Divorce can be crippling to many. The heartbreak can devastate a person. The secondary losses of comfort and security are also immense as a person is displaced and thrown into a world of chaos. Divorce is one of the more stressful and sad events anyone can go through and it is important to know who to talk to and how to better cope during this chaotic time
The grief of divorce has many layers. Please also review AIHCPs’ Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your goals
The article, “Understanding Gray Divorce and the Grieving Process” by Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg look deeper at the pain and stress of divorce. Their article states,
“Specific to divorcing couples is the work of University of Virginia psychologist Robert Emery, who differentiates grieving an irrevocable loss like death from grieving a revocable loss like divorce, in which the possibility of reconciliation remains for the former spouses and their children. Based on his case observations and research, he developed a theory of grief in divorce that describes a cycle of grief for the divorcing couple. ”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification as a grief counselor.
Losing a spouse can be very painful. The sense of the loss can vary depending on duration of relationship, state of the relationship and the bond itself. For many, losing a spouse can create a deep void of pain and create multiple secondary losses as well
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
Miscarriages are unseen tragedy to many eyes. For many, it is swept under the rug never to be spoken again or told to others. For others, it may be dismissed or devalued in regards to the hierarchy of losses. Still others may suffer alone, or others may be neglected. The harsh reality though is that it is a real and scaring loss that must be acknowledged and understood.
Unfortunately, many never find the help they need to deal with this type of loss. Others are dismissed. Disenfranchisement occurs because the child was not born and never seen. Others may lessen the value of the unborn child to an infant. Downplaying is very detrimental to healing in this regard. Furthermore, others may shift the grief away and utilize various cliches. For instance, one may say to the grieving, “well you can try again”, or “better luck next time”. This type of statement devalues the loss of the child that died and the present pain of the parents.
Sometimes, as well, only the mother will receive the support. Fathers, siblings, and grandparents may be neglected in their grief of the loss. It is hence essential to acknowledge the loss and discuss with all connected to the pregnancy. Secrecy, quiet and downplaying are not the answers.
Losing a child can have numerous consequences. Following a miscarriage, the woman will undergo physical and hormonal changes, as well as psychological effects. Loss of concentration, appetite and trouble sleeping can occur. A feeling of depression and loss can follow with various emotions of sadness, anger and even guilt. Some women feel an unearned guilt that they did not do enough to prevent the miscarriage. Others may feel angry at the unfair nature of not being able to carry a pregnancy and have a child.
A miscarriage is a difficult loss in life. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Some families may suffer at different levels. A family trying to conceive and with no children may grieve differently than a family with many children. Other miscarriages may be far more painful due to the progression and time of the miscarriage. Some miscarriages can occur without the woman knowing she was even pregnant, while other miscarriages can occur well farther into the pregnancy and also require medical attention. Other times, the loss and pain may be correlated with spiritual beliefs regarding life itself.
Again, for a young teen girl, a miscarriage despite the trauma may be a relief. Although all life is beautiful, the thought of a young motherhood and the responsibilities with it incurred great fear and the miscarriage indirectly freed the young person from such things.
So, as one can see, how the loss is perceived, the surrounding details and the beliefs of the person can all play huge roles in grief factor of a miscarriage as well. In general though, those parents who are expecting, do not fall into this periphery categories and will suffer to some extent, some type of feeling of loss. For many, the potential of what could have been can haunt the parents. Mothers Day or Fathers Day can be vivid reminders of what could have occurred for those hoping to become parents.
It is important not to internalize and keep the loss a secret. Couples should discuss, and single women should find individuals they can confidently speak to. Some may require support groups or grief counseling to help process the loss itself.
For some parents, although no funeral is possible, a memory service can sometimes be performed, as well as possibly naming the child. Those from more religious backgrounds, may feel security knowing their child is in Heaven and looking down upon them. Others may merely process the loss, learn to understand the meaning of it and move forward looking to become pregnant again.
It is also important for the woman to care for herself after a miscarriage. Beyond the mental and psychological loss, a woman may need time to rest and allow her body to re-adjust to post pregnancy status.
Ultimately, it is important to realize that miscarriages are a common loss for individuals and couples for the most part receive improper care and counseling. Miscarriages are sometimes hidden and become a unresolved and disenfranchised grief. It is important to help others through the pain and loss of miscarriage. It is important to recognize the loss and give value to the loss. It is important to find meaning in the miscarriage and to understand one’s life plan and how the miscarriage falls into that plan.
If you would like to learn more about grief itself and the nature of loss, then please review The American Academy of Grief Counseling’s, Grief Counseling Certification Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
There are many misconceptions about grief. Grief myths distort how people grieve and what to expect when individuals grieve
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional needs. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals.
The loss of a parent after the loss of a child is considered the most painful loss for individuals. Losing a parent not only hurts but also can leave an individual feeling left alone or by oneself. The younger one is the more difficult it is to adjust to the loss itself. It is important for those who still have their parents to enjoy them everyday
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification
Ecological Grief is a type of social grief. It can be more personal but is can also be shared. The term was first introduced by Aldo Leopold in the 1940s to describe the emotional pain tied to environmental losses. Glen Albrecht would later refer to it as a mental distress caused by environmental change. When individuals lose or perceive an anticipatory loss of something, either in a unique personal way or even a more distant way, a grief and distress can result.
Grief over loss of the environment is referred to as Ecological Grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The environment affects everyone. Whether the indigenous person directly affected, or the person who lives thousands miles away. A climate that changes for the worst will eventually affect everyone. The ripples of the effect do not forever remain isolated but affect the planet as a whole. This fear and anticipation the type of grief most experience, while unfortunately others are already feeling the direct effects of this type of loss through drought, flooding and extreme weather causing massive displacement.
Social scientists, Ashlee Cunsolo and Neville Ellis both wrote regarding the direct experience of climate change. Cunsolo dealt with the loss of identity of the northern tribes who live on the ice and find identity with the ice. With the polar icecaps melting at an alarming rate, their identity and way of life is being stolen from them. Meanwhile in Australia, Ellis pointed out how farmers for generations are no longer able to grow crops to extreme drought. They too are losing their identity. Indigenous people are losing their identity but also far worst things, including their homes, way of life but also their lives. Flooding and extreme weather are causing massive displacements. These types of grief of total loss create untold sorrow and trauma.
Those more distant from the fire itself are also starting to see small signs of altered weather, but also are in a state of anticipatory grief and fear. Like those who feared nuclear destruction, the new fear is global warming and its pending doom. Individuals fear for the future, their children’s future and what earth will be like by the end of the century.
In addition, many individuals are seeing the loss of climates and habitats. This universal loss to humanity is a great loss. Many grieve the bleaching of the Great Barrier Reef. Scientists witness first hand the loss of beautiful eco systems and divers see the horrible damage to the reefs due to global warming. The loss of beauty itself is a form of loss. As more beautiful habitats die and more animals go extinct, a piece of beauty dies not only for the current generation but also for future generations.
In dealing with ecological grief, individuals must know they are not alone. They must share their frustrations, discuss it and find like minded individuals. Lament the pain together and not only lament but focus on change. First, focus on what one can control. Work towards better ecological friendly life styles when applicable. Recycle, save energy, and try to reduce your carbon footprint. One can also take action at higher levels by becoming more active in political movements to save the planet. Finally, find the natural spaces that do exist, or create some of your own via gardening and partake in the beauty of nature.
Future generations will lose the beauty of animals and habitats due to global warming. Grief can push one to action
Unfortunately, there are many powers who value the dollar over the environment. These individuals push a false narrative against global warming. In addition, there are many individuals who are in denial of the pending problem. They choose to deny the problem and pretend it does not exist. Unfortunately, many powerful people in government as well as news outlet suffer from denial in their grieving process.
One cannot become caught up in denial and lies, but accept the reality that our planet is in need of serious help. Our grief for the situation can be a powerful catalyst to action. Like all social grief, it can lead to social action and change. By taking control of our grief and by playing our small part, we can grieve together but also change together.
If you would like to learn more about AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification then please review and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professional seeking a four year certification in grief counseling.
Sources
“Eco Grief: How to cope with the emotional impacts of climate change” by Aviva Fialkow
Talking about one’s grief is an important process in healing. Individuals need to share grief and experiences with others to help heal. When individuals discuss grief they can hear themselves talk and receive feedback in regards to their emotions.
It can sometimes be difficult to talk about grief. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “How to Talk About Your Grief” by Rachel Maier discusses how to better talk about one’s grief. She states,
“When you lose a child, it’s hard to express the oceanic depths of your heartache. I know this because I lost my child, too. Over time, I’ve gained perspective and learned how to talk about it. Talking about my loss was like lighting a lantern in a dark cave. It helped me escape the void of despair and begin to heal. Now, I’d like to help you do the same. Here are some tips to try, based on things I’ve learned while navigating how to talk about my loss.”
Please also a review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
In grief we deal with many emotions and its difficult to sometimes discuss it or experience it. We work through grief at our own pace and own way. It is because of this, it is important to avoid being bullied in grief and to have our own set of boundaries. We have discussed Grief Bullies in the past.
Grief bullies are individuals who attempt to impose their style of grieving on an individual. They also can try to diminish the grief of a person as not important or relevant. These individuals are an issue in themselves, but being able to stand up for oneself and set boundaries are critical. Grief boundaries are important in grieving and especially during the Holiday season. These are the times, when individuals, either grief bullies or good intentioned individuals may push the issue.
Emotional boundaries are important to begin with. In every part of life, it is critical to set boundaries. Whether at work, school or with friends, it is important not to allow individuals to push one around. While it is OK to help others, to be flexible and understanding, it is equally important to have boundaries that prevent individuals from imposing their will or impeding upon one’s limits. Hence it is important to have boundaries and also important to enforce those boundaries.
Help for grief is good but you can have boundaries in how you express with other people. Ultimately it is up to you. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
Boundaries can be enforced without hostility. They can be laid out calmly but firmly to individuals who test those grounds. Usually, individuals who unknowingly push a boundary only need told once, while others may need reminded more than that but it is important to hold firm to boundaries. Grief is no exception.
What’s Your Grief discussed a variety of ideas on Grief Boundaries in one of their most recent blogs. Some important information to take from it are as follows.,
In establishing a boundary, be clear, firm, and communicate it. Do not apologize for it, but be prepared to face questions that you owe no answer for. In addition, let the individual know of consequences when boundaries are crossed and be prepared to enforce it. In addition, be prepared to feel the natural discomfort that sometimes comes with standing up for oneself. Individuals worth keeping in your life, will understand.
In regards to grief, while it is sometimes good to take help, it is OK, if you are not ready for that help and it is OK to decline that help. Let others know, some days you may not feel that great and if you need time alone to respect that. Grief can make one feel unable to participate in going to an event or hanging with a friend. In these cases, it is OK to back out especially when you are first dealing with the sting of loss. Do not allow grief bullies to keep you in or keep you out.
Also feel free to dismiss questions that may seem to soon or intruding. You are not obligated to answer questions regarding your personal life. For instance, if dating seems too son, feel free to dismiss the question. In addition to this, one’s boundary should be able to decline advice and just ask one to simply listen. Sometimes, advice is not ready to be heard or not the advice we need. It is OK, to tell the well intentioned person, that you do not want advice but just an open ear. If individuals discuss with you their issues, it is also OK to let them know you are not in a place to help them because you are still dealing with your own grief.
It is OK also to decline to tell someone how a loved one passed. Sometimes people ask this secondary question. It is only up to you if you wish to share how a person died. You can tell them, it is to painful to recall, or you do not wish to relive it, or that the question is too triggering. You may say that you will talk about it another day, or you may say it is a private matter. Ultimately you should not disclose what makes you uncomfortable. You must set the boundary and live by it.
Boundaries in grief are important. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
During the Holidays, many of these things may occur. Family and friends will want to see you, or expect certain traditions or visits to be upheld. It is especially important to let family and friends know if you want to be alone or if you do not wish to celebrate that particular tradition. Maybe you are not ready and that is OK. Again it is important not to succumb to grief bullying.
Ultimately, you may make individuals uncomfortable when setting boundaries and that is OK. You need to let them know about your feelings and remind them you are moving at your own pace and speed in your grief.
If you would like to learn how to help others deal with grief, please review the American Academy of Grief Counseling’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.
Related Source and Content
What’s Your Grief “Setting Your Grief Boundaries”–please click here to review
Divorce is a major disruption in life and a life altering change. It brings about not only romantic loss but multiple secondary losses. Adjusting to these losses and finding a new routine and life narrative can be very difficult for many people.
Going through a divorce is a difficult transition. Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification
The article, “Working Through Grief After Divorce” by Melissa Porrey looks at how difficult the transition can be for many facing the grief of divorce. She states,
“When going through a divorce or ending a significant intimate relationship, grieving allows us to work through the thoughts and feelings that are brought on by the many different losses that come with it. Whether it’s working through the physical loss of another person being absent from the home, a loss of security, loss of friendship or companionship, or even financial loss, each needs to be acknowledged and grieved.”
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling
Sometimes loss is so terrible and horrible that it causes trauma at the deepest levels to the person. Grief that is unexpected or due to intense human cruelty or natural disaster and war can leave indelible marks on the soul. This type of loss takes extra time to heal and sometimes requires longer therapy to find healing.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counselig.
