Author: Dominick Flarey

Child Grief and ADHD Counseling with Depressed Children

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Depression in children and ADHD Counseling

 
Childhood and adolescent depression has increased dramatically in the past several decades.  Some blame the sensitivity of children combined with the increased violence and use of video games.  Others look to the increased use of drugs and alcohol in the parents that may have genetically affected their children.  Others point to a mixture of problems, such as manifestations of ADHD and point out that ADHD counseling or other psychological counseling is needed to deal with the depression.
Symptoms of depression in children are very similar to those of an adult suffering from depression.  The DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – IV addition) lists the criteria for adult depression and depression in children as the same.  Although the criteria are the same, children often do not have the vocabulary to talk about their feelings and may express them through behavior instead of words.  Younger children with depression may act out their depression with phobias, separation anxiety, ADHD, or somatic complaints (body problems). 
Depression in children can be observed via external signs.  The child can become sick or be less spontaneous and have less energy in their normal daily activities.  Young children may become tearful or irritable and become self-destructive. Depression in children in their adolescent years will exhibit academic decline, disruptive behavior and problems with their friends.  The adolescent’s grades will fall along with a decline in less after school activity.
These symptoms are merely the manifestation of the problem.  To rectify and help the child, one must  in addition to identifying the depression understand its root causes.  Causes of depression in children have not been conclusively defined.  There are factors such as stressful life experiences, inconsistent parenting and a negative view of the world.  Depression in children is also associated with a family history of mood disorders and the existence of other psychiatric conditions.  Some feel that children inherit a predisposition to depression and anxiety but environmental triggers are necessary for manifestation.
Treatment of depression in childhood does not have a cookbook technique.  The treatment must be tailored to the history of the family, the needs of the child and the risk versus benefit.  Often psychotherapy is employed first and medication is supplemented if improvement is minimal. 
Regardless, identifying the symptoms and understanding the causes are critical for a parent with a child who is depressed.  Counseling is imperative for the overall mental health of the child.  Through this child grief counseling, the child can eventually overcome the depression and the situation at home or school can be rectified.  
 
 
 
 

Death and Child Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Death and Child Grief

The earliest memories of death and its imprint on the young mind can be quite scarring and traumatic for children.  Depending on the level of mental development some children cannot even fathom what death itself means much less grasp the grief that is associated with it.  Eventually as the age of reason comes, the emotional aspect of missing someone correlates with the intellectual reality of what death and missing that someone means in regards to life.  It is within that age of reason that parents or other family members need to address death with children.  Obviously within this objective importance of addressing death, there are subjective cases where prudence will decide how much detail is necessary, but to disenfranchise a child’s grief over the death of a loved one can be traumatic to a child.  Child grief is hence an important thing to understand.
Most professionals and grief counselors believe that death should be addressed to children.  The detail should match the maturity of the child.  The child needs to know so that he or she has a better understanding of why routines or emotional behaviors have changed.  The child also needs reassured that while everyone will eventually die that not everyone is going to “go away” immediately.  By talking, the child can also express his or her fears.  Some of these fears may seem insignificant to an adult mind but may be very real for a child.  Through an open forum, any damaging ideas can be dismissed.
The biggest thing for a child is to let them know things will eventually return to normal and that there is stability and love for them.  They need to know that one’s loved one is never forever gone but only temporarily; if Christian, Christian grief ideas can be applied as well.
Overall, children need to know that their concerns mean something.  One of the biggest mistakes one can make is to keep a child in the dark and not communicate with him or her about a death.  On to many occasions parents neglect the needs of their children while they personally grieve.
Grief counseling and grief counselors can help in these trying times.  Some children may need extra help to express themselves.  In these cases, grief and in some cases professional counseling may be needed by those who specialize in child and adolescent grief counseling.
If you are interested in how to become a child bereavement counselor, then please review.

Pastoral Thanatology and Judaism

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Judaism and Pastoral Thanatology

As a Pastoral Counselor and Thanatologist, it is important to have a broad understanding of all religious ideals and faiths.  This enables the counselor to pastorally care for the suffering and soon to die in a compassionate way that accommodates the individual.  Christians will not always deal with Christians, so it is important to broaden one’s theological knowledge into all faiths.   We will briefly review some of the primary concepts of Judaism and death to sharpen one’s knowledge in inter-faith dialogue and practice.

Judaism as a non-creedal religion has various interpretations on the afterlife, but the general consensus is affirmation of the next world.  Heaven and Hell again or not clearly defined but within the Jewish circle, most contend that it is a reunification with God and a sharing of happiness with family.  Salvation is based upon a good life on earth that is open to all people.  One does not need to share in the Jewish religion to be saved, but must adhere to a good and moral life to obtain salvation.   Upon death all are judged and eventually share in the resurrection.  Resurrection is believed to be physical if a Traditional Jew, while the resurrection is believed to be only spiritual if one is a Reformed Jew.  These slight differences and no dogmatic declarations leave one with a small variety of differences, however, if counseling a dying Jew, one can rest assured if the Jew is religious, he or she shares in a belief of God and the afterlife.
In regards to burial, the traditional Jew is placed in a simple wooden box casket and clothed in plain white shrouds.  These shrouds are placed upon the deceased after the cleansing prayers.  The funeral itself is divided into two parts.  The first is held at the synagogue or funeral home and the second is held at the gravesite.  Mourning, freedom of emotion and other public expressions are encouraged here as the relatives and friends share in their grief.
As a pastoral counselor this information is important, but most important to the science of Thanatology is the care of the dying.  In Judaism, care for the dying is extremely important.  The person who is dying must be constantly attended to and never left alone.  All of their wishes, even the most minor thirst, must be answered.  Close members of the family consider these to blessed tasks.   Such close care allows the family to express their love but also to give the dying a sense of peace and love.  Once the person has expired, the son or nearest relative closes the eyes and mouth of the parent are closed.  The body then undergoes a ritualistic series of cleansing and purification.
It is important if witnessing the death of a devout Jew to understand these rituals.  While you may not partake individually in these functions, having a solid understanding of them may come to be of service to the family.  It is also important for the dying themselves to feel understood.  Potentially sharing scripture and God’s love can be of great service to a dying Jew.  Remember, if a Theist, there is much Christians and Jews share in regards to the God of Abraham.   Share these precious mutual stories and beliefs of faith that bind Christians and Jews alike.  In the end, that is what will allow you as a Pastoral Counselor to succeed in inter-faith dialogue.

Pastoral Thanatology and Islam

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Islam and Pastoral Thanatology

Islam while a Monotheistic creed does pose a challenge for a Western counselor.   The Pastoral Thanatologist, however, can meet the needs of the Islamic suffering by covering the general aspects of paradise and a good and just God; a God that is the same and shared by all monotheistic traditions as the God of Abraham.   Still, a slight understanding of Islamic death and eschatology can be of great benefit when counseling a Muslim who is about to die.
Upon approach of death of a Muslim, verses of the Quran are read to remind the person of his faith.   At the moment of death, ritualistic purification is necessary.  These rituals play a pivotal role in Islam and at the moment of death such rituals continue to play an important role.  One such ritual is the washing of the body.  This ritual is conducted by a professional washer who recites part of the Quran.  After completion of this, the body is wrapped in a white shroud and taken to the Mosque.  There a service is conducted with readings from the Quran and other rituals. 

Within 24 hours, the body is prepared for burial.   The body then is laid in a wooden coffin facing Mecca.  Practices such as embalming or preservation or forbidden since the theology of Islam believes the body should return to the ground as quickly and naturally as possible.   During the following months after death, the family continues to pray for the deceased begging for his or her intercession before God.
The Eschatology of Islam contains many common principles with other Monotheistic religions.  The theme of life after death, judgment and resurrection of the body are shared within the Muslim community.  Ideas of reincarnation and other Eastern ideals are rejected.   Upon judgment of the soul, it is either condemned to a life of bliss or life of torment.   Some believe the “fire” can be temporary for purgation while some others are in doubt whether the fire is eternal.  In regards to heaven, Muslims believe it is the reward of the just, but, according to some, can still be attained by those who suffer purgation.   Regardless, all Muslims believe the soul returns to the grave whether to exist in a state of bliss or a state of misery until the end day.  Upon that day, the souls undergo a general judgment and enter into the “garden” of paradise or enters into the “fire”.   Again, the eternal nature of the “fire” is an open debate among Muslims.   Some literalistic Muslims refer to the bridge that must be crossed on that judgment day.  The souls of the just across a wide bridge across the fire to the garden.  They are beckoned by the Prophet, Mohammad.  While the souls of the unjust have a narrow bridge as sharp and narrow as that of a sword.   Upon this day, the souls are finally granted their reward or punishment.
In understanding these slight differences of eschatology and death, Western pastoral counselors can better comfort the grieving and suffering people of the Islamic world.  Whether it be to the one who is about to die or the family that surrounds him or her, an understanding of the Quran and eschatology of Islam would always be appreciated by those in need and anguish. 

By Mark Moran, MA
 

Pastoral Thanatology and Hinduism

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Hinduism and Pastoral Thanatology

Pastoral counselors or Thanatologists can come into contact with an array of theologies that are not particular to the West.  Many of the Eastern religions are no exception to this.  It is very important for the counselor to be aware of at least some of the theology of these religions, especially in regards to death.
Hinduism is one of the key Eastern religions.  It surpasses Buddhism in age and many of the tenets of Buddhism derive from Hinduism.  There are slight differences regarding the essence of God, the number of reincarnations, and final enlightenment, but the preparations for death have the same essence and core; death is preparation for the next life or enlightenment.  So 

despite the different rituals and slight theological differences both religions share a common theme in regards to how death is viewed.
Hinduism views death as a portal to the next life and eventual enlightenment or reunion with Brahman.   However, the cycles of reincarnation can be endless until that reunification is finally achieved.  Karma determines not only when the cycle of  rebirth will end, but also the quality of life in the next rebirth.  Hence good living and good dying is critical to a Hindu. 
The purpose of the Hindu rites of the dead is to ensure that death is a smooth transition for the deceased and that he or she may attain enlightenment or a good rebirth.  While these rites can last up to a year, most rites only last ten days after the death of the family member.  Prior to death, the soon to be deceased is surrounded by family and read to from the holy texts of the Veda and Bhagavad Gita.  After the initial death, usually a son then cleanses his parent’s body.  Drops from the Ganges River are sometimes applied at the lips.  Following this, the body is wrapped in white.  Within a day or two, the body is prepared for cremation, so that the body may travel to the next life.  The body is also burned as a sacrifice.
During the ten days, the family offers various prayers and offerings to God and also the Brahmins on behalf of the deceased.  While the karma of the deceased will ultimately decide his or her fate, these prayers can be of some benefit.  Finally after the tenth day, the ghostlike period of the deceased ends and on the eleventh day the soul will find enlightenment or a new rebirth; the quality of that rebirth being dependent upon the karma of that person.   Eventually after the soul learns the value of self sacrifice and love, it can claim its reunification with Brahman.
Knowing these theological beliefs and reading the texts of Hinduism can ensure that one who deals with pastoral issues of death can be of help and comfort to someone with these beliefs.  It is not an issue for Western counselors to change their beliefs but to be well informed and a better global care giver to the many needs of other cultures in addition to the needs of the West.
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Pastoral Thanatology and Buddhism

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Thanatology and Buddhism

There are rare occasions when the counselor or pastoral agent may find himself or herself in a situation that is beyond the monotheistic theologies of the West.  In such cases, a pastoral care goes beyond administering theological guidance but merely treating the person in a humane way and being well informed regarding their dying rites.  One distant theology that most pastoral thanatologists rarely study is Buddhism. 

Buddhism is an Eastern religion stemming out of India and China.  Its basic idea of God differs from Western theology.  God is not a being, but the idea of God is merely creation as it is.  The cosmos has always existing within itself and everyone shares in that existence on multiple planes and dimensions.  Among the many worlds one can exist is Earth.  On Earth, a person’s status as a human being or animal is determined by one’s karma or how they existed in the previous life.  The importance of good living is emphasized due to this because one hopes to achieve a better next life-whether on Earth or in a celestial heaven.  These reincarnations, however, are limited and the eventual key is to attain the state of Nirvana, or nothingness.  In this state, one can escape all form of suffering .  Various enlightened men or beings achieve certain elevated states known as Buddhas, who aid the common people in their aspiration for enlightenment or Nirvana.  Under the guidance of these enlightened beings, preparation for the next life is examined as well as proper death to achieve the desired end in the next life.  It is for this reason that family of the dying or soon to be deceased take great care to ensure that all the spiritual needs of their loved one are met.  It is imperative that spiritual rituals are conducted so that the soon to be deceased may make a good transition into the next life.  This is especially critical during the final hours of life.
Death is seen as an opportunity for a new life.  Mourning and other human emotions are ideally held back to prevent any excessive regret or drama in the dying person.  It is important to clear the state of mind so that the dying person can find good rebirth.   The dying person, if trained under the guidance of Buddhist principles, or trained by religious monks, hopes to control his or her subconscious as much as possible during his or her final minutes on Earth as he or she enters into the unknown of death.  This is something most Buddhists prepare for their whole life via mental and spiritual exercises. As death approaches, the Buddhist approaches the eight stages of death.  The first stages deal with physical symptoms as the life force leaves the body, while the later stages deal with visions of the soul.  In these later stages, the consciousness exists simply as a subtle mind sustained by very little energy.  In these later stages, the more trained the Buddhist, the more it is said he or she remembers of his or her previous life. 
 After death is completed, family members and religious leaders begin a series of prayers, offerings, mantras and other rituals for the person’s benefit.    For 49 days, prayers are said for the deceased to aid the person in his ghostly wandering.  The purpose is to help the soul find a good rebirth and to be safe from evil entities who may guide one wrongly into a bad rebirth.  After the 49 days, the soul, if lucky, finds either a higher state of being or at least a human state to exist in.  The reincarnated state then begins the entire cycle over until eventual Nirvana.
While odd and incompatible with Western ideals, the pastoral thanatologist or counselor can help those who suffer no matter what the creed.  When dealing with Buddhists, it is important to remember that death is a doorway to rebirth.  In many ways, they have prepared for death their whole life and welcome it as a way to improve themselves.  With this in mind, it is important to be respectful of such traditions and try to ease the mind of the suffering as much as possible, preparing them within their tradition for their final breathe.
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Christian Dignity and End of Life Care

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Dying with Christian Dignity

Everyone’s ultimate cross and fate lies in death. For some death will come peacefully, others violently, while others will fight it to the end or meekly accept it. Whichever the case, all deserve dignity in their final moments. The Christian faith accepts death with dignity as a way of transformation from the temporal state to the eschatological state. In this transformation, life does not cease, but continues and is enhanced in the beatific vision for the just. Ultimately, even the temporal form of man, his body, will again taste life in the general resurrection.

Christianity faces death with dignity. It does not hope to trick death, fear death, or prematurely sacrifice oneself to it without greater cause. Christianity views death as the final cross and suffering where one  

can offer his or her pains to Christ in one last redemptive manner for one’s own sins and the sins of the world. The ironic ideal of death and suffering giving life and happiness is manifested when a Christian puts his faith and hope in Christ and accepts his or her cross. The ultimate paradigms of Christ and his saints show one how to accept these final moments; moments that differ from person to person in every way but ultimately lead to one destination which is God.  Counselors of Pastoral Care need to emphasize this and help people understand it as death approaches with their end of life care .

While Christ and his saints offer great insight into the acceptance of death, I would like to go beyond the mere spiritual preparation that involves prayer, sacraments, and other pious rituals. I would rather look at how a Christian within the modern world of science accepts death. Does the Christian seek an easy death that involves euthanasia, or does he seek to extend his life through every scientific means to the point of losing self identity? These are difficult questions but the church has given some insight for not only primary caregivers, but also for those competent enough to make the decisions regarding life and death in correlation with Christian dignity.
The terms ordinary and extraordinary measures are the foundation for such decisions in determining whether to prolong or cease life. Ordinary medical measures refer to any proven methodologies within the medical community that are needed in order for life to be maintained. Such examples would be any basic medications or proven surgeries that can cure the ailment. As Christians, we are called to accept the crosses that come with these procedures and choose life at all costs. Extraordinary measures, however, are measures that sustain life that are beyond the basic measures. Extraordinary measures could include experimental drugs, unproven surgeries and high risk procedures with no sure or certain outcome. Also included within this idea are any methods that sustain life artificially. Christians are given the option to choose or deny extraordinary measures. If they so choose, an extraordinary measure can be applied but the right to accept the natural consequences of death with human dignity is fully accepted within the Christian tradition. Such decisions on extraordinary measures are usually made by the patient if still lucid, but later fall to the family in order of legal authority.
Christians are to accept death with faith and hope and are encouraged to utilize modern medications and procedures but when these procedures and medications become overbearing and unfruitful, a Christian may with confidence meekly accept the final cross of his or her life and with love meet God in the afterlife.  If you are interested in Pastoral Thanatology Certification, please review the program.

By Mark Moran, MA

Last Rites and Pastoral Counseling

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Pastoral Counseling and Last Rites

Pastoral Thanatology calls for a strong understanding of the rituals and spiritual aspects that surround death.  One particular care falls under the sacramental nature of the Blessing of the Sick.  While primarily a Catholic sacrament known as Last Rites or Extreme Unction, all Christian circles can appreciate the necessity of pastoral guidance and the presence of the Holy Spirit that encompasses it.  The necessity of grace that gives clarity, forgiveness, certainty, and peace to the dying  

person  is administered by the priest or minister via the power of the Holy Spirit.   This is materialized in the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.
Again, while Protestant circles, do not agree in this sacramental nature of the anointing, it can be agreed, they do believe in the grace that is poured upon the dying person to accept Christ and prepare the person for his entrance into heaven.  This should suffice in a general agreement that prayer, blessing, and other symbolisms are beneficial to the person-if not on a spiritual level, at least at a psychological level.  The remainder of this article, however, will focus on the sacramental nature and grace of this Catholic sacrament to better describe its principles.  In this regard, Catholic and non-Catholic pastoral counselors can both benefit, if not in practice, but at least in comprehension of the sacramental theology.
The sacraments of the Catholic Church span the life of those in the Mystical Body of Christ.  Each sacrament has a particular sacramental grace that performs a particular function.  Baptismal grace is a sanctifying grace that removes the stain of Original sin, makes one a child of God and an heir to heaven; it gives life.  Confirmation’s sacramental grace strengthens the growing soul and gives it the particular graces to become a solider of Christ.   The Eucharist as a sacrament feeds the soul.  Reconciliation heals the soul.  Matrimony and Holy Orders particularly deal with life choices and supply the soul with the necessary graces to serve God as a married person or an ordained minister.   The sacramental nature of the Anointing of the Sick also serves the life span of the person, namely in danger of death or at the ultimate moment of death.
As a sacrament, Anointing of the Sick, feeds the soul a variety of graces pertaining to the function of the sacrament.  First, it is a healing sacrament.  It can heal physically, but generally and most of the time, it heals spiritually.  With this particular function, it can carry a sanctifying element for the soul.  It can restore the divine life in the soul lost via grave sin.  The anointing of the oil, blessing, and prayers can also serve as a strengthening.  The sacramentals or holy objects or rituals utilized are mere manifestations of the spiritual renewal going on beyond human sight.   The soul is not only healed but strengthened by the Holy Spirit with the virtue of faith and hope; faith in Christ and hope in Christ that his promises will be fulfilled.   Hence this sacramental grace produces a calming effect on the soul, allowing the soul to free itself from anxiety and doubt.  This sacramental grace also produces a calmness that protects the soul and claims it as one of God’s children, warding off the howls of the evil one.
As a pastoral counselor, one will come across the miraculous manifestations of this sacrament.  You will experience the peace, the love, and the presence of the Holy Spirit in the room.  You will sense the peace that replaces the anxiety, the certainty that replaces the doubt and the courage that replaces the fear.   For these reasons, one should not so easily dismiss the sacramental benefits of the Anointing at all levels; spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological.  If not Catholic, pastoral counselors should utilize some of the techniques and prayers from this ritual and utilize it.  These rituals will enhance the presence of the Holy Spirit and aid you in preparing the person for death or healing them completely. If you are interested in Pastoral Thanatology, please review the program.
 
 By Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C
 

Spiritual Mentorship

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Online Training in Christian Counseling: Spiritual Mentorship

Christian spiritual counseling is a vocation that goes beyond a mere professional service. It is spiritual gift of love that through the Holy Spirit manifests between mentor and protegee. The spiritual mentor may be a priest, minister or lay person, but the central theme is a bond of a trust and spiritual guidance. This bond is as old as the Christian Church as Paul mentored Timothy and so forth. The final element is releasing. Christ finally released his apostles and disciples and trusted they would help nurture and grow the infant church. As spiritual parents, a mentor too must eventually release his spiritual child and hope that he will utilize his spiritual gifts for the benefit of the church.

The primary model of mentorship is Jesus Christ, who was the ultimate mentor to his 12 apostles and disciples. Through Christ we see three elements of mentorship that involve initiation, building and releasing. First, the mentor starts the relationship and goes out and finds the spiritual children to guide as Christ found his apostles. Second, is building. Christ built the foundation of this church through his apostles and disciples. Through his example, he taught them and instructed them and laid the foundation for them to become the leaders of the early Church.
Through this model, spiritual mentors can help harvest the faith of the many and allow it to bear fruit. As a mentor, one may be a disciple, or a coach, or a teacher, or even a counselor, but within all these roles, the idea of trust and development of Christ’s kingdom on Earth become central to the vocation. Via example, prayer, trust, mutual accountability and ultimately servanthood, the spiritual mentor becomes a pivotal player in the harvesting of the faithful. This is far more than any career but a spiritual vocation based upon a Christ model. What is most important is that it not a particular call to only the ministers, priests and religious but also a universal call to all aspects of Christian life.
In conclusion, it is the vocational duty of mentors to harvest the spiritual talents of the Mystical Body of Christ. As mentors, they too possess their own unique charism of the Holy Spirit, and through that spiritual gift of counseling they are able to guide and help others find their place in the church.  If you are interested in Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program.  Also if you would like to take online training in Christian Counseling, then please review the program.
By Mark Moran, MA

Pet Loss Grief and People

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Pet Loss Grief

How is pet loss grief different than grieving for a fellow human being? In many ways, the two are the same. For some people, however, their pets are their closest confidants. These people choose to tell all of their deepest, darkest, secrets to their cat or dog instead of risking telling them to a person who might tell. Pets are a great comfort to their companions, and when they die, they leave a hole unlike any other known to man. When a person loses their pet, their house feels quiet and empty all of a sudden. Their everyday routines are altered and do not feel comfortable or right. There is no pet to feed or take on a walk or to cuddle with or reprimand when it scratches on the couch or barks at the mail man. A dog or a cat can be a person’s best friend, and losing that is hard to cope with