time and love.
With these ideas in mind on theology and the pastoral application of “good” religion upon the faithful, one can have a better understanding of the nature of suicide within its objective and subjective natures. In the end, faith, hope and love, the three theological virtues, are the necessary cures for all negative thoughts and they can only be cultivated with a healthy outlook on oneself and God.
If you are interested in Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program. The courses in Christian Counseling entail various pastoral, theological and moral principles any Christian Counselor should know.
By Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Christian Counseling Those in the Occult

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

 Counseling those in the Occult

A Christian counselor is given a unique opportunity to help those stricken by the demonic. With prudence and discernment from the Holy Spirit, a Christian Spiritual counselor can help identify demonic issues with clients. Armed with Christ, prayer and fasting, they can also help rid a client of obsession cases. Possession cases should be dealt with more carefully, especially with the dangerous nature of such cases. Help from ministers, priests, or the Church may be needed.

During counseling sessions, a person may bring up such situations of the demonic. Whether it is an obsession or a infestation case, a counselor can help with proper training and understanding. One important thing in counseling is to see if the seeds for demonic activity have been laid in the person’s life. For these reasons, one should know the client’s history. Has the client ever been involved in the occult? Has his family? In some cases, past family members can consecrate children to satan, or carry generational curses. Another question to ask is if the client has ever naively partaken in occultic ceremonies or played with occultic games 
such as ouijii boards or runes or other fortune telling tools.
Another question to ask them is if they know of any in the occult who may have came to their home or has been in their life recently. Sometimes as well, if someone moves into a new home, certain objects may carry attachments to various spirits.
 These probing questions can help a Christian counselor ascertain the source and where it is coming from so that proper blessings, prayers and intervention can take place. In most cases, these situations are a result of obsession or infestation.  These questions allow the counselor to pin point whether the occurrences were indirectly and personally caused or cast by an outside source. These questions also allow the counselor to connect the objects or reasons tied to the demonic occurrences and offer remedy. The worst thing possible is to ignore these blatant signs as modern science would desire. In the end, the greatest aide to the devil is not to believe that he exists.
If you are interested in Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program.  If you would like training for Christian counselors, then please review.

Christian Counseling Training Program: Spiritual Warfare with the Evil One and the Occult

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Spiritual Warfare

After watching “The Haunting”, a program dedicated to the true stories of evil spirits and their haunting of individuals or homes, I was amazed at how little people understood about the dangers of the demonic. Many of the families were either naive, agnostic, or lax in their faith. These three spiritual states all enhanced the power of the devil or evil spirit in their home. After writing an article or two or occult influences and how Christians should respond, I figured I would relay some of the information here for the blog and other Christian Counselors.
How to deal with a haunting? The haunting can be of two natures. 1. It can entail a benign spirit who needs prayers, or 2. it can entail a malicious spirit and/or fallen angel. Haunting can also be termed infestation. The entity is tied to an object or place.

What is Spiritual Hygiene of the Home?

In most of these cases, spiritual hygiene is important. As one cleans their homes, they should also spiritually clean it. Blessings can be annually by oneself or a minister/priest. In addition to this, pictures of Christ and crucifixes in most if not all rooms is a good idea. Catholics also put St. Benedict medals on all entries to the home, as well as buried on all four corners of the property.
If dealing with an infestation that is not benign, one should try to find the history of the home, or if any odd objects were left from the previous owners since objects can carry attachment to evil spirits. Second, a minor exorcism of the home is required. In this case, the home owner or legal authority is to go into each room with holy water and a crucifix and command the entity in the name of Christ, his saints, St. Michael, and our Lady to leave and never return. Symoblically, windows should be left open. In addition to this, some cultures also encourage the burning of sage. Some cases, also require priests or ministers to aid, but usually a homeowner has enough power in Christ’s name to deal with it.
Another problem are curses. The reality of witchcraft, the occult, and white magic is only to real. Curses are not magic. but evil incantations or prayers where one asks an evil spirit to focus

itself upon you. These curses can be battled with a good holy life and sacramentals. A man of God should never fear the power of Satan. If armed with Holy Spirit, any curse can be rendered powerless. Most curses effect secular people who do not have the spiritual defenses necessary to battle it. Christian Spiritual Counselors can help people discover the defenses necessary.
Finally, demonic oppression or obsession is a final case. This is a preliminary to possession and usually is a haunting of a human being. The demon is attracted to the person for some reason and hopes to utilize the person’s vessel. Obsession can occur due to mere attraction, or due to occult practices. One who visits mediums, plays Ouiji Boards, or other occultic games can awaken the presence of a demon. Sometimes the demon is attached to someone who enters into your life. In some cases, children are given to Satan and later in life deal with removing the entity. Some people even deal with demonic abuse. Holy men such as Padre Pio and others dealt with demonic activity as victim souls. Similar to a blessing of a home, one should treat the person the same way. If you are a parent and your child speaks of an imaginary friend and the child’s behavior starts to change, you may want to bless your child and do an exorcism of your home. You may also wish to have a priest or minister bless your child. Like a home owner, a parent has legal authority over his child and can in the name of Christ fight the demonic entity.
During spiritual warfare, do not be surprised for a battle. Lucifer and his demons will fight back. They feed off fear and vice. If confident in our savior, and only with him at your side, you can defeat the evil one, but it will be a spiritual struggle. One that in the end, will strengthen your faith in God.
If you are interested a Christian Counseling Certification, please review the program. Our Christian Counseling Training Program can help prepare future Christian Counselors.

By Mark Moran, MA

Christian Spiritual Counseling and the Roaring 20s

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counseling Education Courses: 20S-30s and Christian  Spiritual Counseling

When Christian Spiritual Counseling, one will find that the age group they counsel for will determine many of the issues that commonly become important during sessions. Each age group psychologically has a mental list of needs, achievements, and goals. If those goals are not met, certain age groups react to these “failures”. It is important as a counselor to see the common themes that pertain to each age group and to guide each patient through their age related dilemma. In the end, all ages should reflect on Christ.

The age group pertaining to the 20 and 30s is a particular age group I would like to address today. I want to point out their needs and problems that can occur when their needs are not met. As one will see this is an emerging age of self identity and self independence that will set up the future success of the person. However as a Christian spiritual counselor, remember not to get too caught up in the secularist checklist of success. It is important to also regulate the spiritual growth during this time period.
The major challenges facing this age group are competency and independence. In regards to competency, they are searching for a variety of skills that will help them interact in society as professionals and people. At the college level, a variety of intellectual and academic skills and world views are being processed. Also at a spiritual level, many are coming into contact with other religious and spiritual views for the first time. Abilities regarding interaction and apologetics become central to their development. In many ways, the foundation of adolescence will crack or remain firm. How strong is the self identity of the individual as these skills are developed? As a Christian spiritual counselor, you want to help develop skills but protect the Christian seed of faith.
The second challenge is independence. For the first time, the young adult is experiencing his own place of residence or first job. Without parental control, the young adult will experience freedoms and choices never dreamed of before; moral decisions, business decisions and personal decisions will all become the responsibility of the person, not to mention the everyday chores that once mother and father did for them. The young adult will undoubtedly learn many lessons in these formative years but hopefully the seed of the Christian faith will keep them somewhat on the road of goodness. As a Christian counselor you want to teach the young adult that with every choice comes consequences. In addition to this, you will want to aid them with coping strategies, building identity, and helping them developing self sufficiency. In addition , young adults need vocational guidance in regards to the single life, marriage and possible ministry.
As a Christian counselor it is important during this years to give support to these young people. They need educational, vocational and spiritual guidance. Help them cultivate their dreams and give them ways to achieve those goals with good planning. As a Christian spiritual counselor who deals with this age group, you are not laying a foundation, but providing direction and helping the foundation bear fruit. In many ways these years will determine if the seed of faith sprouts or decays. Hence the importance of good spiritual mentorship is critical.
If you are interested in Christian Counseling Education Courses, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

Spiritual Mentorship

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Online Training in Christian Counseling: Spiritual Mentorship

Christian spiritual counseling is a vocation that goes beyond a mere professional service. It is spiritual gift of love that through the Holy Spirit manifests between mentor and protegee. The spiritual mentor may be a priest, minister or lay person, but the central theme is a bond of a trust and spiritual guidance. This bond is as old as the Christian Church as Paul mentored Timothy and so forth. The final element is releasing. Christ finally released his apostles and disciples and trusted they would help nurture and grow the infant church. As spiritual parents, a mentor too must eventually release his spiritual child and hope that he will utilize his spiritual gifts for the benefit of the church.

The primary model of mentorship is Jesus Christ, who was the ultimate mentor to his 12 apostles and disciples. Through Christ we see three elements of mentorship that involve initiation, building and releasing. First, the mentor starts the relationship and goes out and finds the spiritual children to guide as Christ found his apostles. Second, is building. Christ built the foundation of this church through his apostles and disciples. Through his example, he taught them and instructed them and laid the foundation for them to become the leaders of the early Church.
Through this model, spiritual mentors can help harvest the faith of the many and allow it to bear fruit. As a mentor, one may be a disciple, or a coach, or a teacher, or even a counselor, but within all these roles, the idea of trust and development of Christ’s kingdom on Earth become central to the vocation. Via example, prayer, trust, mutual accountability and ultimately servanthood, the spiritual mentor becomes a pivotal player in the harvesting of the faithful. This is far more than any career but a spiritual vocation based upon a Christ model. What is most important is that it not a particular call to only the ministers, priests and religious but also a universal call to all aspects of Christian life.
In conclusion, it is the vocational duty of mentors to harvest the spiritual talents of the Mystical Body of Christ. As mentors, they too possess their own unique charism of the Holy Spirit, and through that spiritual gift of counseling they are able to guide and help others find their place in the church.  If you are interested in Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program.  Also if you would like to take online training in Christian Counseling, then please review the program.
By Mark Moran, MA

Single Life: A Christian Vocation Too

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Online Education Courses in Christian Counseling: The Single Vocation

Today’s modern world has a check list for success. Do you have a good job? Do you have a nice car? With such secularistic views, people feel they are in a race to fill in every blank. One such measuring stick of success is marriage. If one is not married after twenty five, questions arise concerning one’s self worth. This is not a Christian paradigm, nor is it the spirituality Christ expects from lay persons.

For so long, there were two roads a person could take; ministry or marriage. However, recently a third life style has emerged that demands equal respect. In fact, this third life style of the single life has in some cases been called a vocation; A vocation that bears the crosses of loneliness and exemplifies Christian characteristics of virtue. For some this vocation is temporary and it teaches and prepares one for marriage, for others it is a permanent role that demands if not more than marriage or ministry. Such single lay people are able to share their talents, not just within the confines of a family or the church, but are better equipped to teach Christ in the marketplace and are less confined to give to his or her fellow man.
Yet despite this new calling for some, the cross of loneliness can be unbearable for some. As Christian Spiritual counselors, it is one’s duty to help guide the person who is single. Within this guidance, the counselor should look for possible priestly or ministry vocation, but also investigate the urgency for a partner. The person should be given a clear view on the ideals of marriage and what it entails. Secular ideals should be dismissed and replaced with clear cut Christian morals in regards to marriage. The person should also be guided in the values in Christian virtue and how a single person can enhance their spirituality and be open to God’s grace when the possibility of a partner comes his or her way.
In the meantime, the paradigm of the Christian single should mimic that of Jesus Christ. Christ never married, and while Christianity’s high priest, never officially held a religious position. Yet Christ, as a human, experienced all the emotions of a single person-albeit not possessing a fallen nature. Christ’s needs as a single person were tempted in the desert by Satan, and during each trial, he triumphantly rejected the expectations of the world and acknowledged true virtue and good living.
So it is important to emphasize to singles that there is a plan for them. If that plan involves marriage, so be it, but even if it does not, their life destiny still has an intrinsic value which can greatly contribute to the Mystical Body of Christ. In the meantime, the counseling should emphasize in overcoming personal crosses, eliminating false notions of happiness, and emulating a plan in the model of Christ. If these things are emphasized, a person can truly walk away from a session with dignity and value in their single life.  If you would like to learn more, consider taking Christian Counseling Courses.
Also please review our online education courses in Christian Counseling.
By Mark Moran, MA

Counseling Those Through a Broken Marriage: Christian Ideals

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Online Certification Program in Christian Counseling: Christian Ideals and Divorce

                Divorce and broken romantic relationships are never the first thought that emerges as one meets that special someone.  Ideas of happiness, security, and fidelity are the thoughts that emerge in one’s mind instead of anger, sadness and betrayal.  God in the Garden, created male and female to complement one another in a state of friendship, love and   

companionship.  Later, Christ, would cement this union in the indissoluble bond of marriage.  He would raise it to a level of a holy sacrament, sanctifying the natural bond of companionship to that of a holy bond reflecting the love of the Trinity. 
                While these Christian ideals exist in both mind and world, we still nevertheless see ideals that are sometimes not met in a fallen world; a world where Lucifer, the hater of the marriage and love, hopes to corrupt with divorce and hate.  This sad reality affects many good people and spiritual counselors have the difficult task of rebuilding the wholeness of the person to the former self.  Christ, while denouncing divorce, nevertheless understands the failures and deficiencies of certain partners.  Christ realizes that while many hope to fulfill their sacred vow of “for better or worst”, there still exist many who will undermine the good intentions of their partner.  This is the sad reality of the real world, and while ideals of Christian excellence still exist, these ideals are becoming more and more obsolete and distant in a corrupt, narcissistic and immoral world that hopes for ease and pleasure in every human action.   This article will look review three concepts regarding broken relationships.  First, we will review false notions.  Second, we will look into some grief concepts of attachment theory and grief recovery and finally, we will look at some sociological reactions we see from broken individuals of divorce.  All of this, however, will be guided and illuminated via a Christian perspective that hopes to alleviate the suffering of the broken in this fallen world.

If Its Broke, Throw It Away?

 It is the true that the era of fixing something if it is broke is over.  Instead, the modern generation with its lack of patience or work ethic, would much rather throw something that is broke away.  We see it in every aspect in life.   Advertising floods our minds with if something is outdated, upgrade.  Far gone are notions of repairs on the simple things in life.  Instead of sewing a shirt that loses a button, materialism pushes one to buy an entire new shirt.  While these analogies are a far cry from actual human interaction, one cannot dismiss the modern world view of quick fixes and minimal effort or “out it goes”.  When such detrimental philosophies exist, can one not expect it to permeate other aspects of life?  If one simply infuses secular

humanism, materialism, moral relativism, and other “isms” that promote self over others, then one can understand why relationships also fail and divorce rates rise. 
     What then to look for?  When two people come for counseling, what personalities manifest?  While the Church attempts in Pre-Cana to pin point potential ethical and moral differences among couples, it sometimes cannot find everything.  Sometimes existing deep within the soul of a partner is a person not known.  Hence the frequent comments of “he or she changed” or “he or she was not the person I thought he or she was” are heard in mass quantity.  The marriage counselor looks to discover what is now missing from those once blissful “honeymoon” days.  What went wrong and who was at fault?   In the end, many of the issues can point to the previous paragraph and the many social “isms” listed.  This is why it is so imperative for people to truly know one another  beyond the physical.  While the Church strictly forbids pre-marital sex, a counselor still must exist in the reality of the world.  Most couples, even Christian, partake in pre-marital sex.  In many cases, the relationship becomes sex.  With this comes a flood of emotional bonds that are only meant for husband and wife.  Obviously this pre-martial chastity feat is easier said than done, especially when emotions run high and sex is seen everywhere in our social media.  Yet, the distortion sex can play in regards to one’s true emotional bond and who someone is can play a major deceptive force.  In the end, no one can separate emotion from the physical act of conjugation.  Even the most ardent hedonist or narcissist will become attached or emotional in some way, albeit selfish, with someone who frequents their bed chamber.  It is inevitable.  It is perhaps these reasons why one sees so many divorces.  People do not truly know each other and there exists more than ever a series of “isms” and ideals that are contrary to the gospel.  With marriage becoming a contract instead of a covenant, this alarming trend will continue and people will suffer heart break.

Grief Recovery

                The second thing a Christian Counselor should consider is the actual grief recovery process.  Attachment is a very powerful part of human existence.  Attachment Theory first promoted by John Bowlby looked at the intimate bond infants and children had for their parents.  Humans as social creatures must form bonds.  Healthy social skills that promote bond building are essential in human psychological development.  When these attachments are torn away, it can produce great stress and emotional pain to the individual.  These attachments are also important in romantic love.  The intensity of the sexual act only intensifies most bonds.   Hence the intensity of the bond correlates with the intensity of the grief and time of recovery.  While most people are resilient, pathological grief reactions can occur that lead to depression or other forms of complicated grief after divorce.  Those who are more prone to intense grief reactions are usually the ex-spouses who were more dependent, financially as well as emotionally, upon the ex-lover.  Betrayal, abuse and false expectations can also intensify the grief reaction.  
                The sudden loneliness and anxiety that follows a breakup can also intensify the grief reaction.  In addition to the shock that everything was an illusion and the adaption that accompanies this horrifying change, partners are now finding themselves in their big lonely bed by themselves.  The smallest scent or image can produce a tidal wave of emotional imagery that brings the person to tears over the loss of a relationship.  Unfortunately there are no short cuts in this tale and everyone must work through their grief and adapt and format the loss of a relationship into their new life story.   While the scars  

remain, one is able to adjust, grow and find wholeness.  The past chapters will always remain in one’s life story, but they do not have to be the chapters that dominate the theme of the overall tale.  Via counseling, prayer and a strong relationship with Christ one again can find wholeness and love; a love that transcends mere human bonds, but a love for Christ that heals and allows one to love him or herself again.
Social Reactions
                Crawling out of the hole of divorce, however, is far from easy.  While emotional issues tear at one, one is also besieged with legal and financial issues that can further cripple one emotionally.  This is even intensified more when children and change of living conditions occur that result in alterations of household traditions.  No longer does there exist certainty but only doubt.  This leads to a large array of different sociological reactions to divorce that are beyond the mere stress and depression.  People simply become different than their usual self during this difficult transition.   Some people become distant from the opposite sex.  Cynical and doubting of any person worthy of trust, these individuals either avoid intimacy or seek it only for pleasurable purposes with no true meaning.  They fear commitment because they do not wish to be hurt, but their desires to satisfy the loneliness drive them to find something.  Some find that something in random sexual friends, drugs, or off the wall adventures.  Others are the opposite.  They are in such a desperate state that they hope to capture the essence of any relationship to fill their void.  In many cases, these rebound relationships end in disaster.  The reality is they cannot find happiness in themselves due to the break up, so they seek it in other people.  They seek the “relationship” and correlate it with any face.  They forget that the relationship is the byproduct of the person and not vice versa.  With these confusing times, some find resiliency eventually, while others search in the dark for any light they can find.  In these cases, counseling is needed to help the person find wholeness.
Wholeness in Christ
                Ultimately, finding this wholeness again and healing the deep wounds of divorce is a spiritual endeavor and trek.  It cannot happen fast, but is a process.  Like any process, there will be oscillation of emotion.  There will be “better days” and there will be “bad days” but ultimately the process if guided correctly will lead the person out of this valley of despair. 
                Wholeness is best found in Christ.  Through the church, prayer, support groups, the sacraments (for Catholics) and true friends, one is able to overcome the over whelming change.  They are able to identify that the past will not define their future.  They will be able to love themselves and seek not what they think they need, but only what Christ wills for them.  By accepting and carrying one’s cross and accepting the will of the Father, one begins the first step of healing.  Christian suffering identifies crosses throughout one’s life and utilizes them to become stronger in one’s faith in Christ and to share in  

his   suffering.   Once one submits their will to Christ and embraces their cross, then and only then will they discover the sweetness of its weight and the company of Christ who burdens most of their pain.  Through that company in suffering, one again will rise from the ashes, become whole, and find new beginnings in greater chapters of their life story.
If you are interested in the Christian Counseling Certification, please review the program.

Also please review our online certification program in Christian Counseling
Mark Moran, MA, SCC-C, GC-C
               
               

How Christians Should Regard Worries of the Future

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

How Christians Should Regard Issues of the Future

The question of the future is a universal query of all men. The unknown fascinates and scares the human mind. These questions while natural also can lead to dangerous routes for Christians. Obsession with the future can become a major distraction to one’s spirituality and mental health as well as spiritual dangers with the dark one. 

Christian Spiritual Advisors need to guide their clients away from these distractions and darker places. On to many occasions, Christians flee to the advice of mediums or spiritualists whose talents rest in the occult. Christian Counselors need to remind their clients that these avenues are dangerous and at best are cheap tricks by Satan. The future can only come from God.

Is this to insinuate that foreseen knowledge is entirely evil? The reality is God does reveal the future in Scripture and through various prophets and mystics who are blessed with a spiritual ability. The trouble is discernment with who possesses a God driven gift from God and who utilizes the powers of Satan. 

Christian Counselors, however, while acknowledging legitimate sources from God, should try to push their clients into focusing more on their present spirituality. To many times people focus on tomorrow instead of focusing on now. There certainly will be no tomorrow if one does not live the present. With this in mind, one should live day by day and while hoping for a good future, not become obsessed with it so that it damages the present.  If you are interested in the Christian Counseling Certification Program, please review it.
The Program in Christian Counseling Education is open for qualified counselors who wish to spread the light of Christ.

By Mark Moran, MA

How Counselors Should Cultivate Vocations to the Religious Life

Posted on by Dominick Flarey
Many are called but few are chosen has always been a phrase to identify the elite. Within Christianity and scripture this is also true. The vocation to become a minister or priest is a special calling and should be cultivated by Christian Counselors.  It does not entail superiority because many have other vocational callings in the Mystical Body of Christ. It does however answer in spiritual terms the highest calling Christ can give someone. St. Paul emphasizes this in his writings as well.  Rare and precious, vocational callings should be nurtured at a young age when signs begin to manifest. Potential vocations can be seen in children who possess extreme spiritual insight and above average interest and love of God. Also supernatural occurrences around the child can spell the potential for a vocation.
As Christian  Spiritual Counselors, sometimes one needs to help an adult rediscover his or her vocation. Over years, secularism and vice can corrupt a vocation but through faith and rediscovery a person can return to his vocation. This is a truly special moment for a Christian counselor who can help re-foster a lost vocation.
If you are working with a person in discernment of vocation, you should encourage prayer, scripture and retreats. It is also good to send a person to visit a religious community or seminary and see if the person likes it.

A vocation is a special thing that should not be taken lightly. Whether it is a minister, priest, nun or religious, all vocations are gifts to this world from God. As a Spiritual Director, one should take this very seriously when counseling potential vocations.
If you would like to become trained as a Christian Counselor, then please review the program.

By Mark Moran, MA