Author: Dominick Flarey

The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying

A new book authored by: Richard Wagner, Ph.D, ACS

A Brief Description
================
The Amateur’s Guide To Death And Dying is an 8″ x 10″ workbook for enhancing the end of life. It is on the cutting edge of death and dying work. Readers are challenged to liberate themselves from the deadening passivity and isolation that society heaps upon them. They gain perspective on numerous issues related to modern dying…whether it’s filling out a durable power of attorney form, answering provocative questions about sexuality and intimacy, completing a death anxiety survey or personally designing a unique end-of-life plan…readers are totally involved and engaged.

Click here to learn more about this important and exciting book!

If you would like to learn more, please review our program.  As a certified grief counselor, you can help many people overcome and adapt to their grief

How Loving God Properly Disposes Us To True Love On Earth

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counseling, Love and God

People constantly yearn to meet the love of their life.  They go to Christian Counseling sessions for guidance, meet with friends and go on dating sites.  Ultimately, even with the greatest advice, one cannot find one’s soul mate without first finding oneself.
The only way to find oneself is to establish a relationship with God.  God who is the source of all goodness and love can fill the lonely soul with the grace necessary to carry out his will.  As one perfects himself in the peaceful bliss of the Lord, they attract what is intended and Our Lord sends them the one.
Yet while there are many who seek too hard, their are those who cannot love at all and desire a relationship for the benefits instead of love.  Their narcissistic self love is incapable of giving or sharing in a relationship.  The relationship exists in itself for their own pleasure and once it does not work, then it can become disposable.  So many marriages end because of one or both partners being infected with such false notions of love.
Jesus told the apostles and the people that one must love God with their whole heart, mind, soul and strength.  He also reminded them that they must put God first in everything.  Our Lord understood the nature of love.  While justice also demanded that a creation love its creator, Jesus was also trying to teach our selfish nature to love beyond ourselves.  If we can put God before everything, then we are truly manifesting love.
This manifestation of love then can be transferred to our fellow creatures.  By our experience with God, we will understand the nature of sacrifice and putting others first.  We also will have a more mature perspective in how two people share a life with one another.  This understanding of love will benefit us in relationships of every type, whether romantic, parental or merely friendship.
If you are interested in  Online Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program.  Our Online Christian Counseling courses involve a text book and open book exam.  Mentorship is given as needed.  After completing the online Christian Counseling courses, one can become eligible for certification.

Mark Moran, MA

Palliative Care and the Dying

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Palliative Care and Death

Pastoral Care givers are thrilled that more options are becoming more available for dying patients to live their remaining lives at home and in decency.  Federal laws are looming that may help families afford this option and give their loved ones some peace in their final days.

Irma Faith Pal of Inquirer News writes about the growing need of good and affordable Palliative Care in her article, “Palliative Care: Helping the Dying “To Live Until He Dies”

“For any family, it is devastating to hear doctors say there is nothing more they can do for the patient.
But with palliative care, patients and their families can face the prospect of death more courageously. It offers well-thought-out “goals of care” that ease suffering and give the patient the opportunity to die with dignity and in comfort.”

If you are interested in learning more about Pastoral Thanatology, then please review the program and click here

AIHCP

The Fortitude of St. John The Baptist and Do You Want To Take Christian Counseling Courses

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counselors Can Use St. John The Baptist As A Paradigm of Fortitude

So many lose hope in Christ when their prayers are not answered the way they wish them to be answered.  Christian Counselors face this everyday.  The unrelenting questions of why did God not do this or do that.
Christians tend to relate to prayer as a contract.  If I say this or do that, then God must answer this or that.  As if a magical spell, they expect.  And when that expectation fails, they either blame their own faith or curse the heavens.   Some even doubt their faith.  Such misunderstandings of Christianity lead to many lost souls.
One paradigm to emulate is St. John the Baptist.  If any a man was close to Christ, it was this man who was not only a brother of Christ in faith but also physically a cousin by blood.  St. John lived his life for God, offered everything and became the forerunner of the Messiah.  He even baptized Jesus!
With such a lofty resume, St. John was still imprisoned.  St. John was still beheaded.  Yet, St. John, if anyone, would have a legitimate gripe with God, but he did not.  He did not demand that his cousin and God made man, Jesus, save him.  He did not curse God that the gates of Herod did not magically open for him at night.  Instead, he accepted his cross.  St. John accepted the will of the Father and submitted his will to him.  Do not think for a moment, St. John did not fear death, or wished for rescue, but in his faith, his prayer joined with the will of the Father.  This is a fortitude that we must emulate in our own pilgrim voyage on Earth.  We cannot expect deliverance from everything, but what we can expect is God’s grace to carry us through it.
Even Christ, who desired to save St. John, could not for it was not the will of the Father.  This same fortitude manifested in Christ when he submitted himself like a lamb to the slaughterers.  In our sicknesses, crosses and pains we experience in life, we must learn if not now, soon, that prayer is not always about deliverance but for the most part acceptance of the situation–and when, if it does, when the Lord does spare us, let us give him praise, but no more praise than if he did not.
If you are interested in a Christian Counseling Certification, please review the program.  If you would like to take Christian Counseling courses, then please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

The Burning Bush or Best Friend? and Do You Want to Become a Christian Counselor?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Christian Counselors Can Help People Find A Balanced Relationship With God

In the Old Testament, Moses approached the Burning Bush and was greeted with the awe inspiring words, “I Am Who Am”.  These words portrayed a being that is eternal and is the source of all.  Moses, immediately removed his sandals and fell before God.  The mere presence turned his coal black hair to ghost white.
In the New Testament, Christ washes the feet of the apostles so that they may be clean.  He allows himself to be their friend and a suffering servant on the cross.  The apostles worship him but also hug him and share life with him.
So what is the proper relationship with the Trinity?  Is it one that sees One God and Three Persons as an Omniscient, Omnipotent, Eternal and Ever Present Deity that created all and keeps everything in existence or is it a relationship of conversation with a man named Jesus who shares our trials and sufferings?
Should we bow in adoration or hug and hold in friendship?  Should we tremble in fear, or rejoice in love?  Are we a mere creation or a good friend with God?
The answer is both.  It is not a matter of focusing on one extreme over the other because in reality there is no extreme.  The only error would be eliminating one for the other.  If our relationship with God is a relationship where we cannot look him in the eye EVER or come to him as a child or friend EVER then we are missing the point.  Sometimes, God deserves complete and humble adoration–especially during ceremonies or adoration.  Other times, it is good to come to him as a scared child or good friend for counsel and love.

If our relationship only encompasses one aspect of this relationship, then we are improperly worshiping God.  We insult him by our lack of fear if we only see him as a good “buddy” but we also strip him of his love if we only see him as a “Zeus” type figure on Olympus.
We need to have a multi-dimensional relationship with God that respects his title as “Creator of the Universe” as well as understanding his loving and compassionate heart.  In this, we can focus in our meditations upon various aspects or relationships we have with God.  The first step is to focus on the Trinity.  We can worship the fullness of God and at the same time for different occasions focus on different Persons of the Blessed Trinity.  Furthermore, within the sacred mystery of the Logos, we can also worship the God-Man Jesus Christ–whether focus at one time is on His Human Heart or Divine Love.
Even so within the Divine Persons, we can find a little of both.  If we look at the First Person, we see the Creator but within that we also see Fathership.  In the story of the Prodigal Son, does not the Father run to the son who returns?  This was totally unknown to Jewish custom and beneath a Father to run to his repentant son!
In the case of the Logos, we see Jesus Christ as a suffering servant and best friend of humanity but he also refers to Himself as “I Am Who Am” and we also have images of Christ as a fierce judge or Pantocrator who will separate the wicked from the just.
These images show us that we must have a creator/creation relationship that gives God his just due adoration but we also must possess a parent/child or friend/friend relationship as well.  The only issue is when to utilize what relationship when or where.
In many cases, it it the Holy Spirit Who will inspire you to determine what relationship is appropriate at what given time.  Some are more obvious but some are determined by the gentle whisper of the Third Person Who will always gently guide us to Him and the Father and Son who is ultimately one God, undivided and perfect.

Allow us to praise God for the wonderful mystery of the Trinity and the many aspects and relationships it affords us!
If you are interested in Christian Counseling Courses, please review the program.  For those who want to become a Christian Counselor, these courses can help lead qualified professionals to certification.

Mark Moran, MA

Real Men Cry

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling For Grieving Men

The myth that is not manly to grieve is quickly becoming less and less as psychology studies grief patterns.  The myth that men do not grieve or that their grief is more acute but quickly gone is just not true.  The days and images of men as the “Duke” or  Spartan warriors are quickly fading and people are beginning to realize that the existence of grief does not weaken one’s toughness but is a universal experience critical to recovery among all people.  Grief Counseling is at the forefront of helping men grieve without shame and come to a healthy recovery.  With these new approaches towards men, there hopefully will be less unresolved issues of grief and less false images of what it is “to be a man”.

Perry Garfinkel (The New York Times) in his article, “Men In Grief Seek Others Who Mourn As They Do” explores how Sam Feldman dealt with the loss of his wife.  He soon discovered that men grieve like everyone else and deserve a listening ear.

“In 1990, Sam and Gretchen Feldman cashed out on their share of a national chain of men’s apparel stores and retired to Martha’s Vineyard, Mass. There, they devoted their time to volunteer work and an active social calendar.”

To read the entire article, please click here

So if your a man and you are grieving, feel free to shed a tear or remember.  Feel free to talk to others and allow your emotions to show and heal you.  There is nothing unmanlike about crying, especially over something that is truly important and beautiful.
If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please review the program and click here.

AIHCP

Miscarriages and Grief and How to Become a Certified Grief Counselor

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counseling and Miscarriages and How to become a certified grief counselor

One of the hardest things to grief counsel is a miscarriage.  Miscarriages strip a woman of part of herself.  She feels the intimacy of the lost more than anyone else in the family.  The hormones, the emotion and the lost can become overbearing.  Perhaps the most painful aspect of the loss is that it was unseen.  Without any formal burial or ceremony, it can become a disenfranchised loss.

Clara Hinton writes about this horrible experience many women go through.  In her article, “Miscarriage Is Such An Empty Feeling”, she examines some of the thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms a woman must face. 

“Miscarriage is a loss that is so difficult to explain to others. When child loss occurs through a miscarriage, it very seldom seems real to others because in an early miscarriage there is nothing that solidly validates a new life.” 

If you would like to read the rest of the article, please click here

If you are interested in grief counseling courses, please click here.
AIHCP

Pastoral Care Givers – Denial: Is it Dangerous?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Care Counselors and Dealing with Denial of Patients

Elizabeth Kubler Ross identifies denial as the first response to grief.  She considers it to be a natural reaction to sudden and horrible news.  In her seminar on the dying, she hoped to share with pastoral care counselors, health care professionals and ministers the necessity of denial in the progress through grief.
While not everyone follows the same pattern of grieving, pastoral care givers can be assured to witness many cases of denial.  The looming question, however, is when can denial become dangerous, if it ever even can be?
Kubler Ross experienced one case of a woman who was diagnosed with cancer.  She attended a faith healing service and proclaimed she was healed despite everything medical science proved otherwise.  Her behavior was consistent till the very end insisting she was healed.  Nevertheless, she continued her treaments, medications and visits to the hospital.  During that time, she would joke of the foolishness of these treatments only till her body finally broke down and she had to come to the heart breaking conclusion of her dire situation.
Kubler Ross never contradicted her denial explicitly.  Instead, she would never confront the woman on the issue of the supposed healing or say otherwise.  Her primary concern was that the woman continued to take the prescribed medications necessary.  Through simple requests to continue to take one’s medication, Kubler Ross implicitly resisted the denial.
This type of denial was far from dangerous but critical to the woman’s coping of her physical situation.  It allowed her to carry on day by day.  As long as the woman did not resist the medications or therapies, then the denial was not dangerous.
Cases where denial become dangerous are when the person refuses treatment or carries on doing activities that are harmful to their health.  Some people and their denial will even lead them to insane adventures and spending sprees.
The primary lesson for pastoral care givers to learn from Kubler Ross is to react to most denial in an implicit way that does not damage a person’s coping.  Merely ensure the denial does not damage them health wise.
If you are interested in Pastoral Care Certifications, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA

Nursing Case Management: A Focus on Advocacy

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Nursing Case Management

Nursing case management is becoming more important in overall health care delivery. A nurse case manager must wear many hats and juggle many tasks at once in order to be successful at his or her job. Perhaps one of the most important aspects of being a case manager, however, is acting as a patient advocate. This is such an ingrained part of being a case manager that many nurses act as an advocate without even realizing it by doing things like noticing a prescription medication error. There are many other aspects to the role of the nurse case manager as patient advocate, however. Below we’ll highlight some of them, with an emphasis on how nurses advocate for their patients to receive care and social support.

What is advocating?

There are many different definitions of patient advocating. They may depend on a nurse’s personal philosophy or the setting in which he or she works. In general, advocating means standing up for your patient and your patient’s rights. To advocate properly, a nurse case manager must set his or her personal preferences aside and realize that excellent health care is focused on the patient’s needs instead of the needs of her caregivers.
Advocating may involve speaking up in order to get the best care for your patient, but it also may simply involve being an understanding and accepting caregiver. For example, many patients have personal or religious qualms about giving or receiving blood. Being a patient advocate involves not judging these patients or condemning them for not making the medically “appropriate” choice. Advocacy involves supporting their choice while at the same time educating them about their options.

Advocacy isn’t always comfortable

There are times when advocating can put a nurse at odds with his or her employers. The number of nurses, however, who ignore these difficulties in order to provide their patients with optimum care is staggering. For example, at a hospital in Texas, two nurses came forward to identify a physician who they felt was negligent with patients. They believed this physician put some patients at risk and they told the administrator at their hospital. When the administrator failed to act, they went to the Texas Medical Board with their complaints. They were fired and then charged for misusing official information. Eventually the charges were dropped against one of the nurses and the other was quickly acquitted. Their defenses were paid for by donations raised by the Texas Nurses Association.
Although these two nurses went through an extremely difficult ordeal, they did it because of their drive to act as a patient advocate. This is perhaps the ideal example of working for your patient’s rights as these two ignored potential threats to their own careers in order to get the best care for their patients.

The benefits of advocacy

A nurse may benefit from advocacy as it makes him or her feel better about the job they are doing. Most who enter healthcare professions do so because they are concerned about their fellow human beings. Advocacy truly allows for the expression of that motivation.
The true benefits of the nurse case manager as patient advocate appear as benefits to the patient, however. Nurses are the main system of support for patients, and are responsible for easing their transition through the different levels of treatment in a hospital (such as emergency, surgery, etc.). They are also the ones who provide patients with emotional support and often do the same for the families of those patients. Without the support offered by nurses, many patients would have a frightening, confusing, and overwhelming medical experience.
Many healthcare facilities are beginning to recognize the importance of the patient advocacy. They have begun instituting ways to protect nurse’s from repercussions if they are simply advocating for their patients. There have even been some nurses who have taken their skill for advocating and turned it into a full-time career. Private and public groups, whose primary duty is advocacy, have sprouted up in recent years. These groups help patients navigate through the daunting decisions inherent in a healthcare process.
Advocacy is an often overlooked, but critically important part of nursing. Without it many patients would be lost to navigate a complex healthcare system on their own. Patient advocacy is one of the more selfless acts we see in healthcare, and it’s part of what makes the nursing profession special. To learn more about nursing case management, click here.

Pastoral Care and Dealing with the Angry Patient

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Pastoral Care Giving Is Love and Understanding

Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her writings spoke of the five stages of grief.  In particular, her studies dealt with the reactions of terminally ill patients and the phases they went through.  Pastoral Care Giving involves an intimate connection of communication between care giver and patient.  In many cases, the care provider supplies the horrible news that someone will soon die.  Within this there will be a multitude of reactions.  One such reaction is anger.
So how does a nurse or pastoral care giver deal with the angry patient.  Ultimately with love and understanding!  The care of a terminally ill patient is more than just caring for his or her physical needs but is a caring for the totality of the human person.  In this regard, emotional symptoms must be treated as if physical symptoms.
Kubler Ross asked the question, why is the patient angry?  The only way to know is through communication and care.  Avoidance and frustration with a patient’s anger will not endear him or her to you nor will it make matters better.
Many patients may be upset over a variety of reasons.  Is their death premature or expected?  Is the death blamed on God or another doctor or treatment?  Is the anger a source of regret of how a person lived his or her life?  Is the anger due to the fact you never notice any family members coming to say “goodbye”.  Is the anger over a loss of control?  Is the anger over how the patient was treated the previous night by a different nurse?  Is the anger over the fact the person cannot die at home?
The realm of possibilities is endless and this is again why Kubler Ross insisted one cannot ignore the patient who is angry.  Instead, one must discover why the person is angry.
In one case study, Kubler Ross noted that an elderly man simply wished to have his side gate of his bed down so as to move his legs.  He feared the casket like formation he had to endure and it reminded him of death.  His nurse instead refused for fear of him falling.  She was more interested in reading her book by the bedside chair.  Maybe it was due to her own fear of facing death that she distanced himself from this poor man.  Regardless, the man would be frequently angry.
Another case study was of a man who always controlled his life, whether in his successful business or his command of his family.  His anger was a result of the loss of control to the nurses and other health related decisions.  Simply by identifying this and giving him options, he became less angry.  In fact, he always had a say or input in the course of action directed, but under the guise he had a “control” in the matter.
So as one can see, pastoral care is more than just taking one’s blood pressure or taking checking various readings, but it is also understanding the emotional dynamics that take place within the human mind.  Anger is merely a manifestation of something that is deeply wrong;  it shoud not affect health care professionals to the extent they ignore the angry patient, but instead push them to finding out why and alleviating it.
If you are interested in Pastoral Thanatology Certifications, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA