Grief Counseling Blog

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Grief Counseling and Happiness

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

The Emotion of Sadness and Grief Counseling

While the emotion of sadness can dominate grief, one finds very little talk of happiness in grief.  Such a contradiction defeats the purpose of loss.  Grief Counseling must also find that spurts of happiness are natural in grief.
Within Christian theology, out of grief can come victory.  Through Christ’s death came resurrection and liberation.  Also through one’s daily crosses comes heavenly reward.  From this perspective there exists a happiness amidst the grief.  While the happiness is not intimately tied with the emotion, it can co-exist and become ultimately a by-product.
From a psychological standpoint, happiness and normalcy is an important element during the grieving process.  Traditional paradigms of grief recovery list step by step processes that must follow a linear progression.  The reality is that while traditional models do tell us a lot about grief, they still cannot be used as universal paradigms.  People can skip various steps.  Also to note, many new ideas have completely dismissed step process and instead emphasize phases of grief as waves or oscillating peaks and valleys.  The peaks represent states of happiness or normalcy.  The subconscious mind while it needs grieving to heal cannot constantly grieve or one would mentally breakdown.  With this in mind, one must acknowledge that there are states during the grief recovery where the person does manifest moments of happiness and laughter.  This allows the person to continue life but still remember.  Certain days when work or school are not at the forefront, one can take time to reflect and grieve. This idea of happiness or moments of happiness during the grief cycle also point to issues that possibly dismiss preconceived notions of hidden or regressed grief that were not legitimate pathologies.
The reality is people are more resilient that many think.  While complicated grief does occur, majority of people overcome their grief in a healthy fashion.  Normal reactions during the grief cycle do indeed include an isolated “oasis” of humor, joy, happiness and normalcy within the dark and sad “desert” of grief recovery.
By Mark Moran, MA

Why Grief Counselors Must Understand the Function of Sadness

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Grief Counselors Must Understand the Function of Sadness

Emotions are extremely important to one’s biological survival.  The interwoven nature of the soul and body interact with each other and effect each other.  The emotions of the soul are
manifested in the body via various expressions or chemical reactions.  These emotions also serve various functions. Grief Counselors should take into account these functions.

One example of an emotion is anger.  Anger helps the person react properly to a threat and prepares the body for confrontation.  It also gives the body the expressions and mannerisms needed to ward off others in hopes of a peaceful resolution.
The same holds true for sadness.  Sadness as an emotion has a biological function that helps the body relate to lost and recover from it.  It forces the mind to reflect and dwell on the lost and to adjust the new life of not having that person.  Through dwelling and mourning, one comes to the reality that a loved one is lost but also comes to the reality of how one is going to deal with that loss.  In addition to this, while sadness exposes one to exterior threats due to mourning, it does also awaken others to the fact that something is not right.  This social functioning of sadness expresses need for help and allows other within the community to offer that help.
I would contend that all emotions serve a natural and biological functioning for healing of the body and socially interaction during emotional states.  In this way, the soul is able to communicate via the body.
In conclusion, anger and sadness are all important emotions.  They are not merely reactions to loss but also biological functions that stem from the mind and prepare the body for adaptation into a new state.  Again, grief counselors need to understand this.
By Mark Moran, MA

Grief: The Experience

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Everyone experiences grief differently, but there are several stages of the grieving process that are fairly universal.  

  1. Shock and Denial.
    This phase often manifests itself in a sort of numbness, a feeling of disbelief and a sense of helplessness.
  2. Pain and Guilt.
    As the shock abates, it is often replaced with feelings of longing for the one we have lost.  It is standard at this stage to experience guilt and remorse about things we may have done or not done, said or not said, to that person. Overwhelming emotional pain is difficult to deal with, and should not be stifled.
  3. Anger.
    A common question those in grief ask is ‘Why?’ Why Him/Her? Why us? Why me? Finding the answer to this question causes frustration and anger. It is common at this stage to try to find something or someone to blame, or take your frustration out on.
  4. Melancholy.
    You may experience a period of introversion. This stage of the process may leave you feeling low, and you may find you spend a lot of time reflecting on the experiences you had with your loved one. Those close to you will often try to encourage you not to wallow in your grief. However, this is an important part of the process. It allows you to work through your feelings about the one you have lost, as well as reflect on your time together. At this point that you can start to look toward the future, and might even see some hope on the horizon. The worst is over. Often, people in this stage of the process start to think about how they might best commemorate and celebrate the life of the person they have lost.  Deciding on an online memorial can be a great way to honour your loved ones. It allows you to have a permanent reminder of them which everyone can have access to, be involved in creating and even add to.
  5. Hope for the Future.
    The sense of hopelessness and despair you felt will start to lessen. You can now begin adjusting to life without the person you have lost.
  6. Readjustment and Acceptance.
    You will eventually begin to feel that you can settle in to new routines, and maybe even start making plans for your future. Life will seem less overwhelming. If you are experiencing prolonged grief, you may want to seek out the consult of a grief counselor. They can be very helpful in assisting you through the grief process or referring you for more intense treatment if need be.

American Academy of Grief Counseling and Program in Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Prolonged Grief Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder are different but closely related. Please also review AIHCP's Grief Counseling CertificationProgram in Grief Counseling

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Posted on by Dominick Flarey

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