From a spiritual and religious perspective, ritual has a soothing effect on the dying as well as the bereaved family. It symbolizes comfort and peace in the uncertainty. Spiritually, Last Rites as a series of sacraments manifest within the soul a particular grace received that helps the person prepare for happy death. Confession, Communion and Anointing constitute this series of religious rituals.
Christ Himself gave comfort to the dying and in the story of Lazarus not only comforted the family but brought him back to life. As one of His greatest miracles, Christ showed mercy and compassion. Last Rites can have physical miraculous effects but this is rare and far between but exists more so for the spiritual wellbeing of the soul. The mental and emotional side effects are also important for both the person dying as well the family surrounding the person.
Please also review AIHCP’s Christian Counseling Certification as well as its Christian Grief Counseling Program for already existing grief counselors. Both programs are online and independent study and open to qualified professionals.
Death is as common and as natural as birth but death discussion is always avoided till its usually too late. With death being a reality, the more we discuss it, the more we can understand it but also the connections we have with others and their thoughts and desires. Talking about death does not illustrate a morbid fascination but recognizes a reality that time is precious and we must enjoy the time we have with our loved ones. No next day is ever promised. Unfortunately, many fear this topic or wish to deny it.
Discussion about death while alive is healthy and needed. Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Certification
The article, “If death happens to us all, we should probably talk more openly about grief” by Dinah Lewis Boucher discusses the impact of losing someone and the long mental process to learn to live without that person. Boucher states,
“Three years after my husband died, his toothbrush remained in our family’s toothbrush holder. It didn’t make any sense, of course. He didn’t need it. But there it stood, three toothbrushes altogether. Our daughter’s, mine and his. It was a visual representation of how I wished for it to be. But our family was down to two. People say time is a great healer, and the pain of grief changes — over time. But if we aren’t active in the process of grieving, some say it may not change so much. “
“If death happens to us all, we should probably talk more openly about grief”. Boucher, D. (2022). ABC News
Whether we discuss death or not, it will come to our loved ones and eventually ourselves. The process will always be difficult since the lost of a loved one is so intense due to attachments and love. The brain does not respond well to such change. The neural networks need to realign to the new situation and past memories can haunt. The adjustment period is only adjustment. It is not a recovery but a realignment to new realities. Those who do their grief work and avoid complications within the process still remain sad but are able to move forward in a healthy way and find joy in the world despite the loss and the pain associated with it.
Thanatophobia is an intense fear of death and the dying process. It can prevent one from discussing the issue of death itself
Hence, discussing death while others are alive is important to understanding the needs of our loved ones and their wishes. It allows one to express emotions now instead of when it is too late. It is recognizing that everyday is not guaranteed and that time goes by fast. It helps one also understand the inner thinking and wishes of the loved one and what the loved one would want for us if he/she passed away. Concretely sharing these moments instead of speculating what ifs after death can alleviate future suffering.
The phobia of death can paralyze an individual into a state of inaction during life. It can prevent a person from expressing love the day of instead of when its too late. It can make one unprepared and not ready for the loss of a loved one. It is hence important to embrace the reality of life which includes death and express fears or anxieties associated with it to others. One will discover it is not a morbid discussion but a a discussion that is very real and an opening to emotional connections that will not be there one day.
Moving Forward
After acknowledging death with loved ones, one will understand spiritual and emotional sides of the loved one that one may not have known before. There may also exist a greater peace if something occurs knowing each other’s feelings and not being left to wonder what one would think or do after they passed away. When death is discussed, one discovers not only religious beliefs, but also how one would deal with particular situations when one is gone. One is hence better able to handle situations or execute legal decisions with more certainty and confidence instead of guesswork.
Trying to introduce this much needed conversation can at first be difficult and maybe even awkward. One does not merely begin the conversation with death itself but it is gradually implemented from such topics of legacy, the future, desires, or religious thoughts. The death of a celebrity can be an excellent introduction to the topic as well.
We only have so much time alive to discuss death with others. It is far better to discuss and understand feelings about this event while alive
While death is naturally feared because of its unknown aspects, death discussion takes away the taboo element of it and helps individuals discuss and better understand implications of it. It allows one to also be better prepared for one’s own death from all financial and spiritual concerns. Many individuals today pre pay for funeral expenses, urns and cemetery plots. This is not pessimistic or morbid planning but real and true planning for eventual reality. Live everyday and stay healthy, but do not allow one’s fear of speaking about death to become a pathology.
Some suffer from a mental pathology of Thanatophobia or the fear of death. This is more than a natural fear of the unknown but a topic that physiologically upsets the person to such an extent that the topic causes extreme anxiety and physical reactions such as higher heart beat or blood pressure. While some may have been exposed to something traumatic others can merely develop this fear. If the fears and reactions persist for longer than six months, then professional help may be needed. Therapists usually utilize cognitive behavioral therapy to help understand the phobia as well as exposure therapy where individuals are gradually under the guidance of a counselor are exposed to concepts of death.
Conclusion
Death discussion can seem taboo or morbid but it is a healthy discussion that recognizes reality and life itself. Pastoral Thanatology is the field of care where individuals in ministry help others prepare for death, as well as, help others deal with the death of a loved one. Chaplains, ministers and others in Human Service fields need a strong training in Pastoral Thanatology to better help individuals deal with death issues.
Please also review AICHPs Grief Counseling Certification as well as its Pastoral Thanatology Certification and see if it meets your academic and professional goals
AIHCP offers a four year certification in Pastoral Thanatology. Qualified professionals can earn the Pastoral Thanatology Certification and apply the knowledge and training to their own ministries and help others face and cope with the reality of death. The program is online and independent study. After completion of the core courses, one can apply for a four year certification.
Additional Resources
“Thanatophobia (Fear of Death). Cleveland Clinic. (2022). Access here
“Thanatophobia (Fear of Death) Explained”. Fritscher, L. (2023). VeryWellMind. Access here
“We Need to Talk About Death”. Beaumont, A. (2017). Psychology Today. Access here
“Talking About Death With Family: 7 Tips to Start a Dialogue”. Vasquez, A. (2022). Cake. Access here
Death and dying is part of life and living. Living well means also dying well. How one philosophically, mentally, emotionally and physically approaches the topic of death is critical to one’s final days. Dying can be very unique for different people. It can occur quickly or slowly but for all it will come and how we approach it and understand it is not only important for oneself but also our loved ones.
Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thantology Program and see if it meets your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to individuals and qualified professionals interested in Pastoral Thanatology.
Death is not the end to spiritual people. Death is a continuation. Many view death as primarily an end point and something to be avoided at all costs, but death is as part of life as birth and plays a pivotal role in our development.
Spirituality is key in death. Many may view life in a more materialistic way, but even so, spirituality without a higher end can be beneficial to the dying. Spirituality and a commitment to something higher or bigger than themselves. The traditional ideal of spirituality sees this in regards to religion, faith and a God, while others may see it as a way of life, or giving to the greater cause of humanity. Spirituality allows one to approach death with more dignity and understanding.
Spirituality is key in embracing death and understanding the nature of its role in life. Please also review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Certification
In David Kessler’s book, “The Needs of the Dying”. he addresses five important stages and elements of spirituality. In some cases, death or the news of death bring about this stages and to them the benefits of death open one’s soul. Spirituality is for the mind and soul, not the body itself. Death can bring about a healing of the soul for the future existence.
Kessler points out that the first step is expression. Expression is needed in regards to one’s physical ailment. One needs to let the anger or grief out. Many are angry at God for suffering and misfortune or why they have a particular disease. It is important to express the feelings of death to be able to face them and understand them. No particular feeling is wrong or right but are catalysts to understanding.
Following expression is a spirituality of responsibility. One begins to take account of one’s life and begin to understand that not everything in life was everyone else’s fault. Taking responsibility allows one to humble oneself and identify issues of life that were once so black and white and maybe see that the issues and common factors were oneself. It can present an important spiritual transformation that without death could never occur.
Naturally following responsibility stems forgiveness. One does not wish to die bitter and angry but instead looks to forgive. Death can bring broken and shattered families together in forgiveness. One is able to set everything straight and see things far more clearly than before. Petty arguments and proud stances become trivial when one is about to lose his or her life.
Acceptance of the death is also an important step in dying. One may not desire to die but it is important to accept death when no other route is left. One needs to learn from oncoming death what life truly is. This is only possible when one faces death and accepts it as part of his or her continuing journey.
Spirituality in death helps one accept responsibility of life, forgive, accept and be thankful for life.
In this, spiritually, one should find some sort of gratitude. Life is not defined by what was accomplished or how long one lived, but a life is defined by birth and death. No life is incomplete. Each life has a certain amount of time. Gratitude for life and what has been given is key in spirituality when dying. It cherishes what has been given instead of lamenting what was taken.
Spirituality is important in dying. It helps one to understand the comprehensive nature of death. Death is no longer an end point but part of a process and something that is as important to life as birth itself. If you would like to learn more about Pastoral Thanatology and the science of dying, then please review AIHCP’s Pastoral Thanatology Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals.
