Child and Adolescent Grief Counseling

How Certified Grief Counselors Can Help Grieving Military Children

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

The article, “How to Help Grieving Military Children”, by Bonnie Carroll states

“Assuring children that grief is a normal expression of loss is important. While military children are very resilient, it is important for parents and caregivers to pay attention to how children are responding.”

American Institute Health Care Professionals’ insight:

A big challenge that certified grief counselors face today is the grief of military children.  They have a unique grief, whether its over loss, or the constant fear of losing a loved one.

This article looks into what certified grief counselors can do to help the grieving children of military families by asserting that they have a unique set of stressors that other military families do not have.  The life of the military and other stresses of long absence play a big role

If a death happens, the death is often public and that can affect a child.  Also opinions on how soldiers die in public forums can negatively effect the child.  These ideas and much more is in this informative article that grief counselors should not miss

If you are interested in learning more about grief counseling or wish to become a grief counselor, then please review our blog and program.  Our program has four core courses in grief counseling.  After completion of the core courses, one then can become a certified grief counselor.

Certified grief counselors than have three years of certification until the date of renewal.

#iwanttobecomeagriefcounselor

See on www.huffingtonpost.com

How to help children cope with tornadoes – child grief counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey
child grief counseling
child grief counseling

The article, “How to help children cope with tornadoes, disaster”, by  Kfor-TV and Ashton Edwards states

“The Oklahoma City National Memorial and Museum has years of experience helping children cope with tragedy and disaster after the bombing April 19, 1995.”

American Institute Health Care Professionals‘s insight:

An article with links describing how parents can help children understand tornadoes and how to deal with the loss they cause. Good set of links to investigate.  Child grief counseling is an important step is recovery for a child.   You can replace homes easier than you can mend emotions.   Learning about child grief will help you help them understand what happened and why.

If you are interested our grief counseling program then please review the site

See on kfor.com

Teens Grieve Differently

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Child Grief:  Teens Grieve Differently

Teens grieve differently.  Child grief counselors need to understand the many issues going on inside the mind of a teenager.
Grace Monet demonstrates the inner workings of the teen’s mind and how they respond to grief in the video below.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u0eS9yfogQ

If you would like to learn more about adolescent and child grief, then click here

AIHCP

Children and Coping in Grief Support

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Newtown Kids and Coping in Grief Support

Grief support is sometimes easier on children.  Children and Coping in Grief support is different from adults.  The biggest concern during this grieving period is that adults understand that children cope differently and to allow them to express themselves.

Foxnews.com writes in the article “Experts: Kids Are Resilient In Coping With Trauma” relates how children cope with trauma.
To read the article, please click here

We need to take our time and give special considerations when dealing with child grief.   Many concepts that seem trivial or not important could mean a lot to them.
If you are interested in learning more about child and adolescent grief, then please click here and please remember to remember the children of Newtown in your prayers.
AIHCP

Child Grief Support – Should My Child Attend the Funeral?

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Yes! Your Child Should Attend the Funeral

One of the most disenfranchised griefs is that of a child.  Adults do not treat children’s’ grief as a serious and legitimate concern and in many cases discount their needs.  One such discounting is preventing the child from saying a final “goodbye”.  Well intentioned adults frequently leave children at home during a funeral.  This is even the case when the person who died was a primary caregiver to the child.  It is important for a child to attend the funeral of a loved one for the child grief support, but a few things need to be considered.
First, the child needs to be told what a funeral is about and what he or she will see.  A child should not be taken off guard or surprised to see the body in the coffin.  Instead a child should be prepared and helped to understand what a funeral is and what the rituals are for.  In-depth answers are not always sufficient but the answers should be in concrete and clear language as to avoid confusion within the mind of the child.  A child should be told that at the funeral, he or she has a chance to say “goodbye” and that crying and mourning there is alright.  One can also explain the religious significance of the rituals during this time.
Second, if possible, try to include the child in the funeral rituals.  If the child would like to read a poem or say a short “goodbye”, it should be made possible.  If the child is shy, maybe simply lighting a candle for the deceased can supply an outlet for his or her grief.
Finally, when the child attends the funeral be prepared for a variety of emotions.  Whatever emotion, an adult should accept the child’s way of mourning.  One thing to remember is that children mourn in doses.  With this in mind, do not be surprised to see the child behave quite normal and play with various cousins.  If the child’s behavior becomes disturbing or inappropriate, one should tell the child that there are certain ways one must behave.  This does not prevent mourning but deals with proper behavior.  The child should be told that other people are sad and such behavior is disrupting to others.
If your child is better behaved, be sure to include taking him or her to funerals of other distant relatives.  This can teach the child what a funeral is about and how to behave and act.  It can also teach the child about death and better prepare the child for the death of a close loved one.
Ultimately, not taking a child to a loved one’s funeral is the worst thing an adult can do.  Do not make this mistake because it can greatly  harm the grieving process of the child.
(Information for this article was found in “Companioning the Grieving Child” by Alan Wolfelt, PhD)
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Helping Infants and Toddlers Heal From Grief – Child Grief Education

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Child Grief Education: How Do I Help a Grieving Baby?

Even though a baby may not be as mentally developed as a child or adult, a baby can still grieve.  In past articles, we discussed attachment disorders that can result from poor parenting and bond forming.  Since a baby can form bonds and love, a baby can also grieve.  It saddens many to think of a grieving baby, but when a baby loses his mother or father or any primary caregiver, the baby will grieve.

In regards to infants, grief counselors should encourage primary caregivers to assure the child that basic care and needs will be met.  This requires constant attention and alot of love.  In addition to keeping to schedule and offering the basic care, simply holding the infant, loving the infant and keeping the infant close will help the baby grieve in a healthy fashion.  It will help the infant overcome the loneliness and confusion of losing a parent.
Toddlers are a little more difficult to care for than infants because the bond with the loss parent was longer and stronger.  Still the first priority is the same as with infants.  Toddlers will need constant love and attention and the same provision of care they received before the death of the parent.  Three extra things with a grieving toddler, however, should be considered.  First, the toddler may regress.  Regression in regards to toilet training, lack of sleeping and less independence are all ways a toddler lets adults know they are sad.  They demand attention to help with the grief that consumes their little heart.  Secondly, toddlers need to be spoken to in concrete language.  If they ask where “is mommy” or “Uncle Jack”, one should respond in concrete description.  Toddlers do not understand euphemisms and need to be told if someone died in clear language.  Telling a toddler that daddy went “bye bye” will confuse him.  He needs to be told that daddy’s body stopped working and he will not be coming back.  Of course, compassion and a lot of hugs may be needed but this is best for toddler grief support.  Finally, try to keep the toddler as close to his regular schedule as possible.  Change can be very destructive to the toddler.  The toddler needs to know life will go on and that his needs will still be met.
If you are interested in child grief education, please review the program.
(Information for this article was found in”Companioning the Grieving Child” by Alan Wolfelt, PhD)
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Adolescent Grief Counseling: Helping Teens Through Death and Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Teenagers Need Special Consideration During Grief

Teenagers are hard to understand due to a multitude of life changes.  First and foremost, their bodies are changing. Hormones are flowing through their blood, altering and changing them into young adults.  While these changes may occur physically, in many cases, there still exists a child that is confused.  Secondly, teenagers are dealing with an array of pressures at school and among peers.  As the teenager attempts to discover his or her self identity, he or she is confronted with new ideals that may contradict ideals at home.  The lack of self confidence, changing physical features and the inner child may need to seek conformity with the latest social fads.  If this recipe for confusion is not enough, then merely add grief, stir and let it rise.
Adolescents need particular care during the mourning of a loved one.  First, one needs to help them acknowledge the death.  In acknowledging the death, do not be surprised to discover that what may not seem important to you is very critical to the adolescent.  The death of a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a school mate may be more influencing than a parent may think.  Also, do not be surprised to find a myriad of emotional responses if one prods long enough.  For example, if one’s loved one is killed violently, do not be surprised for a teen to have severe rage fantasies of enacting vengeance upon the culprit.  It is important during these times to allow the teen to express but differentiate between healthy expression and taking action.  Finally, when acknowledging the death, do not be surprised to discover that the teen is still not immune from magical thinking.  A teen could very easily feel severe guilt over a fight with a  parent who later died that day.  The key to remember is that teens, while appearing more adult like, are emotionally still childlike.
Second, one needs to help the teen move towards the pain of the particular loss.  Just because teens appear resistant to mourning does not mean they are not in intense pain over a loss.  Adolescents need to know that it is fine to express one’s feelings over loss.
Third, help teens remember the person who died.  Teens will sometimes use journals or create memorials for the loss of loved ones.  This is  common when a schoolmate dies due to a car crash or other misfortune death.  The teenagers come together in vigil and later offer commemorations for their fallen peer.
Fourth, teens need help in establishing a new identity after the loss.  With the loss of a father, how will the teen now perceive himself?  In this regard, it is important to help the teen grieve and develop a post loss perception of himself.  In developing this new perception, the teen bundles together the loss with his future and creates a new identity that involves being without his father.  It is important to note that new identities should not include becoming the “man of the house” for the grieving mother.  Yes certain adaptations and duties will be needed, but the teen needs to remain a teen and not replacement of a loss husband in regards to emotional and financial support.

Fifth, help the teen search for deeper meanings of life.  Prior to the incident, teens are shielded by a false immortality.  After experiencing death, they are shocked into reality and find new meanings about life.
Finally, continue to help the teen.  Teens, like younger children, grieve in doses.  There is no doubt that when prom or graduation arrives that the teen will grieve the loss of a particular parent.  It is important for grief counselors to be supportive during these times.  Again the great premise, “grief is not an event but a process” must be accepted by all counselors if they truly wish to help their clients.

Danger Signs of a Grieving Teen

While one can expect certain levels of rebellion, moodiness, impulsiveness, reliance or egocentrism, there are some signs that parents and grief counselors need to be aware of.  Red flag type behaviors include suicidal thoughts, chronic depression, isolation from family and friends, academic failures, changes in personality, eating disorders, drugs, fighting and inappropriate sexual behaviors.  If these symptoms or behaviors manifest, the teen may be experiencing complicated grief reactions.
Ultimately, teens are going through a transitional period and grief only complicates things but if one is willing to take the time and care, then many complications can be avoided and the teen can heal.
If you are interested in adolescent grief counseling, please review the program.

Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Child Grief Counsleling Certification Program: Using Play Therapy in Child Grief Counseling

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Finding Grief Through Play

The mind of a child differs greatly than an adult.  This is due to an array of psychological and biological differences than stem from a lack of development in the brain.  It is important for grief counselors who specialize in grief and adolescent grief care to understand these differences because they directly effect how children grieve.
In the case of younger children, grief can be found in many things, most notably play.  The child’s need to play is not only for fun but is a way a child communicates and expresses herself.  Through this expression, a counselor or psychologist can find many clues about the child’s home life, school, beliefs, and emotional state.   A child who cannot play is denied her right to mourn.
Dr. Wolfelt in his book, “Companioning the Grieving Child” lists ten important elements of play in a child’s emotional life.  These are basic tenets of play therapy.
1. Play is the way children express and communicate
2. Play permits children to express painful and difficult emotions
3. Play is most often a child’s way to express the loss of a loved one
4. Play is essential for the bereavement counselor in establishing a therapeutic relationship with the child
5. Play helps the counselor understand the inner world of the child
6. Play increases and helps the child in his interest in working with the counselor
7. Play allows the child to utilize her imagination
8. Play is the vehicle in which the child can teach the counselor about her grief
9. Play helps energize and refresh the child
10. Play is a loving and compassionate way, one can help a grieving child
In addition to these basic concepts, Dr. Wolfelt recommends a variety of play techniques during counseling. Among the many, he encourages use of stuffed animals, puppets, dollhouses, art, free painting, drawing, clay, music, story-telling and books.  Through these therapies, the child is able to communicate things she is not able to vocally or maturely do yet.
The dollhouse can serve as an example.  The grief counselor can delve into the inner dynamics of the household simply by watching the child play with dolls in a home setting.  Is daddy always there?  Does mommy and daddy love each other?  Whose sad?  All of these answers can come to light simply through play.
Also from personal experience, grieving children can open up simply through drawing.  Dr. Roerick out of Youngstown, Ohio encourages drawing and coloring to bring out emotions of children.  Dr. Roerick is able to identify key emotions that correlate with color and other symbols.
The importance of play is critical to children.  Even if children are not grieving, as a parent, aunt, uncle or older sibling, can you answer affirmatively that you have played with a young child recently?  Give this gift to a child and let them teach you who they are through the process.
If you are interested in learning more about child grief counseling certification program, please review the program.
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C.

Companioning the Grieving Child

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Treatment versus Companioning the Grieving Child

Treatment of grief is a very cold term.  In some ways, it sees grief as a pathology in itself.  Is not the very meaning of treatment to “cure”?  Grief cannot be cured but neither is it pathological.  It is a natural feeling that comes with the ability to love.  Hence grief is part of the human condition and can only be cared for in regards with coping, accepting and accommodating loss into one’s life.  Companioning the grieving child is less about curing but walking with the grieving child.  It sees grief as a process and not an event.
Dr. Wolfelt differentiates treatment and companioning in his text, “Companioning the Grieving Child”.  He uses the analogy of gardening to best describe grief care of a child.  A gardener feeds and nourishes the plants and protects it from weeds and other foreign agents.  He helps cultivate the soil and keeps a watchful eye on the flower’s progress.  However, he does not over water it, over nourish it or “grow” it himself.  He allows the flower to grow via his aid but he cannot make the plant bloom.  The plant can only bloom on its own.

In like manner, the grief counselor can protect the child from outside sources and be an advocate.  The grief counselor can also help nourish the psychological recovery of the child from grief, but ultimately it is the child who will reawaken from grief and “bloom”.
Dr. Wolfelt distinguishes these key characteristics between treatment and companioning:
1.  Treatment looks to return the child to the prior state of grieving, while companioning emphasizes helping the child transform not to an “old pre-grief normal state” but to a “new post grief normal state”.  This means the child will never the be the same after loss but can still live a healthy and happy life without grief complications.
2.  Treatment attempts to control symptoms of grief and views distress as undesirable, while companioning bears witness to a child’s grief and sees value in the symptoms of grief.
3. Treatment views the counselor as the perceived expert on the child, while companioning views the child as the guide to the counselor.
4. Treatment views a sustained relationship with the deceased as pathological, while companioning views a sustained relationship from present to memory as healthy.
5.Treatment sees the grieving child in a passive role, while companioning sees the active mourning of a child to be an active element
6. Treatment views quality of care as how well the grief was managed, while companioning views quality of care in how well the bereavement counselor allowed the child to lead
7. Treatment wishes to remove and overcome denial, while companionship matches denial with compassion and patience.
8. Treatment hopes to create a strategic plan of intervention, while companionship hopes and is willing to learn as the child finds meaning.  There is no need to solve or satisfy an immediate dilemma.
Through these Eight points, one can see the differences of companionship and treatment of grief.  As a grief counselor, how many times do you see yourself treating instead of companioning?
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C

Child Grief Counseling and Bereavement Education: Dimensions of Child Grief

Posted on by Dominick Flarey

Child Grief and Its Manifestations

Child grief manifests itself in many ways.  The child and adolescent grief counselor can pinpoint these manifestations and help adults better understand what their child is feeling.  If anyone is familiar with or has children, some of these manifestations may have been seen in a child you know.  Here is a list of Dimensions of Child Grief to look for.
1. Shock or apparent lack of feeling.  Children sometimes show no emotion and will simply ignore the obvious and go outside and play.  This does not mean it does not affect the child and it should be not be treated with scorn or anger by an adult.
2. Physiological Changes.  The child will have various physical maladies such as upset stomachs, soreness of throat, lack of energy, nervousness, loss of appetite, headaches and skin rashes.  Some symptoms may even resemble the symptom that may have killed the loved one.  These symptoms are result of the  child’s body to stress.
3. Regression.  Some children will regress after a death in the family.  They will regress to baby talk, sleeping with parent, or become more dependent upon the parent.  It is good to allow the child to regress and heal.  One needs to be patient and supportive during this hard time.
4. Disorganization.  When someone a child cares for dies, a wave of emotion and confusion sweep into the child’s life.  If the person was a primary caregiver, thoughts of “who will care for me now” may enter into the child’s mind.  Adults need to be there for the child and assure them that it is alright to be sad and that people will be there for them.  During grief, before reorganization can occur, the disorganization must take place.
5. Explosive emotions.  Children like adults will feel many emotions during grief.  Encourage children to express their emotions in a healthy fashion.
6. Acting out.  Some children will desire attention for their grief by acting out.  This is especially true if the grief within the family dynamic is taught to be kept in.  One needs to identify the underling reasons for the acting out and show discipline but also patience and understanding to the true cause of these actions.
7. Hyper-maturity.  When adults mistakenly tell children to “grow up” and that they will have to take up responsibilities since “daddy is gone”, children then are denied the grieving process.  The children can feel a responsibility to play the role of the parent that is dead.
8. Fear.  This is a natural feeling for children who lose a loved one who may have cared for them.  Identify the fears of the child and help him face them.
9. Guilt.  There is sometimes guilt associated with a death in the minds of a child.  Children have magical thinking where if they thought something then they feel they may be guilty for it.  An example of this would be if a little boy had a fight with his parents and wished they would go away.  Later the parents die in a car crash and the little boy is faced with a guilt that makes him feel as if he caused them to go away.  Obviously magical thinking needs addressed and the only way it can be addressed is when grief counselors talk to the child and discover what is bothering him.
10. Relief.  Some children feel relief after a death.  Egocentrism in childhood may find relief that grandma finally died so things can return to normal at home.  Or some children may feel they have received very little attention since grandma became ill.  Another type of relief is if the loved one was also abusive in which case the child has relief that the abusive parent is gone.  Again, these things need addressed in counseling sessions before they become toxic.
11. Sadness. Some children are extremely sad.  Grief counselors should help children express their sadness to begin the healing process.
12. Reconciliation. In this, the child comes to grips with the reality of death and has adapted his lifestyle to the loss.  While grief is never an event but an ongoing process, the child has returned to normal levels of activity.
These elements of grief are important for grief counselors to identify to better treat children in grief.
If you are interested in  child grief counseling and bereavement education, please review the program.
(Information for this article can be found in “Companioning the Grieving Child” by Alan Wolfelt, PhD)
Mark Moran, MA, GC-C, SCC-C