Pet loss is a disenfranchised loss. This means many do not acknowledge it or give the loss or people experiencing the loss the respect and time it needs. People can be ridiculed or left behind in the grieving process because others place little value on the loss of a pet. Common phrases such as “its just a dog” or “at least it was not a family member” and “why are you still upset over a cat” are all insensitive comments, pet owners deal with.
Losing a pet is a very subjective experience though. To some, it may not be a big deal, while others it may be a life altering loss. Whether paws or fins, feathers or scales, the loss of a pet can be small or big to certain people. While we naturally conceive dogs, cats and horses as the most common losses, losing smaller pets can also be painful. While these smaller pets may not be able to form the emotional bond a dog can, certain individuals still form bonds. Maybe the fish was a last reminder of a departed spouse, or the small hamster was a gift of a departed parent. These attached meanings to smaller animals also play roles in how a person may subjectively grieve.
Still even so, one may have a fish for years upon years and live a very lonely life. The loss of that simple fish, albeit, it is unable to reciprocally return love, still represents a major aspect of that person’s life. So we cannot limit loss or dismiss it. We must acknowledge it and respect it.
Is there a chance of pathological reaction to a loss of a smaller pet that is out of touch to reality? It is possible, but there is a chance for pathological reaction to any loss, whether human or otherwise. So it is important to acknowledge even the smallest loss and reassess the person’s progress through it. Normally a loss of a hamster, or fish, may take a few days or week, but again, to some, this pet may have extra intrinsic value based on the person’s subjective situation.
Obviously, the wagging of a tail and bark to greet you at home will normally have greater loss reaction. The loss of a dog, cat or horse USUALLY affects a person longer than a loss of a small pet, as a fish, or hamster. These losses have a more reciprocal bond because of the animal’s higher intelligence. AGAIN, this does not mean we can assume based on reciprocity of love and intelligence of an animal that a loss will be less or more, but it does give one a general consensus that most individuals will grieve the loss of these pets more than a smaller creature of less intelligence and emotional capacity to bond with a person.
A loss of a cat, dog or horse can be as painful as losing a family member for some. A lonely old person may grieve the loss of a cat more than a family member he never sees. A family may grieve the loss of a family dog that played a part in all activities. These are not just mere animals but beloved friends and family that may not be human but beloved nonetheless. Many see these pets as their children and the loss can hurt as much as losing a child.
Grief Counselors need to teach and educate that pet loss is a real loss. They need to help others and show sympathy to those who will not receive it from others over the loss. They need to acknowledge the loss of their clients pet loss and help them cope through it. These losses are not to be minimized or lessened or ignored, but to be acknowledged and accepted as true and impactful losses
If you would like to learn more about Pet Loss then please review AICHP’S Pet Loss Grief Support Program and see if it matches your academic and professional goals. The program is online and independent study and open to qualified professionals.