On multiple occasions, individuals seek to rush through the grieving process hoping to eradicate the pain and emotion. They look to reach the finish line of a incorrect timeline set by others. They feel grief has an expiration time and must be resolved. In many ways, they view grief as a pathological parasite that is preventing them from healing. While grief is an adapting period to loss and pain, there is no set time table for complete. In reality, noone truly recovers from grief or loss, if one did, then the loss would have little value.
Recovery from grief is a myth. Adjustment is the only reality. There is healthy adjustment and pathological un-adjustment, but ultimately, grief remains part of the human condition. Hence if one does not achieve closure to loss, that is fine. It is OK to not to find the perfect closure to a loss. In fact, it is quite normal not find closure to something we lost. It is the price of love not to be OK with losing someone special but we learn to adjust and manage that loss.
The article, “Closure Isn’t a Thing in Grief and That’s Okay” from Whats Your Grief presents an excellent review regarding grief and closure. The article states,
“There are a handful of reasons why people expect closure in grief. For much of our history, grief theory models have given people the impression that grief follows a set of stages or tasks. So, many people think grief is a finite process with a beginning and an end.”
To read the entire article, please click here
With so many tasks, or steps, it is easy to misunderstand the science of grief. It is easy to think their is an end, but these tasks and steps are only guidelines presented that are truly not a system that all follow or must follow but merely are a collection of ideas regarding grief and how individuals face grief. Grief is messy and it bounces all over. These guidelines are merely guidelines to outline how one can find a healthy adaptation not necessarily an elimination of all emotion over the loss.
Please also review AIHCP’s Grief Counseling Certification and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals seeking a four year certification in Grief Counseling.